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Happy Friday, everybody! Your COTW in a moment, but first! A couple of plugs!

The first plug, which is unpaid: I’ve been meaning to tell y’all about Comic Chameleon, a mobile app that is a great way to read some of the best webcomics on your phone or tablet. The lineup includes:

• A Softer World
• Alien Loves Predator
• Amazing Super Powers
• Bad Machinëry
• Book of Biff
• Boxer Hockey
• Broodhollow
• Buttersafe
• Cat and Girl
• Chainsawsuit
• Dinosaur Comics
• Dumbing of Age
• Girls with Slingshots
• Hijinks Ensue
• Nedroid
• The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
• Overcompensating
• Questionable Content
• Sam and Fuzzy
• Scenes From a Multiverse
• Spacetrawler
• Surviving the World
• Three Panel Soul
• Wasted Talent
• Wondermark
• XKCD

The app is free and ad-supported, and in contrast with some of the webcomics aggregation apps out there that scrape comics sites without the artist’s permission, ad revenue is shared with the artists. Right now it’s iOS only, but an Android version is in the works, as is a possible paid ad-free version. Check it out!

Also, I must remind you that the [Citation Needed] book by Conor Lastowka and myself continues to be available for purchase, in both paperback and Kindle form. Here, enjoy this banner, won’t you?

And now, your comment of the week!

“I can’t believe such pagan rituals as tooth fairies are tolerated down on the Keane Kompound. No, when you put a tooth under your pillow, Satan brings a quarter, and carries off your soul.” –Bunivasal

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Pluggers have never even heard of events like Ravinia, but advertise something with ‘food’ in the title and you’ll have a reenactment of the 1968 Democratic convention.” –Nekrotzar

“It’s really not hard to read today’s Marvin as ‘Marvin’s dad’s attempted gay hookup, which was his wife’s idea, wasn’t fun.’ Look how happy she is in the first panel. JUST LOOK.” –Charles Solution

“You don’t understand anything, Lu Ann! You have a bad attitude, Margo! There are bows in your hair, Ruby! And … Tommie. Oh, Tommie. I didn’t see you there.” –Dan

“It actually makes a lot of sense that the pin-up painted on Slylock’s Fantasticar isn’t a buxom lady-fox, but a stylized portrait of Slylock himself, literally eating the Constitution.” –Doctor Handsome

“Jesus, that got unnecessarily dark. Couldn’t Slylock just have been questioning Sammy Shark about a petty theft to set up a simple geography question? Are they all going to be like this now? ‘After Count Weirdly’s doomsday device went off, most human and animal life has been wiped off the earth. As Slylock scavenges for food and safe drinking water, he comes to a vast pile of concrete and scattered human debris beside a dead ocean. As he cries bitter, lonely tears, he gives in to his aching hunger and begins gnawing on the charred remains of a brown pelican. Is Slylock sitting on the radioactive rubble of New York, or Los Angeles?'” –pugfuggly

“That would be the first and last time anything in Gil Thorp was described as ‘attractive.'” –Chyron HR

“I can accept the drug dealer with original Picassos hanging in his secret mine lair being easily convinced to convert his marijuana farm to a solar farm, or a retired CIA operative living in a cancer hospital in the jungle, or a college student with a multi-million dollar apartment in Paris who blows her $10,000 a month allowance on an investment in a water treatment system, but I draw the line at this. NOBODY ever gets any work done on an airplane flight.” –bobanero

“It’s equally absurd to suggest that Rusty could arise in nature. This implies that a supernatural force created him. I would suggest that LoFo exists in a Manichaean universe, where Satan shares the Divine power of creation. Here Satan chooses to mock the Christian deities by creating distorted versions of their work. Thus we have giant birds, villainous wolves, a forest fire that instantly spreads across a valley, Rusty, Mark Trail and wandering Jeep headlights. This does not answer the obvious question: is the mysterious ‘Doc’ a wizard who raised these forces, or is he in fact the King of Hell?” –Droopy Says

“Gotta love that hangdog expression on the face of Papa Curtis as he and the boys hear the news about Henderson from a talking coat sleeve. Hey, would those be some ‘off the cuff’ remarks?? Ha ha, ho ho ho … oh god help me.” –Oregonian

“Against the tan walls and yellow skies (seen through a first-class-sized window, I suppose) of this airliner, we see five coordinated shades of blue among the seat back, the plush, boy-do-we-have-a-ton-of-money upholstery, the computer itself perfectly matched to the color of Katherine’s stylish boat-neck blouse, Alan’s complimentary-hued shirt, and of course the tint of his glasses darkening to hasten his nap without the need for the gauche, uncomfortable, and no doubt badly colored eye shades that nappers have to wear in steerage. I bow in awe to the unheralded colorist(s) of Judge Parker. Bravo!” –sally

“Seriously, what comic strip story arc isn’t improved by a good furnace explosion?” –Dood

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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Hello everybody! Briefly interrupting your afternoon to give you two important pieces of news. First: as you may be aware, Rifftrax writer Conor Lastawka and I are co-minders of [Citation Needed], a Tumblr that highlights Wikipedia’s most hilarious bad writing. Yesterday, we released [Citation Needed] 2: The Needening, a collection of our favorite terrible Tumblr entries with added jokes we wrote ourselves!

You can buy it in paperback (less than $10!) or Kindle (only 99 cents, though slightly less bathroom-convenient!). And if you need proof of the book’s hilarity, you can check out the first 50 pages here.

Second: If you are in or near Baltimore, please come see me do standup with many other funny people this coming Thursday, June 6! Here is a poster which contains photo evidence that I am in a line up featuring actual comedians you may have heard of:

It will be at Delia Foley’s in Baltimore’s Federal Hill neighborhood, 1439 S Charles St. 8:30 pm and completely free! I urge you to attend, and laugh!

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HOT ENOUGH FOR YA???? Haha but seriously, it’s almost summer and in many parts of the world it’s quite warm. I will be enjoying summer activities tomorrow and probably won’t have time to get weekend comics up until Sunday or maybe even Monday, so don’t panic if you don’t see them! But for now, enjoy your comment of the week:

“Being stuck in high school forever sounds like my idea of Hell. In other news, I’ve found a way of looking at Luann that makes it genuinely enjoyable.” –TheDiva

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I thought that was Mark’s hand touching Cherry’s nose … you know, the standard way to greet your life-mate after they’ve almost been savaged by a giant bear, with a little lighthearted noseplay.” –Mardou Fox

“Actually, I’m more concerned that this seems very out of character for Mark. He’s asking about the physical well being of his wife, when he should be trying to catch that grizzly bear so he can ride it into the forest fire to punch out the flames. ‘Yeah, great, you’re alive or whatever,’ Mark says darkly. ‘It’s motherfucking bear time.'” –Tophat

“It’s the expression of the purple fish that tells the true story — the horror, the mute, frozen incomprehension. ‘Oh, God, he … ate him. That eight-legged monster just swallowed him whole. Why is no one doing anything? The cops look HAPPY?! Oh, Lord, no. Now he’s pretending to drive! Stop beeping the horn!'” –I am Jack’s username

“Perhaps Mister Wilson is simply shaking with distress over Dennis taunting him with the fact that he cannot in fact smile, having no mouth.” –Sparrrow

“Crossover? Could this be the bear that attacked Cherry? Has he used a whole bottle of shampoo trying to wash off the stench of yet another failure?” –Mikey

“I’m not that familiar with the genre, but how would this make a good reality show? ‘MTV’s A Guy Who Knew a Lady With Cancer’?” –Bob the Builder

“Why ask if Lois loves you, Dot? You’re wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt. That means nobody loves you.” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Sure, let’s assign apes to perform undesirable jobs in our society,’ they said. ‘They’ll never revolt,’ they said.” –Chareth Cutestory

“The most unsettling thing about Heathcliff is the dead, blank look on the gorilla’s face as it prances up, throwing garbage cans around. How long now has this poor creature been putting on this avant garde performance piece? How many nights has he lost himself in his work, slowly dying inside as he realizes the only person that cares is one lone asshole cat who only wants to rifle through his art and eat some comedically large fish bones or whatever out of the trash? The owls call him the Garbage Ape, condescendingly. He is numb to their scorn. He is numb to everything, now.” –Tophat

Funky Winkerbean: “How evil can Frankie’s henchman Lenny be? He put his seatbelt on.” –jim, some guy in iowa

“Why is ‘ennywhar’ rendered in dialect but ‘swear’ is not? Hint to Parson: They rhyme, or should. Your Witness Protection sponsor, or perhaps your KGB mole-runner, should have clued you in better on these local matters.” –Lucy

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.