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It’s the most blessed time of the month: First Friday! The Internet Read Aloud is back on stage at its new time, TONIGHT, Friday May 6, at 7 pm in Los Angeles! This month starring Katie McVay, Gena B Jones, and Kylie Brakeman!

We’re at The Clubhouse in Los Angeles and the show is free! Be vaxxed, masked, and emotionally available! Here is the Facebook event!

But that’s for the evening. Today, during the day ….. we comment of the week.

“Ian never realized that Helen carried a torch for him for so many years … Anyway, she talked to him and that did the trick … Now she never wants to hear from him again! Problem solved!” –Thelonious_Nick

And we runners up as well!

“Wait, who’s the plugger here? Is Henrietta Beak not a plugger now? Do we have to remember who Mr. Beak is? Do we have to deduce things about a character who is not shown? Because let me tell you, Pluggers readers don’t roll like that. Pluggers barely have object permanence!” –matt w

“Good news: the Brisk Iced Tea sponsorship deal came through! Now we just need to namedrop their brand as many times as we can, but we also need to be subtle about it.” –Westing1992

“Helen’s face in the next-to-last panel is, and I’m saying this without any kind of irony, the best drawing ever put down in Mary Worth, and I encourage everyone to zoom in on it. She looks like the protagonist of a magical girl anime right after being reminded there’s a test today, just this frozen moment of cartoonish terror right before comical jets of tears start shooting from her eyes as she screams about life’s unfairness, which yes, is a perfectly reasonable reaction to have when you have to go snuggle Ian in the next panel.” –Dan

“So the Lowell Observatory hires people who are shaky on how (or even if) telescopes work. Good to know.” –Joe Blevins

“I don’t care for this remake of Don’t Look Up. Or possibly Melancholia.” –made of wince

“The quotes are gone around Onion’s name, which in the Curtis world means his parents had it legally changed.” –Trofe

“Looks like Beetle has discovered induced demand: see, it doesn’t matter how big you make that screen, more unwashed humanity is simply going to roll in and block your view. Ugh, people.” –pugfuggly

“It’s good to know that not a penny of the massively bloated US defense budget is being wasted on chairs for enlisted soldiers to relax at the end of the day.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Toby & Cal & Helen & Ian is the remake of Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice that nobody wants, so of course it is what we are getting. We’re all being punished for wanting Wilbur dead.” –Malaclypse

“Holy crap, today’s Mary Worth drops a massive hint about the worldbuilding at play. Ian taught in Franklin, the State of Franklin, which in our timeline was an unrecognized area of eastern Tennessee that petitioned and failed to become the 14th state of the Union! But in Mary World, Franklin obviously was recognized as a state! Maybe Ian taught at the University of Franklin in the capital city of Greeneville (go fighting Crocketts! (named after Gov. David ‘Davy’ Crockett, who founded the school)). Maybe Franklin became a Unionist bone in the Confederate craw during the Civil War, leading to a quick Union victory and substantial and prolonged Reconstruction which (bear with me here) eliminated the NeoConfederate resurgence, which means the African-American Great Migration to the North and West wasn’t as sustained, which explains, finally, why there are only white people in Mary Worth! The mind boggles.” –Voshkod

“Shoe is a Nietzschean universe in which God is dead but its inhabitants are full of joy and merriment. Truly if you gaze into the googly eyes of horrors, the googly eyes of horror gaze also into you!” –Ettorre

“Hi and Lois guide to comic strip creation: 1. Take a perfectly ordinary conversation. 2. Illustrate it as if there’s a joke. 3. Tee time!” –Rube

“Hi Flagston has good reason to look so concerned about Chip going to the movies. The Batman photo in the paper reveals that he lives in the suburbs of Gotham. About 25 years ago, a very wealthy couple were violently gunned down in full view of their only child after leaving a movie theater. If the protected classes can’t go to the movies safely, then none of us can.” –Dave in Pittsburgh

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, it’s coming! It’s happening! The Internet Read Aloud is back on stage at its new time, ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT, Friday May 6 at 7 pm in Los Angeles! This month starring Katie McVay, Gena B Jones, and Kylie Brakeman!

We’re at The Clubhouse in Los Angeles and the show is free! Be vaxxed, masked, and emotionally available! Here is the Facebook event!

And here, meanwhile, is your comment of the week!

“Dithers is wearing yellow pants in solidarity with the French gilets jaunes movement, in the highly-topical-but-also-garbled fashion that Blondie fans know and … love? That doesn’t sound right.” –Jack Brounstein

Your runners up: also very funny!

“Ian has no idea who Helen Moss is. It’s purely coincidental that at the exact moment Toby mentioned her name, he had his epiphany: The potholder and oven mitt should be hung up by the oven or at least in a drawer by the oven! ‘And … and the towel … should be hanging by the sink!’ Ian thinks to himself madly: ‘Yes, a towel! Ian, you mad genius, you’ve done it again!’” –Carsick Yankee

“Making Coffeehead drink the slop they call coffee down at Police Headquarters is some serious level of warped Dick Tracy torture. He’ll confess to anything after one sip!” –JBoy

“The Street Sweeper’s biggest contribution to crime-fighting was actually encouraging more people to go out at night, reducing opportunities for muggers to isolate victims and driving business revenue upwards. Gradual improvements are too boring for Hollywood movies, but they are just fine for legacy strips.” –Ettorre

“I’ll stay in the shadows until I’m needed. These shadows, right here at the open end of the alleyway on a busy street, just casually wearing my costume and proudly holding aloft my symbol. I sure do hope nobody sees me and asks to buy the film rights to the Street Sweeper character for a very reasonable price!” –Schroduck

“Man, the dugout fence in Gil Thorp has sure given us some fun times, hasn’t it? Clambake, and now scopophobic Anderson Cooper knock-off, and … well … hell, that’s at least two more fun times than anything else in Gil Thorp has given us.” –Voshkod

“I feel like we don’t talk enough about how Spark Plug’s (and Li’l Sparky’s) ever-present horse-blankets are clearly the result of the original artist realising that the alternative is figuring out how you actually draw a horse.” –Horace Broon

“Amazing that she and Ian managed to get a full-page spread in the yearbook. We’re they voted ‘most likely to drift apart after a torrid affair?’” –pugfuggly

“Yearbooks typically go to print before graduation, but Helen was so scholarly that she walked around campus in a cap and gown, which makes it all the more stinging that Ian ended up with a bimbo.” –jenna

“Matt, we’re cutting you loose. You tried to be a Dick Tracy villain, but your whole gimmick is ‘one sorta weird eye,’ it’s just not gonna cut it. And tell your pal that we didn’t think ‘enjoys a good cup of coffee’ was even worth dignifying with a one-on-one critique.” –Dan

“Do the math, Tonsils. If I pin the drug dealing charge on Coffeehead he gets two years in the pen, tops. But if I catch him red-handed standing over your bullet-riddled corpse with a smoking gun, I’ve got him for life.” –Guillermo el chiclero

“It was mild day in Santa Royale, like any other day, the kind of day that makes you forget all your problems, if you had problems, which you don’t because problems are for people renting 400ft² at $3k in Goleta. Name’s Cameron, PhD, and I’m about to have a problem–of the Title IX kind…” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“Ian tries to stare Helen down using techniques he learned from Professor Mesmer … or Dracula. I forget. Have we established if Ian is among the undead?” –Hibbleton

“Hey, Helen. Glad I found you. Is the dark lavender tie with the light lavender shirt too much? Toby said I couldn’t pull it off. Which reminds me: stop threatening her.” –Weaselboy

“Say what you will about their ethics, but I appreciate the fact that these two criminal scumbags keep profanities out of their conversation. It makes me think these two are redeemable. The bald one does say ‘ain’t,’ but we can work on that.” –Joe Blevins

“I love it when Gil Thorp breaks from its ‘Sports can help high school students gain confidence while learning teamwork and responsibility’ message to bring us ‘Some kids are bad at sports, and lose horribly while being miserable no matter how hard they try, with zero help from their non-existent coaches.’ It’s going to be heartwarming when this storyline ends with the team discovering Gregg is blind, followed by everyone pointing and laughing at Nomar for being suckier than a blind pitcher.” –Drew Funk

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Friends, it’s comment of the week time. That’s what’s happening right now. Here’s this week’s top comment:

“To our fans: We apologize sincerely for last week’s attempt to add action and plot development to our strip. We now understand what keeps true Rex-heads coming back day after day, and vow to continue bringing our biggest fans the content they crave: Buck Talking On the Phone.” –Drew Funk

And here’s your runners up. They’re very funny as you can see!

“Say, young lady, you ever heard of a movie called Weekend at Bernie’s? Because you’re going to wish your future husband had that much respect for you.” –Needless_Exposition

“Before I go … I just have to see the old high school again … Ah, just as I remember it! A functional but uninspiring building surrounded by dispirited young people! There’s one now! I think I’ll walk up to her and say some disturbingly vague things that’ll make her uncomfortable! Gee whiz, what a time travel adventure this is!” –Joe Blevins

“When Crankshaft says ‘420 blaze it,’ he’s referring to his most recent arson death toll.” –jroggs

“Well, if you didn’t think anybody was dressing up like comic book characters and patrolling the streets, then one guy doing it, sort of, with a broom, technically qualifies as ‘more so.’” –Effluvius Erratus

“Buck doesn’t have to ask which news story Rex is referring to. It’s the comic book one. It has to be the comic book one. There is literally no other reason Rex would text Buck.” –Ace

“Rex puts two ‘-‘s into his texts to indicate separate but related clauses instead of just one, or a comma, or nothing. You have to admire a man committed enough to pedantry that he’ll access the punctuation panel on his phone’s keyboard while texting his dumb friend about an idle thought he had while watching some stupid news story. This is what he went to med school for.” –Truckosaurus

“I like how it looks as though Ian is raising his glass for a little cheers to his wife’s infidelity. ‘You’ve taken on a young lover? How European. Santé!’” –pugfuggly

“The hot cocoa is what gets me. I hear ‘he was saved by an elderly couple,’ I think they pulled him out of the path of a speeding car or something. But this panel tells me that he went to their home and raided their wine gasoline cellar in full view of their blonde … roommate? niece? … and then decided to reject their help? Tonsils, buddy: drink the cocoa, take the money, and borrow your benefactor’s babushka as a disguise. You’re only making it harder on yourself.” –els

“Don’t make his mistake, Matt. It’s not too late to change your name to something stupidly obvious. Let’s see. Cowlick? Tsunami Hair? Giant Eye? The Monocle? You’d need a monocle for that one, of course.” –Voshkod

“Dustin’s dad’s favorite bit is shrugging and pointing to his ‘World’s Okayest Lawyer’ mug as his clients are dragged off to jail. He’s the office jokester, to be sure!” –jenna

“The true menace is Dennis boasting to the working-class-coded Gina about the privilege of his father’s white-collar job.” –matt w

“That is the lamest, most unrealistic depiction of a man shoveling snow that anyone has ever seen. With that kind of technique, Your Friendly Neighborhood Snow Removal Man is gonna freeze to death before he even finishes his own walk.” –Inspector Gotcha

“Greg Wilkins took the outdoor job for the smoke breaks. Priorities, man.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Toby, I’m going to teach you the basics of academia. The students are the enemy. Administration is the enemy. Your colleagues are the enemy. The founding bodies are the enemy. And yet you must go to bed with the enemy to do anything. So just apply to this job the experience from our marriage.” –Ettorre

“You know, Toby, on the continent the only proper way to eat posole is a la nez, as I’m doing here. Here you try it. Where are you going?” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Throwing up in the car while the DMV guy is going off on ‘rap’ music.” –propserdave, on Twitter

“You’re extremely comfortable with your laziness when you choose to sleep next to the edge of a cliff, unworried about rolling over in your sleep since that would involve a minimum of effort.” –nescio

“Kudos to Snuffy for actually protecting the Earth by sleeping on a large patch of what appears to be coal, or maybe he’s floating on an oil patch. Either way these fossil fuels aren’t going to be used for energy. Just the opposite, in fact.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Catch the size of that fridge in panel one! Even assuming Ian and Toby are short-statured, that thing’s wall-sized, enormous. What do they keep in it? Posole? Salmon loaf? The bitter remains of a love gone cold? Helen Moss’ frozen corpse? (Wine. It’s filled with gallon after gallon of Ian’s favorite boxed wine.)” –pastordan

“If this strip really wanted to shake things up they’d shave Ian’s beard and, I dunno, have him record a YouTube video called ‘It’s only natural for students to want to fuck their teachers’ to launch a Jordan Peterson-esque career arc.” –ArtOf Wargames, on Twitter

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!