Post Content

OK, your comments of the week coming … eventually! But this week I have an unusual number of items to share with you!

First off: if you’ve ever wanted to hear me jaw with Tall Tale Radio podcaster Tom Racine and Sally Forth writer/Medium Large creator Ces Marculiano, well now’s your chance! We take on the hard-hitting questions in the world of comics, such as “If Tommie from Apartment 3-G had an iPod, would that tear a hole in the fabric of space-time?” and “Has Josh ever made Ces cry?” and “Can you you do a successful podcast when one party is standing on the street in Brooklyn talking into his cell phone?” (The answers are probably, yes, and barely, respectively.)

Also! This Marmaduke is presumably burned so deeply in your brain that you probably can’t remember a time when the image didn’t haunt you. But as faithful reader Jake points out, it’s merely another entry in the awful cycle of Marmadukean eternal return. Here’s the strip from April 1, 2009:

“Marmaduke can barely wait a whole year before it decided to just re-hash the same joke,” Jake says. “Don’t ancient strips like these usually take old material from the 50s, and not from twelve months prior? Oh, and it still kind of looks like the owner-man is trying to have sex with Marm. It has simply gotten worse with time. Much, much worse.”

And yet perhaps we are lucky that the Marmaduke creative team has chosen not to go too deep into the archives! After all, their fancy might have settled on this entry, which faithful reader Brian saved when it first ran in the late ’90s for his own inscrutable purposes:

OK, uh, let’s clear that out of our mind, shall we? Today’s Mark Trail features Mark beginning to discuss his overpowering love for canoeing and fly-fishing in blessed motor-free silence. Thus it may come as a shock to learn that in 1971 he served as the narrator for a book offering “tips” on operating the very motorboats whose noise pollution he claims to abhor!

1971 was of course a very different time. Check out Mark, stone-cold smoking a pipe, engaging in a little battery maintenance while a comely swimsuited lass who may or may not be Cherry looks on in obvious arousal. (Mark is ignoring her, proving that 1971 wasn’t that different.)

Curious otters! Jovial portly dudes in inner tubes! Uh, yeah, I have no idea either.

Thanks to faithful reader Randy for this stunning find.

And now, after all that delay: your comment of the week!

“Remember when Mark was going on about finding a solution to this Paradise Lake problem that would make everyone happy? It looks like the ‘everyone’ Mark was referring to is himself and the Justice Twins, Lefty and Righty. I look forward to tomorrow’s episode, when one of the paper-pushing weenies in glasses tries to interrupt Mark to ask a clarifying question about fly fishing and gets an up close and personal meeting with Righty, followed by a closing remark from Lefty. Sit down, geek, a real man’s talking about nature!” –Krazy Kat

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Yes, Roberta used her maiden name: ‘Bobbie.'” –Aesahaettr

“I think that Tobey is actually jealous that Mary is meddling someone else, and is trying to get some attention. ‘Excessive shopping, is that all? Look at me, I don’t even know how to pick up a teacup. See, I’ve dislocated my shoulder and broken several fingers during the attempt! I need your help, Mary. Help ME!'” –peabody

“‘The Professor agreed to keep the police out of the matter.’ Wait, the Professor had to be persuaded? He more than anyone should want the police way the hell up out and away from his little fraud sex dope skank party. Also, the NYPD now takes orders from shrinks? This is Bloomberg again, right?” –Uncle Lumpy

“Martin’s smile is a dazzling mix of Crest, Bobbie’s leftover happy pills, and ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead!’ Ah, the blissful highs of institutionalizing loved ones, ammirite?” –Black Drazon

“Of all the insane depraved mutant animals and plotlines that Mark Trail has put out, a career politician profusely sweating under questioning HAS to be the most absurd and unlikely. The affection between Mark and Cherry is more realistic.” –Pingu

“Too bad the Hitler family does not have a sectional to accommodate the missus in what could have been a menage-a-trois of hellish, poorly-drawn proportions. As it stands, she just has to wait her turn with arms crossed and looking thoroughly bored/disgusted/misshapen.” –Skeltometer

“Confess, Senator! You’ve been illegally trapping spotted owls and turning them into fabulous bow ties.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“The neat thing about basing a movie on a pre-existing franchise is the knowledge that the franchise brings its own fans, who simultaneous serve as guaranteed seat fillers and unpaid viral promoters. Whoever greenlit the Marmaduke movie apparently didn’t realize that this is not the case with Marmaduke and rushed to correct it by forcing Mr. Anderson to appeal to whatever grim demographic is drawn in by the horror presented today.” –bunivasal

“In Mark Trail news, the Honorable Senator Badguy McSweatballs sure did grab that hanky fast. Where was it, spring-loaded in his sleeve?” –Paddy

“It looks like the Senator’s political career will soon be over. Luckily, he’s already dressed for his next job, Ice Cream Man! ” –Digger

“Oh, that’s rage alright in Funky Winkerbean. Just entirely internalised rage. The kind of rage that smoulders inside you, pulling you tighter and tighter, burning you from the inside out until you’re nothing but an exhausted hollow human-shaped casket full of ashes and despair. (I may have just spoiled the eventual final Funky Winkerbean storyarc.)” –Lolsworth

“Stripey butt is just a random collection of muscles flying a helicopter. It’s like the artist carefully cut out every muscle from several anatomy books and then sprinkled them over a torso-like shape, making a collage of them where they fell. He’s the John Cage of newspaper comics.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“I don’t read Funky Winkerbean except when it appears here. It seems like a sitcom with a ‘very special episode’ that just won’t end.” –Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™

“And to think we all scoffed when the FAA had us drill for an attack by a purple-clad ghost flying a helicopter.” –skullcrusherjones

“Good God, I know the despair never really lets up, but this week, FW has been RELENTLESS. Are barbiturates Funky’s ‘secret ingredient’ in his pizza sauce? Well, actually, that doesn’t make sense, since drug-laced pizza would have been a hit in New York (Boom! Fancy city-types are all junkies! I gotta write to Pluggers!).” –bartcow

“Of course, as everyone knows, too-bad-your-crazy-ass-girlfriend-whom-you-unethically-enabled-and-who-nearly-killed-our-friends-and-was-sent-to-a-‘facility’-‘upstate’ sex is the best kind of sex.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“School of bad choices: those earrings.” –Cooby

“This does explain why Bonnie doesn’t have the ready cash to tip her stylist, which is an object lesson in itself as we can all see the terrible havoc a pissed-off and resentful hairdresser can wreak on one’s orange helmet-head coiffure.” –curlyfries

“What’s the problem? An addiction to shopping or a morbid obsession with clothing the color of baby shit? Either is bad, but one is worse. ” –Who Is Dick Player?

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Neverland: In a shack they call Neverland, two boys learn that all gods demand sacrifice. From NYT bestselling author Douglas Clegg comes a gothic tale of family secrets and games of innocence turned to darkness.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot — and how you could sponsor our RSS feed — click here.

Post Content

No fuss, no muss this week: just your comment of the week.

“I know we all get to that point with Pluggers where we think, ‘These man-beasts are based on real people, which is so sad it’s almost unbearable.’ I just wanted to let everyone know, I got there today. And when I did, I had myself a little giggle at the ‘bear’ pun I made in my head. Unbearable … haha. Then I got sadded out again.” –Maggie

And your runners up as well! Very funny!

“[Crankshaft says something.] [Somebody asks him a question about it.] [Crankshaft makes a weak pun-like statement.] Oh, I forgot to say: SPOILER FOR CRANKSHAFT.” –[Old Man] Muffaroo

“The only way this could be more deflating is if Margo suddenly developed the capacity to love.” –Nekrotzar

“Sam was shocked and surprised for so long I was beginning to get worried. I’m glad to see him back at the top of his game. Whichever game it is that requires him to be a smug dick.” –Darkefang

“I would totally read the Mark Trail spinoff series ‘Ranger Buzz Gets Laid,’ in which Ranger Buzz travels to remote locations that are always fortuitously populated by young, attractive single ladies. He introduces himself as the improbably named ‘Ranger Buzz,’ they are inevitably smitten, and then they do it. While the local woodland creatures watch.” –Revenge of Chesnut

“I eagerly anticipate the end of this Mary Worth storyline, where ‘Bonnie’ turns out to be Wilbur Weston in drag, and ‘Mary Worth’ turns out to be David Bowie.” –Steve S

“Wow, that’s a lot of text for a Pluggers comic. I wonder if their readership made it all the way through.” –JD

“When you’re a plugger, Big Mouth Billy Bass is apparently a bedroom aide.” –BowToTheBard

“For Margo, guns are as common as neckerchiefs in whatever hell hole Lu Ann claims to be from.” –skullcrusherjones

“This is actually a reworking of the original submission, as ‘Pluggers think Ice-T is that cold tea beverage that you drink, with ice, and not that rap guy/TV sex crimes investigator’ was deemed too clunky even by Pluggers standards.” –Violet

“Josh, do not fear the hammer. Fear the hammer handle. Obviously, we have not witnessed the same porn movies.” –Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™

“Jeffy should respond to this disappointment like he does all disappointments, by shocking his mother with nudity.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“I too read Tiffany’s line in panel 2 as referring pretty straightforwardly to a vibrator. Then I realized that that would have been a reasonably snappy sarcastic response to Gunther’s creepy, vaguely insulting question, and was therefore unlikely to have appeared in a Luann strip.” –perchingpath

“So the Random Luann Romance Generator finally threw out Gunther and Tiffany. And I keep waiting for it to be Bernice and Delta’s turn.” –yellojkt

“On the (reasonably lengthy) list of things that high school boys absolutely do not say, ‘I think if we talk about our issues, we’ll both feel better’ constitutes at least one in every three of them.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Hey waitaminute, Dave: Lily’s lost a very big part of her retirement savings? Must be one helluva prenup.” –Uncle Lumpy

“That second panel of the Phantom is fantastic. The glum but grim face of the Phantom as the narration box practically screams the word DEAD at him, while he stands just outside his creepy skull cave taking a sad, forlorn leak. ‘I will avenge you, Diana, after I’m finished draining the PYTHON.'” –Taquelli

“Frankly, I love Falk’s transformation in the third panel. He just went from erudite professor to bad-ass: he sheds the extra-lame ‘book’, adds a piercing glare, aqua bowler hat, menacing skull beating-stick, and a real zebra-skin coat draped over his right arm. Aww yeah, it’s Pimp time, bitches.” –Margaret

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Scene Missing Magazine: Get reviews like this:
  • “I’d call it ‘Welcome Backula, Dracula’ and cast Scott Bakula as Dracula.” –The Informant! review
  • “You may think he’s clever/ with an IQ that’s healthy/ that Gremlin ain’t smart- he’s just wealthy” –Gremlins 2 review
  • “A cartoon dog plays Ayn Rand’s halo like a xylophone.” –BioShock 2 review

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot — and how you could be the launch advertiser for our new RSS feed sponsorship — click here.

Post Content

Your COTW in a moment, but first: surely you recall this charming COTW runner up from last week:

“Someone really ought to paint panel 1 of Bobbie and Margo on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. They can just paint over whatever’s there now.” –monsieurjohn

Well, faithful reader Brenda Starr Destroyer made that happen. Impressed?

And now, on to the business of the day — the COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“That look on Sam’s face could be ‘Oh, that’s the guy who’s been nailing my little girl,’ but I prefer to think it’s, ‘A cart? And here I’ve always carried my baggage like a schmo.'” –gleeb

And your funny runners up:

“Don’t listen to her Bobbie! You put that gun down, she will swallow you whole! Like a snake!” –Rantingdude

“Clearly, Billy has decided to start a sandwich collection, and is disappointed to receive one he already has. It’s just like Pokemon cards, only his parents don’t think bread is the work of Satan.” –Andrusi

“The Magee household must have a hell of a thing to witness back in the day since two members of the family ask, ‘What’s going on?’ instead of ‘What’s with the gun?'” –skullcrusherjones

“Billy requires two sandwiches because of the extra stomach in his head.” –Rhekarid

“I love the POV of Gil Thorp’s panel 3. Now we know what the world looks like to Kaz’s left forearm! Hopefully they remember to turn the KazKam off before he hits the men’s room to drain all those lite beers.” –Krazy Kat

“With regard to ‘stepmother,’ I believe the term you’re looking for is ‘evil stepmother.'” –MKH, on the proper description for Bobbie’s relationship to Margo

“It is definitely a mistake to think that Ziggy has ever been within a mile of anything hip enough to be in UrbanDictionary. He’s referring to jacks, which he plays, like the game of life, badly and alone.” –MsMolly

“This is just a rerun of a strip from the 80s, with ‘iTunes’ in place of ‘Pac Man Fever’. And that was just a rerun of a strip from the 60s, with ‘Pac Man Fever’ in place of ‘chlamydia’.” —Chyron HR

“Last time we saw Mark he was in the lake with an overturned canoe after the hairy dudes took a shot at him. Now he is dry, with perfect hair and immaculately ironed clothes. Just more proof Mark is actually made out of plastic. You can also see this because his lips never move. Poor Cherry, I think she thought being married to a tall plastic pillar would be more fun.” –nerowolfgal

“Wow, I never noticed that poor Puddles never made it out of the old Evans drawing style. Puddles is some sort of sad, flabbily drawn, vestigial creature. Whoa … I felt a moment of compassion for him until I remembered that whole Puddles-centric Christmas adventure, where Puddles had thought balloons for what seemed like weeks on end, and romanced some sort of poodley girl dog, and ended up hangin’ with Santa. Fuck you, Puddles.” –Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed

“Are there actually pluggers in Eugene, Oregon? Or is this ‘Glen Wolfram’ a U of O elitist who said to himself, ‘I dunno, Pluggers something something overeating. Hey, a writing credit’s a writing credit.'” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“The New York Campaign for Cruelty-free Food hung those banners, and ‘Free Pizza!’ is an imperative sentence, calling on the good people of New York to line up, march into Montoni’s, and take action in the name of good pizza. Each misbegotten crime against gastronomy, secured in a well-insulated pizza box, is quietly carried out to the dumpster and compassionately euthanized. Inside the crime scene, or ‘restaurant’, each rescuer is permitted to punch Funky or Les in the face.” –Walker of Dog

“The safeword is ‘Rosebud’ because it’s the last thing you’ll say before you die.” –The TJ

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Pet the kitty!: Birthday cards, graduation cards, cards for every day; mugs, t-shirts, and assorted nerd schwag. LABKITTY: Stuff for Smart Cats! (One of the creative minds behind this site is faithful reader SmartPeopleOnIce — be sure to let him and his fellow LabKitty designers know what you think on the site feedback page!)
• Alibi Comics T-shirts: Funny alibis. Wear your alibi…or someone else’s. Funny T-shirts, accessories, other clothing.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot — and how you could be the launch advertiser for our new RSS feed sponsorship — click here.