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Hello everyone! You may remember a few weeks back when I told you I was creating a crowdsourced presidential slash fiction archive, and you thought, “Ha ha, surely this is just a weird, random joke Josh is making.” Well, it’s not. It’s real, it’s here, and it’s very, very NSFW. It’s on Twitter. It’s got an awesome logo from webcomic superstar David Willis. And it needs your entries! Somewhere out there there’s a tale of tender, forbidden love between, let’s say, Andrew Jackson and John Quincy Adams. Are you the one to bring that tale to the world? I think you might.

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Guys, your comments of the week are coming shortly, but first: You may remember back when I quit my job that in addition to insanely declaring that I would write a book I also insanely declared that I would be doing live comedy shenanigans? Well, it’s true, I am doing them! I will be part of a couple of shows in the Baltimore area in the next few weeks. Here are the details! Come, it will be funny, promise!

And now, your comment of the week:

“‘It’s a more economical way of getting dressed in the morning?’ queried the Krakthor, shifting its squat, bulbous features underneath the hideous man-disguise so that the head-front would resemble human curiosity.” –bunivasal

And the runners up! Very funny!

“So help me, at first I thought the joke was that Teresa Mae’s husband was having a baby himself, given his position. I mean, it’d probably be best if his feet were in stirrups, but those require precious iron to manufacture.” –Spyglass

“And speaking of experiments that didn’t work, how about we agree that we’re both still heterosexual?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Jughead’s got that ‘letter to the editor’ face going on.” –sporknpork

“My day, as I had planned it: focus on some upcoming deadlines at work; enjoy some music on the commute home; spend some time with the kids; get my news fix watching the convention. My day as it is actually going to happen: dwell obsessively on the fact that Jamaal’s pants are hanging open.” –Nekrotzar

“Then again, maybe her junior high picture reminds her of a happier time in her life, before she gave birth to The Omen.” –Digger

“Chip was probably asking what band it is, but whatever. ‘This is called an audio recording, son. We used to use them to duplicate sound.'” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Don’t cut your hair like Moe Howard, dear,’ is what Mrs. Worth should be saying to Dawn instead of prattling on and on about the hospital.” –Baka Gaijin

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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As you head into your Labor Day weekend, enjoy this COTW, won’t you?

“The Keane kids have to see who’s going to be chosen in this year’s family vote to be sacrificed for the harvest. There’s a lot of talk around Billy, but I wouldn’t count out PJ yet.” –pugfuggly

Also, enjoy this hilarious runners up!

“Pluggers don’t live in places that have 500-page Yellow Pages books. I call shenanigans.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“When yo’ mama sits around the Internet, she sits around the Internet … like on all the websitses … ’cause there’s so many of ’em … I’ll come in again.” –Ian Beste

“Rusty’s just phoning in his stupidity. ‘Some bad guys I’ve never seen before were just menacing me. Oh, look, that formerly abandoned house now appears to be occupied. It would be a good idea for me to see who’s there now.’ Doesn’t he care enough to put more effort than that into getting into peril?” –Randy

“The soil is especially rich [in LoFo], thanks to the remains of all the rotting criminals tied to trees and forgotten over the past few decades. (The Indian burial ground, where Rusty finds old arrowheads, is just a couple of miles from the criminal mulching ground, where Rusty finds old sideburns.)” –Shrug, Speaker to Spam

“I’ve done it! I’ve finally seen a Barney Google strip where none of their hideous tongues are flopping out of their skulls. I am free!” –zaratustra

“RIP Mary Worth … She is dead in that panel, right?” –sporknpork

“I think I see what’s happened here. Wilbur has been set free. He’s got a new column as a dashing adventure-blogger, a world traveler who delights us with his witty observations and scrapes with disaster. Sort of a prosciutto-stuffed Bill Bryson. Meanwhile Mary has become a freelance-drone, hunched over the keyboard trying to turn content on deadline, probably as a click bait to the paper’s erstwhile sponsors. We’re talking a bold new direction here, and papers across the country will now be invited to carry bold new storyline comic The Wilbs, designed to appeal to the male 60+ balding overweight loner demographic, who coincidentally are the only people actually reading newspapers nowadays. It will run next to Pluggers.” –geekwhisperer

“The ‘first ballot’ thing may be a Hall of Fame voting reference, since the kids are playing baseball. This also might explain once and for all the freakishly oversized heads of the Keane kids: they’ve taken steroids, the better with which to humiliate their schoolyard sports opposition.” –Windier E. Megatons

“I liked Dawn better when she moped all the time. And I hated her then.” –debussy fields

“Who owns a suit in Hootin’ Holler? Anyone with a shovel and the ability to dig 6 feet down.” –Chareth Cutestory

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• I Could Pee on This and Other Poems by Cats by Francesco Marciuliano: For eons cats have strived to express their thoughts and feelings through body language, plaintive meowing, and a filmmaking style known as “fallen camera nudged across floor until forgotten or smeared with saliva.” But now thanks to the stirring power of poetry they can finally share what it truly means to be a cat.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.