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[Setup for comment of the week goes here]

“I’m actually mad at how inaccurate the darndest thing in Family Circus is. Little kids think all grownups are impossibly old! Dolly should be looking at some purple-haired waif with thirty piercings and telling Thel that she’ll finally have someone her own age to play with!” –matt w

[Slightly less effusive setup for runners up goes here]

“Dennis is helping clean the table! The only thing less menacing is if he had expressed interest in playing pinochle!” –Ettorre

“What’s wrong with the cook? Why didn’t he simply wish himself into a better universe, or simply out of existence? Or unwrite Crock entirely? Is he newspaper comics’ greatest monster, or does that honor belong to whoever named Boner’s Ark?” –Victor Von

“Leroy and Loretta are no younger in that picture than they are now. Are they (relative) newlyweds? It takes normal couples a good twenty years to work up to that state of mutual bile. Guess they’re over-achievers, in that respect. Congratulations?” –Pozzo

“Loretta made sure to put their wedding photo up near a framed image of the state where it took place, so Leroy will always be reminded of local alimony laws.” –BigTed

“You know what, I think the Dad has a point. If I went to a vinyl-bench diner with old timey apron wearing waitresses I would also expect a full plate to compensate for the food being the cheapest ingredients prepared by the least talented cooks. I mean, that’s kind of the deal, right?” –Jerp+Jump

“Wilbur’s idea of an apology: ‘No, shut up! I’m talking now! You listen!’” –Inspector Gotcha

“To ‘zero in on’ something means to aim at it, so this new character development sort of makes sense if you assume the Beetle Bailey writers know nothing about the character other than the name, which … seems pretty plausible, actually?” –Jack Brounstein

“Pluggers check every day to see if they can still read dates on coins. ‘Yep … 1955. Or maybe 1956. Whatever … if I can still see something, it means I’m not dead. Yet.’” –Pozzo

“That blonde woman is absolutely threatening to murder Lillian in the last panel and I’m here for it. If characters are going to die in Crankshaft then at least have them bludgeoned to death with a lighting tripod.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“You’ve heard of cringe comedy, but now it’s time for cringe tragedy — OH, WILBUR. — starting this January only on HOBOMax.” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“The couple across the street are hipsters, not hippies. No one else would insist on using a fifty-year-old antique baby carriage.” –Tom T.

“The stoned ‘Dude?’ at the end of Blondie completely kills the timing of the punchline, but it suggests that the only place stocking Thanksgiving jelly beans is a weed dispensary which, you know, makes sense.” –Schroduck

“See if you can find all the choking hazard toys scattered on the floor, and then realize why PJ is ‘sleeping.’” –Rusty

“That’s ‘duderino’ to you, young man! I’ll brook no insolence from petty clerks, even at a store that apparently has an HTML formatting error for a name.” –Peanut Gallery

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Comment of the week? You’d better believe it’s the comment of the week:

“Much like the newspaper comics industry itself, today’s Barney Google and Snuffy Smith Present Spark Plug’s Grandson … Li’l Sparky® takes place in a universe obsessed with recycled intellectual property. It’s the Barney Google and Snuffy Smith Present Spark Plug’s Grandson … Li’l Sparky® Comics Universe or the glue factory for you, boys, there is no in between.” –pastordan

And you’d better believe the runners up are very funny!

“‘…And you won’t need a drink to do it!’ Has Mary ever even seen a Karaoke bar?” –Rosstifer

“Quick, Max! To the Slylock-mobile! You know, the lavender ATV I bought with taxpayer money! No, I don’t know where your special derby with the chin strap is! Next time, be like me and use bobby pins. They work, Max.” –Joe Blevins

“Wilbur [at staff pitch meeting]: ‘Picture it: The INCELebration of Wilbur: I Shouldn’t Be Single … But I Am!‘ [quivering jazzhands]” –2+2=7

“Ever seen a woman who’s had one too many shots of mustard gas to the face and a 3-year case of trench foot? Ha-chi-mama! Also, terrible shell shock, just … terrible.”–pugfuggly

“So, how many human skeletons in the next display, do you figure?” –nescio

“The use of boldface in Mary Worth is not always good or sensible; sometimes you wind up with weird emphasis like ‘People seem to have a good time here’ that makes Mary sound like a cop trying to figure out who’s carrying. But sometimes you get Wilbur angrily spitting out the phrase, ‘Yes, I see people who are happy’ and you can hear all the bitterness and misery heaped on one word, and it’s all worth it.” –Dan

“Today’s Mary Worth alone is far more exciting than a year of Rex Morgan. Hell, I’ll put my neck on the line and say the final panel is more exciting than two years of Rex Morgan, today’s fantastic ‘reading a note card’ action included.” –georgiabob

“‘Blue skies.’ Our old code for ‘all’s clear.’ Strange. ‘Clear sailing’… right, that means he wishes me well in the future. That’s nice. Wait, what’s this? ‘Many happy years to you and your bride?’ There’s a large force of enemy irregular troops bearing down on my left and right flanks?! Oh no!” –jroggs

“Sam’s going to take his service revolver down to the printing plant and see if he can’t get this supply chain thing figured out.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“No, I’m fine, Sam. Thanks. I’m so happy, I couldn’t eat a thing! I just got an email saying that my order of Volume Six of Derby Dugan: The Geebus Years has just been delivered to my place. They say it’s been discontinued, and I got the very last one. I can’t wait to go home and read it on the toilet!” –made of wince

“You should show these strips if anyone not terminally online asks you to explain ‘subtweeting.’” –Ettorre

“Babies always come from the same place, Dolly. Lowered standards, too much booze, cowardly complacency, and finally fear of dying unloved and alone. Anyway, Mommy’s going to work on phase two of the process again.” –Voshkod

“My wife notes that Estelle is on a date with a man who may have access to tranquilizer darts, should Wilbur get too out of hand.” –richard8

“I’m not one for kink-shaming but I didn’t really need to know that Darryl is into erotic semaphore.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Thus began the world’s first and only karaoke-based protection order. Wilbur is forbidden to sing within 1,000 feet of of schools, daycares, or basically anybody else.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Once could be just chance, but the fact Wilbur followed the falsetto-heavy ‘Cry Me a River’ with the high-pitched ‘Somebody That I Used to Know’ makes me think that actually he just has an extremely high, whiny voice. Update your headcanons accordingly.” –Schroduck

“You’ve gotta give Beetle Bailey props for playing the long game. Lulling readers into a false sense of security with a week of insipid and inane ‘gags’ only to drop a straight-up porn reference at the end of the week? That’s a baller move, son! ‘Welcome to the weekend, bitches!’ Respect.” –Doctor Moreau

“I appreciate that in Beetle Bailey’s army a male soldier can read a book called ‘Summer Romance’ without being immediately piled on by the rest of the camp. He should at least get a wet willy though for how this ‘smart’ guy is just sitting there holding the book backwards.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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I apologize for not posting this sooner, but I did want to note that Margaret Shulock, who was one of the founding Six Chix, and, perhaps more importantly for the history of this blog, the longtime writer of Apartment 3-G, passed away last month. The Daily Cartoonist has a good obituary (which notes that she was a gag writer for Snuffy Smith as well). I dearly loved and miss her work on Apartment 3-G, and I hope she knew how many of us enjoyed it.

Anyway! Let us smile, and move on, with our comment of the week!

“Wilbur took Pierre to the dog park one time and it immediately landed him multiple dates with a woman to whom he was attracted, which Wilbur then screwed up completely of his own accord. Pierre can do his job. The dog situation has been going just fine. The problem is, as always, the Wilbur situation.” –jroggs

Our runners up are also funny!

“Sure, Dennis could go to college and study science if he wants to become an astronaut. Or, he could drop out of college, start a billion-dollar internet business, and pay for his own rocket ship. Did you ever think of that, Margaret? Well, don’t worry, adult Dennis isn’t about to do either one when he’s selling knockoff pot gummies in the alley behind the car wash.” –BigTed

“‘The past is never the past. It is always the present’ is the kind of thing people say when they’re as baked as Estelle looks in panel three.” –Hibbleton

“‘November Halloween plot’ is that special touch you only get from strips that have lasted maybe 20 years longer than the point at which, if they were human, you’d gently stop letting them drive.” –Dan

“Pam makes a classic rookie mistake, asking Ed what he’s doing. Look, Pam, the computer is keeping your dad occupied. That’s enough. Will it have devastating legal and financial consequences down the line? Possibly. But that’s tomorrow’s problem.” –Joe Blevins

“Pretty subdued start to the weeks long Crock Finale arc where, their shoddy cistern having suddenly been drained of water, the inhabitants of the fort all succumb to dehydration and madness, turning on each other before abandoning the fort to … whatever they were out there to hold it against in the first place, maybe these two guys?” –BananaSam

“How could you miss: ‘They tell us whut ther runnin’ fer — ah wanna see what they’ll run from!’ I mean, it’s right there! I guess Snuffy’s laziness extends to punchlines.” –Pozzo

“Unlike in TV shows in which everyone sits on one side of the table with their faces to the camera no matter how unrealistic it looks, the Mary Worth artist breaks convention to spare the audience Wilbur’s visage. We, the audience, thank you.” –georgiabob

“For Pete’s sake, is Lois’s life so boring that she’s taken to sneaking up on her baby just to freak her out? ‘Hmmm, I would rate the subject’s startle response at a reaction time of +8, with a standard 25% flinch presentation. No crying, just pouting this time. Is the subject becoming desensitized? The contents of her diaper may provide the answer at some point. Perhaps a more aggressive form of peek-a-boo at bedtime is in order.’” –made of wince

“Wilson. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE, Wilson. Tell him yes. Tell him that yes, forever he should be quiet, never make another sound, this is your FOOT you’re dealing with here, does Dennis want you to lose your foot? Well, DOES HE?! The door is open, Wilson. The door. Is open. All you have to do is raise those pins and needles and hop on through. Don’t screw this up.” –els

“Haha, Wilbur’s on the verge of tears, but it’s not stopping him from shoveling more spaghetti (?) in his mouth with a fork he’s holding like a pencil, presumably so it won’t slip from his grasp when it’s made slippery by his tears. He’s so good at this it’s almost as if crying during mealtimes is a regular occurrence for him!” –Thelonious_Nick

“A beatnik, eh? Gotta say, I admire Tribune’s commitment to raising its artists and writers in a remote commune and allowing popular culture to trickle through at a pace that makes glaciers envious.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“There is only one hermeneutical principle necessary for interpreting any given Six Chix, which is to ask yourself: how many magic mushrooms the artist has been ingesting. Today’s outing: 3 grams, tripping balls, very psilocybin. (Not being a mushroom kind of guy myself, I had to do a little research for this comment. A quick Google search brought up a mushroom dispensary as the second result. Not for the first or last time, a mudge has gone on an FBI list for the sake of a joke! We do it all for the love of you.)” –pastordan

“Hypnosis is soooooo October lol.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Klik! Oh. I hope today wasn’t the the day the boss volunteered to drive orphans and puppies to the amusement park.” –Voshkod

“I dunno, Mary. Wilbur expressed his emotions when he got mad at Libby and when he told Carol he still had feelings for Estelle. If anything, he should try keeping his emotions to himself.” –Flipper

“‘I hate it when they serve fish with the head on it.’ ‘Then why did you order the whole sea bass?’ ‘I needed an excuse to leave a lousy tip.’” –Rube

“Estelle just can’t catch a break with romance! First an internet scammer, then Wilbur, now a robot doctor who’s already failing the Turing Test.” –jenna

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!