Post Content

Comments of the week coming in the not-so-distant future, as ever I have some items of interest. First, it’s been far too long since we had some merch pics! Faithful reader Mooncattie has been baffling the Europeans with his fine Comics Curmudgeon gear! Here he is showing off his Gail Martin shirt in the Swiss Alps:

And here he is sporting his Cassandra Cat shirt in Prague:

Also! Faithful reader Elle wrote me with this tidbit:

I “inherited” (read: liberated) a bunch of old sci-fi books from one of
my cousins, and one of them contains a line that may haunt me forever.
In “The Complete Story Of One Of Star Trek’s Most Popular Episodes
‘The Trouble With Tribbles'” (I think the book itself may just be
named “The Trouble With Tribbles”, but it is hard to tell), David
Gerrold talks about Gene Roddenberry’s vision of the series:

“Gene Roddenberry envisioned Star Trek as ‘Hornblower in Space’, the
adventures of a kind of interstellar Mary Worth, traveling from planet
to planet, solving problems and exploring the universe…”

Personally, I feel the 1960s Trek uniforms would blend right in at Charterstone.

And! This note comes from faithful reader Happythoughtindeed:

I was shopping with my husband at Taft Furniture in Colonie, NY and was stunned to see an entire partitioned-off section devoted to and entitled Apt. 3-G. It is a section devoted solely to hip apartment furniture. Large signage inside boasted black and white photos of three young, hip chicks, two light hair and one dark haired, laughing and walking arm-in-arm with shopping bags over their shoulders. Apparently, this huge furniture outlet has designed an entire section and inventory after the Apt 3-G comic strip.

Here is a link! Apparently, Apt 3-G is far hipper than any of us realized. Who knew? I’m quite chagrinned.

And! if you live within spittin’ distance of Minnesota’s Twin Cities, you’ll probably want to check out this gallery show of comic art. (Thanks to faithful reader Carl for the tip.)

And finally, I’m presenting, for what I think is the first time, something I got from a syndicate publicist. But I love Lio and I love lookalike contests, so: Lio lookalike contest, everybody!

And now, at long last, the COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Is it me or do all the pictures of raccoons having fun not quite match up with the text there? It’s almost like Elrod went on another ‘How cool are raccoons? Wouldn’t you like a pet that washed its hands in the river?’ trip, and the syndicate just edited over it. ‘Okay, here where he wrote ‘Raccoons love grapes, much like I love wine,’ just put something about how many people get bitten by raccoons every year. Dammit, Elrod.'” –Windier E. Megatons

And the runners-up! Also funny!

“In today’s last panel, Coach Thorp is veering dangerously close to honest introspection that might not end with, ‘God, I’m awesome.’ But I trust Gil to bring it around, even if it kills him. And by ‘him,’ I mean Marty, of course.” –Sock Puppet

“The most terrifying thing on the comics page today is that ellipsis in panel two; it threatens us with the prospect of Delilah’s note continuing tomorrow.” –buckyswife

“I’m more interested in the legal system today’s Shoe seems to imply. Apparently, lobsters are entitled to some sort of trial, and only the lobsters who have committed truly vicious crimes are sentenced to be eaten. This also raises the question as to what happens to birds who commit violent offenses. Are they fed to the lobsters in the parallel, but segregated and never shown, talking-lobster civilization?” –Justin

“I think we should all take a moment to congratulate Bernice on her very first sexual thought. Judging by panel three of today’s Luann, the concept of sexuality finally hit her out of nowhere, like a freight train of pure Australian beef. Meanwhile, Luann’s look of dull surprise (dull sexuality?) never once wavers in the face of Bernice’s obvious arousal. Good gravy, how I love this comic.” –Dan

“Mary may have a look of smug satisfaction, but what did she do? Fire a few platitude bombs that bounced harmlessly off Delilah’s horny hide? When you get right down to it, Delilah meddled herself.” –gnome de blog

“One can only hope that in her rush to leave the stultifying cloisters of Charterstone Delilah left her entire wardrobe behind.” –Fashion Police

“Boy, whenever I say ‘He’s a hurt and hostile kid’ I want to take MY shirt off.” –Isaac

“I don’t find Mimi’s buttocks in the second frame particularly spectacular. But Gil probably does, judging by his ‘hit bottom’ comment. Next he’d say: ‘All that kid needs is a good kick in the ass. I mean, I really wish I could pound a tale of hope into his head. A pirate plunders booty … fucking hell, can we please just get our Tuesday night coupling out of the way while our children are still passed out from malnutrition in the basement?’ (Gil can’t get it up so well when they make the scratching noises.)” –lunarhalo

“If the armory is a rockin’, does that mean the reservists on duty shouldn’t come knockin’?” –un malpaso

“Oh for crying out loud. THEY ARE BIRDS. Horrible, filthy birds. We are lucky Shoe and his pal, the fishhawk, aren’t depicted pecking the eyes and claws off the struggling crustaceans whilst shrieking deafeningly like the rapacious beady-eyed monsters they are. KEEE! KEEEE!” –Jumper

“Let’s not forget how nicely dressed Mary is as she reads the aftermath of her meddling. Pearls always accessorize so nicely with stepping in between two incredibly stupid people.” –Daveh

“Today’s Mary Worth is the most disorienting thing I’ve seen in the comics in years. I swear I thought Charley was listening to Rodgers & Hammerstein and watching old home movies of his parents, who just happen to be Marcus Welby, MD, and Mary. It’s all so clear — Charley is their love child that they abandoned years ago. Charley searched the country to find his true mother, and moved to Charterstone just to be near her. But Mary couldn’t accept him. Indeed, she is enraged by his very presence, sending Charley spiraling downward in a vicious cycle of porn, show tunes, and hitting on borderline psychotic women in patterned tights.” –Lawyerbob

“See, what elevates Mary Worth above the average Chick tract is that Jack Chick’s villains only ended up in Hell, not quietly weeping to 50’s musicals. Somehow, this is more harrowing.” –Chromium

“Can you imagine it being your job to read through old Gil Thorp strips for dangling plotlines to follow up upon? Go back a couple of posts and look at those Gil Thorp collections again. ‘What are you doing today, Neil?’ ‘Well, I’m going to pore over Rockin’ the Armory to find some open threads I can resolve in the strip. When I’m done with that, I’m going to have a root canal on a perfectly healthy tooth, just for the practice.'” –Cranky

[in response to above]: “Well, heck, if Neil ever steps down, I’ll volunteer. I’ll deliver even more wacky Kaz plotlines, that’s for sure. I don’t really understand football, but I doubt that would make a noticeable difference to the strip.” –AirForbes

“Speaking of Broadway, do you remember when Javier Bardem glued Ritz Crackers to his neck and played the title role in Peter Pan? If not, A3G will remind you.” –Joe Blevins

“The supervillain Oliver, grown up from the Brady Bunch and wreaking havoc on those critics who wronged him, accosts the mutant-hero, Bluebeard, asking him a technical question. Unfortunately, as all supervillains do, Oliver has mistaken the product for the inventor; one might as well ask a box of Twinkies how to make the ‘Magic Kreme’ that lies at their center!” –un malpaso

“Also: Pluggers are illiterates whose history books consist solely of pictures.” –Judas Peckerwood

“Today’s Family Circus is the one that finally proves the strip has no class. Why not ‘Barfy’s never had so many trees from which to choose?’ Comics are terribly base these days.” –Asterion

“We’re missing the obvious. Marmaduke is a crime scene.” –Sequitur

“I think the writers of Mark Trail are confusing popularity with the willingness to skin a critter and wear its pelt as a hat.” –NoahSnark

“In this current economy, it’s good to know that the Powers family of South Dakota is doing all that it can to keep the kerchief industry strong. Well, kerchiefs and incestuous porn tapes.” –Dingo

“So if I interpret Cathy correctly, her words of comfort to her husband essentially amount to ‘You needn’t worry about your preternaturally ancient appearance and ludicrous hairstyle because your head is the least grotesque thing about you.’ Cold, but probably accurate. (I say probably because I mean, look at them; who knows?)” –Violet

Three cheers for everyone who put cash into my tip jar! And cheers also to my advertisers:

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Post Content

Your COTW coming soon, but first: ITEMS! First up we have this stunning cache of Gil Thorp books discovered by faithful reader knittaplease at her local used bookstore:

I am so delighted that one of these volumes is entitled simply Sheesh! that I feel churlish in expressing my wonder that at least three volumes could be filled with Gil Thorp material deemed to qualify as “best.”

Also! I got this charming note from faithful reader Allison!

I thought you might like this Family Circus stuff I found. It’s a book and tape set with the kids singing in English and in French about going to get groceries and flying in the sky with birds. I used to listen to this tape and play my Family Circus computer game all the time when I was a kid but it’s funny how they’re even more entertaining as an adult. The game gave you a tour of their house and explained how washing machines and electronics work, probably very useful for anyone trying to break into the compound.

The Keanes teaching you a foreign, non-English language? Quelle horreur! Allison sent several scans from the book; this one, from a birthday party, is my favorite, because, as she put it, “The parents’ looks of despair are the best.”

And, finally: would you like to buy Ziggy’s munch box? Of course you would! (Thanks to faithful reader Aging Hipster for the tip.)

And now, your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I didn’t notice Delilah’s all-purple outfit in the prior strip. I wonder if she thinks that’s what ‘matching’ means.” –Carly

And your runners-up! A ton of them this week, but Charley sure seemed to solicit some comedy gold.

“Maybe Delilah will blindly stumble into Charley’s bathroom and become ever more horrified when she’s told what the toilet is for and how it works: ‘What, in the HOUSE? EWW!'” –Ed Dravecky

“So Delilah is horrified at the sight of a nude woman, and horrified at the notion of not having children. She does know where babies come from, doesn’t she?” –Flummoxicated

“Secret twist revealed tomorrow: Del has no idea what he means.” –Dragon of Life

MT: “Mark: ‘He’s no good to them dead.’ Sue: ‘So why didn’t they kill you? Wouldn’t that have solved the whole problem?’ Mark: ‘I … uh …’ *punch!*” –Hogenmogen

“I’ve seen a lot of shocking art in my life, but unless the woman in the photo is shooting boiling oil out of her hoo-hoo, I doubt anyone would be actually scarred. Maybe if the frame had a really sharp edge and you bumped into it.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Herb & Jamaal is treading on dangerous waters, today. My first impression of the strip lead to a gay joke, just like every H&J. But then I noticed something: Laurel and Hardy is an awfully contemporary reference.” –zamros

“I’m pretty sure that Charlie has a REALDOLL tied up in Japanese rope bondage. I guess that would creep me out. Then again, in Luann there’s a troll forcing a teenage girl into cosplay.” –DeGroot of All Evil

“The picture on Charley’s wall is a blow-up of an A3G panel from last year, showing Lu Ann working in her art studio. Delilah recoils in horror after seeing Lu Ann’s abysmal flower paintings.” –AhClem

“This is Mary Worth. Everyone is insane in an incredibly square way.” –commodorejohn

“Knowing this strip we’ll have weeks of details of Wally captive in his cave — ‘There were times I pretended to have cancer, just to remind me of home.'” –Professor Fate

“I would prefer to believe instead that the Legionnaire turns away in disgust because he has realized that the sort of man who uses Pick-Up Lines to Get Women to get women is — or soon becomes — the sort of man who will talk about a woman, in her presence, as if she were a fish. He is stepping back from the brink of the abyss of loutishness into which the librarian has plunged.” –Q. Pheevr

“Nah, if Charley were slipping Delilah a roofie, we would have seen him very obviously sneak it out of wherever he kept it, plunk it into the drink, and mix it up, glancing back and forth as he did so at Delilah, who would be looking on obliviously. He would have followed up this particular villainy by rubbing his hands together and cackling with glee, and possibly spontaneously growing a Snidely Whiplash-esque mustache, so he could twirl it.” –Nomstrosity

“Once again, Ms. Buxley’s hopes are dashed. In this case, her hopes of being randomly proposed to by a skeezy guy she’s not dating. Really, though, isn’t that every girl’s dream?” –Evan

“Delilah plans to determine whether the unpleasant discolorations on the couch are semen or blood stains, by testing whether they can be removed with club soda. Depending on the answer, she will then decide whether to stay or leave. Adultery is hard work!” –DaveyK

“And as morals decay, Luann will eventually devolve into a series of plotless panels featuring nude underage girls lounging against one another. Of the men, nothing will remain but Brad’s tuft of hair and T.J.’s disembodied teeth.” –Cranky

“[Charley] shows great responsibility in not wanting to have children, thus assuring that the freakish combination of DNA that makes him look like the love child of Steve Buscemi and the Joker will remain out of the gene pool. Delilah, meanwhile, wants to inflict her strange, putty-like features on future generations. Who’s the real bad guy here?” –TheDiva

“When did Jack Chick start drawing the strip? ‘After we finish these drinks, why don’t we denounce Christ?'” –Dan Traut

“So let me get this straight … now that Mark Trail is in an actual toxic waste dump, there’s absolutely NO giant mutant squirrels to cut to in the 2nd panel?” –lunarhalo

“I’m seriously hoping that tomorrow, Mark Trail will feature a ‘Meanwhile…’ narration box and various scenes of Andy’s competence: Andy tracking the assassin (what do you call a guy who only shoots to wound?), confronting him, and chaining him to a log for the authorities to pick up later; Andy leading the EPA waste-disposal folks to the dump site; Andy directing the backhoe with his paws as it beeps beeps beeps into place to pick up the drums. All this will happen, of course, as Mark walks in the door of the hive-cabin and says to Cherry, ‘Where’s Andy?'” –buckyswife

“I like the range of emotions Del gets to express from one strip to the next, often without any kind of segue to guide the reader through her inner turmoil. First eagerly flirtatious, then horrified, and now cautiously optimistic. With any luck, the coming days will bring us rage, whimsy, despair, and finally avuncularity.” –Dan

“This strip affords us a wonderful opportunity to simply gaze at Mark Trail’s magnificent haircut and greasepaint eyebrows. He makes Superman look like some kind of damned dirty hippie in comparison.” –Joe Blevins

“Would Andy’s helping Mark Trail double the IQ of the team looking for the shooter, or is this one of those multiplication by zero problems?” –NoahSnark

“How does Charley drink? Is there a slot in his chin so that his maniacal smile is not disturbed?” –Dingo

“Curtis: I know it’s been said before, but can we skip to the part where he takes a sharpened brooch pin to his eyes?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Margo hears the ‘BRRROOOOM’ sound and immediately tunes out the rest of the boring himalaya-lama hooey, preoccupied with trying to remember whether she included ‘Sweep apartment’ on the yard-long list of orders, decrees, and miscellaneous directives she left on the fridge for Tommie.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“I suppose Marty is going to blame Gil for his missing eyes, too. Suck it up, kid!” –Elliegal

“MW: Wow. I knew the strip was in full-blown character assassination mode, but I wasn’t expected this level of horror. Forget tetanus, that leer is no longer human. It looks less like a leer and more like he’s trying to cut his head in two using only the muscles in his face.” –Brickers

“I love how Charley insists on punctuating even the most innocuous of conversations with a flagrant leer. ‘Why, Charley, what lovely guppies!’ ‘Oh, yeah? Well, if you dig those, baby, you oughta check out my (wink wink) neon tetras.'” –Violet

“MT: ‘See you later, honey! I’m going to track a sniper!’ God, I love this family.” –Chromium

“I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Camp Swampy is a pansexual B&D military fetish camp for the ultra-rich and NOT affiliated with the DoD. Miss Buxley will take your credit card information in the ‘General’s Office.'” –AeroSquid

“If readers of Cathy now know about Facebook, it’s all over. I say we beat a desperate retreat to MySpace, and hide in that HTML-littered wasteland of sexual predators, fake profiles from the Philippines, and preteen rexies who claim to be 18. If they find us there, it will be our Masada.” –teddytoad

“Of course, Margo doesn’t listen to a word anyone dressed in such odd clothes says, assuming it’s all gibberish anyway, but she does realize no-one’s said anything about her in the last five minutes, and that makes her sad. It will soon enough turn to anger.” –Donald the Anarchist

If you put some cash into my tip jar, I promise to invite you to my apartment and show you my “collectable” art! And thanks must go to my advertisers:

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Post Content

Pardon me for interrupting this magical trip to Charley’s sex palace, but I do want to briefly feature several items that may be of interest to you, because I wrote them! First, and perhaps most exciting, is a new thing I’m doing for Newsweek’s Human Condition blog! It’s called “MediCinema” and can best be described as “like the Comics Curmudgeon, except for prescription drug ads.” Check it out! It could be a one-off thing or it could be a regular feature, depending on its reception, so receive it well, please!

Also! I wrote a couple of possible interesting things for ITworld.com yesterday — one about funny error messages going public by mistake and one about techies changing jobs to flee from terrible tools. Check ’em out, if you’re into that sort of thing!

Finally, to prove that it isn’t all about me — for those of you who need more detail on the whole Marty DeJong backstory in Gil Thorp, turn to the incomparable This Week In Milford blog, which has a good summary and links to the DeJong-related comics from 2003 (with special appearances from a young Brent Raptor). Turns out Gil sort-of-but-not-really advised Marty to skip college and head for pro baseball. How’d that work out? Not well, as apparently a modern high school education doesn’t even prepare you to be a decent arsonist.