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This is your final reminder (haha j/k NOT LIKELY) that the I will be co-hosting The Internet Read Aloud this coming Sunday in Baltimore, and if you don’t want to come then I worry about you. Here are the details, on Facebook!

And now with that out of the way, here’s the comment of the week, which you should read silently to yourself if you don’t want to annoy your coworkers:

“‘Happiness’ — the drug for those who are too bland for ‘ecstasy.'” –seismic-2

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Okay, so is Otto Sarge’s disgruntled spouse or his irritated child? It’s pretty horrifying either way, but I need some more specifics before I can properly direct my loathing.” –Lily Sincere

“I’m very confident I can get the first draft in four weeks, considering I already handed it in to the curator. What do you think prompted this meeting, if not my glorious pictures of horseys that are reminiscent of Da Vinci’s The Battle of Anghiari, albeit far superior? See those four horseys on the last page? Those are for the apocalypse, and that skeleton guy riding it, yeah, he’s looking at you. Looking. For now.” –Hogenmogen

“Only Tommie could be ‘drowsy with happiness’ . It’s like her body outright rejects any form of excitement by shutting down into a state of torpor.” –pugfuggly

“Minutes of the latest meeting of the Daily Bugle Board of Directors: ‘We haven’t published a paper in over a week. Where the hell is Jameson? He’s WHAT??'” –AhClem

“‘Jerk’? I expect that kind of language from your edgier comics like Mary Worth, but Gil Thorp? Is nothing sacred?” –Kevin on Earth

Apartment 3-G: “Vermont, eh? Can you dump this fucking deer out over New Hampshire on your way? I am so done with it and Frank is tired of trying to draw it.” –Mikey

“The Spider-Man narration box isn’t even trying anymore. ‘As…’? That’s the best you’ve got? I can understand its queasiness, though, because I think Peter Parker just made the crudest-possible sexual overture to Mary Jane.” –Joe Blevins

Rex Morgan, M.D.: “An editor’s job is to help make your book look even better, Sarah. For example, for the cover we’ll use a stock photo of a normal, pleasant-looking child instead of yours.” –Amos Snarkadder

“Are we to infer that Honi is crying over Lute’s coffin?” –nescio

“Where exactly is Mary serving Wilbur? The space-time inversion of an enameled 50s stove? The narrow glass tube of a stunning underwater metropolis?” –bunivasal

Anything — be it film or novel or comic strip, or Congressional hearing or wedding ceremony — that begins with ‘Dad? Where are you, my darling?’ is bound to be an express ride to Psychoville.” –Dr. Mabuse

“About six months ago I discovered this blog. Over the duration of said six months, I have started from the beginning and read every page, every CoTW … the end of FOOBs and of Cathy … the not-really-end of Crock and of BC … the rise and fall of our dearest Aldo Kelrast … countless melting Marmaduke faces … every failed attempt at the playdowns … thousands of Batiuk smirks … billions in Parker-Driver-Spencer payoffs … all three Rex Morgan storylines … all to find myself finally on today’s page, with the gloriously horrified face of Mary Worth to welcome me to the present. Truly, I have arrived.” –McGibbslap

“I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge Reggie, since nobody in the strip will. I appreciate him popping in for one panel in a conversation that doesn’t involve him at all to gratuitously slam Archie with a gag that, while not great, is still funnier than the actual punchline.” –Doctor Handsome

Apartment 3G: “Sure, my roommates can put up with a man for two whole days! What’s one more thing that craps on the floor, after all?” –The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan

“Pro tip: Do NOT turn today’s Crock upside down.” –Wonkey the Monkey

“This Eerie Sentient Camel is the name of my Death Cab for Cutie tribute band.” –Esther Blodgett

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And, just as an advertising program note, I’ve started using BuySellAds as a platform for you to buy ads directly on my site on a CPM basis. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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This is yet another reminder to Baltimore-regional folk that your have the unique opportunity to see hilarious live acts based on the Internet, the very Internet on which you’re reading this text! On this coming Sunday, February 16! In downtown Baltimore! Hosted by me, Comics Curmudgeon Josh Fruhlinger, plus Rifftrax’s Conor Lastowka! Hilarity includes:

• Wikipedia movie pitch madness
• Robotic status updates gone mad
• Secret emails that only Hollywood insiders receive
• WikiFur drama
• Children arguing with adults
• People who you don’t want to date even though they want to date you
• Craigslist polymorphous perversity
• Improvised riffing on ALL of the above
• The glory and pageantry of CAT MASSAGE
• Plus a [Citation Needed] giveaway, and also an opportunity for us to “give away” the book to you, in exchange for money, so it’s really more “selling” the book, but wouldn’t that be fun, and we’ll even sign it for you?

Anyway, you should come, here’s the Facebook event, etc.

And if you’re wondering, “How can I find out about Josh-related performances like this if I forget to check out the Comics Curmudgeon”: well, I don’t want to be all trendy, but you might want to follow Josh on the social media whosit of your choice:

• Twitter
• Facebook
• Tumblr
• Google+
• Instagram

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Hey all! Are you ready? For your comment of the week? I hope so!

“After the wild success of Garbage Ape, the team at Heathcliff is seeing what other wacky new characters they can spawn. Personally, I don’t find ‘Philosopher Yarn’ very exciting, but I’m creating a tumblr for him right now just in case he blows up.” –pugfuggly

And your hilarious runners up! Still prepared, emotionally, for the hilarity?

“The second to last panel of Hi and Lois features Hagar the Horrible hanging out with that babbling kid from Fat Albert, which is something I’m pretty surprised to realize I have been waiting for my entire life.” –Tophat

“Hey, kids, let’s all learn about frostbite by watching your comic strip hero Mark Trail freeze to death.” –Liam

“It looks like Tommie’s feeding that baby deer with a bottle of vodka. Seems more like a Margo move.” –Yahtzee

“When did Rick Santorum take over the lead in Mark Trail and why is he so passionate about turtles? (Pro tip: do not Google ‘Rick Santorum turtles’.)” –Ed Dravecky

“I actually laughed at this, but only because I imagine that Les is the kind of teacher who smirks sarcastically (possibly with condescending puns) when his students are stressed about deadlines, and I hate him.” –GTM

“Anyone else feel cheated because we’ll never see Philip Seymour Hoffman play Thirsty in Hi and Lois: The Movie?” –nescio

“So … Hi and Thirsty are at Andy Capp’s wake?” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Jim!! I’ll be right down!’ yelled Tommie into the wrong end of the telephone. ‘Gosh,’ she thought to herself, ‘I sure hope I get to see Jim soon. Preferably before my eyes, which have slowly been drifting closer to each other over the course of the phone call, completely collide!'” –Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer

“Does anyone else find it odd that Slylock Fox on Comics Kingdom is listed in the Family genre, but NOT in the Animals genre? Has the rise of the animals already started?” –Hogenmogen

“In other news, I think Blondie farted.” –Nekrotzar

“The Bumsteads’ marriage is on thin ice. I mean that quite literally. Just check out their kitchen floor.” –Joe Blevins

“I did wonder, for a minute anyway, whether Looweezy (sp?) was listening to Ringo or Joe Cocker. Wouldn’t the despair of the Joe Cocker version suit her better, as she sits by her threadbare, badly-patched curtains, knitting next year’s Christmas tree in blue yarn because the Hootin’ Holler store only sells one color at a time, probably contemplating her next meal of cabbage soup or something similar? All while her man goes off to blow the last few coppers in her cookie jar on a game he’s going to lose despite trying to cheat, because his ace fell out of the hole in his sleeve on the way out the door.” –sally

“Heathcliff is too weird to live and too rare to die.” –Martha

“I knew this day would come; the twins have finally lost their minds. Ditto is pretending to be a morse code snake and Dot thinks she’s in Oz. Hi, fetch the chloroform.” –Dr. Dread

“Apparently, you’re also a plugger if your truck drives six inches above the ground in a featureless Limbo. The old dog smiles wryly, for his granddaughter doesn’t yet understand that there is no need for texting when there is no one else in this world.’ –Guts Dozier

“Hey Ditto, your father’s name is Hiram. Go nuts.” –Rusty

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And, just as an advertising program note, I’ve started using BuySellAds as a platform for you to buy ads directly on my site on a CPM basis. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.