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Folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first: If you’re in LA TONIGHT, February 10, you can get some more laffs from me, live and in person! That’s because my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, back on its new day (the second Friday of the month) and a new time (8:30 pm) but the same place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz) and the same shtick (jokes about the Internet). Here’s the Facebook event!

And now … your comment … of the week!

“I love how they invented a letter that’s EXTRA capitalized for Shepherd, to make it stand out from all the normal capital letters, because otherwise how is it clear that Dolly/Grandma means JESUS and not just some outdoorsy boredom-proof menial? I don’t mean I ‘love’ it, but I noticed it. Actually it kinda feels like cheating.” –Twinkles the Elf

And your hilarious runners up!

“We know what Dolly’s real game is here: If Jeffy ever learns to count past 5, he’ll be the smartest one in the family.” –BigTed

“The ‘ shepherd,’ of course, is what the Keanes call Carfentanil, a powerful sedative used to calm large animals. If it can help you handle an angry elephant, it’ll put Jeffy down for a good 24 to 48 hours.” –Voshkod

“Count Weirdly could prevent the next five Rachel Rabbit accusations by sending his big snake out to her clothesline. It looks hungry enough.” –Baja Gaijin

“There are countless volatile liquids that have a boiling point well below that of water so the boiling flask isn’t necessarily a sign that Weirdly is lying. Don’t mess with things you don’t understand, Slylock, and by that I mean basic chemistry.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I got side-tracked by the purple thing. It’s a scrotum, right? Is it Weirdly’s own detached and semi-sentient scrotum, or is it an auto-scrotum? Either way it’s a fine example of Weirdly not consulting any kind of bio-ethicist at all.” –Lothar+of+the+Hill+People

“In today’s modern hyperconnected global economy, Hootin’ Holler’s whimsically ramshackle wooden fences are shipped flat pack from a Chinese gigafactory and its moonshine is distilled by a Luxembourg-owned conglomerate’s plant in Romania from bulk carrier loads of grain from the Horn of Africa. Eligible bachelors are the only thing still produced locally, and even that will change as developing economies rapidly upskill their fledgling hillbilly industries.” –Schroduck

“A resident of Hootin’ Holler pondering economics? Or a representative of the small Hootin’ Holler BDSM community? The latter seems more likely.” –nescio

“Today we learn that Dennis is less menacing than a lack of dietary fiber. This seems intuitively correct, and I will not question it.” –pastordan

“So we’re all agreed that Sophie is still beating the stuffing out the judge just off panel as his drug addiction is calmly explained, right?” –Old Man Shadow

“At first, I thought that small person was supposed to be a child; but now I realize he’s elderly Mickey Rooney, if Mickey Rooney were still alive and allowed to play baseball at such an advanced age. Watch that hip, Mickey!” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Chance Billy would blatantly insult a grandparent: 100%. Chance Billy would know the difference between an upright and a grand piano: 0%.” –PetroDude

“That’s the 15th turnover for VT! How will they handle this? They’ve eaten all the apple ones, and the cherry ones are notorious for staining the uniforms!” –Peanut Gallery

“You’re a plugger if you can’t dress yourself anymore.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The only reason that the women of Hootin’ Holler would waste valuable bread by tossing it to ducks would be to lure them close enough for the women to grab them, wring their necks, and take them home to serve for supper. Today’s strip can be read to mean that for tonight’s supper the Smiths sadly will have no bread to eat, but on the positive side they will finally get enough fiber.” –seismic-2

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first: If you’re in LA on February 10, you can get some more laffs from me, live and in person! That’s because my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, back on its new day (the second Friday of the month) and a new time (8:30 pm) but the same place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz) and the same shtick (jokes about the Internet). Here’s the Facebook event!

And now … your comment … of the week!

“Let’s say, and why not, that you need to calm an excitable Sunday lunch crowd at the local senior center. Gasoline Alley shows you the way: get them started on regional dialects, and you’ll have them distracted right up to tri-ominos time. 10/10 reader service, Gasoline Alley, no notes.” –pastordan

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I dunno about this being very un-menacing; burying a member of her household who her father wouldn’t is why Antigone was executed, after all.” –Tom

“The most significant feature for determining the location of Gasoline Alley is looking at the range of the black bear in America which is fairly limited. Given the bear has heard southerners say ‘bed’ we can further limit the possibilities to the contiguous areas of black bear habitat that reach into the American south. Assuming this bear hasn’t crossed up through Canada, that pretty much limits it to an eastern inland corridor between New England and the south. Northern West Virginia, Pennsylvania, or New York. Now, having done all this work and research we reach the inevitable follow up question: what is wrong with me?” –BananaSam

“‘When suddenly…’ in Judge Parker? Nope. I don’t believe it. –Where’s Rocky?

“Good idea! Once most of your athletes are out for the season with back and leg injuries you’ll save a lot of money on uniforms and transport.” –TheDiva

“I’m not sure how snowmen make ‘homemade ice,’ but the one on the right seems to be squatting.” –nescio

“Crock is right! In this alternate universe in which the Algerian war lasted well into the 2020s, France needs her soldiers not just to impose colonial dominance through the bayonets, but also to justify it to world through sick dances on TikTok!” –Ettorre

“They’re taking great care of her at the hospital! I mean, I assume. Is St Joseph’s in network with your provider? Well, let’s say adequate care, then.” –pugfuggly

“Order up, because you just got a job, like I was just talking about! I have the power to influence time and space, yet I still think vaping and smoking are the same deal!” –made of wince

“So Estelle doesn’t realize she’s committing the worst sin of First Date Etiquette by going on endlessly about her ex. Did she forget to renew her subscription to Cosmo? This is rookie-level.” –jp

“The Hayes Code and the Comics Code Authority probably give Gil Thorp wedgies because its ‘criminals’ are so milquetoast. ‘A pinch of grit is okay,’ they tell the strip as they hold its head in the toilet and flush. ‘You can depict actual crimes!’ they yell, shoving the comic into a locker.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“(A plugger gesturing towards the edge of reality) OH FOR PETE’S SAKE (A plugger will often exclaim this, even though he has no idea who Pete is. His universe is only a small box, containing nothing but himself and a featureless lavender void.)” –Dan

“In retrospect, that was an obviously unprofessional and pointless thing to do, and the general is fully justified to be upset with me. Look, I’m running out of ideas for reasons to keep appearing on Wednesdays, and unlike that little infant creature in Hi & Lois I can’t get by talking about the weather every single week.” –jroggs

“Perhaps ‘Comic Sans’ is looked upon by true comic purists the same way AI generated art is, a shortcut that costs traditional hand-lettering artists their jobs, thus it should not be spoken.” –Philip

“He said I’d embarrassed him in front of the entire command structure, and that he was now a laughing stock at the Pentagon and PERSCOM, not to mention at Corps and Division HQ. He said that my tits would only take me so far, and that this was it, I could walk my cute ass right out. Of course, I had my phone recording the whole thing, so I’m taking early retirement with a cool two million in my pocket from the harassment settlement. Play your cards right, Blips, and the old fool will say something that gets you bumped up to Captain and transferred to CENTCOM down in Tampa.” –Voshkod

“Hey film crew, there is LITERALLY A TALKING BEAR just right behind you. He uses actual speech balloons and everything, go nuts!” –The Otter Limits

“Holy crap! Actual action payoff to a storyline in Judge Parker! I never thought I’d see it! And to think, it only took almost a year’s worth of strips to get to our thrilling climax of Sophie instantly destroying the unstoppable meth empire by beating a helpless old man to death.” –ectojazzmage

“Didn’t Cookie used to be a chain smoker before the days of content warnings on everything? It seems like today’s strip would be an ideal way to reference that. ‘Now that I can’t taste anything, I’ve got back to the unfiltered Pall-Malls. That hit of tar and nicotine is a pale replacement for food, which I only vaguely remember tasting as a teenager.’” –Larry McAwful

“That’s how I won the match in Paris. I won it so decisively, they named a magazine after it! You’ll love the celebrity lifestyle features.” –Peanut Gallery

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Your COTW coming in a moment, but first … have you ever dreamed of hearing my voice making jokes on some sort of broadcast for your iPod? Well, I was a guest on not one but two podcasts released this week! First: did you know that back in the ’70s and ’80s, there was a Star Wars newspaper comic strip, not unlike the late lamented Spider-Man newspaper comic strip? Trust me, there was, and it was amazing, and I discussed one storyline on the Marvel Star Wars Explorers podcast. If you’ve spent the years being subject to all my comics opinions thinking to yourself, “Gee, I wonder if Josh has Star Wars opinions as well,” this is your chance to find out!

I also got to be a guest on the delightful MeatCast, a podcast dedicated to our favorite non-lasagna-focused orange comics cat, Heathcliff. Download this week’s episode from Apple or Spotify to hear me emerge semi-triumphant on the HeathQuiz, and also discuss serious questions like why Heathcliff is nude all the time and where he was on 1/6/21.

And now, let’s move on to your comment … of the week!

“Though her face was the picture of innocent contentment, inwardly Dolly raged: ‘Foolish crone!’ she thought, ‘Does she think I offer my loyalty willy nilly? Are the billions daily served as nothing to her? Is she blind to those gleaming, golden arches through which the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of the teeming shore may pass to bliss and plenty? Truly, there is but one true Founding Father, and his name is Ray Kroc. This isn’t just America: This is McDonald’s America! I am bound to honor my elders, but one day, one not so distant day, Grandma will go the way of last month’s Happy Meal toys, and believe me, I’ll be lovin’ it. Ba da ba ba ba.’” –Urlance Woolsbane

Your runners up are also very funny!

“Henry could listen to spoken directions from his GPS, just like virtually everyone else in the world. But he keeps it in his pocket on ‘vibrate,’ due to a weird sex game he’s playing with his very hot, very bored wife.” –BigTed

“Today’s Shoe asks ‘What would Boris Johnson look like if he was a bird? And also he committed a series of crimes so severe he got 68 years in jail?’” –Schroduck

“I’m almost certain that the last panel is Billy just giving up on learning to read and instead just imagining a chaotic mix of characters and events as he stares blankly into the pages. He’s lucky: Jeffy doesn’t have the mental capacity to do even that.” –pugfuggly

“I can almost hear the teacher gasp in pain with every word, as her entire waistline has somehow been squeezed into a small dog collar she’s using for a belt. ‘Learn How to Read Before I Pass Out,’ is what the sign should say. Or maybe ‘Somebody Call 911.'” –made of wince

“Only $1.50 for a hot dog in New York City? Yeah, it’s made of people.”–nescio

“‘Do I vape? I’ve got at least two Vapes in my deck here. Three red, two black mana, does 4 damage but double that to air-types, but if I use it, I might get the addicted status which means if I don’t keep playing it, I start taking damage. I mean, it’s a dangerous card, but not as dangerous as actually vaping.’ –Lines from Vaping Madness, a short-lived PSA that aired on Local 58.” –Voshkod

“Might as well strangle her with your bowtie, Art. That is hilariously not a real gun.” –jroggs

“Dr. Ed will soon learn that the Pomeranian he failed to help was actually a social media star with millions of followers on TikTok. Dr. Ed can handle his malpractice insurance being canceled again, but he’s not ready to be canceled by social media.” –Philip

“The conversation really grinds to a halt when the Doc’s plate of severed fingers arrives.” –Hibbleton

“It really doesn’t matter how that guy’s name is spelled or pronounced, because at some point he’s going to join a rival gang. He’ll be Kryptonite, Blood tomorrow.” –Dave in Pittsburgh

“That is the proud stride of a man who knows he is the great genius, Art Dekko.” –Dan

“In a giant step for women’s rights, thirty years ago Blondie was given a job outside the house! Today another giant step: she is given a new facial expression!” –Ettorre

“My cat named Odin is pretty laid-back, my cat and dog get along with everyone, didn’t have polyamory on my Mary Worth bingo card but here we go I guess.” –Stop Motion Cyclops

“Well, if you wanna get laid-backed, Dr. Ed, there have got to be better ways to do it than drinking 6 ounces of vodka, neat, from a wine glass. Like tranquilizers! Surely you’ve got some ketamine back at the office, no?” –Effluvius Erratus

“They accidentally printed the unseen ‘missing panel’ of every Crock installment ever.” –Just John

“OK, Grandma, here’s your cue to start waxing nostalgic over the ‘good old days.’ Tell Dolly how a Big Mac cost 55¢ when they first came out. Don’t mention that minimum wage was only $1.25 an hour.” –Guillermo el chiclero

“Mr. Wilson has internalized Dennis’s menace to the extent that it rules his life even when Dennis is nowhere to be seen. This is the highest level of menace. I think that’s from Foucault.” –matt w

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!