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Your comment of the week in a moment, but first! A very special old-timey Mark Trail, discovered at an estate sale by faithful reader Charterstoned!

Mark Trail, 10/8/1953

It’s topical because it features Johnny Mallotte, who Mark is about revisit in the great Bible Goose Band adventure. Apparently Johnny and Mark were adrift on an ice floe and have been driven mad with hunger, and are now going to feast on this seal (or, as they seem to have called them in the ’50s, this “animal”). Too bad, Mark! It’s still alive! The look on his face in panel three is priceless — he’s about ready to jump right into the icy water, polar-bear-style, to get that seal with his bare hands. Andy looks similarly alarmed, possibly because he knows where the men will turn for food if they can’t catch anything else.

And now … your comment of the week!

“Let’s not allow the nudity to distract us from the real shocking plot twist here: Lu Ann was thinking!” –Doctor Handsome

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Funky Winkerbean can make even option contracts seem boring. Oh, wait. Meanwhile, Judge Parker can make even employment contracts involve cleavage.” –Carly

“If you’re wondering why Lu Ann is so heart-broken that no one has need for her lemonade anymore, I’d like to point out that A3G has never discussed how these three ladies have divided the rent. Perhaps, years ago, Tommie and Margo took pity on poor ol’ Lu Ann and let her have her space in the apartment in exchange for ‘lemonade services,’ which are slowly no longer required. (Please don’t google ‘apartment 3G lemonade services.’ It doesn’t lead to good things.)” –Guy Yedwab

“My first thought also was that the glass Lu Ann is holding was empty, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps its contents are just totally transparent, more so than even weak lemonade would be. In other words, I think Lu Ann has just invented waterade.” –Shrug

“No thanks, Lu Ann. I have a meeting with Nina — we’re creating a Mills Scholarship Fund and if I drink that lemonade, something bad might happen that will thwart my plans. I might have to go to the bathroom at a crucial moment in the negotiations. I might get a piece of lemon pulp stuck between my front teeth and that could blow the whole deal. Sorry, Lu Ann. Having a glass of lemonade right now is too risky.” –charterstoned

“Oh for cryin’ out loud, if this is leading up to LuAnn deciding to get married and have a baby just because nobody wants her stupid lemonade, that will be totally — well, actually a pretty believable development based on LuAnn’s character.” –Violet

“I grew up in NYC and can say with absolute certainty that NO ONE in NYC would have curtains like that. They’ve been illegal since the 70s.” –SF_Reader

“Even a completely nude Lu Ann, floating dreamily in a bath, is so boring that the most easily offended comics reader will forget why they started writing their latest angry letter to the editor.” –Ed Dravecky

“Meanwhile, in Apartment 2-G water is pouring through the bathroom ceiling.” –Walker of Dog

Also, too long to reproduce here but worthy of your attention are Kristian’s “Have You now a Strategy to Woo the Dashing Derek?” and Cloudbuster’s vision of Mark’s interview with the mysterious bird bander.

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Ha ha, you know how sometimes you’re just having a relaxing Friday evening with your wife, and then you up and forget to put the comments of the week on your blog? It could happen to you! Here’s the top comment:

“Remember the good old days when a guy would teach a girl how to play golf so he could hold her as she practiced her follow-through? Now it’s all ‘you record me’ and ‘I’ll record you.’ Kids: Missing the point since 2008.” –BigTed

And here are the also hilarious runners up:

“Was Mary wearing that kicky lace vest all week, or are her undergarments creeping to the outside of her clothes, in order to make an escape?” –Patrick

“Throughout this whole whinefest, Gina keeps her order pad poised for action. Is this so the other customers will think she’s just taking the longest order ever? ‘Yes dear, I’ll have a turkey sandwich … with tomatoes … and lettuce. The lettuce should be under the turkey. I suppose cheese would be good, too. Not too strong a cheese, perhaps white American. That should be a square so it won’t hang off the sides of the sandwich. The cheese should be between the tomatoes. For bread, I will have … um … let me see … a white bread but not too spongy a bread because I have dentures. I assume a pickle comes with that…'” –Ellie

“I like to read this strip as if it’s set in Hootin’ Holler. ‘Shore ya don’ wanna hang around a few more days?’ ‘I’d like ta jedge, but I should git back.'” –Dood

“I doubt he’s buttering toast. Probably he’s scraping the gold ingots the waiter brought him as a gift from Table 5, to make sure it’s not gilded lead.” –Spunde

“Local Dominatrix Lets ‘Cat’ Out Of ‘Bag’; Death Toll At 132 And Rising” –Walker of Dog

“‘That is interesting!’ says Doc in the middle panel of Mark Trail. The weird emphasis must mark his growing impatience with Mark yammering around about golden bands while a perfectly delicious goose is sitting right there. ‘You should take that and get it analyzed! I’ll stay here and pre-heat the oven!’” –Lorne

“Look, Les, this is a boilerplate contract. Sign it or not. It’s not worth my time to go to the lawyers and rewrite the parts you don’t think apply to you. Been nice working with you. BTW, the statement ‘been nice working with you’ was standard boilerplate agent talk. It’s been a real pain in the ass. Good riddance, asshole.” –Mark B.

“We have concluded that it is just as well that Mr. Bolle refuses to show anyone below the shoulders. We do not want to know that Miss Thompson’s hideous kelly-green polo shirt is tucked into a pair of belted madras-plaid bermuda shorts.” –Fashion Police

“I hope this A3G plot twist uses the same artistic strategy it did with the piano storyline in November. ‘Why, there’s a piano in the Mills Gallery! …And Lady Gaga is playing it! What strange clothes she is wearing!’ Then we cut to her chiseled, blond, suit-wearing male manager for the next eight weeks.” –Shmebbber

“I never got until today that ‘Ann Eiffel’ was supposed to be a pun. Also that she’s a horrible person, as shown by her telling an employee to actually do his job instead of standing there talking to his girlfriend.” –UnclGhost

“On a completely different note, I’ve had this fancy for awhile where I like imagining Mark Trail as played by Tom Hanks. There’s something hilarious to me about the concept of Tom Hanks yelling all his thoughts aloud. Picture it as you read the above strip. ‘THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE, A GOLD BIRD BAND … GENESIS 1:20, A PASSAGE FROM THE BIBLE.’ Note also what he’s saying here makes minimal sense.” –Carly

“I like that the Mark Trail characters who are not on the set can just walk over and grab some lunch at Santa Royale diner during their down time. This guy could have stayed longer to chat up Waitress Sad-Is-Sexy, but he’s got twenty minutes to report for work as an unscrupulous land developer who emotionally abuses his stacked wife.” –Edgy DC

“Is Lu Ann really allowed to invoke a change in the topic of conversation, particularly when Margo has the floor (who even knew Lu Ann was in the … um … whatever vague room they’re in with a lamp and a picture frame and some gauzy curtains and a refrigerator)? Can somebody check the A3G bylaws?” –Ned Ryerson

“I like to think that the pervert in Mary Worth overheard their conversation about the waitress’ dead mother and is now wearing mom jeans in an attempt to burrow his way into her subconscious (and her pants).” –Roto13

“Ok, just to be clear, this is a strip about grown women living together in New York, right? So why does the dialogue sound like it belongs in a strip about three maladjusted girls in an orphanage for dowdy teens?” –pugfuggly

“I guess the swarthy pseudo-Hi is supposed to feel like a real dope for hitting on a married woman, but how the hell was he supposed to know? Lois doesn’t even have a ring finger.” –Doctor Handsome

Plus this comment Effluvius Erratus is too long to feature here but, hilariously combining as it does several layers of source material, is definitely worth your attention!

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Were there many hilarious comments this week? Yes. Was this one the funniest? Maybe! It’s my pick, anyway.

“I saw Funky Winkerbean and was reminded how much I hate this sort of wordless padding. Then I saw Luann and was reminded that there is both fire and ice in Dante’s imagining of hell.” –Spunde

But judge for yourself, based on these runners up!

“‘Magical dreamland,’ nothing. Lois is sailing high on Vicodin and mojitos.” –Pope Buck I

“No, Paul’s mom — you need to make it seem like your voice is coming out of the puppet’s mouth.” –Chyron HR

“I have to admit I’m in awe of Mary Worth’s powers. Liza stalked Drew for months, but one quick lunch meddle from Mary and she’s completely disappeared. I mean it’s like she never existed. Like the lines in Mary’s forehead. She’s like botox for relationships.” –Mark B

“Leroy seems to be a chilling, future-tense mirror image of that poor kid. Few things could be more disturbing to a young child, especially while a cruel incidental Ziggy character looks on impassively from his cardboard-box fort.” –Doctor Handsome

“Oh, ye cats, Luann, not this again. Can’t we please go back to the Weenieworld sexual harassment plot? While both storylines will no doubt be rife with gag-inducing innuendo and maddeningly implausible behaviors and reactions, I don’t see how this one is going to measurably advance the noble cause of Brad’s suffering.” –Violet

“It looks like Da Judge and Constance are about to enact the world’s most boring porn scene, with Judge Parker falling asleep mid-coitus from too much cocoa while Constance pretends she’s being fucked by Matt Lauer.” –Frippin on the Krotz

“Judge Parker: ‘It’s your turn now.’ Constance: ‘What does that–‘ *HIT BY BUS*” –blah

“In the last panel the Judge looks ready to be added to Mt Rushmore, probably permanently replacing, say, Teddy Roosevelt (because isn’t that guy’s fifteen minutes up anyway?). ‘Just do justice to my manly chin, boys!'” –Greg

“Holy crap, Mary Worth even lectures herself in her own mind. She has no Off switch.” –captainswift

“Mary sensibly hurried to the doctor right after that marriage proposal by Dr. Jeff, just to make sure he didn’t give her cooties.” –Mardou Fox

“Mary’s so proud to have ‘DODGED A BULLET!’ I only wish Dr. Jeff were still within earshot.” –Écureuil Écumant

“Y’know, I’m not the expert outdoorsman and wildlife photographer that Mark is, but I can’t help but feel that the goose in question is not ‘getting out in that deep water,’ inasmuch as it is on land.” –Alter S. Reiss

“MARK! RELAX! GEESE FLOAT!” –word-doctor

“Since Canada geese aren’t sexually dimorphic and also don’t change plumage as they age, how does Mark know this goose is both (a) old and (b) a ‘fellow’? My guess is that behind the clumps of grass, there must be a copy of Modern Maturity and a bottle of ‘Just For Ganders’ feather dye.” –Perky Bird

“Sarah sighed. This old biddy was going to order a salad, water, top it off with pie and ice cream, and stiff her on the tip. Her eyes narrowed. What was that on her face? Was that a … seam? The dark line ran from her earlobe to her chin and as Sarah leaned in a bit closer she saw it, a chitinous limb slip out of the seam and beckon to her. As her gorge rose she barely had time to mutter excuses as she ran from the madness, out into the street, away from the diner forever. Mary gently pushed the claw back under her skin and smoothed away the seam. ‘Not yet, children, not yet,’ she whispered. ‘The stars are not right.’ She fixed a smile on her face. ‘Excuse me? My waitress has left.'” –Voshkod

“UH-OH, I THINK I MADE IT MAD BY YELLING AT IT! CLEARLY THE SOLUTION IS TO CONTINUE YELLING!” –Esther Blodgett

“Sometime in the near comic future, Quill and Luann will be doing it all the while saying its ‘not a date.’ However, more importantly, Gunther will be watching the sloppy sex ensue and will consequently turn into the Phantom of the Opera and haunt the high school basement with a 1980s era keyboard that only plays midi music.” –Government Cheese

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