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Once again, picking a comment of the week was really tough this week, and while I couldn’t resist another opportunity to link to that ludicrous bear picture, I wanted to acknowledge some quotes that had me guffawing over the past few days.

“I’d like to see a ‘plugger’s wife’ defending her cubs by mauling some extras from Mark Trail. Now that would be comedy. ‘You know you’re a plugger when … your wife completely dismembers random passers-by who get too close to the kids!’ On second thought, that’s not quite depressing enough for a Pluggers panel.” — Darth Paradox

“What was the idea submitted for today’s TDIET? ‘People with cell phones are annoying’? I’m going to send one in re: sometimes people get in the grocery store express check-out with more then 15 items. That ought to rock his world.” –Summerhouse

“But this, of course, is A3G, where the unending theme is the impossibility of happiness, even fleetingly.” –Craigers

“When you die and go to your judgment, and are let into heaven not because you did good, but because a paranoid conscience was your iron master, then you spent your life in Apartment 3-G.” –tefflan

“Is it possible for three people to say something in unison … anything at all … and have it not be laugh-out-loud funny? Imagine the three most serious and important people you can. Say, Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis, Henry David Thoreau, and Nelson Mandela. And they all look at you and say, together… YOU BETTER NOT! I have to admit, I’d laugh. A lot.” –Edward

“‘Devil, What do you think?’ Um, I THINK I’M A FREAKING DOG, Ghost-who-apparently-isn’t-the-brains-in-this-operation. And if it were up to me, we’d be back on the dock, warm and dry with snausages all around.” –SmartPeopleOnIce

“Anthony has got to be either gay, or a Methodist youth minister, or both.” –CBrachyrhynchos

“Here’s an informal challenge: Find me a Pluggers strip that can’t be captioned, ‘You’re a plugger if your abject poverty is slowly destroying your body and sapping your very will to live.'” –Christopher

“I hate Spider-Man with all the hatred I can muster, and that’s a lot.” –bootsybooks

“I feel very strongly that Blondie would have appealed to a younger demographic if, instead of ‘pro-pimiento,’ the phrase ‘pimiento-pimping’ had been used.” –saint ruby

On Ian and Toby Cameron’s sex life: “I see her sprawled naked across the bed like a swastika and him upright on the Persian rug beside it so that he can have sex in his most comfortable position: standing and lecturing.” –Dingo

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I reproduce the following e-mail and attached photos from faithful reader Jonathan Ahl, because they are hilarious enough that I feel no need to add to them.

Mr. Curmudgeon:

Thought you might like to know four of your fans decided to use Finger Quotin’ Margo as the inspiration and a team name during a competitive Scrabble tournament.

We attended a National Scrabble Association tournament in Indianapolis this past weekend, and decided to enter the team portion of the competition fueled by our love for making fun of Apartment 3-G and other funnies.

Attached are two pictures. From left to right in each photo, Dave Dahl of Peoria, IL; Jonathan Ahl of Dunlap, IL; and Wendy and Matthew Ridout of Lexington, KY.

I am proud to report the “Finger Quotin’ Margos” won the team competition, and all four of its members placed very well in the individual contests. The prize money for the team competition was almost enough to cover the cost of the shirts.

As for why we did so well, some say it was the “Motivation” of the team members while others credited the “Dedication” of the players. I think it was the “Pillow Case Full of Doorknobs” I as team captain kept in my trunk, just in case any of the team members “lost focus” on the goal of winning. I figured that would work better than an “intervention.”

If you want to blow the minds of squares at the Scrabble tourneys in your neck of the woods, then you’re going to need to buy some of these.

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It was particularly hard to choose one Comment Of The Week this week, so, apropos of nothing, I thought I’d share the other comments that were on my short list for the week of 9/3-9/10:

“Marty’s slow descent into alcoholism will continue until nothing is left but a goatee-stained puddle of regrets.” –dan b

“When Jon Arbuckle and April Patterson have better love lives than I do, is it time to kill myself?” –ben

“Don’t interventions usually feature your friends and family and not just a bunch of vague acquaintances? ‘Um, hello Mr. Kelrast, I haven’t met you before, but I’d like to tell you to stop … help me out Mary, is he a wino or a junkie or both? He’s a sex addict? That’s it, I’m leaving.'” –Hysterical Woman

“By the way, Dick Tracy characters don’t have sex. Ever. That’s all anyone needs, or should want, to know.” –Junior Tracy

“I am going to stop getting the news paper … period. FBOFW looks so much better on the internet than in the bathroom. I know I can get the internet in the john if I hold my laptop just right.” –comic femme

“To me, an intervention by people you hardly know could also be called an ambush. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” –Heckler123

“What I want to know, is who exactly is in charge of the styling of the male contingent of the Mary Worth cast? Whereas Mary and her female friends are always smartly turned out, the menfolk seem to have gotten the short end of the stick vis-a-vis the attentions of the Wardrobe Department, MW Enterprises Incorporated. Just look at this sad tableau. We have Wilbur (the Combover King) Weston complete in his stylish salmon colored slacks and Wendy’s Frycook shirt (which bizarrely complements Aldo’s get-up, but that’s another story), Aldo ‘free mustache rides’ McBowl-i-cutty about whose sartorial choices comments aplenty have already been made, and as for Ian? Well, all I can say is that if he’d grow that damn mustache out for a change, there’d be that much less of his pasty face there that I’d have to look at. And he really shouldn’t dye his eyebrows like that. Ian, sweetie, EVERYBODY know you’re brows have gone gray. Just accept it, mmmkay? And let’s not even talk about that horrible horrible green jacket.” –Fred P.

“Funky Winkerbean: God, even when the strip shows teenage boys talking about hot cheerleaders, they look depressed. I hope tomorrow we get back to the more upbeat story arc about dying of cancer.” –Von Zeppelin

“That Ted sure knows how to show a girl a good time. ‘Check out the fire escape.’ ‘Wait, it gets better. Beer!’ What are they, 15 years old?” –BigJoe

“Cathy is like an existentialist nightmare, not quite like Sartre’s notion of ‘hell is other people,’ but more like ‘hell is one other person who tells you the same joke over and over again for the whole of existence.'” –Craigers

“I love Beetle Bailey. There, I said it. Beetle Bailey is out there every day reminding kids that those recruiting commercials are nothing but lies. Even if you don’t get sent overseas, sergeants are going to beat the crap out of you and pretty girls will be just out of your reach.” –MaryAnnTheRest

“The Family Circus is ALWAYS insane. This strip contributed the most to my life decision to remain childless.” –AppleGirl

I should take this opportunity to point out that, with most posts routinely getting 100+ comments, and many of those hilarious, my picks are as always arbitrary. A comment is more likely to be picked for COTW if it is pithy and stands on its own, rather than being part of a back-and-forth conversation — not to say that other comments aren’t funny, just that they don’t work as well in isolation on the top of the page.

Speaking of comments, I have a word of advice for those who find their comments getting trapped in my spam filters. One of the ways that the spam filter recognizes a comment as spam is if it is posted very quickly after the reader loads the page. This may be the case for you if you’ve already read the main post and are just responding to other comments. My advice is that waiting a little bit (even 15 seconds or so) before hitting the “Say it” button might prevent some hassle. Unfortunately, once the system really decides you’re a spammer, it can be hard to convince it otherwise. For those of you who feel that you are forever on the blacklist, please shoot me an e-mail right after you try posting something and I should be able to manually save you.

I end this rambly metapost with a couple of fun pictures. Faithful reader rodent took his wife and his Finger-Quotin’ Margo t-shirt out for a motorcycle ride over Labor Day weekend:

“At first my wife was a little ‘jealous,’ but I convinced her Margo meant ‘nothing’ to me,” he says.

Finally, a faithful reader (whose name I have misplaced! If this is you, please let me know so I can give you credit!) sent me this horrifying photo from an Alabama newspaper. Apparently Molly the tongue-kissing bear is no fantasy, but all too real:

Update: This came from faithful reader Bookworm, who I don’t want to know how he found out about it.

Update 2: Bookworm is a lady! Sorry to imply otherwise!