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It’s Friday! It’s the comment of the week! Let’s enjoy!

“Holy flashback. Is that the first and only time Sam’s lost money?” –Dood

And the runners up! Very funny!

“At today’s Big-Bass Fishing Tournament, spectators were horrified when angler Rod Bassy produced an unidentifiable creature during the end-of-day weigh-in. According to witnesses, the creature was wearing clothes and was about the size of a 10-year-old boy, but it was clearly not human in form. ‘It was terrible,’ said fishing fan Jeffrey Watcher. ‘Those bulging eyes and that misshapen face. I can’t get it out of my mind.’ Tournament authorities are currently debating whether to allow Bassy to claim the creature as a fish.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“Convinced that Mary Worth is a soup opera strip, Toby tries to get the plot back on track.” –Uncle Lumpy

“I only enjoy things I can eat, ride, or read! See, I just read this dog’s body language; he wanted a Ritz! And he’ll still be good for two other things!” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Cathy knew Evan wasn’t clean, and was covering for him.’ Um, isn’t that what publicists are supposed to do?” –giraffe-o

“We’ll have to interrupt this discussion of wealth accumulation — it’s time to give the dog Communion.” –Pozzo

“I have a feeling that this will be both the worst and most under promoted James Bond movie ever.” –Marc

“Proves how stupid I am. I thought the ‘punchline’ in Pluggers today would be something like ‘Pluggers haven’t watched television since 1978.'” –Gary

“Rusty would never go somewhere without tweeting about it … Oh here it is … @Rusty1987 became the mayor of Rod Bassy’s van on 4square.” –revenge4Aldo

“I’m intrigued by Kingpin’s vast cravat. Does he even try to tie a knot in that thing, or does he just tuck a tablecloth into his shirt collar and hold it in place with a big diamond? Or is that just his shirt? Or … dear god … Is that his skin?!” –lorne

“I really want to see a chalkboard with a long scientific equation that solves to a picture of Daredevil and Spider-Man with Xs where their eyes should be.” –Daniel

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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OK KIDS HANG ONTO YOUR HATS because I have some things to share with you, some of which are TIMELY, others of which are just interesting:

• Don’t forget that if you live near Baltimore you can see me doing improv monologues with the Baltimore Improv Group at Magooby’s Joke House! Here’s info and ticketing, except (sigh) they have “Tim Hoeckel” named as the monologist (he did it the last time). But it’ll be me and it’s funny and you should come! Apocalyptic snowstorm? What apocalyptic snowstorm! The place to be during a big snow is a comedy club, where there’s lots of booze and fried food and and funny people (who you can eat when the inevitable descent into cannibalism happens).

• Do you live near Los Angeles? Maybe you would like to see a play based on certain characters from a certain beloved comic strip. (Hint: It is Peanuts.)

• Also if you are in Australia, you might enjoy this exhibit of Peanuts characters mashed up with rap lyrics.

• Also also I have been meaning for a long time to give a totally unsolicited plug for King Features’ DailyInk site, if only because I still get emails asking where to go for a build-your-own comics page site now that the Houston Chronicle shut theirs down. Yes, it’s a pay site, but it costs less than $2 a month. Did you know they’ll also deliver vintage strips, like the Judge Parkers below from 1969, which describe Sam and Abbey’s meet-cute? Obviously there are hippies involved.

And, finally, I wanted to remind all of you that don’t know that you can get updates about when I post to this site, as well as other things I write, public appearances, and dumb hilarious jokes, on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, and Google+!

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Greetings, humans! Are you ready for this week’s top comment? Here it is!

“You know why pornos almost never end with the guy just losing his erection and sheepishly meandering off to the beach? This is why.” –Cloudbuster

And the runners up! Very funny!

“‘Mr. Catfish wouldn’t let me get any pictures of Rod’s equipment inside their van!’ OK, now you’re just trolling us, Rusty.” –cisko

“Nothing says you understand the dangers of the Internet like shuffling a stack of papers.” –NoahSnark

“Considering the condo lifestyle? Look no further than scenic Charterstone, where you never have to make your own meals! Stay in your own apartment and keep to yourself, and unofficial ‘welcome wagon’ greeter Mary Worth will force her famous coagulated soup on you! Come to her apartment for a visit, and Mary will insist you try one of her baked potatoes, which you must hold in your hand and eat like an apple! Why would anyone want to live anywhere else?” –Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer

“Thanks to the link, I can see that Margo’s parents are still wearing their overcoats. What kind of people never take off their overcoats? Flashers! Why spend time worrying about Margo when you can go out and be part of a geriatric flasher tag-team?” –nescio

“See, the puppy is looking in from outside, because animals are the ones who are truly free, and we’re the pets, man! We’re all in a pet store of our own maki… okay, I think I figured out what’s in Heathcliff’s pipe.” –Dan

“But you’re reading a print newspaper, and I’m watching a cathode ray television! How is anyone getting more timely information than us?!” –Doctor Handsome

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.