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Your comment of the week in a moment, but first! A couple of you have inquired about the whereabouts and health of longtime faithful reader and poster of Shadow COTWs Baja Gaijin, who hasn’t posted the Shadow COTWs in a while. Just wanted to pass on that I emailed with him and he’s OK! He just hasn’t been keeping up with the strips and didn’t feel up to doing the SCOTWs lately, is all. So have no fear!

But do have amusement, as you roll into this week’s top comment!

“In a normal family, that’s the sort of puzzle that parents would watch their young kid try to solve, helping from time to time as needed. In the weird hellscape of Marvinville, shit-machine babies are highly verbal and grammatical, and the (presumably) potty-trained parents are losing their grip on what shreds of rationality remain to them, to the point where even a child’s puzzle is a challenge for them. Marvin appears to be sucking their intelligence away from them and taking it for himself (though not the toilet-training parts of it). This is The Portrait of Dorian Gray, as reimagined by H.P. Lovecraft.” –Dmsilev

And your very funny runners up!

“Ten years ago, Wilbur was getting scammed by a fake girlfriend from Colombia. But now that job went to a white American from the free enterprise state of Florida! Tariffs work!” –Ettore Costa, on BlueSky

“Sunbeam really needs to give some love to the adults in Hi and Lois. He visits Trixie nearly every day, but this is the first time Lois and her friend have seen him in months.” –Anonymous

“It’s pretty harsh for Wilbur to thought-balloon that Dawn is like him, but I guess they did both get brutally rejected by her mom off-panel.” –matt w

“When I was young, my mother would take leftovers and feed them into a portable grinder that clamped to the edge of a table, and sometimes we kids would get to turn the handle to produce that delicious, delicious ham salad. Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes, let’s talk about how modern comic strips are created.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. Every time I close my eyes I have a vision of being cast into am infinite black void with this guy who looks like … Um, maybe I will take that pill…” –But What Do I Know?

“Fifty years from now at the bar, Young Tommy will still be called Young Tommy when he finally keels over from the strain of the many years of drinking and dies at 75. Younger Tommy will feel a moment of hope until he realizes his fate.” –Voshkod

“So I threw a massive tantrum and smashed the machine. Relatedly, I’m banned from that restaurant now. And also going viral on YouTube as ‘Male Karen gets owned in McDonalds’. This is a pretty shit day to be honest.” –ectojazzmage

“I guess the good thing about being Andy Capp’s bartender is that you can insult him constantly, without ever losing his business. What’s he going to do, not come into the pub every evening and drink pint after pint of dark ale until he can barely walk home? Nope, just pour him another one and throw up more zingers, and you’ll be fine.” –BigTed

“For me the real highlight is panel 1, where Belle is seductively twirling a strand of Wilbur’s lank combover between her fingers. Just imagine how greasy her fingertips must be once she’s finished.” –Schroduck

“I guess now that Gil has found someone to spout the trite, cliched pablum for him, he has even more time to ditch work.” –2+2=7

“The following day, Gertie was bit by a raccoon and contracted a rare combination of rabies and flesh-eating bacteria. She was mourned by no-one.” –pugfuggly

“The thing is, Thirsty isn’t GOING to the first ballgame. He traditionally spends opening day sitting in the living room recliner and drinking heavily.” –Ukulele Ike

“I will give Gertie this: unlike Gen Z, she has no fear of picking up the phone and voicing her complaints to the subject of her ire, rather than @ing them on social media in an attempt to get them canceled. Gen Z couldn’t order a pizza over the phone, while Gertie will threaten a goddess with arrest.” –Philip

“I’m gonna get a chair with my name on the side. I’ve had it with anthropomorphized concepts getting all the cool swag, why shouldn’t I have a sweet ‘Dan’ barcalounger? I work hard.” –Dan

“[Sigh] Another fan service strip for its target audience: tapeworms.” –Hibbleton

“‘Why are there so many reality shows about housewives, a sexist term that was considered insulting and outdated as far back as the 1970s?’ ‘Quit yappin’ and rustle up my dinner, Blondie!’” –Peanut Gallery

“‘YOU CANNOT … *GAZE* … UPON ME AND REMAIN … *SANE*’ the Dagwood had told her once. So she had turned her chair away from him. Sometimes, a ‘tendril’ would reach out and take her hand … It wasn’t love … the Dagwood was not capable of emotions like we are. Perhaps a promise that when the rest of the universe had been devoured, he would finally put her out of her misery and eat her last.” –Old Man Shadow

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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YEAH BOY IT’S TIME FOR THE COMMENT OF THE WEEK! WHEEEEEE

“When you walk around on a video call, how often do you keep the phone camera carefully framed to show your entire head and chest? How often do you make sure to keep your chest in the picture while you walk around the beach in a bikini? What about when the person on the other side of the call is your mother? And your mother happens to be staring at your enlarged picture on a several-foot-high screen, with an appraising look on her face? We already knew that each generation of The Phantom Family manages the sex life of the next one, but this storyline shows us there are aspects we haven’t seen before.” –Nevin, on Patreon

AND THE FUNNY RUNNERS UP TOO! YEEEHAW

“Hey, honey, how would you feel about cooking a lamb inside a lion for dinner tonight? Sort of a turducken thing I just thought of. No idea what we should stuff the lamb with yet. I think watching Animal Planet might help me with that one.” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter

“It’s the middle of the night, and there’s an entire blueberry pie in the refrigerator that Dagwood hasn’t even tasted yet? This actually does sound like a nightmare scenario for him! I guess it would be pointless to suggest he should get out a plate and fork before gobbling down a slice — heck, we should be happy that he didn’t just stick his entire face into the center of the pie and eat his way out.” –BigTed

“Personally, I appreciate the effort Dagwood puts into his alibis. He could just as easily have said, ‘Hey, honey, I’m gonna go eat an entire pie, alone, in the middle of the night, so … yeah.’” –Joe Blevins

“The FUSE: Fornication Under Sanction of Evans. It’s all coming together.” –Hibbleton

“‘LuannFan.com’ is really stretching things. ‘LuannTolerater.angelfire.com’ I could believe.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“To be a plugger is to have everything you ever loved fade away. Even fried food becomes a distant Fantasy. All that’s left is to sit 2 feet away from the TV set and wonder how the room got so small.” –Guts Dozier

“Crock is supposed to be a satire of Beau Geste, a novel no one now alive has probably ever read. But canonically the ‘heroes’ are English orphans raised in an upper class household and presumably exposed to the sexual deviancy common in upper class British households of the time. Good old Cecil may have taught him to ‘tie his shoe’ but I think we can all assume that the expression has nothing to do with footwear.” –Vanya

“But Peter received no answer for BC was stone dead, the cartilage of his shattered nose having been driven into his brain.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“With timeline drift, Dennis and Margaret are among the youngest members of Generation Alpha and as such, have no comprehension of Mr. Wilson’s crude 1950s gender stereotypes. Sorry, ‘homemaker’? We’re going to be living in a genderfluid polycule commune where all tasks are shared equitably! The future is now, old man!” –Dan

“Martha is surreptitiously filming this exchange for her YouTube channel, ‘Obnoxious shit my husband says to six-year-olds.’” –Lawyerbob

“‘Oh nuh, muh tonguh got stuk to tha clipbhord!’ ‘Mine tuh! Help uth, Thiffany!’” –Voshkod

“All Hi ever got from a sex drive was four kids who refuse to grow up and get out, so no big loss as far as he’s concerned.” –MKay

“I know the Hi and Lois team does not share my vision of the strip as character-driven (Lois is neurotically compulsive, Hi is crushingly aware of his inadequacies, neither can feel joy), and that’s why they never develop or even name Chip’s girlfriends. BUT THEY COULD AT LEAST REMEMBER THAT CHIP HAS BLOND HAIR.” –matt w

“Wilbur enters a typo for driving directions and they end up at Muay Thai. He is then forced into a battle royale. Prepare yourself for the art of the eight limbs, sandwich boy!” –Gil Bates

“[steps into blank beige space] Ah, spring, probably.” –pugfuggly

“Honestly, the most distasteful bit about this is the rhythm. A spondee followed by three thudding iambic pentameters? At least have the decency to create a complete decasyllabic verse, you hacks!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“We finally know who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp. I wouldn’t have guessed it was a mule, but now that I know, it makes a lot of sense.” –Peanut Gallery

[clears throat, much more serious voice] Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Start your Friday off right with this week’s comment of the week!

“Nothing says ‘I’m interested in what you’re saying’ quite like ‘Oh yeah? How’s that going?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

The runners up are also funny and also available for you to enjoy!

“What would really have been funny in today’s Blondie is eight more panels of Dagwood mournfully scooting his chair back to his office under his own power.” –matt w

“Wilbur’s tryst was apparently with a lower crook from a Carmen Sandiego game. He’ll certainly find it memorable when he’s questioned by Interpol in connection to Belle Batsfrey’s theft of Mexico’s famous Temple of Kukulcan.” –Kevyn on Video

“Dawn and Wilbur console themselves over their recently-ended relationships with ‘Cookie Lov’ cookies, specially formulated for those who have failed to find human love and decided to settle for cookie love.” –Rita Lake

“The only megacorps in Orlando are Disney and pyramid schemes, both of which have a tendency to give out absurdly inflated job titles. ‘Sales director’ means she runs the soft pretzel stand in front of It’s A Small World, or she just bought into Amway.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“That fish is in a bowl. Why are they acting like it’s just arrived when it’s clearly been watching the whole time? We insult goldfish memory a lot, but maybe this is the upside — you immediately forget having watched your friends repeatedly shit on the carpet.” –Schroduck

“Pluggers only lower their cholesterol when it’s priced out of their reach.” –TheDiva

“Yeah, if there’s one thing that mixes with blood donations, its dancing! Maybe you could serve some cocktails as well, in a sauna!” –pugfuggly

“So that’s why we haven’t seen the chicken-headed woman in Pluggers for a while! I had no love for that wretched abomination, but she didn’t deserve to end up in the belly of the even more loathsome Shoe.” –KMD

“On the bright side, it’s easy for the Fuse staff to have impromptu planning meetings since they have no customers.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“Luckily, in Judge Parker two years is the same as roughly 18 hours, so she’ll be out in no time. Or forever. I forget.” –CIA Advisor to the Jungle Patrol

“I like that the doctor is TV handsome. I like to imagine he’s actually the protagonist in an early 2000s drama about a doctor who also has a blog, because that would have been high concept at the time, and the Lockhorns are the comedy-driven B-plot patients we see for like 10 minutes every other season.” –Dan

“In an attempt to recapture his pre-marriage youth, Leroy has been spending his evenings at hipster bars with very young adults. The joint pain comes from drinking way too many hard seltzers, as a high intake of carbonated beverages has been shown to reduce bone mineral density in older folks. But at least he’s been making new friends — most of whom think he’s the half-real-life, half-computer-animated Grumpy from the upcoming Snow White remake.” –BigTed

“Gertie isn’t happy unless she sees a driver on fire running out of a burning car.” –Liam

“As much fun as it would be to see a NASCAR driver run off the track, go to the parking lot, and drive back into the race in his personal 2017 Honda Civic, I’m pretty sure they only let you wreck the one car you started with, Gertie.” –Old Man Shadow

“‘Will you have to fight Mary to get it back?’ I can’t decide whether this is an incredibly poor grasp of Wilbur and Mary’s actual dynamic or an attempt to rid the world of Wilbur once and for all. ‘Go ahead and pick a fight with Mary, Dad! Anybody else who did would end up with their corpse baked into a casserole, but nothing can kill you, right? You shouldn’t even be ALIVE, but you ARE!’” –T Campbell

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!