Post Content

Folks, as we all shelter in place to help flatten the curve on coronavirus transmission, we’re gonna have a lot more time to dick around on the Internet. I plan to keep providing you with fun comics-mocking content, and I expect you to all up your commenting game! Here’s this week’s top comment, as an inspiration

“Okay, everybody listen up! I don’t want to hear any more insults until one of you has killed a wild boar and put its head on a stick. Out here, your social constructs are DEAD … so we’re all homeless until we get a shelter built!” –DevOpsDad

And your runners up! Very funny!

“So they went to see a terrible parody film, which turns out to be based on a Star Wars installment no one liked very much, at a time when people are avoiding crowded theaters due to fear of disease. I’ll say one thing for Mary Worth characters — when they get a bad idea, they really stick with it no matter what.” –BigTed

“Today’s strip really does nothing to advance the story, but if the narration box is in fact foreshadowing that eventually Dawn will get run over by a train, then I wholeheartedly approve.” –seismic-2

“OK, this is really concerning. She bought her coffee, got buttonholed by Randy, read him the riot act, walked off in a huff and pitched the coffee cup. When did she drink the coffee? DID SHE JUST WASTE PERFECTLY GOOD COFFEE?!?!” –richardf8

“You’d think the inner dialogue of America’s number one yenta would be more interesting.” –ZeroWolf

“You laugh, but when this plugger wins a Nobel Prize for his Woodchuck Incompleteness Theorem — proving that the very act of granting a woodchuck the ability to chuck wood would make the amount of wood indeterminable — who will be laughing then? Probably still you, because that’s a really dumb thing to get a Nobel Prize for.” –JJ48

“‘Care to explain this?‘ ‘Sure — see, the internet is a global system of interconnected computer networks that uses the Internet protocol suite (TCP/IP) to link devices worldwide. You might want to get a pencil and paper … it gets pretty complicated.’” –Pozzo

“Today’s Judge Parker comes out strongly in favor of Plato on two points. First, writing is inferior to oral teaching, because it is fixed. It is much better to have the original author to ask clarifications and further questions. Secondly, democracy is a bane and we should be ruled by a self-appointed class of superior people.” –Ettorre

“See that last panel? That’s Rex at his happiest, which he defines as the absence of unhappiness. It’s so unfamiliar to him that even his facial muscles don’t know what to do, he’s just tensing random muscles like someone was mashing a neural keyboard in his brain.” –pugfuggly

“This … this is Rusty’s LSD hallucination, right? That would explain the changing, misshapen faces and the fact that anyone wants to be Rusty’s friend.” –nescio

“I’m with Baleen on this. The beans won’t burn if you keep them covered with plenty of bilge water, but I would definitely be hesitant to accept a ride to the clinic from a guy who got his nickname from being in so many side-impact car crashes.” –Peanut Gallery

“I don’t know how I feel about this new, smug Rusty … or ‘Smugsty’ as he shall now be known.” –Tonya

“Well, I suppose Jared and I are actually in a relationship, just one in which we don’t have to live with each other or ever have sexual intercourse. I guess you could say we’re ‘Dr. Jeff-ing’. Yeah, that’s it. We’re Jeffing real hard.” –Mighty Sean Young

“Hmmm. A man and a woman are eating lunch together and engaging in stilted inhuman dialogue. Obviously they can only do that if they are aliens from the planet Zaurithian-9 pretending to be human engaged in romantic entanglement.” –2+2=7

“Wait… if Lena wasn’t on the team, what the heck was she doing there? Just coming in to sullenly watch from the shadows? Yeah, that sounds about right.” –The Dimensional Otter

“Great, now this comic has made me imagine how a figure-four leglock would work in a sexual context. I’m sure one of them would still yell ‘Wooo!’” –Rosstifer

“The question makes perfect sense. Monica says she saw them ordering burritos from a food truck, so she was eager to find out what that was on the way to doing. But the answer turns out to be nothing. As a nice touch, you can see her excited smile deflate into a frown, then need to be concealed by a long sip of coffee. The joke is that life is inane and pointless, which isn’t really funny but is always a classic in the newspapers anyway.” –pachoo

“‘Overconfidence was never something the Scapegoats had to worry about. You know what they did have to worry about? Brain-ruining head injuries!’ And they both shared a good laugh.” –Joe Blevins

“Sure hope he remembers some of his old wrasslin’ moves. Namely, when old-wrasslin’, don’t apply too much force or the bones will snap like toothpicks.” –Just John

Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Hey all! Just a reminder that TONIGHT, Friday, March 6, my live comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud, returns to The Clubhouse in Los Feliz in Los Angeles! It’ll be great, so don’t miss it!

But do you know what’s also great? Your COTW, that’s what!

“The normal reaction of a Bedouin family to the acquisition of a free camel would be pure joy. But of course, Crock isn’t really about North Africa. It’s about … well, I’m not really sure what it’s about.” –Rube

And the runners up are hilarious as well!

“That guy in Daddy Daze doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Everybody knows the most ticklish warden in the whole penal system is Albert ‘Bear’ Trijolo at ADX Florence.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I can always warm up the car and take everyone for a ride! We need just some more CO2 in the air to defeat winter forever.” –Ettorre”

“This may be the truest thing I have ever said: in Crock, no anatomy can be taken for granted.” –pastordan

“I like to think that his voice gets progressively louder as they walk home or wherever. He grabs random people and shakes them. ‘I’M A GODDAMN STAR WARS FANATIC!’ he yells, as Dawn just stands and stares into the middle distance.” –overtim, on Twitter

“I’ve been reading this fascinating book about squirrels! Did you know squirrels can be trained? So if I took, for example, a scarecrow, dressed it up in a band uniform, and stuffed it full of nuts, squirrels will eventual connect band uniforms with nuts! Anyway, enjoy the next football game, in autumn, as the weather is turning cold and the squirrels instinctively start hunting, desperately, for nuts. I know I will.” –Voshkod

“Can’t wait to see how the Mary Worth team tackles the delicate issue of May-December threesomes.” –pugfuggly

“I do note the … speed puffs? … visible in front of the reversing car are visible in Bumstead’s shot, so perhaps the joke is that they are desperately fleeing Bumstead. You can see it in the woman’s face — the conflict between being nice and the realization that freedom is actually possible and maybe worth being a bit rude about.” –toxic

“Opera is a gangrenous lesion upon the once lustrous skin of human culture and art, says the man who draws and publishes pictures of an infant smugly pissing himself roughly 300 days each year.” –jroggs

“Some of these kids are labeled ‘troubled children,’ making it easier to pass off their disappearances as ‘running away.’ If Thompkins wanders off during the hike, I wouldn’t worry too much about tracking him down.” –TheDiva

“I can’t be the only one puzzled as to why they specifically chose to call him Geoff as opposed to Jeff. It’s very distracting. My question is, what are they trying to distract us from?!” –Violet

“Is that why your pursuit of eternal youth has led you to undergo body modifications that gave you a 2 inch waist?” –TheRealAaron

“Their yoga may be a Tibetan form of meditation focused on ‘naked awareness,’ i.e., recognition of phenomena as manifestations of one’s own mind, without the mediation of conceptual discrimination. And Jared may object because he feels this to represent a misunderstanding of the nature of emptiness.” –Zla’od

“That’s great. Fantastic. I wasn’t feeling enough like I’m living through the apocalypse or anything, definitely needed to hear that Billy Keane knows what sex is.” –Dan

“This right here. This exact moment. This is the catalyst for Thel starting to have extramarital affairs before ultimately leaving the family. She’d thank little Billy if she could remember his name.” –Joe Blevins

“I like the way the neighbor lady stares out her door, but what’s she thinking? ‘We need a bigger fence?’ ‘Why is he selling rat poison like candy?’ ‘What will the neighbors think of me if I’m the one who finally calls CPS on that freak show?’” –Rocky the Flipped-Out Squirrel

“Squirrels are NOT absent-minded! They just bury more nuts than they need, in order to be sure of having enough. A certain cartoonist I can think of would do well to follow their example, where ‘burying nuts’ is a metaphor for ‘providing some content that would make it worthwhile for anyone in their right mind to read their stupid comic strip.’” –Peanut Gallery

“The DAGWOOD lies awake at night pondering how delicious his grandchildren will taste if he has the patience to refrain from devouring his spawn now. Spoiler alert: He does not.” –Dread

Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Hello everyone! Those of you #blessed enough to live in the greater SoCal area, or who are going to be blowing through our smog-choked paradise in the next couple weekends, have not one but TWO Josh-seeing opportunities before you! The first is tomorrow, February 29, at 5 pm, when I’ll be performing on the always fab Big Big Breakfast show in North Hollywood! And then the following Friday, March 6, one week from today, my own show, the Internet Read Aloud, returns to The Clubhouse in Los Feliz! Don’t miss either one!

And now, without further hullabaloo, here’s your comment of the week!

“Today’s little vignette in Snuffy Smith is colder than any Lockhorns panel. The man has his second, younger, and more beautiful wife carry around the urn containing his first wife’s ashes. ‘Yep, honey, this is where you’re gonna end up when you get older, and I’ll get a new wife to carry your ashes around. Heh, it’s the way of the hills.’” –Voshkod

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I want him to read the part about finding the first Warby Parker store in 1814.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Beetle Bailey has been around so long that sometimes it still engages in vicious Christian polemics against Sol Invictus.” –Ettorre

“Ha ha, it’s funny because once Beetle gets out of bed, he’s in for excruciating training sessions to prepare him for a battle to the death that he may not survive.” –The Dimensional Otter

“This being the Batiuk-verse, both Funky and Holly have failing memories because their brains are rotting from the inside out due to some terrible medical condition that will eventually kill them. In retrospect, this will be the first indication that something was seriously wrong. ‘Tell me,’ a doctor will grimly say, ‘do you sometimes have difficulty remembering which episodes of Mozart in the Jungle you’ve seen?’” –Joe Blevins

“Even that owl in the ridiculously high tree above Mark’s ridiculously large log-cabin house realizes that Mark probably left Dr. Camel out to freeze. ‘Yo-o-o-o-u, that’s who-o–o-o-o,’ it will hoot out into the night, either indicating Mark’s extreme guilt or the fact that it can’t make any other sounds.” –BigTed

“To me, the real humour in this strip comes in panels one and two, where the Funky and wife state the blatantly obvious to each other, in a way that makes me doubt that they know what’s really going on? Like, this is definitely the conversation of two people who have been caught in a mutual lie about loving basketball and are trying to cover it up by reciting phrases they’ve heard commentators make in previous games.” –pugfuggly

“Catman knows this guy’s completely lost it. No one in their decrepit peer group has been allowed to drive for years. They’ve pretty much run over every pedestrian in town.” –made of wince

“Has Mark’s house always been this weird-looking? It doesn’t so much look like a big log cabin as a bunch of little log cabins huddling together for warmth.” –jroggs

“This lady will get sued for libel in front of an all-hater jury. Prayer answered.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Looking at the featureless black liquid pouring straight out from the teapot, it’s becoming clear how everyone gets cancer in the Funkyverse. (It’s the jokes.)” –pastordan

“Jared: ‘And the whole controversy about whether Rise of the Skywalker was any good is such a moot point when you consider–‘ Dawn [head down, knitting laboriously]: ‘Uh huh.’ Jared: ‘–Plus there’s that whole thing with Snoke–‘ Dawn [leaning into her knitting more, focusing entirely on the stitches]: ‘Yeah, that’s great.’” –Lionheart

“The implication here is that despite her edgy appearance — the tousled natural locs, razor stubbled legs peeking out from under an indie rock band tee, a face contorted by a grimace — today’s character is actually quite milquetoast. She believes in a higher power, observes traditional holidays, and in her wildest teary-eyed rage, the best revenge she can imagine is a punchline that could easily be spoken by Ziggy. This chick’s a poser!” –Tonya

“You spelled ‘midnight’ wrong. Also, there should be a period after ‘LLC.’” –T Campbell

“Who knew the line was so thin between emotionlessly killing inanimate objects (boatsplosions, islandsplosion) and killing people? Mark Trail‘s readers now know.” –Baja Gaijin

“A vacant stare and the phrase ‘no doubt!’ are definitely the most useful skills for living with Mark Trail.” –Dan

“The sign contains ‘no’ misused ‘quotation marks.’ Disappointment я Us.” –Cloudbuster

“Pretty good taxidermy job on that geezer Cherry’s sitting on. Do you think Mark did it, or did Rusty watch a bunch of YouTube videos?” –Twinkles the Elf

“You’re right, Sam. If only I had a way to be the voice for those in need without running for mayor. Perhaps if I had legal skills and a license to practice law I could volunteer at clinic for the underprivileged. Or if I were a best-selling author I could write an expose of the prison system and donate the profits to charity. But that’s just wild fantasy. Nope. Gotta be practical. Running a vanity campaign for small town mayor is the only way to go.” –Where’s Rocky

“I’m very disturbed by the fact that Leroy’s and Loretta’s houseguest is in exactly the same pose I’m in when standing at a urinal and I hear someone come into the restroom.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I considered trying to write some kind of humorous comment referencing the deep misogyny involved in casting women simultaneously as spendthrifts and penny-pinchers, but then I decided to spend the day in the fetal position with the covers pulled over my head instead, as I typically do whenever I’m reminded that it’s 2020 and The Lockhorns is still ‘enjoyed’ by readers across the country.” –a.

“Snuffy’s not actually leaning on that stump, is he? It looks like his elbow’s propped against it, but he’s otherwise just maintaining an unsupported sitting position. Brother’s got some core strength!” –Pozzo

“Pluggers support testing makeup on animals.” –Quiggle

“I’m pretty sure a ‘plugger selfie‘ entailed holding an off-brand disposable camera at arms length while standing in front of a road sign declaring that Disney World is only 50 miles away. Squeeze in kids, there’s only 23 shots left and I guarantee that half will have my thumb in them!” –Mighty Sean Young

Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!