“The whole point of nephewism is that it doesn’t come with the baggage of parenthood. When Skyler is unnecessary and inconvenient to the gag of the moment, he discreetly disappears back into nephewspace until such time as he is summoned forth again to do a gag that requires a child.” –Peanut Gallery

“Fancy yourself a menace, Dennis? Well, now you know: Mrs. Wilson ruined Mr. Wilson’s happiness long before you ever entered the picture. You’re the assistant menace, and don’t forget it.” –Peanut Gallery

“I feel sorry for people who get Dennis the Menace with the throwaway panels removed, because they’ll never get to see what it would look like if Mr. Wilson dressed as an elf and then did a lot of cocaine.” –Schroduck

“I’m getting ‘giving the hitman the go-ahead’ vibes from Les’s ‘yes.’ I guess he needs another wife to die for his next book.” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“I do appreciate the surreal disconnect between the imagery and text. It reads like a serious and staid police procedural yet appears to depict a leprechaun watching a video of a stripper with giraffe horns.” –Lee Sherman

“Frankly, I’m disappointed with Cayla, too. ‘A dead Lisa party? Wowee wow wow! Sign me up! Will there be a cake in the shape of her corpse? Please say yes!’” –Joe Blevins

“Pluggers sneered at the use of ‘like’ as a filler word for decades, but now that Gen X is aging into their demographic it’s acceptable.” –TheDiva

“As an extra bit of language weirdness, Rufus says accordian t’ as a countrified version of according to, yet actually somehow misspells ‘accordion’ (mentally?) while he’s saying it. Of all the places for someone to screw up both old-timey speech and an instrument sometimes used in bluegrass music, Gasoline Alley shouldn’t be it.” –BigTed

“Can I speak to you the word of the lord Zuke? He that grows in multitudes? His vines do creep into men’s souls, so that they open their mouth for the pulpy flesh of the lord. Please, friend. Open your mouth. Take his blessing. Let his vines entwine your soul. Eat of this zucchini bread, for it too is his body. Drink of this zucchini smoothie, for it is as his blood.” –Voshkod

“This is good for Spider-Man, since he’s finally going to get a girlfriend who buys him accessories, houses, cars, etc. This is bad for Barbie, because like every other Spider-Man girlfriend she’s going to be thrown off the George Washington Bridge.” –Ettorre

“No! No! Mom! Stop! Spider-Man is supposed to be upside down, it’s an iconic scene! Did you even watch my YouTube series?!” –Dan

“I like the annoyed look on Rex’s face in that last panel. Clearly he thought that his comment about Sarah being anonymous implied that it would no longer be openly discussed, perhaps for her well-being but also because Rex is tired of talking about his child.” –pugfuggly

“I didn’t expect Shoe to go meta with a comic about comics less funny than news reporting that actually is less funny than news reporting.” –nescio

“They seemed to be very different people. Granted, I only saw Ashlee exactly one single time and didn’t speak to her at all, which isn’t really much of a data pool to draw from, but she burst into the hospital screaming and crying, and that’s something Drew only does infrequently.” –jroggs

“Today’s Shoe especially emphasizes, visually, the always-present but never-spoken fact that Shoe is the only one there unclothed (except for shoes). I guess that’s why they call him Shoe, but in these two panels that doesn’t really come off as the quaint nickname of a hard-hitting newspaper editor. It comes off as psychotic. Forget the bird-man thing for a minute. Sure, they’re birds, but they dress in clothes and work at jobs and watch TV and get haircuts and use glasses to drink and so forth. So they’re basically people, de facto. So imagine that you got a new job as an intern at your small town’s only newspaper, the Treetops Tattler or whatever it’s called. ‘This is the Perfesser,’ your coworkers say to you. You find a heavy-lidded man slumped over a pile of papers, staring at you with dead eyes. A bit much, sure, but he’s a recognizable journalistic type. You wave. Now your co-worker gestures to someone else. ‘This is our editor, Shoe.’ A man scowls at you, smoking a cigar and utterly naked except for Nike sneakers. A beat. You wait for the laughter, because this is a prank, right? They’re pranking the new guy, No one laughs. Someone clears their throat. You guess you’re supposed to say something. ‘N-nice to meet… you?’ you half-whisper. Shoe grunts and turns, giving you a full look at his bare butt as he strides away. Everyone looks at your with heavy-lidded eyes. Why weren’t you nice to the editor? Later he’ll talk to you again, naked, not remembering he’s already met you. He will never wear clothes the entire time you work there, until you decide to leave that nightmare newspaper and go work at the mortuary. At least the vulture wears a suit.” –Chance

“You’re telling THIS guy he needs to come up with a name? Based on his history, he’ll be on the phone to Sarah in about twenty minutes.” –Weaselboy

“Jesus, can you imagine after your own death finding out that not only are you a ghost but you have to haunt your old elementary school? ‘Sorry, but you’ve been assigned to Dunning Primary as part of a package deal with the graduating class of 1922. The thinking was that if any kids come by the old place and ask open-ended questions about the former students that you’ll be there to do a brief demo, assuming that they can see you. Anyhow, you can expect a tour to come by every couple of years, have a happy eternity.’” –pugfuggly

“I love that Ashlee is giving Drew a five-grand shakedown as they stroll through the waiting room. The adult patients are thinking ‘I waited six weeks for an appointment to see this dummy?’ while the little girl thinks ‘This guy looks like an easy mark.’” –Arabella

“Here’s hoping Ashlee is seeing her current Instagram stardom goals as shallow and materialistic, and is inspired to go into nursing, where she can do choreographed TikTok dance routines extolling her own heroism instead.” –bad wolf

“Eleven years ago, terrified by predictions of overpopulation and Malthusian catastrophe, a CIA psyop team began a monstrous secret project: to cut the birth rate by rendering the entire population impotent through subliminal psychological attacks that would make the very idea of sex repulsive. Over the next decade, they worked to create the most perfectly hateful, grotesque human imaginable — a person so foul that any right thinking person would recoil from the slightest association from him, even just sharing the basest human instincts — and hid him in plain sight in newspapers across the country. Today, Operation Dustin’s Dad advanced to Phase Two. May God have mercy on us all.” –Schroduck

“I find it entirely unbelievable that a bunch of obsessed nerds didn’t bother to verify his death, or even look for the website of whatever funeral home was handling the arrangements to offer their eCondolances. Anyway, kudos to Batiuk who made a plot device character about how women creators overwhelmingly get ignored and then ignoring her during the story line where she gets inducted into a comics hall of fame.” –BeeKey

“[several minutes of increasingly improbable misunderstandings later] Yes, I too am pregnant with ideas for future stories, I don’t see why you need to make it a competition.” –Dan

“Tragedy strikes when Kyle discovers his arms are permanently stuck in an ‘it was this big’ position, making it impossible for him to ever work again.” –made of wince

“Well, one thing is settled: there is no level of density for plugger body hair I am comfortable with.” –Frissen Frassen Russen Mussen

“Another old fashioned thing: wearing dress shoes for black ops. Don’t slip!” –Jerp+Jump

“I have gotten used to the creators of Beetle Bailey having no idea how the military works, but you might think they would know how movie ratings work.” –Rube

“Even the lovers on the poster are three feet apart.” –Tom T.

“Dennis’ dad, rather than appreciating the dad joke, is upset at the goatee he’s seeing on TV. They have beatniks on TV? What’s next?” –DAS, Dad Joke-maker Extraordinaire

“The dark canine demimonde of gray-market resales, where literal fleas run the market, Chuck Wagon is the reigning currency, and nobody asks questions about the provenance of your birthday presents, is deeply weird.” –pastordan

“Blonde girlfriend seems to be wearing a very nice dress. She probably won’t enjoy whatever activity Chip has planned with his sweaty cut-offs and the $10 he’s getting for mowing the lawn. Pretty sure she’ll be texting Bruce before the date is over.” –lorne

“I can’t tell if that hand is Mr. Paley’s as he describes the trajectory of the ball or pro John Jawor’s as he karate chops Mr. Paley in the face. The only information pro John Jawor wants from Thorp is if Paley is the type of schmuck who sues after a stupid little thing like being karate chopped in the face.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“If Daddy was a workaholic, he’d draw both your nostrils, kid.” –nescio

“All the other cartoonists are going to thrash Hi and Lois cartoonists this week. ‘Dudes! You drew the chick teeing off from the dude’s markers. Bro! Do you even golf?’” –Harry F

“I love how Sarah looks bored but thoughtful in panel 5 of Rex Morgan, M.D. ‘Oh, that’s kind of different. Not the kind of different I was imagining, but you’ve got 2 minutes to get my attention. Tick tock!’” –Victor Von

“One of the signs of a healthy relationship is the need to hide any interaction with the opposite sex from your partner so they won’t get jealous and punish you for playing the most boring game in the entire world with women, which is basically tantamount to taking them to the Holiday Inn and having an orgy.” –Jerp+Jump

“Sure, this seems stupid. But if this results in the discovery that Lisa also faked her own death, destroying what little professional career Les has enjoyed, and subjecting him to prosecution for bigamy, it will all be worth it.” –Where’s Rocky?

“There are so many weird artifacts from this strip’s past that I’ve never noticed how weird its cars are. Obviously this model dates back to a simpler time in car safety when things like headrests weren’t a thing, but they’ve tried to update the seatbelts to modern standards when obviously this model only had waist belts. As a result, Herb’s shoulder strap seems to just continue on into infinity, much like this strip itself.” –pugfuggly

“We can’t allow Dagwood to grow a beard! Immagine all the food crumbs that would get stuck around his mouth! Just imagine!” –Ettorre

“How poor is Ashlee? She’s so poor that her mobile home isn’t even mobile. It just squats there on cinder blocks, slowly rusting away, leaky and drafty and unsafe. Oh, you were looking for a joke? This is Mary Worth, son, where poverty isn’t a joke, it just makes you a bad person.” –Voshkod

“I’d like to point out that yesterday’s Mary Worth said Dr. Cory hadn’t been in contact for ‘several days,’ so… has he just been thumping this guy’s chest all that time? He can’t Venmo her the money because his hands are constantly engaged in futile CPR, hour after hour, day and night, until everyone else stops looking and he can pretend this patient didn’t die during his shift?” –Schroduck

“It would appear from the monitor that the patient does indeed have a heart that is beating, so we’re left to wonder if Dr. Drew is having one of his day dreams where two women whose only discernable difference is their hair color slowly pull him apart. It would definitely explain the scowl on the nurses faces if he’s been standing there motionless for 20 minutes, preventing them from changing a line or replacing a bed pan on their totally conscious and totally confused patient.” –DevOpsDad

“‘Three hairs on the top of his head,’ thinks Mrs. Wilson. ‘Exactly three. How come I never noticed that before? Wait a second — the hair in the middle isn’t even attached to anything! It’s just floating there! Should I tell him? No, it’s not doing any harm. Besides, he wouldn’t believe me anyway.’” –made of wince

“Sure, it’s endearing when slobbering a sammich. When blowing his nose or masturbating, not so much.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Normally, I think the bored, heavy-lidded Garfield look is overused in comics, but I would welcome it here. Mother Goose & Grimm makes me uncomfortable because most of the characters in it look like they’ve just witnessed war atrocities.” –Joe Blevins

“I see that the Burns house has only been awarded a ‘B’ grade by the county health department. No wonder they go out front curbside into the clean, fresh air to discuss family news!” –odinthor

“Thel is thinking about how much time and money went into Billy’s matching salmon sneakers and t-shirt, and how his winsome enthusiasm better start bringing in the brand sponsors on her social media accounts.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I’m barely following who’s a thinly-veiled analog for who here, but is Batiuk having Jack Kirby posthumously make peace with Stan Lee? Finally Funky Winkerbean assumes its final form… not cancer, not nostalgia, but cancerous nostalgia.” –Dan

“The thing that makes this cartoon for me is Jeremy’s complete indifference to the scene on the TV. The other thing that makes this scene for me is the fact that, in a few minutes, Jeremy is going to be loading Connie into his Microbus for a trip to the orthopedic urgent care, because there’s no way that flat screen is supporting her weight.” –richardf8