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[Little joke introducing the COTW goes here]

“Removing the border between the last two panels of today’s Dennis the Menace would work so much better on every conceivable level. How do you get aesthetically outflanked by Hi and Lois? How do you even show up to work the next day after that happens? How do you face your family?” –Dan

[Slightly longer joke introducing the runners up goes here]

“In his childhood memory he’s smoking a pipe and wearing the same clothes he’s wearing at the moment. This is a man blocking out his childhood and creating alternate memories. Hi & Lois is about to get real dark.” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“Oh, cool, this is that classic sitcom plot where the spouses trade jobs for a week. Henry will learn that household chores are a pain in the ass, and Alice will learn that if you work as an aerospace engineer without any training, your rocket will blow up and kill half a dozen people on the ground.” –Anonymous

“Ah yes, mowing, mowing all the time. Mowing and smoking, smoking and mowing. I wonder which was the bigger addiction? I was the mowing-est, smoking-est kid in town. I used to mow all the neighbors’ yards for free. There’s no joy in finishing off a pouch of Captain Black without having some grass to mow at the same time. I wonder… would it really do that much harm to just clean up that little patch of grass Chip left? Do I still have one of my old pipes in that box in the garage, or did we throw it away? Maybe I’ll just… No, Hi, no! That way lies madness! I’d better text the kid.” –Peanut Gallery

“This strip is about space coupes crashing into Jupiter, and yet the single most implausible element is Diet Smith smoking indoors without incident.” –Joe Blevins

“It crashed on Jupiter! Jupiter, Florida, near the campus of Florida Atlantic University, to be exact. Go Owls! Given that it launched from Cape Kennedy, about 120 miles north, I’m guessing they weren’t very good pilots. Or maybe I’m a terrible engineer. Either way, there’s a heap of scrap filled with bloated bodies in Jupiter, Tracy, and I know that’s the sort of thing that gets you excited.” –Voshkod

“I also made lemonade but I have no idea if it’s any good because my socks are too tight. Does any of this make sense? Is this how things work?” –Shoe Substitutes

“Since disc golf is really taking off these days, I can’t wait to read a comic where Hi is vaguely baffled by Chip playing this wild new sport that cheapens his beloved pastime. I imagine this comic will run 15-20 years from now.” –Tristan Olson, on Twitter

“Do the birds of Shoe not have dictaphones or shorthand? Maybe that’s why they’re always so weary and surrounded by piles of paper, because they’re always trying to write out 180 word a minute speeches by hand.” –Schroduck

“For a professional comics snarker, Josh still has a lot to learn. When it comes to legacy comics, there are certain things that are inherently hilarious and serve as punchlines on their own with no need for wordplay or embellishment. For example: present day technology, unexpected visits from relatives, mentioning a one-dimensional character’s sole trait, the weather, and above all golf. And if you can manage to combine some of these factors, such as a strip where a character can’t go golfing because it’s raining or his mother-in-law is in town or he can’t figure out how to reserve a tee time with his newfangled iTelephone, well then, you have what is known as a genu-ine gutbuster, sure to adorn the cubicle walls of your least-tolerable coworkers.” –jroggs

“I know golfers enjoy playing golf. I know golfers enjoy watching golf. But I can’t believe golfers enjoy listening to other golfers tell golf stories as much as those other to golfers are listening to hat guy’s golf story. Surely the only actual pleasure they’re feeling is from understanding every word of golf jargon and feeling part of the in group.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I think we’re supposed to hate Ashlee because she’s a grifter, but hear me out: what if we hate Drew for being the easiest mark ever? Like, damn dude, how do you remember to breathe.” –Twiggy Peas, Champion of England, on Twitter

“I don’t have any money. I already told you that I live with my dad, my watch was a gift, and I work at the People’s Clinic. Also, I gave Mary Worth my power of attorney after I loaned Shauna money for her political campaign.” –Mysterion

“Ha, look at the waitress’s face: despite her best efforts, she is now picturing Mr Wilson in the shower. I hope you’re taking notes, Dennis, Mrs Wilson is the real menace.” –pugfuggly

“Wait, he invented perfect deepfakes and he used the technology just to put a comic strip into reruns?! I have never seen such a big waste of talent and mental capacity on useless things like comics since that time Josh opened this blog!” –Ettorre

“What know ye of laughter, Barney Google and Snuffy Smith? WHAT KNOW YE?!!” –Matt McKinney

“The setup would work better if Jughaid was about to get a shot, except that we might have had to look at his stubbly misshapen buttocks instead.” –nescio

[Sales pitch block: check to see if I’ve updated these recently first]

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[Little thank you for reading this far goes here :) ]

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Folks, it’s that time on a Friday … time for your comment of the week:

“You know what? It’s refreshing that Crankshaft spends its time working out obscure gardening grudges that I’m not interested in, instead of doing obscure golfing grudges that I’m not interested like in every other strip. There, I said it!” –matt+w

And it’s also time for your runners up:

“Of course Weirdly zapped Darla with his laser — how else is he supposed to shrink her down so he has a second rubber duck to play with in the tub? He lives in a town where law enforcement can just barge into your bathroom at any time. It seems perfectly reasonable that he would need to soothe himself with treasured childhood memories. (Oh, he was actually trying to cook and eat her? Never mind.)” –BigTed

“Tomorrow, Thirsty tends to his hangover with his ‘legal’ opioids.” –Hibbleton

“My favorite detail in the Hi and Lois strip is Irma, whose only characterization is ‘hates her husband,’ happily carrying more explosives out to Thirsty. Everyone knows that one couple who don’t seem to have anything in common, and nobody suspects the real answer is ‘arson.’ Hi jokes, but he better hope that Irma and Thirsty don’t rediscover their passion for fire — and each other — by burning down his house.” –literarylottie

“Ladies, you can’t fight here in the People’s Clinic! What would our glorious Chairman Mao think?” –Joe Blevins

“I like the kid in the back, who’s just staring at the spectators while his dad urges him to hop into the race. Rave on, old man. This is not my scene.” –Peanut Gallery

“What amused me is how Billy’s expression doesn’t seem outraged so much as hurt and betrayed. ‘No fair, Jeffy! No fair!’ he cries. ‘We were supposed to make it big, Jeffy, together!’” –Ahno neemus.

“Dad, a child creating a comic because the original artist is too lazy to do his job? This is something those losers in the Family Circus do! I’ve become lamer, but not that lame!” –Ettorre

“Eddie, for one thing you gotta stop wearing the slanket to raids. There’s 900 of them and 5 of us, this whole thing depends on speed and psychological impact. The red muumuu just encourages resistance.” –Jerp+Jump

“If you carry treats with you for any nearby dogs, you can poop in any sandbox you want.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“If Steve Jobs wasn’t dead, seeing Dagwood use one of his products would probably kill him.” –Where’s Rocky?

“The rise of MMORPGs has made the image on an unpleasant lardbutt sitting at a computer surrounded by piles of his own fecal matter as American as apple pie and baseball. What simply isn’t believable in any context is the idea of a human being actually enjoying a webinar.” –jroggs

“Compulsive shopping is a lot more expensive than Zoloft, or even weed, so maybe somebody needs to slip Crankshaft some edibles and a few vintage Pink Floyd albums. Rename the strip to Kushshaft and take it in a new and interesting direction. Kushshaft sets up a grow tent in his garage and obsesses over terpenes. Kushshaft goes to a Phish concert and has a greenout during a 30 minute rendition of Fluffhead. Kushshaft visits the nursing home and proves that men can have multiple orgasms. You know, that kind of thing.” –toxic

“Yes, Zane is the very picture of enthusiasm there. Would somebody please wake him up? He’s missing out on some excellent hand gesturing.” –made of wince

“There’s a syllable in Javanese that’s rendered in English as ‘ba’ (ꦧ). Maybe the kid is just telling some hysterical joke about the construction of Great Post Road between Anyer and Panarukan? ‘Ba!’ ‘That’s right, as if the French could build a road to Anyer! They’d get eaten by pythons! Tell it again!’” –Voshkod

“And so to get the best of both worlds, we’re going to sew the two of you together into a kind of Franken-board-member. Let the ignorant peasants say that we’re creating abominations against God’s will. History is our only final judge.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“‘All the world’s a stage. Literally.’ said the character in a featureless void that only exists to put him and his wife on display for gags. ‘Don’t ask me where my coffee or her shopping bags came from. Or you, for that matter.’” –nescio

“I like the pose and attire of the Schlock’s confidant — kind of an aging jazz dancer feel. Bob Fosse don’t give a shit about Loretta’s wardrobe peccadillos.” –Dennis Jimenez

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Whose John Hancock is on this week’s top comment? Why, it’s Schroduck!

“The fact that Marvin wouldn’t even use the sudoku brand name but is fine namechecking a product from the planet’s most powerful megacorporation and associating it with a pooping nightmare baby makes me think they want to get sued. Perhaps when you’re in this deep, the cartooning equivalent of suicide-by-cop seems like the only way out.” –Schroduck

These other commenters are also hilarious, truly a set of founding parents for our nation!

“Marvin is of course fascinated by any technological gadget he can operate through his ass.” –Ettorre

“Having spent upwards of several seconds pondering the matter, I believe that Bullseye is supposed to be a play on Target, though I don’t know why that would be remarkable to Funky or his financial institutions. However, many stores in real life carry some variation of the name Bullseye, and they’re usually firearms retailers. So maybe I’m wrong and Funky just set up his bank notifications to get some forewarning in case Holly decided to come home one day with a Gary Lourde Special to make him pay for his countless crimes against the English language.” –jroggs

“A garish, patterned tie? No, no. Not for me. I’ll stick with my trusty reddish-orange model. It goes perfectly with my tight black pants, light brown shoes, and curiously undersized light blue blazer. This, children, is what you call an ensemble.” –Joe Blevins

“I can’t believe he doesn’t think that hunting down living shadows to skin and make into throw pillows for our couch isn’t work! I swear, Jenny, the old man only thinks dungeon-delving and kobold-slaying counts.” –Voshkod

“Remember when I gave up my huge inheritance to marry you? Well, it’s finally paying off!” –GeoGreg

“I’m glad Shauna found water wings that match her tube top.” –matt+w

“The suspense is killing me. Are they each going to yell, ‘BITCH!! and hurl their scalding hot coffees at each other’s faces, or yell, ‘YOU’RE LATE!!’ and hurl them at Drew’s?” –Joe Btfsplk

“[Extremely David Attenborough voice] Crushed by the weight of the word balloons piled on top of her head, the young raven-hair must make a life-or-death decision: to stay where she is, or to take a hint.” –pastordan

“I long for the day when Mary Worth allowed such harsh words as ‘slattern’ rather than requiring grawlixes for them.” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“Obviously, this ‘fight‘ is pure kayfabe, a worked shoot. Like everyone’s pointed out, they’re not even spilling their coffees — yet! They’re saving the coffees for when Drew shows up, tries to break it up, and ‘scalds’ the both of them. One quick phone call to the personal injury lawyers at 1-888-YA-BURNT later and Ashlee and Shauna are sitting pretty in a brand new double-wide while Drew pulls triple shifts in the ER to pay off the settlements.” –Effluvius Erratus

“Isn’t Buck nominally supposed to be representing Jake Rowling/Kyle Vidpa’s interests here. I don’t think leading with ‘severe case of writer’s block‘ is going to help his bargaining position at all.” –Not Greg Evans

“This probably says more about me than it does about the comic, but goddamn it, there has never been a Six Chix that didn’t cause me to untether from reality and gaze into the abyss for awhile. Just… what IS this? The art is very unpleasant. The finger is wearing a crown for some reason. There is no joke present. And furthermore, the artist seems to know that there’s no joke present. Adding the words ‘dang teeny-weeny’ to the sentence ‘No paper cut was going to ruin her day’ — THERE AREN’T EVEN EXCLAMATION POINTS — does not a joke make. And yet, here we are. In despair.” –els

“All Drew really wants is to provide emergency first aid to hot sexy ladies, so this is a big day for him.” –lorne

“Wait. Yesterday, Ashlee and Shauna were slapping each other. Are we to interpret from this that they set down their coffees to do that, then picked them back up to throw in each other’s faces today? ‘I thought we could duel according to the ancient slap-fighting Code of Honor, but you dared to label me an &#^@%!! You brought this COFFE on yourself, wastrel!’” –Navigator

“Come on. Henry’s handicap is his personality.” –nescio

“She thinks there are more important things than golf! But golf is everything! The companionship, the sport, the unspeakable rituals, golf has it all! When our dread lord Pa’ar rises from the green, she’ll finally understand! THEY’LL ALL UNDERSTAND!” –Ahno neemus.

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!