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Folks, your comment of the week in a moment, but first: you might remember that a few days ago Blondie made a joke about Blondie’s long-ago roommate, which prompted me to muse about the strip’s early history. Well, faithful reader Mantipath managed to find a relevant Blondie strip from that era, in which Dagwood is about to marry said roommate (named “Irma,” apparently), but hasn’t shown up at the church yet because he’s all doped up on ether.

Blondie, 2/1/32

Truly, the past is a different country! A different country where there comic strips were printed larger in the paper and so had art that was a lot more detailed, also. Be sure to click/tap the image to make it bigger!

Meanwhile, here in the present, specifically in this week, we have this week’s comment of the week!

“Once, on a visit to the world-famous San Diego Zoo, I got to witness an angry confrontation between two Galapagos tortoises. Their furious visages, scarred faces, and hyperextended necks are perfectly replicated by Ashlee and Shauna in panel one. I will take the presence of the accompanying guttural groaning and hilarious slow-motion posturing as a given.” –Vice President John Adams

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I’m just relieved the joke wasn’t ‘Crankshaft is constipated.’” –a.

“I assume Ed’s tortured expression is because ‘crashing a vehicle containing mailboxes’ isn’t actually his schtick at all. This metaphor is flawed!” –Horace Broon

“Do you think Jeffy will mindlessly try and pledge his allegiance to anything with stripes? Have we ever seen him at the zoo?” –WLP

“Shauna proves right away that she’s a bad girl by being smoking hot right in front of a no smoking sign. Rules? Hmph. Rules are for good girls who return stuff they stole the day before.” –Weaselboy

“Skyler reacts with horror as he realizes his dementia stricken uncle has forgotten they can fly.” –nescio

“Good art can communicate deeper meaning with subtle visual cues. For example, Drew and Ashlee have matching colored shirts and her earrings coordinate with his entire ensemble, which causes the viewer to subconsciously connect the two of them as an in sync unit, united against this new threat. Shauna’s clothes, on the other hand, clash garishly against the gentle pastels of her environment, matching only the bright ‘no’ symbol in the prominent ‘no smoking’ sign. Ashlee is clearly a good match for Drew and can change and mature as a result of his good influence (he is an ‘influencer,’ remember), while Shauna is just trouble. It’s brilliant foreshadowing by the colorist, who uses… [touches earpiece] …sorry, this just in: apparently all of the food in Santa Royale is… beige? All of it? Really? Okay, wow. Never mind. Forget I said anything.” –The+Silent+Penultimate+Panel

“An interesting commentary on how pervasive capitalism is, to the point where we are unable to imagine relations of affections outside the concept of hierarchical workplace discipline imposed by the relations of productions… Oh sorry, it’s 1950s Dennis the Menace! I mean, wives be nagging!” –Ettorre

“You just can’t do a Zoom pizzeria. Sure, with a webcam you can see the discomfort on their faces as they choke down their third slice of grease and sawdust cheese, but no microphone is good enough to hear their stomach churning, and without the olfactory component of pizza burps and pizza farts, what’s the point? And when they run off to the bathroom, clutching their stomachs in agony, you can’t hear unmentionable fluids pour into an overtaxed toilet, you can’t smell waves of sickening odors flowing out from under the bathroom door. And that, my friends, is what Montoni’s is all about. So we’re reopening, and may God have mercy on our souls” –Voshkod

“I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a reference to an actual ‘bubbly blonde beauty’ that actually did flirt with Dagwood way back in the strip’s original incarnation 90+ years ago, even if that couldn’t have possibly happened that way given the state of the strip today. Sorry Dagwood, there’s no statute of limitations on memories in legacy strips; you bear the brunt of memories from well before you were born, and only the declining state of newspapers will keep them from remaining relevant well after you die.” –Morgan Wick

“I’ve never been conventially ‘hot’ before but even I know ‘Can you take a look at this rash and also have sex with me in that medical supply closet?’ is a shitty way to try and get back together with an ex.” –DevOpsDad

“Dermatitis? It looks to me like lycanthropy. So of course Shauna broke Drew’s heart. How else could she eat it, if not by smashing the breastbone first? Didn’t they teach you any anatomy at all at that medical school you bought your diploma from?” –seismic-2

“Serious question: Do backwards-cap wearers age out of it by the time they become pluggers, or will we eventually have a backwards-cap-wearing Andy Bear rolling his eyes at whatever science-fiction headdress tomorrow’s youth will be wearing?” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“Are parents embarrassing? Does a bear shit on your posts?” –Pozzo

“The daily haul from the Periodical Bodega: $50. Cost of labor? $70. But sure I guess. Are the computers safe? I wrote that sentence without yawning so I’m impressed with myself. Scintillating stuff, Gil Thorp.” –Jerp+Jump

“I’ll be right over, babe, as soon as I finish this efficiency study. Can you imagine, that lazy cleaning crew insists that normal-sized mops are good enough!” –Peanut Gallery

“Normally the straight men in the comics have exaggerated reactions to the lamest of punchlines, but check out Dustin’s dad: absolutely no change in expression between panels one and three. Almost as if he isn’t paying attention at all. Hey asshole, if this stuff isn’t interesting to you what makes you think we’ll like it?” –pugfuggly

“Mr. Waverling plans to liquidate all of his assets and blow it all so that, being a cartoon poor person, he will have to wear a barrel instead of a suit. The idea of a mortician trying to fit him into a casket like that amuses him to no end.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Rosy-fingered dawn is here, and she’s brought the comment fo the week!

“Diane is cosplaying and posing for no one in particular, and the boys are backlit while she isn’t. The only way this makes sense is if Chip and Boy Not Named in Wiki Entry are in the dark garage watching a projected slideshow of potential girls to be rejected by.” –Lee Sherman

She’s brought these fun runners up as well!

“If the Mitchells would stop gossiping about their friends and coworkers in front of Dennis, they’d have something to talk about when he’s not around.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Why should Marvin care about reading books? His generation will all experience, say, The Count of Monte Cristo in virtual reality, with the words beamed directly into their brains from their iPads or something. Best of all, no one will know his actual body is pooping the whole time.” –BigTed

“Maybe you lost your watch inside a patient. I haven’t known you all that long, but seems pretty in-character.” –Pozzo

“Marvin’s family is grotesque in any number of ways, but I’ll say this for them: they’ve never forced their unwilling friends to hear about their wife’s failed attempts to spark up their dead marriage with a bit of adult-baby play, unlike some people.” –Schroduck

“I appreciate that Marvin’s grandparents are playing a game named for both a food and an orifice. It fits the theme” –Mr. A

“If it takes you a minute to realize that that punchline is supposed to be wordplay, you’re probably reading Crankshaft.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I love the idea that this guy’s parents are sitting just out of frame, patiently waiting to spend time with their son while he stares captivated at a phonebook-sized letter he won’t even open. ‘Seriously, your mom is starting to get really upset…’ ‘Just five more minutes, honey. I just want to smell the stamps a bit more.’” –pugfuggly

“Drew today: ‘What has become of my cherished watch, which my dying mother gave me before she passed away?’ Drew last week: ‘Hey, what happened to my Rolex™?’” –jroggs

“Beetle, you know what is also copyrighted? The character played by William Holden in Stalag 17! But satirical works enjoy an exception to copyright, and let us be very clear that satirical does not necessarily mean ‘funny.’” –Ettorre

“Drew: ‘She was buried in a matching watch.’
Ashlee: [grabbing shovel] ‘Go on.’” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“At this point, Crankshaft wakes up, tangled in his sweaty sheets, gasping for air. ‘What a nightmare!’ he thinks. ‘Me, on a date? Having a heartfelt conversation? Horrible! I should’ve known. Since when have there been drive-in movie theaters, and since when were movies abstract pencil drawings on a white background? Well, at least now I know I’m not too old to dream.’” –made of wince

“So apparently if I see a bird-man with an aggressive pompadour, a Reservoir Dog suit, and a one-ball scrotum hanging under his beak I’m supposed to think ‘carpenter’ rather than ‘one of nature’s more tragic mistakes.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Are women after Chads or are they just golddiggers? Dustin enters the hottest debate in /r/incel history!” –Jerp+Jump

“A teenage boy who’s completely bald except for a single tuft of curly hair growing out of his forehead (?!) might need to lower his standards a bit if he considers ‘conventionally attractive girl who’s a little too into the Red Sox’ beneath him. Or honestly even if he doesn’t.” –Dan

“I’m just relieved Ashlee is wearing flip-flops so she doesn’t get tetanus from that sofa.” -Malaclypse

“You can Tell Ashlee’s on hard times because not only is her wall plaster and couch all torn up, she can’t even afford color for her apartment. Not to get all socialist about it but you have to ask whether she would have turned to petty larceny if she hadn’t been reduced to life in a greyscale flophouse while the residents of Santa Royale luxuriate in their vibrant washes of salmon and ochre.” –BananaSam

“Nice rendering of the down-at-the-heels People’s Clinic. I guess it’s Shithole Week at Mary Worth.” –Ned Ryerson

“Drew has two practices: the hospital, where he draws money from an exploitative healthcare system, and the People’s Clinic, where he draws money from people’s charitable donations. If Ashlee just hangs with him awhile, she could learn a thing or two.” –richardf8

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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FOLKS … it’s time again for the comment of the week

“In today’s semifinals of the Who Can Pour More Coffee in Their Lap tournament, we see the different strategies of the three contestants. Drew stays with the traditional tip your full cup approach, while Sophie, perhaps relying on new analytics, goes with pour the coffee over the edge of the cup. My money, however, is on the old pro Dr. Jeff, who is skipping the cup altogether for the direct carafe to crotch spill! Well played, Dr. Jeff — go big or go home!” –Lawyerbob

Also time for your very funny runners up!

“Who are those babies? Are those the miscarriages and scarlet fever victims? A grim reminder of why vaccines are so important. I respect it.” –jerp+jump

“If they’re implying that Jeffy is going to eventually get laid I’m not buying it.” –nescio

“At no point in the past week was Drew wearing a watch. I guess this means Ashlee stole it during their impromptu pizza date and Drew only checks what time it is a few times a month.” –jroggs

“Gotta hand it to Drew, the bar for ‘young person’s romantic mishaps in Mary Worth’ was set at ‘Dawn’ and he still managed to sail right under it. That’s weirdly impressive!” –Dan

“I know that the strip club comment is probably just a sad endnote on this plot, but I really hope it’s more. Like I really hope Max gets hired by the strip club and convinces them to keep all the old theater seats and popcorn machine for nostalgia’s sake, and helps the strippers cater to the specifics tastes of the community and eventually they open the Starbuck Jones All-Nude Review to great success. Please please make me this comic.” –pugfuggly

“It’s going to be awkward trying to explain this to the pastafamilias.” –Peanut Gallery

“I will wager that the Valentine Theater will get a last minute reprieve from being turned into a strip club, thus enabling it to exist 9 years in the future. Maybe the dead church organist left a substantial bequest to the theater. Maybe a valuable comic book will be found stuffed in one of the seat cushions. Maybe Ed Crankshaft will finally retire from driving a school bus, freeing up the town’s financial resources previously devoted to repairing the trail of destruction he left behind. So many possibilities!” –GeoGreg

“Panel one seems to be the sort of optical illusion I’d expect to find in Slylock Fox. ‘Which of these two over-privileged white women is larger? Turn your screen upside-down for the answer.’” –Pozzo

“Watch it, Drew. As soon as Ashlee casts covetous eyes on your dad’s Mr. Coffee machine it’s as good as hers.” –Guillermo el Chiclero

“Going for a walk every morning is a sign of great emotional distress! Either that, or it’s a sign that someone is fairly wealthy, and extremely relaxed.” –BigTed

“For lack of a watch, Drew is hours late for his date with Ashley. Fireworks are avoided, however, because Ashley sold the watch and is at home in a cocaine stupor. It’s like a seedy Gift of the Magi.” –Dean Booth, on Twitter

“Drew is so happy eating his Roundwich™ and thinking about happy times with his dad.” –Malaclypse

“‘You’re the only adult guy I know who still lives with his father!’ Truly, no strip has ever gone this far out of its way to demonstrate that it doesn’t understand millennials, not even Dustin.” –pastordan

“Alternate joke: ‘Cargo shorts? Gross.’” –Joe Blevins

“Sure, Ashlee’s dad is being chased by police at 120 miles an hour in a car with what appears to be a canvas tent draped over the windshield, but he’s got those hands on ten and two. Criminal he may be, but this is Mary Worth, where Driver’s Ed rules are king.” –els

“Ugh, the single-use plastics are here. Or maybe the acid just kicked in. Am I me, or am I a jar on a shelf filled with Cheerios. The jar is filled with Cheerios, not the shelf, that’d be crazy. I am a jar. I’m ajar. My whole life was ajar, a door slightly open, but now I’ve thrown the doors of perception wide open, and I’m just a jar. Someone’s gonna come along and take off the top of my head and scoop out my Cheerio brains and eat them with milk and … and … and I hope they have strawberries too. Man, the single-use plastics are dancing now, celebrating their eternal life, a brief moment in the sun filled with food and a long afterlife in the Hades of the dark landfill. Man. I gotta get a new dealer.” –Voshkod

“Dagwood’s car is clearly too old to have an autopilot, and yet he’s driving Herb home with both hands on his burger, eyes closed. Good thing they’re wearing seatbelts.” –DNH

“Rex is absolutely trying to see if he has heat vision that will put an end to that damned letter.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The most interesting part of this meal is not the conversation but the bite mark that Dr. Drew has imparted to his hamburger. It is a single bite, in the form of an absolutely perfect semi-circle of only one quarter-inch radius. Drew himself is apparently morphing into Jimmy Olsen, but he retains the delicate dentifrice and the ultra-precise biting skills of a top-flight surgeon!” –seismic-2

“Kids will be who they’re going to be. Adopting fatalism helped me as parent, since I no longer believe I am responsible for the consequences of my actions. Of course, it helps me even more as a doctor.” –Ettorre

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!