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Hey, kids, I was actually heroically updating my blog while traveling last week, which means that I didn’t do as thorough a job of reading all your comments as I could have. Does this mean that there were great gems that I missed? Almost certainly! Nevertheless, I give you your comment of the week, which I feel is pretty darn funny!

“Hey, Trail! You’re walking into an ambush where the Frank the would-be governor will push you off a cliff. Here, take this cell phone! Partly to show that this story wasn’t written in 1975, but mostly so you can call us as you plummet, because we’d all get a kick out of that.” –AndyL

The runners up are similarly gems!

“Frankly, I’m more concerned that Jeffy appears to have acquired a copy of the Necronomicon.” –Eric

“Yes, Jill, how can you say that Adrian is marrying below herself? That’s simply not possible.” –Violet

“Actually, Jeffy is about to make an intellectual breakthrough. First he’s noticed that diverse organisms have similarities and wondered at their relationship. Next he’ll try to classify them based on similar characters (Linnaean taxonomy). Eventually, he’ll realize the bedrock truth of Common Descent, and abandon that system for a more comprehensive way of describing the familial relationships of all the organisms of the Earth (cladistics). At that point, he’ll be burned at the stake. Keanes didn’t descend from no gotdammed monkehs.” –Great American Satan

“What is going on in the background of panel two? Are Mary, Jill, and Dr. Adrian having lunch at the 1939 Academy Awards?” –MWDG

“I started thinking about bird people and rest rooms and newspapers being everywhere and things went crazy-meta.” –Speck

“The characters in A3G change positions so much that I can’t help but think that they’ve become at least a bit self-aware of how little they actually do, and so they pace around in the hopes that if they move, the plot will, too.” –Hasty Penguin

“Notice the ambient debris field — a fedora, an actual newspaper (!), the zippered satchel. Also the narrow tie and basic black suit. Evidently Bil has been lying there since 1963.” –Uncle Ritzy Fritz

“If you ever make direct eye contact with a person while saying the words, ‘One day I’ll be your surgeon,’ your real future is as a homicidal sociopath. Someday, people will be dressing up like that kid for Halloween!” –Joe Blevins

“SO IT’S HOMELESS YOU WANT, DAVID? Then, um … I’ll separate your soul from the body it calls home? Yeah, I guess that’ll work.” –Dagger

“A3G: Could we please have just one small example of one ‘adventure,’ please? I’d like to know if we’re talking about ‘Last year, for six months, I shacked up with a sexy porter near Namche Bazaar’ or ‘Once, in San Francisco, I tried sushi.'” –Poteet

“‘That is scary.’ Muses Jeff. ‘That I could suffer this hellish life long enough for that kid to complete medical school.'” –bunivasal

“Why are you dressed in surgical scrubs? You specifically. I couldn’t give two fucks why the rest of you kids are dressed in specific costumes.” –captainswift

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Hello everyone! Many readers have sent me images and other exciting ITEMS that I haven’t had time to go through this week — I promise to feature them in a future metapost. Apologies if you sent me something and I haven’t responded to you yet! Until then, though, I offer only this comment of the week:

“I’m tempted to make a snarky comment about the desperation of dying print media that they’d print something by Trail, but it really is an article the public needs to know. ‘I trespassed onto private property, harassed an armed senator, and punched the future governor — By Mark Trail.'” –Speck

And the runners up! Also funny!

“Today’s Mark Trail takes place in an alternate universe where a small girl and a cute baby deer that you totally didn’t shoot doesn’t constitute the photo op of a lifetime for two politicians.” –JB

“Pet shooting aside, Frank is going to have a hard time selling himself as the ‘family values’ candidate given his total lack of interest in learning or using his step-daughter’s name.” –Thomas B.

“The local obit section, aka ‘Facebook for pluggers.’” –Jake Morgendorffer

“I don’t know why anyone would think Lisa’s Story didn’t have a happy ending. She got away from Les, didn’t she?” –Poteet

“Billy, you’ve only written three large words and some scribbles. Grandmothers around the world are probably posting this on their refrigerators, though. ‘Haha, my grandson is a moron too!'” –Shawn S.

“The bad guy has kicked him twice now, but Lucky hasn’t budged an inch. That little deer’s a fucking badass.” –Doctor Handsome

“He’s right, he may not get to do that much any more, if there is a three-strikes law in his state.” –tbiggs

“MJ: ‘Now I remember! The Moleman once fought the Fantastic Four!’ Peter: ‘What a bunch of chumps! It’s much easier just to let him walk away.'” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I’d be pissed if I was Cody Exner — ripped away from my dad, Cars frontman Ric Ocasek. Paulina smokes to stay thin!” –Sed

“I like to imagine Aunt Iris as having a high-pitched-serial-killer voice when she says ‘Hello, dearie!’ Hello, dearie, would you like to try my pecan pie? My secret ingredient is YOUR BRAINS.” –SamECircle

“Perhaps Bil is holding sweaters while he hides in the bushes because he plans to tackle the trick-or-treaters to the ground and make them put on sweaters, since this is what passes for fun in the Keane Household; they aren’t allowed to play with anything modern so instead they play ‘Sweater Tackle’. I dunno, that seems at least as logical as anything else I can come up with to explain this weirdo’s actions.” –Alison

“I know the perspective in Gil Thorp is generally insane, but does anyone really hang their diploma a millimeter below their drop ceiling?” –Patrick

“I’m betting Tommie walks into rooms saying ‘Where is everyone?’ a lot.” –Paddy

“In the perpetual ’50s of the Family Circus universe, the only people with full Van Dyck beards are Freudian psychoanalysts who came to America in the ’30s to escape the war. This one will evidently be kept very busy.” –Ktrout

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Your COTW in the moment, but first: I want to share some very special fan art I received from faithful reader Brenda Starr Destroyer!

The third panel of today’s A3G was so goddamn amazing that I was inspired to make countless exciting animated GIFs of it, but I am too lazy and suck at computers. So instead I made some MS Paint drawings, and you can imagine that they are fun and stimulating, or you can try dropping acid.

Brenda Starr Destroyer went on to note that “the line, ‘Extensions are AWESOME!!!’ in a cartoon should be followed by a reveal of hilariously extreme hair, preferably of a completely different race or age.” Sadly, until the wrong is righted, we only have these hilarious/horrifying MS Paint drawings console us.

And now your comment of the week!

“I have just made sense of Dick Tracy. Absinthe time!” –Uncle Lumpy

And your runners up! Also hilarious!

“Shoe: ‘Oh, dear god in heaven! He … he used a word in a secondary sense which actually — choke – means something a bit different from what I may have first expected! It’s like my whole psychic universe is crumbling to bits, making me crave the cool serenity of the gra… we’re done? Okay, paycheck here I come.'” –[Old Man] Muffaroo

“Judge Parker: They need to show a lot more boob if we’re to pretend that’s good French.” –Aviatrix

“Rustina’s eyes are drawn so she appears to be looking down (cross-eyed down, in fact). Is she some sort of misshapen gigantress who could easily put an end to this whole plotline by dropping some size 165EEEEEEEs on the wicked caged-animal hunters? And maybe the giant deer behind her will cap it all off by turning around and dropping some deer-do the size of a Dodge Neon on the evil men while Mark Trail just watches from his hill camp in amazement.” –Apeman

“My spider-sense is tingling like mad! Well, if there’s any danger, at least I’m here in a comfy seat with nachos, not out there with all that danger. Excelsior!” –Ed Dravecky

“This is interesting, today, to me, because when my wife went to look at wedding dresses, she was also carrying her own personal bar of soap.” –Little A.

“If you scroll the Mark Trail panel just enough to cut off the top, you get a terrified little girl screaming ‘Kill the animals — PLEASE!’ as she’s being pursued by an eyeless Deadite fawn, and MT becomes the most awesome strip in newspapers. Like most things in life, fixing comics is easy as long as you know where to slice.” –Vermic

And let’s just take a time out here for some more fan art! Because faithful reader Annie had the same thought upon seeing this panel, and sent in a screenshot:

Uncanny, no? And now, back to the runners up:

“Lu Ann isn’t just happy — she’s jazz-hands happy, and Margo’s coquettish glance in Panel 1 tells me she more than a little pleased to have the old Lu Ann back. Somebody’s going to get bathroomed tonight, and how!” –A Shadowy Figure Fleetingly Glimpsed from the Corner of Your Eye

“I’m pretty sure that last panel is supposed to say ‘amphetamines,’ not ‘extensions.'” –Violet

“I haven’t really been following Mary Worth. Is it a story point that Jill is eight feet tall? Or is she just drawn that way for the hell of it?” –AndyL

“Panel 3 of Apartment 3-G will soon be used in an ad for a penis-enlargement device in the back pages of an alternative newspaper.” –Pozzo

“What is this guy’s deal? Did he run out of grocery money? ‘SHOOT THE @#%# DEER OR NONE OF US EAT TONIGHT!!!’” –Amateur

“Lu Ann got those special, ‘Write-Yourself-Out-of-A-Corner’-brand hair , in ‘Your-Senior-Citizen-Readership-Relies-On-External-Signifiers-To-Tell-Your-Characters-Apart’ blonde.” –late2theparty

“COME ON SENATOR, IT WILL MAKE A GOOD MEAL FOR DINNER TONIGHT, OR MAYBE YOU CAN CURE IT AND PRESERVE IT FOR A SNACK FOR SOME TIME YET TO BE DETERMINED, OR MAYBE YOU JUST CUT OFF ITS TINY HEAD AND MOUNT IT ON YOUR WALL AND FEEL REALLY GREAT ABOUT YOURSELF, so uh anyway, who do you like in the gubernatorial primaries?” –Maggie

“Dance, puppet Lu Ann! Dance to my cynical job offerings!” –gjdodger

“Note the difference between their ages. A jail-‘bait’ pun beckons — but, like the Sirens, remains tantalizingly out of reach.” –Spiny Norman

“I see that Mark Trail was once a wildlife photographer, and is now the Prince of Persia.” –Rumon

“Now I want everyone in class to know that the most important rule of handling firearms is to never, ever stop aiming them no matter the circumstances, especially if you suddenly have reservations about shooting things to the point that you’re shouting them at the top of your lungs. That’s how they get you, kids. That’s how they get you.” –Black Drazon

“Phantom: No wonder Diana is so confident she can jet. Dudes are walking around clockin’ officers (and nobody seems to miss them), people are wandering through the prison wearing purple cowels and shit, blind spots along the fence line allow fools to decorate the barbed wire with palm leaves like he’s at a damn Minnesota tiki bar. Then he wanders BACK into the prison as if he left his wallet on somebody’s desk. Classic. If I ever go to prison I hope it’s one like that one.” –Gregory Earls

As ever, big thanks go out to everyone who put some cash in my tip jar! And, while there are no advertisers to thank this week, there have been some exciting updates to our advertising offerings, so please check those out!