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You guys! I’m back from my vacation, and I am as ever INSANELY GRATEFUL to everyone who participated in the fundraiser! You’ll all as usual be getting personalized thank yous over the course of this week, but for the moment, let me give a blanket thanks! And thanks also to Uncle Lumpy, who always does a stellar job of filling in.

And one more person to thank! I returned to find that faithful reader Aviatrix had decorated the comments of the week float for me — how thoughtful! Here is your week’s top comment!

“Two things popped into my head when I read Dick Tracy today. First, I thought, what well-rendered and vicious looking rats! Then, I thought, oh! I finally know a concrete thing that is happening in a Dick Tracy plot: someone is about to die.” –Sophie

And your runners up! Also very funny!

“Due to his head injury, all Mark can do is shout ‘WHAT?’ He doesn’t understand what Senorita MomJeans is saying. He just shouts ‘WHAT?'” –UncleJeff

“This story is a crime triathlon intended to prove that Mark is the most kickass outdoor writer ever. After a month of drug smuggling, the story will move on to The Island Of Sex Trafficking.” –Poteet

“For years I’ve tried to explain to my kids why they have to learn to cook, do laundry, and become potentially self-sufficient. Finally, I have the stuff to convince them. ‘Look, if you don’t learn to wash your own clothes, you’ll be dependent on people who can bring down your entire drug smuggling island kingdom!'” -MaryAnnTheRest

“Okay, so Lonnie’s willing to listen to Mark’s ideas for getting off the island, when (1) there’s an available boat, (2) there are regularly scheduled flights on Otto Pilot, and (3) there is a ginormous terrapin with a back the size of an aircraft carrier swimming around in circles just off shore, just WAITING for passengers. HOW many options does the woman want?” –Charterstoned

“There’s something about that ‘I may not be successful’ line that makes me expect it to be followed by some kind of artistic goal like ‘I will attempt to write a novel in which the vowels AEIOU will always appear in the same order before any repetition of vowels occurs.'” –Mr. O’Malley

“Apparently, internet addiction is causing Dawn’s head to slowly slide off of her neck.” –Faoladh

“Somehow I picture Dawn being sent to a clinic for internet addiction. It’s very similar to a clinic for heroin addicts, except they give you an Etch-A-Sketch instead of methadone.” –Scott Bot

“Oh, lord, the window. The cabinets. The cereal box. I can’t believe this isn’t intentional. The artist really dreams of producing a ‘spot the differences’ puzzle strip, and secretly works it into Mary Worth panels.” –Cloudbuster

“I want a Dick Tracy t-shirt with the eighteen or so identical granary panels, legend beneath: ‘Dick Tracy: The Storm is Intensifying.'” –TooMuchFreeTime

“Well, you know when newspapers license comics today, they have a lot of options available: they can request the color version, or the black and white version; the large size of the small size; the Euclidean one or the Lobachevskian one, etc.” –Nekrotzar

“You can’t really blame Tracy. He jumped out of the building at least twice. If Mordred didn’t get the idea, maybe he needed to be devoured by rats.” –gleeb

“Hey, not only are we getting a new team for the comic strip itself, but the Crimestoppers Textbook is now being written by Mark Trail.” –Frank Lee Meidere

“I suspect the word balloon ‘I’m thinking of the football team’ could be placed over Tiffany’s head at any given point and not be inappropriate.” –Pozzo

“Cartooning about dance is like miming about architecture. Or fishing about bicycles. Anyway, just pretend he’s saying, ‘I’m gonna kill you, Tracy!’ and she’s saying, ‘I HATE RATS!’ and it’ll be almost interesting.” –[Old Man] Muffaroo

“Most historians agree that the decline of literacy in the dark ages coincided with the rise of hexting as the predominant form of communication.” –Joe Btfsplk

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Is your computer running slow?: Crucial can help. A memory upgrade is one of the most affordable, effective ways to boost performance! Our tools find the right upgrade–guaranteed compatible. Upgrades for PCs, notebooks, netbooks, and Macs. Affordable, easy to install. Online customer/tech support.

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Click above to contribute by credit card or PayPal, here to contribute by check, or here for more details — Thanks!

Spring is in the air! And what better way to celebrate than with a generous donation to the Comics Curmudgeon? Twice a year, I encourage readers to join me in financial support of this fine entertainment, to keep the Comics Curmudgeon strong and independent. If Josh helped enrich your life this past winter, why not return the favor?

Click the banner above to contribute by credit card or PayPal. Full details are here, along with an index to all 36 fundraising banners. Enjoy, and thank you!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Hey, everybody, I’m leaving for a vacation tomorrow! But don’t worry, I’ve set off the Uncle Symbol and there’s stirring in the Fortress of Lumpitude, so I have faith that your favorite pinch hitter will be on the case starting tomorrow for your comics-mocking pleasure.

Meanwhile, here is your comment of the week!

“‘Love Cherry’ isn’t an autograph. It’s a reminder to himself, because he keeps forgetting what it is, exactly, he’s expected to do.” –David Willis

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Trey admires the elevator for its fine classical ironwork, which serves as a reminder of a more genteel age of American society. Paul, on the other hand, is in awe of the ‘magic up-up box’.” –Chyron HR

“Between Charlie Sheen and the promise of drunk Margo, substance abuse has never been more entertaining, or more improbably coiffed, than it is this week.” –YoungMrGrace

“Wilbur is clearly a regular at this diner; they know his eating habits so well, they don’t even bother giving him a plate anymore.” –Doctor Handsome

“I guess Canada will have to serve as the scapegoat if the Lockhorns actually end up having sex with each other.” –Digger

“Let me tell you something Wilbur, I wouldn’t worry about Dawn’s lack of social interaction. Look at me, I’m supposed to be some sort of close friend or family member, and I don’t really recall ever talking to you before. It hasn’t done me any harm.” –AndyL

“Look mom, a stray wounded man, let’s take him home and name him Lucky!” –F. Cecious Lee

“I’m sorry, Loretta, but no way is that lady going to approve your adoption application now.” –Violet

“It’s not just that Mom Jeans and Spawn (what a great name for a sitcom) have dragged Mark up the beach and into one of their beds, no. It’s that they’ve put Mark Trail into a clean bed, fully clothed in his filthy, stinking, gull shit-splattered 50’s gas station attendant uniform. Do they want him to die of massive infections so they can bury him in the dunes, next to Bysshe Shelley? Evidently personal hygiene and laundry mean nothing on Isla des Mom Jeans. I bet they left his boots on too.” –Islamorada Girl

“Joey desperately ponders what else besides baby powder or cologne could be used to cover up Dennis’s stench.” –nescio

“Interesting. Wilbur isn’t eating that hamburger. I believe he’s making out with it. I also believe I no longer have any will to live.” –Dragon of Life

“Today’s Dick Tracy’s exploration of Lovecraftian themes (the lonely, decrepit house, monstrous rats about to devour a man alive, the barely-sane detective reaching for a revolver and shouting to ancient, nameless ‘Gods’) gives me hope that we’ll ultimately see Cthulhu in the comics pages rise up and destroy the non-believers in a cross-over event that will put the Blondie anniversary to shame.” –The Klute

“I’m gay and yet the highlight of my day has been the prospect of June Morgan working the pole. God help me what has this site done to me?” –dakrat

“When JJJ speaks about ‘the powers of a spider,’ I assume he’s referring to Peter’s ability to hang still in one place for days, waiting for food to come to him.” –frippy

“Also, ‘Your boat drifted onto our little island … you are in my home’ delivers a very, very low ratio of information to word count.” –Katy

“Look, Paul, just because a man won’t be caught dead without a jauntily tied scarf, enjoys making over tired spaces into something fresh and fabulous, and ‘dates’ a woman who’s half tart-tongued viper and half emotional doormat doesn’t necessary mean that man is gay. It just means he appreciates stereotypes. Now kiss me, you dumb blond hunk.” –Mikey

“Has Dawn managed to find a form of suffering too ridiculous for Funky Winkerbean? Scientists and experts should be notified.” –Dan

And this comment from Joe Btfsplk was a bit too long for consideration but attention must be paid nonetheless.

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Is your computer running slow?: Crucial can help. A memory upgrade is one of the most affordable, effective ways to boost performance! Our tools find the right upgrade–guaranteed compatible. Upgrades for PCs, notebooks, netbooks, and Macs. Affordable, easy to install. Online customer/tech support.
• Photocopier rage?: A portable pep talk for the overworked and underappreciated! Stay sane and amused at work by reading SAVAGE CHICKENS, a collection of zany Post-it cartoons starring Doug Savage’s beloved chickens and their office mates!

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.