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Hey rockers! It’s time for the TOTALLY BADASS AND AWESOME COMMENT OF THE WEEK! Uh huh! That’s right! You know it baby!

“It would be great if someone revealed a cure for cancer, if for no other reason than to render the next several months of Funky completely irrelevant.” –Reedzilla

Hey and guess what? THESE COMMENTS ROCKED PRETTY HARD TOO!

“Oh my god, kids these days. They stick out a fist at you, and they expect you to just know that you’re supposed to respond analogously. Not like high-fives, where you slap the other guy’s palm with your tongue, or a handshake, where you put your penis in the guy’s waiting hand.” –junk science

“I think that Gabriella’s mystical powers and ecstatic visions are perfectly within the realm of believability. Only a great and powerful witch could carry the devil’s child to term.” –The Eleusinian

“As the tale of Cedric the Butler winds to a (presumptive) close, let’s play Judge Parker Mad Libs for a stab at the next story line: Abbey and Neddy travel to [geographic location] where they run afoul of a [social stereotype]. Fearing that they will be victims of [crime or impropriety], they attempt to defend themselves with a [household object]. The day is saved by a [adj.] [profession] with a [adj.] [noun]. Later, Neddy tries on a sexy [article of clothing], much to Abbey’s [emotion].” –Motorposus

“Is it me, or is Mrs. Coach Thorp a dead ringer for Resuscitation Annie, the CPR doll? And when I say ‘dead,’ I mean that I don’t want to poke around in Coach Thorp’s closet any time soon.” –Wonder Boy

“That second panel, with the locker room staring accusingly at the reader, may be the finest moment in the history of unintentionally unsettling things.” –Victor Von

“I personally prefer the drag queen/stripper name scenario [for Oki Merlot]. Also, that would explain the glittery classlessness of the Oki/Oaky joke. She was probably born in Northern Idaho and in a grand, drunken moment in a Coeur d’Alene Safeway wine aisle, misspelled and mismatched her way into a new life, a new mixed heritage, and a new cultural identity to capitalize on. Her eyes were swelled shut with allergies and regrets, and everyone just kept assuming things, and then after a while it just became easier to go with the flow, as they say. The Chopstick Chignon and Qingpao Qicanery are thus easily explicable as just so much overcompensating.” –SecretMargo

“I’ll take a break from my general crankiness to point out that just about every male character in A3G looks exactly alike. Sandy hair, indistinguishable features, bland, bland, bland. ‘Alan — I’ll miss you most of all — if I could tell you apart from the lunch counter guy.'” –fizzy logic

“Is Curtis’ dad a Foob, or what? His wife is telling him her whole family hates his chain-smoking, rap-hating guts and all HE hears is ‘blah blah blah Other boyfriends, Blah blah blah.’ At least he’s not dying of lung cancer or I-hate-rap cancer.” –dreadedcandiru2

“The smug batter from Central looks like a young George ‘Superman’ Reeves, only in better shape. And by a young George Reeves, I mean 42.” –John C Fremont

“Man, only Mark Trail could take such seemingly dull elements as bird-watching, airport expansion, and bureaucratic zoning and make them … actually even more boring than that sounds.” –GG

“FC: Jeffy has never looked this closely at Dolly before. ‘It’s more a snout than a nose, really. Fascinating.'” –Old Bean

“I admit that I have only been following Rex Morgan via this blog. Usually, serial comics move so slowly that you only need to read every third one to understand what’s happening anyway. But RMMD’s current plot is so convoluted that I’ve just given up trying to understand it. I’ve now accepted that it’s just some sort of surrealist commentary on modern life. A woman makes threatening phone calls! A man sits in ice cream! A lady attends a board meeting in a cheongsam!” –Rooser the Bruiser

“Y’know, I still haven’t heard a good reason why the local paper in Mark Trail apparently runs articles about which journalists are in town and what articles they plan on writing. Perhaps it was a puff piece, something like ‘Severe Autism Doesn’t Hold Reporter Back’ or ‘Coming Soon — The Most Boring Article Ever’ or even ‘Famous Face-Puncher Visits Airport’? Because if that’s what counts as a major story in that town, they desperately need a good spree killing or molasses fire or SOMETHING.” –Trilobite

And hey, you know what else? We gotta thank God, our moms, and OUR ADVERTISERS! Oh yeah!

• Autumn Lake: Good old fashioned Webcomickry (from faithful reader Mooncity!). The kind of comic Mom used to make.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here. There’s a lot of space available! Also, you may not be aware of it, but you can also buy ad space at the top of the page, just under the search box, where the Google ad sits now; e-mail me for rates. ROCK OUT EVERYBODY!

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Another Sunday night, another dementedly funny comment of the week!

“I sincerely hope, but doubt, that the fine folks behind Apartment 3-G are hardcore enough to have Luann just die unspectacularly. Then Tommie would kill herself, and Margo would attend both funerals wearing a blue overcoat and a completely indifferent look. She might even boo a little.” –Tats

(This marks what I believe is an unprecedented two-week run for Tats! To prove that no favoritism is involved, I didn’t even notice that Tats had repeated until I went to update the code that puts the quote on the site. Well-played!)

And another dementedly funny list of runners up!

“Why is Dick Tracy giving a thumbs-down in panel two? Has killing the bad guy gotten so routine he now rates their deaths, and decided that Queenie diving headfirst into the exhaust pipe of a tug boat just doesn’t thrill him like it used to? Damn, Dick. Take a week or two of vacation and get your joy in the horrible demise of others back.” –smacky

“I really don’t think Jughead has anything to worry about. His bachelorhood is basically guaranteed as long as he keeps wearing that hat.” –ChefMike

“‘Rex takes his time…’ It’s the strip’s mission statement”. –PTrig

“Mark Trail: It’s like some kind of glorious triptych of deformity.” –Trilobite

“A rockslide begins with the fall of a single pebble. An avalanche starts with a sharp noise. An evening of pig sex that results in a lifetime of herpes and child support payments begins with a single peppermint schnapps. And so, with LizardBreath’s mention of Anthony, begins our delicious misery.” –willethompson

“Aw, c’mon, folks. We all knew this was coming. Liz and the ’Stache will get married right before Lynn transitions the strip to its frozen-in-time state and we’ll get to see them raise his little girl 4Eva. At least until the strip becomes about the talking dog. And we all know that every comic strip eventually becomes about a talking dog.” –mattt

“It’s a good thing that Rusty didn’t offer to take pictures yesterday when Mark and Cherry were getting their LoFo freak on. The result would have been a photographic mess with inflexible torsos and stiffly awkward limbs sticking out all over the place, sort of like if you disrobed a Barbie doll and a Ken doll and smacked them together.” –Paperback Rifler

“Actually, Cedric appears to be slamming the butlermobile into high gear as he smirks that he’s afraid of ‘growing old.’ Manual transmission, fear of loss of sexual potency, and younger women: it’s the official midlife crisis anvil.” –Jill Smith

“Several previous quotes from Michael on this site have made me think, ‘Oh, surely he didn’t say THAT.’ And then I visit the Foob site and find out he did. Gaah! Much as I fear and avoid (DT)GT, at least Clambake doesn’t write a letter every month.” –Poteet

“Check out Vexed Morgan, MD, in panel two, savoring his revenge — a dish best served cold … and sticky.” –SecretMargo

“Lovely office? Lovely? It’s two bookcases full of files with his bowling trophy and an award plaque from the association of loser Canadian CPAs and a model of a car that manufacturers give to dealers by the thousands. It’s a soul-sucking place, which is why Granthoy is so happy there. A normal human being would be drinking bourbon through a straw inside of a week.” –Professor Fate

“WANTED: Female accountant for an unbelievably expanding auto dealership chain. Must have plot device experience.” –Mibbitmaker

“I think ‘A nice girl’ and ‘We get along well’ is code for, ‘She is receptive to my unwanted, inappropriate sexual advances at work. Oh, and I told her she’d lose her job if she didn’t come with me.'” –martin

“I think we’re all forgetting the dark horse in this race: Gap-Toothed Starey ‘Hoooo!’ Guy. We all know GTSHG is the way to go. He’s personable, has a minimum of two actual friends, is jovial, and, um … thinks sex is funny? I don’t know where I was headed with this.” –Spoony Bard

“Gosh, I can’t think of anything more entertaining, more adventurous than following Mark along as he goes from office to office. Each day I wonder, ‘What will the desk look like?’ ‘Will there be any artwork on the walls?’ ‘Will I be able to spot a pencil sharpener or stapler lurking around?’ And, most importantly, ‘What sort of hairstyle and facial hair will Mark discover today?’ I’m so glad that Mark Trail is available to ‘guide’ me through the fascinating world of White Collar, White Man America.” –Laura Jane

“Lu Ann isn’t really dying; she always gets a bit panicky when she’s drowsy. Sleep is a confusing and frightening process for the terminally dense.” –Theominousoat

“This Roger Avery is making Heather look like a savvy business veteran. This idiot is planning to steal the corporation from his own stepmother and the sum total of his research on her is asking the moron driver who couldn’t even find his own car about her? And he believes every word of it? He’d have lasted about five minutes as Chairman of the Board before somebody bought his shares for a handful of magic beans.” –Dave H

“‘In the Restaurant of the Young’ — isn’t that a Raymond Carver short story? That would explain the waiter’s naked contempt, the blank walls, and the fact that the girl is a double amputee.” –Jim Anderson

And another opportunity to show some love to our advertisers:

• Bobbie Faye’s Very (very, very, very) Bad Day: This southern-fried, laugh-out-loud caper is “pure adrenaline!”
• 28 Weeks Later: The follow up to “28 Days Later” picks up 6 months after the virus has annihilated Britain. The rage virus is not dead and the fight for survival begins!

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here. You might note that the Top Spot is free for the first time in months — click here to reserve your place at the top of the left-hand nav bar! And! Also! You may not be aware of it, but you can also buy ad space at the top of the page, just under the search box, where the Google ad sits now; e-mail me for rates.

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Hey kids, new comics in a bit (AAAAHHHH NOOOO THE MUSTACHE NOOOO) but just wanted you to know that I’ve fixed the problem that was causing layout wackiness on Internet Explorer (it was in one of the ads). If you are still seeing the layout all screwed up, try holding down the shift key and reloading the page. Sorry ’bout that!

Update: I think the problem with the ad is fixed and I am readding it to the site. If you see any more layout issues, please chime in on this thread.

Update II: God damn it. Took it back down.