“Ha, silly millennials, quitting their jobs because they find them uninspiring. No, the real way to do it is to never quit, and just double down on your napping and goofing off! Also, dress like an off-duty hearse driver. Not sure how that one helps, but don’t mess with the formula.” –pugfuggly
“There’s something haunting about Mary’s expression as Olive pulls her aside; her mouth is agape and her eyes are fixed ahead. It’s as if her soul has already left her body and begun its ascension, but Olive has unnaturally dragged it back to Earth. Once again, God’s Will that Mary Worth die in New York has been thwarted. But He will surely try again. Just as He has tried countless times to see Wilbur die at sea.” –Guts Dozier
“Dithers should ask the vending company to stock the machines with beverages fortified with vitamin D because it looks like everyone there has rickets.” –nescio
“Let’s say hypothetically, I was a criminal. And I ended up being arrested by a ventriloquist dummy wearing a enormous red bow-tie. The humiliation would prepare me for anything prison has to offer.” –The Rambling Otter
“At this point, I just want to see how long they can milk this. I want to see Roots Country Guy still sitting in the diner talking about not being some rando’s father in November.” –Banana Jr. 6000
“‘You had no idea Varla and Spuds were…?’ ‘None at all.’ ‘Despite the fact that Spuds wrote a whole thinly veiled album about it called I’m Cheating with Carla, Buck’s Estranged Wife, that you sang on, on a track titled Cuckold Blues?’ ‘The man had a way of hiding his crimes behind his art, what can I say?’” –Philip
“‘Horace thinks he’s funny but he ain’t‘: TFW you love the Carmen Saeculare but couldn’t care less for the Satires and Epodes.” –Ettorre
“Okay, so we can’t see his eyes, but we can see his navel? Things have certainly changed since the I Dream of Jeannie days.” –Pozzo
“If I wanted to hear a good joke I wouldn’t be reading Barney Google and Snuffy Smith. Give me the deadline-beating ‘This’ll do’ I’ve come to expect!” –Tabby Lavalamp
“When you’ve got an event called ‘The Meat Games’ with a blazing cauldron, flags celebrating various cuts of meat and thousands of cheering cats, you’d think Grandpa and Iggy would start wondering just why they were invited and what their role in all this is supposed to be.” –cheech wizard
“So of all the words in that last sentence the artist could have chosen to inform Widebody Redshirt’s mouth position, he went with ‘to.’ Huh. I mean, it’s fine, I guess, Baldy McYellow over there can speak every sentence while doing his best impression of a baleen whale, but for some reason I’m hung up on the guy on the right looking like he’s practicing his embouchure. (I guess that’s why the guy on the left lips up in panel 3; he’s just realized that this car that’s inexplicably flying through the air is not doing so to the movie theater, but to his buddy’s trumpet lesson. Hey, Haydn’s ‘Concerto in E-flat major’ ain’t gonna practice itself.)” –els
“You may think ‘the netherworld’ is one of Herb and Jamaal’s textbook nonspecificities, but in fact Herb is just a devout believer in Chinese traditional religion. He knows that after death, he’ll be condemned to Denghuo Diyu, Netherworld Court of King Chujiang, where he’ll be heated until he passes out, and then revived by an icy wind. Maybe if he practices in front of the fan, he can build an immunity.” –Schroduck
“I’d like to direct this plugger to the January 7, 2025, article in the New York Times titled ‘Is Peeing Just in Case Bad for Your Bladder Health?’ The answer is yes, the practice of ‘convenient or proactive voiding’ can lead to an overactive bladder. Doctors recommend mindfulness, working with a pelvic floor therapist, and cutting back on caffeinated and alcoholic drinks as ways of preventing this. I mean, far be it from me to suggest a plugger should listen to doctors, or give up those three hours sitting in a diner drinking coffee every morning, or those three hours in the afternoon drinking beer in his recliner while watching the game — or, worse, that he should read the New York Times — in fact, never mind, just forget I said anything.” –BigTed
“‘Spuds?’ ‘Truck’? Boy that Varla chick sure did have some awful taste in men let me tell you, ha ha ha ha… [Wanda ponders on something] Hey wait a minute… [Wanda’s eyes go wide at the shock of the stunning revelation] Oh no!!” –2+2=7
“Mary needs to get involved here! Nothing will make Olive cooler than a haranguing old lady coming to her defense!” –A Grave Mind
“Mary Worth just taught me that I do not like it when characters in the strip voice what I’ve been thinking for the last week.” –matt w
“Jalapeno poppers … hot wings … spicy sushi rolls … doro wat … revuelto Gramajo … palusami … keubaibat hail … lutefisk … I’m a bit concerned this restaurant lacks focus, boy. I knew we shouldn’t have gone to Random Places, Random Plates.” –Voshkod
“…and from hilarious to introspective and from introspective to soul-crushing. When some of the guys started talking about a suicide pact, I figured I’d better go home.” –Weaselboy
“I’m not sure if the border agent’s interrogation is a sign of the chilly state of US-Canada relations, or an acknowledgement that ‘I came all this way for a CFL game’ sounds like a cover story, and an unconvincing one at that.” –TheDiva
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