“Dolly makes a crack about her brothers whilst the pitch black void looms ever closer. She mentions her brothers because there is no one else but the family, there is nothing outside the Kompound. They may pray to the Lord, but He abandoned them to oblivion long ago.” –Rosstifer

“Well, at least Dagwood is supplying helmets without face guards that would slow down his and his guests’ eating.” –nescio

“Aeschylus was killed when an eagle dropped a tortoise on his head. Dirk(‘s hope of getting laid) was killed when Dawn dropped a bowling ball on his foot. This is accidentally the most high-brow reference Mary Worth has ever made.” –Schroduck

“Jess dutifully records a zero for Dawn’s bowl.” –Hibbleton

“The throwaway panels reveal that Dagwood Bumstead descends the stairs at an angle that can only be called alarming. He might genuinely need that helmet.” –Joe Blevins

“Tell Himself thanks, but we’re Chicago cops. We weren’t paying anyway.” –Rube

“And God spoke to Dolly, saying, ‘What hast thou done with Billy, and with Jeffy, and with P.J.?’ And Dolly answered unto Him, ‘Am I my brothers’ keeper? Isn’t that why they’re supposed to make those dashed lines to mark their path?’” –But What Do I Know?

“I love how that punchline is delivered as flat and emotionless as possible. He’s attained a higher level of assholeness, not restrained by emotion or desire.” –pugfuggly

“Crankshaft’s dead-eyed expression is a reminder that his puns (using the term in the loosest possible sense) are not deliberate attempts at wit but the result of his precipitous cognitive decline. This man is regularly responsible for children’s safety!” –TheDiva

“Unless Dirk breaks his stride, he’s going to step right into the GMC Generica that’s parked exactly one foot from the bowling alley entrance. Then his foot is going to hurt even more.” –Bob Tice

“Pluggers use pet names because they are literally pets — the descendants of animals who replaced the humans before them. While they took ‘names,’ what they really react to is tones of voices, and an encyclopedic memory of what sounds mean food, baths, or walkies.” –Philip

“I think Dennis should be more upset that Alice prepared precisely one meatball for three people, and isn’t sharing. And no sauce. Frankly, she deserves the Menacing this time.” –Dmsilev

“Leroy ordered the burgers unwrapped in the mistaken belief that they’d be cheaper.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“When Jughead experiences pain, his friends go through a range of emotions. Betty is obviously delighted, while Archie is also delighted but with a little dash of anger that his warning was ignored. Jughead’s friends hate him, I guess is where I’m going with this.” –Dan

“Gertie is watching a boxy car with a spoiler and window netting going down a hill, without a single advertisement to be seen anywhere. I don’t know she’s watching, but it is decidedly not NASCAR.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Aw, it’s a celebration of love among the grey-ashy-pallor-due-to-congestive-heart-failure set. Turn up your supplemental oxygen to three liters a minute and check for mottling, kids, it’s going to be a hot one tonight!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I like this old-timey kind of basketball, with a bunch of skyscraper-tall players discussing strategy while barely moving around a court. Of course you’re open, dude — it’s not as if anybody here is trying to guard anyone.” –BigTed

“Another deep lore dump from Mary Worth. The moon, a pure white pearl in the heavens, lacking the scars and basins that we know so well. Where is Tycho crater? What of the great Mares, the Sea of Serenity, the Sea of Crises, or the Sea of Tranquility, which in our world bears Neil Armstrong’s ‘one small step?’ There is only one answer; the Worthverse did not endure the Late Heavy Bombardment of the Neohadean and Eoarchean eras. Neither Earth nor Moon was pummeled by the orbital residue of failed planets. Which means the cratons of the early Earth were not disrupted back into a molten state, plate tectonics never occurred, there was no split of the early supercontinent Rodina, the lack of solar system remnants prevented the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event, the dinosaurs survived and evolved into humanoids that replicated our own mammalian culture to a surprising — but not exacting — extent. So, now you can all think of Dawn’s cloaca, or Wilbur’s need for massive caloric intake, or Mary’s cold blood.” –Voshkod

“I’d be pondering this cosmos too, given its nearby gas giant with a full set of rings and enormous stars capable of overwhelming the light of a full moon. Or is that a distant sun? You may be murdered by the Space Viking yet, King, but don’t sleep on the methane rain and background radiation. Hope your planet has its own magnetic field!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Who knows how many blunderbuss pistols could be carried in those fancy pants? The Phantom knows…” –Dennis Jimenez

“Small act of mercy for the singles bar to have a band playing so no one can hear anyone else. If you haven’t scored by 10PM it’s probably best to accept that it’s not your night and you might as well just move on with your life.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Call it a deli because they’re serving cold cuts.” –nescio

“Why would Dagwood say ‘not exactly’ rather than ‘no’? Is he eating the candles? Was he eating them? In the latter case, did he stop because gumbo-scented wax doesn’t have the taste and texture of true gumbo, or because of mouth and throat burns?” –Lauralot

“Daisy, loyal as ever, is keeping a watch on Dagwood in the all-too-likely chance that he ODs on soup fumes and starts drowning in the bathtub.” –pugfuggly

“I thought that snowmen might not feel pain, so it is no great harm to remove a piece of their body, but if they don’t feel pain they should also not feel pleasure, and then what’s the point of ice cream?” –Ettorre

“Looks like Camp Swampy got a new … [squints at badly drawn rank insignia] captain! Farewell, previous captain … [checks Wikipedia] Sam Scabbard! Sorry you got court martialed or fragged or whatever!” –Schroduck

“That’s not a pickup line. Dustin leads with ‘I got my haircut today’ because he gets 10% off his next haircut for every new client he sends the shop’s way.” –Hibbleton

“Perhaps the butcher in the background finds Dennis’ bon mot amusing. Or maybe he’s just thinking of cutting the child into pieces and selling him by the pound. Either could explain the smile.” –Joe Blevins

“The contrast between Hagar’s resigned recognition of how terrible the joke in his strip is to Dennis and co.’s desperate denial of how much theirs sucks is palpable.” –ectojazzmage

“I’m not signed up with a dating service! I find my casual hookups on Tinder like a normal person! What are you, eighty?” –matt w

“While he wouldn’t kill anyone himself, I’m getting the feeling Dagwood wouldn’t be averse to trying cannibalism just once. He would definitely be the first to bring it up after surviving a shipwreck, plane crash, or fender bender.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“With a quick twist of her neck, she flashed her ponytail across the room with the crack of a whip. A deep bloody welt appeared on the rude man’s cheek. As he ran out, she turned with a smile toward her companion. ‘You wanna see what else it can do?’ she purred.” –Voshkod

“I reset Sarge’s alarm and painted his window black. Oh, and yeah, I murdered the bugler. Kinda buried the lede there, didn’t I?” –seismic-2

“Ah … look, mate, I appreciate the theatrics and all, but I’m just an unlucky sod who got pressed into service on a British warship and mutinied to be free … maybe you could bury me and send word back to my family of my demise? No…? Oh … I’m going to be a decoration in your cave? Well, that’s lovely. No, Nigel couldn’t possibly have the freedom in death that he never had in life. Got to be physically tied to a dreary cave with a drama queen forever. That’s rich. Stupid bloody afterlife…” –Old Man Shadow

“Hi is in sales? He is the dourest sales guy ever. He’s the opposite of Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross. A B C: Always Be Crying.” –Lawyerbob

” I’d say that Dawn is attracted to men like her father, but I simply can’t imagine Wilbur having the gall to tell someone else to wipe their mouth, or even knowing it was something people did.” –But What Do I Know?

“‘Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z’: Wilson closes his eyes and daydreams of the buzzsaw cutting through Dennis’ torso.” –Hibbleton

“God damn it Slylock, don’t google the answer in front of everyone.” –Dan Carroll

“Wait, Pardon My Planet has been set in North Carolina this whole time? Did I miss the strip where our cast of depressed post-hippie Gen X hipsters go to a Panthers game or obsess about the Wright Brothers or [third North Carolina stereotype not found].” –Schroduck

“I think the real question here is why, if Burford Bear found the chest of coins in Death Valley yesterday, he’s showing them off in a completely different area today. Death Valley is famously hot and dry, and, like much of California, experienced very little rainfall over the past year. Yet the pictured location is nothing but greenery as far as the eye can see! Combine that with the fact that a large trunk full of gold coins would weigh hundreds of pounds — heck, even the chest itself seems to be made of pure gold! Did Burford really transport it here overnight, then drag it out to the side of a secluded road, away from any onlookers or cars? Why does the supposedly professional news cameraman have no idea how to position his camera for a good shot? Honestly, I think this is all an elaborate scheme in which someone is about to get whacked. Does Max have heavy gambling debts? I bet Max has heavy gambling debts.” –BigTed

“Josh, Josh, Josh. As the world’s foremost Dark Hi and Lois connoisseur, I … God this is literally true. I should rethink my life. Anyway, look how unhappy they are! This rocks!” –matt w

“Dagwood looks so stunned at Dithers stealing the whole case of pastries. Is it like a ‘Eating way too much is my thing’ identity crisis or did he somehow never imagine the possibility of one man trying to shove down [squints at art, making optimistic estimation] eight? eclairs while they’re still hot?” –Amelie Wikström

“I’m trying to gauge how big Hi’s responsibilities are. Is he tasked with sales in the eastern part of the town? The eastern part of the state? The East Coast? Or the East, meaning all the realms outside Christianity that the Pope assigned to Portugal in the Treaty of Tordesillas? Because these things are very different!” –Ettorre

“Blondie is trying to get in on this whole Inception fad with a visualization of a visualization. I hope in a few years as that other woman is telling a co-worker about a past job, we get her visualization of this scene with both other visualizations intact.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Josh, just wanted to say thank you for bringing Alice into our lives. As a long time reader, sometimes I think I’ve seen it all in the funny pages, but Alice proves to me that actually I know nothing and I’m an idiot. For years we’ve seen instances of comics that don’t really add up or make sense, but now I’m realizing, maybe they never had to! It’s kind of like hearing grunge for the first time.” –Maggie

“Well, we can’t agree on much as Americans these days, but I think we can all agree that Dagwood totally fucked their wedding cake.” –Old Man Shadow

“My favorite detail of this is that the witch on TV looks so depressed. She’s been a witch so long that she’s just over it, and she’s discovered that the only real magic in this world is day drinking.” –Joe Blevins

“The witch is pouring the poison into a traditional cauldron filled with some sort of ominous brew, but the beleaguered wife is using it to season a salad. I appreciate a cook who is able to adapt to whatever they have on hand.” –TheDiva

“I was a teacher for many years. I can attest that the only thing that would cause me to remember a parent from a conference is if they were remarkably unpleasant. So, yes, this tracks. Good job with the realism!” –McCapwell

“There is no in-universe storytelling reason this guy needs to be in his underwear, ergo we must assume the artist just wanted to draw a lot of body hair that day.” –Rex Thrillho, on BlueSky

“Hopefully the rich, green tones in Jeffy’s bedroom are achieved with arsenic.” –nescio

“Having a kid hampers adults ability to do things like visit friends or engage in hobbies requiring attention like reading. Jenny throwing out the books, totems of a time when Jeff had free time for good narratives or exploring interesting topics, is his personal burning of the Library of Alexandria. Now even his past pleasures have been taken over by that wretched child.” –Philip

“OK, I’ve never thought about this before, but do each of the four Keane Kids have their own separate bedrooms? If so, does the priority list for storytime vary throughout the day based on who has displeased their parents the least? That would explain why Jeffy is nodding off; he’s been riding the bottom tier for weeks now, and it’s after 11:30 before Ma or Pa make an appearance. Dolly keeps requesting middle chapters of Moby-Dick just to twist the knife.” –Navigator