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SORRY everybody, for being mildly COTW flaky. But your comment of the week is now here!

“Oh man, Funky’s right! Two women in love with Les? Game changer! Wait, how did he react? Stare at them blankly and then spiral into a mopey, self-centered depression? Oh, never mind. This is still the ‘no one cares’ game.” –Tophat

And your runners up! Also very funny

“You have responsibilities, John. You can’t just stay up here watching the sunrise, writing about animals, and carving giant altars to the Goat Demon Baphomet.” –Dan

“I think the current Funky Winkerbean storyline is intended to be a sort of It Gets Better project for dorky teenage guys who are bad with women. In the future, you’ll be doing the rejecting! Of course, the actual It Gets Better project is supposed to stop people from committing suicide, not drive them to it.” –ratnerstar

“Just wait until Momma starts buying post-midnight radio ads that feature a voice saying, ‘Francis, God can see you masturbating right now.'” –un malpaso

“I was wondering, why 75 years? So Momma has considered that her son would be attracted to someone, say, 74 years old, lounging in a bikini on the beach? Then I recalled the disturbing relationship between Momma and Francis and I died a little inside.” –StoutHearted

“Vodka shooters? What the hell are those? Jesus, doesn’t anyone use mason jars anymore?” –Doctor Handsome

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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Is it COTW time again? You know it!

“I love how gently rumpled Les’s tie is. It seems to say everything about Les, about this strip … and about us all? The human predicament: gently rumpled.” –Greg

And your runners up! Also hilarious!

“Of course, ‘mouse’ is the Smiths’ code word for ‘meth,’ as their racing brains are being kept up all night by the sound of their own teeth-grinding.” –BigTed

“The ‘raise the roof’ poses of everyone at Drew’s party seems rather awkward. I wonder if Liza got them all to attend by pointing a gun at them.” –Mark B

“I’ve followed this unbroken line of arrows that say CONFERENCE ROOM 3 all the way down the hall, but this last arrow ends 18 inches away from anything. So where the hell is Conference Room 3? Oh, could it be this door marked CONFERENCE ROOM 3? Guess I’ll give it a shot.” –ks

“All right, let’s get this party started! Who wants a cup of cake?!” –Ned Ryerson

“Les has so many facets of his personality, to the point where they’re all bad. I mean, there’s Mopey Les, which you could almost feel sorry for, but there’s also Self-Righteous Les, Creepy Les, Creepy Womanizer Les…” –Pseudo3D

“Hair of yellow, dumb as jello; hair of black, terror’s back; hair of red … that’s the boring one, right?” –jayjaybear, on remembering which A3G girl is which

“It’s not that you have to be old to be a plugger, but when you’re casting around for things to bitch about, it helps to have more years to look back on through your distorted lens of nostalgia, grievance-based ideology, and suppressed rage.” –Walker of Dog

“I like to think the whole assembled crew is totally in on Liza’s batshit scheme. ‘Yeah, so Drew tried to break up with me like, a jillion times after our really awesome date, but I am so not having that, so let’s throw him a surprise third birthday party! That’ll show him! Something.’ ‘Okay, Liza, but if we do your thing you have to help me kidnap my ex’s kid. You’re relatively familiar with the layout of Chuck E. Cheese, right?'” –Violet

“So being paid ridiculous sums for writing trash is less fulfilling than running his own little nepotistic empire? I think the moral of this story is that it’s always better to dole out unearned favors than to receive them. Go figure.” –A New Day

“T is for Talk, which is what the assembled suspects will do, eventually, after Officer Torturedog introduces them to Tina the Shark.” –gleeb

“Any time Reeky Rat cheats at Battleship or whatever, Slylock Fox is all up in his grill. But this fucking elephant can just jack the rabbit’s ice cream, and all we’re supposed to care about is ‘T’ words? I call bullshit.” –Doctor Handsome

“It’s a tragedy that vampires always have to wear poorly fitting clothes.” –Mark B

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Fire It Up: 400 recipes for grilling everything — all about ingredients!

• City of the Snakes: From Darren Shan, the bestselling author of Hell’s Horizon, comes the final book in a dark and twisted new series. Al Jeery has no love for Cardinal Capac Raimi. Promised retribution, Al is lured into the twisted, nightmarish world of the Incan priests — where he will learn more about the City than he ever imagined … a place where power has its price.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Ha ha, suckers, I’ve already left for my Memorial Day weekend, which means your COTW has arrived unexpectedly early!

“Wouldn’t layoffs in Milford be charmingly and anachronistically referred to as laydowns?” –Dood

And the also hilarious runners up!

“No, seriously, my handball league is scheduled to share the gym tonight. Where are we gonna play?” –js

“I don’t think our tax dollars should used to pay people to teach fat cats.” –Pozzo

“Tip o’ the day: If you’re gonna have sex with a coffee maker, be sure to use a filter. Let’s keep it safe out there.” –Sequitur

“It strikes me that there are probably dozens of considerably more organic scenarios in which this ‘I gain weight just thinking about food’ gag could have been just as effectively (i.e. not at all effectively) deployed, which leads me to suspect this may be some kind of sociological experiment to ascertain just how much shit people will take before the bloody revolution ensues.” –Violet

“So sure, Sarge is gay. But apparently Corporal Yo is a 10 year old who’s just teetering on the edge of puberty, and wants to know if the changes he’s going through are normal. ‘Do you ever get excited when you see a pretty girl? I think I’m growing hair in strange places.'” –Dan

“Can only web — one of them — unless I use — both hands. Not worth the — effort!” -AndyL

“Good realism in Trail today. I tell you, whenever I had to convince my parents that I actually had some free time and wasn’t, in fact, goofing off from school, I would just scream ‘MY CLASS WAS CANCELLED!’ That always sold it.” –Edgy DC

“It seems like everyone else is determined to ignore the dog-man’s boner in Pluggers, so I guess I’ll address it: ‘Answering machine messages about debilitating ailments are plugger phone sex.’ There, are you happy? I hate myself now.” -Doctor Handsome

“Ah, yes. Kicking Momma’s Ladder, one of Cab Calloway’s lesser-known works. The song is, of course, about smoking dope.” –Red Greenback

“Flamboyant boobs, nice derrieres, disdain for the laws of physics, no regard for plot continuity — I know I’m hooked. That Stan Lee is a genius and he’s laughing all the way to the bank.” –ArchieNemesis

“Pulsating, wild … um … uninhibited? Are you buying any of this?” –Chyron HR

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.