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Without any ado whatsoever, it’s time for your comment of the week!

“Notice the troll doll, symbolizing Trolls World Tour, the film that may have changed the course of history by bypassing theaters and going directly to streaming. To parents of young, hyperactive kids, the real heroes are the ones at DreamWorks Animation.” –Joe Blevins

And here are your very funny runners up!

“I love ‘Doctor Research,’ because it shows the semantic shift going full circle: Title for holder of expert knowledge -> Title for medical professional -> Generic title for superhero -> Title for super hero with medical background -> Superhero whose superpower is expert knowledge.” –Ettorre

“Everything in this strip looks vertically stretched. They must be foreshadowing the day when the unwatchable Lisa’s Story movie gets buried as a direct-to-video release in the wrong aspect ratio.” –Peanut Gallery

“I see Mark dialed back the affect on his Cherrybot 3000.” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“So … the evidence ‘suggests’ that Count Weirdly ‘may’ be lying. Good luck in court, Slylock!” –Zla’od

“Have any of you ever heard of a guy losing his dog on vacation then trying to convince his family that the problem might solve itself?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“You want your dehumidifier back? Fine. I’ll just keep my castle dry with my weather control device. I hope you like sunny days, because that’s all you’re getting from now on!” –A Concerned Reader

“For once in his life, Les is right. Lisa’s Story is not going to be Alien, since that was a good movie.” –seismic-2

“Mason pulling out a notepad and scribbling down, ‘bitter, petulant one-liners’ while whispering, ‘this is gold, keep going.’” –Dan

“Visiting an old man’s house right now is the most menacing thing he’s ever done, by the traditional metric of ‘Likelihood of ending in Mr. Wilson’s death.’” –matt w

“Dennis correctly points out that he and Mr. Wilson inhabit a timeless dimension inspired by the 1950s/60s period that most old white Americans would classify as the ‘Good Old Days.’ Last week was nothing but idyllic suburban life topped with meatloaf and ice cream, and the forecast for next week is the same thing. What’s your problem, man?” –pugfuggly

“If Saul is grumpy, maybe it’s because he still realizes that tens of millions of dollars worth of prime ocean-view property is being devoted to walking paths and water-thirsty landscaping around Charterstone, yet the condo board, dominated by Mary and Toby, refuses to allow any further development whatsoever. And since Saul will soon have his heart melted by a young person whom he might eventually want to mention in his will, he’d like his estate to include more than a heavily mortgaged two-bedroom that was last renovated in 1956.” –BigTed

“I like to think that Plato’s ‘Science Facts‘ is just Maxwell’s Laws and the Schrodinger equation, plus the text ‘go figure it out yourself.’ The dinosaur trivia is just Plato’s desperate attempt to make small talk.” –Marcus Theory

“I don’t blame Beatty for setting it up this way. After all, Rex actually doing regular medical work is a bigger ‘twist’ in this story than however he met June.” –2+2=7

“Leroy is the participation trophy of husbands. Somewhere, a single woman in the Lockhorns universe reaches middle age. A tube empties of goo, and a single Leroy, one of millions, steps out. When she wakes up, she will discover him in her house and a ring on her finger. Whether she wanted it or not, she has received her participation trophy, and there are no returns.” –Corynaut

“Loretta admits that Leroy isn’t really the problem and that she herself has never made more than a token effort. Call their bearded marriage counselor, this sounds like a breakthrough.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, a reminder that the Zoom show scheduled for today has been postponed but will happen in the future! Please email me at jfruh@jfruh.com and I’ll put you on the list to receive updates, and the URL when it eventually happens!

Happening today right on time: Your comment … of the WEEK!

“Today we address the age-old philosophical question: can Mary Worth create a storyline so dull that the strip itself cannot maintain an interest in it? The answer is ‘yes, if it’s about Toby.’” –Mr. A

And your very funny runners up!

“And that’s why I can leisurely sit around and drink on the job.” –nescio

“Notice the crude patches on both Doc Pritchart’s gown and the curtains. In Hootin’ Holler they don’t know how to spell ‘sterile’ and they’ll never have to learn.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Funky Winkerbean on weekdays: ‘Hollywood pursues dumb entertainment instead of supporting meaningful art like Lisa’s Story.’ Funky Winkerbean on Sunday: ‘I too would rather draw exciting and funny space operas.’” –Ettorre

“‘Just back from Miami‘ combined with sunglasses. Josh, that bird is on cocaine.” –Fattig, on Twitter

“I hope Toby just blindly follows a brownie recipe she finds online and accidentally gives everyone edibles.” –Eric Borer, on Twitter

“Has anyone ever said ‘Is that the face you’re going with this morning?’ and stayed married afterward? No, because no one in human history has ever uttered that sentence and lived to tell about it. Luckily, these two are about to jump right into an argument concerning dream interpretation, without even feeling sad that it’s the most interesting thing they’ll talk about today.” –BigTed

“Of course Alan Parker, the man who didn’t care one bit about prison reform until he spent a few days in minimum security lock-up, needs to contract COVID-19 in order for it to be taken seriously.” –TheDiva

“Listen, Mary, all that’s happened is that dumbass Toby has agreed to provide a dessert. That doesn’t merit an ‘all things happen for a reason,’ it’s not like she found Ian face down in a bathtub full of scotch.” –Northernlurker

“Is she cussing a swear or listening to that horrible swear music the kids listen to? When I was a kid, we just listened to [checks notes] never mind.” –Phil Gonzales, on Facebook

“Well Madi’s not a toddler anymore! She has PINK HAIR! and a PHONE! and listens to music with, uh, NEAR-PALINDROMIC SWEAR WORDS! Also, is she FAIRUZA BALK?” –pugfuggly

“This should be the shortest Mark Trail story arc ever. Andy’s owner is a vet, a vet who no doubt micro-chipped his dog that he lets wander around aimlessly all day. Truck driver, after cleaning what is no doubt 15 pounds of dog shit from his trailer, takes him to a vet, chip scanned, Andy returned. But this is Mark Trail so we probably won’t even see the dog shit until August.” –Terry McG

“This kid is going to be reformed in the process of making an instagram account for Saul’s bow tie wearing dachshund.” –Conynaut

“Ah, Westview, where red stop signs are considered too cheerful.” –Voshkod

“I was hopeful that Les was referring to Crazy Harry the Muppet, because Lisa’s Story with Kermit and Miss Piggy in the lead roles is something I really would pay money to see.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Clearly, Dennis asked to be here. He probably made up some impish excuse about being frightened. In truth, with his deep understanding of human frailties — gained from many hours of painstaking research on Mr. Wilson — Dennis knows that by acting as chaperone, he gives Alice and her dashing dentist the excuse they need to express their desires more openly. ‘Go ahead,’ he says, menacingly. ‘Nothing you do with me in the room could be that wrong, could it? Don’t you want to live deliciously?’” –Navigator

“I like how Lyle is putting so much emphasis on the word ‘living’ while saying ‘closest living relative.’ Um, does Madi have a lot of close dead relatives? How close are they, exactly? Is their house just stuffed with rotting corpses? I can’t decide whether staying with Saul is an improvement or not.” –made of wince

“Tater’s look of indignation in the second panel makes it clear he has no intention of divulging the secret of eternal youth to these degenerate hayseeds. It’s the Illuminati or no one!” –Peanut Gallery

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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UPDATE TO THIS: We are postponing this show because none of us feel very funny, what with what’s going in the US right now. But email me if you want your name added to the list and we’ll contact you with a new date and time when we know it!

A reminder to everyone: my beloved live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is at long last going to be live online — specifically on Zoom, at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern, on June 5 — a mere week from today!

How do you “attend” this show? Well, you’ll need a URL from me, which isn’t ready yet, and the easiest way to get it is to email me at jfruh@jfruh.com and I’ll put you on my list. (I won’t use use your email for any purpose other than letting you know about this specific show.) You can also say you’re going on Facebook, if that appeals to you!

I’ve never done anything like this before, so it’ll be a bit of an experiment, but there are four great comics on the bill and I’m very excited to try it out. So get hyped and I will hopefully “see” you “there”!

What isn’t experimental — what is in fact very tried and true — is sharing with you this week’s top comment:

“He called Buck ‘pal.’ Buck is nobody’s pal. Truck didn’t have Covid, he clearly has something more insidious that attacks the brain.” –Carl Karnuth

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Is Mark relaxing in the middle of his pot patch? That might explain his sudden fascination with politics and pigs. ‘It’s like, reverse 1984, man. You know, like under communism, hairy pigs weren’t equal? But under capitalism, all pigs are equal? Equal for the slaughterhouse, man.’” –Voshkod

“Martin and Mason make plans to sabotage their successful Hollywood careers together. Because in Funky Winkerbean you can either wait for the universe to ruin your life for you or you can beat it to the punch, experiencing the thrill that comes from outspeeding the Gloom Bringer. It all ends the same way, might as well go out on your own terms.” –Lionheart

“There’s only one director I trust with directing Lisa’s Story: Rian Johnson. Knives Out proves he can make medium-sized movies with unlikable characters. Last Jedi proves he will not refrain from killing some sacred cows. His Twitter account proves that he will deliciously irritate Lisa’s Story fanatic fan base, i.e., only Les.” –Ettorre

“In an acknowledgement of the arrival of summer, Fenris Ulfr vomits forth the sun.” –richardf8

“Don’t give her grief for getting the expression wrong; she probably hasn’t been talking that long. I mean, how old is she? (That’s not rhetorical; I literally have no idea how old these kids are supposed to be.)” –Pozzo

“So much has changed in this new age, as Dagwood bids a final farewell to his only real friend, locks himself in his concrete bunker marked only by an ominous warning on the steel door (tricked up to look like a normal door in an effort to thwart looters), and leaves Blondie, Alexander, Cookie and that asshole Dithers, nay, everyone, to their fate.” –Lawyerbob

“Dagwood should know superheroes never make the ‘ultimate sacrifice‘ since most of them come back from the dead all the time. Dagwood sobbed during the Dark Phoneix saga and wept tears of joy when Jean Grey came back only to break down when she died again — and came back yet again. Elmo is right. Dagwood really knows how to cover the important stuff.” –KMD

“Great flag, Mr B! It must be, what, 20 inches long and over a foot wide? The pride of the neighborhood!” –Just John

“I feel like the Venn diagram of people who watch internet concerts and people who buy CDs in 2020 doesn’t overlap at all.” –Rosstifer

“You guys, I think Mary Worth just cured everyone’s anxiety with a simple solution — just don’t be anxious. Brilliant! Why didn’t the rest of us think of this before? Sorry, Big Pharma and Big Therapy, you’ve been benched.” –Joe Blevins

“Buck’s head is so full of big ideas, his neck long ago gave up on trying to support it.” –Red Greenback

“I agree with Josh that the ‘eye dialog’ in this strip is annoying, as in Panel 1 where Miz Prunelli’s word balloon contains the word ‘enny’ in place of ‘any’, when of course they sound exactly the same. I believe the boldface ‘furst’ is in fact appropriate, however, since Jughaid is emphasizing that he knows what the correct word is, in contrast to his Unk Snuffy who would surely have said ‘fustest.’” –seismic-2

“We’re missing the real story here, which is that a Civil War reenactor is wandering around Camp Swampy, possibly violating the terms of his hobby by collecting information on modern warfare so he can change the outcome of the battle he’s taking part in. Why he’d do this is a mystery since he’s clearly on the Union side, and the 1861 capture of Parris Island was successful. Then again maybe the real story is he’s the one who really put Beetle to sleep with boring facts about daily life in 19th century warfare.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“The Lockhorns, ladies and gentlemen! Today, Leroy goes to extreme measures to get out of his gym contract! Remember gym contracts? Contracts? With gyms? You know, the hot, sweaty arenas where bodily fluids are continuously exchanged? Those brick-and-mortar businesses who, due to the pandemic and social distancing, have shuttered their doors and pivoted to pay-as-you-go online classes for a fraction of their usual membership fees in order to slightly postpone spiraling into bankruptcy? Stay tuned for tomorrow’s installment, where Leroy tries to get out of his marriage by shouting ‘Fire!’ in a crowded movie theater.” –Carsick Yankee

“Reprobate School has been good for Mike. The English department has already taught him a new word to add to his lexicon: ‘reprobate.’ Tomorrow: ‘lexicon.’” –Only Here For The Ads

“Part of me is sad that Hugo and I couldn’t make our romance work, especially after he moved to another country and we both started dating other people. I mean, we did everything we could, other than staying in the same country and not dating other people, right? Love is strange that way. Well, at least Jared will never leave me — it isn’t as if he could ever do better.” –BigTed

“Dawn had literally the easiest break-up in history, but if she didn’t stare wistfully into the middle distance and complain about it, she wouldn’t be the Dawn Weston we’ve come to know and… I mean ‘love’ is a little strong. Just ‘know’ is fine.” –Dan

“Yeah, I can see why they had to use Sam for this one and not Barfy.” –Zla’od

“‘Technically, we’re all part of the Universe, and the Universe is part of us. Connected together beyond time and the space between the stars, we are woven into a fabric that cannot be destroyed by any trivial differences of appearance or circumstance. Maybe the new hero could embody this idea?’ ‘Geez, who wants to think about any of that? I just want a guy who sparkles and hits people.’” –GeoGreg

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!