“Of all the people in the world, I would most expect Mary to caution us all about swimming within an hour after eating.” –lynn

“I like how in Hell Elementary they only have little fires scattered about, and no brimstone to be seen. Just goes to show that even in Satan’s realm, public school funding is still sorely inadequate.” –pugfuggly

“I’m not very well versed in Crock lore, but isn’t it established that Crock dumped his mother in a nursing home, from which she still manages to create all sorts of mischief for himself and others? I’m just saying, ‘health care reform’ sounds a lot like a euphemism for ‘the nurses are stealing her medication and selling it on the black market to make ends meet.’” –TheDiva

“My main takeaway from today’s Crock is that we’re hearing about ‘his’ health care reform, which suggests that this strip takes place in a universe where either the 1958 or 1961 Algiers coups succeeded, and the French military now controls Metropolitan France and has redoubled its efforts to suppress the FLN. This presumably explains why the strip is still running today.” –Nathan Goldwag

“I grew up in a relatively free range time and I can’t recall ever leaving the house when I was a kid and not being expected to at least give a cursory explanation of where I was going. Of course the Mitchells are probably hoping that Dennis will join a thieves’ ring and disappear for years.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Gil putting cream in his coffee immediately after suffering a heart attack is his way of saying ‘I’d rather die than go back.’” –Schroduck

“Sometimes Mary waits for praise, sometimes Mary passive-aggressively trolls for praise, and sometimes Mary just damns the torpedos and flat-out praises herself.” –astroboy

“‘That was quite a wedding…’? What are you talking about, Jeff? It was about the dullest three hours of anybody’s life.” –Cleveland Mocks

“Say what you will about the shortcomings of the Biden administration, managing to get Marvin and his family deported to the United Kingdom will be one of the most celebrated acts and a centerpiece for the eventual Biden library.” –Philip

“I just wanna know what the hell kind of shoes Daddy Daze Daddy is wearing. They look like roombas strapped to his feet. Maybe moon shoes? They look like they have baleens, so maybe each one is the skull of some form of sea life? Is he on the run for poaching whales to make his shoes?” –Craig!

“Mary and Jeff be stylin’ in the SS Medicare Fraud.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Every time Mary rejects him, Jeff gets a bigger boat. I look forward to his adventures of trying to fit USS Gerald Ford into Santa Royale marina in 2035.” –Voshkod

“Martha, I’m not sure you should be quite so amused. Your husband is genuinely unhappy and also maybe dying?” –matt w

“One bit of trivia that haunts me is Saturn’s rings will be gone in about 100 million years. Unimaginably much time compared to the existence of human civilization so far, yet it’s not that much time in astronomical or geological terms, I mean, I’m sure Snuffy Smith will still be around with barely any adjustment needed to reflect the slightly more gentle hills of the Appalachians. And Gasoline Alley, the strip about ancient and dying people has something to say about this? Surely it’ll be something poignant, directed at the small children I imagine represent the future of the readership beyond the strip, powered by the license granted to those about to die to speak freely and fearlessly, about how strange that we happen to live in the same period as this ephemeral wonder in our sky…? Oh, no, it’s just about a random space thing due next year. This comic is such a wild card.” –Amelie Wikström

“Y’all seeing those abstract mudflap girls and dolla signs in the last panel? Depraved.” –ancient mariner and ishmael walk into a bar

“I love that Glen comes from a background that includes his uncle murdering his father, and a jealous resentful brother and yet he has a look on his face that (accurately!) screams, God, DAMN, this family is dysfunctional.’ –2+2=7

“You see, Mud, if the events leading to event A hadn’t happened, event A would not have happened! It’s so fun to learn about causality and linear time!” –Ettorre

“I used to have my own band, you know. I used to travel across the country playing the big venues. I was an icon. I was a star. But my fragile human body kept failing on me! I kept getting sick and hurt! I lost everything and everyone! Now I’ve been stuck in this crappy town for years, coughing my lungs out and screaming in pain in a dumpy motel room, playing the same dive bar every weekend, I’m engaged to some pig-faced truck stop owner, my only friend is some wannabe comedian middle-schooler, and now to pay my mounting medical expenses I have to make a duet album with you. This is hell. This is a nightmare from which I cannot wake up. I would kill myself with an overdose, but I can’t afford the pills!” –jroggs

“When she says ‘let’s go swimming,’ Mary means Dr. Jeff is going to get some action tonight. And by ‘action,’ she means she’s going to go swimming while Dr. Jeff sits on a deck chair pleasuring himself while watching her flail about in the water at night in her modest bathing suit.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The ‘House of Being’ must be one of those avant-garde restaurants where the menu consists largely of selections of post-structuralist melanges and tedious overcooked prie-fixes. One imagines that Hagar — will be hungry!” –But What Do I know

“I appreciate that Dustin’s sister looks checked out in the last panel. Right after thanking him, she opted to immediately tune out whatever shitty thing he had to say next so she could live in a reality where he just does nice things for people.” –jenna

“The relative superiority the Smifs are claiming is actually unrelated to their choice of candidate; the Smifs are just more adept at operating the Voting Churn.” –Violet

“‘What inspired this walk through the park, Truck?’ ‘You’re prettier than the fall colors. And also, I’m incredibly cheap. Now, sit down on this bench and we can share a couple of Tic Tacs I found in my pocket.’” –BigTed

“Gather ’round the fatscreen TV, everybody.” –nescio

“It’s OK, Beetle! Those guys have numbers in the 80s! They’re just oversized tight ends playing out of position!” –matt w

“Sure, cats climb everywhere, but we are meant to believe that that lumpy boxer somehow made it onto the table by himself? They put him there. No, Dr. Ed, the vet, put him there! While Estelle and Ed get all romantic about how they compromised at their no frills wedding, the lumpy boxer is going to fall off that table and get hurt. ‘Sorry, honey, I have to leave. It’s an emergency! I’ll be taking him to the office. Don’t wait up!’” –Joe Momma

“I think that caption is the closest thing to an artist finishing a strip with ‘Wait … why’d I draw this?’ I’ve ever seen.” –Victor Von

“The first time the cats and dog went ‘meow woof meow,’ everyone laughed. The fifth time elicited a chuckle. The tenth repetition was met with silence, the twenty-fifth with fear, and at the fiftieth ‘meow woof meow’ the party-goers fled in open terror, leaving Estelle and Ed alone with their pets. Their masters. Their gods.” –Voshkod

“It’s funny, because you would think that a young Zoomer [googles quickly] ‘generation alpha’ teen would be more worried about global warming than a new ice age? Maybe she’s actually quite optimistic about our society’s ability to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, or maybe ice ages are the subject of the hot new Y.A. novels [googles again] ‘Tiktok dances’? No wait … that can’t be right …” –pugfuggly

“I refuse to believe anyone in Hootin’ Holler votes any differently from anyone else. They all open the ballot paper, and then remember that they’re illiterate.” –Schroduck

“Almost [gulp] forty years ago, a philosophy instructor told the class about riding the elevator with one of his professors on a wet, windy, stormy day. ‘A good day to read Schopenhauer, don’t you think?’ the professor asked, about the other famed German crank/philosopher, known for his commitment to humanity’s racial suicide. Any day in Dustin is a good day to read Schopenhauer, is what I’m saying, Meg can drag out On The Freedom of the Will, or they can all die in a fire, it’s all good.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Perhaps Dolly is unfamiliar with this process, having had her hair in a ponytail that has never been unbound for as long as she can remember. Every strand glued so tightly into place her her eyebrows keep trying to make a run for it. Not even able to sleep on her back. Thel has never regretted choosing that good old fashioned Johnson’s Baby Shamglue.” –made of wince

“The Vikings still live in a world steeped in non-monotheistic paganism, so it’s not outside the norm for them to stumble upon the uncanny, the fantastic, and the unexpected. Rushing a well fortified castle is routine, and the curses of the priests and their chivalric knights about the future of their souls is nothing but hot air. But oddities like this are to be approached with caution, respect, and foreboding.” –Philip

“Apart from this being a dated throwback to the time when the wife was expected to have no income of her own and therefore was entirely dependent on her husband for everything, even personal luxuries, aren’t the Wilsons retired? Technically Social Security paid for that hat.” –TheDiva

“Hagar is oddly curious about an avant-garde production of Plato’s allegory of the cave put on by medieval furries. Not exactly his cup of tea, Lucky Eddie much prefers the French enlightenment and their belief in the power of reason.” –Hibbleton

“There’s character growth and then there’s being expected to believe that someone else is lazing about in bed while Beetle is up and about, and that’s a step too far.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I’m enjoying how, in the midst of nekkid Lion People reveling in the firelight like Maenads, Flash is leading Dale in a sedate foxtrot like they’re at the Yale Prom.” –Ukulele Ike

“Zero will have plenty to gloat about when Rocky finds himself in an unexpected gang food fight and needs such food sources as raw milk fresh from the cow to gain the tactical advantage.” –InvasionOfTheZIM

“Henry’s smile fades as he realizes Dennis just lumped him in with a bunch of equally milquetoast middle aged fathers who ache for the confirmation of an impersonal coffee mug bought at a flea market for a quarter. Existentially menacing.” –Edison Carter

“I do appreciate that even though it’s right in their field of vision, Estelle still takes the time to inform everyone that this is ‘the lunch spread.’ After all, people who are unfamiliar with Mary’s cooking need to be reassured that no, this is not Libby’s litter box on the table.” –2+2=7

“Actually, a Norseman would not refer to himself as a Viking, which is an insult, like calling someone a pirate. Unless Hamlet is like a rapper reappropriating the N-word, which is more interesting than whatever Hagar the Horrible is doing.” –Ettorre

“You may say I’m the best dad/ But I’m not the only one/ I hope some day you’ll join us/ And you’ll learn it’s not that fun” –Rosco

“The robot looks like he’s been waiting a long time to squeeze this question in. How long as he been sitting there listening to the girls spout malapropisms? Days? Weeks? Being a machine, he doesn’t need to eat or sleep, and being eldritch horrors, neither do they.” –Peanut Gallery

“I like how Tater’s costume seems to to be an actual hollowed-out potato? Makes sense: they can still eat it afterwards (if he doesn’t soil it) and there’s no sense wasting good burlap.” –pugfuggly

“I guess Granny Creeps wasn’t protein deprived as a child. Looks like witchin’ pays better than chicken stealin’ in Hootin’ Holler.” –But What Do I Know?

“If they had been driving through a different part of town at that moment Joey might’ve said ‘I want to be a lake!’ or ‘I want to be a Batteries Plus store!’ or ‘I want to be an expressway!’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Marvin sure is a lucky kid. Robots don’t usually give you this clear an warning that they’re about to peel your skin off and remove your internal organs to run diagnostics on your power supply and other internal hardware.” –jroggs

“I appreciate the detail of Max watching in terror the body horror wreak havoc around him but not letting that stop him from getting some candy. You go, little mouse, and enjoy your tasty treats.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Jeffy is wearing his father’s old coat with the sleeves comically rolled up, whereas Billy has a perfectly tailored Superman costume. So where on this spectrum does PJ fall? I’m guessing dog costume, as in a costume meant for the dog, who refuses to wear it.” –Rex_Thrillho, on Twitter

“They ain’t laughin’ at ya on accounta yer costume, Jughaid! — they’re laughin’ at ya on accounta yer backwoods colloquialisms ‘n’ elisions!’” –Bob Tice

“He asks that as though he already knows how people guts feel. I’d keep an eye on this kid.” –Pozzo

“I love the constant reminders that Pierre is literally the best-behaved dog in history, content to pass his days gazing quietly upon his owners in quiet admiration. This was the level of responsibility that was too much for Wilbur. We all like making fun of Dawn, but honestly the fact that she’s even alive is a pretty heroic achievement.” –Dan

“Nah, Rex is more likely to go into pedantic teacher mode with them. ‘Well, Blonde-Haired Adoptive Son, that’s an interesting question. You see there are many different forms of human viscera, and each have their distinct textural properties. The intestines, for example, have a wet, slippery feel that might be comparative to the interior contents of a pumpkin, but the liver…’” –TheDiva

“I bet you that their ‘compromise’ is to simply have the wedding right there at the vet clinic, so that Ed can immediately get right to work operating on bulldogs instead of celebrating his honeymoon (‘At least someone will have a sharp tool inside them tonight,’ Estelle will sigh with resignation).” –2+2=7

“Count Thorpula has a personality. That’s how you can tell it’s a costume.” –MKay

“I prefer to think that the creators Rex Morgan cleverly dodged a lawsuit from Star Wars, Disney, Marvel, DC, Nintendo, et al. There’s no way those kids aren’t dressed as Spider Man and Wario under those coats.” –Old School Allie Cat

“I like the kid who just bought a huge, grotesque monster mask and didn’t care enough to add any other costume — he’s just wearing it with his everyday clothes. Especially since it came with huge, leering eyes, which means he can’t actually see anything as he traverses his neighborhood streets at night. In fact, Gertie thinks he’s so cool that she’s giving him extra candy from her dog-food bowl of loose M&Ms!” –BigTed

“The French Foreign Legion has a history of taking in criminals, runaways, orphans, and other pliable castoffs of society to fill the ranks and help enforce a brutal colonial regime on the indigenous population. But behind the man who wields the gun are several more doing the support work to keep the legion running and supplied, and skills like that require normal civilians. Cooks like this one cannot be blind to the mission of violence they support, so the Legion has ways of breaking them, by having them befriend sentient chickens, before having to kill them to feed the troops in the field.” –Philip

“I like to think there’s some puppy play going on in today’s Mary Worth as well. Mary is clearly the one responsible for Wilbur receiving invites to his exes’ weddings and she has to be the one making him go. I can only figure she’s doing the fabled dog-owner thing of rubbing a dog’s nose in its mess to teach it a lesson and stop it from repeating the bad behavior. How many more failed relationships will Mary have to rub Wilbur’s nose into before he finally stops tracking them into her apartment? It might look impossible to do from the outside but Mary has successfully trained Wilber to salivate after she rings a bell so she’s really hopeful this current training will stick soon.” –Lionheart

“Sorry, Beetle, regardless of what you saw on MASH or read in Catch-22, the military really doesn’t do Section 8 separation anymore. Instead, you’re looking at months with Dr. Bonkus and then an other-than-honorable discharge, which is just not going to look good to your future civilian employee. Buck up! You’ve been in the Army over 50 years; your pension is going to be great!” –Voshkod

“After this pleasant thought, Mary immediately begins scheming to get Wilbur and Shiela together. What’s the ship name? Shilbur? Wiela?” –Navigator