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COTW? COTW!

“Does Slylock see anything suspicious? He sees multiple species together in a room where bodily fluids might mix, a hothouse for zoonotic diseases. Like the axolotl-echidna pulmonary virus that wiped out most of mankind, leading animal to sapience and power. No, nothing suspicious here; just good policy designed to keep the few remaining humans down. Slylock smiles. The future is assured.” –Voshkod

Runners up? Runners up!

“‘Now that summer is here and lots of us are headed outdoors…’ Wrong on both counts, dipshit.” –nescio

“Relax everyone, Slylock is not a perv. Just a normal predator, hungrily eyeing all those succulent mammal babies.” –Peanut Gallery

“Extremely excited for the return of the producer who pitied Les for being a towering genius who crafted beautiful artwork that was too good, too noble for the crass world of commercial entertainment. It’s Les Moore jackoff season on Funky Winkerbean and it’s quarantine, NOBODY’S ALLOWED TO LEAVE” –Dan

“Fun fact, coral is an animal! I’ll bet it has been granted the same sentience as all of the other animals. Does it realize it’s wearing a diamond ring? Or is it oblivious because it has no eyes or ears or any other way for its sentience to interact with the outside world and is trapped in an eternal solitary confinement in which its sentience is a curse? Will Slylock recognize the sentient coral, or will he treat it like an inanimate object? Will it be a blessing or a curse when the coral’s solitude is interrupted by the trauma or Slylock snapping off an appendage to retrieve the ring?” –Glires

“Hugo is losing points in the ‘Fake French’ department. As at least Lois is wearing a beret.” –The Dimensional Otter

“You have to give Lois credit for effort since she’s trying to sell houses on New Year’s Day, Easter, Chinese New Year, Passover, and Nowruz. ABC, Lois, ABC.” –But What Do I Know?

“Remember, Jughaid is being raised by his aunt and uncle. Jughaid’s actual parents really were murdered in front of him, in the 1940s. He’s just so lazy it took him this long to turn into Batman.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Also, do you have a copy of your book where the title on the spine is listed as Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban? ‘Cause that’s the only way this plan of mine works.” –Joe Blevins

“It’s interesting that the receptionist is peeved that this patient doesn’t have a mask on but isn’t wearing one herself. She’s actually more likely than most people to be asymptomatic but contagious, given all the sick people she comes in contact every day. But why shouldn’t she be both snippy and hypocritical? This is the Morgan Clinic, and she’s staying on-brand.” –BigTed

“That’s the general idea, yes. But feel free to loudly say the words ‘cough, cough’ with your mask on. Onomatopoeia really helps Dr. Morgan diagnose symptoms.” –Mighty Sean Young

“That receptionist has just about had it with humoring people who feel a need to verbally clarify the obvious purpose of mundane objects.” –Christopher Robin

“Is Cindy pulling into the garage? No, she’s driving into a gaping black void, just like every other character in this godforsaken strip.” –jeltranksss

“Child Protective Services should investigate how many dangerous situations Rusty finds himself in — except that the landmark case Trail v. United States decreed that Rusty cannot be classified as a ‘human child.’” –Ettorre

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Comment of the week? You know it, baby!

“Beetle Bailey, in its way, is acknowledging the global pandemic. ‘Halftrack is a drunk, who hates his wife; and also his wife hates him, because he’s a drunk, as well as for other reasons’ is Beetle Bailey’s Saturday ‘joke’! On a Friday! In lockdown, we lose all sense of time; we drift rudderless in a sea of bitterness, anxiety, and fear, confined with our companions of happenstance, much like the denizens of Camp Swampy always have! There is no better comic for these times.” –a.

Runners up? You also know it, baby!

“Strange that Dagwood’s favorite foods do not include the sandwich named after him, the snack he named his daughter after, or the brownie-like dessert with his wife’s name. Eating grilled cheese sandwiches for Easter dinner, Dagwood will be full of loathing for himself and the women at the table. Good times!” –KMD

“Somehow, in this whole horrifying scenario, what offends me most is that chopped liver didn’t show up to defend itself.” –GTM

“Notice that the final speech bubble comes from a tree. None of the kids care about Kevin, but nature will embrace him, in this prosaic adaptation of Yeats’s ‘The Stolen Child’. Happy National Poetry Month!” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“The good news is that the pandemic is going to bring both Neddy’s Netflix show and Sophie’s political campaigning to a standstill, effectively muting two terrible stories at once. The bad news is that Sam may not survive the night. Wait, that’s also good news. This is a win-win-win.” –Joe Blevins

“Hugo’s a smart man. He’s keeping a tight grip on Dawn so she doesn’t glance to the side and fall hopelessly in love with any of the other air travelers.” –jroggs

“Did Hugo put on a suit to meet Dawn at the airport? Is he worried that his high-school-level French might not impress her anymore?” –Rita Lake

“Here’s an idea: Maybe Dawn should move the fuck out of a town where the only sexually appealing man her age is dating her Dad’s ex?” –Rosstifer

“‘Ba ba ba?’ ‘That’s right, Angus. Who run Bartertown? Angus LLC run Bartertown!’” –Voshkod

“Crankshaft’s not full of shit? I don’t believe it.” –nescio

“It was only later, much later, after the initial crisis had been attended to, that some in the household began to ask themselves, ‘Just why does Dolly keep track of who uses the toilet and when?’ It was a question which ultimately sent many therapists’ children to the finest colleges.” –odinthor

“I run into that sometimes in my line of work. People think they’re living this epic adventure of resistance and principle and no. Snuffy just hasn’t made enough to have to file; while bartering with coonskins for grits is technically income under 26 USC § 61, it falls under the de minimis exception.” –ArtistFKAtoxic

“I’m not really up on current events anymore, which is why I’m meeting multiple elderly friends for coffee.” –Dan

“Fer feck’s sake Dawn, that’s not a snooty opinion it’s just a fact: the bouillabaisse is probably going to be better in the region that inspired, invented and perfected it! You don’t hear him complaining about the American grape soda you apparently ordered for the table.” –pugfuggly

“So to recap: Meeting + Slide Show + Guest Speaker = Saving America’s Farms, but Meeting – Slide Show – Guest Speaker = Hoedown? I’m sure this goes without saying, but the world of Gasoline Alley was never meant for logic puzzles.” –Mighty Sean Young

“What stage of cyberpunk is ‘willingly living in a panopticon for self-erotic purposes?’” –Ettorre

“I’ll get copies to all the flop houses. I can just tuck them into their regular copies of Flop House Weekly.” –Peanut Gallery

“No, Elviney, you will never top the Barlows, because they apparently have something that puts them at the top of this barter economy: hard currency. They have cleverly stockpiled everything, knowing that their infusion of cash is about to spark runaway inflation in the Hootin’ Holler. What will you trade then, Elviney, for a sack of flour or that fishin’ lure? Only then will you truly see the value of your husband’s chicken thievery.” –Lawyerbob

“I love Hugo’s expression of alarm: ‘I am ze fwenssh hunk. If I look at les guerres d’etoiles, I weel become ze nerd. Mon dieux, zees cannot happen!’” –richardf8

“Look at the little smile on Hugo’s face, as if he’s quietly enjoying that he just stopped his girlfriend from doing something she was excited about. Is he enacting a plan to make her dump him so she saves him the trouble of dumping her? Making someone miss Jared is such an impossibly difficult task that honestly hats off to him for even attempting it.” –Jenna

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Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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It’s time for this week’s funniest comment!

“I don’t know why everyone is so surprised at this turn of events: if there’s one thing that gets everyone in Westview horny, it’s tragic deaths.” –pugfuggly

It’s also time for this week’s runners up!

“Why does the face in the tabletop picture frame have a black bar across the eyes? There is a level of kink in the Mitchell household that I’m not sure I can handle knowing about.” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

“You know you’ve hired the correct guy to write your medical-themed comic strip when the most meticulously researched thing in his entire career is the collection of names of alt country and roots rock acts scribbled on a dressing room wall.” –TH Steady

“I am dying to know what libertarian decided to commission a statue of Atlas in his local public park to protest his tax dollars funding it.” –Gareth

“I see the ‘Gil Thorp Random Name Generator’ is operating at peak efficiency.” –Lawyerbob

“‘The forecast says it might snow tomorrow.’ ‘Doesn’t matter. Or at least not to me, since I won’t be there. I’ll check in around May 10, to see how things are going.’” –seismic-2

“Look at Grampa, there! With his suavely-manicured moustache, self-assured air, stylish dress and snarky put-downs. We don’t see much of Grampa, for some reason. That’s possibly because visiting his grandson involves walking past Wilson, previously Sgt Wilson, whom Grampa strongly suspects to this day tried to frag his cosseted Ivy League ass that day in Da Nang.” –Hergen

“The questionable art in today’s Six Chix aside, I’ve lived in Chicago for thirteen years now and I do entirely agree with the message being conveyed here. Most neighborhood pizza joints around here serve a thin crust cut into squares, and I’ve both ordered and been served this style probably 90+% of the time I’ve eaten pizza here. Deep dish is eaten here, but somewhat rarely. So Six Chix might have done a public service by moving the needle on that … toward deep dish, because the thought of tavern style pizza having a face and cartoon ‘sexy eyelashes,’ winking at me as I gaze in astonishment at a hot, fresh pie just recently delivered, is deeply unsettling and I would prefer the entirely ordinary-looking deep dish to that horrorshow of a pizza slice, thank you.” –BorgHunter

“Not only is Doc Pritchard a hill person, the cast of Snuffy Smith also includes characters named Granny and Grampy Pritchard, who must be related to him somehow but seem to be roughly the same age, maybe a little older. Have things gotten so depraved in Hootin’ Holler that a person’s parents might also be his grandparents?” –Joe Blevins

“Well! I guess they don’t shit in the woods!” –nescio

“Given how much Polly has grown between the first two panels (from slightly above regular parrot-size to Big Bird) I expect a Godzilla situation by the end of the week. I look forward to finding out how Gasoline Alley manages to make this boring.” –Horace Broon

“Okay, nobody was anticipating the levels of social distancing we would be at now back when this Funky Winkerbean comic was being so lovingly prepared. The fact that they went beyond creepy to horrifying with the face touch is just a sign of this strip’s unerring talent for grossing you out.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“This is what you get if Jeffrey Dahmer wrote a spec script for Pixar.” –ArtistFKAtoxic

“So, Buck, what’s your life insurance situation? What kind of estate would your spouse stand to inherit, anyway? Big inheritances are SO sexy. Do you know anything about brake maintenance? No? Great.” –Cloudbuster

“You know a comic strip has gone off the rails when your reaction to the punchline is ‘Wait, what does Hi Flagston think nuclear annihilation involves?’” –Schroduck

“This makes no sense. Everything I learned from cartoons tells me that the one wearing the beret is supposed to be the director.” –Peanut Gallery

“I know Hi means well, but millennials fear climate change AND nuclear war. Like buying a house or having a pension, a mind that can only hold one existential anxiety at a time is a luxury for boomers and Gen X.” –Ettorre

“Sophie’s verbose smear slogan rolls off the tongue like a mouthful of bee stingers. At least the message is clear: Mayor Sanderson is a phony! Or … a talented performer that deserves a prominent role in this film, maybe? Sophie’s loyalties change so frequently it could easily be either.” –jroggs

Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!