I eat again at the so-called Soul Food place, and yet again I fail to consume a soul. Am I misinterpreting the signs, or is this place lying to me? The owner pries into my writing. I tell him only truth, and he seems troubled. Perhaps his soul is troubled. I could calm it. I could devour it. His partner is nowhere to be seen. The restaurant is empty. Today I will eat soul food.
The Middletons, 11/3/05
Remember, gentlemen: masculinity is about many things: strength, leadership, dignity. But mostly, it’s about creating a web of deceit to cover up any and all forms of weakness.
This public service announcement has been brought to you by the Middletons.
Shoe, 11/2/05
Hey, Shoe, FYI, Madame Butterfly was a character in a Puccini opera. She’s a fifteen-year-old Japanese girl who marries an American naval officer, is abandoned by him, and then kills herself due to shame. Her potential fortune-telling abilities are unexplored, though you’d think that she would have managed to avoid her unfortunate betrothal if she really did have the Second Sight.
Personally, I think Madame Zoo Doo is just trying to distract our attention from her name and its no doubt shameful origin, which possibly involves gibbon scat.
Mark Trail, 11/1/05
You may have noticed that Mark Trail dropped off my radar in late August. That’s because, despite a set-up that promised grim power struggles, attempted murder, and mouth-foaming insanity, nothing has happened of any interest for weeks and week and oh god oh god no no no no. Boyd was going to have rabies … except then he didn’t … but then he did … but then he got back to a hospital in time. Scott and Lynn were going to try to murder him … but then they didn’t, except for this one really half-assed attempt on Lynn’s part. After many sitcom-level almost-revelations, at least we actually found out that Scott was destined to guide BoydCo into the glorious future of … whatever … it is … that … it does. And today we learn that Lynn’s mighty slap on Scott’s face a few days ago precipitated the end of their scheming, murderous union. Hopefully a future strip will show Scott stepping over Lynn in the gutter as he strides with his new, non-sociopathic wife into a fancy country club.
There’s only one thing standing in the way of that glorious vision: Scott’s swung so far from bad to good that he’s going to spill the beans on his previous designs. This, it seems to me, is a Bad Idea. There’s two ways that this could go: either the two gentlemen could have a hearty, manly laugh about that whole attempted-murder thing, which will just reinforce Mark Trail’s camp value at the expense of any other value of any kind; or the confession could trigger Boyd’s latent rabies, and he’s just gonna start biting the hell out of stuff. Either way, it’s all good with me.
Speaking of quick and laughable resolutions:
Spider-Man, 11/1/05
Is every potentially hazardous encounter between Spidey and this dastardly doctor going to be resolved by dumb luck? Has Peter Parker been endowed with the relative deus ex machina-inducing ability of a spider? Is Spider-Man going to come perilously close to exposing himself in every strip from now on? Keep tuning in to find out!