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Self-loathing punk

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/20/11

Philosophical question: Is it insulting to call someone a “punk,” when they’re totally decked out in all the accoutrements of a punk rocker, circa 1978? Does the intention of the speaker count more than one’s own embrace of a retro-punk image? I have to admit that, with all his whining about verbal assault, I’m not thinking very highly of Spider the Punk (also, FYI, punk names that are not badass: “Spider”) at the moment, and on the other hand am admiring the steely gaze that Mr. Geezer is leveling at him in the final panel. “Spider, would you like me to graphically demonstrate some of the techniques I learned with my commando unit behind Japanese lines in Burma during World War II? Or would you like to go to class? Your choice.”

Herb and Jamaal, 7/20/11

Why … why wouldn’t Herb’s mother in law just removed the “mortuary” signs from her car? I’m guessing that the artist came up with a joke involving her trying to loan Ernie a hearse, then realized, “Oh, ho ho, there’s no way I can draw a recognizable hearse,” then just slapped a sign on a generic drawing of a black car and called it a day.

Pluggers, 7/20/11

Oh, come now, pluggers don’t know big words like “diuretic.” They’ll totally pee all over themselves though! That I believe.

315 responses to “Self-loathing punk”

  1. nescio
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    So apparently bears shit in the woods, but cannot piss on the side of a road.

  2. Charterstoned
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    MW – Concessions? It sounds like Mary is talking about a pre-nup. Man, she’s cagey!

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Stripping with the Lee Brothers:

    B.C. — For some strange reason, the caveman’s wearing a hairshirt that once belonged to actor Jason Lee!

    La Cucaracha — Ha ha… everyone thinks the old Latino man is Stan Lee, who writes the comic strip “el hombre araña la pelicula”!

  4. The Waz
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    RM, MD – Say what you will, but Spider punk has so far proven himself to be more capable than Spiderman…

  5. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Crank: **bashing head into desk**

    FW: Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate

    FC: See FW above

    Luann: Seriously?? I wonder if they stripped down in front of each other to accomplish this. Also……..I had no idea that Crystal wore a wig!

    On another note, I don’t care about Knute and Crystal’s passive-aggressive love affair. Let the WeenieWorld Sexual Harrassment-fest begin, starring the clueless, simple-minded Bwad and the voluptuous but deadly Ann…….with a sprinkling of mad Bernice and ding-batty Luann for good measure. Will Dirk make an appearance as Ann’s girlfriend? Will Bwad’s mommy Mrs. Degroot storm down to WeenieWorld to defend her son’s honor? Will Ann and Bernice start up a secret love affair? Will TJ make a mess of things with his “legal-ish” money he gave to Bwad? The possibilities are endless.

    Marvin: Well, a few days ago Jenny said she wanted another kid……….but DAMN…….that has GOT to be the FASTEST pregnancy I’ve ever seen!!

    MW: In other words…………”fuckoff!”

    RMMD: RYGHT, MATE!!! 1983 Punk Rock lives again.

    SixChicks: This comic is just like “Pluggers”, but with extra degrees of lunacy and stupidity, if that’s possible.

  6. wossname
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    DT – Dick, Dick, Dick. Don’t you even read your own Crimestoppers’ Textbook? “When raiding a warehouse full of bad guys, be sure to have officers on the perimeter to stop any fleeing crimelords. If necessary, use your Wrist Wizard™ to call in backup.”

    MT – Deer No. 1: “WTF is wrong with living up here?”
    Deer No. 2: “Oh, that’s just Mark channeling Mary Worth again.”

    Phantom – So Kit and Mark Trail are actually soulmates. A big adventure calls for a hearty breakfast – either the jungle version (palm fronds, slugs and dung beetles) or the Lofo version (a big stack of Cherry’s pancakes).

    Arch – Um, I’m not sure why this is supposed to be funny. Archie thinks the computer has crashed, but really it just got unplugged? Mom doesn’t realize that computers are unable to save documents, and therefore Archie’s version of “War and Peace” is now lost forever? What?

    Curtis – Ha! This pleases me, even though it’s totally cliché and I’m sure there’s a trope for it. I guess I must actually care about the characters in this strip, at least a little, because I’m delighted to see Chutney quit kissing Curtis’s uncaring ass.

    RMMD – Re Spider being named Spider: Remember that his last name is Webb. Haha.

  7. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Spiderpunk looks older than the 30-something actors who used to play teen thugs on “The Sweeney.”

    A3G: Tommie is so angry because she knows the answer to the question “Anyone I know?” is always “Hahahaha of course not, you don’t know anybody!”

  8. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    SM: I’m with you, MJ. I hate it when I come home and the little man isn’t there waiting for me, wearing nothing but an apron and a smile and holding a freshly cooked casserole.

    A3G: Tommie looks pretty pissed off about Margo’s plan: “I’ve worked hard to get other humans to acknowledge my existence, Margo; don’t go and screw it up for me.”

    FC: So should we take bets on what beloved American landmark will be desecrated by the Keanes’ presence tomorrow? I’ll take Betsy Ross’s house and some comment about her not having an electric sewer machine.

    MW: What happened then? Well, in Charterstone they say that Mary’s head grew three sizes that day. And then, the true meaning of rejection came through, and Mary found the strength of 10 meddlers, plus two!

  9. LV
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Exactly what I was thinking, Waz. I assume this guy sits in his garage all day writing a bunch of 4/4 two-chord songs about how angry the TV makes him and how his stupid wife is so successful.

    Anyway, Mark Twain isn’t having any of that shit.

  10. Écureuil Écumant
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Phan: Whaddaya expect, stripey, making the kid swallow the very first time? You’ll ruin ‘im for everyone else, just take it slow.

  11. Patrick
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Worse than the sign on the car is the twisted way in which Ernie’s mother-in-law has to phrase her response (“The used car I own”) in order for the audience to get that she bought the car from the local funeral home.

  12. Pseudo3D
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    9CL: Ignoring this strip, I have a question about yesterday’s: if Seth was so concerned about Edda’s wanting him to go “to the dark side”, then why does she share the rent with him and Mark? It’s like a man and his wife sharing an apartment with a gay man and the husband constantly making homophobic remarks behind his back.

    DT: Delusional dialogue for the win!

    FW: Les finds the limits to his smugness, apparently. Maybe there’s hope.

    MW: The Hypocrisy of Mary Worth, Part XVIII

    Luann: Pass the brain bleach.

  13. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Josh, you neglected to mention that Sue Cardinal is responsible for today’s
    Pluggers. Don’t birds pee and poop at the same time?

  14. Kristian
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Luann: So that Knute dude … he has no lips?

    PBS: is this the first mention of Ye Irate Birdes in the comics?

    Pluggers: Pluggers are constantly preoccupied by bodily functions and prescriptions drugs. (Wouldn’t “Third cup of coffee” or something have been easier than “diuretic”?

    Marmaduke: The drawing has some unfortunate overtones. No means no, dog. Still, I guess Marmaduke is alpha male. Nice legs on Mrs Hitler.

    Herb and Jamaal: The car is a bit on the short side. Is that the “late-pope-mobile”? Is the intention that we prop the corpse up in a sitting position?

    Love is: Either someone died, or it was a great birthday at Chuck E Cheese.

    BC: Poor Burt Reynolds.

    Sally Forth: (First panel) These ‘wine tasting with your meal’ places are never going to catch on.

    Family Circus: Three if by air? Is that a 9/11 joke? In Family Circus? WTF?

    A3G: Finally we reach the Mafia Don Margo part of the story.

    Hägar: Huh. Debtor’s prison. That’s funny, I guess. I was going to wax snarkical about “viking economics,” but then I got to reading about pastoralism and sea mammal oil. So in summary, I don’t know.

    Snuffy Smith: Lukey helping Snuffy clean his junk. It’s refreshing how open they are about it.

    Beetle Bailey: Of all the comics to feature a Queening chair, I didn’t think it would be BB.

    Ziggy: It’s either difficult or not difficult to get a complaint rectified at Shrödingers. It’s impossible to know which until Ziggy dies.

  15. Écureuil Écumant
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    FC: ” … and four if it’s the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, descending to herald the onset of Armageddon.”

  16. AhClem
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8): I’m guessing you meant electric sewing machine, but since this is the Keanes we’re talking about, “sewer” works so much better.

    Archie The computer looks to be from the early 1980s. Is this the first time the AJGLU-3000 has portrayed itself?

  17. Sue D. Nymme
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Herb & Jamaal Wait, the giant rooster is the hearse driver, not Angel-of-Death Ziggy? I’m so confused.

  18. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    A&J: HAR!

    Lio: *giggle*

    OY! who b0rked The Chron?!?

    GT: they don’t appreciate that you get tired. . . .

    Luann: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

    Mutts: WIN!

    PMP: everything is better with trebuchets! (except puns.) also, Monty Python skit reference. [*]

    Ghost-who-forages: handful of grubs, some durian, and if we’re lucky, roasted bushrat!

    SB: fail. Metatron looks like Alan Rickman. this is well known!!!

    SFx: platypus!!!!!!

    Zits: panel 2 is Suessian in its marvelousness.

  19. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @AhClem (#16): You are correct—but I channeled the Melonheads ((shudder)) and deliberately wrote “sewer.”

  20. sporknpork
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I would say this is a battle between the old generation and the rebellious youth, but if looks are an indicator, Spider clearly served time in Korea.

  21. Ranger
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Mr. Webb? Spider? Spider Webb? Are the Dick Tracy writers moonlighting?

  22. Dood
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers, like Pattersons, drive hover cars.

  23. Jessy
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: By the time we are in the Plugger age group, most of us don’t need a diuretic for it to be a long time between rest stops. Or is the point that Pluggers are too stupid to realize that maybe they shouldn’t take a diuretic before leaving on a road trip?

    RMMD: Why does Spider look like he’s 35? Oh, right . . . meth ages people.

  24. Écureuil Écumant
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “Geezer”? “Verbally assaulted?” Punk’s damn near as literate as most of us. Give ‘im his GED, back it with a trespass warning, problem solved. On the other hand, I’m really looking forward to Mr. Monopoly Man (né “Rich Uncle Pennybags”) whipping out his glittering balisang.

  25. Écureuil Écumant
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    @LV (#9): Mark Twain’d know exactly what to do with those two: Frog-march ‘em out back of the house and have ‘em fall down the well.

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8): hadaka apron, gender flipped!

  27. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    FW – I’ve been thinking about the anecdote about Harlan Ellison and his revenge on his Creative Writing prof that is possibly the inspiration for this week’s strips.

    Isn’t it true that Harlan’s professor had more of an influence on his life than almost any other teacher could have had? Harlan apparently spent the rest of his career determined to prove that the professor was wrong.

    I wouldn’t put it past a professor who saw a brilliant student and potential writer who may have been lacking in motivation or inspiration to make themselves into a focus the way this person did.

    Les is still an asshat, however.

  28. Dennis Jimenez
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Off the strip – not a clue – but I sort of like the art today….

    H&J – Don’t follow – not a clue – not bad art today – I like the idea of a 1986 Plymouth Horizon Hatchback hearse – that’s the way I wanna go out….

    Pluggers – Oh come now, a plugger car can’t go 52 miles anyway….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  29. Scott Bot
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    MW – Jeff, if you have the ‘benefits,’ why the hell do you want to deal with the concessions of being married?

    Pluggers – When my dad had that problem when driving, he’d pull over and do what he called ‘inspecting the tires for damage.’

    RMMD – I guess I don’t blame the administrator for being upset. After all, teachers aren’t supposed to be fooling around with their students (although with that outfit, one wonders what Mr. Webb teaches. Music history, perhaps?).

  30. Little Guy
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Josh, RMMD: Well played with Mr Geezer in Burma.

    Candorville: This needs a Baretto/Cho touch.

    MT: Forget it, Mark. It’s Lost Forest.

    S-M: Guess who failed in her blogpost for “Mary Jane Reads Spiderman So You Don’t Have To”?

  31. slobocrock
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Look at Alexander Bumstead and tell me that Blondie hasn’t gone undercover with one (or both?) of the protagonists in Spy vs. Spy…..

  32. Mardou Fox
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Spider is a Cue wanna be. Viva Cue! On the other hand, WWII geezer is so awesome that I want him to take over the storyline.

  33. Dennis the Two and a Half Menace
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Spider is tired of being verbally assaulted by old men in bow ties. He grew up on the hard streets of Cambridge where roaming gangs of geezers would terrorize the public with their logic traps and astute observations. The worst of it came when one of the professors told him he had Spider’s cat in a box but wouldn’t confirm if the feline was alive or dead.

  34. un malpaso
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    MW: “Who you calling a punk? Oi’m a fan of mid-to-late 90′s retro skinhead post-hardcore from Oakland! Can’t you geezers tell the difference?”

  35. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @slobocrock (#31):

    Or perhaps Blondie went undercover with Henry Mitchell!

  36. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#6): snarpologies on the ‘jungle breakfast’ comment.

  37. MyUsernamesMud
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Get with the times Jeff, nowadays a punk is an unwilling buttsex participant. Spider was probably just taken aback by his principal’s forwardness.

  38. Zemto
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    The AJGLU-3000 is projecting its own fears and neuroses into the strip today. Reprogrammed by Batiuk?

  39. un malpaso
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Whoops, did I just claim Spider the punk was in Mary Worth?!? My mistake. The soap-opera strips are so radically different in style, after all. Rex Morgan is drawn by the C+ graduates of Stock Art Illustrator University, while Mary Worth is drawn by schizophrenic, homeless failed interior decorating majors.

  40. twg
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Spider can’t be much of a punk with a vocabulary like that.

    Luann: Is it just me or is Knute a leeeetle too excited to always be dressing up in ladies’ clothes?

  41. Mibbitmaker
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    9CL:
    Seth’s being a jerk again. And that’s not the worst part!

    He’s also being arrogant as hell! And that’s not the worst of it!

    Seth’s keeping this moronic storyline going unbearably forever — and that’s not the worst part!

    The WORST part today is….

    …….He’s right.

    [*]

  42. Cliff Arroyo
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    The only thing that can salvage 9CL is for everything that’s happened for the last few months (starting just before Seth talks to Roger the first time) to turn out to be a hallucinogenic fever dream of the cat followed by several weeks of detailed apologies to all of humanity.

    A close second place would be for someone to (finally and overtly) make the point that Edda must not be much of an artiste since Seth has never gotten a hard on over her dancing.

  43. Darryl Heine
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    PEANUTS 1964: Poor Linus has to take out a big wastebasket of paper to the garbage dump!

    FAMILY CIRCUS IN BOSTON 1988 REVISITED: …and four if by internet!

  44. Pozzo
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Ummm…why is there even a division between panels 2 & 3 of Rex Morgan? Did the artist think the geezer/punk face-off was too intense for the target audience (median age: 147) to handle without a buffer?

  45. Esther Blodgett
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    FW: Kudos to Batiuk for finding yet another level on which Les can fail as a human being.

    MT: If that’s not the lead-in to a great lost Rodgers and Hammerstein musical number, I don’t know what is.

    PBS: Fortunately, Pastis drew the bars of his cell widely spaced so he can make an easy escape.

    Piranha Club: How Les Moore’s book tour actually went down.

  46. Old School Allie Cat
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    RwO – This amuses me. Greatly. And Denver Post dropped her in favor of Fred Basset? Really?

  47. word-doctor
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    SM-Uh oh. MJ’s setting up a HUGE fight when Petey gets home and sees that she’s altered the sofa’s sweet-spot for his ass crack. Ruint his typical plans for the day, and Judge Judy’s a rerun, too.

    RMMD-Wilford Brimley’s lasik and lyposuction has left him one mean mofo. Much, MUCH scarier than Spider.

  48. TheDiva
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Why do Pluggers even need rest areas? They start putting on clothes and walking on two legs and suddenly they’re too good to crap in the woods like the other bears?

    9CL: Said the man who was embarrassed that his self-appointed charge wasn’t automatically a limp-wristed wine snob. Die in a fire, Seth.

    FW: Wow, you’d think being a smug self-righteous asshole would be the one thing Les excels at, but no, he can’t even do that right.

    Luann: And yet, they’re still not as aggressively irritating as Brad and Toni, or Luann and her male harem.

    MT: Mark is delivering out time-worn platitudes, while over in Mary Worth Mary is recoiling from intimate contact with the opposite sex. Was there a body swap somewhere and we missed it?

    MW: “Okay, Mary….How about now? Are you ready for things to change now?”

    SM: Must be something about that couch….

    Zits: When I got my wisdom teeth taken out, all the anesthesia did was make me puke. Lucky Pierce.

  49. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]

  50. Scott Bot
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – Ah, the eternal Plugger dilemma: how to hold it in for 52 miles while simultaneously keeping your right turn signal on for those same 52 miles.

  51. Mibbitmaker
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oh, great! Just what we need: more celebrities forcing opinionated political agendas down our throats! Thanks alot, Goddamn Margo!

    Curtis: Your dream came true! Don’t friggin’ MOPE over it! We don’t need another Les Moore!

    Garfield: No. Please, just….. no!

    Mutts: …And we know how scenes with those words end up when in uncensored Bob Clampett WB cartoons, don’t we?

    PBS: Poor Pastis — the Tommy Smothers/Heinz Doofenshmirtz of cartooning.

    Phantom: You’re a cruel, cruel man, Kit Walker!

    RMMD: I know how ‘Spider’ feels. Once not long ago, some jerk kept calling me a commentor on a comics-mocking blog’s comment section, and other places on the internet! The nerve!

    S4th: Christ! The next thing you know, she’ll be calling ‘Spider’ a punk!

    S-M: This is so boring, even MJ fell asleep!

    Ed. Lee: And people wonder where the next Irwin Mainway is coming from!

    Zits: Jerry Scott letting Jim Borgman play is always a good thing.

  52. lukpac
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Since I’ve never seen a car with big “Mortuary” signs (nor odd, curved signs like that in general), I can only assume that Herb placed them in his mother’s car as a constant reminder that she’ll be dead soon. Unfortunately for Herb, it seems she is too senile to understand that.

  53. SequelMan
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: So much for *mouth-to-mouth* resuscitation.

  54. Blaise Marcoux
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “I’ve been hearing something about a Spider Jerusalem, someone who’s bald and has funky glasses.” “Sounds punk to me!” Of course, that would be giving Rex Morgan’s writer the benefit of the doubt that he’s heard of Transmetropolitan.

  55. Dood
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Memo to self: Avoid long road trips with Sue Cardinal of Eagan, Minn.

  56. Roto13
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    I love today’s Spider-Man because it shows that Newspaper MJ and Newspaper Peter are perfect for each other. She just comes home, plops down on the couch, and just passes out mid-soliloquy. I hope there’s a gas leak or something.

  57. Mibbitmaker
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Guess what Mark Trail will say in tomorrow’s strip? “It’s not your fault, John Thrasher”, of course.

    Later….
    Mark: “Don’t worry, John Thrasher. What happened in the war was not your fault.”

    Cherry: “Uh, that’s fine, dear, except you’ve been back from the Thrashers’ storyline for about ten weeks now. Shouldn’t you be off on your new assignment chasing smugglers already?”

  58. Roto13
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    I will be very happy if this coming Mary Worth storyline is about Jeff getting fed up with Mary’s bullshit and leaves her to find a woman who will put out.

  59. Claude Ville
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    FW: “I was going to give the professor a copy of my book, but I finally realized what ‘Creative Writing’ meant and didn’t want to look like a giant douche.”

    At this point Cayla chokes herselft to death by swallowing her own tongue.

  60. Dono
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Classified ad from Herb and Jamaal’s world:

    FOR SALE: AMC Pacer, make offer. I told my jackass mortuary assistant to go buy us a hearse and this is what he came back with.

  61. els
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    And why is Spider’s lovely goth girlfriend so terrified? It’s because she knows the truth: That when you’ve pissed off the love-child of Orville Redenbacher and Colonel Sanders, shit just got real.

  62. Gene S.
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    A3G – I’m so happy that A3G included the phrase “Margo Explains” in the beginning of the strip. “Margo Explains” is a strip I’d read every day. It’s also so much better than the other options, “Tommie Frumps” and “Luann Stares Blankly”.

  63. But What Do I Know?
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    SM — Apparently, coming home after a day of work and taking a nap is considered dangerous/noteworthy. Yesterday, Gil Thorp, today Spiderman. Let’s see what Mark Trail does when he and myson John finally stop agonizing over his living arrangements. . .

  64. word-doctor
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#55):

    Maybe with anyone else they’d be short trips.

  65. ScienceGiant
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#50): Yes, yet that’s better than the other option: I badly need to pee, so I shall go slow in the left lane for the next fifty-two miles…

  66. teenchy
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#22): Maybe. I can’t imagine a Plugger driving so aggressively that s/he catches air.

  67. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    how to deal with the otaku next door. . . . (pic is safe, but is from a site that probably shouldn’t show up on your work computer history.)

  68. Charterstoned
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MT – I think this storyline has to end with John Thrasher shaving. Only then will all be right with the LoFo world–unless, under all that facial hair, John is hiding a tattoo from his days in the military, in which case Mark might have to punch him.

  69. Mustang
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    H & J – “I’d let you borrow the used car I own”? Is that the same as “my car?” What kind of language communication are they speaking with their mouths?

  70. Bill Murray
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    In Herb and Jamaal, the vehicle is a mortuary — a place where dead bodies are stored for identification. Evidently Ginger from Chicken Run drives the very short bodies around to the next of kin. What a nice hen

  71. gleeb
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Beetle: It’s probably just because the general is a plugger and knows he could come unplugged at any time.

    Between Fiends: Stepping up your game by making yet another day of this endless phone call into a self-referential joke. That’s not at all tiresome or overdone. Well played!

    Dick: I know my granddad’s sushi always made me feel better when I’d almost died. Are they trying to turn Moon Maid posthumously Japanese ?

    ‘bean: And yet you’ve spent three days nattering on about it. Shut the hell up for once.

    Gil: Kenny Lark is worried. Worried that his drunk mom will get punchy on his face.

    Connie Darling’s Media Circus: Wait, this whole thing only took the time for a play to be performed? And they let it go on, with all the cops and airbags and things just outside?

    Blemju: Hmm…”screw off” is the right number of letters but they’re in the wrong order.

    Luann: He’s happy to have a excuse for wearing ladies’ underwear.

  72. seismic-2
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Josh, RMMD: Burma? But isn’t it commonly agreed that General Halftrack has in fact never been deployed overseas? Anyway, I hope Rex and June invite their new receptionist and her daughter to go sailing on their new boat, and Spider tags along. These people are all so much more worthy of a nice afternoon out on the water than Dex ever would have been.

    A3G: “Anyone I know?” Tommie, you know exactly one celebrity, and he’s a hobotramp who dines on Reuben sandwiches. I think he’s hardly the sort of clientele that the Mills Gallery wants. For that matter, neither are you, so just be quiet and go back to your Bland Bits and ketchup-milk.

    H&J: No wonder the mortuary was willing to sell the hearse. It can’t hold a coffin more than about 30 inches long, and almost all the Munchkins are already dead.

    SM: Thank goodness. Whatever MJ dreams about, it’s got to be more interesting than anything else that’s likely to happen in this strip.

  73. Doctor Handsome
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Since I turned 30, I’ve taken comfort in soap opera comics strips to reassure myself that I’m still pretty young. Like, I’m not so old that I take these archaic things seriously. But now, Rex Morgan is forcing me to indentify with the cranky old fogey against the obnoxious young hooligan. Why would you do that to me, Rex Morgan? Fortunately, the young hooligan is like 49, so I still feel pretty good about myself.

  74. Doctor Handsome
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Kick his ass, old-timer!

  75. Walker of Dog
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8): I hope they visit the John Kennedy boyhood home in Brookline. The recorded narrative by Rose Kennedy is haunting and a little creepy.
    “Mommy, what’s a bootlegger?”

  76. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#71):

    Re: DT

    An astute observation. I think she’s turning Japanese, she’s really turning Japanese. I really think so!

  77. cloudbuster
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    9CL: I love that Roger seems to have no idea about what being gay actually entails. It’s as if he has outted himself as more of an intellectual exercise: “Why, yes, I do find muscular men like Seth attractive, and indeed, sex with my wife has lost its sparkle after a couple decades and eleven kids. Seth is right, I must be gay.”

    I can imagine his first encounter.

    At the gay bar:
    “Why, yes, I am a gay man, as I recently acknowledged, and am here in this establishment to engage in the gay lifestyle.”

    Later at the other man’s apartment:
    “You want to put your … in my …!! OH MY GOD!! …. maybe we could, um, cuddle? And discuss fashion? I thought that’s what we were supposed to do!”

    Maybe Roger’s mistaken. Maybe he was actually attracted to men because of the artistic, aesthetic appeals of their bodies — their arty bodies turn him into a Wanton (are you getting this, Seth?), and he’s not actually gay (like you’re not actually straight, Seth *nudge, nudge*). But then, I guess it’s OK if he takes their art up his ass.

  78. forgot
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    and betsy ross didnt have a wal mart either!

  79. Swordsmith
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Pluggers don’t realize that the “next rest area” sign is placed immediately BEFORE “this rest area”, because warning you after it’s too late isn’t helpful (and more to the point, doesn’t drive customers to “this rest area”.)

    Apparently Plugger means “idiot”… although I think we already figured that out.

  80. Captain Plaid Pants
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    MW: I have to imagine I’m too late to the party to make a “friends with benefits” joke?

  81. cloudbuster
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m with Josh, the old guy is acting way more the bad-ass than Spider. “Verbally assaulted?” Is there a more pussy phrase in the English language? (Actually, yes, just read any dialog from a male character in 9CL, but you get my point).

  82. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    MT: After years of heart-breakingly futile efforts to help veterans with PTSD—cognitive-behavioral therapy, medication, advanced biofeedback techniques—Mark Trail has come up with the solution: “Say, fellow, just come down off the mountains!”

  83. Dood
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: The school’s production of Dirty Harry-Gran Torino-Taxi Driver is sure to be a hit.

  84. Effluvius Erratus
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Mary: “Benefits”? You mean like beaching yourself on top of me like a doughy-skinned walrus and passing out after 30 seconds of furtive thrusting? No thanks. I’m not Gudrun and you sure as hell ain’t no Gerald.

    Jeff: I don’t know them. Do they live over in Phase III?

    Mary: Sweet Christ, what the hell is it you read on that Kindle-thing anyway?

    Jeff: Read?

  85. Swordsmith
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#51):

    “PBS: Poor Pastis — the Tommy Smothers/Heinz Doofenshmirtz of cartooning.”

    That’s Dr. Doofenshmirtz. He didn’t go through twelve years of evil medical school to be called Heinz… oh wait, he didn’t go through twelve years of school at all, he purchased that Doctorate off the internet, like Rex.

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#83):

    if you can say “get off my lawn” with a steely glare, you aren’t a plugger. (M-1 rifle optional.)

  87. Greg
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Herb & Jamaal: Driving a “mortuary” car seems fitting for Ernie, since he has two gaping black holes in his face. All he needs is a foppish top hat and familiar.

  88. Walker of Dog
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Kristian (#14): You have to strap the coffin to the roof. I think That Company That Makes Tiny Cars has officially overextended itself.

  89. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @cloudbuster (#77):

    Roger is gay in the sense that the Gay Best Friend in movies and TV shows is gay. He is gay for the fashion and the right to maky out-ray-geous-ly inappropriate sexual innuendoes, just not gay in the sense of being physically attracted to other members of the same sex.

  90. cloudbuster
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Kristian (#14): “So that Knute dude … he has no lips?”

    Duh. You can’t have lips in the Luannverse until you lose your virginity.

  91. Pseudo3D
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    In a way, Creative Writing makes perfect sense in Funky Winkerbean. That would imply that Lisa’s Story has, in fact, several “embellishments” added by Les, and not just a purple prose novelization of “Lisa’s cancer” arc. Still wouldn’t explain why everyone loves it and he becomes a best-selling author.

  92. Dood
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I think it’s becoming clear that Mary prefers an open relationship. Has she been meeting Wilbur Weston for late-night, hold-the-mayo sammich sessions?

  93. Dennis Jimenez
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#86): Hey (hey) – You (you) – get offa my lawn – Hey (hey) – You (you) – get offa my lawn….

  94. Doctor Handsome
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    The only corpse that could possibly fit in that hatchback “hearse” would be that of a Keane Kid. So congratulations, Herb & Jamaal, you finally made me smile.

  95. Walker of Dog
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    A3G: Typo in the first panel. Please delete that comma to show the standard salutation:
    “It’s simple Tommie.”

    RMMD: The old dude is Spiderpunk from the future! Whoa…

    FC: Wasn’t this the last line of dialogue before the Russian paratroopers landed in Red Dawn?

    GT: She recognized her golfer-son by his lovely manicure. What’s his secret?

    MT: Mark: “But John, the past only exists by how you remember it! So let’s just say you were throwing candy, not grenades, mkay? Now, who’s up for pancakes?”

  96. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    H&J: As I know from a couple of recent experiences, an actual “mortuary car” isn’t usually a hearse; it’s an unmarked, nondescript van that discreetly pulls up to the house. (After which, if you’re in Northern California, two Samoans in trench coats retrieve the deceased.) And aren’t hearses mainly used in funeral processions—which would make “FUNERAL” the appropriate sign?

  97. Just Call Me E
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Ew……..NOT what I wanted to read while eating breakfast!

  98. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#92): “Hold the mayo”? Is that what they’re calling it nowadays? (Uh, ewwwww.)

  99. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#91):

    Didn’t Les become a best-selling author the old-fashioned way – by jumping off of a roof and having the moment broadcast via web-cam?

  100. seismic-2
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#91): Lisa’s Story is only partly about her bout with cancer. It’s also about her wasted life as a hussy with an illegitimate kid, until she falls for, and is redeemed by, Saint Les. Every story in the Batiuk-verse is Les’s/Tom’s story, no matter what it’s called.

  101. Just Call Me E
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @cloudbuster (#90): Ah…you beat me to the punch – I was going to explain the “no lips = virginity” of Luann. I actually chuckled at Luann today – maybe because of all the insufferable characters, Knute and Crystal are at least tolerable…

    At the very least the strip allowed me to get over the trauma of reading Pluggers. Knute dressing up in women’s clothes is DEFINITELY less nauseating than the thought of animals with diarrhea.

  102. Swordsmith
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Luann: Panel one shows that Crystal, in her four inch heels, is about an inch shorter than Knute (her eyes are at the level of the bridge of his nose… admittedly her wig makes the top of her head taller than his hat). Panel two shows that, wearing her wig and heels, Knute is -still- just barely taller than Crystal, who is now wearing his worn out old sneakers. I call shenanigans.

    Also, forgive me if I’m out of the loop on this one, but isn’t the point of dressing for a Comic con to go dressed as some comic book character? Unless we’re willing to posit that Knute and Crystal are both aware that they’re really comic charaters. But if that were true, surely the realization that they were characters in Luann would have long since driven them to a mutual suicide pact?

  103. cloudbuster
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#45): “MT: If that’s not the lead-in to a great lost Rodgers and Hammerstein musical number, I don’t know what is.”

    Ohhhhhhhh! I’m a mountain man and I’m OK!
    I sleep all night and I trap all day!

    I dig pit traps, I eat my kill!
    I tan the skins with my pee!

    I lay down snares, I poke Mark’s rump
    I have flashbacks and mental scars!
    I sew my leather bondage gear
    And stalk clean-cut boys in cars!

  104. Dood
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#98): That means safe sex to Wilbur Weston.

  105. Just Call Me E
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    I am really hoping that Dr. Jeff now hooks up with some young hottie on the rebound. Take THAT, Mary Worth!

  106. Comcis Fan
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    FW: I’m confused. Is the subject is self-loathing punk, why is there no visual of Les Moore? I guess Les isn’t a punk.

    Blondie: This is a winner. (No Zach Moogley page on Facebook yet.)

    S4th: I must like Ces because I like all the characters in this strip, even the unlikeable ones. (Well, except maybe that hussy Aria.)

  107. Comcis Fan
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    *if* the subject

  108. Maggie the Cat
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#13): Josh, you neglected to mention that Sue Cardinal is responsible for today’s Pluggers. Don’t birds pee and poop at the same time?

    They do, and they do it while in motion so no need for rest stops at all.

  109. Steve the Pocket
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Wow, I hit the mother lode this week

    B.C.: I can’t help but notice the lack of a crowd in this scene. I know this strip only has like seven characters, but that’s five more than the artist bothered to draw here. This is not how comics with replacement artists who can actually draw are supposed to work. It puts me more in mind of the pathetic Pogo strips that were churned out shortly after Walt Kelly died, composed entirely of cut-and-paste characters from older strips, sparse dialog, and no backgrounds. Or Crock every day of the week.

    Baldo: “…Good guess, though. Very good, very accurate guess.”

    Beetle Bailey: No, see, I know what you’re thinking, but this is different from all the other suggestion box gags because this one uses a toilet instead of a trashcan or shredder! That’s enough to make it funny again, right?

    Funky Winkerbean: “…I just didn’t have it in me to be an asshole… that particular minute.”

    Garfield: You know, when XKCD suggested you turn to dadaist humor, I don’t think that’s what the writer had in mind.

    Herb and Jamaal: Wait, when did she get a used hearse? WHY did she get a used hearse? I get the feeling there’s a fascinating story that’s not being told, here, and that it’s because the cartoonist is too lazy and uncreative to write one.

    The Lockhorns: I’m not going to comment on the disconnect between Leroy’s comment and the fact that, from what little I remember of the commercials and the great deal more I know about modern television, the title is almost certainly meant to be facetious. Instead I’d like to address the positioning of that title relative to the TV frame. At first glance, you’d assume the artist just doesn’t know how to pinch the title in Photoshop to match the perspective. But if you hold a straightedge up to it, you’ll see that it actually is pinched, just slightly. So it’s like he started to adjust it and then got distracted by the Thnikkaman or something.

    Luann: Convention cosplay does not work that way. It. Does. Not. I don’t think there are enough words in my brain to tell you how badly you fucked that up, Evans.

    Pluggers: My first instinct was to check if the plugger in question was a bear. He is. Sometimes they make it too easy.

    Speed Bump: “…Pat Robertson, Fred Phelps, I’m talking to you specifically.”

  110. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Philosophical question #2; If Spider were wearing a dingy sweatshirt, a Greek fishing cap, and a Maynard G Krebs beard, could you insult him by calling him “Beatnik”?

    A3G: I don’t know what’s up between these two. While she keeps Margo talking, Tommie looks like she’s deciding whether she’d prefer to stab or to bludgeon.

    BB: You can tell that Amos is pretty depressed if he’s bucking for a transfer to Marvin.

    Garfield: Is now just blatantly hawking cheap Garfield merchandise now.

    Blondie: Dagwood restrains himself from saying, “Show me a guy like that, and I’ll screw ‘im.”

    JP: “Good night, darling. I’m caressing tomorrow’s Jumble but I’m thinking of you.”

    Luann: This cross-dressing thing is getting to be quite a habit for young Mr. Knute. I think he’s a little too gawky to make money at it, though.

    MT: “But you don’t understand! I’m an eithth level mountain man. If I change to another class now I lose half my experience points. And I might not be able to keep the magic artifacts either.”

    S4th: I love Alice.

    C-Shaft: “Sure I could treat them as an anonymous and interchangeable mass, but I prefer to save that for the schoolkids.”

    Crock: Boat? You mean it’s not a large cereal bowl?

    S-M: Don’t feel too bad for MJ. Her evening is going along pretty much exactly the way it would if Peter were home.

  112. seismic-2
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#106): I am so much hoping that this new boy is in town to visit his divorced Mom, Aria. Or maybe his Uncle Ralph and his girlfriend Jackie.

  113. Walker of Dog
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    S-M: Even the thought of her husband’s presence puts MJ to sleep.

    JP: Then Alan was trampled to death by the panicked herd of theatergoers fleeing MJ’s play.
    THE END.

    Plug: A Plugger urinates in his own car until the floorboard rusts out but insists on blaming MnDOT.

    Phan: Kit’s going to flash us. Beads at the ready!

  114. commodorejohn
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “Well, there’s Satan. Heard of him? Prince of darkness, lord of the flies? Ringing a bell?”

    Archie – *insert joke about being caught looking at porn here*

    BB – So add to the list of things the Walker compound can’t be assed to draw properly: “toilets.”

    Crock – A joke in Crock that doesn’t make me question my own sanity? I must be going mad!

    Curtis – Well there! Problem resolved! Curtis is no longer pressured into a relationship he doesn’t want, Chutney has found an object for her obsessive affections who actually appreciates them, everyone’s happy! Now we can move on a plot that isn’t aggravating, right? …right?

    DT – You know, now that I think of it, isn’t it kind of poor business etiquette to conduct a kidnapping using a company vehicle?

    FC – And then a rogue jet bombed them, the end.

    FW – “I mean, he wasn’t thinking about me! Me! Cayla, there are people in the world who don’t spend every waking minute thinking about Les Moore! O WOE IS ME! HOW CAN I GO ON WHEN THE WORLD DOES NOT APPRECIATE ME AS I AM DUE?”

    HOTC – What is needed here is a lake that Heart can be tossed in. Little twit.

    Jumble – ASK MARGO? That’s what she’s doing, but it’s obviously not so great an idea.

    Luann – By Luann standards, this is refreshingly wholesome. I mean, there’s no humiliation fetish, tales of ribaldry, or anything! Just two people cross-dressing for a lark! It’s practically Yotsuba&!, it is!

    Mandrake – Psst, Johnny, if you’re going to create internal fractures in your organization, you might want to do it some other time than right in the middle of invading someone’s fortress. Just sayin’.

    MT – Hey, Thrasher can retract his hair at will!

    Marmaduke – I’d make a comment about M-Dawg trying to slip her his bone, but cripes, we’ve been up and down that road so many times it’s not even surprising anymore.

    MW – So look, Jeff’s a doctor, he’s got to make a respectable income, and the cost of living in Charterstone can’t be that high if Wilbur manages (well, the monetary cost, that is.) He’s got to have more than enough to hire a reasonably classy hooker once a month, and it would have to be less humiliating than this biannual “propose to Mary, be told to wait a while longer” mating dance.

    Momma – You know, I bear a lot of ill will towards Momma, but if it’s going to start featuring her children telling her not-so-subtly that they really, really hate her, I might be slightly more favorably inclined. Slightly.

    PMP – This doesn’t make any sense at all, but it’s nicely drawn.

    Phantom – That’s literal, right? You mean a literal breakfast, of food? Not a metaphor for something? Just checking, so I know whether to flee screaming or not.

    Popeye – It looks like Popeye has purified its concept of “non-plot” even further, to the point where the whole premise is unworthy of remark. Someday it will reach its nirvana, wherein nothing happens at all, and the whole strip is a single frame of Popeye standing in place, repeated day after day.

    RMMD – Is it me, or is Geezer just Spider from the future? Look at them; it’s exactly the same face, the same skull showing through.

    SF – Hee! I think Ces may be teasing a few folks here, no?

    SM – The Parkers’ marriage in a nutshell, folks.

    WoI – “Haa haa hee?” What, are they led by Mordred from Dick Tracy?

  115. spike
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#41): Thank you for pointing that out. I had confused Les of FW with Seth of 9CL today.

  116. debussy fields
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    MW– Mary, LOOK OUT!!! Don’t you know what happens when Jeff gets angry? First his jacket turns from blue to black and then–LOOK OUT!!!

  117. mollificent
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8): An apron, a smile, and a freshly poured bourbon…NOW we’re talking. ;)

    Curtis: Ha! Good for you, Chutney!

  118. LogopolisMike
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wouldn’t it be awesome is Jeff had invited all the people from the past 6 plots or so to his fundraiser and they all showed up and said “Hey Mary, you made us change and look how much better our lives are.” And then Professor Chinbeard and wife showed up and reminded her that when they didn’t change and accept Aldo into their social,, a man died! And Mary was hoisted by her own petard into a marriage. Yes, that would be awesome.

    9CL: This isn’t really a comment about today’s strip, but about the strip in general. I wonder if its creators know many gay people. Or any gay people. If they do, I’m glad they aren’t the gay people I know. I hope, for my sanity, it stays that way.

    (To be fair, all the great bodied dancers I’ve known have been totally insane and slutty. But since them being slutty is the reason I knew them, I shouldn’t complain.)

    S-M: I guess we should cut Peter Parker some slack. Apparently, their couch has a tsetse fly infection.

  119. Baka Gaijin
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @Kristian (#14): I really didn’t need to know what a Queening chair is. Warning to others: It doesn’t involve the regent in England as I had expected.

    @Dood (#55): Good advice indeed.

    @gleeb (#71): “Are they trying to turn Moon Maid posthumously Japanese?” Since she already looks like an anime character, why not go all the way?

  120. Edgy DC
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Considering that the lines in Spider’s face suggest he’s at least 35 and still in high school, I’d take the geezer’s advice and get to class.

  121. gnome de blog
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Just Call Me E (#105):
    Where is Jill Black when we need her?

  122. Aviatrix
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#10): I had just finished typing, “Please, someone with less restraint than me, tell me that I’m not alone in what I saw in this installment.” Thank you, Écureuil.

  123. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#117): *runs out into the sweltering heat to buy bourbon and an apron*

  124. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#114): *waves the Faye/Hil flag*

  125. Aviatrix
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#32): I would totally follow a storyline that consisted of Geezerman stopping petty crime and malingering in the streets. Maybe June could make him a costume.

  126. Dennis Jimenez
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#116): Ah, the imfamous “mood jacket” – it not only corresponds to the tenor of his mood, but the color of his balls….

  127. Dood
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: OK, so Margo’s well-thought-out “plan” is to kidnap celebrities and put them on display at the Mills Gallery?

  128. Aviatrix
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#71): In parts of the world where you evidently don’t live, sushi has come pretty much completely uncoupled from Japanese cuisine. It’s just a delicious thing that people like to eat. Re-imagine the strip as if she said “ice cream.”

  129. Nekrotzar
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan exists in an alternate universe where a radioactive spider bite made Peter Parker whiny, insecure, generally unlikable and inclined to dress funny. OK, so it’s not actually very alternate.

  130. balthazar
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    FW — this strip is such a total life-sucking drag.

  131. Aviatrix
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Awww, isn’t it sweet how couples become alike over time?

    BC: I maintain a blog, a blog read by a few hundred people, not hundreds of thousands like a syndicated comic. When I get an idea for a topic that has some seasonal connection, I schedule it to run on a relevant date.

    I thought at first that the blond guy, whose name I’ve suddenly decided might be Peter, was standing on the lolling tongue of whatever gaping-mawed beast was depicted at the left of the panel. Temporal context may have helped here.

    Crankshaft: I laughed at Crankshaft, then I realized that the humour therein is not at the idea that one would name and individually recognize the members of a swarm of bees, but that Crankshaft would ever consider making that effort to recognize others, of any species.

    Doonesbury: Panel three was perfectly done. I was starting lose my footing with respect to the fantasy.

    FW: “… so I just threw it at him from the second floor window, as he walked by.”

  132. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#104):

    That means safe sex to Wilbur Weston.

    I wouldn’t call Wilburrr having sex with Mister Ed safe!

  133. keaaukane
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    I no one else worried about the effects of todays Shylock Fox on children? How long can you hold a beaver underwater? Let’s find out. Answer: Less than 20 minutes

  134. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @website optimization (#131: spamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspam

  135. Walker of Dog
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @website optimization (#131): Praise from Caesar!
    (flagged for deletion)

  136. Baka Gaijin
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: I’m confused. I thought Pluggers drove old cars because they can’t get new ones with vinyl seats. You know, the kind you can hose all kinds of animal droppings off of.

    Garfield: OMG! Garfield is picking his nose! Not just a light flick with his claw nail. No, he’s got the whole finger up his nostril and the rest of the paw is next. OMG!

    Jumble: If it’s a certain airline whose name rhymes with Flamerican, the flight attentant says
    “|F|L|U|C|K|O|F|F|.”

  137. Alan's Addiction
    July 20th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Wow, today’s “Rex Morgan” is SO intense, it needs two panels to fit in the smoldering, hate-filled glare between Spider and bald Mark Twain. Speaking of Mr. Twain, it’s never good when your frightening, youth-hoodlum character is significantly less scary than the facial hair of a minor secondary character. I mean, if Spider and the nameless school administrator actually got into a physical fight, I’m betting on the mustache (or the owner of the mustache). It’s easily the most badass thing in today’s “Rex Morgan” strip.
    Today’s “Herb and Jamaal” sees the strip reaching the nadir of it’s non-specificity. Instead of labeling the car “hearse” they have to label it “mortuary,” which raises too many questions. First, is it actually a hearse, or has Herb’s mother in law simply agreed to let the local mortuary advertise on her vehicle? Or, is her car an actual mobile mortuary? I hope it’s the latter, because that would easily be the coolest thing ever seen in the strip. Okay, maybe not “coolest,” but certainly “most morbid,” and with “Herb and Jamaal,” you have to take what you get.
    Real “Pluggers” have so many chronic kidney and heart problems, they’re prescribed diuretics. Seriously, this strip needs to retitle itself, “Quietly Waiting to Die.” At least then I’d stop reading it expecting the sort of mirth featured in “Funky Winkerbean” and read it knowing that it would contain only light-hearted complaints about modernity and aging from people born during the McKinley administration.

  138. Baka Gaijin
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth: You mean Fay isn’t a boy? Sally, next you’re gonna tell me Peppermint Patty’s not a boy and Ru Paul isn’t a girl.

    Mother Goose and Grimm: Grimmy, while you’re there, be a dear and ask if she has any “Drop Dead, Clown! And I mean now!” cards.

    Cow and Boy: Billy, the putty chin is weird. The putty booty is downright disturbing.

    Lio: Hypnotoad!

  139. Shermy Glamrocker
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Oh, my. I completely identify with the Pluggers’ situation. Except that I’m actually human. And am willing piss roadside.

  140. Red Greenback
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    H/J: Death Cab!
    Also, “Sue Cardinal”… I read some news articles about that.

  141. Occasional Plugger
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers not only know the word “diuretic”, but they can rapidly list their morning meds, noon meds, and evening meds by name. Just ask one and see.

  142. AhClem
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    H&J – If that mortuary car is going to be used in a modern-day remake of the “Bring out yer dead!” scene in Monty Python’s “Holy Grail” movie, and the bodies of Herb and Jamaal get tossed onto it, I will take back every negative comment I’ve ever made about this strip.

  143. Dr. Moreau
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    H&J: Ernie, the cab driver with the soulless black holes for eyes, is clearly Charon, charged with ferrying the newly damned to Hades. He can’t drive Herb’s mother-in-law’s hearse because his passengers fear the mortuary, where they’ll writhe in undead agony as they’re dissected, more than Hell itself. Also, Ernie is obviously blind.

  144. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#136): That spambot looks nothing like Sid Caesar.

  145. AhClem
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#114):

    PMP – This doesn’t make any sense at all, but it’s nicely drawn.

    If a cowapult launches cows at the enemy, then the same device launching a different animal would be called … oh, you know. Sure, it’s a bit of a stretch, but it did make me chuckle.

  146. Bitter Scribe
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    What’s so hard about drawing a hearse? They’re just black station wagons with picture windows on the sides.

  147. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    All hail hypnotoad!!! /bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  148. Austria
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Darryl Heine (#43): “Five if by text! Growed-ups like technology jokes, right?”

    BC: This strip runs right over “Pickles” in my deadtree, making today’s strip very interesting indeed.

    FW: Kudos to the mudger that predicted a whole week of this. Much to our collective frustration, you were right.

    Luann: KIDS THESE DAYS AND THEIR COSTUME PLAYING. (Though, honestly, if I see anyone at Otakon dressed as Knute and Crystal dressing as Crystal and Knute, I’m giving them a big high-five.)

    PBS: Okay, Pastis beat everyone to the punch with an Angry Birds joke, nobody else is allowed to make one now. You hear me, cartoonists? No Angry Birds jokes from now on, they’ll be annoying and irrelevant after this.
    ……They’re not listening to me, are they.

    RMMD: “This geezer has verbally assaulted me!” wins today’s award for Best Dialogue.

    Zits: I’ve reeeeeeally enjoyed this storyline so far. One, because Pierce. Two, because this is the kind of silly magnificence I know Zits is capable of, and it’s a refreshing change.

  149. Dobe G
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I apologize in advance for applying logic to this strip, but I thought the reason Saint Seth outed Roger was that Roger was so obviously, palpably gay, notwithstanding the 11 children, so much so that the whole Burber Nation knew he was gay. Now Roger is “excessively manly” so he worries he won’t belong in the Gay World. Is there a way this makes any sense or is it just crappy writing?

  150. commodorejohn
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#146): Well, I get the mechanics of the pun, it’s just that the premise is a big “huh?” Maybe I’m just overthinking it…

  151. Tweeks_Coffee
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I can’t wait for the revelation that in Margo’s world, people who “owe her big” are the ones that’s she’s deigned worthy of eye contact.
    FW: Even sweet revenge is depressing in Winkerland.
    MT: I see his Mood Mullet is receding in the final panel to denote his quiet reflectiveness now.
    MW: Just forget the old biddy, Jeff. I recommend a binge of red Ferraris and blonde 20-something bimbos to take your mind off of her. Or, even better; some form of murder-suicide scenario beginning and ending with Mary.
    S-M: Yeah, that’s my usual reaction to this strip too, MJ.

  152. btown
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Please show a little respect for your elders, Spider! That’s Professor Van Cleef you’re insipidly attempting to stare down.

  153. terrapin
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    MT: “You don’t understand, Mark. I’ve been a mountain man for a long time. I’ve met a nice doe here and we have a family.”

  154. balthazar
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Dobe G (#150): well, what i get is this. the guy’s been clueless about his sexual identity all his life, so the implication is that he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. so it’s logical — barely — that he’s now unsure how a gay person can possibly be gay if he doesn’t swish. y’know, because he’s an ‘idiot’. what i’m not liking about this whole arc is that it continues strike me as a poorly thought out attempt by mceldowny to make seth somehow more complicated or something.

  155. Aviatrix
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#128): This wasn’t meant to imply that the part of the world where you live is in someway inferior to the ones where sushi is as generic as hot dogs, but I’m aware that it comes off as arrogant and superior as something in 9CL, so instead of apologizing, I’ll go and have hand sex now.

  156. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 20th, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#114):

    Curtis – Well there! Problem resolved! Curtis is no longer pressured into a relationship he doesn’t want, Chutney has found an object for her obsessive affections who actually appreciates them, everyone’s happy! Now we can move on a plot that isn’t aggravating, right? …right?

    I’m not usually one to discourage optimism, but…

  157. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    PLUGGERS — Out here in Iowa, the only roads with rest-stop announcements are interstate highways, and they always have well-defined shoulders. The vegetation doesn’t come right up to the edge of the travel lane, ever. So it would appear that the Pluggers are putt-putting along on said shoulder, and I hope to heaven that they’ll be stopped and questioned about their erratic driving before they reach that next rest stop.

  158. commodorejohn
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#157): Dammit.

    @Poteet (#158): Naturally, they’re also putt-putting along at five miles per hour below the minimum posted speed.

  159. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#79): You are correct, of course. Apparently Pluggers don’t think or see too well when their eyeballs are swimming. Or drive too well, either. See #158.

  160. Dobe G
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @balthazar (#155): I guess what I’m wondering is, if Roger doesn’t display the stereotype gay “indicators” how did everyone “know” he was gay?

  161. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#159): Naturally. And I was behind a Plugger once when he backed down an entrance ramp, believe it or not. Fortunately I was able to get out of the way. Even on rural interstates, that’s not real bright.

  162. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Dobe G (#150):

    Well, it could be that McE is getting at the idea that “gaydar” is an actual thing and not just the result of reaching conclusions based on someone conforming to popular gay stereotypes (mannerisms, speech patterns, etc.). Or it could be that he has already forgotten how the story began and is just making it up as he goes along.

  163. The "Noodle Incident"
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Ever since the appearance of the high school “punk” (who looks like a middle aged man going undercover, badly…and creepily, if he’s making out with a teenager), I’ve thought, “That looks like Spider Jerusalem from the ‘Transmetropolitan’ comic books minus glasses and plus a fauxhawk.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transmetropolitan

    And then today I discover that the high school “punk” is called…Spider! Whee! Shout out? Or coincidence? (I’m guessing the latter, but you never know.)

    Now, if it were Spider Jerusalem going undercover, that would be badass. Alas, that’s too much to hope for.

  164. Dood
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: What’s a rest area to a plugger, a fire hydrant?

  165. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#139): That reminds me: I’m not usually a Barney & Clyde fan, but today’s strip has a rather nice little Marcie shout-out.

  166. commodorejohn
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#163): Why can’t it be both?

  167. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166): d’awwww. That’s cute.

  168. Mark B
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    The line ‘are you threatening me’ is making me have Beavis and Butthead flashbacks. I’m kind of wondering if the two guys in this RMMD tableaux are really Beavis and Butthead all grown up. Butthead’s hair is prematurely white due to drug abuse. Beavis’ excuse has to be self-abuse.

  169. Devlin Von Horne
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Why not rename this strip “Poop and Pee Jokes”? It would at least remove the charade that this strip is a serious commentary on how ordinary anthropomorphic Americans just sort of, you know, make do. Instead we get lame jokes about making doo doo.

  170. balthazar
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Dobe G (#161): but that’s just it. edda and her family and seth are equipped with a special gay-dar that mere mortals don’t have, that’s what makes them worthy of being drawn out of mceldowney’s magic ink bottle. not that i necessarily disagree with the premise. i don’t want to read a strip about a bunch of non-entities. that’s what funky winkerbean is for.
    i generally like 9CL — except for that deeply unfunny idiot in the overalls — just not what’s going on with seth lately. it hasn’t resonated with me. ymmv.

  171. frippy
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: The only way this fight could get worse is if the principal says Good Charlotte is his favorite punk rock band.

  172. Swordsmith
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @frippy (#172): I know it’s not punk, but I often wondered what happened to Where’s Betty when they added Betty to the bottle. Did they change their name to Oh There She Is?

  173. Johann Sebastian Cock
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Um, excuse me Josh, but have we forgotten Peter “Spider” Stacy of the Pogues? Some belligerent Geezer is roight ta woynd up wit’ a tin wistle shoved up ‘is arse.

  174. gkl
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: There’s only one way to top a wacky diuretic joke like this. So now, in addition to the extreme heat, Americans need to be wary of Plugger enema jokes by the end of the week.

  175. Chyron HR
    July 20th, 2011 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @balthazar (#171): Seth doesn’t like it when you refer to his system for Gay Detection And Ranging as a “gaydar”.

  176. Baka Gaijin
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166): That was subtle. I like it.

  177. Dood
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Devlin Von Horne (#170): “Making doo doo”? Is that what pluggers call it?

  178. Ned Ryerson
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: I’ll be the nth person to call bullshit on Pluggers use of the word diuretic. Everyone knows that real Pluggers use the more earthy and evocative term “water pill”.

  179. Braniff
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    FC: “three if by air” prompting Jeffy to look Oedipally at the rack on his mommy’s chest, subsequentally lusting for it.

  180. Braniff
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers are not worried about the long trip to the next rest area. They help keep the foliage along the way green and fertile. (I’m not sure if they get a tax deduction for highway beautification, though.)

  181. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @frippy (#172):

    “Good Charlotte”? More like bad Green Day, amirite?

  182. Mollificent
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#123): Actually, MY tastes run more to Lemon Drops and tea towels. ;)

  183. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Pluggerz: I call BS on using rest stops too. Since all Pluggers have diabetes, their sucrose-laden urine would attract bees making it easier for the Plugger-bears to track down their delicious honey.

  184. seismic-2
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Dustin: Apparently flashing a big grin and popping a grape into it is this strip’s version of Batiuk’s “toothless smirk” way of delivering a feeble punch line. I have trouble believing that this strip is even published, much less that it was nominated for a Ruben award. The strip is as worthless as its eponymous character.

  185. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — Huh. “Spider” was my nickname during a few summer-camp sessions, decades ago. I chose that name because I like spiders. Had I seen this dude, I might have chosen Spider Wasp instead.

  186. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mollificent (#183): ok, so we put bourbon babe in the tea towel. . . .

  187. Esther Blodgett
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @cloudbuster (#103): I was thinking more along the lines of a rousing send-up of “Oklahoma!” But…but yours works, too.

  188. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#186): Come to think of it, why has Spider-Man never faced Spider Wasp as the ultimate S-M villain? Spider Wasp would grab Peter, inject him with a paralyzing agent, stuff him into a mud nest, and lay an egg on him. Then Peter could just relax (not that he’d have much choice) and wait for the egg to hatch and the wasp larva to eat him alive. As long as a TV was provided, he might not even mind that much.

  189. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#186): further information on Pompilidae can be found on the internet.

    (someone tell Jackel Rod about these things. . . )

  190. Uncle Lumpy
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    New frontiers in hand sex.

  191. Violet
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    I think the greatest impediment to Spider’s punk credibility is his unfortunate habit of peppering his conversation with such toothless epithets as “pinhead” and “geezer.” I will be very much surprised if tomorrow doesn’t find our “young” “tough” enjoining this long-suffering administrator to “Buzz off, creepola.”

  192. Violet
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    There’s something to be said for being the best at what you do, even if what you do is, like, completely terrible. Only Funky Winkerbean could render the protagonist’s decision not to behave like a vindictive, immature shitbag somehow depressing.

  193. bats :[
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Dear God, Knut in drag looks way too much like TV’s Craig Ferguson…

  194. Dood
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: If pluggers just pull over and do it on the side of the road, won’t that create traffic problems as normal humans slow down to take pictures and toss them marshmallows and bread?

  195. Cyranetta
    July 20th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    MW: I am more convinced than ever that both Jeff and Mary are audioanimatronic.

    This umpteenth iteration of Jeff “proposes/Mary disposes” must be a self-diagnostic subroutine that must be run between x number of storylines. If Jeff offers something more lively or Mary changes her answer whichever Worthbot showing tghe deviation will need to have its operating system reloaded.

  196. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

  197. Aviatrix
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#188): There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

    It would explain a lot now, wouldn’t it? The Spider-Man wasp didn’t inject quite enough poison to totally immobilize him, just enough to make him completely ineffectual.

  198. Baka Gaijin
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Cyranetta (#195): I don’t care what they are. We should have been at the Bum Boat. I miss Singing Billy Bass.

  199. ArchieNemesis
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Hold up there, Archie comic-strip-drawing robot. Modern moms do not bustle into teenagers’ rooms, wearing an apron and swishing a straw broom — that hasn’t happened in at least 50 years. Someone must have accidentally flipped your Relevance switch to the Not At All setting.

  200. Fashion Police
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#116), @Dennis Jimenez (#126):
    You may recall that Dr. Cory’s daughter had a mood-dress that changed from aubergine to black at the climax of her ill-fated romance with Mr. Ted Confey. One wonders if Dr. Drew Cory also possesses this apparently genetic anomaly, and if he will use his power for good or evil.

  201. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

  202. Marc
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois- It’s a good thing Chip didn’t say this to his mother or she might have made her most over the top shocked face ever, so much so that it may have stuck that way. Which might make the strip actually entertaining.

    Funky- Cayla, Why the long face?

    Luann- On any other character, Knute’s shit eating perpetually grin would be annoying. But since he’s maybe the only tolerable character in the strip and was the only one realized what farce the “beauty paegant” was, I’ll let it slide.

  203. Scott Bot
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Luann – It’s a sad commentary on the artwork for this strip that it took me a few minutes to figure out that the two of them had switched clothes.

  204. commodorejohn
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#203): I’m not entirely convinced they did. Maybe they just switched faces.

  205. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#188):

    Come to think of it, why has Spider-Man never faced Spider Wasp as the ultimate S-M villain? Spider Wasp would grab Peter, inject him with a paralyzing agent, stuff him into a mud nest, and lay an egg on him. Then Peter could just relax (not that he’d have much choice) and wait for the egg to hatch and the wasp larva to eat him alive. As long as a TV was provided, he might not even mind that much.

    Seriously, do you really, really want to go there?

    http://www.dreamwidth.org/userpic/425099/476290

    (Don’t say I didn’t warn you!)

  206. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    for bb,u and mollificent.

    (and a slightly naughtier alternative version.)

  207. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#193): I was thinking more like Howie Mandel in his hair/rubber glove/St. Elsewhere days.

  208. bbofun
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    “Self-loathing punk” would be a great name for a Polka band.

  209. Baka Gaijin
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Tommie’s expression in the last panel is telling me, “My cat poops so much! Keep talking and I’ll be smooshing it on your face!”

  210. bbofun
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    I love the way Spider uses the phrase “verbally assaulted”- I think Spider’s a narc, man.

  211. Sequitur
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

  212. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    This spider is way more awake than the one we’re used to.

  213. Écureuil Écumant
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    JP: “Good night, Katherine, I love you!”

    And good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.

  214. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Honestly I can’t tell who’s older in this stare down, Billy Idol or Blue from Old School.

  215. Fashion Police
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Madcap youth Knute and Crystal attending ComicsCon dressed as each other is not only “refreshingly wholesome by Luann standards” (@commodorejohn (#114)), it’s rather the cleverest thing Mr. Evans has done in some time. We are particularly taken by Knute’s obliviousness to the taboo or fetishistic implications of a young man in women’s clothing, although we would have preferred that he shave his legs.

  216. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Looking into Ernie’s eyes is like peeking into the 7th level of Hell. Seriously, Who Plucked His Eyes Out?

  217. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#211): *SNURK!!!*

    I’m glad that I finished my drink before looking at that.

  218. This Guy
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#193): He looks forward to your letters.

  219. Écureuil Écumant
    July 20th, 2011 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#202): “Funky- Cayla, Why the long face?”

    It seems to be some kind of cosmic wormhole Whack-A-Cranium. John F. Thrasher’s head gets squished down and Cayla’s pops out a lantern jaw.

  220. Hank
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#188): In fact, there is a Spiderman villain named Shathra who is the human spider-wasp. She is not to be confused with the superhero named, simply, the Wasp.

  221. This Guy
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: A 4.3 GPA? The hell? Is this one of those things where you get 5 points for getting an A in an AP class?

  222. commodorejohn
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#190): Further proof that the entire advertising industry should be deported to reeducation camps where they are forcibly instilled with even the vaguest clue how human beings think, speak, or act.

  223. Devlin Von Horne
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#177):

    I’m sure there’s suitable Plugger term for evacuating one’s bowels, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to wiki the Plugger dictionary to find it.

  224. Sequitur
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @academic writing jobs (#222): Hey BATIUK! There’s spam for you.

  225. The Restless Mouse
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    H&J: That hearse looks like it was designed to be used at Ziggy’s funeral.

  226. Droopy Says
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Mole Man Fan y(#332): Sorry, I was too disturbed by the horror to provide warning details. And I don’t get it. Doesn’t Crystal dislike Knute? So why does she suddenly trade clothes with him? Is she whoring herself for the tickets? How do the swapped clothes fit so well, and does Crystal wear a wig? I can only hope she plans to knock him out, put his body in the back of a passing truck, and let him wake up in northern Arizona.

    Pluggers: A Plugger’s car has its own rest stops. They’re called tires.

    Family Circus: “Daddy said ‘One if by land and a two-by-four upside the head if we say one more Keane Kyootie today!’” Can’t this strip be banned in Boston?

  227. Écureuil Écumant
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Devlin Von Horne (#224): Actually, the technical term for that process, when it concerns Pluggers, isn’t “evacuating” but “disimpacting”.

  228. Liam
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    BC-Advocating the practice of murder and wearing the skin of your murder victims.

    JP-Quick Judge get back to your hotel room before one of the exiting theater patrons recognizes you from watching you on the Internet instead of watching “Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark” that paid to see.

  229. Droopy Says
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#114): DT – You know, now that I think of it, isn’t it kind of poor business etiquette to conduct a kidnapping using a company vehicle?

    It wasn’t even a proper kidnapping. Honeymoon put herself into the van while her house was being burgled. I hope the defense attorney remembers that. Meanwhile, my call is that tomorrow we’ll find BB Eyes buried under cartons of pirated DVDs, echoing his original death during WW II (dragged down by his black market tires).

    The New Team has been forced to work under some odd restrictions, for reasons which grow increasingly complex. Apparently they were told to keep their arcs short when someone at TMS realized Locher’s meandering lunacies cost them reader. And the word on the gocomics forum is that they can now write somewhat longer arcs. But at the same time, when they wrote this arc they spent one day on a scene with a demolished building, and another day with a hood leaving prison, and several days with Diet Smith showing off the latest version of the wrist gizmo. I could have done with an explanation of how they figured out which warehouse to raid.

  230. commodorejohn
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#230): Someone should’ve explained to the syndicate that it was the fact that they were completely incoherent and repetitive that turned people off Locher’s later stories, I think…it will be interesting to see what happens with the strip as the syndicate and the new team hash out their differences and settle into a more comfortable groove.

  231. Darryl Heine
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    FOR ARCHIE 1990: Is Archie using a circa 1990 PC computer to use the internet when it isn’t heard of back in 1990?

  232. Pseudo3D
    July 20th, 2011 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Staton and Curtis (DT creator, not the comic strip) read this blog. I’d like to ask them, if I could, a storyline with Mordred again. No body, no death.

  233. Droopy Says
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#231): Dick Tracy is already orders of magnitude better now than it was under Locher. The artwork is some of the best you’ll see in any strip (there’s Endtown and C’est la Vie; I dislike the stories in Gasoline Alley and Phantom, but the artwork is normally all right). The fast-forwarded stories have their frustrating moments, but there are usually enough subtle clues to let you figure out what’s going on.

    Mike Curtis and Jim Doherty (their police adviser) are frequent contributors on the Gocomics forum, and they answer questions. They don’t make excuses for the problems, but they do let us know they have to deal with some arbitrary constraints.

  234. Fashion Police
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#227):
    We are not troubled by the origin of the tickets or whether they magically floated off to San Diego. Perhaps they are attending the locall Pittsview version of ComicsCon. The same for why their clothes fit. It’s no more puzzling than that only nine students attend Pitts High School.

    Crystal frequently finds Knute irritating, but she likes him better than any of the other three boys at Pitts High. She can’t be nice to him in public because it would compromise her haughty gothgrrl facade. However, he makes her laugh, which she secretly enjoys even though she fights it, and deep down she recognizes that in their own ways they’re kindred spirits. She’s not really prostituting herself. One suspects that however much she wants to go she wouldn’t accept tickets from Elwood or Quill, or even Gunther.

    We find the whole thing rather cute, and a welcome change from the usual tawdry state of affairs in the Luanniverse. We hope it will be a few more days before we are forcibly returned to Mr. Evans’ regularly scheduled programming.

  235. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#186): Choose some nice bourbon, and we could be talking “Dance of the Seven Tea Towels.”

    @This Guy (#221): Yep, that’s it exactly. And many, many college-bound kids have GPAs higher than 4.0 (which exacerbates their shock when they get to my class and just can’t get that precious, precious A).

  236. bats :[
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#207): that works, too.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#206): could I get two of No. 2 to go, please?

    @This Guy (#218): Dear Craig and Geoff…

  237. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    otter pups remind me of the Muppaphone.

  238. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

  239. TheDiva
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @Cyranetta (#195): “All the strip’s characters are robots” may very well replace “All the strip’s characters are inmates of an insane asylum” as my favorite Mary Worth Epileptic Tree.

    @Fashion Police (#235): Crystal and Knute seem to be the only couple in the Luannverse capable of talking to each other without resorting to awkward dancing around the subject or uncomfortable innuendo, which automatically gives them the most functional and sympathetic relationship in the strip.

  240. Joshua
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8): This Family Circus arc is taking place in Boston; Betsy Ross lived in Philadelphia.

  241. Charly
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Given his couture, I’m pretty sure that guy is actually a veteran of the Boer War, and that his name is Nigel Fotheringham-Phipps, and that this is in fact 1978, making him roughly 98.

  242. zerowolf
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: Come one Mary, you’re what 70? I’m pretty sure you’re done going through “the change.”

  243. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#241): You’re right, of course. I’m just astonished that on this site, it took over 230 comments for someone to notice that!

  244. zerowolf
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    FC: As someone from the Boston area this is really bizarre. The Old North Church in the background is no where near the George Washington statue shown on Tuesday and for that matter no where near any trees shown on either day.

  245. anonymous
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Spider” there looks less like a 40 year old punk (dressed up in the garb of his youth – for nostalgia’s sake, or to show the girl what cool kids dressed up like before she was born?) and looks more like an evil Huron Indian from “Last of the Mohicans”. he looks like he’s going to sink a tomahawk into nosy teacher’s noggin.

  246. Here Come ole Flattop
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#235): Evans is located up the coast, somewhere. Encinitas, Del Mar, something like that. It’s not too hard to get down to San Diego, except when the County Fair (thankfully closed for another year) or the racing at Del Mar is in play (regretably, today’s the first day of the racing season). So, them being in San Diego this weekend? Yeah, they could do that. . .

  247. Droopy Says
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#235): Thanks for the background. I try not to look at Luann too much, so I know very little about Crystal and Knute. I’m a bit flabbergasted to realize this strip has two characters with redeeming human characteristics. I didn’t know Evans was that familiar with Earth. I wish his species would finish its efforts to demoralize the world and get on with the invasion, so we can watch him (and Batiuk and McEldowney) die from the common cold.

  248. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    FW: I haven’t seen such scintillating repartee since my last Nacissists Anonymous meeting.

  249. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#249): Crap. N-A-R-C-I-S-S-I-S-T-S.

  250. Buck Ripsnort
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    BC: Am I just really old, or does Thor in today’s strip appear to be wearing a Mohair jacket? How the heck did he skin a Mohair?

  251. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    The Cory’s are sure a fertile territory for relationship “don’ts”. They should turn Peace Village in a monastery, then stay there. Forever. Please.

  252. Miss Othmar
    July 20th, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#244): I don’t actually read FC; I just assumed from the comments that the Keanes were making a tour of the East Coast….

  253. brendancalling
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    not sure if this has been mentioned by others, but in the 1980s, there was a very good punk band from RI called Verbal Assault. So I kinda liked seeing that in RMMD!

  254. Buck Ripsnort
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    106.Comcis Fan
    FW: I’m confused. Is the subject is self-loathing punk, why is there no visual of Les Moore? I guess Les isn’t a punk.

    The word you’re looking for is PUTZ, gentile.

  255. Droopy Says
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#250): True narcissists know that their alternative spelling is the artistically superior supreme one.

  256. bats :[
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

  257. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#256): Well said. Other strips straight from NA: 9CL (all of ‘em), A3G (delightfully so), The Shaft (what’s the opposite of delightful?) and JP (all of ‘em).

  258. bats :[
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#245): was it like that in 1988 when this vacation first ran (heck, maybe it originally ran in the 1970s…I think they pulled that stunt with one of the beach vacations)? Everything changes, except for the Keanes, you know.

  259. Spunde
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Luann: It did occur to me that, well, they are dressed as characters from the comics. It’s even believable this far: Knute and Crystal are the only characters in the strip who could know they’re characters in a strip without sitting around and talking about it for ever.

    Which means, I fear, three or four days worth of other characters telling each other how unbelievable it is that Knute and Crystal went dressed as each other.

  260. zerowolf
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#259): I don’t believe there have been trees in front of the Old North Church since Paul Revere as that is the oldest area of the city. There are some trees in a park behind the site but those are scraggly locust trees.

    The George Washington statue is located in the Public Gardens (where they have the swans, the swan boats and the Make Way for Ducklings statues*) about three miles away. Facing the George Washington statue as seen Tuesday puts your back to the Old North Church.

    *Make Way for Ducklings is not to be confused with Make Way for Drunklings, which is the St. Patty’s Day parade in South Boston**.

    **Which is not to be confused with the South End which is west of the North End. The North End is south of East Boston. There is no West Boston. Either way the roads follow 17th century cow paths so in order to find your way around Boston you need to think like at 17th century cow.

  261. The Ridger
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    MT: You know, I don’t mind so much that Mark is telling Myson John that he doesn’t have to feel guilty over killing noncombatants – er, because noncombatants got killed. This is Mark, after all; he’s about as incapable of appreciating an emotional reaction as any Star Trek world-running-computer.

    But I really hope that two sentences don’t cure John’s PTSD; that I would resent.

  262. Charterstoned
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

  263. Sans Sense
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#262): Only Mary could cure Myson John’s PTSD by getting him off that pesky Internet.

  264. gnemec
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    What is that stuff appearing above Spider’s head? When someone utters the magical word “punk,” does his mini-mohawk suddenly burst into full bloom?

  265. Liam
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    FC-Dolly, it is three lanterns if they are coming by land and sea. Haven’t you seen “Duck Soup”?

  266. Miss Othmar
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    Notice to Cul de Sac fans: Help support Parkinson’s research by purchasing a very limited edition CdS print. Signed by the never-maligned-here-because-he’s-talented-and-amusing Richard Thompson. $50, such a deal. Details here.

  267. Aviatrix
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Either way the roads follow 17th century cow paths, so in order to find your way around Boston you need to think like at 17th century cow.

    I have spent time walking around Boston. If I go back I’ll try wandering from one patch of tasty grass to another, lowing.

  268. nescio
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#153): So John’s going to transfer from the Mark Trail comic strip to Pluggers?

  269. greghousesgf
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @els (#61): I’d be nice to him, I might get free fried chicken and popcorn out of it.

  270. cheech wizard
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    YesterPluggers: Fido, are you ready to E-A-T the rabbit?

    A3G – Margo’s brilliant idea involves convincing celebrities that Mills Gallery is actually a Habitat for Humanity project, and handing them a hammer and saw.

    FW – So instead I beat him to death with a tire iron. Somehow, that felt a lot more fulfilling.

    MW – Concessions for Mary, benefits for Jeff – I’m impressed by the way this strip keeps dancing around the fact that Mary just doesn’t want to put out.

    Phantom – Does a jungle breakfast involve devouring children who wander into the woods? Please tell me it does.

    SF – I’m not sure if I enjoy Sally Forth because Francesco is a truly funny guy, or because what he does to the characters is sweet revenge upon the smug, pretentious monsters they used to be.

  271. commodorejohn
    July 20th, 2011 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#270): I honestly have no memory of what Sally Forth was like before Ces came on board, as I didn’t start following the strip regularily until 2006. Was it a lot less tongue-in-cheek, then?

  272. Droopy Says
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#270): Phantom – Does a jungle breakfast involve devouring children who wander into the woods?

    No, “jungle breakfast” is another way of saying “hot lunch.” Which sticks to the Bandar tongue.

  273. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#197): It would indeed explain a lot. And perhaps The Spider Wasp has since decided to just follow him around from time to time and laugh.

  274. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#205): GACK! I’ll pay more attention to your warnings next time!

  275. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#273): The “around” part is an exaggeration, of course.

  276. Scott Bot
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#260): You have to think like Ye Olde Plugger Cow?

  277. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#220): Thanks! Holy moly, it’s a whole other universe.

  278. Sgt. Stoned
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m all set for a new strip: “Mary Worth: The Prequel” wherein we get to see what a ball-busting bitch Mary was during her married days and how her husband left the house one day “to buy a pack of cigarettes” and never came back.

  279. Scott Bot
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#278):

    Got a wife whose name is Mary Worth, Jack
    I went out for a ride and I never went back.

  280. Poteet
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    MT — I may be wrong, but as far as I can recall, John’s only two occupations so far have been the military and squatting-and-poaching. So “thinking about his future” is probably a good idea. It sounds as if he doesn’t want to go back to the military, squatting-and-poaching may no longer be an option (especially now that Mark knows where to find and hound him), and as far as I can tell, there’s only one opening for a guy who randomly travels around finding lost puppies and saving imprisoned women on tropical islands, and we know who’s got that gig nailed down.

  281. Aviatrix
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#276): Oddly, considering that information, Boston seemed to have a low concentration of Pluggers. It was big on engineering students and beatniks. (Beatnik is a hippy who bathes, right?)

  282. Nekrotzar
    July 20th, 2011 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t ‘diuretics’ the name of a book by L. Ron Hubbard?

  283. Walker of Dog
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#245): I thought that was Paul Revere’s statue yesterday. He’s right by the Old North Church.
    Meanwhile, John Adam’s house sits, forgotten and sullen, checking the latest attendance figures on Monticello’s website.

    @Sans Sense (#249):
    Me: “Hello, I’m Walker of Dog, and I’m a narcissist.”
    Audience: “Me too!”

  284. Baka Gaijin
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#240): The Keene Kids don’t really care about that fact. They want to see Betsy Ross’ house, they’re gonna see it, damnit, even if Daddy Keene has to drive them by a Cracker Barrel restaurant and call it the Flag Lady’s Home.

    @Droopy Says (#247): Even a broke watch is correct twice a day.

    @Aviatrix (#267): “To find your way around Boston you need to think like at 17th century cow.” Does that mean to get around a certain Canadian town I have to think like Elly Patterson a 20th century cow?

  285. Farley's Revenge
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “We’d better cool it”-I get it now. This is a flashback of some sort. It has to be because surely teens of today-even ones who look like they’re old enough to legally buy booze on campus-use the term “cool it”. Even “chill” is probably outdated.

  286. Droopy Says
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: MJ beats Spidermouse to the couch, meaning he’ll have to spend another night sleeping alone in the bed.

    Family Circus: Count on the Keanes to turn the Freedom Trail into a totalitarian experience.

    EffYou Wankerbean: Please don’t let Les sing “Big Yellow Taxi.” Or is he hinting to Cayla that she’s no longer wanted?

    Phantom: Wow, there really is such a thing as a stupid question! And a matching stupid answer! It only hurts when he laughs, Poindexter, so he’s safe.

    Mark Trail: Okay, how did Trail get Myson John to leave the wilderness? Did Trail threaten to display an emotion? Because I can see how that would be too much for a shell-shocked veteran to endure.

  287. Aviatrix
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#284): I’m not sure which Canadian city you could accuse of being mapped by a cow. BC ones might be on trails first established by mountain goats. Prairie cities might have all been mapped with a ruler. Maybe Québec City, but I think that’s more 17th century soldiers. No cows in Nunavut. Newfoundland probably follows trails made by Vikings. Maybe Halifax is your best bet for cows. Where is Elly from? I think they’re Westcoasters.

  288. carbunicle
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    @LV (#9): “Anyway, Mark Twain isn’t having any of that shit.”
    Where was this guy when Les was getting his tonsils detailed in the teacher’s lounge?

  289. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:45 am [Reply]

  290. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#284):

    Even a broke watch is correct twice a day.

    Not if it’s in military time.

  291. ElkMeadow
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Uh oh, Mr. Geezer grabbed Punk by the jacket. Mr. Geezer just lost his job, his benefits and his retirement. Wait, he’s protected by the teacher’s union…. So is this a comic strip or what?

    Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. Mary pulled and Obliviate on you, didn’t she? That’s pretty much the same thing she’s said all the other times you proposed. You do remember proposing before, don’t you?

  292. Andy
    July 21st, 2011 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    Shocked that Spider would resort to a most un-punklike use of the present perfect tense.

  293. Nekrotzar
    July 21st, 2011 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#260):
    It’s closer to Worcester than Boston, but if you are in Westboro and go east you come to Southboro, if you go west you come to Northboro.

  294. Poteet
    July 21st, 2011 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    7/21

    MT — And it’s a real privilege to POACH in a wilderness area, too! What a great lesson to teach American youth, if any of them actually read this strip!

    RMMD — Fascinating. I wonder which planet this school is on.

  295. Aviatrix
    July 21st, 2011 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @Andy (#292): I think you’re all harshly stereotyping Spider. A mohawk, ’80s fashion sense, and facial piercings do not render a person unable to use the English language. He probably writes bestselling novels when he isn’t macking on high school girls. In fact, he’s not macking on her, but just making sure she’s okay after her recent suicide attempt. Didn’t you see it live? It was on the Internet.

  296. bats :[
    July 21st, 2011 at 2:15 am [Reply]

  297. This Guy
    July 21st, 2011 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#235): Ah. I’d heard tell of such things, but at my high school, being in an AP class meant you got 10 points added on to your final grade, and the GPA was the usual.

  298. commodorejohn
    July 21st, 2011 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#287): Elly and clan (and we mean “clan” in the very, very literal sense, I’m pretty sure they’ve actually gone to war with other groups a couple times) hail from Milborough, a fictional suburb of London, Ontario. So more east-ey than west, and not particularily coastal, unless you count the Great Lakes (and being a Duluther myself, I do.)

    (And yes, since my knowledge of Canadian geography is practically nil, I had to look that up. Eh, it’s not the most blatant faking of knowledge I’ve perpetrated.)

  299. mollificent
    July 21st, 2011 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#206): If I may quote the great George Takei, “Oh MY.”

  300. Droopy Says
    July 21st, 2011 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#211): Now if Mary hadn’t installed her babelfish backward, she’d find it much easier to communicate with human beings.

  301. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    July 21st, 2011 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    It doesn’t matter whether the old guy’s term for him is accurate, Spider’s simply not going to let anyone come by and tell him how to behave in his fortieth sophomore year.

  302. This Guy
    July 21st, 2011 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    Spider
    He is our hero!
    Spider
    Get rid of
    Spider
    Step on Spider!
    Spider
    We love you, Spider!

    “I promise not to kill you.”

    - From perhaps TMBG’s least sense-making song

  303. Eric J
    July 21st, 2011 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    @The Waz (#4):
    Now just remember that Spider is going up against retired detective Harry Callahan.

  304. Droopy Says
    July 21st, 2011 at 4:41 am [Reply]

    @share tips (#spammingbozo): Crystal Knute often find annoying, but she likes him better than any of the three other children of high-Pitts.

    Oh joy. Now the spambots can explain Luann.

  305. Spambot
    July 21st, 2011 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#305): Yeah, like who can’t explain Luann?!

    But seriously, check out our new line of Ed Hardy crap. Your insightful posts are etc.

  306. Écureuil Écumant
    July 21st, 2011 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    @share tips (#666): Dear Share Tips: It is with deepest regret that I must decline your kind invitation to join the International Society for Creative Mohelry.

  307. pugfuggly
    July 21st, 2011 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    A3G: Jebus, Paul, ‘heading home’ is just an expression, it doesn’t mean that Lu Ann is going to go back to live with you, your creepy mother, and your strangely young brother. Likewise, if she says she’ll ‘pick you up on the way’, you’re still going to have to get in the car by yourself….

    MW:

    MARY WARS IV: A NEW HOPE

    It is a period of interpersonal war.
    Dr Jeff, striking unawares at a charity benefit,
    Has made his first steps
    towards real intimacy with Mary.

    During the battle, Mary managed to
    stop his plans, using her ultimate weapon
    REFUSAL TO CHANGE, an excuse
    powerful enough to ensure Dr. Jeff
    will never get anywhere near her ‘salmon square’

    Still pursued by Dr Jeff’s advances,
    Mary will have to race home
    to work on plans
    to restore her freedom
    and keep her meddling spinster ways….

  308. Little Guy
    July 21st, 2011 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#260): Actually, a quick Google Maps and Street View shows that a tree does grow in the North End.

  309. John C Fremont
    July 21st, 2011 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    @share tips (#303): Crystal Knute. The flavor you want, and only 15 calories!

  310. Ned Ryerson
    July 21st, 2011 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose & Grimm: Ontology doesn’t work that way.

  311. ArchieNemesis
    July 21st, 2011 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Today we see the quintessential Pluggers comic strip — the perfect summary
    of all that Pluggers live for.

  312. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 21st, 2011 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#309): Huh. I thought it grew in Brooklyn.

  313. Charterstoned
    July 21st, 2011 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MW – Well, great. Now Dr. Jeff has me wondering, somewhat apprehensively, what it is they actually do share. It’s not a residence, it’s not children, it’s not a profession. It doesn’t even look like it could be anything close to intimacy (although Pugfuggly’s reference to Mary’s “Salmon Square” @ #308, as horrifying as that was, made me consider the possibility, however briefly, before quickly rejecting it to quell my rising gorge). So the only thing I can come up with is a hideous fashion sense and a highly developed platitudinous verbosity.

  314. Matt
    July 21st, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Its supposed to be “Eagan” Minnesota

  315. bartcow
    July 22nd, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    A bit late to this thread, I know, but I’ve got to call bullshit. Pluggers, as I understand them, will totally pee on the side of the road without a second thought. Only the females are modest enough to barricade themselves with the front and rear car doors. And teenage Pluggers will totally pee off an overpass. I grew up in Pluggerville, so don’t tell me it ain’t so.

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