The Comics Curmudgeon

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Naked lunch with the Trails

Mark Trail, 3/28/07

OK, yesterday’s zany talking rug was obviously just the lead-in to the full-on peyote-drenched nightmare that is … this. Sometimes people say things in the comments before I read a strip and I think, “Oh, they’re exaggerating” but … that potato in the first panel is talking. It. Is. Talking. It … JESUS AND SHE’S GOING TO PUT A KNIFE RIGHT THROUGH IT! Panel two is obviously a “world as perceived by Cherry’s drug-addled mind” view: the reason her skull is so unnaturally bulbous is because it’s full of people who talk and argue without her opening her mouth; the look of sheer panic and disgust on her face indicates that she’s ready to crack her own head open just to MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP FOR GOD’S SAKE MAKE IT STOP. The rather pedestrian scene of a giant bear ratiocinating in the final panel is prosaic and calming by comparison to the horror that came before.

Judge Parker, 3/28/07

Comprende? Comprende? OK, seriously, now they’re just fucking with us. Someone has ordered the dialogue in Judge Parker to be translated into “foreign.”

They’ll Do It Every Time, 3/28/07

NOTE TO ALL PERSONS NOT LIVING IN YEARS PREVIOUS TO 1965: When your spouse or partner says, “I’m so sick of doing chore X,” the correct answer is, “I’ll do chore X tonight.” OH YEAH!

I can particularly see why Catastra might be so tired of doing dishes, since it seems that this family of three has managed to dirty dozens of them in the course of a single meal.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 28, 2007 at 08:05 pm and is filed under Judge Parker, Mark Trail, They'll Do It Every Time.

149 responses to “Naked lunch with the Trails”

No Evil Monkeys
March 28th, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

TDIET: I have never, in all my born days, seen anyone do that. Maybe this strip needs to be retitled They Won’t Ever Do This, And Anyway It Wouldn’t Be All That Funny If They Did.
Reedzilla
March 28th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

I had a hard time making it through the comics today; I was too busy being terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought after seeing the gigantic inflating heads in today’s Gil Thorp.
drewbobw
March 28th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

Holy {margo} first comment!
In order to abide by the sacred rules, I must now say something worthy of this spot:

MT: I believe the quaint cottage is talking, not the bear. Talking houses fit in the with other memes already established in todays strip.

Drat. I sadly reliquinish my duties as first poster.
drewbobw
March 28th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

Crap. Not only can I not spell, I’m slow to boot. Goes to show you kids, don’t post and drink.
Lenore
March 28th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

Has anyone EVER actually started to bus their own table in a resturant. I mean seriously. Grabbing a mustard jar or an extra fork is one thing, but the whole table. That’s what we have talentless actors and illegal immigrants for.
Hysterical Woman
March 28th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

The people around her probably think she’s trying to steal all the dishes. In fact, maybe she is. If you keep getting new dishes you don’t have to clean the old ones, after all! (Not recommended)
gnome de blog
March 28th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

I’m revelling in Neddy’s disgust and disappointment in French pick-up lines. She’s probably aching to get mugged by Mohawk boy.
Daisy
March 28th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

They most certainly did not Do That Everytime when I waited tables.
Squawk
March 28th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

MT: Well, she’s obviously interrogating the potato under duress, which is why it’s ‘fessing up. Try it yourself — hold a knife up to a potato and ask it a question and see if it doesn’t start singing like a canary.

JP: The fact is I’m learning a lot of French over the course of Abby and Neddy’s Parisian adventure. I hope they go to Berlin next because I’m dying to learn German!
Soujin
March 28th, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

HEY WAIT. I LOVE YOU.

…That is the most random and wonderful attempted pickup line evar. It’s certainly better than HEY WAIT. SHOW US YOUR BREASTS.
Bill_S
March 28th, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

TDIET: when I first looked at the panel, I read her name as Castrata. I’m not sure which name is better. But if I had a daughter, I’d name her Castrata before I’d name her Loopina.
willethompson
March 28th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

The potato has its own gig now! See this link and scroll down.

Damn those sentient potatoes! I guess the ‘eyes’ have it.

If the British potatoes had charged Bunker Hill, would the Americans have shot only when they saw the the eyes of their whites?
Trotzenbonnie
March 28th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker – Kookie, pretez-moi votre peigne. Et la bande de 77 couchers du soleil est de cette facon. Ainsi fous le camp.

TDIET – Not only do I stack my own dishes but I never even throw my peanut shells on the floor at Texas Roadhouse. So there!
onesock
March 28th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

i have to admit, i initially read “catastra” as “castrata,” which would have no doubt made the punchline much more disastrous for mr. genderroles.
FREE HOWARD NOW
March 28th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

Castrata is the way I saw it, too. It’s much funnier that way. I think she wanted to be helpful so they could leave a smaller tip.

Ratiocinating? This is only the second time I’ve ever seen this word in print (and I’ve never heard it pronounced)
kat
March 28th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

“Wait, your friend FAKED HIS DEA–hold on, let me grab these potatoes and start making dinner immediately because I am Cherry, your wife and woman, and must therefore serve you, Mark, my husband–FAKED HIS DEATH IN OUR LAKE? Chicken or fish?”
Moon Mullins
March 28th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

I’m sure Cherry really won’t use that knife on talking Mr. Potato. She probably will stash it away without Mark seeing, so she can have a nice chat with it later.

Afterwards, she might give Mr. Potato head.
Virginia
March 28th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

Trotzenbonnie: I bus it too! Partly from habit after years of practice, and partly because I hate talking and having someone’s arm move in front to grab my dish.

JP: So, the uh…punks (?) are scaring off the “Whoo Baby!” motorists so they can…mug Abbeey and Neddey? This seems like a lot of unnecessary work, as well as calling attention to themselves. Sureley there are plenty of lost American women being ignored by motorists they could rob instead.
Red
March 28th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

MT- If Cherry was an actual, non-creepy eyed woman: “And you think Dan put an oxygen tank under the boat during the night?…Mark, that’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.”
Kurdt
March 28th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

I go to restaurants often
I bus my own food when I’m done
I read to sick kids on weekends
And act like I’m having fun
Its not to feel good about myself
Or have some void re-filled
Its to make up for the horrible things I’ve done
And for all the wino’s I’ve killed
phil
March 28th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

I logged on to follow the exploits of April and her immenent deflowerering and I get “They Do It Every Time”? I feel cheated… more Foobville please!
treedweller
March 28th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

Is the potato taking credit for Mark’s idea? Or was Mark trying to take credit for the potato’s idea? I wonder.
willethompson
March 28th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

Oh, let’s give the JP artist Barreto some props. That’s former artist LeDoux’s name on that cafe in the second panel…
Trotzenbonnie
March 28th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

Since we’re on the subject of potatoes….
http://www.entertainmentearth.com/prodinfo.asp?number=HS02338
What the hell?
zqfmgb
March 28th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

y’know, maybe le punk franÃ§ais is actually so hardcore-lower-class that he can’t afford to conjugate his verbs properly.
Trotzenbonnie
March 28th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

Wille –
I’m no neurologist but…
http://www.cns.nyu.edu/home/ledoux/index1.htm
willethompson
March 28th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

TDIET/FOOB crossover:

FIRST PANEL: “So your boyfriend scores some Mogen David and wants to be the Mats Sundin to your open goal…”

SECOND PANEL: “…but the parents come home early from your brother’s stupid party, so Gerald goes CURBSIDE! Oh Ye-a-a-a-a-ah!”

Thanx to
A. Patterson
Foobville, Ont.
Canaduck
March 28th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

Uh, Kurdt (20), did you make that up?

If so, bravo.

In other news, that potato is the most exciting character Mark Trail’s ever had…well, not counting Molly.
Red Greenback
March 28th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

The name’s Castrata, Loppie Castrata…Dah dah da da , Castata….dah dah da da… Awright, I was doin’ the James Bond thing here…so sue me Broccolis!
Selena
March 28th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

Okay why are people shocked by talking potatoes? When I was growing up my mother made talking potatoes. They would huddle in the pot whispering to each other to be quiet then each one would howl a death scream as she chopped them up for potato salad. The boiled eggs would then just jump in the bowl resigned to their fate. Mmm potato salad.
Red Greenback
March 28th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

I’m no philatelist, but I…got nothing…
Kurdt
March 28th, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

Wow, someone liked my poem! go me!
Rusty
March 28th, 2007 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

Obviously Neddy has never heard the old saying : “The French they are a funny race; they fight with their feet and fuck with their face.” Then again maybe she has, she expected much more from the asshat in the car.
Pendragon
March 28th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

This is nearly the quintessential Mark Trail — meticulously rendered animals and landscape, mutant humanoids, stilted dialog punctuated by exclamation points in balloons that randomly point to things that should never speak. The only things it would need to be perfect are Mark uttering “What th’?” while delivering a right hook to some guy with sideburns.
PeteMoss
March 28th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

Boxcar Saturn! Talkin’ Taters!
Rubber Church of Alligators!

Smack my own head with a barky stick!
Margo! Dan! And Ranger Rick!

GO MILFORD!!!!!!!
Anonymous
March 28th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

The TDIET Squid Count 2007, whilst on the face of it a splendid idea, is sadly hamstrung by the apparent fact that Scaduto no longer deems squid related shout-outs funny. This, IN SPITE OF THE FACT that squid are inherently sure-fire comedy dynamite. But as it is always more rewarding to count things that actually happen, perhaps we can also count the (far more regular) incidence of commentors who post something along the lines of “First Post!” when in fact they are actually in real life the third or so commentor to post. Of course to know the exact number for certain, we’d have to go back and re-read all of Josh’s posts this year. And who wants to go and re-read Josh’s posts? I mean, other than me?
Smitcat
March 28th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe no one has pointed this out yet, but that animal in Mark Trail is obviously, “smarter than the average bear.”

But maybe I’m just showing my age
Junior Tracy
March 28th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

I bused a great many tables in a prior life, and I never once encountered anyone like Catastra. In fact, I’ve seen far more faux-hawk sporting Frenchmen with oddly-designed knives than I’ve seen TDIET people.
Colleen
March 28th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

In my experience as a waitress, a lot of former waiters/waitresses will bus the table a bit. Most people don’t though.
Anonymous
March 28th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

I swear when I saw today’s Theyâ€™ll Do It Every Time I thought that the name was Castrata. It was not until I saw from the text of the strip that the focus was the wife. Then I realized that it was not about the emasculated husband. Too bad. The story line I was creating was much more interesting than the trite offering, as is the norm.
Tracer Bullet
March 28th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

MW: Yes, my precious. Soon you’ll tell me all your secrets and my plan will be complete. Mu-hu-ha-ha
Len
March 28th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

#17 — Cherry gives Mister Potato head? [moan!] Only if he’s a despotic ruler… You know, a dicked tater.
stinky pete
March 28th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

35 PM: a BWA and 8 HAs!

36 Anon: Re-read all old posts? Been there, done that, ain’t ever doin’ it again. Not till CC2K anyway.
andreavis
March 28th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

I’ve only ever stacked my own dishes at the Waffle House, because they would insist on serving every item on its own little plate. I hate sticking my elbows in grease and syrup, so I stack as I go.

Catastra has a great scam going– if I could get out of cooking by whinging about the dishes, it’s a win-win situation, and I’d ‘do it every time’.
reader-who-posts
March 28th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

MT: That potato is the smartest person(starch) that been in Mark Trail in months. Also, is that Molly in the last panel?

BC: I wonder how the advice rock economics work. Is the fat broad expected to give this idiot a clam or two for advice about car mechanics, or does he just stand there and shout advice to anyone who gets close to him? I thought cavemen spent all day trying to get food, so how can he afford to stand by a rock all day giving out advice about things that haven’t even been invented yet?

MW: Oh, yes, Mary will meddle in Vera’s affairs, have no doubt.

RMMD: June is such a good mother.

Luann: “E-dress”?

Crock: I think the potato in Mark Trail is smarter than the cannonball in Crock.
Blynneda
March 28th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

I think Judge Parker is about to teach us an important lesson about judging people based on appearances. The menacing-looking punks are following our American heroines all over Paris because they want to help! In fact, France in general is a reversal of expected roles: thugs and hookers are pure-hearted; businessmen are black-hearted cads. That’s just how they roll.
queek
March 28th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

31:

Who needs a hobby like tennis or philately?
I’ve got a hobby: rereading Lady Chatterley.

(with thanks to Tom Lehr.)
Must remain anonymous due to shame
March 28th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

It saddens me to admit that I know this…in the second panel, Mrs. Mark Trail looks exactly like Holly in that reality TV show about Hugh Hefner’s Playmate girlfriends. Or maybe the Playmate looks like a cartoon character. Either way, I need to spend less time watching TV and more time on the Internet.
Dean Booth
March 28th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

Tomorrow on MT: The pointers on the speech ballons curve back around and the ballons start saying themselves! The Mark Trail universe begins to implode: animals grow to enormous size, women’s heads inflate, vegetables philosophize, children randomly shift from young to old and back again. Just another day in the Lost Forest.
Dean Booth
March 28th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

* And worst of all, people been to spell balloons with one o!
Norville Barnes
March 28th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

Being relatively new to the CC world, I still get shocked by things you long-time readers gloss over as old hat. In this case, I can’t believe that TDIET uses “little woman” and “one-gal cleaning squad”. I mean, I knew that strip was powered by long-antiquated ideas, but…wow.
Moon Mullins
March 28th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

#49: You will be pleased to know that you can find a lot more about Playmates on the internet than even on TV. Plus, it is easier to keep the Playmates from walking off-camera on the internet. Don’t tell anyone about this though, most folks think the internet is educational.
Sheilagh
March 28th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

Inter-follicle communication — yikes! I’d be shaving the retro pompadour right OFF, Cherry — I mean, it just won’t shut UP. And when I’m trying to listen to a potato, too…
BunnÃ«
March 28th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

My first thought on seeing JP was, hey, that’s Spanish. Then I thought, it’s French too, but there’s something wrong with it… and I didn’t get any further because then I thought, hey, why’s the punk scaring off the John? What’s his angle? I want to know.

I swear to god I started following this just so I could be annoyed a how wrong this was as a portrait of Paris, and instead I’ve been sucked into the story. And I know how this goes, I won’t find out what’s going on until summer, at least. By the time Abbey and Neddy make it to that “transfer station” I’ll have returned from my own trip to Paris which is currently only in the planning phase.

But hey, did you notice? The asshat in the car is smoking a cigarette! They did do some research on the activities of real Parisians.
Dactyl
March 28th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Did you know that the potato peeler sounds just like Towlie on South Park? At least, it does when my husband does its voice.
beauregardTbuntsee
March 28th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

A talking bear? Don’t be absurd. That’s a talking house. It spends most of its day texting the potatoes, which is not as easy as it sounds if one has no hands and fingers.

Note to Cherry: schizophrenia can be treated. New treatment options are available.
Dean Booth
March 28th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

#10 Soujin, “SHOW US YOUR BREASTS“?? Sounds like a pickup line at Liberty University medical school.
under_score
March 28th, 2007 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

36: anon. I first read today’s TDIET thusly:
“She’s a one-gal clean-up squid.”

(sigh)
Ed Minchau
March 28th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

#29, I thought you were doing Copacabana.
Ed Minchau
March 28th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Memo to Sally Forth: Yes, Ted is bored with you. Yes, he’s been obsessing over Spanish-language soap operas lately. But no, it’s not for the women.
Ed Minchau
March 28th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

#15: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ratiocinating

More information on words can be found on the internet.
Islamorada Girl
March 28th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

MT: Arrow Butt bear (remember him?) zeros in close to wait for Sunday’s discourse on the folkways, lore and plain old good home cookin’ of the lowly potato. But it’s too late.
HBGlord
March 28th, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

MT: Spudly can’t understand the hostility toward it.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 28th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

I guess JP used “comprende” because the Mary Worth people have the exclusive rights to “capisce.”
Ten Day Dinosaur
March 28th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

Godamnit. I had that exact same pickup line used repeatedly on me… In COSTA RICA (which, for the geography impared, is not, in fact, in France.). By creepy old men on the curb and creepier young men in cars, while I was in my high school uniform. It took me a while to figure out that it was normal, entirely harmless, and not really serious.

My point? Before I figured out that I didn’t have anything to worry about, I was the one who pulled a large knife and used it to pointedly clean my fingernails. It worked. Abbey and Neddy need to grow some metaphorical cojones.
Ten Day Dinosaur
March 28th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

#60: I beg to differ. Most Spanish soap operas are estrogen fests, true, but some involve more guns than tears. I’m thinking about that one about cowboys in modern Mexico that I never understood (even when I understood every word… see Gil Thorp). For a novela, it had some glorious explosions and gunfights.
Jeff Coleman
March 28th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

Dean Booth:

Your misspelling was particularly appropriate to today’s installment because “ballon” is “balloon” in French!

Jeff
Gg83
March 28th, 2007 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

I think the worst (or possibly best) thing about this strip is that with just the tiniest bit of planning before creating the comic, Elrod could have created a strip that didn’t look like Cherry’s lice were conversing with each other. Seriously. I was mentally rearranging it to see if I could fix it, and then, since I’m strange and possibly a bit pathetic, decided I would try it for real. Check it out. (And please give a holler if you can’t see it.)

I left the talking house (or bear) panel as it was, because a) it’s relatively clear what’s going on, b) there wasn’t really a way for me to fix it with my limited artistic skills, and c) it’s not a proper Mark Trail strip without a talking building, vehicle, plant, and/or animal (giant or otherwise). Yes, there have been a few MT strips without those, but I consider them non-canon.

I also took out the “Sally,” because Cherry’s phrasing implies that Dan has a wife Sally, and a wife Tildy, and a wife Lara, and possibly a wife Castrata…anyway, it’s vital that she specify who she’s speaking of when she refers to Dan’s wife.

Of course, I didn’t really improve it. The original had a talking potato, for CHENNUX’ sake. It is beyond my power to improve on that.
Soujin
March 28th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

#57 Well, I AM pre-med. XD
Poteet
March 29th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

3/29 —

DT — Geez Louise, even I, who was irrationally enchanted with the Queen of Diamonds, can’t stand this (Margo)ing stupid second panel. Why is the Queen shaped like a double balloon? How hard would it have been to give her A-line robes that went down to the ground? And a headpiece that draped down onto her shoulders instead of sticking out in the air? Her outfit would still have been fundamentally insane, but at least it would have had some dignity and consistency. And…umm…upon rereading this, I think maybe I’m not playing with a full deck myself.
Moon Mullins
March 29th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

#69: I thought you were pre-law?
Moon Mullins
March 29th, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]

Great news! If you enjoyed Cherry’s conversation with the potato today, you are in for a conver-tater of a different kind. in the just-up 3/29 strip, she’s playing question-and-answer with her vagina.
Moon Mullins
March 29th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Cool! What a day for monologues fans!

In the 3/29 Judge Parker, Abbey is chatting with Neddy’s vagina!
Joe Bftsplk
March 29th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

Ok, Mark Trail has violated basic protocol this time. I mean, it’s one thing to have a foreground creature or character blunder into the trajectory of a word-balloon whose intended target is nonetheless fairly obvious. But, criminy! Neither of the smaller balloons in the first two panels are anywhere near their source character. There’s no way you can look at “That’s what I believe happened!” and see any plausible way that it could be coming from anywhere other than that potato. Or that the “Probably!” is anything other than Cherry talking to herself. Maybe all those long decades of wilderness isolation have finally pushed her over the brink, and Mark is sitting there with a ten-inch chef’s knife embedded in his heart while Cherry carries on conversations with the vegetables and the bears and the rugs and the unknowable voices clamoring in her shattered mind. Oh, she knows what he did, all right, yes yes. We always know, always see. Don’t we, darling? Do stop slouching at the table, dear. And in the fourth panel the potato would be saying, “Un-un-unless, that is, unless you don’t b-believe that, in which case, it’s completely something else, you’re right, oh god please don’t slice me!” and starting to sob uncontrollably.

I don’t know what kind of process comic strippists use to create their stuff these days. It looks almost like the strip was being digitally composed, and Elrod forgot to move the word-balloon objects to where they were supposed to be before sending it off. I can’t accept that these balloons were meant to be where they are. If it were a talking eggplant, now, it would work, as a Slylock Fox crossover, but a mystery-solving potato doesn’t make sense at all.

And, “oxygen tank?” Why an oxygen tank? Why not just an air tank? Who would use pure oxygen for this? Why would even a potato say “oxygen tank” and not “air tank?” Why?
Joe Bftsplk
March 29th, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

#68 – That’s it exactly.

Or, alternate word balloons for panel 2:

“I will take the ring to Mordor!”
“…though I do not know the way.”
Desdemona
March 29th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

Is it wrong that I find the unidentified be-mohawked man more attractive, now that he’s pulled a knife? I don’t really want to think about what that says about me.
GG
March 29th, 2007 at 1:05 am [Reply]

You guys haven’t been paying much attention to earlier Judge Parker’s have you? In earlier strips, the ominous punk rockers were talking to each other in English for no discernible reason (check 3/17/07). Now one’s talking in French, English, and Spanish. He’s obviously an American himself, falling back on his other languages when he can’t remember the French for complicated words like “understand.” Just one American looking out for another. Much like the woman from Brooklyn studying sociology (prostitution) this young man is probably from Chicago and studying economics (mugging). By the end of this little French episode, there will be a whole collection of lovable American students/street criminals.

I like how the woman at the other table at TDIET is staring at Catastra stacking dishes in confusion/horror. “Someone stacking her own dishes?!?! What has the world come to?”
GG
March 29th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

I forgot to mention that I fully support the surrealist turn Mark Trail has taken. I can’t wait until it becomes the adventures of a talking potato and floating rug, solving crimes in Lost Forest and battling giant animals who talk out of their anuses. Unfortunately, they’re just as hard of hearing as Mark, so they still need to shout all their dialog.
Randy S
March 29th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

72: The conversation with her vagina probably wouldn’t be that weird, except that she’s doing it in front of a giant wooden duck / planter that suddenly occupies most of the living room.

Either that or the peyote hasn’t worn off yet.
Randy S
March 29th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]

Personally, I wonder if Elrod did it all on purpose, so that someone would be inspired to do a Mark Trail / Zippy the Pinhead mashup

Imagine Thursday’s MT with the following dialogue:

Mark: This non-competitive chicken is th’ antidote to th’ Iron Chef
Cherry: It’s what separates us from the creationists
Cherry’s vagina: There. Now to mildly electrocute myself.
Mark (putting arm around Cherry): I’m bonded.
Trilobite
March 29th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

You know, this is the first time that I can honestly say that Mark Trail is COMPLETELY AWESOME. Usually it’s all blah blah this and misshapen head that and giant animal out of fucking nowhere, but this strip…for once, the art and the writing is a perfect match. It’s like a mystery story crossed with a Tom Stoppard play crossed with Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, only with an extra helping of giant bear and a gripping scene where Mr. Potatohead gives up the goods at knifepoint.

Sadly, the rest of the series can’t hope to top this. But I’ll remember this day fondly for as long as I’m drunk, I swear.
Trilobite
March 29th, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]

On the subject of Thursday’s A3G, could someone help me out here?

Okay, I get the fog part. We’re seeing what LuAnn’s thought process is like: a dark and hazy journey through an endless void, where nothing useful can be found. Plus, she’s slowly asphyxiating on paint fumes and whatever happy gas her skeevy landlord is pumping through the air ducts.

Here’s where I’m stuck: it has been so long since anything’s really happened that for a moment I thought this bland-looking “Alan” dude was the guy who’s been sexing up Margo, before remembering that that bland-looking dude was named “Eric.” So I ask you, who the hell is Alan and how did he end up being so unlucky as to be the one single person, place, or thing that LuAnn actually remembers?
Red Greenback
March 29th, 2007 at 3:46 am [Reply]

Randy S, et al: It’s now obvious to me Jack Elrod reads the CC, and is playing us like a Stradivari banjo.
Frank Parsnip
March 29th, 2007 at 3:47 am [Reply]

Castrata and her husband went to a restaurant with that many dishes left behind on their table, or is she creepily moving about from table to table taking dishes away from other people? Perhaps her life would be easier if she just had a couple of Pluggers around to lick the plates and bowls clean.

The Mark Trails of the past few days have been taken over by a bit of “Look What’s Talking Now” fever. If current trends of making movies out of comics continues, I can only hope that “Mark Trail: The Movie” (”MTTM” in Variety) will have all the excitement and laughs we’ve come to expect.
Jack Parsons
March 29th, 2007 at 4:10 am [Reply]

Pre-med? Pre-law? Not much different: they’re both larval and viciously sabotage their fellow students.
Tracer Bullet
March 29th, 2007 at 5:03 am [Reply]

Apparently, “playdowns” has something to do with curling. I didn’t do much research, but I didn’t see the word used with any other sport. What it means and why one would use it instead of “playoffs,” the term used for every other fucking sport in the known universe, is a mystery. And what the fuck is wrong with those fucking uniforms? WHAT CENTURY IS THIS! WHAT UNIVERSE IS THIS?! WHY DO I KEEP READING THIS COMIC STRIP? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? AAAAAUUUUUGHhuuuhhh. (collapses into shivering, weeping pile)
dreadedcandiru2
March 29th, 2007 at 6:17 am [Reply]

FBoFW: Jeez, if Elly thought April was trying to hide something, you’d think she’d say so or something. But no, you get some lameass third degree and non-answers that only fan the flames. I guess the older sister will catch the Martain’s moron boy-toy after all.
dreadedcandiru2
March 29th, 2007 at 6:26 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Jeez, Batiuk! We GET it. The crusty old fart is a smug, hate-filled incompetent with job security. What we got here is a typical bureaucratic nightmare. You know how some poor slob has to kill himself on a dangerous stretch of road before they fix it? Y’gotta wonder how many innocents that grumbling meathead gotta snuff before they do the world a solid and can his worthless ass!
Pozzo
March 29th, 2007 at 6:51 am [Reply]

Okay, last time around, it “was a number of wives all over U.S.A.” Today, it’s “Hubby.” Scaduto doesn’t actually get leters anymore — he just listens to the voices in his head.
Squid Countess
March 29th, 2007 at 7:13 am [Reply]

I don’t understand the 3/29 Marmaduke. He’s too tired from sex with all these little dogs to walk home? He’s drunk? (I didn’t say I didn’t like it; I just don’t understand it.)

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/29&name=Marmaduke
Len
March 29th, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

#72, 79, etc. — Everything talks in Lost Forest! Such a bunch of tongue-wagging blabbermouths, you could go mishuggah hoping for a moment of silence.

Jack Elrod will be coming out with a new assortment of Mark Trail (TM) talking dolls and action figures. A glib potato, an eloquent ursine, mooses that pontificate through their anuses, Mark’s lisping underwear, and Cherry’s wise-cracking camel toe (”Chatty Twatty”). Collect the whole set.

Or take your medication.
srah
March 29th, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

I really wish Luann would stop saying “E-dress.” I let it fly the first time, but now I think she’s taunting me. It makes me think of egress.
drewbobw
March 29th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

A3G: Ooh, the dream fog has shifted from MW to A3G. All we need now is for Mary to decide to meddle in these girls lives. She’d be booked for at least a decade with their problems.

DtM: Dennis really knows that the “cookie” jar holds the Wilson’s retirement savings.
Plinko Commie
March 29th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

TDIET: Suggested new title for the strip — They’ll Do It Every Time During The Eisenhower Administration
Chris
March 29th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

Meanwhile, in Funky Winkerbean, the first panel finally shows us the appearance of one of those sousaphone-speaking teachers in Charlie Brown.

Or maybe some Los Angeles smog.

Well, it’s probably just someone’s afro, but my point stands.
Hogen Mogen
March 29th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

#6 – Hysterical Woman The people around her probably think sheâ€™s trying to steal all the dishes. In fact, maybe she is. If you keep getting new dishes you donâ€™t have to clean the old ones, after all! (Not recommended)

I don’t know if your hysteria has flawed your logic, but allow me to point out that the plates that you would be stealing would be dirty and you’d have to clean them when you get home anyway. Don’t go nuts on me, Mrs. Hysterical, I’m just saying not to do it.
Laura
March 29th, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

9CL – Thanks, McEldowney, I’ve had plenty of time to catch my breath since the dizzying quick-change between the “Seth wants Edda to mother his baby” and “Edda is wearing stockings” storylines. I am still kind of fuzzy on how Seth plans to raise a child, but I am totally clear re: Edda, stockings, and which one is wearing which. We can move on now.

FW – Speaking of fuzziness re: baby-obtaining storylines, have they every made it clear what the grown-up bully (coach?) is actually doing (adopting? giving up a baby? something?) or is every strip of the form

PAST SNAPSHOT: bully does something bully-ish
PRESENT SNAPSHOT: grown-up bully has the least interesting part of a conversation (”Hi.” “Hi, what’s up?” Next day: “Something big and important is happening!” “Oh, what?” Next day, to someone new: “Hey, how’s it going?”)
Enchilada
March 29th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

TDIET: Actually, If I were married to a woman named “Catastrata” (sounds squirmily like__) I’d take her out every night for a YEAR if she wanted….
SatanicMechanic
March 29th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

“Catastra” should have been “Castra” cause shes got no balls.
UnderstatementJones
March 29th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp: Why, why, WHY must it be “the playdowns?” Also, where did Christopher Walken come from?
Brendan
March 29th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

#77 – Yet somehow he knows it the first time. And also he maintains his curteous demeanor at the guy he’s threatening with a knife, and calls him “vous.” Not to mention taking the time out of his busy protecting-and/or-robbing-tourist schedule to say “you have heard the lady.”

Here, I would have said “t’entendris la dame,” (not to mention “comprends-tu” or even “entends-tu”) but I clearly don’t have the same kind of politesse as that street thug.
scuppers
March 29th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

OMG — The subject Judge Parker strip is using macaronic text! I only found out about macaronic text this week, thanks to Language Log, and already I get to use it in a sentence. My day is made!

also, the talking potato, and Josh’s comment, I put my head down on the desk and laughed hard enough to scare my staff into checking on me
Hysterical Woman
March 29th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

95: Yeah, I realized that soon after posting. Umm, but it’s still free dishes! Score!

66: I think Ed is suggesting that Ted might be more into the hombres than the mujeres, if you know what I mean. (He’s freaking gay!)
Buck Ripsnort
March 29th, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

Obviously, Lost Forst is on the Island of H.R. Puffenstuff, where every object talked and I had such a crush on Jack Wilde.
BunnÃ«
March 29th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

t’entendris is what tense?

I would have said t’as entendu…

In other news, last night I dreamt Galactic Emperor Chennux was in my bathroom. Thanks, everyone, for invading my sleep.
RoskoP
March 29th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

MT: “Dan was always a prankster, but if he did what I think he did, he’s gone too far!”

Oh, that Dan. What a kidder! Those guys from the rescue squad who dredged the lake for hours? Man, they got PUNK’D! Hoo, boy!

Also, I think the magic carpet made the lamp in Panel 1 disappear.
Whifflehen
March 29th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

I just want to point out that my wife pre-buses the table after we eat in a restaurant, and, as a matter of fact, she does it… every time. Oh yeah.
Patrick
March 29th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

I called it that the punks would be helpful and kind. I called it. Comprende.
Ukulele Ike
March 29th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

96: Laura, I figger Seth is hoping to become a daddy not IMMEDIATELY, but somewhere further down the line. Edda’s only a year or two out of high school, so Seth is….what? Twenty-one or something? No clue has ever been given.

Seth’s BF Mark has to be a bit older, right? We usually see him in a suit and tie. And he’s either a successful artist of some kind, or he runs a gallery. Anyone have any idea?
kingklash
March 29th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

“Everything but Comprende” will always be the proper response to the question.
T. Chicana
March 29th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

The Mary Worth-style thought bubble for today’s Foobs would go something like this:
When Ellie asked if April watched a reality T.V. show whilst babysitting, April would answer “Umm, not exactly…” (then, the thought bubble: “But if it was, it would be X-rated, ohhhh snap!”)
Non-Shannon
March 29th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Edda’s MY age? She seems more like a 30-something to me. I think it’s her old-timey sensibilities.
T. Chicana
March 29th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

…and also, what in the devil is Gerald doing still standing outside the door?! Run like the wind, fool! He’s BEGGING to get jacked across his forehead with a runaway model train!
Pozzo
March 29th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

Okay, I’ll assume Scaduto (frequently) uses “Catastra” because it’s like “Catastrophe,” but he had to recognize what the majority of his under-80 readership would read that as. Couldn’t he have chosen “Disastra” or “Cataclysma” or “Calamatina”? Or does he just enjoy fucking with us?
Randy
March 29th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

In many states, a husband’s description of his wife as the “little woman” has been held to justify splitting his skull with an ax.
Brendan
March 29th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

#105: “T’entendris” is the simple preterit, i.e. “comprehendiste.”
RestlessWanderer
March 29th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Hmmmf, Castrater probably went on strike and hasn’t done the dishes in a week. Hubby just slogged through 10 hours at one of those horrible sweatshop TDIET people work at, and now she’s getting all passive-aggressive on him. They’ll do it every time!
srah
March 29th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

#116 Brendan – Je pense que la conjugaison du mot “entendre” est plutôt “entendis” et non pas “entendris”. Mais de toute façon, personne ne parle au passé simple. Ce n’est qu’un temps littéraire.

(French majors in the house, what what?)
RedLion
March 29th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

How on earth can someone mistake comprende for FRENCH?!

Or perhaps these French ruffians are in fact members of FARC who have run away from Colombia and taken their fight to the mean streets of Paris.
srah
March 29th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

I kind of saw the “comprende” thing as a shout-out to Curmudgeonites, like “Yeah, I know my French sucks so I’ll just throw some Spanish in here.” English speakers might throw “comprende” into their dialogue semi-ironically so I didn’t really have a problem with a French-speaker doing so.
AirForbes
March 29th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

MT: It’s official – Spudly The Talking Potato is the most popular character since Molly the Bear.

82 Trilobite: A3G definitely needs to limit itself to one bland-looking dude at a time.
doug rogers
March 29th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

Trotzenbonnie, thanks for that link in #24.
HBGlord
March 29th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

JP: Maybe it’s like when my wife and i were in Istanbul and the notoriously pushy merchants would try to size us up nationality-wise, barking at us in several languages as we walked by their shops, gliding from English to French to Spanish to German — but saving the konnichiwa for the more East Asian-featured tourists. Naaaah — JP is just bringing its patented stoopidity panlinguistically.
BunnÃ«
March 29th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

#118 Yes, the simple preterit (tu entendis) is not used orally anywhere as far as I know, and certainly not by street punks, even street punks who call everyone “vous”.

As for “comprende”, maybe this is that mishmash of French, English, Portuguese, and Spanish that the pirates used to use, savvy?
Jei
March 29th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

Okay, as for TDIET. I worked in a restaurant for 3 years, and during those three years I’ve only ever had a handful of people do what this lady is doing. Some people are just nice to the busser, so they stack the plates for you and put all the napkins/uneaten food onto the top plate. Since I was a dishwasher/busser for most of those 3 years, I greatly appreciated this, but it is not something they’ll do everytime.

I once had a person bus their own table, and attempt to wash their own dishes (and it was a guy!) Crazy!
Brent
March 29th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

I’ve looked at the 3/29 MT and I swear that Cherry is talking out of her ass.

Neddy’s vagina on the other hand is part of a dialogue.
Jeanne
March 29th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

I get the feeling Punk boy was hired by someone to either protect Neddy and mom, or to do away with them. Being that this is Judge Parker, I’d say it’s a toss up of which is the worse fate.
Anonymous
March 29th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

Not sure how many of you read Rhymes With Orange, but if you do, she’s forgotten at least one major use of tissue.
Paul
March 29th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

I think the comprende was supposed to be comprendre, i.e. possibly a typo. Not that comprendre is a big improvement, but at least it’s French…
Frinkenstein
March 29th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

There’s little doubt in my mind that that “I love you!” guy is in fact an undercover police dude instructed to protect the heiressess ess ess. He flushed out the punks, has been introduced to the readership, and will reappear to save the day when the punks make their move. Mark (Trail) my words, I’ll be proved right in — oh — probably September.
Foobaphobe
March 29th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

I don’t understand the anti-Mark Trail sentiment which permeates this site. I like everything about this comic, from the name of the protagonist (manly and outdoorsy) to all the cool drawings of skunks and chipmunks and beavers, to Mark’s totally hot wife. It’s refreshingly unlike the usual suburban hijinks or blah, featureless backgrounds of most comics. Please, let’s have a moratorium on MT bashing and look for the good instead. Like his uncanny abuility to draw Canada geese and chickadees! Now FOOB, on the other hand, cannot possibly ever be hated and ridiculed enough. And as for Cathy…
Douglas E. Iannucci
March 29th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

1. Your note regarding TDIET certainly applies to me, since I am not living in any year previous to 1965. In fact, I am presently living (as it were) in the year 2007, which is 42 years after 1965, and so I will heed your advice about offering to do chore X when my partner or spouse complains about it.

2. Is that a “page boy” haircut the kid has? Is the blue-shaded woman in the foreground of the second panel eavesdropping? Questions! Questions!

3. As an acknowledged idea contributor (see last 24 November) to TDIET, let me say that I am fond of non sequiturs. I mean actual non sequiturs, not the comic strip named after them. I’m not saying I don’t like that comic strip, but I just wasn’t talking about it just then. I was talking about honest to god non sequiturs. I’m sure Non Sequitur is a fine comic strip, but I just wasn’t talking about it just then. Maybe I’ll discuss it in the future, but not now.
Douglas E. Iannucci
March 29th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

I applaud # 131’s defense of Mark Trail. It’s well-drawn, and it’s not pretentious in the least.
Chris
March 29th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

#131
#133

Well, credit where credit is due. It’s far from pretentious. The humans may look a little similar to each other and slightly deformed at times, but it’s still far better drawn than many newspaper comics. Six Chix, anyone?

And if we’re admitting our fondness for Josh’s objects of derision, I’m a fan of Funky Winkerbean. Yes, it’s got those damn smirks everywhere and some of the punchlines are weak, but I can’t help but like the storylines.
Buck Ripsnort
March 29th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

For that matter, TDIET is a big improvement over the trail-string-on-the-floor-and-photocopy-the-results artstyle of Cathy. Then again, so is tertiary syphilis.
Holy Prepuce
March 29th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

Just in case there were some obscure tense or mood in which comprendre would conjugate correctly as comprende, I checked. And there is not. If you were getting all informal on someone and asking if they understood, you might use comprends, but that’s about as close as it gets.

Perhaps knife-weilding punks in Judge Parker’s Paris speak sarcastic Spanish just like Americans, and he really does mean Â¿Comprende? Or perhaps the author is attempting to convey this troubled fellow’s poor understanding of his own language. The only problem with this theory is that comprende, if an actual word in French, would sound more or less the same as comprends (at least to a non-francophone). This gives rise to the metaphysical question of whether a cartoon dialogue-balloon represents the linguistic intention of the speaker or the understood meaning of the listener.
Techinin
March 29th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

#129 – “Comprendre” means “To Understand” which wouldn’t be said out loud to anyone not taking une dictee.

Tomorrow, one of the punks will probably acknowledge the girls’ thanks with a “No Problema” thus beginning the butchering of a 2nd language on JP.
skooter
March 29th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

MT – the point of this strip is that Mark is showing off his amazing skill as a ventriloquist, which I’m sure keeps his wife endlessly entertained. “Oh, Mark, you’re talking out of the potato again!”
SatanicMechanic
March 29th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

This is interesting. I never read Mark Trail on my own- just see it here. Thats not to say our paper doesn’t carry it. It’s on the fold in the comics section, as is Garfield, so I’m too damn lazy to bother to read it. But when I do, I’m always glad, because you get all the effects of drugs without paying any money.
evie oh oh
March 29th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

what’s the difference between mark trail and judge parker?

In Judge Parker “hook” is a verb and In Mark Trail “hook” is a noun. A very suspicious noun.
Don, the Rebel Without a Blog
March 29th, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

The potato can’t understand Cherry’s hostility.
GG
March 29th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

#101 Brendan-I believe there’s actually two men in the car (check the earlier strip), so our street-punk is in fact not being polite but instead being grammatically correct.
RedLion
March 29th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

134, I also love FW…mind-numbingly depressing though it may be.
King Folderol
March 29th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

#9 – That is correct. Potatoes will cave and start talking if you hold a knife to them. Use a gun and they’ll sing the entire first act to “The Pirates of Penzance.”

JP – I’ve resisted on commenting on this lame story for so long, but I’ve got to break my silence. C’mon. I mean C’MON!!! This whole thing is so ridiculous. It’s making me root for the thugs, except the thugs are so lame that I don’t know who or what to root for, except perhaps for some of the cancer from Funky Winkerbean to start injecting itself into this stupid strip.

TDIET – Hey, give Scaduto credit…for him, taking the wife out to dinner when she complains about a chore is a progressive idea. In his day, the husband would have given the wife a taste of the back of his hand for such uppity backtalk. We’ve come a long way when TDIET doesn’t resort to sexist violence.
dale
March 30th, 2007 at 2:21 am [Reply]

44 – andreavis
I don’t like sticking my elbows in grease and syrup either. You think there are more of us?
There could be a side benefit: If you stack the dishes, they’ll stick together –> they’ll have to be seriously washed before the next puddle of nastiness is served on them.

hysterical woman (?)
Stealing the dirty dished might work if you carry them towards the kitchen. It would be sorta like the fellow with the wheelbarrows full of sawdust.

JP – The knife looks like one of those Navy survival ones you used to be able to buy through magazine ads except the hilt is waayy too small for any practical use.
uncle balustrade
March 30th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

Mais non! Il a un couteau! Caramba!
Jim Walsh
March 31st, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Do you think Mark’s lady friend will ever do something about that the talking zit on her forehead?

Also…when they get around to making a Mark Trail movie, who should voice Mr. Potato? I nominate Don Rickles…
T-Pain
December 24th, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

I think if you really need to discuss a comic you have no soul
Stonets
December 24th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

T-Pain you are a loser trying to fight with peopleover the internet and what kind of person says you have no soul what a loser

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Naked lunch with the Trails

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