“Good to see an appearance by Johnny Dollar, the man with action-packed expense account.” –smokey stover

“Love that Mary Worth goes with a Dutch angle in panel 4 before getting downright non-Euclidean in panel 5. 10/10 no notes.” –Porridge McGruel, on BlueSky

“I like how that guy in the throwaway panels looks less like a distracted driver than some dude updating his score on his vehicular assault app.” –pugfuggly

“Oh come on, Karen! Belle is not a ‘patient adversary’ — she’s been in town less than forty-eight hours and she’s already trying to poison Dawn. And not some kind of slow-acting, make-it-look-natural poison that can leech Dawn’s life away while Belle insists on staying in town to help Wilbur take care of his poor ailing daughter (and, eventually, comfort him in his loss), but freaking drain cleaner that will eat through Dawn like her dad going through a sack of White Castles. The only instance in which she’s displayed patience is being willing to put up with Wilbur, which admittedly shows a great amount of restraint but isn’t exactly ‘adversarial,’ unless this is a long game to get at his life insurance.” –TheDiva

“If anyone ever has to summarise Pardon My Planet’s target audience, I think today’s strip does it perfectly: ‘Aging Gen X grunge fans who are also paranoid raw milk freaks.’” –Schroduck

“If you ever worked in theater or film, one of the most annoying things is when extras or walk-on characters break with blocking and direction and draw attention to themselves. This milkman is parked on the wrong side of the street opposite the market so he can be centered in the frame. He’s facing the wrong direction so he break the fourth wall. He’s not even looking at Heathcliff or reacting to him, undercutting all the stunt work Heathcliff meticulously planned out for the jump. This milkman will be blacklisted from this strip for this blatant unprofessionalism.” –Philip

“Count Weirdly’s purple, detachable primary sexual characteristic, ‘Li’l Scrote’ is back and helping The Count fit together various aerospace-grade Mil-DTL-38999 Series III wiring harness connectors. The connectors are mysteriously missing the pins and sockets necessary for a functioning cable connection, demonstrating once again that Count Weirdly suffers from Oliver Sacks level of perceptual malfunctions, and realistically offers no harm to any Forestville resident, or the government.” –Doc Wonmug

“It’s been a few months now since Marty Moon lost his job for being drunk, right? Everyone else is wearing short sleeves because it’s spring (baseball season), but not Ol’ Marty. He’s been wearing the same ratty denim jacket since January. Probably hasn’t changed ANY of his clothes, TBH. What I’m saying is that Marty might wanna start working on his personal hygiene along with his addiction issues. Pretty sure you can do both.” –brendancalling

“What do you think Dagwood carries in his briefcase? My guess: cold cuts.” –Joe Blevins

“I’m looking forward to Rex Morgan, M.D. finally coming to an end and passing the torch to its replacement, The Many Vengeances of Old Man Murder.” –Victor Von

“The Duke is committing the cardinal error in combat — don’t bring a [squints] cutting board to a Viking fight.” –But What Do I Know?

“Mr. Svenson was apparently in such a rush to grab a quick smoke, that he left a single boot behind, Cinderella-style.” –Guts Dozier

“Try walking down that sidewalk in sandals: a hydrant right up the middle, rivers of dog urine to the sides.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“How long do we think Mary Worth Incorporated is going to pad out the ‘Wilbur’s girlfriend keeps getting foiled in her attempts to poison Dawn’ story? The point was made with the first one, but I personally hope it just keeps going for months, with increasingly more elaborate food-based ploys, until it culminates in a Princess Bride-esque switcheroo where Belle ends up dead after consuming the poisoned meal herself.” –bakeryjumpscare

“‘You chump,’ thinks Dustin. ‘You went to the ballet while I stayed home eating tortilla chips and balancing a glass of milk on the sofa, both of which are strictly forbidden while Mom is home. I am wild, I am free, you are a henpecked cuck. Crap, I didn’t say that out loud, did I?’” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Dawn knows what’s up. I mean, come on — surely you can’t think Belle is the first person to every try and poison her?” –Old School Allie Cat

“I don’t like what I’m hearing. If that officer of suspicious of someone, he should take the guy downtown, or at least question him with other cops around for intimidation. Multiple casual conversations over the course of the day with relaxed body language is NOT how to pin it on someone!” –Nevin, on Patreon

“At first glance I thought the waitress striding away was saying the caption in the word balloon — which tracks very well for her daily chore of attending to these fossils on daily basis. Therapy would be futile.” –Kirkout

“Man, I love this city. The skyline from the distance, and how the parks, the restaurants, the theater district, and the dump are all conveniently located downtown. There’s a reason they call it ‘the city that never hires urban planners!’” –Voshkod

“Look, kid, your cat’s welcome to eat all the rats and roaches he can kill, but don’t come crying to us when he chokes to death on a disposable e-cig and ruins your weird Victorian child-rearing fantasy or whatever.” –Wilktoast

“What sells this is the final panel. Remember, Dustin’s equally-terrible-but-in-a-different-way father has no idea what his son’s dream was. All he knows is that Dustin suddenly says, apropos of nothing: ‘I keep having the same nightmare.’ Maybe the young man is on the verge of a killing spree. Maybe he wants to talk about his feelings. Both prospects are horrifying.” –Joe Blevins

“I was about to let Beetle in on the secret I’ve discovered in my 23 years of cooking for myself: You can just eat potatoes with the peel and you get more flavor and more nutrition. Though I suggest washing them carefully and peeling off any unsightly black parts. Only after staring at the strip for another minute did I figure out he’s talking about punishment detail. Of course Beetle gets to personally peel pretty much every single potato consumed by Camp Swampy. And on that reflection, I wonder, is a lifestyle of constantly disrupting exercises and disobeying his officers really worth it?” –Amelie Wikström

“Ha ha, oh yes, how silly, you’re right. I certainly don’t have a one-way flight to some South American tropical paradise where I’ll never have to hear about spreadsheets or kids or fucking Sunbeam ever again. Let me just, uh, pack this suitcase for no reason. You just go back to sleep, and if you hear something that sounds like an Uber outside at 3 AM, ignore it.” –Schroduck

“Ed’s swinish co-worker might be passive-aggressing him by making sure ‘great’ didn’t modify ‘wife and two kids,’ but teasing Ed about his wife won’t work. Helen is way out of his league looks-wise, and her black heart full of evil is frankly a bonus, for him.” –matt w

“There’s a lot that I don’t like about this strip, but I have to admit, the art is good. Today, for instance, they’ve managed to perfect capture the look of a guy who you absolutely hate in spite of the fact that he’s pleasant and nice, in a way that makes you realize that maybe the problem is with you. I mean, most people would realize that, not Dustin’s dad, obviously.” –pugfuggly

“I, for one, support Suburban Fairy Tales pivoting toward a darker, more Brothers Grimm oriented take on their characters. The world is full of dangers, and the children in their pedestrian hostile suburbs need to learn the truth!” –Philip

“I can’t believe I’m saying this about a strip in which a man appears to be smoking a corncob pipe through his nose, but TOO REAL, HI & LOIS.” –Guts Dozier

“Poodles are depicted as sexpots in comics. Grimm is not having memory problems here, he’s upset that he can’t control his sex addiction. Mother Goose had better wash her throw pillows.” –nescio

“Dude … you’re wearing a hat that says ‘Trash.’ You knew what the job was when you took it: collecting refuse, lying about recycling plastic, laundering mob money, and occasionally making a corpse disappear.” –Old Man Shadow

“Professor, I’m writing to you from the Sullivan site. it is everything we hoped, I feel it will finally unlock the secrets of early 21st century society. Oh Professor, it is astonishing, it seems that these people actually worshipped plastic! I believe that, as an act of devotion to their hydorcarbonic gods, they heaped great mounds of broken plastic a few miles away and downwind of their cities. I do not wish to get ahead of myself, Professor, but I believe this discovery will secure our place as the greatest archeologists since the mysterious events that made the people of our future time incredibly stupid.” –BananaSam

“I’m still trying to work out if it has a nucleus, mitochondria, endoplasmic reticulum, or lysosomes! Say, do you feel like we’re being absorbed through an external membrane?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“When this joke was written weeks ago, it was about the cost of eggs due to the bird flu. But now it can be applied to the fact that tariffs can fail to restore domestic production because they increase the cost of production inputs! Sometimes the comics production lag can accidentally improve a joke!” –Ettorre

“Can’t beat a Horrocks Family party. NOTHING says rockin’ like a couple of balloons, a plate of sandwiches all to yourself, and hangin’ with the same dude you apparently spend every day of your life with. If you hold that comic up to your ear, you can almost hear ‘Who Let The Dogs Out.’” –A Grave Mind

“Dick Tracy is a manly man, but he’s also hip and with it. While he wouldn’t go anywhere near the internet or, ugh, social media, even for an investigation, he’s not averse to people bringing him printed out screen shots.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Like many people, today’s strip confuses the difference between ‘frogs’ and ‘toads.’ Here are some key indicators: frogs are smooth-skinned and are the favored form of enchanted princes, whereas toads have dry bumpy skin which you lick to get high. Hope that helps!” –TheDiva

“More evidence, if such were needed, that ‘Dennis’ is a figment of Mr. Wilson’s burgeoning psychosis. Always there, in the same clothes, when he’s least wanted, a voice in Wilson’s ear, telling him exactly what he doesn’t want to hear, raising his blood pressure. In this case, Wilson is reasonably worried about his health, but then … there’s that annoying little akuma-boy, taunting, ‘You look great! Eat! Eat all you want, of delicious butter, salt, meat!’ A bead of flop sweat trickles down Wilson’s temple. Is the terrifying imp in his bathroom correct? Should he give in to temptations — minor temptations to be sure, but at his age definitely inadvisable? ‘Read meat doesn’t raise cholesterol,’ the smiling imp whispers.” –Chance

“Ghosts often serve as otherworldly portents within fiction, issuing ominous predictions or dire warnings to the living. While the Ghost of Pop(s) doesn’t expressly say it, the subtext of his warning is still chilling: if you live and die wearing a very stupid hat, you will be damned for eternity to wear a very stupid hat.” –Wilktoast

“Where does Wilson hide that giant scale when not in use? Seriously, with two seniors in the house and a cramped bathroom, that’s a major trip hazard. Let alone maneuvering around Dennis who seems to want to hang out in there.” –Hibbleton

“Man, I’ve never seen the Rex Morgan, M.D., narration box this worked up before. It knows the guy’s trying to be stealthy, and is just screaming, who is this guy, why is he here, pay attention to him. I wonder if it knows that only the reader can hear it, and that we don’t particularly care. Either way, what a tragic way to achieve sentience.” –Dan

“No, I don’t mean your face is familiar from the radio, you nitwit. I recognize you as the man who threw up on my dog the other day.” –Guts Dozier

“This obviously isn’t going to work, since the major bone of contention is who gets the ‘masterpiece.’ Fortunately, this is Max’s turn to shine as, in a Solomonic turn, he takes that sword from the box and simply hacks the thing in half.” –cheech wizard

“‘Police? There’s a car parked on the street here.’ ‘In your suburban neighborhood? We’ll be right there.’ ‘I think there’s a dead guy in it.’ ‘So, no rush then. By the way, how do you know he’s dead?’ ‘I’ve seen a lot of still life paintings at the art museum.’” –But What Do I Know?

“What I take from today’s Slylock Fox is that investing in an original panel from Bob Weber Jr.’s Moose and Molly will set my descents up for generations, as this fine art becomes recognized as a masterpiece. It’s just a shame they didn’t include an address or QR where I could order me one!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I’m assuming the man in the last panel is all of us, just waiting to see the dead body. Should I be putting on a three-piece suit to read Dick Tracy? Suddenly it feels like I have to.” –pugfuggly

“They’ve found the one thing that brings them both mutual joy: getting absolutely blasted and fucking with an insurance agent. Good for them.” –Remy

“But enough about disconnection syndrome. Let’s talk about macrocephaly, which seems to be a slightly more pressing concern for you.” –Voshkod

“Take a good look at Snuffy Smith. Imagine smelling him. What do you think ‘embarrassment’ could mean to such a person?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“So, ‘Whom do I have to kill to get a day off around here’ is narrowed down to just the boss.” –Peanut Gallery

“Look, Phantom Daughter … I know you’re really trying hard to get your brother laid … which is a sentence I never thought I’d type and never want to again, but what you’re describing is a psychotic break or severe depression with suicidal thoughts or possibly generic comic strip mental disorder that ends with Kadia putting on a weird costume, doing themed robberies, and periodically trying to kill your family. Maybe just make a profile for the guy on a dating site.” –Old Man Shadow

“My Thai may have a delightful array of splatter worthy liquids as a major selling point, but one of these days, they’re going lose out to Pho Saigon where condiments include fish sauce and table chilies and you can just stick your SuperSoaker’s intake into your bowl and have at the entire dining room.” –richardf8

“The creative team went with Wimbledon because they couldn’t think of any major tennis tournaments in the U.S. But they’re Open to suggestions.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“Ordinarily you wouldn’t plant a tree just three feet away from your house but Crankshaft knows he’ll be dead soon, long before it becomes somebody else’s problem.” –Rex Thrillho, on BlueSky

“Lady, I know the Westons have all the warmth and appeal of slugs, but that doesn’t mean you can kill Dawn by spilling sodium on her. Wilbur may have survived multiple cruise ship disasters, but Dawn survived one herself. Their DNA is unfortunately made of stronger stuff.” –Lauralot

“I kind of admire Belle’s hustle. Sure, she wants to kill her, but why stop there? Let’s inconvenience her in a million small ways first!” –Jobrill

“Billy, when the expression on Jeffy’s face says ‘What a dumbass,’ ya dun goofed.” –matt w

“Sarge tries to protect his historical legacy by making sure his name doesn’t come up during questioning of the most incompetent POWs in history.” –Hibbleton

“Hi reads golf magazines to fall asleep because he finds golf just as boring as the rest of us do.” –Lawyerbob

“Ah, I’ve finally figured out what’s going on. Gil’s dead and what we’re seeing is a slide show being presented by Marty Moon, who’s delivering his eulogy. Coach Gerads has been warned against heckling.” –Cleveland Mocks