“I can’t be the only one reading resentment and spite into Doris’s dialogue in A3G, can I? ‘I won’t be able to leave until I throw this into the crowd? Fine. Here you go, assholes! Now get out of my way.’ I mean, why else would she toss the bouquet like that, overhand and facing forward? My guess is she deliberately threw it at Paul because she wanted to make the other ladies sad. Meanwhile, poor dim Lu Ann just says what she sees. Five minutes ago, it was ‘Paul! You ate food!'” –thebirdgirl

“I’m trying to imagine you with all those pretty girls, Killer, but my vision is obscured by a cloud of pepper spray.” –NoahSnark

“The mournful words from her companion’s mouth were merely a dull buzz to Elviney. She had seen the perversion of the man, pale and smelling of powder and chemicals. While this had turned Loweezy away, Elviney could barely resist its sick draw. She would be back for the still man-thing, under cover of night, and she would have her way with it.” –Katie Cunningham

“I love how the little narration box has no punctuation at all. Ordinarily, I feel like your main character being shoved violently (by … a stick, I guess) into a pit of undetermined depth would elicit an exclamation point, or even an ellipsis to broaden the suspense, but not even the inkers give a shit about Mark anymore. ‘Yeah, yeah, shoved in a pit, possible broken limbs or railroad spikes, we get it, pass the tequila.'” –els

“Oh for a speech bubble shouting ‘It’s about twenty feet deep! Suck it, Trail!'” –The McK

“Mary Worth: You know how sometimes, when you’re watching a movie or reading a book, you’re all on edge because you know the protagonist is making a terrible mistake, but other times, you don’t care, because the ‘protagonist’ deserves whatever pain he gets? This is the second thing.” –Cloudbuster

“Isn’t Pastor Tuttle notorious for mooching food and other subsistence items from his grindingly poor flock? Maybe his thoughts are just another means to his nutritional ends, as in, ‘I could tell you Brother Travis’ destination for another slice of pie.'” –Dood

“Mark’s underground prison seems brightly lit for a hole in the ground. Why doesn’t he just climb up the electrical conduit and escape?” –AhClem

“Drew doesn’t even realize he’s already on another date with Liza as they skate together in the hospital’s indoor physical therapy ice rink.” –sporknpork

“I know this isn’t revolutionary or anything, but for the record, Les Moore sucks. Why can’t his wife be alive and have him dead? Then we would know the book about Les’ Story would actually be entertaining because we get the thrill of knowing he dies at the end.” –Gene S.

“It would be cool if sunlight destroyed Martine and Morbius. But, this being the wimpy Spiderman strip, it’s more likely that sunrise will cure vampirism, leaving behind two mortified and very human ex-vampires. A scolding will ensue.” –Bill Thompson

“All hail Martine! Plumber’s apprentice to Dracula!” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Yes, this is the first time we’ve had sex where you weren’t thinking of your dead wife, so I thought for a change that I would bring her up … so, are you thinking of her now?” –pugfuggly

“I love the sad, sad picture of Snuffy on that poster. He took his hat off and Lukey took a picture of his hangdog expression to commemorate the occasion. Lukey is kind of a dick.” –Faoladh

“If the tongue-waggin’, droopy boob scenes we see in Snuffy Smith are representative of the strip’s whole universe, then I doubt that there are any cute cat uploaders because there is nothing cute whatsoever in the poorly-drawn dystopia that is Hootin’ Holler. Even a baby seal’s mouth would become a yawning maw from which no adorableness can escape when it laughed.” –Neigedens

“Having told the duck all of her dark and terrible secrets Helga proceeded to kill it, cook it, and serve it to Hagar so he could understand her better without the terrible burdens of communication and knowledge.” –NoahSnark

“Look, I’m way beyond being bothered by the implication that Clovis intends to beat his wife for many more years, or the fact that Snuffy finds that hilarious. But Clovis’s facial expression in the last panel is fucking inexcusable. He looks like the world’s ugliest sea lion getting ready to perform cunnilingus on the devil.” –Doctor Handsome

“Les is a success at last! If only he had another book in him to keep the momentum going. What else could he Frey-fake-memoir about? No, gotta keep it real, since the Three Cups of Tea scandal they’re really checking. Too bad someone else close to Les isn’t dying. Too bad. Too bad. The white screen stares in front of him, mocking him with its emptiness. The kitchen knives call his name from their drawers. So many people in Westview in pain, and Les could fix it all. They’d thank him, really, especially when they get movies made about them. Cayla wants to be as famous as Lisa, doesn’t she? Of course she does. Of course. Go get those knives, Les. It’s all for the sake of art.” –MaryAnnTheRest

“I love Snuffy Smith’s reaction in the final panel there, clutching his head in disbelief. ‘Haw haw haw! Fifteen! You said fifteen! That’s definitely a thing that you said! … Okay, I dunno what a fifteen is.'” –Tophat

“I hope we can remain friends! If I’m lucky, she’ll say ‘yes’ when I get down on one knee and offer her this diamond friendship ring. And I hope she’ll accept my offer to move into my place, since I’ve really been struggling with the rent since my last roommate moved out and it’d be great to have a new roomie that I’m already friends with. You know, I don’t see how this breakup could go wrong at all!” –Krazy Kat

“Spider-Man is thinking, ‘I want to erect a monument to this conversation … where can I find a grade of marble boring enough?'” –Kibo

“Did you think the vampires in Twilight were awful? Just wait; Spider-Man features vampires who can’t even successfully turn into vampires. They can only melodramatically shrug at their inability to become vampires and then argue about it. On the other hand, they do have horrifically over-sized eyebrows.” –Alan’s Addiction

“What’s that? They want to make Lisa’s Story into a movie? And hire me as a consultant? Thanks, but I just got laid for the first time since she died and … I guess I’m just not that obsessed by it any more. Ok? Thanks — bye.” –cheech wizard

“I need a C-band uplink, gentleman. I shall also require some Grey Poupon.” –Ned Ryerson

“‘OH MARGO. I’M GOING TO CRY.’ ‘YES.’ ‘THIS IS DEFINITELY HOW THE HU-MANS PORTRAY EMOTION.’ ‘YES.’ ‘WE ARE NOT AT ALL UNFEELING SPACE ROBOTS FROM THE BEYOND.’ ‘NO.'” –commodorejohn

“I just want to say to anyone who thinks today’s Mark Trail is like gay porn: you have bad taste in gay porn.” –nescio

“Ziggy’s never ridden anyone in his life and likely never will, so this is his big chance! With the cost priced at Ziggy’s income level and his pants already off, Ziggy is ready for action.” –S. Stout

“I like to think that Mr. Wilson’s evil, hate-filled gaze caused Dennis’s glass to implode. I think that giving Mr. Wilson freaky mind-powers would make this strip the indisputable greatest thing, ever. If you disagree with that statement, merely imagine it as, ‘Grumpy Old Men: Scanners.’ Still don’t like the idea? That’s all right; telekinetic Mr. Wilson knows where you live and can literally change your mind.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Berna and Rex lean over the parapet to see Dex yelling from a trap door. Soon, they will scramble down the leaning slab to rescue him. It’s true what they say: Brutalism’s spatial vocabulary is overconstrained.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Greatest trios in history: 5. Bird, McHale, Parrish. 4. Moe, Larry, Curly. 3. Cobain, Grohl, Novaselic. 2. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. 1. Today’s Mark Trail: Tron, Thundarr the Barbarian, and Jeff Hostetler.” –Gene S.

“I thought I was grossed out by Les’s kissing Lisa because Lisa is dead. But no, now that I see Les kissing a living woman, that’s gross too. From the way he extends his lips, I imagine they squish like liver and are slightly watery around the edges.” –Katy

“I know it’s way too much to hope that Savarna has found true love with a nice human male who carries on normal conversations and never wears purple tights and stripey shorts. But she does seem genuinely gleeful, so I’m hoping she recently discovered vibrators.” –Poteet

“Humans are less to us than beasts are to them! For example, it wouldn’t even occur to any human to force beasts to watch this idiotic storyline play out! Their compassion is their weakness!” –Doctor Handsome

“When exactly did Martine change from last week’s brown-housecoat-over-a-pink-dress ensemble to her current ‘Jazzercize bride of darkness’ look, anyway?” –TheDiva

“So Quill did not go to the pageant, apparently. He had the opportunity to attend an abysmally conceived and almost unfathomably haphazardly executed parade of shame at a jam-packed frankfurter emporium and he just let it pass? What the hell did he even come to this country for, anyway?” –Violet

“Tips from Mark Trail: If you’re out in the woods and without a sleeping bag, find a giant summer squash, cut it open and use it as your sleeping bag. It’s squishy, but warm.” –Dood

“Oy, mopey Les sex. What am I bet that he gives her the cancer with his sad, sad wiener?” –Hamsterpants

“THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF DIFFERENT NOISES AROUND HERE, ANDY! YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HERE IN THE PART OF THE FOREST WHERE IT IS BOTH NIGHT AND DAY SIMULTANEOUSLY. IF YOU DISTURB THE WILD YOU MIGHT ATTRACT UNWANTED ATTENTION FROM BEARS, THAT COUGAR WE SAW MOMENTS AGO, OR THE POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS MAN WE’RE STALKING!! BUT ITS NOTHING FOR EXPERIENCED WOODSMEN LIKE US TO BE WORRIED ABOUT! I’LL JUST FALL ASLEEP AN INCH FROM THIS UNATTENDED FIRE AND I’LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNIzzzZZZZzzzzzZZZzZZZ…” –Black Drazon

Oh, I read you! You want to see my shrine to my dead wife in the attic!” –AndyL