“I love the naivete of ‘I didn’t know that they even made shirts with that word on them.’ Michelle, t-shirt technology has progressed to the point where any word can be emblazoned on a shirt and therefore broadcast to the world. Isn’t that remarkable? What times we live in, huh?” –Joe Blevins

“Art houses. Ha. This baby is going straight to video. Literal video. It’s going to VHS tape. Beta, too. Not DVD, not Netflix, just tape. Dust off your VCR, if you even still have one. Be kind and rewind, suckers.” –made of wince

“‘Not to be a buzzkill or anything’ is such a bizarre phrase to read in Funky Winkerbean. It goes against the whole spirit of the enterprise. It would be like a Lockhorns panel where someone says, ‘I love you so much.’” –Vice President John Adams

“Based on Michelle’s reactions — and given that this is Rex Morgan we’re talking about — I’d guess that the ‘legal?’ cousin is putting a flyer in someone’s ‘USPS’-approved mailbox. The second cousin is wearing a T-shirt printed with ‘portzebie.’ The last cousin, of course, is a member of A Flock of Seagulls.” –Bill’s Tummy Brain

“The key to getting Greg, a character wholly defined by disdain for social media and hip hop, to accept social media and hip hop, is one panel of flattery. Tell him he’s handsome, he will betray literally everything he’s ever believed in for two panels of fleeting joy before the self-deprecating hatred of his own appearance kicks back in. Friggin’ bleak, Curtis.” –Dan

“It’s funny because usually ‘leave the past in the past’ refers to trauma, not friendships. Of course this is the Rexverse, where all emotions are just one same annoyance.” –pugfuggly

“The writers of Rex Morgan, M.D., are trying their hardest to make us like Buck. But I’m not sure ‘At least he is not as much of a loser as Jordan’ is the right route.” –Ettorre

“I see the editor/owner’s point. Heather would probably expect to be paid, whereas someone who’s already put in two years in the newsroom has been disabused of that notion.” –But What Do I Know?

“Well, you can have this floor lamp, since we obviously have no place to plug it in.” –Pozzo

“I like Libby. She says what we’re all thinking.” –Truckosaurus

“I don’t know what’s more implausible. That someone covering high school athletics for a local newspaper is an institution, much less an institution in 2021, or that you can achieve institution status while being perhaps, on the outside, 30 year old. I mean look at that chin, you could bounce quarters off that thing.” –Jerp+Jump

“Telling Les that you can’t imagine what he’s thinking right now: classic masochistic move.” –Weaselboy

“Wilbur’s just mad because he already peed on that spot to mark it as his favorite. He has to meet Libby’s challenge for dominance head on, but frankly I don’t think he has the will or the intelligence to win this.” –Evelyn Waughluigi, on Twitter

“Remarkable restraint by the writers of a comic about an elderly woman to hold out 83 years before doing a story involving cat urine.” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“It’s hard to get attention on the internet these days, but I think ‘Man’s mouth literally catches fire’ would go viral without needing a clickbait title.” –Schroduck

“The view of Dagwood eating chili in the video is the same as when the lunch counter appears as a location in other strips, which brings up a disturbing question: is Blondie found-footage?” –Blaueziege

“Okay, sure, Diet Smith could rule time and space like a tyrannical god and this could be Dick’s — indeed, humanity’s — only chance to stop him. On the other hand, maybe there’s someone with a weak chin and a weaker handshake committing a minor felony somewhere else! To the Dickmobile!” –jroggs

“How appropriate that Les and his latest victim are discussing cancer in Stage Five, a stage of cancer so virulent that it’s not even recognized by science. Stage Five, when all is cancer, when you are cancer, I am cancer, the world is cancer, the Moon is in Cancer.” –Voshkod

“I’m actually super-impressed with the couch. Yes, it’s drawn super-low and weird… but the cartoonist OWNS that by making the guy look super-uncomfortable with his knees drawn up high, and an awkward look on his face. It’s not that it’s a badly-drawn couch, it’s a well-drawn bad couch.” –RoofPig

“How is Mason Jarre not being sarcastic here? ‘Hi folks, I’m the star of a billion-dollar space action franchise, and I’m on my way to a bangin’ wrap party for some Lifetime Channel cancer porn I shot during my lunch breaks! And look who’s with me! The writer who gets the based on credit! Not even the actual screenwriter! I was going to show you the production assistant, but he’s working his other job at Starbucks.’” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Hmm. So if a nationally syndicated comic strip is acknowledging Instagram, that must mean it became irrelevant at least a year ago, maybe more. Sorry you had to find out this way, Instagram.” –Joe Blevins

“‘Mason Fans?’ Mason Fans?! JARRE HEADS” –Dan

“Oh, snap! I hope Bemidji’s social media team is ready for the flood of interest generated by this wild twist!” –Powers

“We’ve survived a fire and a plague making this movie! But we refused to take the hint that the Almighty did not want this movie to exist and we produced it anyway! May God have mercy of all our souls!” –Ettorre

“It really seems like Crankshaft wouldn’t be buying checks online. I picture him going to the bank bright and early instead, intent on paying for his new checks with one of the last of his old checks. Because banking online? That’s how they getcha.” –made of wince

“Wilbur, I would wager any amount of money that Kitney Houston over there is a– No, wait, that Whitney Mewston over there is a– NO WAIT HERE IT IS, that Dolly Purrton, thank God I got that out of my system, that Dolly Purrton over there is a better singer than you.” –els

“Investigate every possible cause or motivation behind the fire? He should start with the fire’s acting coach. ‘Okay, your motivation in this scene is that you really, really hate this B&B. The sheets were only 200 thread count, and the French toast was soggy.’” –Peanut Gallery

“So the presumably deep-pocketed mayor just accused them, without evidence, of being arsonists on live television. Sam and Abbey would sue, but that might lead to courtroom drama, and we all know a strip called Judge Parker can’t have any of that.” –Where’s Rocky?

“For once the weird empty aesthetic of this strip actually works in its favor, in that those two definitely look like they’re having messed-up hallucinations in a crack den.” –pugfuggly

“Obviously Wilbur deserves to die, but also, what kind of idiot thinks ‘This cat is making too much noise, I will lock it up in a room where it doesn’t want to be?’ Has he ever met a cat?” –matt+w

“Very unfortunate that this Crankshaft strip happened to go out the week Afghanistan fell, since any other week a guy cracking wise at scenes of death and devastation in a faraway land would presumably be in perfectly good taste.” –Schroduck

“Cats kill by going for the neck. Normally they try to break the spinal cord, but all Libby needs to do is tear through Wilbur’s larynx and she will have killed all his hopes and dreams.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“My only fear here is that Wilbur is going to learn a lesson at the end of all this. I don’t want him to learn a lesson. Like God hardening the pharaoh’s heart for the final plagues I want the fullness of justice to be brought down on him.” –BananaSam

“We are discounting the possibility that Mary’s ‘vegetables’ were just real roots of some remnant plants long dead in the gardens around her condo, and that Drew was just too polite to call her out on it. But that opens the possibility that the ‘roast lamb’ could also have been some available horrifying remnant, such as Saul’s dachshund.” –McManx

“This whole strip is a wonderful cavalcade of dopey facial expressions and gestures but for my money the best is Rex in that final panel. ‘Like ice cream?’ he says, holding up his hands like a fisherman telling a story. ‘I only know it by the shape of the box. It is incompatible with my Soylent diet…’” –pugfuggly

“This strip is very upsetting to me because I’d always thought of Joey as a character with no inner life whatsoever and no outstanding personality traits to speak of. He exists only to be a sidekick/accomplice to Dennis Mitchell. He’s a blank slate. His shirt literally has a big zero on it. Now, suddenly, Joey can’t sleep? Does this mean he has thoughts that keep him awake at night? Is he tortured by guilt over what he and Dennis have done over the decades?” –Joe Blevins

“Joey is five so if anyone asks him how old he is he says, ‘Time? I have transcended time. I swim in the infinite.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Leafblowers are the worst, most annoying thing to listen to, and I hate it every time my neighbors use one for simple tasks that could be accomplished by a rake or a broom. Seriously, who needs to blow the sidewalk? Anyway, these hellish devices cause so much disturbance and discomfort that I’m surprised that an established misanthrope like Crankshaft only owns one.” –Larry McAwful

“Mason has had Lisa’s body exhumed and discovered that it’s miraculously preserved! He’s already filed the paperwork with the Vatican and the lengthy process of canonisation is underway. The nominated second miracle is that time two women fought over Les.” –Truckosaurus

“Of course Jeff doesn’t understand romantic relationships. He hasn’t been in one for years.” –Inspector Gotcha

“You can’t post the same thing on all social media platforms — it must fit the style of the medium! First, you post the original video on Instagram, where it becomes a huge success. Then you remix the original video with some popular music for TikTok. Some months later, the video is uploaded to Facebook, for the joy of grandparents. Finally, it gets to Twitter, in the form of a 45-tweet thread on how videos are problematic (‘Turning entertainment into capitalistic consumption’), zoos are problematic (‘They educate children to accept carceral institutions for the sake of the inmates’), children are problematic (‘reproduction is offensive to people who don’t do sex too often’), and polar bears are problematic (‘not only are they white, but they culturally appropriated fur from brown and black bears!’)” –Ettorre

“‘Didn’t you go through something SIMILAR?’ says Mary as she sinks the needle into Drew’s neck. ‘It seems we’ll have to continue THE TREATMENTS until we can break this cycle of self-sabotage!’” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“Mommy and Daddy don’t worry about keeping the kids away from the edge at the Grand Canyon. They know Dead Grandpa will be there to catch them when they fall. At least, that’s the reasoning their lawyers will present in court when arguing for an insanity verdict.” –GeoGreg

“Based on their expressions, Dennis knows this is BS and Gina knows this is BS, but still they must go through this farce for their comic overlords. ‘Are you amused?!?’ their dying souls cry out.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I’m marveling at Grimm’s look of defeat and disappointment at the total lack of professionalism on the part of the veterinary staff. So intense is his feeling that’s it’s overcome the otherwise overwhelmingly horrific pain and madness of rabies itself. I mean, look at this poor dog! He knows he’s done for, he knows it’s his fault, and all he wants is the solace and comfort that is the lethal dose of barbiturates that can only be gotten from the very people fleeing him in panic.” –Effluvius Erratus

“There’s an impressive amount of patriarchy to unpack in just two panels of Beetle Bailey, but let’s start with the vacuum cleaner drawn based on a vague description by the artist’s secretary.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“Just promise me, Les. Promise me… that you won’t bury me in Ohio.” –jroggs

“Changing the aspect ratio for every shot is a bold visual choice. I hope they’re being more conservative with the audio mix, though, and optimizing it for airline headphones.” –Flipper