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EVERYBODY! Next week, if you’re in LA, you should come to The Internet Read Aloud on, 10/7 at 7 pm, at the Clubhouse! It will be fun and you should not miss it. Here is the Facebook event!

This week, meanwhile, it’s the comment of the week!

“Film is so luminous … like Crankshaft’s eyes in the dark. What is he, a raccoon or something?” –Peanut Gallery

And your very funny runners up!

“I read that wrong and assumed that the cold cuts were what was clogging the sink in the first place, and he dug them out and was amazed at how much there was. That feels closer to an actual Blondie joke than what we were given.” –The Rambling Otter

“Film is so luminous … like Crankshaft’s eyes in the dark. What is he, a raccoon or something?” –Peanut Gallery

“I think we’re starting to see why the most recent owners of the Valentine weren’t successful. They tried to turn it into a strip club, but it was the kind of strip club that didn’t have a bar, or a stage, or erotic dancers, or anything a strip club typically has, and instead had theater seating, and a theater lobby, and film projectors, and instead of alcohol and sexy strippers they instead had popcorn and The Phantom Empire running on repeat.” –jroggs

“I also advise patients to brush after every meal, so I’m stopping home home to practice what I preach. I’ll be walking, so it might take a while. Don’t go anywhere.” –Inspector Gotcha

“Why not go for a swim? That ought to burn some calories, and the ocean is right there. Also, if I want medical advice I’ll go to Rex Morgan. Stay in your lane, Mary Worth.” –Anonymous (but not that one)

“So Henry just tears across meadows to get to wherever? And Dennis think he’s the menacing one?” –The Greathan

“For anyone who doubts Sam is actually a lawyer — or at least pretending to be one — today reveals he has the most important legal prop there is: a bookcase of monochromatic books. The tan ones could be any of the U.S. Reports series for Federal law. The blue and red books are probably subject-matter tomes (I have a row of blue ones for Search and Seizure and a row of red ones for National Security Investigations, for example). Now it’s possible he just bought them at an estate sale because he’d seen enough legal TV shows to know he needed rows of monochromatic books. But maybe he’s an actual bar certified lawyer, and in that case, may God help his clients.” –Voshkod

“Robbing a bank to build their spaceship seems a little dark, even for this strip.” –Where’s Rocky

“You can tell when someone is just throwing smart sounding words they vaguely know together to write a sesquipedalian character. They always try too hard. Like, I don’t care how many dictionaries you own, when you’re hopping on one leg because a piano ate your sock, you ain’t saying ‘betwixt.’” –jerp+jump

“Well of course time is their enemy! If it ever stops being 1986, Kaz is in trouble!” –2+2=7

“Jessica plans to rocket the gun from the dying planet Earth to Krypton, where it will grow to have powers far beyond that of mortal guns.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“Hi shows the high and low — pun full intended — of the middle-aged man’s libido. As his blonde wife extends her arms and presents herself to him, he insists that he has changed his mind about watching TV. But seeing her hideous orange sweater, he sourly notes there’s too much on and retreats to his sofa, his crushed desires sated by articles on the LIV and Rory’s amazing 2022.” –KMD

“‘I thought you were going to watch TV!’ Does Lois think you need to make an appointment or something? It’s OK, he can still turn it on at any time!” –pugfuggly

“I am kind of enjoying the picture of Siri as this fierce guardian of my accounts, rather than something that is capable of telling me the weather if she happens to recognize that I am asking.” –Rube

“Ho ho, just wandering my giant yard drinking coffee in the middle of the day, as you do. Ah, and there’s my neighbor, up to the exact same thing, simply wandering the boundaries of his property as he self-caffeinates. Perhaps a leisurely chat about his good-for-nothing son, who sat around all day doing nothing the whole summer. Can you imagine! Wherever would he get such an idea that that’s acceptable behavior!” –Thelonious_Nick

“For $18 a pop, Sam better be getting the entire police file, a key to the evidence room, and free use of a squad car on weekdays so he can play with the lights and siren.” –Inspector Gotcha

“You can see waitress Lila inwardly praying that Hank Jr. doesn’t have a grandson she’ll be contractually obligated to date someday.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“‘They’re the ones who choose the path they walk.’ Sounds like a setup for these two to stroll right off the end of the pier.” –cheech wizard

“When your bill says ‘pumpkin spice latte’ but your eyes say ‘4:20 blaze it, chickens.'” –pastordan

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks! Y’all know what time it is … actually, it’s time for two things, and the first is to remind you that if you’re in LA, you should come to The Internet Read Aloud in two weeks, 10/7 at 7 pm, at the Clubhouse! It will be fun and you should not miss it. Here is the Facebook event!

Oh, and it is of course ALSO time for the comment of the week. COTW y’all! Here it is:

“Have we ever seen a thought balloon in Funky Winkerbean before? I hope this isn’t a trend, because the last thing I need is insight into these characters’ inner lives.” –Pozzo

And here are your fun and cool runners up:

“With the vague throwaway panel, it’s almost as if we’re seeing the rest of the strip through Mary’s eyes as she checks in on her various ‘projects’ through the extensive Charterstone Video Monitoring System. Thank goodness she managed to get that nightcam vision camera in at Jared’s apartment in time!” –pugfuggly

“Does Abbey realize she doesn’t have to literally run for mayor?” –nescio

“I have people in my life who love me. Like my dad. The elderly woman who lives next door to my dad. And … I want to say Callie? Kathleen? The woman who eats while I talk about myself, we’re very close.” –Dan

“I would dearly love to know what criteria Wilbur is using to declare ‘I have everything going for me!’ I know his self-delusion runs deep, but it’s always fascinating to see how far down it goes.” –TheDiva

“In Jeff’s panel we get bananas. In Mary’s panel, we get pie. Following up on a week’s worth of Mary singing the praises of masturbation, Moy has given up on all attempts at subtlety. Tomorrow at the Bum Boat, Jeff slurps down a raw oyster while Mary bites into a lobster roll.” –Hibbleton

“Oh, Jeff! You showed up at just the right time! Of course I’ll have dinner with my favorite convenient narrative hinge tonight.” –pastordan

“Given Jenny’s large 100 lbs laptop, I suspect they’re actually starting an ‘I Heart the 2000’s’ collection. (Tommorow’s strip will be Marvin befouling a Juicy Couture tracksuit).” –2+2=7

“..and they say this guy is just one of the best plastic surgeons, and I no longer need look quite so much like an old-timey ventriloquist’s dummy. So that’s my story.” –made of wince

“This is pretty crafty by Lockhorns standards. The conflict is only implied, but it’s a brilliant stroke of passive aggression if we think about the events that must have preceded this phone call: Leroy put on the game and decided he was going to watch it and cheer for this team he doesn’t care about just to interfere with the dinner Loretta and Helen had probably been planning for at least a week.” –Amelie Wikström

“Given the release date of ‘Who Let The Dogs Out’, the vinyl copy he has there must be some 12″ dance mix of it, too. Really committed to the bit.” –stormsweeper

“Clearly the author has received complaints from professional assassins that they do not wish to be confused with sloppy amateur murderers.” –Anonymous (but not that one)

“I want to read the rest of the Perfesser’s review. Is it 500 words of self-pity? Did he actually make it to the escape room where he had to be let out when time was up because he just sat in a chair staring morosely at a wall or did he pass it on the way to the bar but the building looks nice enough to warrant calling it a ‘review’? I will buy a newspaper for the first time in years if it means getting the full article. Unless that was the full article and Shoe sighs because he knows he’s not going to get any more words from that sad sack.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘The local judge was assassinated. We want you to take his place.’ ‘Because you want to show those criminals that Justice can’t be intimidated?’ ‘Uh, yeah, that’s it.’” –But What Do I Know?

“Funky Winkerbean: The Strip Where ‘Don’t mention the autopsy photos!’ Is Not Just A Punchline, But Isn’t Even The Main Punchline™” –Schroduck

“Anyone who talks to God without using an ad-blocker and a VPN is a fool.” –Oregonian

“Ninety percent of a plugger’s ideation is emitted as heat.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Since the Lockhorns are floating in a lightly gradiented void with a non-Euclidean horrordesk, maybe the joke is that they died and are haunting the new owners of the house? It’d explain why they’re always so cranky.” –matt w

“If a plugger is going to die soon then he’s sure as hell going to take us all with him.” –Truckosaurus

“Later, as it wallowed in a stew of eyeballs and matted blond hair, the brain had second thoughts.” –Voshkod

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks! Your COTW in a moment, but first: when I asked “who is Mel Gordon to Gil?” in my Thursday wrapup, I was failing my job as a Gil Thorp History Knower! I should always assume that when someone Gil knows shows up in the strip, they’re from a storyline from the past — in this case, a storyline from 2002, as outlined in by the folks at This Week In Milford, who are truly doing the work. This was before I was reading the strip, which is my excuse, but it’s actually one of the more famous storylines in the strip’s history! This was towards the end of the writing run of Jerry Jenkins — yes, the guy who wrote the Left Behind novels, who preceded the recently retired Neal Rubin — and was controversial because, among other reasons, it featured Gil convincing Melissa to not have the abortion she wanted. Later the pregnant teen girl tried and failed to seduce Gil, which, uhhhhh, and then we never heard from her again.

Anyway! This seemed to add up to new writer Henry Barajas retconning things by flipping the script on Gil’s teen abortion opinion, but as faithful reader/This Week In Milford co-curator Ned Ryerson revealed in a comment on this blog, Barajas wrote Gil saying “Mel, I shouldn’t have told you not to get an abortion” and something went screwy during the publishing process! Oops! It will be interesting to see how this gets resolved, or whether the cleansing bonfire will make us forget all about it.

OK! With that business out of the way, here is your comment … of the week!

“It only takes one look at this furniture salesman, with his sporty purple shirt and green tie bought together in a plastic box set in the young men’s section at Kohl’s, to realize he doesn’t get paid enough for this shit. Not to participate in family drama, not to sell sad, outdated furniture (also purple), and frankly, not enough even to appear in this strip. Say what you will about the ‘millennial’ Dustin, but weep for Gen Z, who only wanted to get Invisalign and get on with their lives.” –pastordan

And your very funny runners up!

“I can’t imagine a more Worthian piece of advice than ‘The people with whom we have relationships are just abstractions that help us learn more about ourselves.’ Some great chicken soup for the sociopath’s soul.” –pugfuggly

“This is why Cromwell and the Puritans won at the start of the English Civil War: They quickly and effectively dispersed their anti monarchy propaganda that made people throw up in their mouths a little. King Charles III needs to quickly squash the rabid republicanism of Pardon My Planet.” –KMD

“‘What’s so funny?’ Nothing, Sarge. This is Beetle Bailey where nothing has been funny for years.” –Danielakiiki

“I still think he could get a gig as a cereal mascot.” –Pozzo

“Give it up, Mary. no matter how hard you try it’ll never be called ‘Marysplaining.’ It’s a man’s world.” –Hibbleton

“‘Each of us makes our own decisions and experiences our life journeys on individual paths. But if that sounds hard, have you considered Dianetics? If we hurry, we could get downtown to get you tested on an e-meter. Once we know your level of thetan contamination, we can just tell you your path. Have you considered a billion years of service in SeaOrg? You like boats, right?” –Voshkod

“Sure, today’s Dustin is terrible, but it’s still less awful than my first reading, which is that Dustin’s dad wants a couch that won’t stain if he gets jizz on it.” –Schroduck

“As far as I can recall, this strip made no mention at all of work from home during the height of the lockdowns. That it’s getting around to mentioning it two and a half years in … is actually way sooner than I would have expected.” –Rube

“Dustin’s dad is totally going to fill their home with hostile architecture, isn’t he? Once Dustin sees the concrete couch with spikes he’ll have no choice but to be exactly the same person but somewhere else.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Oh geez, if Rex Morgan is going to hop around its ongoing plotlines and characters until it finds something interesting, it’s going to start flailing like a plugger on a roller skate. Let’s give the old RMMD story wheel a spin, eh? Who knows where it will land — Old people on a road trip? Rex looking pissy? Untalented cartoonist stealing story ideas from a kid? Old people watching TV? Rex looking pissy? Janitor with a mysterious rotator cuff injury? Rex looking pissy? Old people making unhealthy choices at lunchtime? Rex looking pissy? Rex looking pissy? Rex looking pissy?” –Thelonious_Nick

“Look, man, if you’re a plugger, there’s a 99% chance you weren’t even supposed to have opposable thumbs, so keep your expectations realistic.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“You can’t tell me what to do with my body! The only body you’re allowed to control is your own! And I guess the bodies of the athletes you pump with steroids.” –Ettorre

“Can’t we set up some sort of exchange where Gil Thorp gives half its new plots to Rex Morgan? Rex desperately needs them and Gil can’t possibly use all the ones they’ve started.” –Peanut Gallery

“Lukey, sometimes I worry about the state of my marriage. The thrill seems to finally be abating. It seems like nothing I do surprises Loweezy anymore. If I steal someone’s chicken, she sees it coming. Every time I get arrested, she just shrugs it off. She just laughs, and although it’s as attractive as it’s ever been, I’ve begun to sense there’s something jaded about it. It’s like she doesn’t care. Let’s destroy the mule’s back.” –made of wince

“‘As Wilbur confides in his goldfish…’ is right up there with ‘Call me Ishmael.’ Unless you keep reading.” –Charterstoned

“You know it’s a slow, slow week in the Entertainment section when they’re not only featuring a play about the history of comics but dedicating 2/3 of the first page to its headline.” –jroggs

“How many times do we think Dawn’s had to race to the pet store and buy replacement fish before Wilbur notices? 11?” –Truckosaurus

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!