Archive for February, 2008

Hey everyone, I know what you’re thinking: “Early comments of the week? Does that mean that Josh is going to be going on another vacation?” Sure does! But for a lucky few, that means you’ll get to meet me in person in Tucson next Friday. I’m going to try to make this a regular part of my travels, so perhaps this will ease the pain of my vacations somewhat. In the mean time, you’ll be in the hands of the inestimable Uncle Lumpy ’till Monday 3/10.

Oh, and before the CsOTW, I do have something for your delectation from faithful reader Andrew Leal: a compilation of the greatest panels from retired Gil Thorp artist Frank McLaughlin:

Ahhhh, takes you back, doesn’t it?

Anyway, here’s this week’s COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Hey, look, Lu Ann! Wolves! Here, let me throw you to them.” –Darkefang

And the runners-up … also hilarious

“Tuesday’s FBoFW is dreadful, in the sense that it genuinely inspires dread.” –Trilobite

“Pray all you want, Frosty, summer’s still coming. AND WITH IT YOUR DOOM.” –Inspector Dim

“When Dee married into the Patterson clan, she became The Human Uterus. She exists solely to incubate, birth, and raise Michael’s spawn, so all her deprecated body functions (abstract thought, aesthetic pleasance) have been steadily degrading ever since.” –commodorejohn

“Shouldn’t [the snowman] be given some clothes to wear before he starts praying? At least Frosty had the decency to put on a hat!” –BigTed

“Yikes. You could stick a cello in Funky’s crotch, and I don’t mean that in a good way.” –gkl

“Maybe Snowman Larry would be happier if he had some GIANT FUCKING GLASSES. You know, like the most striking and easily drawable visual feature of the real Larry King. I understand you can’t draw the smell of Vick’s Vap-o-Rub and cheap hookers, but I think the Keanes could have tried a little bit harder on this caricature.” –The Other Commenter

“‘Belly Laffs’ is truly baffling. Where is this published? in Terrible Joke A Day Weekly? She’s typing, so it appears not to be a comic strip; one has to imagine the joke without the accompanying picture, which, to be fair, would make it easier to ignore.” –Evan

“Snowman Larry King looks kind of beat down. He probably just noticed that Josh has paired him with ‘Belly Laffs’ and realizes there’s something worse than melting.” –kingklash

“It’s the smug smile of satisfaction on Jenny’s face as she ‘writes’ this tripe that gets me. As if she’s sitting there convinced that she’s churning out Pulitzer winning material and is at that moment planning which hideous turtleneck she’ll wear when she accepts the award.” –ConcreteQueen

“A-Train doesn’t seem to mind the intrusions though. He’s too busy trying to impress her with his suave, ‘I know how to purchase a money order’ smile.” –# ar_d

See ya next Monday, everyone! Be nice to your favorite Uncle.

Ziggy, 2/29/08

Sometimes, it’s important remember that we all have a huge, aching hole inside of us, a hole of hate and despair and pain and loss. What can fill that hole? Love, of course! Except that nobody loves us. So, we’ve got to go with the next best thing: food. Food is almost like love, except in the sense that if you absorb enough of it, you’ll probably throw up. But still, you keep eating those milkshakes that are literally larger than your head, Ziggy. Because maybe this time it’ll make you feel better. Maybe this time.

Shoe, 2/29/08

Ha! It’s funny because the only thing he hates more than his wife is talking to his wife! Thankfully he’s in a bar with Shoe, where his wife can’t possibly go, because she’s a lady. Don’t worry, fella: Tasty brown liquor doesn’t expect you to hold up a conversation!

Apartment 3-G, 2/29/08

Man, how much smack is running with Alan’s veins right now? Just saying his name make Lu Ann look all heavy-lidded and blissed up. “I can’t wait to tell Alan … Alan … so nice … Alan … [falls out].”

Apartment 3-G, 2/28/08

Good lord, is there anything more divine than imagining a timid and baffled Lu Ann on some sort of weird A3G approximation of The View? I can just see her shrinking with embarassment further and further down into her seat as Whoopi Goldberg and Elisabeth Hasselback scream at each other about the merits of modern art or something. Then Margo would burst onto the set, slap Whoopi and Elisabeth, and, eyes flashing with fire, bellow “This interview is over!” at Barbara Walters. Next, taking off one shoe, she’d…

…OK, I’m officially a little too excited by this scenario.

Gil Thorp, 2/28/08

The sad Tale of Andrew The Abandoned Boy continues, with the A-Train forced to boil things for his little siblings while his father heroically protects U.S. State Department officials with Blackwater. Today, I’m mostly troubled by whatever the hell is going on under the narration box in panel two. It looks like Andrew is programming some sort of 1950s-era computer, complete with a slot for a punch card. Perhaps the artist thinks that once a check is “direct-deposited,” one can extract the money from ENIAC?

Site note: I’ve finally done something I should have done years ago: I created a privacy policy for the site. Take a look, won’t you? (Update: I just made a few quite minor tweaks thanks to suggestions, including adding details about PayPal.)

Family Circus and Marvin, 2/27/08

Marvin and the Family Circus have apparently decided to keep hammering home these appalling running gags until we beg for mercy. Well, I’m officially begging. Please stop. Please?

Of today’s entries, I find the Family Circus more baffling and disturbing. It seems fairly unlikely that any normal child — or even a Keane Kid — would have the slightest interest in CNN’s resident deranged, babbling 97-year-old talk show host, or even the vaguest idea as to who he is. There’s also something unsettling about the sight of anyone — even a snowman — wearing suspenders but no pants; in particular, the fact that they seem to be affixed to his naked hips implies some kind of kinky piercing situation that believe me, you don’t want to contemplate really at all but especially in terms of Larry King.

Meanwhile, Marvin’s ongoing “Belly Laffs” horror has made the subtle shift from “You know you’re pregnant when you occupy more volume than usual” to “You know you’re pregnant when your mass increases.”

Funky Winkerbean, 2/27/08

“You know what else is expanding rather aggressively? The angle of my legs! Check out Funky’s Winkerbean, baby. You know you want it.”

Apartment 3-G, 2/27/08

By coincidence, Margo’s dialog in panel three is also pretty much the sum total of her foreplay techniques.

I thank everyone for your e-mails! You always keep me up-to-date on the latest comics-themed insanity from the dark recesses of the Web. But today there’s been such a flood on two items that I feel I should share them with the rest of you:

• We all had a good laugh at Garfield without his thoughts; but are you ready for Garfield minus Garfield? When will the nonstop abuse of poor Arbuckle end?
• Fark.com frequently has Photoshop contests, and today they launched one based on Mary Worth. Probably not safe for work, but utterly hilarious.

For Better or For Worse, 2/26/08

AT LONG LAST, THE COUNTDOWN HAS STARTED! Yes, the discovery of this priceless family heirloom starts the clock ticking towards the inevitable merging of Liz and Anthony into a single pasty, spineless entity in the eyes of Canadian law. Since the whole story of Liz’s young adulthood has been the systematic quashing of any and all attitudes that come from outside The Family, obviously whatever she wanted to wear will be cast aside and replaced with this dress — which, if every crawlspace I’ve ever encountered is any indication, is yellowed, mildewy, covered with mouse feces, and smells awful. Oh, she’ll look so beautiful walking down the aisle oh-so-carefully to make sure the ancient, moth-eaten thing doesn’t disintegrate!

Dick Tracy, 2/26/08

OK, Dick Tracy, we all know you get some kind of grandfather-clause pass on gruesome violence, but do you really expect us to just sit back and laugh at your artist villain who basically has a set of testicles for a chin? You know, it’s all fun and games to call Grandpa Jim “Grandpa Chin-nuts” or make fun of poor Clambake, but at least with those characters you don’t get the feeling that the artist actually has some scrotum photos out to use as a model.

Dick went through some bizarre and wholly unrealistic process of tracking down art supply sales to figure out that Dab Stract was behind whatever incomprehensible skullduggery is afoot here. But if he didn’t find the artistic representation of human beings to be a sinful arrogation of God’s exclusive power of creation, he could have probably just, you know, looked at the “gross” paintings and recognized the style.

Family Circus, 2/26/08

Those “cool friends” snowman “joke” cartoons are apparently going to continue for as long as there’s snow on the ground, or until our wills are broken, whichever comes first. Today’s kneeling, praying snowman illustrates a bit too much the limits to the traditional three-sphere school of snowman construction. When you’ve got essentially three giant balls of decreasing size, it looks fine. But when you sketch in leglines like this, it just looks like you’ve got a devout snowman with an enormous ass.