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Guyyyys, let’s get all commenty of the weeky in here, shall we?

“I can only hope — to stop one of you! Oh, if only I had four arms with which to hold two guns! [looks down] Well, will you look at that. Looks like I have multiple appendages, just like a spi… No, a taran… Wait, a CONDOR! Yes!” –BrutusJ

And the very hilarious runners up!

“Why, in the post-apocalyptic animal world, are aerosol paints rarely sold? Is it an opposable-thumb/dexterity thing? Is that Count Weirdly’s reserve stock on the shelf? Or are they exclusively for spiders? Please kill me now.” –Dood

“I’m imagining a post-veep sitcom for Biden. In every episode he gets himself gradually deeper and deeper into some absurd predicament. At the end of the show, when the climax of craziness has been reached, all the other characters gather around him and yell, ‘Joe Biden, you dope!’ He grins and shakes his head in consternation. Roll credits.” –Peanut Gallery

“June is smiling because that thing on the end of her fork appears to be a peyote button.” –AhClem

“Speaking as someone who doesn’t get turned on by boobs, I have to say Judge Parker’s descent into revenge-fueled madness is the best thing to ever happen in this strip.” –Esther Blodgett

“I think when Bob Hope or Lou Costello leaks water after being shot, it’s funny because we appreciate the hydraulics the special effects people rigged up under their shirts. Drawing the same ‘effect’ into a cartoon is just plain … say, wasn’t this strip supposed to be retired already? [Note: this is the proper way to finish any discussion about Crock.]” –Dr. Mabuse

“I was a clever and evasive devil. Or, at least, I made a Faustian bargain with one! Now I shall be immortal, an unstoppable zombie which keeps on walking and speaking, even as I have become so filled with holes that I cannot possibly hold any water. Oh, wait, no, I’m just a Crock character — we’re all like this.” –The Ben

“The look on Loretta’s face indicates that she knows that this means Leroy didn’t flush.” –nescio

“Reminiscent of the filming of Citizen Kane, the artist had to jackhammer a hole in the floor to get this angle. Nice try, artist, but you’re not getting out of the strip that way.” –Kristian

“You think you have proven the existence of your God with your banana? FOOLS I HAVE PROVEN THE TRUE NATURE OF THE ALMIGHTY WITH THIS DELICIOUS FLESH!” –QuentonKaramazov

“I think Jeffy’s shirt is more of a Hester Prynne situation. It’s not that he’ll forget who he is … it’s that we can’t allow ourselves to forget; we can’t let him to walk among decent people without a mark of shame that brands him for what he is. And much like Hester Prynne, we refuse to acknowledge that we all bear the Sin of Jeffy; we all share the blame for his existence.” –Dan

“It’s handy that Tori carries around a pack of cigarettes at all times so that we don’t have to try to recall who she is or what her character is about. (She’s a bad girl!) I think they should try applying this to the major characters as well. Lu Ann could carry around a bag of hammers, Tommie could carry around a box of saltine crackers, and Margo a speargun.” –pugfuggly

“For erections lasting more than four hours please consult a veterinarian.” –Mr. Yezpitelok

“‘Pizza Night’ is actually the closest the human tongue can come to pronouncing the name of the eldritch horror whose jaundiced yellow eye stares down from its black cloud of nothing on its earthly spawn, Heathcliff.” –David

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Hello all! First, a huge thanks to everyone who contributed to the fall fundraiser — thank you! All who donated will be getting a personal thank you this week, but I wanted to express my gratitude to the world now. And thanks for being so nice to the hilarious Uncle Lumpy in my absence. He was kind enough to cull the best comments for this week, though I alone choose the top comment of the week:

“My name is Judge Alan Parker. You panned my book. Prepare to die.” –LP2004

And yet we all must admit that the runners up are extremely hilarious!

Gasoline Alley: “This revelation heralded a disturbing new turn in Slim’s relationship with Clovia. ‘I want your your tongue all over my face Clovia! No — more slobber! Yeah, oh, yeah, that’s it! … Now, bark!’ –Cloudbuster

Luann: “WHAAAAAT? Are you saying that Quill is both an Australian and Luann’s boyfriend?! Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot.” –Doyle

Gil Thorp: “This will all be worth it if he’s silent because he has a really high, silly voice, and he’s tired of people making fun of him, instead of the deep, dark secret we know it’s going to be.” –bbofun

One Big Happy: “This is like the most relaxed, chill version of The Raven ever. “So this raven comes into my room/I fed him some breakfast cereal and made him sleep in a doll bed/No biggie.” –Joe Blevins

“OMG! Mary Worth is turning into a geriatric lesbian porno right before our eyes.” –Baka Gaijin

Judge Parker: “OH THANK GOD! I’ve been on the edge of my seat for weeks wondering what pre-dinner drinks these twats would order!” –pugfuggly

9 Chickweed Lane: “Wait a minute… absolutely everything in this strip except the occasional one-off involving Thorax or the cat is about the psychologically unhealthy assertion of power through sexuality. Nazism, classical piano, dance, prejudice against homosexuals, religion, the organized priesthood, the legal system, friendship, psychotic breaks with reality, secret government surveillance, veterinary medicine, furniture, language, clothing, education… everything. These aren’t even characters, they are walking, junior high school-level manifestations of Freudian mental illness with self-parodyingly pretentious vocabularies. How did I never notice this before?” –Master Softheart

“Luann has morphed into a blow up sex doll. Even as an inanimate object she has more personality than Quill.” –Everything Is Better with Monkeys

Luann: “If her lips go back to skinny after this dance, I’m calling complete bullshit. A priest told me it can’t be done, no matter what the Internet says.” –Esther Blodgett

Dick Tracy: “This is what happens when you install Apple Maps on your space coupe.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

Rex Morgan, M.D.: “Warning — absolutely NO ONE will be seated during the stirring glop-cutting sequence!” –Shrug (no coughing or paper crumpling, either)

Mary Worth: “Mary looks bored to death today. No wonder, since the subject has moved away from ‘Mary Worth is great’ for a whole ten seconds. I expect her to interrupt any minute now: ‘Okay, Shelly, blah blah, you work with homeless people or astronauts or zoo animals or whatever it is, I get it, blah blah blah, can we talk about ME, already?'” –Alison

Family Circus: “Last time Daddy picked someone to win that person lost and Daddy owed some big guys a lot of money.” –Liam

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Click the banner to contribute to the Comics Curmudgeon. Details here.

Did you know that they publish comic strips every day? It’s true! And without the heroic efforts of Josh Fruhlinger, some of them would slip through unread and worse, unmocked. Unless you’re willing to rise from bed every morning for the rest of your life with the words, “OK, gotta go read Luann now.”

Yeah, I didn’t think so!

Keeping the Comics Curmudgeon fresh and up to date is hard work! So twice a year I host a fundraiser to thank Josh for the time, effort, and talent he puts into giving newspaper comics every bit of the attention and respect they so richly deserve.

To contribute by credit card or PayPal, click the banner at the top of the page and follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. To contribute by check or money order, email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net and I’ll reply with an address. Full details here, along with an index to the 50 banners in rotation at the top of the page and banners from previous fundraisers — more than 400 in all!

Thank you, generous readers!

— Uncle Lumpy