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“Also, maybe score more points than the other guys? I dunno, I’m not a scientist.”

Gil Thorp, 9/17/11

Year after year after year after year, Milford’s football season begins with a fiery pagan ritual during which the violent gods of the gridiron are propitiated for good luck with human sacrifice. I’m a little disappointed that this year’s flesh-searing mayhem has been relegated to a single panel, and even there serves only as a backdrop to more classic half-assed coaching from Gil. “Yeah, your only hope of winning this year is, uh, not suffering a season-ending injury! There’s probably more to it than that, but since you almost inevitably will suffer a season-ending injury due to poor coaching and your own incompetence, there’s really no point in me getting into it. Why not save yourself time and just go accidentally catch on fire over there?”

I like that Marty Moon and/or Gil Thorp refuse to tell us which team Paris and Ottewill play for, so we don’t know whether this dramatic early-game touchdown is good or bad for our heroes. It’s almost as if they expect you to have paid attention to the last few weeks of strips? But surely they can’t be that naive.

Shoe, 9/17/11

This strip certainly makes good use of the aphorism it picked out of Bartlett’s! Few things say “quiet desperation” more than someone so hung over that they need to wear sunglasses to the dark, sleazy bar where they’re going to try to pick up a sullen drunk.

Pluggers, 9/17/11

Pluggers know that the key to not being arrested for their horrifying collection of illegal pornography is to keep it analog.

38 responses to ““Also, maybe score more points than the other guys? I dunno, I’m not a scientist.””

  1. kefkaownsall
    September 18th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    My guess are that Pluggers watch pirated movies not realizign that it is so easy and less risky to get them online

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 18th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Pluggers — Beta to the max!

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 18th, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Henrietta and Earl are watching their old porno tapes when she performed under the name of “Hen Pecker” and her husband was “Doggy Stiles”.

  4. Uncle Lumpy
    September 18th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Not just the bonfire, but the Festival of the Roster! Gil Thorp never disappoints.

  5. Poor Thompson
    September 18th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Actually, this installment of Pluggers could have been a lot funnier if the caption were just shortened to “pluggers still watch videotapes.”, but everything else left the same.

  6. Joe Blevins
    September 18th, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]

  7. Poor Thompson
    September 18th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Alternatively, the panel could be improved by adding the words “Also, Pluggers don’t realize curtains can be closed.”

  8. Weaselboy
    September 18th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe, panel two: Worst Vulcan salute ever.

  9. Baka Gaijin
    September 18th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Josh and others. Plugger Porn is something I didn’t really need to ponder.

  10. Red Greenback
    September 18th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Do you know what they call Miles Paris in France? Royale Paris.

  11. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 18th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#3): *snurk*

    well played.

  12. Baka Gaijin
    September 18th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Belated thanks to @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#Y79). I’m not going anywhere near Bizarro today. Maybe tomorrow. I may not get any closer than Better Half and Blondie.

  13. ironflange
    September 18th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I don’t know what that ring’s made out of or what sort of rays it’s emitting, but Lu Ann had better wrap it in lead before people start keeling over from radiation poisoning.

  14. John C Fremont
    September 18th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#10): A Bob Ottewill’s a Bob Ottewill, but they call him Le Bob Ottewill.

  15. Westville Oncologist$$$$$
    September 18th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-due to the New World Order, Black Helicopters and the Liberal Media Conspiracies Pluggers are constantly looking out their windows for WACO style FBI SWAT teams determined to destroy their way of life.

    Shoe- “Live of Noisy Desperation” would make a good title for Funky Winkerbean, IMHO.

    Gil Thorp-
    Panel 1-and once again Gil Thorp has managed to avoid being burned to stake by staying out amongst the angry mob.
    Panel 2- Even the referees are bored by the events in Gil Thorp. Rather than actually flip the coin, the referee just tosses it in an non-chalant manner as if to say “heads. tails. what the hell difference does it make. Both you teams suck it.”
    Panel 3-Geez, even Marty Moons is phoning it in. Marty barely cares to inform the five or six listeners what team scored.

  16. NoahSnark
    September 18th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Let’s grade today’s strip against the Plugger success guide. Overweight anthropomorphic animals? Check. Antiquated technology? Check. Premise that most people would find inane? Check. Anti-government screed? Check!

    It looks like today’s strip covers all the hot buttons of the average Plugger reader. As such, marketing predicts it will find a home on no less than 1500 refrigerators.

  17. Baka Gaijin
    September 18th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    If anyone was wondering, Sunday’s post is up. Click on over while it’s fresh.

  18. Dan
    September 18th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Shameful admission time: I’m confused by Pluggers.

    Do Charles and Ellie George of Action Mass, or Brookins Art LLC, or maybe Dog Man and Chicken Woman think that the FBI warning means you’re not supposed to watch videotapes? Or is the implication that Dog Man and Chicken Woman are running some sort of black-market bootleg VHS operation for fellow Pluggers who have been embarrassed one too many times by asking for movie CDs at the Wal-Mart?

  19. Tophat
    September 18th, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Shoe would actually be pretty funny if there were 16 panels following the punchline where the birdman (That one is actually Shoe, right? Lord, why do I want to know that? What’s happening to me?!) just screams loudly with a panicked look on his face while the other bar patrons grow increasingly more awkward and unsettled.

  20. Kibo
    September 18th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    That coin flip in “Gil Thorp” is freaking me out and challenging my assumptions about the nature of consensus reality. The referee flipped the coin so hard it’s leaving his dimension and entering ours. Oh Em Gee, I never thought “Gil Thorp” would be what proved to me that we’re living in the Matrix, but there you go. Black is white, up is down, nothing is real, there is no coin. Now if you’ll excuse me, this means it’s okay for me to go on a killing spree.

  21. Lorne
    September 18th, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#10): Kilometers Paris?

  22. sporknpork
    September 18th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    After years of painful hand surgeries that nearly left him permanently numb in his extremity, the referee takes a brief moment to show that, indeed, he has regained his ability to use his right hand again with a Vulcan salute to the crowd. A really shitty Vulcan salute.

  23. BigTed
    September 18th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    I imagine pluggers only watch what they consider relatively clean, R-rated porn — though to us, it would still look like horrifyingly grotesque multi-species beastiality.

  24. Master Mahan
    September 18th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Clearly, only a prostitute would attempt to engage Shoe’s boss in conversation. I’d recommend he counter with “I think, therefore I am”, but that would be putting Descartes before the whores.

  25. Mollie
    September 18th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Oh good lord. Has “Pluggers” already exhausted the potential for “Don’t rip that tag off your mattress, har har!” gags? Given that (a) people who can read shouldn’t actually think the FBI is warning them not to watch the videotape on which the FBI warning appears, and (b) DVDs have anti-piracy warnings too, what really should have followed a “Pluggers still watch videotapes…” setup is some reference to the fact that they are still, in 2011, watching a videotape. The only thing worse than a lazy joke that doesn’t make any sense is a SMUG lazy joke that doesn’t make any sense.

  26. Chareth Cutestory
    September 18th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @BigTed (#23): One man’s horrifyingly grotesque multi-species beastiality is another man’s horrifyingly grotesque multi-species art.

  27. Chareth Cutestory
    September 18th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    GT: More so than ever, staying healthy is most important. That’s why we start each season out by burning all the mildewed, old furniture in town in a giant heap, then huddle around the fumes. Mmm, smell that? Smells like lungs getting tougher.

  28. Liam
    September 18th, 2011 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-Should worry less about the FBI and worry more about people finding out about them being twenty years behind technologically.

  29. Anonymous
    September 18th, 2011 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Master Mahan (#24): The male character at the bar is Shoe himself. He is the boss of the bird newspaper.

  30. Filthy Assistant
    September 18th, 2011 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

  31. greghousesgf
    September 18th, 2011 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Shoe is now using a variation on a joke in a story i wrote, but they managed to drain all the humor out of it. (slow facepalm)

  32. Jym Dyer
    September 19th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    =25= Pluggers (@Mollie): The mattress tag “joke” was done a few days earlier, submitted by a frequent contributor who lives a few miles from where I grew up. I am reminded of my Plugger upbringing every time they run one of her knee-slappers. The videotape gag comes from a lovely rural Massachusetts town that I’d never suspected harbored black-helicopter paranoia.

  33. Josh N.
    September 19th, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    The ref in Gil Thorpe is all like, “Well, Gentlemen, let’s have a good clean game, no eye-gouging or illegal use of fingernails, and live long and prosper. Oh yeah, somebody call this damned coin toss so I can pretend I give a rat’s ass.”

  34. Tommy
    September 19th, 2011 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Tom Wilson of Ziggy! RIP.

  35. Johngosaurus
    September 21st, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Applying Shoe logic to Gil Thorp: Baby, you put the MILF in Milford! Haw!

  36. Tom Falco
    September 23rd, 2011 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    I find this Pluggers cartoon very disturbing for some reason.

  37. Baramos
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Say what you want about Pluggers, the tape rewinder on top of the VCR was a nice touch (since the rewind on a VCR was always the first thing to go).

  38. Jobeth
    October 19th, 2011 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    So true. Hoesnty and everything recognized.

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