“I have to assume the Perfesser was examined in the conference room because past conduct required the hospital lawyer to be there. What we’re seeing is the POV of the attorney, hence why the Perfesser is looking directly at the reader and attempting a legalistic argument to defend ignoring his doctor’s advice.” –Philip

“Pluggers blur the line between back pain and hip dysplasia.” –Hibbleton

“There’s a lot of subtext in Eve’s ‘Oh … okay,’ most of it along the lines of ‘is she dangerous?’” –Ken

“Given the genericness of Olive’s animal whispering here, I’m starting to believe that Olive is less ‘psychic’ and more ‘imaginative child who has learned how to apply the Barnum effect to fleece these geezers for all they’re worth,’ and I can’t think of a better hobby for a young girl.” –Library Seraph

“Oh he’s standing up? God, I thought the punchline was going to be ‘Pluggers can’t find the remote until it’s at least 2 inches inside.’” –pugfuggly

“Anyway, can you help me? I’ve been vaguely poking at this carrot with a knife for an hour but I can’t seem to cut it.” –TheDiva

“The funny part is, these people aren’t even house-shopping. They needed someone with time on her hands to vent at, and, well, Lois is a failure.” –A Grave Mind

“Family Circus is moving into the crudely labeled political cartoon game. Jeffy symbolizes Jeffy. (They’re not very good at it.)” –matt w

“So it is possible to achieve Felony Fire Hydrant Pissing.” –Mkay

“[Adjusting tie over sloppy shirt] Could you maybe phrase your medical advice in a way that implies I get no respect?” –Dan

“The fridge has a light to expose your nakedness and sin before God and neighbor, Cosmo, everybody knows this! Seriously, you should either wear pajamas or pull the kitchen blinds.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Probably Leroy insulted the French waiter by noticing that he is the only person in universe with a chin. Sure, being chinless is monstrous for us, but this is a Twilight Zone situation.” –Ettore Costa, on BlueSky

“Ok, because sometimes comic strips’ niche interests overlap with my own, I can answer today’s Rex Morgan, M.D.: No, ‘they’ have not started calling Americana music ‘Ameripolitan,’ unless the ‘they’ you are referring to is ‘fans of roots singer Dale Watson.’ Watson has tried to push this branding, going so far as to host an Ameripolitan Awards ceremony for over a decade. Though he is a respected part of the community, no one uses that term unless they’re at his ceremony or on his payroll.This scene could still be a realistic slice of life! Hank might be a gatekeeper, mouthing questionable facts to remind his wife of his superiority. Or maybe Dale Watson himself is in this wedding audience and spreading his brand to gullible old men. There are lots of possibilities, and we’ll need this comic to spend the next month telling us exactly why we are hearing this slightly misinformed statement about country music labels!” –Nevin, on Patreon

“Judge Parker’s fascinating. In panel 1, Sam and Abbey are in conversation. In panel 2, they’ve rotated on a giant turntable. Sam’s talking to a point behind Abbey’s head while she stares directly at me and tells me ‘Let me stop you there with a big no.’ How did she know? How did she know my plans, my terrible secrets? Whatever they are, I guess I’ll be putting them on hold until some future strip, where Abbey stares into the camera and says ‘You know what to do.’” –Matthew Z. Wood

“Being a plugger is a life of misery but come on, fight back against the inevitable just a little. Do not go gentle into that good night/ Pluggers should burn and rave at close of day/ Rage, rage against the dying of the light/ Using a washing machine is a-okay.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Oh sure — and learn a practical skill like arithmetic? Well, no thank you…” –Dennis Jimenez

“Well, I must admit, I have never seen ‘yikes’ used in a cartoon that conveys so exactly and accurately the reader’s impression of the panel in which it occurs. I mean, yikes.” –Chance

“So the other officers get annoyed when Sarge … comes in early and gets his work done? I don’t know what kind of Army they’re running here, but it can’t be the one we need.” –BigTed

“Leroy’s right to feel jealous. Nothing turns a hunk on like a gnome dressed like the ghost of a Victorian orphan.” –Schroduck

“Mary Worth clumsily exposition-dropping the Santa Royale hot-air balloon festival has big ‘…and Mr. Chekhov has a brand new gun in his desk drawer!’ energy.” –raincannon

“‘But we haven’t told you when we were going!’ Ed and Evy smile and nod, smile and nod. ‘That’s right,’ they intone together. –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I know that eventually you just have to accept the weird bolding in Mary Worth, but even within that, come on. If you’re gonna drop something like, ‘I have some prior commitments,’ you absolutely have to smash cut to Olive’s mom doing something humorous. The panel is even drawn so everyone’s looking at her expectantly! I have to assume what comes next is dead silence, Olive coughing once, and everyone moves on.” –Dan

“Andrew D. Capp, known to his friends as Andy, was killed in a knife attack in a pub in Liverpool last evening. Accordingly to witnesses, Mr. Capp interfered in a snooker game. Rest in peace, Mr. Capp (1921(1932(1941(1954(1962(1972(1981)))))))-2025).” –Voshkod

“Sorry, Loretta had the flu last week. Well, she died! I came here to you because I wanted to report this to someone who would care.” –Ettorre

“Anyway Reggie has confirmed that Veronica is the being containing all perfections from Descartes’s ontological argument, so that’s that settled.” –matt w

“I assume that Mother Goose’s pose is intended to partially hide her mammalian breasts from the reader. I don’t approve. Mike Peters made this anatomically freakish bed, and he should be forced to lie in it.” –Mr. A

“The cow is sad because the horse snarfed down all the drugs. The birds have to lead the horse because he’s too high to figure out where to go on his own. The kid’s smug because he loves that the horse denied his mortal enemy, the cow, any drugs. And yes, the birds are leading the mammals to their deaths. The birds’ll be pecking on their carcasses for dinner tonight until the larger scavengers find out. Simples.” –Baja Gaijin

“‘To quote a meta-research paper, Loch Ness is the one body of water on Earth we can be most sure doesn’t have a monster in it. It’s been so thoroughly searched and mapped, for generations you just had to say you were thinking of looking for the Loch Ness monster and you’d get funding. It’s a pretty funny situation. Anyway, time to get some jokes from this century, Roz.’ ‘Well. I guess then we know where your uncle doesn’t dump the bodies. He’s the … Not-Ness Mobster? Something Elliot Ness something? Look, we’ll workshop it later.’ ‘Again, he’s murdered a lot of people.’’ –Amelie Wikström

“What the fuck is a ‘12 minute animated graphic,’ anyway? In a psych course, no less? Doesn’t this sound like a super 1998 kind of thing? Does the baby dance to B.F. Skinner quotations this time? AM I back in 1998? Can … can I be?” –A Grave Mind

“I’m actually grateful that Dustin’s dad brought up that awful subject because the camera rotates 180° between panels 1 and 2, yet Megan’s posture is completely unchanged. Her body has inverted itself to present the same outward appearance to all directions, even having (apparently) moved from behind the chair to in front of it. She’s either a metamorph or a walking optical illusion, and the effect is so unsettling that anything that forces my mind to consider something even more repellent is a blessing.” –Vice President John Adams

“I actually don’t think this is a sex joke at all. I think that Dustin’s dad is saying that he probably hasn’t spent 10,000 hours with his kids over their entire lives, and they’ve never been taken by the state, so, you know, can’t argue with results?” –pugfuggly

“Ten thousand hours? Dustin’s dad chuckled. Indeed, he had needed far less time to attain mystery of the forbidden alchemies contained in that weathered tome he had found in the law school library all those years ago. The formulas and incantations were so precisely laid out that even a novice like Dustin’s dad could create a reasonably convincing homunculus after a few tries. Likening himself to God who created man from dust, he named his handiwork ‘Dustin,’ though, like God, he soon saw the frailty, the spinelessness, the lack of ambition of his creation. But Dustin’s dad had corrected the flaws in his formula. As Meg turned from her father, she saw it: the Dadling, a diminutive facsimile of its creator and the final evolution of his craft. Meg screamed, for she saw in its eyes the signs that to this creature she was sister, yet alien, inferior.” –Abram Beazer

“Thanks for your advice, Truck, but I’ve already leased a billboard that Jonah can see from his hospital bed.” –MKay

“Poor Charlie Brown. Once, he was a global icon, the Everyman incarnate, beloved staple of holiday television traditions and cute birthday cards everywhere. Now in the wake of the Animalpocalypse he’s forgotten, his iconic shirt hanging forlorn on thrift store rack among the detritus of the civilization that bore him. Good grief.” –TheDiva

“Sure, Mary Worth can have beach fun and ancient Egypt in alternate weeks, but Heathcliff crams them both into the same day. See him pointedly staring away from the water, with a smug smile on his face, as his mummy friend sinks below the waves. Heathcliff knows he doesn’t need to save anyone to make his comic fun!” –Nevin, on Patreon

“The Gospels quote gives the game away. ‘Yeah, we’re all going out to dinner one night next week. There will be thirteen of us in all. But I feel like one of them is going to betray me in the near future. Maybe I’ll bring that up, just to clear the air.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I hope it looks like… [mentally cycles through all the weird humanoid shapes that exist in the Crock-verse] …I take it back, we shouldn’t be procreating.” –pugfuggly

“Look, I know there are only so many ways to dress logic puzzles up as child-friendly detective mysteries, but ‘How did Slylock find the thief? He looked at the security camera footage’ is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.” –Schroduck

“Asimov’s Revised Laws of Robotics:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
4. Women be Shopping.” –Philip

“I dream of a world where not only do the garbage men win awards, but also that they wish to discuss it with me, like I’m anything to them beyond a trash-gouting annoyance, and they’re anything to me beyond, well, the garbage men. Also, one of them looks like he was heaved forward via wormhole from a cartoon produced in 1938. I’m pretty sure Joan Baez wrote at LEAST one song about this.” –A Grave Mind

“This, this is classic mid-late period B.C.! There’s a rock with words on it! The words mean ‘Blatant pretext for an incredibly low-effort joke!’ Then there’s an incredibly low-effort joke! The panel is filled out with a stock drawing of a disappointed caveman and … just a lot of white space! Get rid of Satan’s Color Gradient at the bottom of panel two and you’re cooking.” –matt w

“Man, today’s Beetle Bailey takes a deep dive into race relations in the military. During the 60s and 70s, black soldiers and officers were always told something wasn’t regulation — usually their haircut or their facial hair. ‘No Afros, no matter how short! No beard, even if shaving causes skin irritation.’ To have a pompous white general demean one of the most competent lieutenants in Camp Swampy — who just happens to be black! — means Beetle Bailey has finally reached the Vietnam War, and we can look forward to most of these idiots bleeding out in a rice paddy.” –Voshkod

“Maybe it’s just the MG&G team’s subtle way of saying they’re mailing it in today.” –Pozzo

“Fire departments are usually a competence of local government, while the Postal Service is a federal institution. Is being willing to piss on fire hydrants but not mailboxes a celebration of centralised power against the wishes of the framers or an indication that local government is more responsive to the natural needs of citizens? In this essay…” –Ettorre

“The corpses, mother. It is the corpses which draw me to the museum, day after day. Through my second sight, I can’t help but see everyone (except for Mary Worth, the Ageless One) decaying around me. But the mummies lie still, preserved, proof that even death beyond death can have its terminus.” –Guts Dozier

“That’s not Olive’s mom. Mary is going the extra mile to encourage Olive’s interests, acting out the myth of Khonsu, aging and becoming young again with the phases of the moon.” –Dan

“He just now suspects that he might be a dog. The rear-end shot is to verify it. Tail = dog, no tail = a conundrum for another day.” –MKay

“Do you see how eager Snert looks? He definitely understands human language, probably because he’s a man cursed by the gods to live as a dog. The family fears that, by so blatantly thwarting Loki’s will, they will attract his wrath. (Frankly, the hat is already a risk.)” –Mr. A

“He’ll be staying with us for a week or so. Or until his insurance runs out, whichever comes first. He does have insurance, doesn’t he?” –seismic-2

“Fun fact: the nurses I know hate CPR, because it inflicts broken ribs and sternums, even damage to the lung or liver, and for what? Overall survival rates outside of the ER are around 7.5%. For patients over the age of 70, that drops to 6.7%. So if you’re trying to, let’s say, resuscitate a comic strip born in 1948, it’s just not worth it. Get Rex Morgan, M.D., a DNR order, stat!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“This puts a new spin on things, as presumably his greatest foe is ‘the Master.’” –Maltmash3r

“Medical dude’s incredulous ‘You’re Jonah’s FAMILY?’ was responsible for what was probably the first time I’ve ever laughed out loud at a Rex Morgan strip. But it was kind of undermined when I read further and realized this guy just has some sort of Tourette’s-like random bolding disorder. ‘We think we’ll be able to treat him with MEDICATION!’” –Peanut Gallery