“I love how Harry’s expression changes between the first and final panels. ‘Jello shooters? I don’t know if a school organization should be promoting alcohol and — was that a pun? Ha ha, you sons of bitches, I’m in!’” –pugfuggly

“Oh, Wilbur. You’ll never understand people. Or animals. You suck!” –matt w

“Poor Thel! She can dream about a construction worker with a jackhammer and it has nothing to do with sex!” –Joe Blevins

“I hope this leads to a remake of ‘the boy who cried wolf’ where Wilbur actually dies but nobody believes it and they don’t even go to the funeral.” –Ronconi Riccardo, on Twitter

“‘I’m sure glad I’m on your staff!’ won the Least Erotic Dialogue award at the AVNs last year.” –nescio

“Even if Wilbur didn’t call, wouldn’t somebody who worked at the resort call the cruise line? ‘Hey, a disheveled guy in soaked clothes showed up here claiming he fell off one of our ships. Should we straighten out the liability or just quietly shoot him?’” –Alex Parker-Spencer-Driver

“I’ll keep you from driving off a clef! Unlike our mutual friend and colleague Bull Bushka, who very recently drove off a cliff and died! Haha!” –jroggs

“Snuffy and Loweezy evidently haven’t mastered fork protocol past the ‘use as weapon’ stage.” –Pozzo

“Even if Snuffy could afford dental care or had insurance, there’s no way he’s going to let a hoity toity fluoride-touting ‘expert’ stick a drill in his mouth. It’s highly likely he also whittled those dentures himself.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘This is a partial prospectus we have prepared for you to peruse!’ is not how Hollywood people talk. Our Mr. Wallet is clearly getting scammed by a couple of Paper Moon-era con artists, who will trick him into thinking a film is being made about his life. A year from now, they’ll get him to pay $60 for tickets, popcorn, and candy to see what will turn out actually to be that disappointing Bruce Willis action movie. (Yes, the effort-versus-payout ratio of the scam is quite low, but no one in this strip is exactly a genius.)” –BigTed

“Mary gaslighting Estelle again and again and again is the most on the nose, yet subtle, Groundhog Day reference on the comics pages today.” –Where’s Rocky?

“A key concept in Nietzsche is the eternal return, the idea that an Übermensch should embrace with joy the fact that life repeats identical to itself forever. This strip shows that if you are still wedded to Platonism and Christianity like Hi, you will never be happy. Embrace nihilism!” –Ettorre

“I’ll just say this, ladies: everybody thinks Wilbur is already dead. Throw him down a well and blame his ghost if anyone thinks they saw him after the cruise liner. It may not work, but at least in jail there won’t be Wilbur.” –jerp+jump

“I was going to crack wise about the unhealthy codependence of keeping awful Wilbur around so they can bond about how awful he is, and then I realized that I read this strip and am now commenting on it with other people. Estelles all, the lot of us.” –matt w

“Dawn Weston: Old enough to carry on affairs with older men to re-enact her deep rooted daddy issues, too young to drink during the day and suppress them.” –Needless_Exposition

“We all know what Rex is thinking: Do I bring a cross claim against Sarah to indemnify us? I mean, it was her fault after all, it’s my money, and she is a pain in the ass.” –Lawyerbob

“DustinDad specifies that he ‘ended up driving‘ to get the food. This gratuitous information for the benefit of the unseen audience tipped her off that she was expected to help him set up a joke. It’s distasteful, but it pays the bills!” –Peanut Gallery

“Nothing but wholesome tap water for our boy Dick, thank you. And no ice. Don’t forget, people in hell want ice water, which obviously means they were sinners when they were alive, which means ice is only for sinners. (The evilness of milk is self-evident.)” –made of wince

“We can only hope that Wilbur is not on one of those cruise ship private islands but on one of those rich person private islands where men are hunted for sport.” –Glod Glodsson

“This man woke up on a beach and immediately assumed that he’s Chuck Noland (Cast Away) and panicked that he will starve to death before taking a single step, let alone 100 FUCKING FEET to confirm that there are no other people around! Either he’s the stupidest man on Earth or he has a humiliation fetish that has to be satiated even if he thinks he’s by himself.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Of course Mary means ‘low quality’ when she says ‘poor.’” –nescio

“Seeing Dustin in uniform really brings home how utilitarian his character design is. Nothing wrong with that, I’m just saying I’m sure that exact cartoon figure walked me though creating a spreadsheet circa 1995.” –Schroduck

“Caring for Lisa’s birds in our own backyard? Where no one can see it? Come on, Summer, think. What’s the point in melodramatically honoring the kind nature of my dead wife without an audience?” –jroggs

“Truly, Mary Worth continues to outdo itself, as Mary spins from the grieving Dawn to the grieving Estelle, lost in the all-too-appropriately-colored sea of brown. Dance, dance, Mary! Dance in the mess you have created!” –pastordan

“Dustin, you blundering fool! That spider knew you were coming, and spent all night building a web that spelled out SOME MILLENNIAL.” –Peanut Gallery

“Wilbur’s going to Tom Sawyer his own funeral, hopefully just in time to see Ian sip a glass of wine and curtly declare, ‘Never cared for him.’” –Dan

“A birdfeeder filled by a man’s beloved dead wife — most boring ghost story ever, or best long-running gaslighting ever? Either way, Funky Winkerbean‘s answer will be sure to disappoint you.” –Voshkod

“Everyone’s thinking about Wilbur here, but is there a character in Mary Worth that could be turning up unannounced in Mary’s(?) apartment to greet three visibly weeping women with ‘Hey, Ladies!’ that would not be extremely funny? There really are no bad options.” –Liminal Space Battleship Yamato, on Twitter

“The best part is that apparently no television news outlet thought Wilbur’s survival from a plunge from a cruise ship only to wash up on an island against all odds was newsworthy. They were probably at first all excited about hearing this amazing tale of survival and thought, ‘What a lead story!’ Then they took one look at our hero and thought, ‘Nah.’” –Joe Momma

“I like how that branch disappears between the two panels, as if Roz’s lawyer is just out of frame, dismantling her restaurant to get his cut.” –pugfuggly

“‘What could be worse than getting unfriended over a baloney sandwich?” That’s not a rhetorical question, by the way. Dagwood literally doesn’t know any scenario worse than that because he has no actual problems.” Joe Blevins

“Thank God! Indeed, thank Yog-Sothoth, the All-in-One and One-in-All, the Opener of the Ways, who has brought Wilbur back to us through terrifying dimensions beyond the mere few that humans can comprehend! Indeed, a normal human would have been driven beyond sanity by the experience. Wilbur just asked if there were peanuts.” –RogerBW

“I imagine the world from Les’s perspective is like the scene where John Malkovich goes into his own head, except everyone is Lisa and says ‘Lisa’ repeatedly.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“We can still have hope that Wilbur washed up on the shores of Tokugawa Japan and is about to be executed by the Shogun in accordance with sakoku.” –nicole 2: the squeakquel, on Twitter

“Will I be able to follow 5WATS if I haven’t seen the first four?” –Mike Puterbaugh, on Twitter

“Hi Linda, remember your husband, whose death must have been traumatic for your family and produced a wound that will never heal? I need some of his stuff to solve a minor inconvenience.” –Ettorre

“Feel like if Bull was still alive he could have told them that a mouth guard protects your teeth; the helmet is for your head. Still, with the one character who ever picked up a football gone, I guess we can be grateful that Funky didn’t just staple a bunch of silver age comics to her head.” –Dan

“It’s impossible to match the improbability of ‘Wilbur washes ashore on a deserted island,’ but ‘Estelle’s Premium Oceanview Veranda stateroom is furnished with a cot dragged up from the brig’ makes a bold attempt and I appreciate the effort.” –TheDiva

“Mary Worth teasing us by showing fish food while revealing Wilbur wasn’t.” –Windier E. Megatons, on Twitter

“Wilbur is NOT Mary’s ‘friend and neighbor.’ He is her NEMESIS. She has been meddling on his behalf for almost 30 years now, and he’s STILL so dysfunctional that even Hell itself won’t take him!” –Mysterion

“Worst job in the Dick Tracyverse is naming consultant. ‘OK, let’s see what we have here. Metal band around brow, two metal discs instead of ears … Stereo Stan! It’s hip, the kids love their hi-fi sets, we can pretend the ears are speakers and … you hate it. Wait, wait, give me another shot. Tiara Teddy, because the brow band kind of … please put down the gun, sir. Well, tell me about yourself. Uh huh. Uh huh. Cars, eh? Headlight Head? No? Gus the Grille? No. Ah. Piston Puss. Yes, I see you like that. That’ll be twenty bucks. Like me on Facebook and recommend me to your friends!’” –Voshkod

“I like Rex’s very minimal attempt at making conversation. Kelly: ‘That sure turned out weird at the end.’ Rex: ‘Yeah, yeah. Life’s a rich tapestry. But anyway, getting back to this lawsuit…’” –Joe Blevins

“That desk being roughly the same height as the monitor is all that you really need to know about Leroy Lockhorn. Well, he’s also a sad, mean drunk, but let’s not lose focus: he’s a shrimp.” –pastordan

“The Lockfriend seems to be pretty bored with this home tour. Next up is the refrigerator. No doubt that’s where Leroy keeps his libido.” –Geogreg

“Wagon, hell — why did you fall off the ship?” –Pozzo

“Wilbur: ‘Maybe I can get a bite of Kate Winglet, hue hue hue.’ Narrator voice: ‘Wilbur died three weeks later, without ever remembering Kate Winslett’s real name.’” –Amelie Wikström

“I think I understand why Jenny and Jeff are somewhere that not only has no cell signal but also no FM or even AM stations in range. They’ve decided that Marvin is a lost cause, and it’s time to let the wolves have a shot at raising him. Hence the choice of music.” –Dmsilev

“Once upon a time, a plugger’s idea of ‘streaming content‘ would have been something like fly-fishing. But nowadays even the Real Americans are so jaded they can only feel happiness from listening in to their neighbors being arrested or found dead.” –jroggs

“And the award for ‘Most Boring Acid Flashback’ goes to…” –Artist formerly known as Ben