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Hey everybody! I am back from my undisclosed location and I must say a HUGE thanks to (a) Uncle Lumpy for his hilarious filling in and (b) everyone who donated in the fundraiser! You’ll all be getting personal emails from me this week, and hopefully many of you are already enjoying your bible bird bands. Some excellent photographic evidence of real life bands in the while! Faithful reader Bourbon Babe, Unbuckled notes that her canine companion “Lolly has co-opted it; apparently, she’s planning to go undercover with Andy to figure out the Great Bible Band Mystery.”

Faithful reader Plastic Fruit added a band to a more appropriate critter. (Sadly, those books on the right are not written by Mark Trail, despite appearances.)

There are still some bands left, so stragglers can still get their hands on them if they want! Just let me know!

And one final note before I present your COTW: The last time we did a fundraising giveaway, with the beloved What Would Margo Do? bracelets, Uncle Lumpy also got first crack at an amazing soap opera strip panel, the great Santa Royale shootout. This time around, I am green with envy that he got first crack at Apartment 3-G’s depiction of high art absurdism:

God, I wish I could make things go viral just by shouting “This is going viral!” It’d make my life a lot easier.

Anyway, let’s all enjoy this comment of the week!

“Jughead’s hat … Ah, yes. I’ve seen this before, but I clicked on the link anyway, half afraid it would turn out to be something like an Urban Dictionary term for a horrifically botched circumcision.” –[Old Man] Muffaroo

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Count Weirdly is hard at work inventing a formula that allows people to live forever in utter harmony and bliss. Slylock, observing from an alcove, thinks he may have stolen a Bunsen burner from Reeky the Rat’s meth lab …” –geekwhisperer

Judge Parker — “Key lines in today’s strip: ‘You should try driving it’; ‘Let’s open a bottle of wine’; ‘She’s the world’s best enabler.’ Has MADD heard about this?” –bbofun

“I don’t think the creators of A3G quite have a handle on internet terms. Soon it’ll be ‘This place is Twittering!’ and ‘Look out, it’s getting AOL in here!’ –TheTJ

The Phantom — “You know, when I predicted a lucha libre-based police force, I kind of thought I was joking.” –commodorejohn

Funky Winkerbean — “The bookseller might NOT being going out of business if he hadn’t let the creepy guy bully him into carrying three aisles’ worth of Lisa’s Story” –Hank

Fall 2011 Fundraiser — “What pops up when someone clicks my goose is already personal enough, thank you very much.” –odinthor

Mary Worth — “Gina works her way down her stalking list:
Phone message – done
Express mail delivery of tapeworm/raunchy negatives/snakeskin – done (ick)
Carrier pigeon (am I too heavy?)
Phase through hotel wall, like Kitty Pryde (get a running start)
Ouija board (fun but satanic; only for dead people?)
Stadium card section showing giant ponytail
Blimp rental OMG – $$$!
Stow away on hotel dinner cart (too I Love Lucy?)
Transporter beam (buy fly repellent; rent Uhura uniform with ear thingy)” –Walker of Dog

“Wow, if I thought Judge Parker was out of touch before, the suggestion that anyone, anywhere has actually read an article in an airline magazine has taken it to dizzying new heights.” –Violet

Mark Trail — “The kiss in panel two looks like two department store dummies in storage.” –Illustrator Steve

Curtis — “Yeah, she chased away every woman I was ever interested in. Now I just cut young boys’ hair late at night. Say, you mind if I turn down the lights and put on some Barry White?” –Pozzo

“How does anyone in the Popeye universe know when to find something incongruous?” –Chip Whittle

“So, how do you tell when a Gil Thorp character has a personality disorder?” –Chip Whittle

Pluggers — “You might be a plugger if you’re a dog and you’re wife’s a chicken, but gay marriage makes you uncomfortable.” –Effluvius Erratus

“24 hours Later: ‘This stupid Spidey Tracer must be broken because it’s telling me Spider-Man spent the last 24 Hours doing nothing but watching TV.'” –DaveyK

Tthis is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Click the banner to contribute and receive a Commemorative Comics Curmudgeon Bible Bird Band! Details here.

Twice a year I host a fundraiser to thank Josh for the considerable time, effort, and talent he puts into The Comics Curmudgeon. This time, every contributor will receive a one-of-a-kind Mark Trail-themed Comics Curmudgeon Commemorative Bible Bird Band in appreciation of your generosity. Behold:

These are gold-anodized aluminum butt-end bird bands (three are shown), 1/2″ inside by 3/8″ tall — appropriate for pheasants, ducks, and young (4 – 10 weeks) geese. Each is stamped “Genesis 1:20”, “Lost Forest”, and “CC11-nnn”, where “nnn” is a unique serial number starting at 001. The referenced verse is “And God said, let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven” (KJV) — the very same verse worn by Mark’s Rescue Goose and Mountie McQueen’s wall.

Made by America’s premier manufacturer of game bird, poultry, and livestock tags, these fine bands have been wet-tumbled to a satin sheen, and are ready to ship — First Class, of course — to Comics Curmudgeon contributors of any amount. Your one-of-a-kind Bible Bird Band will arrive packed with a length of linen or leather cord and a pinch of feathers, ready for you to transform into a necklace, bracelet, talisman, or fetish object — the possibilities are endless! Bands will be mailed in numeric order, so act now for those coveted low numbers. Don’t just read about Mark’s Canadian Bible Bird Band adventure — live it!

To contribute by credit card or PayPal, click the banner at the top of the page and follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. To contribute by check or money order, email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net and I’ll reply with an address. One band per contributor: full details here, along with an index to the 60 or so banners in rotation at the top of the page.

But wait — there’s more! When your personal Bible Bird Band is released from the Comics Curmudgeon‘s West or East Coast wildlife sanctuary, a goose icon will appear at an appropriate pond, park, lake, landfill, or fast-food joint in your ZIP or Postal Code (not at your address) on the interactive GOOSETRAX®* map, courtesy of Google Maps and young codemaster Spiff Lumpy. Personalize your goose by adding a comment in the PayPal “Enter your screen name …” field, or along with your mailed contribution. Full details, Privacy Policy, and opt-out instructions here. GOOSETRAX will go live Wednesday, but check out this preview:

Finally, in honor of the Mark Trail-themed fundraiser, this week features “Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits” — iconic fistic feats of Mark Trail pugilism, stretching back to the misty origins of The Comics Curmudgeon. Here goes:

Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits – a Fall Fundraiser special, part 1

Mark Trail — 9/25/04, 10/13/04, 12/9-10/05

MEOW BOW-WOW POW — OW!

— Uncle Lumpy

* GOOSETRAX is not an actual Registered Trademark.

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Hey everybody! I am about to depart for a week off. But have no fear! Your favorite Uncle Lumpy will be stopping by to take care you in my absence, and I’ll be returned to your computer screens next weekend. But, I leave you with … this week’s COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Didn’t Margo use to be wedding planner before she was almost-married into being in charge of (owning?) a gallery? Why isn’t she in charge of this certain catastrophe? For god’s sake, Lu Ann, if something has to blow up in someone’s face, you got an explosions expert right there.” –Lord-z

And the runners up! Very hilarious!

“I’m a fan of the blue-collar uniform worn by the agent/secretary. It’s like he’s working at Big Earl’s Tires and Soccer.” –Chris

“And thus the sub-genre of socially aware furry redneck porn is born.” –A.E.F

“Take a lesson from me, kids! I can’t escape the cops, just like you can’t overcome your terminal illness. You can spend your few remaining hours watching TV, which is what I’ll be doing in jail. So long, you’ve been a great audience!” –ArchieNemesis

“What’s with the sky’s black rounded edges in Hi and Lois? Is this all taking place in Thirsty’s alcohol-induced masturbatory dream bubble? I guess we’ll find out for sure if his wife and Lois start making out while being sprayed down in booze.” –sporknpork

“Hmm, all the caveman characters are already long-haired and unshaven, so how to communicate visually that this one’s a filthy stinking doper? Of course! We’ll slap a Volkswagen hood ornament on his chest, and give him some of those ‘sunned-glasses’ the kids are always wearing! Nailed it.” –Doctor Handsome

“You know, all I really want out of this storyline is one simple week of Mary Worth versus the Soccer Hooligans. Is that so much to ask?” –commodorejohn

“The phrase ‘medically possible’ rings false when coming from Li’l Billy. It’s the kind of thing that I might have said when I was seven or eight, just to show that I could. Am I saying that I was smarter as a kid that Billy is? Yes, I am saying that.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I dunno, guys. It looks like ‘New York Blasés’ to me. This is Mary Worth, after all.” –Effluvius Erratus

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Slylock Fox comes to your iPhone: Cartoonist Bob Weber Jr., creator of Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids now offers his spot-the-difference game to you on the iPhone and iPad. Bob has selected 50 spot-the-difference panels for this initial app release. There is also a free “lite” version.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.