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More travel this week has once again left the COTW shorter than it should be, though I think you’ll still be pleased with the top result:

“When will the girls of Apartment 3-G learn, abstinence-only education doesn’t work? I mean yes, it worked on Tommie. But there were mitigating circumstances!” –Dan

And the very funny runners up!

“JP: This is exactly how The Hills Have Eyes starts. I am very much looking forward to the cannibalistic mutants! SPOILER: It ends with Sam staking his claim to the richest new uranium mine in the world.” –Cloudbuster

“I like that guy in the audience who is laughing and pointing at the action on stage while Spiderman flails around wildly in an attempt to stop Clown 9. At least someone is reacting to this scene appropriately.” –Holly Folly

“You call the birth photographer. That’s what happens next.” –LoFoMoFo

“Like I said last time Les compared himself to Hemingway, I’ll put up with all manner of self-aggrandizement and petulance if it will only end with him putting a shotgun in his mouth.” –commodorejohn

“The fine folk of Hootin’ Holler will accept any excuse that allows them to throw feces at each other.” –NoahSnark

“Jericho Brand is oddly excited here, like this is a moment he’s long dreamt of for some reason. ‘Here’s my chance to unmask Spider-Man!’ ‘At last, an opportunity to sabotage Air Force One!’ ‘No one’s looking! I bet I could burn down this hospital!’ He’s kind of a weird asshole, is what I’m saying.” –Doctor Handsome

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Hello, everyone! I must apologize for the brevity of this week’s COTW; I’m actually traveling this week and the next, which means you should be marveling at my ability to keep up the pace of posts! Unfortunately, I haven’t kept up with the comments as I should have; still, I offer to you this gem that I spotted that was undeniably hilarious:

“Tomorrow’s headline will read, ‘SPIDER-MAN SAVES DAY / Day Was in No Jeopardy Whatsoever.'” –Steve

And these runners up, which are also extremely funny:

“As a woman of a certain age, I applaud Gil Thorp for consistently making athletic young people look like eyeball-searing trolls. Hahaha, ugly GT young people! I feel pretty!” –Poteet

“I think Ziggy is trying to convey the essence of 1960’s casualness and cool in that ‘pad’ used to mean ‘hang-out’, or ‘residence’ as a square might say. We also know it’s a ’60’s reference since talking mice are only brought to us either by Disney or hallucinogens.” –Uncle Ritzy Fritz

“Now why don’t you cancel that leave of absence and let your grown daughter go to Italy by herself so she can sort her own shit out? See what I mean, Wilbur? That just came out, unbidden, and felt so right! I don’t think I can get that kind of spontaneous satisfaction from some contrived clockwork bullshit Ask Wendy column.” –Brook Esia

“So now Mark Trail is going to the cops with a soaking wet gum wrapper from his pocket.” –Hogenmogen

“The best part of today’s Ziggy is the fact the guy isn’t even a DNA scientist. He’s just revolted by Ziggy’s family history to the point of supporting eugenics.” –sporknpork

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Oh, I should never do contests! Not because they aren’t awesome, obviously, but because I hate judging. Why can’t everyone be a winner? Oh, right, because I promised the winner a free item from my CafePress store, what, am I made of promotional items? No, I am not. So I will have to pick! But first, everyone’s at least enough of a winner to get featured here!

Let’s start with the amazing panel itself!

And then recap our earlier entries. There’s Nate and Hani:

Dr. Jeff Corey and Lucy Van Pelt:

Mibbitmaker:

And Ricky Lee:

And now the newer entries! First up, faithful readers bourbon babe, unbuckled and wossname engage in some gender neutral casting and face calisthenics. bats :[ dug up (GET IT BECAUSE HE’S DEAD) a picture of Foster.

Faithful reader pugfuggly believes that Rex Morgan is the candidate who will give America what it really wants:

Faithful reader Indiana Joanna is going for a solo closeup Juneface:

Faithful lurker Audrey offered a couple glimpses of Rex and June as sock puppet monkeys, which turns out to be remarkably appropriate.

Faithful reader Adam did double duty and pulled both faces himself!

And finally, faithful reader langostino didn’t modify the images at all, but did have some fun with the dialogue.

Agh, this is really hard, but I pick … bourbon babe, unbuckled and wossname! There is just something about their meticulous costuming that gets to me. I will be in touch vis-a-vis your prize, I promise, but trust me when I say that you are all winners, to me! bourbon babe and wossname just win slightly more.

And after all that excitement, we still need your comment of the week!

“Due to an unfortunate autocorrect, the newspaper comic team mistakenly created a trans-media crossover promotion storyline for Spiderman: Turn Off The Duck.” –TC

And your runners up, very funny!

“Holy cow, today’s Rex Morgan is fantastic, in the category of ‘Semi-unexpected violence in a newspaper comic strip’. It tops Mark Trail punching out a cop in December 2009 because of two things: an incredulous audience, and boobs. Well, I guess that would be three things.” –ZZalapski

“So they have one copy of the contract, and they’re going to mail it. Put it in a mailbox and go fishing. Is this movie contract for Goldiggers of 1935?” –Downpuppy

Mary Worth: “What a small world we live in! I also use ‘My good friend Giorgio’ as a code phrase for cocaine.” –btown

“How is it that Rex Morgan now has more violent action than Spider-Man? Of course, backing away from a fight and muttering ‘Uh, ladies, let’s keep it civil!’ is exactly how Spidey would have handled this situation.” –Big Ted

“This gum wrapper was found near the murder scene … it’s the type of gum people chew when they’re trying to quit smoking! It is also completely inadmissible as evidence because I removed it from the crime scene and have been carrying it crumpled in my pocket all day! And it is the only known piece of evidence connecting you to the crime! Ha! So I guess I have you right where I want you, person who has been trying to quit smoking!” –Cloudbuster

“So Wilbur’s inner monologue sounds suspiciously like inane romantic comedy movie trailer narration, which leads me to believe he’s planning an Eat, Pray, Love adventure for Dawn, except he does away with all that Eastern New Age crap and goes straight towards the ‘eat’ part.” –sporknpork

“Wilbur made the call his local Jimmy John’s franchisee long prayed would never come. Yes, Giorgio had gotten rich supplying Wilbur’s special sandwich needs, but at a terrible price: a promise that someday his only son would woo and wed Dawn Weston. Life, he realized, is brutal.” –Ed Dravecky

“There’s a sick, giddy excitement to this MW Italian jaunt — just how badly will the fashion be drawn in a land where I can vouch that even the astrophysicists are chic? Misshapen and baggy? No collars / waistlines seen in fashion for decades? Uniform blobs of mauve??” –CanuckDownSouth

“Actually, it looks to me like some random guy in an aisle seat is imagining Peter Parker thinking a reaction to Clown-9’s entrance. The real Peter Parker is not so easily distracted from passive entertainment.” –nescio

“Local litterbug framed for murder by — DUN DUN DUHHH — the wind!! I’m no defense lawyer, but if your sole evidence is something that can be carried by a stiff breeze we might not have an open & shut case.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Technical question: I know that we watch for facial hair on MT characters, with Mike Harris Bush Pilot having none on his chin and being blonde and square-jawed, leaving his alliance in question (much like the also blonde Mounty McQueen). But those eyebrows? Should I be looking at them more as a ‘forestasche’? Signed, Confused.” –Anonymous

“I sure hope Peter doesn’t have to change into Spider-Man here. It’s not like he knows how to re-tie that tie.” –Doctor Handsome

“No, Margo, I mean ‘home wrecker’ literally. Every time you’re around, doors, windows and walls rearrange themselves into a Picasso-esque tangled nightmare.” –Hogenmogen

“‘Did you fall in love with someone new and want to run away or something?’ Wilbur’s editor said sternly, making that firm testicle-cupping gesture they both knew so well. ‘Did you think I’d sit idly by while you tart around? You are married to ME, Wilbur.'” –damanoid

“I would probably want to learn to walk too, if my parents had painted the floor a dark glossy black. Prolonged contact with that thing is probably bad for you somehow.” –Holly Folly

“Why assume that Dennis is using his own teeth? There are at least two other kids in the neighborhood.” –Derrick Schneider

“Wilbur was about to tell the editor about a young journalist student intern that could fill in for him. But then the room became as black as sackcloth and Mary Worth peered through the hole from which she would soon emerge.” –survivor

“Two months? I believe we’re forgetting the real victim here: Giorgio.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Raymond Chandler at the ashram: What do you call a murder mystery made with a cup of humor, a dash of romance, and a sprig of mysticism, then rolled in chick-lit and sprinkled with some hot stuff? Just Stab Me In The Eye.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.