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Whose John Hancock is on this week’s top comment? Why, it’s Schroduck!

“The fact that Marvin wouldn’t even use the sudoku brand name but is fine namechecking a product from the planet’s most powerful megacorporation and associating it with a pooping nightmare baby makes me think they want to get sued. Perhaps when you’re in this deep, the cartooning equivalent of suicide-by-cop seems like the only way out.” –Schroduck

These other commenters are also hilarious, truly a set of founding parents for our nation!

“Marvin is of course fascinated by any technological gadget he can operate through his ass.” –Ettorre

“Having spent upwards of several seconds pondering the matter, I believe that Bullseye is supposed to be a play on Target, though I don’t know why that would be remarkable to Funky or his financial institutions. However, many stores in real life carry some variation of the name Bullseye, and they’re usually firearms retailers. So maybe I’m wrong and Funky just set up his bank notifications to get some forewarning in case Holly decided to come home one day with a Gary Lourde Special to make him pay for his countless crimes against the English language.” –jroggs

“A garish, patterned tie? No, no. Not for me. I’ll stick with my trusty reddish-orange model. It goes perfectly with my tight black pants, light brown shoes, and curiously undersized light blue blazer. This, children, is what you call an ensemble.” –Joe Blevins

“I can’t believe he doesn’t think that hunting down living shadows to skin and make into throw pillows for our couch isn’t work! I swear, Jenny, the old man only thinks dungeon-delving and kobold-slaying counts.” –Voshkod

“Remember when I gave up my huge inheritance to marry you? Well, it’s finally paying off!” –GeoGreg

“I’m glad Shauna found water wings that match her tube top.” –matt+w

“The suspense is killing me. Are they each going to yell, ‘BITCH!! and hurl their scalding hot coffees at each other’s faces, or yell, ‘YOU’RE LATE!!’ and hurl them at Drew’s?” –Joe Btfsplk

“[Extremely David Attenborough voice] Crushed by the weight of the word balloons piled on top of her head, the young raven-hair must make a life-or-death decision: to stay where she is, or to take a hint.” –pastordan

“I long for the day when Mary Worth allowed such harsh words as ‘slattern’ rather than requiring grawlixes for them.” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“Obviously, this ‘fight‘ is pure kayfabe, a worked shoot. Like everyone’s pointed out, they’re not even spilling their coffees — yet! They’re saving the coffees for when Drew shows up, tries to break it up, and ‘scalds’ the both of them. One quick phone call to the personal injury lawyers at 1-888-YA-BURNT later and Ashlee and Shauna are sitting pretty in a brand new double-wide while Drew pulls triple shifts in the ER to pay off the settlements.” –Effluvius Erratus

“Isn’t Buck nominally supposed to be representing Jake Rowling/Kyle Vidpa’s interests here. I don’t think leading with ‘severe case of writer’s block‘ is going to help his bargaining position at all.” –Not Greg Evans

“This probably says more about me than it does about the comic, but goddamn it, there has never been a Six Chix that didn’t cause me to untether from reality and gaze into the abyss for awhile. Just… what IS this? The art is very unpleasant. The finger is wearing a crown for some reason. There is no joke present. And furthermore, the artist seems to know that there’s no joke present. Adding the words ‘dang teeny-weeny’ to the sentence ‘No paper cut was going to ruin her day’ — THERE AREN’T EVEN EXCLAMATION POINTS — does not a joke make. And yet, here we are. In despair.” –els

“All Drew really wants is to provide emergency first aid to hot sexy ladies, so this is a big day for him.” –lorne

“Wait. Yesterday, Ashlee and Shauna were slapping each other. Are we to interpret from this that they set down their coffees to do that, then picked them back up to throw in each other’s faces today? ‘I thought we could duel according to the ancient slap-fighting Code of Honor, but you dared to label me an &#^@%!! You brought this COFFE on yourself, wastrel!’” –Navigator

“Come on. Henry’s handicap is his personality.” –nescio

“She thinks there are more important things than golf! But golf is everything! The companionship, the sport, the unspeakable rituals, golf has it all! When our dread lord Pa’ar rises from the green, she’ll finally understand! THEY’LL ALL UNDERSTAND!” –Ahno neemus.

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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What’s that? Your top comment of the week? That’s right!

“I’m loving Billy’s Rebel-Without-A-Cause-cool lean here. ‘What are you rebelling against?’ ‘Whaddya got? No seriously, what do you got to rebel against, I have no access to the outside world or larger cultural trends.’” –Liz L

And your runners up are hilarious as well!

“I like the fact that Hi is seen having coffee with his breakfast and dinner, but beer with his lunch. The artist knows exactly how he’ll want to calibrate his energy levels to survive each part of this daylong family bore-fest.” –BigTed

“Kitty Cop is a series so formulaic and trite that an eight year-old can write the next installment in a week with no editing. The ostensible author of the previous books is incredibly excited about this realization. Somehow the fact that the walls keep changing colors in Vidpa House is the least incredible thing about this whole story line.” –But What Do I Know?

“Today’s Hi and Lois is squarely in line with the established characters, too: Hi can’t experience joy at all, Lois can if she takes amphetamines.” –matt+w

“Started out with ‘old people so blind,’ made a hard right into ‘old people so cheap.’ That’s a real M. Night Shyamalan they pulled there.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Remember last week when Shauna said Ashlee used to be a petty criminal and con artist from the wrong side of the tracks? Well, now Ashlee used to be a trendy, popular alpha bitch who ruled her school’s cliques with an iron fist. Do keep up.” –jroggs

“It’s one thing to make the punchline a pun. It’s another to expect us to believe that Shoe would shake off his ennui and misanthropy (misaviany?) enough to bother to go see the new pet of the woman who works at the diner he frequents until the bar opens.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I’ll continue to think of these two as No Neck and Way Too Much Neck.” –Joe Blevins

“I think L’il Sparky’s complete lack of hooves might hold him back as a racehorse as well. He just has those flabby mushroom-like pods at the end of his legs, right? All the traction of a sandbag.” –Twinkles+the+Elf

“Ahahahaha! It’s funny because Mother Goose is so poor that she has to sell her blood, but also so ill that she can’t find a buyer!” –Ettorre

“Miss Buxley is shirking her own work to do whatever this is, so maybe she and Beetle are meant for each other.” –nescio

“I like the look on Killer’s face. Halfway through digging Beetle’s grave, he’s the only one that seems to be registering the gravity of the situation.” –pugfuggly

“You know what would be ‘nice‘? If I didn’t have to sit here clutching my nose to keep my cadaverous flesh from completely sloughing of my head!” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“Good God! Grief has turned Judge Parker into Grandpa Munster.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“It’s nice to see these legacy soap comics get back to their roots. Rex Morgan, M.D. has a young doctor torn between two lovers, Judge Parker tackles the legal ramifications of a using a child’s work, and Mary Worth gets to help this old man through a mental crisis. All is right with the world.” –Flipper

“Cool! Drew will be able to wear a lot more watches now!” –made of wince

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, your comment of the week in a moment, but first: you might remember that a few days ago Blondie made a joke about Blondie’s long-ago roommate, which prompted me to muse about the strip’s early history. Well, faithful reader Mantipath managed to find a relevant Blondie strip from that era, in which Dagwood is about to marry said roommate (named “Irma,” apparently), but hasn’t shown up at the church yet because he’s all doped up on ether.

Blondie, 2/1/32

Truly, the past is a different country! A different country where there comic strips were printed larger in the paper and so had art that was a lot more detailed, also. Be sure to click/tap the image to make it bigger!

Meanwhile, here in the present, specifically in this week, we have this week’s comment of the week!

“Once, on a visit to the world-famous San Diego Zoo, I got to witness an angry confrontation between two Galapagos tortoises. Their furious visages, scarred faces, and hyperextended necks are perfectly replicated by Ashlee and Shauna in panel one. I will take the presence of the accompanying guttural groaning and hilarious slow-motion posturing as a given.” –Vice President John Adams

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I’m just relieved the joke wasn’t ‘Crankshaft is constipated.’” –a.

“I assume Ed’s tortured expression is because ‘crashing a vehicle containing mailboxes’ isn’t actually his schtick at all. This metaphor is flawed!” –Horace Broon

“Do you think Jeffy will mindlessly try and pledge his allegiance to anything with stripes? Have we ever seen him at the zoo?” –WLP

“Shauna proves right away that she’s a bad girl by being smoking hot right in front of a no smoking sign. Rules? Hmph. Rules are for good girls who return stuff they stole the day before.” –Weaselboy

“Skyler reacts with horror as he realizes his dementia stricken uncle has forgotten they can fly.” –nescio

“Good art can communicate deeper meaning with subtle visual cues. For example, Drew and Ashlee have matching colored shirts and her earrings coordinate with his entire ensemble, which causes the viewer to subconsciously connect the two of them as an in sync unit, united against this new threat. Shauna’s clothes, on the other hand, clash garishly against the gentle pastels of her environment, matching only the bright ‘no’ symbol in the prominent ‘no smoking’ sign. Ashlee is clearly a good match for Drew and can change and mature as a result of his good influence (he is an ‘influencer,’ remember), while Shauna is just trouble. It’s brilliant foreshadowing by the colorist, who uses… [touches earpiece] …sorry, this just in: apparently all of the food in Santa Royale is… beige? All of it? Really? Okay, wow. Never mind. Forget I said anything.” –The+Silent+Penultimate+Panel

“An interesting commentary on how pervasive capitalism is, to the point where we are unable to imagine relations of affections outside the concept of hierarchical workplace discipline imposed by the relations of productions… Oh sorry, it’s 1950s Dennis the Menace! I mean, wives be nagging!” –Ettorre

“You just can’t do a Zoom pizzeria. Sure, with a webcam you can see the discomfort on their faces as they choke down their third slice of grease and sawdust cheese, but no microphone is good enough to hear their stomach churning, and without the olfactory component of pizza burps and pizza farts, what’s the point? And when they run off to the bathroom, clutching their stomachs in agony, you can’t hear unmentionable fluids pour into an overtaxed toilet, you can’t smell waves of sickening odors flowing out from under the bathroom door. And that, my friends, is what Montoni’s is all about. So we’re reopening, and may God have mercy on our souls” –Voshkod

“I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a reference to an actual ‘bubbly blonde beauty’ that actually did flirt with Dagwood way back in the strip’s original incarnation 90+ years ago, even if that couldn’t have possibly happened that way given the state of the strip today. Sorry Dagwood, there’s no statute of limitations on memories in legacy strips; you bear the brunt of memories from well before you were born, and only the declining state of newspapers will keep them from remaining relevant well after you die.” –Morgan Wick

“I’ve never been conventially ‘hot’ before but even I know ‘Can you take a look at this rash and also have sex with me in that medical supply closet?’ is a shitty way to try and get back together with an ex.” –DevOpsDad

“Dermatitis? It looks to me like lycanthropy. So of course Shauna broke Drew’s heart. How else could she eat it, if not by smashing the breastbone first? Didn’t they teach you any anatomy at all at that medical school you bought your diploma from?” –seismic-2

“Serious question: Do backwards-cap wearers age out of it by the time they become pluggers, or will we eventually have a backwards-cap-wearing Andy Bear rolling his eyes at whatever science-fiction headdress tomorrow’s youth will be wearing?” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“Are parents embarrassing? Does a bear shit on your posts?” –Pozzo

“The daily haul from the Periodical Bodega: $50. Cost of labor? $70. But sure I guess. Are the computers safe? I wrote that sentence without yawning so I’m impressed with myself. Scintillating stuff, Gil Thorp.” –Jerp+Jump

“I’ll be right over, babe, as soon as I finish this efficiency study. Can you imagine, that lazy cleaning crew insists that normal-sized mops are good enough!” –Peanut Gallery

“Normally the straight men in the comics have exaggerated reactions to the lamest of punchlines, but check out Dustin’s dad: absolutely no change in expression between panels one and three. Almost as if he isn’t paying attention at all. Hey asshole, if this stuff isn’t interesting to you what makes you think we’ll like it?” –pugfuggly

“Mr. Waverling plans to liquidate all of his assets and blow it all so that, being a cartoon poor person, he will have to wear a barrel instead of a suit. The idea of a mortician trying to fit him into a casket like that amuses him to no end.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!