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Oh hey have you been waiting for your COTW? Well brace yourself ’cause here it is:

“I love that Westview’s teachers always discover these draconian cuts five minutes before school starts. Guys, those budget cuts were made last May. Remember when they fired Larry the choir director, and outsourced lunch to a Chinese firm? No, it didn’t happen to Les, so I suppose you don’t.” –The Ghost of Jarrod

Your runners up are also amusing!

“Leroy’s look of disgust really tells the story. I mean, if Olive Garden didn’t want people to sit in their restaurants, eating basket after basket of free breadsticks while being a condescending prick to the staff, it shouldn’t advertise free breadsticks. I mean come on, this is America.” –Tophat

“Our police use power consumption to find grow-ops and drug labs all the time. I can only imagine Shylock’s initial glee and eventual disappointment when he got the call from the power company. ‘Finally!’ he thinks. ‘A real crime! No more stolen ice cream cones and counterfeit medicine. Breaking up a drug empire is my ticket out of this … Oh, for fuck’s sake … Penguins? Really?'” –Guts Dozier

“I love that one kid on the beach lost in thought, reading the back of his can of Crush Orange: ‘So refreshing! Does it actually have oranges in it? Hmmm … it does have citric acid, so yes, but what’s all this ester gum? It doesn’t taste like Bubblicious at all!'” –sporknpork

“As Rusty devours his ‘pizza’ Mark is scribbling in his notebook ‘drugs only gave Rusty insane dreams. Next time, use stronger dosage.'” –Digger

“Mark’s not even listening. ‘Indeed, Rusty … indeed!’ is just the generic response he has cued up whenever the hideous demon-child starts to speak. ‘Can I bring this plugged-in toaster in the bathtub with me, Mark?’ ‘Indeed, Rusty … indeed!’ ‘What lies beyond this world, Mark? Is it just a blank, formless void, an inescapable vortex where our screams go unheard for all eternity?’ ‘Indeed, Rusty … indeed!’ Meanwhile, Mark’s thinking about beige shirts or tree sap or something like that.” –Joe Blevins
ry

“Hey Andy, why don’t you have a punny name, huh? Who the hell hired you?” –TheDiva

“Has Gil been reading my diary? And for the record, Kaz, no, not at all like your index finger.” –Esther Blodgett

“Of course pluggers are uninterested in sex. A single plugger family can consist of members of approximately eight different and completely incompatible species. Frankly I don’t know why they exist at all.” –C. Sandy Cyst

Judge Parker: “Let’s not do this until Thalia wakes up. I mean, what are the odds that the kidnappers will cut off any important parts of Ross’ anatomy in the next hour? Virtually 50/50, and I for one am comfortable with those odds since I don’t know him!” –Ratiocinator

“The governor has swiftly aged from ‘that handsome young man’ to ‘1970s character actor Joseph Campanella’ and will likely be ‘Regis Philbin on a bad day’ by the end of next month. Hey, Lu Ann has been widowed before, right?” –Ed Dravecky

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Your comment of the week: behold it, in all its glory!

“Like Jerry Seinfeld once said, ‘What’s the difference between a dentist and a sadist? Newer magazines.’ Wizard of Id could do a whole week of riffs on that: ‘What’s the difference between a barber-dentist and a headsman?’, ‘What’s the difference between a bloodletter and whoever enjoys cartoons about crudely-drawn people chained to dungeon walls for decades?’, etc.” –Kibo

And your runners up! Very funny!

“That last panel is a lot funnier if you imagine that those two hands belong to Mary, who is frantically trying to signal something to Aggie like a baseball coach sending coded messages to the pitcher. ‘If it’s going to go down like this, remember to hit her at the knees … the knees!’” –pugfuggly

“‘God’s wounds, Daddy! Thy garment is most fashionable!’ Wait, too old.” –Windier E. Megatons

“Rusty, does this posture make my cloaca look big? Be honest.” –Gregory

“At first I thought panel 3 showed Bull pushing a football ticket at Funky, and I felt humor. Then I realized it was money, and I wondered, ‘people pay for Montoni’s pizza?'” –Uncle Lumpy dreams of dinosaurs

“I’m glad we have a grandfather who was able to place his soul into Nixon’s corpse.” –word-doctor

“Pluggers lost the remote watching CBS years ago, and now only watch CBS.” –Frippin in the Krotz

“Heathcliff’s neighbor maybe racist against hippos, but Heathcliff is the one using a hippo as a beast of burden. Fight the power, gentle hippo! You don’t have to submit to cat colonialism!” –Lily Sincere

“The neighborhood was indeed changing. The pace became slower, gentler, more concerned with mud baths than with the daily grind. There was time to chew on some reeds, always time for a leisurely swim or simply sink to the bottom of the river and think about your options. Yes, the neighborhood was changing, and for the better. That is, until the lions showed up.” –The Rt. Venerable Pastordan

“You’ve been reading too many comic books, old buddy! Newspaper comics are the wave of the future! This money train is never rollin’ off the tracks!” –Dan

“Laugh it up kid! You just joked your way out of all the fun prescriptions.” –Chareth Cutestory

“The appearance of Grandma merely emphasizes the unsettling, Lovecraftean nature of Family Circus. The melon heads of the Keane Kids are no mere stylistic conceit. No, they really look like that; inheritors of a degenerate skull structure passed down through the maternal line. Bil Keane’s legacy is an endless plea: ‘My wife, our kids, all her damn family are literal sideshow freaks. Damn my uncaring lust for long, shapely legs.'” –damanoid

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Mr. Morris: Mr. Morris is the new comic strip by Rick Brooks. It can be seen every Monday and Thursday on Comics Sherpa.

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Greetings, readers! Behold, your comment of the past … two weeks!

“What do the bones strewn about this animal graveyard tell us? Quite simple: even though they may try to emulate human burial rites, some of these hideous animal people still actively consume the dead while littering nonchalantly. They still have quite a long way to go.” –Chareth Cutestory

And the hilarious double dose of runners up!

Funky Winkerbean: “So, Buddy’s the Best Man, eh? … I can only imagine what the bachelor party will be like … everyone sniffing each other’s butts, licking their own balls, rolling in rotten garbage, then eating grass until they all throw up.” –Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy

“If they had had Judge Parker instead of cold marble statues in ancient Greece, would the Allegory of the Cave still have occurred to Plato, or would he have been so thoroughly engrossed in the cave experience himself that he never would have realized it was an illusion?” –fausto

“I dunno what you’re yelling, Spanish-speaking guy, but I’m wondering the SAME THING! My mind is filled with INCOMPREHENSIBLE GIBBERISH!” –damanoid

Archie: “Moose is an athlete and they make him take stuff like algebra and chemistry? Which Asian country is Riverdale High located in anyway?” –Sgt. Stoned

“Hell, Sandinista, WE’LL give you a fucking medal, if you shoot Spider-Man!!” –sully

Spider-Man: “Given that the whites of Spidey’s eyes take up most of his face, it’s probably very hard for the soldiers to judge how close they should be before they fire.” –Horace Broon

“Has any extraneous extra in a comic ever looked as forlorn as that penguin in the lineup? His internal monologue: ‘Jesus, that convenience store robbery was eight friggin’ years ago! Can’t they ever let me forget it? All I took was a bag of ice! What do they expect from a penguin living so far away from the South Pole? I get warm sometimes! Look, I’ve tried to conform to the rules of their society! Look at these lime-green golf pants! Look at this fedora! Don’t these just scream solid citizen? But nooooooooooooo! To them, I’ll always be a criminal. I mean, why would I ever steal a bike anyway? How the holy hell am I ever going to reach the damned pedals?'” –Joe Blevins

“Take that, Floppy Hat Woman. This’ll teach you poor people to follow the super rich around and not offer them money.” –Liam

Mark Trail: “Oh well, at least we still have death and taxes.” –LP2004

Mary Worth: “I killed a man back in 2006 — he looked a lot like Bob Keeshan.” –Calico

“At some point in my schooling we went to a cemetery and made reliefs of the headstones. crayons and large newsprint. I’m sure part of the reason was to understand birth and death dates. Maybe another reason was to get us all over the hump of being scared by graveyards. Then another reason still could have been the teacher’s plan to bury us all alive in an open grave.” –tallyHO

“The magnet in Zoey’s mouth has attracted the steel plate in Peter’s head.” –Odie Odo

“I’m hoping all this elaborate evolution talk is Mark’s way of revealing that Rusty is actually the Missing Link. It would explain so much.” –McManx

“I will forgive this whole Mary Worth’s Tedious Spa Vacation plot if Mr. Pushy McTownhall, quietly seething over his diminished complaint, listens with increasing fury for the next few minutes (‘My affair got out of hand!’ ‘At least you have hands!’) until he suddenly erupts in sweaty, mouth-breathing rage, throwing chairs, scattering the womenfolk, shouting, ‘This is my first vacation in years! Listen to me share, dammit!'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“So Crankshaft is done? Just to make sure, can everyone stick a fork in him?” –Droopy Says

“In all of the commotion, I never asked if you were hurt. And I’m still not asking. Because I really don’t care. So why are you telling me?” –Nekrotzar

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.