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Let’s get right into the day … and right into the comment of the week:

“As a scholar of game theory and social choice, Elmo knows that any binary selection system will inevitably fail Arrow’s impossibility theorem, and only a numerical scaled preference can deliver a truly fair result. Just one of the hundreds of rationalisations that Elmo’s multi-million dollar consultancy will bring to North Pole Inc.” –Schroduck

“If, tomorrow, Toby walks in and all three women recreate the classic ‘Spider-man pointing’ meme, I’ll take back every negative thing I’ve ever said about this strip.” –John Plugger Mellencamp

“I was going to make a joke about the guy Greymuzzle will introduce Dick and Sam to. He’s a furry-porn artist but actually redraws the art from other more talented artists. ‘Dick Tracy, I’d like you to meet Dick Trace-y.’” –The Rambling Otter

“‘Serve cheerfully’!? In the grim police state that is Dick Tracy’s world, a jury summons can not only require your intellectual labor, but pile on emotional labor too.” –Peanut Gallery

“Elmo, Santa Claus is a fifth-century bishop, his ethical system is completely rigid and completely incomprehensible to modern people. How many Arians did you slap this year? See, this is why no children get Christmas present and parents have to buy them!” –Ettorre

“I can’t get over how the janitor is just sitting there cheerfully recounting his Hague-Tribunal-worthy crimes against humanity. I hesitate to use the term ‘history’s greatest monster,’ or at least I used to. Have I been subconsciously reserving it?” –Violet

“She’s watching them feed each other with chopsticks but still only focused on how much they look alike. If I wore a Wilbur mask I could fuck Entertainer Esme over the dinner table and everyone would only focus on how good a mask it is.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“Jeez Alice. All Dennis asked for was a pair of dress slacks, a fur-lined navy peacoat, and a festive scarf. He just wants to look as smart as Joey and the other executives for their corporate holiday party!” –Carsick Yankee

“We’re just a couple days away from Future Janitor casually dropping ‘…and of course, Bull Bushka had to die.’”–Biiirdmaaan!

“If Lisa didn’t die, there wouldn’t be Lisa’s Story and without Lisa’s Story, Les Moore wouldn’t have the Best Actress Oscar in his possession that will very soon, fingers crossed, be the murder weapon that does him in if we’re going to get any sort of satisfying conclusion to this strip.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Downside? You want a downside? How about your mailman robot achieving sentience, linking up with the USPS Collective and enslaving you? ~Chuckle~” –MKay

“Also, all those times where, uh, things that were supposed to be funny didn’t quite land? That was caused by a feedback loop in the space-time continuum. Hard to explain the physics, but all those gags were actually hilarious.” –pugfuggly

“Oh, the luxurious perks of diner ownership. A common man like myself can only dream of being able to prepare and eat scrambled eggs and buttered toast at any time!” –jroggs

“Regional branding is quaint, but ultimately won’t hold up when some Big Box Cartel moves to town and forces a hostile takeover of your operations. Every mom-and-pop drug den will be shut down.” –Philip

“Wait, Cranky is passed out and not complaining. Seems like the best case to me — oh, he’s going to pee on himself, isn’t he?” –But What Do I Know?

“Judging from the sign in the stands, the team is now known as the Milford Rocks, no doubt due to their uncanny propensity for sinking to the bottom.” –Pozzo

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Is it chilly in here? Or are we all just shivering with laughter at this week’s top comment?

“I’m not clear on the rules for business meal deductions, but maybe Dithers figures if he and Dag ‘talk business’ for thirty seconds he can write off the cost of the meals on his taxes? ‘So, Bumstead, about that Grumwald contract you turned in last week — has your broken collarbone healed yet? Welp, time to order. I’m having fillet mignon in truffle sauce. You are having half a grilled cheese sandwich. You’re welcome.’” –Shrug

The runners up are also very funny!

“‘Friendship is another word for love,’ said someone, probably? In any event, I’m saying it now.” -pugfuggly

“Loweezy is right to be distressed. That ‘Z’ has been in the same position all night. Snuffy died in his sleep, most likely from some kind of coronary event. Time to revert to the name Barney Google & Spark Plug for this strip.” –taig

“It’s good that Tommy has someone living nearby that can care for him and assist him. But it’s great that it doesn’t have to be me!” –Ettorre

“Someone named ‘Kristin’ from a place called Highlands Ranch, Colorado, with a household income over $100k? These days they’ll let anyone be a plugger so long as they eat a lot and then poop.” –matt w

“It’s traumatic enough when your dad goes out for cigarettes and never comes back — imagine learning that he filed paperwork about it first. ‘Daddy, we just want you to come home!’ ‘Please direct all inquiries to my attorney.’” –Navigator

“There is no way this doesn’t end with Tracy arresting the entire convention for degeneracy.” –TheDiva

“Like many comics nowadays, this is actually a veiled threat against competing comics in an ever-shrinking numbers of newspapers and comics pages. Beetle Bailey is warning Snuffy Smith not to encroach on its territory in the comics pages.” –Philip

“With the focus on Franklin it’s easy to overlook the fact that he and Curtis are ‘studying’ blank sheets. In a cut scene Franklin says, ‘So you see, Curtis, when you look into the void the void also looks into you.’ Then he demonstrated the same principle with his gaping mouth. Curtis, however, focuses on minutiae, unwilling to face the existential implications of non-being. You speak for all of us, Curtis.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“What’s green, furry, has three black holes and three black flags, and needs a trim? That’s not a set-up to a joke, it’s just a question I have.” –Voshkod

“Dadburn grownups still ain’t never heard of spiders.” –made of wince

“Silas did in fact have a radioactive spider but refused to part with it for less than a whole cow.” –ectojazzmage

“I just assume the tablecloth is to hide Dagwood’s arousal when the food arrives.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Nah, I’m just going to write about pizza and cancer.” –Ned Ryerson

“‘You wouldn’t think that an oral history of a crappy Cleveland bedroom community would change history, would you? But, as we all know, a comic strip about that same community changed the medium forever! Never underestimate what can be done by one genius!!! Bwah hahahaha!’ ‘Uh, just so you know, there are people who knew I was coming here.’” –Rube

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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As you digest your turkey, please enjoy this comment of the week:

“‘I didn’t think you needed a prescription to get ibuprofen.’ ‘Look, who’s the fake doctor here? Do you have scrubs you got at a post-Halloween costume sale? No. Now shut up while I write you another script for an ice pack.’” –Truckosaurus

And the very funny runners up!

“The future, DustinDad, is sweatpants.” –random driveby commenter

“What the hell is up with Buck in the next to last panel? ‘Hmm, I guess that’s good news. I need to tell Truck what’s up, [thought bubble] and warn him that the poison didn’t work.’” –Hibbleton

“Well, I’ve done nothing, my work here is done.” –TheDiva

“No, Billy, you will not be going to market today, for the red star is a symbol of the glorious Communist revolution that is now upon us! (You’re going to re-education camp. Take your jacket. There will be no recess.)” –pastordan

“‘*Sigh* I’ve been expecting you’ is the Funkyverse’s version of ‘Norm!!!’” –taig

“Is an insult or a compliment if someone calls you ‘a very funny man‘ but it’s literally in the context of a fairy tale?” –Joe Blevins

“If you don’t have a neck and there’s no differentiation between your head and your body, just a round hairy cone tapering steadily out from scalp to gut, and your chin is growing from your breast bone, and without clothes to disguise it your naked body is revealed as an unholy abomination, you’re probably a plugger.” –Schroduck

“The unsung hero colorist on Dick Tracy almost certainly got editorial instruction like ‘his face is darkly colored from the MRI accident’ and had to pick just the right color to avoid an Incident.” –Dan

“I’m skeptical that pluggers ever quickly realize anything.” –nescio

“They didn’t steal your car. You just did a hospital procedure without insurance (crime pays but does not have job benefits) so instead of charging you and passing your debt to a collection agency, the hospital decided to cut out the middleman and simply take your car.” –Ettorre

“In janitor-man’s time everybody makes terrible jokes and is allowed only two expressions: smug and bored. He’s here at ground zero to kill that future in its cradle.” –gormadoc

“As usual, there’s a lot to unpack in this strip, but what confuses me is the big bold NOVEMBER in the first panel. This is a daily strip, right? Is it … just there to remind their readership what month it is? Do they think that the people who enjoy their work are also the types to forget what time of year it is? Harsh, man.” –pugfuggly

“Grampa gives a hearty chuckle. ‘Yes, loathsome little beast, isn’t he? I keep telling them better late than never when it comes to, er, family planning, but you know how young people are these days. No gumption!’” –Violet

“Look at the bright side, Fitch. At least you’re apparently drinking during the day in a well lit bar.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!