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Hey kids! Here’s your comment of the week!

“That horrified look is the result of Mary doing the math. ‘If Dawn were to marry Dr. Cory the Younger … and I were to someday marry Dr. Cory the Elder … then I’d be a step in-law of — Wilbur Weston?!? Unacceptable! Unacceptable!!'” –rich

And a bevy of hilarious almost-made-its:

“The Holy Shine of Drew and Dawn is nothing new. Dawn’s been experiencing that for the past week and a half. I just hope this doesn’t cue some kind of crazy virgin birth. Laugh if you will, but it makes more sense in a Mary Worth comic than, you know, actual sex.” –Aredvark

“That’s it. This is the storyline that will make me finally say it out loud: I love Gil Thorp. I don’t even know where the irony ends and the genuine excitement at the prospect of Kaz hunting down Gail Martin’s stalker begins anymore. This place has broken me.” –SecretMargo

“Wow, that’s a lot of exposition in panels two and three! But if you read through it all, you’re rewarded with a hilarious punchline delivered by a man who’s dead inside.” –Plus a constant

“Saying ‘May I confide in you?’ to Mary Worth is like asking Tommy Chong if he wants a hit off your bong.” –Francis

“But seriously, who wears that kind of shirt? I’ll tell you who: older women who never developed good taste in clothing and just quit trying, or 10-year-olds with cruel, heartless mothers who are actively trying to snuff out the smallest glimmer of self-esteem in their poor offspring. You know who doesn’t wear that kind of shirt? Pretty college girls dating older doctors, that’s who.” –Burning Prairie

“Bit of advice to sonny: ensure her papers are in order, and enjoy the rest of the time you have with her. Oh, yeah, you can’t because you hate her. OK, make her last days on earth a living hell! I’ll keep reading.” –Big Sims

“It’s Dr. Cory the Younger! You know the one — he’s in practice with Dr. Pliny the Elder and Dr. Smokey the Bear!” –Dono

“It all makes sense now: Archie’s surprisingly strong-looking upper body … and the fact that the kid, who is missing several front teeth and whom Archie openly verbally abuses, is working on a sand model of a shopping center. Clearly, Archie is running a architecture sweatshop, and any kid who doesn’t design a new mall fast enough will face the A-man’s fists of fury.” –BigTed

“I can’t wait till the culprit is found and the Kazmanian Devil unleashes cans upon cans of whoopass in a maelstrom of leathery fists and pearl earrings.” –Squawk

“Today my favorite Thing I Love to Hate About Gil Thorp (the latest in a seemingly endless series) is how the creators give full names to all of their characters, even the most peripheral and unlikely to reappear. (Especially the most peripheral and unlikely to reappear.) It’s like they think giving them last names will make up for how they’re so poorly drawn we can’t tell them apart, and so lacking in appeal that we wouldn’t bother anyway. I know it’s also, often, a way for the writer to shout-out to his homies, and I can’t decide whether I think that’s cute or obnoxious. Aw, hell, this is Gil Thorp — it’s both!” –Mollie

“‘I was just delivering my birds to one of my customers,’ and tying up any witnesses at gunpoint is just standard business practice. Is there any atrocity that this guy in the overalls could commit that would take the focus off the birds, at least for a few seconds?” –Zobes

“Er, no offense Mr. Trail, but I’m guessing this fellow’s worst nightmare is probably Hillary Clinton, or some scenario involving utensils and/or the word ‘shizzle.'” –SmartPeopleOnIce

“Ah, so in panel one, Buzzard has put back his overalls, and is wiping his mouth. Note to self: never become Mark’s prisoner.” –VALIS

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They’ll Do It Every Time, 8/4/07

It’s become increasingly clear that the “they” in They’ll Do It Every Time are Comics Curmudgeon readers, and what they’ll “do” is submit their own entries to this venerable feature and have them illustrated. “Paul Black” may not ring a bell, but he’s married to our very own faithful reader Trotzenbonnie, who apparently can’t be pleased when it comes to precipitation. The drawing doesn’t look too much like her, but at least she got a costume change in there. What she and her husband do with urges and hoses is none of our business, really.

In other reader news, faithful reader rainbyrd sent in this pic of her daughter, faithful reader huntingbyrd, in her Margo!Boxcar!Saturn! shirt, coming as close to kissing a blog as the laws of physics allow. I am touched that I can corrupt the young and old alike.

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Ever-faithful reader True Fable sent me some pics this past weekend sporting his spiffy new cranberry Margo!Boxcar!Saturn shirt around the fine town of Roopville, both to illustrate willethompson’s handiwork and to prove that the city isn’t some kind of made-up place like “Shangri-La” or “Peoria”. I was so wrapped up in squiring my mom around that I was neglectful in posting them! So here they are. Pic two offers a close-up of the shirt, while pic three illustrates the architectural majesty of Roopville City Hall.

Sadly, this exclusive run of shirts is now in the hands of collectors only; perhaps you’ll be able to get one on eBay someday. However, there are plenty of Gail Martin shirts still available! There’s anecdotal evidence that these are beginning to arrive in the eager hands of the first buyers, so I demand that you all send me pictures post-haste!

On a largely unrelated but still awesome note, I received an e-mail the other day from faithful reader Vince with the subject “Your tax dollars are paying for 3-D Mark Trail”:

To commemorate their 200th anniversary (or some crap like that), the NOAA headquarters in Silver Spring have been giving away promotional cards. They’re card stock, about 5×8 inches, and on the front they have a bunch of information about NOAA. Boring so far. However, if you turn it over, you get this Mark Trail strip. If it looks blurry, that’s because it’s supposed to be read using these 3-D glasses.

Amazing as this concept is, I must sadly report that the 3-D strip does not in fact feature Mark’s Fist O’ Justice coming at you right out of the frame.