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Hello, Comics Curmudgeon readers! You are probably aware (because I’ve pointed it out to you several times) that I co-run a Tumblr, called [Citation Needed], full of hilarious/terrible excerpts from Wikipedia. You are probably also aware that there is a book that culls the best of the Tumblr, and includes funny jokes from us to boot. But what you may not know is that you can get the Kindle version of the book for free for the rest of the week! We are hoping you will download it on your Kindle and think “What I need is a paper copy of this book that I can keep in the bathroom at all times” and then you’ll shell out for that, but really if you just get it on your Kindle and enjoy it we’ll be mildly satisfied.

The occasion for this act of generosity is tomorrow, which is of course the 2012 edition of National High Five Day. While surely you are aware of this event and probably already have the day off from work, what you may not know is that it’s an entirely fake holiday co-invented ten years ago by Conor Lastowka, who is my partner in [Citation Needed] curation (and also a writer for Rifftrax). Conor has recently decided that High Five Day should be not just about propagating obvious falsehoods about the origin of the high five, but also about helping others, and thus is not only giving out Kindle editions of our book (which helps you via the gift of laughter) but also raising money for cancer research. Have you wanted to fight cancer, but always feel like doing so just makes everyone in Funky Winkerbean all the smugger? Well, click here to help make a genuine friend o’ Josh smug instead.

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HI EVERYBODY, your faithful Comics Curmudgeon is having a terrible allergy attack and is high on the Sudafed, apologies if this collection of comments makes little/no sense but here they are:

Mark Trail: “I shall never tire of a small boat, green inside, green outside, one green oar, green engine, is there an anchor? Is it green? I sure hope so.” –Not Just Any Dipstick

There are runners up that are also funny!

“The ‘highway’, Josh? Take a look at the ground under that truck. E. Bunny doesn’t have time to use roads to deliver his eggs, he just drives onto the grass and lobs a basket through the closest ground-level window. Happy Easter, y’all! The chocolate should give the kids plenty of energy to help mommy and daddy resod the lawn and replace a pane of glass.” –pugfuggly

“I don’t care if you’re a pioneering medical hero who practically invented modern nursing, I need a doctor! I’m talking to the bearded guy pushing a gurney rather than the professional woman with a clipboard behind me because I have the proportional sexism of a spider.” –Ed Dravecky

“Lois appears to be dressed in a late-60s/early 70s superhero outfit. She’s the amazing Lowballer, with her mutant ability to detect others’ despair and turn it into profit!” –Pozzo

“Shoe should show a helpful guide at the side of each strip to show you how high you must be to find the strip funny. Today’s strip would be rated as three oxycontin, a fifth of peppermint schnapps, and a full bottle of Mylanta.” –NoahSnark

“It figures that Mary is one of those annoying people who always have something to serve to guests when they come by: a nice slice of frozen Sara Lee White Pie, or some Pepperidge Farms YellowMounds, with a steaming cup of ‘?'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“‘You — you’re awake?!’ It’s a mixed marriage.” –Doctor Handsome

Also this long comment from Master Softheart about Phantom franchise opportunities is way too long to reproduce here but is awesome and you should read it.

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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It’s getting positively pleasant out there, and comments of the week are blooming like flowers! Here’s the prettiest!

“This strip is so close to perfection. If only they had spelled it ‘marihuana.'” –Michael Yuri

And the others, almost as lovely!

“What, did Jeff suddenly wake up in a letterman jacket, glass in hand, next to Mary on the couch? ‘Huh? Where am I? Is that the televangelist Johnny Thomas? What’s in this drink?'” –Squeak

“George, you got your point across, but we still have to pay him.” –Lee

“Dinny and Bobby do look like they’re getting serious, what with Dinny being stark naked except for a ballcap and jockstrap. Let’s hope their clumsy experimentation with physical love does not permanently scar their hearts and/or urogenital regions.” –Ed Dravecky

“The real menace, of course, is Dennis pulling an April Fool’s joke on April 2nd, thus toppling Joey’s already shaky sense of reality.” –Pozzo

“With as rich as Veronica’s dad is, you’d think he could afford to hire a caddy with, y’know, upper-body strength, or a working knowledge of golf.” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Funky is driving us to meet the bus that goes to the train that takes us to the plane that flies the cat that ate the rat, etc.’ Nothing is easy in the Funkyverse — especially trying to escape.” –Mikey Mike

“How did Iris get so tipsy on just one drink, anyway? It’s not like the Morgans are the type to give a full pour, especially to houseguests of unknown temperament. We get a lot of unbelievable characters in this daily drama strips, but I think the Cowgirl Who Cannot Hold Her Liquor probably tops the list.” –cheech wizard

“Studying Jeff a bit more — he has big ears and ear lobes in panel one, and dainty lobeless ears in the second. Maybe he has mismatched lobe? Magic lobes? Maybe he tried to cut one off to send to the object of his desire. Maybe Mike Tyson bit it off.” –Deb T

“I refuse to believe Mary Worth was ever young! She was an old biddy when I was a child, and I’m 41. She was born complete and whole from the ashes, Phoenix-like, of a freak Geritol-induced explosion during an all-night Strip Canasta tournament in the old Chartestone rec room.” –kingklash

“Also, why does Brad have to stop talking for Toni to be able to reach in with both hands and yank out his still beating heart? It would be much more satisfying to kill that schmuck in mid-sentence. But I suppose anytime is good, really.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“The words ‘Marijuana, that’s what it is!’ pierce the air. 200 miles away in the Lost Forest, Giant Stoner Chicken awakes.” –Nate

“Rejected alternatives: snitch, ditch, stitch, kitsch, switch, ostrich.” –Brent

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.