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Beetle Bailey, 2/26/05

Look at ’em! Bunch of lousy peacenik hippies! Not a decent pair of pants or shoes in the whole bunch!

On the bright side, though: tube tops. You don’t get those at a pro-war rally.

By the way, I know I live in a blue state and all, but do they actually have pro-war rallies? Like, people carrying signs that say “BOMB ‘EM” and stuff?

Anyway, this strip features Rocky, one of the lesser-used Beetle Bailey platoon members. The writers like to come up with a new one-dimensional character every few years and beat his lone joke to death slowly and painfully (good ol’ Chip Gizmo is current holder of this honor) before relegating him to the supporting cast. Rocky’s heyday must have been back in the 1950s or so, because he gets his name from the fact that he likes the durn “rock and roll” music that the kids are all hot and bothered about these days. I always confuse him with Killer, whose distinguishing characteristic is that he likes the ladies (he’s a ladykiller, get it?). If Killer were used in this strip, it might have made a vague sort of sense (yes, that midriff-baring pacifist again). As it is: sorry, but no.

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Mark Trail, 2/25/05

You know, when you go on a long trip, manage feuding love interests, fight artifact smugglers, get knocked unconscious and left for dead by vicious drug-dealing taxidermist/veterinarian duos, and dribble water all over the place for hours on end in defiance of all known laws of fluid dynamics, when you come home, you just want to take off your electric blue sports jacket and relax. You certainly don’t want to deal with the fact that your adopted son has come down with a bad case of hydrocephaly, with his right arm withering to a freakish stump to boot. God damn it, Doc, we leave the kid alone with you for … um, how long has it been exactly? Feels like about a year and a half. Assuming that the freaky little bastard hasn’t become a hideous mutant and that the third panel isn’t supposed to give the reader a window into Mark’s PCP-distorted worldview, I’m guessing that it’s supposed to depict Rusty running headlong towards his returning family members. Though it may very well be the PCP thing.

By the way, Mark’s “Bill is a smart man” comment is probably the single cattiest thing that’s ever been uttered in this strip. Seeing as Mark used to date her too, its implications become more alarming the more I think about it. “Bill’s probably just using her for sex … you know, like, I did … um, wait, did I say that last part out loud?”

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Apartment 3-G, 2/22/05

Mary Worth, 2/22/05

So, you know, one should separate work from play and all that, but, as it turns out, there’s a wireless network I can hook onto from my condo here in Bermuda (thanks “blackfalcon,” whoever you are), and I had already brought my laptop for other reasons, and, well, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD ANNA IS INFERTILE AND MARGO IS INVOLVED IN SOME SORT OF BABY-SELLING SCAM HOLY CRAP! and so I really felt like I should say something.

Of course, Mim could just give her baby to Anna and Dr. Brian — problem solved! Also, maybe it’s just me, but the whole “do ya think one of my virile little sperm successfully fertilized your succulent, feminine egg last night?” discussion doesn’t seem particularly romantic. Or sexy. Or even pleasant. The woman sitting behind them feels the same way, I think.