Main content:

Metapost: You’re bashing your head, son

OK, everybody, at long last: the complete list of Self-Clubbing Tyler Lookalike Contest entrants! Let’s start by taking a look at the glorious panel itself in all its glorious glory:

And now, to refresh your memory, the entries you’ve already seen. The first is from a reader who likes to be known as Dr. Jeff Corey. He sent several variations on his picture; this is the one I liked best.

Dr. Jeff’s lovely and talented wife, Lucy Van Pelt, added this Brynna Antenna cameo.

(You might remember Lucy as the winner of the Finger Quotin’ Margo contest. This is one family that just can’t get enough of the comics character imitatin’!)

But back to Tyler. Next up is faithful reader Harold. “I think a few neighbors are probably wondering why I had my 10-year-old nephew taking pictures of me whacking myself in the head with an oak tree branch,” he says.

Faithful reader Johnny Cat uses special effects to capture Tyler’s dead, dead eyes:

Faithful reader Kevin created a Tron-like virtual world wherein his self-clubbing took place:

And finally, here’s faithful reader Lee’s entry. “That orb is actually a basketball, a really dirty basketball,” he notes.

This bunch was indeed righteous and awesome, and it inspired a host of new entrants, who are you seeing now for the first time!

Let’s start with faithful reader TurtleBoy. “It ain’t much for accuracy, but I like the mathematical formulas in the background,” he says. (Does anyone in Milford actually understand math, other than Brick House?)

This one arrived without comment through my smoldering modem:

Faithful reader Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener offers this two-for-one head bash/M!B!S! merch model shot:

Here’s one from self-described “mostly lurker” hypochrismutreefuzz. I’m curious about what appears to be a cage apparatus in the background.

John B. used the power of PhotoShop for his entry (at least I hope so). “Please note the highly accurate hair curl,” he says.

I reproduce for you here the entirety of the note that accompanied this pic from faithful reader Wally Lamb:

Dear Sir/Madame:

I won this contest fair and square. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never filed a police report. I never accused anyone. Everyone thinks I’m stupid, even Brynna. But I got one over on all of you!

And finally, here’s faithful reader Spotted HØrse. He’d like to assure you that photographic trickery, and not Mother Nature’s cruelty, is responsible for the shape of his noggin in this photo.

The inimitable and awesome Dean Booth, you may recall, has created a Self-Clubbing Tyler Action Figure, which is going to serve as the prize for this here contest! Here he is in mint condition in his original packaging:

And this is what the playset looks like when you get it all put together:

And, oh yeah, did we mention that it has mechanical parts that really work? You’d better believe it, buddy!

Still more pics are available on Dean’s Web page, including a good one of the back of the action figure’s bloody head. Anyway, it’s going to be excruciatingly difficult for me to figure out who deserves this most, so look for me to take another week of farting around to do it. Meanwhile, debate the merits of the entrants in the comments on this post! You may sway me! You may not! But you’ll enjoy it!

58 responses to “Metapost: You’re bashing your head, son”

  1. Trotzenbonnie
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    At the risk of pissing off Emperor Chinnuts who submitted an admirable photo, I still think KEVIN!

    (Does anyone else get a weird feeling when they see fellow Mudges’ real faces?)

  2. Weasel Boy
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Some nice work in the new batch of entries, but I’m still voting for Kevin

  3. td
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    I vote John B. Not only does he include the authentic curl, but also the frown and, if you squint just right, the tear squiggling down his cheek.

    But, I agree, it’s a tough choice. Honorable mentions all around.

  4. Dean Booth
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Great stuff. I’m going to cast a vote for Kevin.

    #1 Trotzenbonnie, yes, I get that weird feeling, too. In this case, maybe it’s from seeing Tyler in the flesh.

  5. John C Fremont
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I still like Kevin’s the best, although I appriciate that Johnny Cat looks like Ed Helms. They’re all great, though.

    When the contest first began, I was going to borrow a mannequin’s arm and prop it behind my head to get that proper Tyler-like dislocated arm look, but due to extreme laziness and an overly developed sense of procrastination, I never got around to it. I say that anyone who was creative enough to actually do what you guys have done deserves a Tyler action figure – except for Lucy Van Pelt, who deserves a Brynna action figure.

  6. Non-Shannon
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Many extra points to Dr. Jeff Corey for the comic-panel shaped picture and superimposed voice-over bubble, not to mention the perfect brow-curl, but Kevin’s is pretty margoing good. That being said, I VOTE CHENNUX!

  7. Red Greenback
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    My head is spinning! Two blogposts in like, what, an hour? take it easy there, Quick Draw McFruhlinger!

  8. BoShek
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m going with my homie John B. Look at all the black-and-white Thorpian goodness, the hair, the white… ball… thing and authentic car. A brilliant contest, but that’s the one I like best.

  9. Shannon
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]


  10. Galactic Emperor Chennux©™®
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]





  11. SecretMargo
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!

    (I like to imagine myself as one of the insane benchfillers making up the crowd scenes in Thorpian backgrounds. Can I be the Person Of Indeterminate Gender Wearing A Fur-Trimmed Jacket And Hat Even Though He Or She Is Inside seen here: Pretty please?)

    Now back to the matter at hand:

    Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!

  12. John C Fremont
    May 20th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, the fate of the planet may depend on Chennux winning the contest so, uh, I think maybe I’d better change my endorsement to The Emperor.

    (Shhh – Kevin still deserves it, but don’t tell the Big Guy!)

  13. Non-Shannon
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Subtle-Aldo-reference alert in today’s Ink Pen!

  14. Octal
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    It’s a tough choice… I think that Dr. Jeff Corey and Kevin have the most faithful reproductions of the positioning and, most importantly, Tyler’s calm, dead (lack of) expression–and, I have to admit, I am swayed by the environments–but in the end, I think Kevin’s is just a little bit closer (although I truly appreciate Dr. Jeff’s hairstyle and jacket, and the extra effort with the motion lines. And the extra panel). He just captured the expression the best, I think.

    I also like Turtleboy’s. He looks so peaceful, as though he were sleeping–much like Tyler. I like the formulas as well–they appear to be for integrating a three-dimensional volume?

  15. michael farris
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Kevin, Kevin Bo-Bevin,
    Banana fanna fo Fevin,
    Fee Fie Foe Mevin …. KEVIN!

  16. Spratson
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    I vote for Kevin. He even got the vaguely pant suit like sweat jacket. Though Dr. Jeff Corey did draw in ‘action’ lines. Impressive efforts. I say Corey is runner up!

  17. True Fable
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Gotta cast my support for Kevin.

    But oh my lord, Chennux just about stole the show, I did NOT expect that! I laughed so hard I think I pulled something vital. XD

  18. Octal
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    And I quite like Chennux’s, with the spaceship end in the background.

  19. SecretMargo
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    I still love love love Kevin’s rendition the best, but Wally Lamb’s is growing on me. The garish red of the gore + the black/white austerity of his Mudlarks T + the rockabilly spikes of his spitcurl-banged ‘do = a worthy runner-up, in my humble, gender-indeterminate estimation.

    But I’m still hooking my thumbs behind my ears and shouting like an overzealous, meddlin’ Mudlark madre: Kevin!

  20. O’Fogeyette
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Gotta vote as follows:

    1. GEC
    2. Kevin
    3. Wally Lamb. I loved the blood.

  21. Blynneda
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    For accuracy and (unrelated to the contest) hotness, I vote Kevin. Even still, I admire the efforts of all, especially Dr. Jeff and Chennux.

  22. Squid Countess
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Look at the way Gadge has bent his arms in a normal human fashion. He is so disqualified. This is Gil Thorp we’re talking about. No one has a normal human anatomy. (Nice shirt, though.)
    I have to vote for Lee ’cause I love the basketball; the dirty, dirty basketball.

  23. pesch
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Josh: Is that artwork a Phil Foglio? It looks a lot like his style, and I believe the airship is a reference to his comic company, “Airship Entertainments”

    If so, that would be awesome!

  24. Zamboni_Rodeo
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    I must cast my vote for Wally Lamb, who, in addition to sporting that snazzy Milford t-shirt, also bears a bit of a resemblance to Bryan Setzer.

  25. Zamboni_Rodeo
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    I must cast my vote for Wally Lamb, who, in addition to sporting that snazzy Milford t-shirt, also bears a bit of a resemblance to Brian Setzer.

  26. moose
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Lucy’s chopsticks remind me of something funny you said a few days ago but I’m too lazy to look it up.
    The demographics of your contestants skew older than I would have imagined; that makes me feel good: I’m among my on kind.
    I’d vote for Wally Lamb, its good to see a character from about 10 years ago come back for a final bow.

  27. Maughta
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    I like TurtleBoy, but maybe it’s just that I like seeing math professors hit themselves over the head with rulers? ‘Course, I’m married to him, so that probably disqualifies my vote.

  28. Islamorada Girl
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    If that’s the Wally Lamb who wrote Ophra-fied bestseller “She’s Come Undone”, I guess I will have to vote for him in solidarity with another writer.

    If not, Kev—-Stop, Emp! Don’t turn those cannons on me—-Uh,

    (Really Kevin, mostly for the mise-en-scene, although you’re all great!)


  29. Koko
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    John B gets my vote hands (or skull) down. Great grimace, excellent stick use and an overall authentic look.

  30. Wellsey
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Kevin’s pic gets me everytime I see it. Well done.

  31. Emily
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Technically speaking I guess Kevin’s is more accurate, but somehow Dr. Jeff Corey has the FEEL, you know? For me, at any rate. Also I think I maybe used to work with him.

  32. Sheilagh
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Haha, I made my pick (Lee) and then I read the comments, and I saw everybody likes Kevin, so I scrolled back up to see which one was Kevin, and GUESS WHAT — Kevin was my pick, too, I just accidentally read the Lee caption as though it referred to Kevin. So YES — Kevin Kevin Kevin!

    And Lee’s my first runner-up, because I loooove the dirty basketball, it’s sooooo Gil Thorpe, knowwhatImean?

  33. Poorly Disguised Pseudonym
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Support John B! The hair curl is SO AUTHENTIC!

  34. Johnny Cat
    May 20th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    You know, for taking about 15 minutes of my time, this was a lot of fun! Kevin and Dr. Jeff, I am in awe. Great entries all!

  35. tussilago
    May 20th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    This mostly-lurker has to unlurk to vote for John B. I love the grayscale photo and the background, particularly the action lines. They just scream, “Didn’t have to hit that hard”.

  36. Jean Arf
    May 20th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    Wally Lamb! Wally Lamb! Wally Lamb!

  37. Boyl
    May 20th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Gotta go with John B — he’s got the tragic youth look down pat

  38. anon
    May 20th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    I like Spotted HØrse except for the fact that the stick is all wrong, and therefore shouldn’t win, in my opinion. That said, I think it’s a toss up between Dr. Jeff Corey and Kevin, with Kevin’s being slightly more authentic looking (being clean shaven and all). Dr. Jeff Corey looks more like a comic book scene to me with the dark overall feeling, and the lines from the head are perfect, so he gets my vote–if I had one.

  39. Don, the Rebel Without a Blog
    May 20th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    I vote for Dr. Jeff Corey. His submission is almost perfect; had he shaven his beard, it would have been perfect. People should make sacrifices for their art.

  40. ever2seek
    May 20th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    i did not enter because i was afraid i might win.


    (good job, entrants!)

  41. Poteet
    May 20th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    I gotta vote Chennux. Apart from feeling irresistably compelled by an otherworldly magniforce, he’s got the weird arm angle down.

  42. Johnnycakes
    May 20th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]


    * Authenticity
    * Composition and Photoshoppery
    * He owns a display case perfect for the Self-Clubbing Tyler Action Figure

  43. skulking on the outskirts
    May 21st, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    I have to vote for GE Chennux, and no, not because I’m worried about magmacannons. I just go for the reptilian, stentorian kind. I’m weird that way. (Well, okay, not only that way, or I wouldn’t be here, obviously).
    But seriously, I just have to love an Imperial Lizard (with magmacannons, yet!) who still gets down with the common Earth monkey enough to contort himself into an uncomfortable position in order to enter one of our humble, amusing little contests. And sends out the image on the net, for the amusement of the hoi polloi. Whattaguy. It takes a tough, strong pseudo-reptilian to be so unafraid of looking silly in public.

  44. bob
    May 21st, 2007 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    it looks like Wally lamb used a honda element for the background photo; nice touch Wally! These cars look so Milford….if Jack Berril designed autos, they would all look like elements or those scion cars.

  45. The jazzman
    May 21st, 2007 at 6:04 am [Reply]

    My vote is for John B. for overall accuracy and “the look.” Great hair curl.

  46. TurtleBoy
    May 21st, 2007 at 6:08 am [Reply]

    #14 Octal, #27 Maughta: thanks for the support. Maughta will not have to sleep on the futon tonight. I think the emotionless expression was about all I got right, but I just wanted to play with the big kids. [sniff] And yes, Octal, I think I was helping an ex-Calc II student, now in Calc III, with his triple integrals. Fun!

  47. ridge
    May 21st, 2007 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    All truly amazing entries. Of course, the clear winner–which was so freakishly superior that it had to become the grand prize–is the Self-Clubbing Tyler Action Figure.

    That said, I think Spotted HØrse deserves an honorable mention. Look at that impossible arm angle. Nobody else came close to nailing the arm like that! And also his bizzare monkey-claw of a hand. And the stitches on the softball, which he presumably threw at himself in case the bark on his stick couldn’t do the job.

  48. Bootsybooks
    May 21st, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Only Spotted Horse end Chennux got the backwards arm thing right. Spotted Hrorse it is!

  49. Redmullet
    May 21st, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Kevin’s is definitely the best. The background is perfect, the clubbing is just right, and captured Tyler’s look of tired resignation.

  50. Katherine
    May 21st, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    If google images is to be trusted, apparently faithful reader Wally Lamb is not the same as Oprah book club Wally Lamb. Damn. My bubble is burst.
    I am going to vote for Johnny Cat because of the really creepy special effects.

  51. Johnny Cat
    May 21st, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Why, thank you Katherine!

  52. Katherine
    May 21st, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    You and your creepy, creepy eyes are very welcome!

    Now stop looking at me.

  53. Dub Not Dubya
    May 21st, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    I vote for Chennux, and I suggest a t-shirt with that picture on it and the text, “I don’t understand Chennux’s hostility toward himself.”

  54. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    May 21st, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    I am sorry about not getting the backwards arm thing right – as well as holding the famous barky stick with two hands…but I was in a weakened state, as the photo was taken immediately after that lost weekend, the memories of which are still disturbingly fuzzy and involve an enormous lizard and a pair of sweater-wearing puppies, neither of which were named “Shannon.” Or something like that.

    Back to my spring lurkage…

  55. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 22nd, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Dr. Jeff gets my vote, for paying the extra attention to the importance of little things like wardrobe. Kevin’s was very good, but if he had only opened his jacket…

  56. Anna
    May 22nd, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    I have to cast my vote for TurtleBoy, because 1) math is awesome, and 2) I think he teaches at my school… Go Bulldogs? It’s a small world.

  57. alamo
    May 22nd, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    iwasgoingtowhackmyselfup-sidetheheadwiththeclosestthingnearmewhichwasachickenlegbutidinthavesuppersoiateitandthebonelooked tooscragglytoenterinthecontestsoijustdecidedtowriteabutitinstead.

  58. Alex Blase
    May 23rd, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    I thought I’d be the only one saying Kevin, but a quick glance at the comments shows that I’m not alone. I like the background, and how he really got the facial expression accurate and natural, and the fact that he’s way hot.

    Keep up the hotness, kiddo.

Comments are closed for this post.