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Your comments of the week momentarily, but first, some items! I wish to begin by pointing your attention to the New Yorker Cartoon Lounge’s take on the upcoming Archie nuptials. It made me laugh! Is this how William Shawn and Dorothy Parker would have wanted this beloved publication to enter the Internet age? Probably!

Next, I present the final rounds of what would Margo Do bracelet pics! First up is from faithful reader Alfred E. Newman. “I got my wife to photograph me during my daily Pledge of Allegiance to the Comics Curmudgeon!”

Next comes a pic from faithful reader the Ridger. “I’ve often thought that Margo’s favorite superhero would be Buttercup, the amazingly mean Powerpuff Girl. Also, that Buttercup might love Margo.”

Finally, faithful reader exspecialagentstarling offers this ominous photo. “Decisions decisions. What Would Margo Do?”

And now … your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I wonder if it would be possible to reproduce the ‘This is MY crib!’ panel of Rex Morgan in the form of a welcome mat. I wonder about it a lot.” –peabody

And your runners up! Very funny!

“9CL: Edda’s friend understands that by asking for mime and making bland, encouraging comments, she can get Edda to shut up. She’s not even really looking. ‘Jeepers’ is what you throw into a conversation when you’re tying to pass the Turing Test as lazily as possible.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“In panel two, I am fairly sure that Lisa’s ghost is near a bush, watching to see if Les does, indeed, spread the jelly right to the edge.” –Comics Fan

“I can see why Cherry decided to stay home if Mark’s idea of an enjoyable vacation involves being beaten unconscious.” –Darkefang

“You see, Kayla, the one time Lisa didn’t spread the jelly all the way to the edge she ended up pregnant and then dead. How sad if that were to happen to you.” –Gary

“I think Tommie’s wistful sigh in panel three is indicative of the thought process, ‘I would give anything to upgrade my emotional status to lonely and unloved.'” –Violet

“Moments after the picture was taken, this plugger ate his own overalls.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Poor unemployed Bob relies on fish caught from a swamp to feed his family. Now Mark brings Rusty to the swamp to (1) catch the fish that Bob otherwise would eat, (2) derail Bob’s only opportunity to earn some money by joining the poachers, and (3) eliminate poaching, thereby allowing the population of alligators to explode and the population of fish to vanish. Thanks a heap, Mark! Now, why don’t you and Rusty come over to Bob’s cabin, eat a heaping meal to clean out his meager pantry, and then molest his daughter.” –seismic-2

“That’s weird. Pluggers generally has nothing to do with the species of its title characters, who usually seem to be fired theme-park workers who couldn’t get out of the costume.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Does it make me weird that I’m way more terrified of the thought of grody, gut-length old-man beards than some horrific goat-human-demon hybrid? I don’t think so. I think it only means I’m more aware of how microbial pandemics work than most people.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Pantsless Ziggy sitting on me? I’d start the suicide countdown lower than nine.” –Johnnycakes

“Billy isn’t wrong in his math. There can be only one driver’s license in the Keane family (no women need apply, naturally), and it’s that many days until the ritual death by stoning of Daddy Bil.” –Steve S

“Too bad I didn’t adopt Margo as a role model decades ago. I’d either be president of a television network or, perhaps, in jail.” –ladadog

“Dude, Tommy is blissed-the-fuck-out. Thankfully, I don’t remember the age when sitting in a literally steaming dump was so satisfying, but … he makes a compelling case.” –teddytoad

“Seeing as how the hospital parking lot is filled with nothing but hearses, I’d say Scott’s chances probably aren’t fantastic.” –it’s time to pay the price

“I comforted many violent crime victims’ families over the years! Now I’m on the other side! I’ll be the one committing the violent crime! These claw-like fingernails are the only lethal weapon I need!” –Nekrotzar

“Not content with pioneering the concept of a couch potato hero, this strip now shows us a couch potato villain. When they meet for their battle, what will they fight over? The remote?” –Larry Fine

“Look at how sinister Crock looks in the first panel. It’s like he’s tainted the food with some kind of incredibly painful stomach flu and is taunting his poor elderly mother over the phone about it. ‘How was the food on your senior cruise, MOM?? Enjoying the bloody diarrhea? Hahaha! That’s for birthing me in to this ill-begotten universe of scribbles, you dried up old bag!'” –zamros

“Oh, I pray that Scott’s going to be all right. If only it hadn’t taken three whole days to get through these doors, we might already know!” –Black Drazon

“Crock is perfect for people who love fort-based humor but can’t follow the convoluted plots of F-Troop and can’t grasp the character nuances of Walker, Texas Ranger.” –Ed Dravecky

“Bounced checks aside, it looks like Ted’s investment in mood-altering drugs was a good one.” –NoahSnark

“I take comfort in the fact that, no matter what the plot happens to be, the artists responsible for Mary Worth will take the time to lovingly render a drop ceiling in at least one panel.” –Patrick

“Ted’s habit? Three words: banned Thundercats erotica.” –commodorejohn

“MW: Now, I’m no doctor, but I always figured an arm sling was specifically to help keep the arm lightly in place while sitting or walking or being, you know, upright in some way. A sling does no good on a patient who is laying down. It’s true! Try it yourself! It offers no support; it will just hang limply if you are laying down, which is probably something Mary and Jeff are intimately familiar with OH GOD WHY DID I JUST GO THERE” –Sheila Sternwell

“I can’t wait til we get to Bobbie’s Big Reveal, when she yanks the blond wig off and it’s the bald guy who’s been scarin’ the oldsters in Rex. Or the bald guy from the Mary Worth shootout. What I’m saying is … the chick’s a dude, man, and I don’t think he’s got no hair.” –MolyBendum

“I love Doctor Whositz. Especially the episodes where he battles the Dalekmacallits.” –Ringo Beaumont III

“Silly Josh, Ted already owns the Star Wars holiday special. The money is going towards bribing Lucasfilm to allow the special’s characters to be released as action figures. Ted will never be happy without a plastic Bea Arthur singing bartender in his collection.” –McPerson

I give prodigious thanks to those who put some money in my tip jar — you know who you are! I’d also thank our advertisers … if there were any who bought BlogAds ads, and who thus get thanked every week! Sadly, there aren’t any this week — maybe next week I’ll be thanking you! To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

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Your top comment is coming shortly, but forgive me for first sharing with you the last of the What Would Margo Do? bracelet pics that have come in! First we have faithful reader AeroSquid, he of the lunatic genius comics mashups, with his faithful cat Stormy:

Next up is faithful reader SecretMargo. “I wore my bracelet around my ankle for a day, but it was slightly too tight and threatened to make a permanent groove/brand in the skin. While that may match the impressions my love for Margo has worn into my soul, I decided to relocate it to dangle loosely from my impossibly dainty wrist. I’ve included a photo that crams as much CC merchandise into the frame as is currently allowed under international law.”

(That’s a Cassandra Cat mug and a Molly the Bear shirt, not that you asked.)

And finally, faithful reader Chris wonders, “What would Margo do? If she uses a Nikon 18-200mm zoom lens (notorious for zoom creep, or lens sag), she would use the wristband as depicted. And to think, I used to use a rubber band; now I get to use something that helps with MAJOR life decisions as well.”

Oh, but wait, what was that amazing special item I mentioned in the headline? Well, among those who contributed to the fundraiser by mail was a certain Ms. Margaret Shulock, who you might know as the writer of Apartment 3-G! If you remember this blog post of hers I once linked to, you’ll know that she actually sketches out each strip before sending it to artist Frank Bolle; she was nice enough to send me her original sketch for the now-famous HAT MAN strip:

I love Margo’s dismissive little “I Googled him” wave. This will soon be framed properly, but I thought I would share it with you all here! Since Ms. Shulock’s blog post indicates that she stays up at night wondering what Margo will do next, her WWMD bracelet should help her figure it out.

(And, of course, you can let the world know that you, too, are a hat man, via a hat.)

And now, with that all settled, I give you your comment of the week!

“I think Pluggers is pretty clever today; pluggers don’t know that single speeds are The Cool Thing nowadays. So, pluggers are so excessively unhip that they cycle backwards through the whole spectrum back to fully unrealized hipness. And yet, through all this, they don’t replace toilet paper rolls in the dispenser. Pluggers!” –zamros

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Mark Trail can go camping for days without a razor and not grow any facial hair himself. He claims he punches his stubble off every morning, but rumors of electrolysis treatments persist.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“Dick, you’re beginning to sound less like you’re trying to stop the clown from killing Ringo, and more like you’re hurrying him along. ‘Enough to kill him?’ ‘So now you want to kill him?’ ‘This is where we get to the you-killing-him-part, right?’ It’s morbid, and you deserve that cute little gun in your face.” –teddytoad

“In panel two the question-mark thought balloon sinks downward from Adrian’s head, in opposite direction to the normal comics convention, in order to show that this wordless punctuation symbol is an especially ‘heavy’ thought, probably the most deeply contemplated mental response that has ever been formulated by Adrian’s brain. Her total bewilderment and inability to come up with any verbal reply at all is understandable, since the subject ‘something’ and the predicate ‘happened’ have never heretofore been strung together in a sentence within Mary Worth.” –seismic-2

“I only read Family Circus for the captions.” –Red Greenback

“I imagine whatever foul mind spawned Marvin intended for us to view the over-pierced collar-wearing goth girl as something freakish and reprehensible, but it thwarted itself in the third panel by showing she is an astute judge of character and intends to end the threat of Marvin at least temporarily. Each of those piercings must be a medal of courage or something.” –Dr. Novakaine

“I defy you to name anything more super-powery than being able to wield a shillelagh, look like David Niven with a ’70s haircut, and use stevedore lingo all at the same time.” –DaveyK

“‘You, sir, have been trounced by Doctor Orpheus and his QUIZNO’S PARTY SUB!!!’ [overly dramatic music]” –Vince M

“Wait, did Elwood just pull a Scott (from Mary Worth)? ‘Hold on to this ring. When you feel ready, you can wear it!’ Does that mean that Elwood will be gunned down by heroin dealers? PLEASE?” –JP (not Judge Parker)

“Let’s take a moment, though, to remember the dear, departed Detective Colleague. He was a blond man … um … and he wore a uniform … and, well, he’ll be missed. Yeah.” –buckyswife

“A plugger’s bicycle seat longs for the sweet release of death.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Dr. Good’s working on him! Where by ‘working on him’ I mean ‘harvesting any reusable organs.'” –Hogan

“The hipster lifestyle — slow bicycles, cheap beer, closets full of bowling shirts, raggedy flannel, and John Deere caps — basically is the plugger lifestyle. The only difference is that pluggers don’t know they’re supposed to be living it ironically. Because they’re bears.” –BigTed

“I will note that Adrian’s response to horrible news is to frantically lick her fingers. Maybe she forgot to wash her hands after lunch and she’s licking the rib sauce off. ‘Mmmmm, damn shame about Scott, but you can really taste the mesquite!'” –Digger

“I’ve only been skimming MW and reading the commentary, and I thought SantaRoyMart was something some wiseass commenter made up. Boy, is my face salmon-square-colored!” –indrifan

“Rusty, the only thing that’s happened to you is you caught a fish, heard a gunshot, got left alone in the woods for two hours, and met a guy named Bob. What your classmates won’t be able to believe is that you find this to be relatable entertainment.” –MolyBendum

“I love the random grace notes of hillbilly squalor: the crudely sewn patches on the curtains that Loweezy uses like Sally Rand used her ostrich fan. Also, the huge fucking nail in the porch post. Why? Does Snuffy need something to hang Revenooers’ hides from while they cure?” –sugarpie

“I wonder why I find Bobbie so intriguing. I can’t figure out why her parents gave her a boy’s name — like Tommie, except not boring. I can’t imagine why I find Bobbie’s company preferable to an apartment empty save for my bloated interior monologue. I don’t know why my loins are aching at the thought of copulating with a living female of my species. Maybe I should go see a shrink before my hair changes color again.” –hogenmogen

“I remember when bonsai was a treated with the proper reverence due to an ancient, living artform, and not just something you slap on top of your cheapass dollar store television set as if it might serve as some sort of small organic antenna.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Dr. P should be glad he’s an Apartment 3-G character and thus has the luxury of thought-ballooning. If he were in Mark Trail, he’d have to say all that stuff out loud, most likely with exclamation points. ‘Bobbie sounds UPSET and ANGRY!’ ‘I sound what now?’ ‘Uh, nothing. Go on with your phone call … Damn, what a sweet ass she has!’ ‘WHAT?!?’ ‘Nothing! Nothing!'” –Joe Blevins

Three cheers for everyone who put cash into my tip jar! And cheers also to my advertisers:

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Hey all, as noted, today (Friday) is the last day to get a What Would Margo Do bracelet with a donation! The arbitrary cutoff is noon U.S. eastern time. To tempt you last-minute holdouts, here are some more fun WWMD photos. First up is faithful reader AhClem, a-pickin’ and (presumably) a-grinnin’:

Faithful reader AMSTERDANG has some pretty specific ideas about what Margo would do:

Faithful reader Joe Btfsplk says that “this image is something along the lines of the first thing that came to mind when I considered the WWMD question. I would have modeled my own arm, but didn’t know where to look for the other necessary prop. So, here is an unholy amalgam spawned of bits of Uncle Lumpy’s Margo Moments, another old 3G strip, an Aztec Codex, and probably too much time on my hands.”

And finally, one faithful reader shows that even Jane Austen (or at least her action figure) wants to know what Margo would do?

If you donated last week, your bracelet ought to have already arrived, or will do so in the next few days; donators this week, yours are coming! If you suspect yours has gone missing in the mail, please contact me at jfruh@jfruh.com.

Oh! And! In totally unrelated news, I got nominated for a “Mobbie,” the Baltimore Sun’s blog awards. It’s open to reader voting, so you know what to do! (Warning: You will need to sign up for a Baltimore Sun account to vote.)