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Coming soon: Half(track) Metal Jacket

Beetle Bailey, 9/25/11

As I’ve noted before, I’m totally down Beetle Bailey’s depiction of General Halftrack’s increasingly rapid descent into alcohol-fueled dementia. I approve because I enjoy jarring mismatches of tone and subject matter, and unlike some strips we could mention that get Very Serious with their Sad and Serious topics, Beetle Bailey seems to be under the impression that Halftrack’s angry and disoriented flailing is awesome fodder for wacky jokes. Which it isn’t but there’s something meta-funny about the strip’s complete inability to see that, you know? Anyway, things get extra hilarious today when the General destroys Army property and then discharges his sidearm in violation of any number of military regulations, before collapsing (it’s not clear whether that’s because the booze has overpowered him or he’s suffered a deadly rage-stroke).

Oh, also, I made this panel for you, to use as your Twitter avatar or put on your Tumblr where you curate zany contextless images or whatever:

Family Circus, 9/25/11

Awww, Jeffy’s learning life skills! Hateable life skills.

214 responses to “Coming soon: Half(track) Metal Jacket”

  1. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth, shut your mouth. Bitch, didn’t you learn from that Zhu Zhu Pets fiasco a few years ago? All the good stuff is gone by Halloween unless you want to pay inflated eBay prices.

  2. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    I have a sick feeling reading Spiderman. I fear the police force is as ept as Spidey and they’re waiting at the wrong children’s hospital.

  3. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Josh, it’s not alcohol-fueled dimensia. General Halftrack’s PC is from HP’s “Rasputin” line of indestructible computers.

  4. John C Fremont
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    I may be mistaken, but I think that our own Galactic Emperor Chennux is making a special guest appearance in today’s Brewster Rockit.

  5. Dagger
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Ah, Jeffy’s learning how to avoid speeding tickets! Except when he grows up, police departments for miles around will have orders to shoot on sight.

  6. Lastbestangryman
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    I’m really intrigued by the design of Gen. Halftrack’s sidearm. Look at it closely; it could not possibly operate. There’s no room for a bullet to pass from the magazine into the barrel. The reason I bring this up is not to be pedantic, but clearly because someone in Camp has replaced Gen. Halftrack’s sidearm with a toy gun that simply makes “bang” noises when he depresses the trigger in a drunken rage….at his computer, at Gizmo, at Sarge…knowing that he will soon fall asleep and forget all about it.

  7. ZananIV
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Whoa, General Halftrack has a short fuse. Maybe having Beetle and his comrades under him for so long has finally pushed him over the edge. Can you really get mad at the guy? He has to listen to his underlings crack a “wacky” insult every single day of his life.

  8. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    iconic replacement, with puppy.

    prancing, with puppy.

    Fries are Serious Business. (NSFBG!!!)

    proper packing ensures proper vacation.

  9. Flying Manatee
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    FC: I really like the placement of Grandma’s chair. Jammed into a corner, it’s the only furniture in a big, empty room.

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y127): Beetle Bailey — Driven to despair by his inability to understand modern technology, General Halftrack puts a bullet in his brain.

    Above: My own take on the happenings in BB.

    The bubble-like bits of brain matter depicted lovingly by Walker et al. signify the last fleeting vestiges of Halftrack’s sanity (and life). Mort Walker’s existentialist philosophy continues to be espoused by a new generation of cartoonists!

  11. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Flying Manatee (#9): It’s the furthest Grandma can get from the melonheads other than putting her chair in the house next door.

  12. TheDiva
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    9CL: I miss Tracer Bullet.

    FW: If Les believed even half of what was coming out of his mouth, he would have given Maddie an actual punishment instead of a mulligan. At first I thought he was being a hypocrite, but then I realized Les is probably just too enamored with the sound of his own voice to pay attention to what he’s saying from one day to the next.

    Lio: Amen, brother. Amen.

    MW: This strip has had its fair share of stupid useless-without-a-man women, but Gina is the stupidest and most useless of the lot. It’s an accomplishment of sorts, I guess.

    SM: “I bet he lets us down, just like he does everyone else!” Fixed it for you.

  13. Scott Bot
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    A3G – ‘My future mother-in-law will want to want to help too, Ruby.’
    ‘Well, good luck to her with that. Anyway, here’s what I have planned for you…’

    MW – You know, ten years after junior high, I barely remembered anyone I went to school with, much less obsessed over a lost crush. This woman needs help, now.

    RMMD – I’m pretty sure when Dot Bot is a teenager I’ll be saying the same thing Kelly’s mom is, but personally I think she looked better with the makeup (Oh, and Mom? Kelly’s conning you. Just thought you’d like to know).

  14. Evan
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    “crying won’t help you get those shoelaces tied”? That’s some mom of the year material right there.

  15. caracabe
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    BB: I’m a programmer, not a hardware guy, but hmm… monitor, check… keyboard, check… where’s the damned computer part of the computer?

    Obvious answer: it’s a dumb terminal (much like this point in Halftrack’s life). He’s being punked by a bitter, sadistic sysadmin (is there any other kind?), who will soon rack up his 3rd suicided officer of the year. You know that’s going on his Facebook status.

  16. Comcis Fan
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    FC: Ah, this is the first we’ve seen the unspoken tension between Mommy and Grandma. (That is Bill’s mother, isn’t it.)

    Grandma’s thought bubble: For goodness sake, why won’t that cold-hearted bitch tie my little grandson’s shoe?

    Mommy’s thought bubble: Is that meddling old woman just sitting around waiting for the opportunity to undermine me?

  17. darwiniac
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    So did anybody else recognize the kid’s drawing in slylock fox today? That was really, really disturbing to see in the paper…

  18. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    In the continuing discussion between “troll or stupid”, this is clearly the latter. also, because the internet warriors were already thinking of it, this.

  19. John C Fremont
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Phantom – I thought that Kit and The Nomad had been glancing suspiciously at each other for the last few Sundays, but now Lee Falk tells us that they have no idea of each other’s identity. Quoting Joel Hodgson for the second day in a row, “I sense he’s lying, but why would he lie about the soup?”

    (Strange. It’s usually Mike that I’m quoting on a daily – okay, hourly – basis. What gives?)

    JP – Uh, is that guy in the third panel actually taking a picture of the Road Queen? Maybe he’s a Simpsons fan and has confused it with The Ultimate Behemoth from that first season episode. I wonder if the Road Queen also has its own satellite. Maybe called The Queen Star I, perhaps? And as it goes down the highways, I wonder if it will be followed by a flamboyant gang of post-apocalyptic Australian thugs with a keen sense of fashion and fabulous menace. And no, there’s no such thing as watching too much television.

  20. Boophilus
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @darwiniac (#17):

    Is it Sonic the Hedgehog? Help!

  21. Reynard Noir
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Usually I try to make some kind of further snark on one of the strips featured, but while I was writing about today’s Slylock Fox I noticed something that’s actually really creepy. I recognized the ‘kids submit drawings’ drawing. It’s from THIS GUY, not only a legendary source of internet drama, but very, very much NOT nine years old. The picture’s obviously the same, and the name matches. I don’t have any conclusions to draw about this, I’m just disturbed and I thought everyone should be told because, seriously, what the crap.

  22. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Reynard Noir (#21): Next you’ll be telling us that the people who submit ideas to Pluggers aren’t really Pluggers…

  23. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @caracabe (#15): Seeing your post made me change my mind. That’s not a Rasputin unkillable computer; it’s that cardboard box printed to look a computer that stores put on their display desks. Some rascal has placed a walkie-talkie to taunt the General as he attempts to ritually destroy it.

  24. Bob Weber Jr.
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Reynard Noir (#21):
    Today’s kid drawing was submitted to http://www.kidcartoonists.com (redirected to the
    ohbrothercomics.com art gallery) as are all the kid drawings. I post the art on the site gallery and choose one for the Sunday Page and one for the “How To Draw” daily each week. If today’s drawing is not from a kid, and is a prank, it is a surprise to me.

  25. True Fable
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I think General Halftrack’s solution would work for Grandma Keane too. “Come here, Jeffy; I’ll show you fix your shoe problem once and for all.”

  26. Reynard Noir
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    A prank sounds likely, probably someone took the picture from the top of the tv tropes page. Not sure who they were trying to get the rise out of.

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    random thought for the day, courtesy of LFMF:

    “There is a HUGE difference between saying “I like shorter girls” and saying “I like little girls.” #LFMF”

  28. darwiniac
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Boophilus (#20): It’s kind of related to Sonic the Hedgehog. Reynard Noir’s (#21) link is essentially a SFW catalog of the thing. I highly suggest you do not google the name, but because that just makes people curious and want to google, heres a quick summary:

    The drawing in question is by an insane, obese, homophobic, autistic manchild (and 29 years old, not 9) whose life is basically one perpetual train wreck. For years he’s been the “artist” behind a mishmash of Sonic the Hedgehog, Pokemon, and his own disturbed fantasy world, in which all characters are Mary Sues of himself, imagined “sweethearts” for him, or personifications of people or events that he believes have done him wrong.

    A small portion of the internet is dedicated to trolling him, and another, slightly-overlapping portion to chronicling the trolling and his own foibles. Though at times the trolling seems awful, most of the time he’s hoist with his own petard. Should you be inclined to search further, be very careful. You’re going off the map of civilized internet and into regions where there be dragons. And nude pics.

  29. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Day – Big infodump, perfunctory irrelevant kicker, and drawings that are cheesecake by intention, if not execution. This comment’s not funny? A perfect match!

    Dick – What kind of a world is it where the present creative team on Dick Tracy has to go to a railroad detective for information on previous creative teams? Oh, and… Mr. Keys? When you practice the piano, it’s more convincing for the audience when your hands are on the instrument.

    Dinette – And… the joke today is that they’re a bunch of jerks! (Looks at strip.) I win again.

    love is… – When each and every outside stimulus makes you think about your dead boy.

  30. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Mary – I always used to think that Gina would grow up somewhat attractive. If Dennis Mitchell saw her today, he wouldn’t even recognize her.

    Shoe – “My god, you’re right! Weather and jobs… so much alike (choke). My life is over! I’ll just crawl off and die quietly.” (What do these birds do when they get actual bad or shocking news? Do they just soil themselves and drop to the ground?)

    Speed – This reminds me of the first “In the Bleachers” I ever saw, where the jogger is at the “walk” signal, which is showing “JOG IN PLACE LIKE AN IDIOT.”

  31. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Owen (#y143): Reverse the genders in Six Chix
    That’s exactly what I was thinking about yesterday. A chik hitting on a barrista is presumably cute and sweet. Reverse the sexes and you have the creep pushing his phone number on Gina in Mary Worth.

    @gleeb (#y147): Hygiene’s a town in Colorado!

    @gleeb (#147): Dick: Ah, Tracy’s story. So you won’t see him shooting Jerry in this version.
    Tracy shot first! TRACY SHOT FIRST.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#y148): Lee Falk got buff!
    Death really seems to agree with him.

    @Evan (#14): “crying won’t help you get those shoelaces tied”? That’s some mom of the year material right there.
    Thel’s been gone long enough now that her kids’ memories of her get dimmer and dimmer. Parts of her face have vanished. Her body is becoming a sketchy armature that holds up her breasts, and her image is sometimes confused with other cartoon characters (today: Aunt Fritzi leaning into the room). I think the same thing is happening to her personality, and some incident from years ago is being recounted in a distorted fashion, possibly catering to some ancient grudge. Grudges are the last thing anyone forgets.

  32. Allen
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Thanks Comics Curmudgeon! I’ve already made that my Facebook profile pic.

  33. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Flying Manatee (#9): Mama and Papa Keane refer to the large, empty space currently occupied by Bil’s mother as “God’s Waiting Room”.

    @darwiniac (#28): Perhaps C.W. Chandler was referring to his mental age — and not his chronological age. (Looking through admittedly rose-colored glasses, I see your attack on Mr. Chandler as overkill!)

  34. Chance
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    The passive-aggresive power play behind the scenes in Family Circus is sweet.

    Thel: “If I had wanted his shoes tied for him, Mom, I would have done it myself!”

    Grandma: “The boy was crying, Thel.”

    Thel: “I’m aware he was crying! I was attempting to teach him the simple lesson that crying won’t get him what he wants!”

    Grandma: “Well, that might be the way your new-fangled books say to parent, but—”

    Thel: “Self-reliance, Mom! Self-reliance! Ever heard of it?”

    Grandma: [furious whisper] “I’m sorry, but you and I both know the boy isn’t exactly going to grow up to be a rocket scientist! Look at his head!”

    Thel: “He can still learn basic everyday routines like getting dressed without crying, or at least he could if you didn’t coddle him!”

    Jeffy: [cries again, louder]

  35. Bertrice
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    FC: Grandma is trying to sneak out of the room before Mom notices that Jeffy’s shoelaces are tied together. That’ll teach the little whiner better than Mom’s mild verbal abuse.

  36. odinthor
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    #30. [Old Man] Muffaroo.

    What do these birds do when they get actual bad or shocking news? Do they just soil themselves and drop to the ground?

    A scientific investigation of avian behavior suggests that you’re probably right, at least partially. They also go “Plop.”

  37. mollificent
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    BB: Holy crap, dude. General Halftrack is hard-core. He went all Pulp Fiction on that motherfucker.

    9CL: Well, that’s…uncharacteristically sweet. Not to mention a WELCOME change. I’ll take it.

    NAoQV: LMAO! Total win.

    Stone Soup: I remember a few months ago having a desire to re-read “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Philosopher’s Stone” and being unable to find my copy, so (this being at night, and being the child of instant gratification I am) I looked for a Kindle copy to download…in vain. Come to find out that Rowling refuses to release her books on Kindle, because she wants people to experience them on paper…and also that she still writes ALL HER FIRST DRAFTS LONGHAND. *mind boggles* I’ll bet she can bend steel bars with her writing hand by now. (Apologies if this has been mentioned before.)

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#27): *sigh* story of my early dating history, right there. *shudder*

  38. Scott Bot
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Chance (#34): Ok, that’s COTW material right there!

  39. Uncle Lumpy
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @darwiniac (#28):

    … civilized internet …

    IdoIdoIdo believe in the civilized internet …

  40. NoahSnark
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    I find today’s Beetle Bailey works perfectly well if you replace the computer with the General’s wife and the pistol with his, um, personal sidearm.

  41. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @darwiniac (#28), @Rocky Stoneaxe (#33): It just occurred to me that C.W. Chandler’s middle name is “Weston” and Wilbur Weston is a character in Mary Worth. Wait… am I guilty of defending an “insane, obese, homophobic, autistic manchild” who’s obsessed with flying kites, eating mayo sandwiches on white bread and putting up crude sexual drawings of his teen-age “daughter” on the internet?

  42. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    SM: Geez, are these kids in the Children’s Hospital, or the Children’s Center for Cynicism, Abandonment, and Despair? “First Mommy let me down, and then God, and now Spider-Man!”

    RA: Is Donna A. Lewis under the impression that she gets a prize for being the one-millionth person to make a particular joke? Actually, if the prize is “syndication by the Washington Post,” then I guess she’s right.

    MW: I can only assume that given the look on Mary’s face in the final panel, Joe Giella is as bored with this fucking plot as we are.

  43. Victor Hatherley
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    The Chris-Chan drawing was almost certainly submitted by a troll rather then Cris himself.

  44. Swordsmith
    September 25th, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    CdS: NSFBG. Man, you have to get over this phobia, CdS is consistently the greatest comic currently published, but with a 5% clown content I don’t suppose you even dare follow it.

    I’d suggest you see the Doctor about it, but sadly he finds a fear of clowns “understandable.”

  45. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#44): Today’s CdS makes me laugh out loud every time I look at it. And I’ve gone back to look at it repeatedly. The art is brilliant. (Seriously, doesn’t real talent make you, well, happy?)

  46. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Bob Weber Jr. (#24): Once the picture is online you can use Tineye to see if it’s been posted anywhere else. If you include Tineye as an extension on your browser (I know it works for Chrome), all you have to do is right click on a picture and you can do an Internet search for it.

    For instance, clicking on the image Reynard linked to provides links to tvtropes.com, uncyclopedia.wikia.com, sonichuchandler.tripod.com, and knowyourmeme.com.

    Google also now has an image search which, when I tried it on the same picture, turned up even more links.

    Not sure why anyone would want to post that picture as a kid’s drawing, but there are a lot of clowns out there (as Baka Gaija can attest to) and it doesn’t hurt to have every weapon possible fight them (as Baka Gaija can also attest to).

  47. Chareth Cutestory
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    BB: Which order was General Halftrack going to send out? It was probably in regards to the Dont Ask Dont Tell repeal, so now several Camp Swampy residents still have to live secret lives. Sorry, Private Zero and Lt. Fuzz.

  48. wossname
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Phantom – No snark, but I really wish Lee Falk would turn up on weekday Phantom to splain that to me. I got disconnected from the alleged plot while I was traveling in August and haven’t been able to get reconnected. Something about other guys who dress up in masks and spandex… and the police guy who’s Kit’s friend is also really the good-guy wrassler – is that all there is to it? But why is Kit in Mexico? Where are Diana and Savarna and the kids? Clearly I’m among those who came in late.

  49. commodorejohn
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @caracabe (#15): Is this the Beetle Bailey/Bastard Operator from Hell! crossover nobody’s always dreamed of?

    6Chix – …note to self: never offer to help Stephanie Piro with housework.

    A3G – Ruby’s teeth frighten me.

    BB – I submit that this is a way better PTSD storyline than Funky Winkerbean‘s. It’s also a way better “technology joke” than anything in Compu-Toon.

    BlC – I think this is my all-time favorite Bloom County storyline, personally.

    Buckles – Buckles is usually moderately amusing but otherwise unremarkable, but I love the art today. Very Calvin & Hobbes.

    DT – Frankly I don’t have any idea if I’m supposed to know these people, but I do have to say that I’ve always had a fondness for tobbaco products that hover in front of the smoker’s open mouth. (Speaking of, holy buckets! Present-day Sam is smoking! I didn’t know good guys were still allowed to do that in the funnies.)

    FG – It’s nice to see kaiju getting work in American productions again.

    FW – YOU WASTED A SUNDAY ON THAT “JOKE?”

    JP – “Hey, did we mention this extraordinarily expensive RV that we purchased for below cost was a spur-of-the-moment impulse buy? We’re rich, you know.”

    Liō – *THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE*

    MT – Remember, beneath nature’s extraordinary beauty lurks a world of death and carnage!

    MW – If they’re not out of the diner tomorrow, I swear to God I’m going to fill a hard drive with copies of this storyline and hurl it out the window.

    PV – “Witchy doings” is a pretty great phrase. Also, I really want to know what the deal is with Bug-Eyed Handlebar Moustache Guy.

    RMMD – So the storyline’s going to be about helping a moody gothpunk become a proper WASP. How charming.

    Ripley’s – Female blanket octopuses know how to dress up nice.

    SFx – Oh dear. Oh dear.

    SM – You remember that “Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb” scene from the 1966 Batman movie? That was less corny than this, and it was trying for camp.

  50. Joe Blevins
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

  51. Écureuil Écumant
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#19) on JP: “Uh, is that guy in the third panel actually taking a picture of the Road Queen?”

    He’s actually taking a picture of what he thinks looks like “Road Queer” so he can post it on the internet and be famous forever.

  52. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#44): I have seen doctors, many doctors about the clowns, most recently the Harlequin Recovery Spa in Geneva. All quacks. None, and I repeat none would approve my taking up arms to eradicate the world of this scourge as part of my therapy. Quacks!

    I knew I should have convinced George Bush that clowns hide WMD’s in their comically oversized shoes, red noses, and bizarre hair when I had the chance.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#46): Sadly, yes on both accounts.

    @commodorejohn (#49): Bug-Eyed Handlebar Moustache Guy just saw an evilscaryclown just off-panel. It’s the only explanation. The.Only.Explanation.

  53. Amanda Kate
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus- Mommy Keane, for crying out loud, help your kid tie his damn shoes! He obviously doesn’t know how if he’s crying about it. I remember once when I was a kid, a teacher wouldn’t let me into an assembly until my shoes were tied, and when I told her I didn’t know how, she said “figure it out” and left me alone in the hall. Tears fell that day as well. Finally I just stuffed the laces into my socks. Thanks for bringing back bad childhood memories, Keane.

  54. Red Greenback
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    RM,MD: See? We do so know how to spell “calm” properly. We’ll do it again… “calm”. And we said it on a boat and everything.

  55. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#54): Oh clam down.

  56. Austria
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    FC: “You wanna see me run to Jeffy to tie his shoelaces and back? ….You want to see me do it again?”

    FW: …Isn’t that a desirable solution though?

    SlFx: GHSDLGKHSDLGKJSDLGKJSDF DANGER DANGER ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION

    I got nothing.

  57. Écureuil Écumant
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    BB: Immediately reminded me of a weird Strangelovian pastiche of Gen Jack D. Ripper firing a .50 cal, well, “blindly” through his office windows — and Col. Bat Guano blasting the hell out of the Coke machine. Not a reassuring picture.

    Although brother, can I sympathize.

    He’s facing two bad raps now: Improper disposal of a hazardous-material-containing electronic device, and no lead abatement procedures followed when discharging a firearm indoors.

  58. Bob Weber Jr.
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

  59. Gil Thorp
    September 25th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#55): What the…? I think you meant to tell him to clam off.

  60. Poteet
    September 25th, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Amanda Kate (#53): ARRRRGGH! Okay, I’m traveling back in time, having a quiet word with your teacher, kneeling down to tie your shoes, giving you a tissue and a quick hug, and promising you a private shoe-tying lesson later, with cookies. That’s the only way I can stand to think about stories like yours.

  61. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Gil Thorp (#59): Is “clam off” a cromulent saying? It doesn’t embiggen my confidence to hear that phrase.

  62. Meddlin Mary
    September 25th, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#52): Doctors! What do they know?? Maybe I can help. Please meet me at the diner. (I’m the one without the ponytail)

  63. D. Funked
    September 25th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Halftrack’s flat-screen monitor straight-up transmogrifies into a laptop.

  64. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 25th, 2011 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Bob Weber Jr. (#58): No problem. Plus? It’s really great for acing online quizzes in which you have to determine whether various images are Augustus Caesar or not.

    I mean, that comes up a lot. Right?

  65. Red Greenback
    September 25th, 2011 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#61): The Coach should be oystersized from commenting here.
    *ducks*

  66. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Meddlin Mary (#62): Uh, yeah, about that. Ella Byrd, my spiritual advisor, you may have heard of her, says you smell of musty crypts and stale urine.

  67. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 25th, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Meddlin Mary (#62): Wow, Mary, you’re so desperate for a good meddle that you’re resorting to begging? Next thing you know, you’ll be trollin’ the streets for a hooker with a wealth of problems: “I’ll . . . I’ll pay you $20 to let me advise you. $25 if I can sneak in a platitude. . . .”

    @Red Greenback (#65): I know that this doesn’t follow the line of puns here, but that reminds me of a student essay (doesn’t everything?) in which the student claimed that those women who didn’t submit to “female gentile mutilation” would be “osterized.”

  68. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#67): Oddly enough, the Urban Dictionary defines Osterized as, “Being shunned and put in a blender by society.” If the student knew what he or she was doing, that was actually kind of clever. If not (which is my suspicion), then it was just dumb.

  69. Red Greenback
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#67): I’d follow up with another stupid pun, but I am afraid of waring out my welcome.
    *Please forgive me, I watched a Jimmy Durante movie last night (ahchachacha!)

  70. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Bob Weber Jr. (#58): PS: We give poor Slylock a lot of grief here, but I thought the air conditioner clue was pretty clever. But Granny Squirrel is kind of a slob, isn’t she? That lawnmower can’t be in very good shape if it gets left out in all kinds of weather, and leaving ropes lying around could be considered a hazard to children.

  71. Hank
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @darwiniac (#17): @Reynard Noir (#21): @Bob Weber Jr. (#24): Back when I was in college there was a local TV kids show called “Ranger Bob” on a UHF channel in Rochester. Besides showing reruns of old WB cartoons and the Adam West “Batman”, Ranger Bob would have kids send in drawings and show them on the air. One of the mindless frat boy pranks we used to do when bored was to draw intentionally childlike drawings, sign other brothers’ names to them and send them to Ranger Bob to see which ones got on the air. I have a feeling this is basically the same thing.

  72. Hank
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    RE: Judge Parker. Some poor cop gave Sam and Abbey, who entire town including the local judges, a ticket? Well, this is his last day on the job. I’d feel sorry for him but, given how long a day lasts in this strip, he’ll still be eligible for his pension.

  73. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    As a retired military member; I found this BB strip mid-boggling beyond belief. So I have a few questions.

    #1. Why is there an unsecured and loaded weapon in Gizmo’s desk drawer ?

    #2. How did General Halftrack know it was in one of the three drawers ? (It looks as though he checked the second one down first; finding only drugs and illegal pornography.)

    #3. Why did Gizmo leave his highly advanced system (with AI interface) open for all to access ? A serious breach of military OPSEC.

    #4. Why does the computer twice refer to itself as ‘we’ ? Is it connected to other AI systems ? CHINESE systems ?

  74. wossname
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#73): Aerosquid! Welcome back!

  75. Hank
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#73): Dude, if you’re expecting a realistic depiction of any aspect of military life in Beetle Bailey, you’re setting yourself up for some really, really, big disappointments.

  76. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    FC: I see so much potential fun in Jeffy’s inability to tie his own shoes:

    1. Jeffy is crying because he knows he is on a webcam that his mother set up so all of his schoolmates can subscribe to and laugh at Jeffy from the comfort of their normal homes. JeffyCam.com.

    2. Okay, it’s pretty obvious that Grandma Keane just tied Jeffy’s prescription shoes together in one, big confusing knot and is now taking a seat to wait for the inevitable face plant. JEFFYCAM.COM !

  77. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: It’s funny because…no, wait. It’s touching because…no, wait.

    Sorry. No clue what this is all about. All I know is that the dead woman is asking the live woman to take her home in the last panel. If that means the live woman is going to become a dead woman, that’s fine by me.

  78. Rixter
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#42): Yeah, I’m beginning to worry about Mary’s clear lack of interest in Gina and this low-level meddle she’s got going. With Liza and Jill she was such a go-getter, like a rodeo cowboy roping a calf. With Gina she isn’t trying, just tossing off platitudes, like dropping pebbles in a pond. Maybe this is the point where in any career when you just start to lose interest. Maybe Mary is thinking of retiring. I wish that she’d gone out with the mother of all meddles, instead of this sad little affair. I hope she’s got a good pension lined up. I wonder what the Meddle Workers Union benefits are like these days.

    And, yes, the time warp in Worthworld is still messing with my mind. It’s STILL two damned days until the damned soccer game!

  79. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#75):That is why I have always suspected that ‘Camp’ Swampy is, in reality, a long term military themed fetish camp.

  80. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#73): Welcome back, Aero. The General put his CAC in Gizmo’s computer. On HP’s “Rasputin” line, the CAC reader is on the right side of the keyboard, opposite the side illustrated in today’s strip. The CAC is barely visible when inserted, which is what Mrs. General says most nights. Badabum!

    Editor’s note: Damn, I spent way too much time analyzing this comic.

  81. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    oops….forgot about the reply button thing…LOL

  82. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#80): If I leave my CAC in, I have to pay many penalties !

  83. Uncle Lumpy
    September 25th, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#76):

    JEFFYCAM.COM exists. And no, you don’t want to go there.

  84. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#82): I hope you practice safe CACing.

  85. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#83): Ooooh. Yeah. Don’t anyone go there.

  86. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#78): The strip peaked at Aldomania, with a blip up at the Queenie Con. I’ll bet we don’t even get a pool party or Bum Boat meal out of this storyline.

    On the other hand, this could be the lull before the storm. When Gina Horsebutthead shows up at the pregame press conference, Mr. Black recoils in horror as he sees her. Not that he recognizes her as a long-lost first love, it’s just that hair! Bobby trained as a stylist before his talent for playing with men’s balls became apparent. The mob, which has been tailing Bobby for a decade and a half knowing that eventually Gina FoFina would return to her “twue wuv,” re-enacts that infamous scene from the climax of Scarface. It happened in the Shootout at the SantaRoyMart with Detective Laser Printer, it could happen again.

    Is it just a coincidence that both Scarface and Mary Worth have a Gina? I hope not.

  87. Bob Weber Jr.
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#70):
    I think Slylock gets a pretty fair shake here. But you’re right, Granny Squirrel is lacking in the property maintenance department.

  88. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#85): Is that the penalty for leaving your CAC in? An hour of jeffycam dot com? Hell, even an hour forced to read Jeffy-centric Family Circus‘s is borderline against the Geneva Convention.

    @Bob Weber Jr. (#87): I’ll defend the Squirrel. She’s secretly getting some Reeky Rat lovin’ on the side and is just trying to make him feel comfy in her home. A house that has no wheels, unlike the dump he’s accustomed to living in.

  89. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

  90. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#88): Yes. AND watching a Ukrainian transvestite tying shoes.

  91. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#89): You can add that panel onto most every strip like ‘in bed’ after a cookie fortune.

  92. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#90): Ah ha ha HA!

  93. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#60): I’ve been meaning to ask… are you related to “Indiana’s Weatherman” by any chance?

    http://www.paulpoteet.com/blog/about/

    @Baka Gaijin (#86): Can we cast a 25-year-old Gina Lollobrigida (Beat the Devil) as Gina Baroni/Zamboni/Jimenez?

  94. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#89): So — the Bible-verse-banding lady isn’t in Canada after all? She’s in Hootin’ Holler and her worst fears are now coming true: the people are coming!

  95. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @91 AeroSquid
    Rats! You have discovered my evil plan for World Domination!

  96. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#94):
    Ah well, Canada, Hootin’ Holler – what’s the diff?

  97. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#96): Our tongues are smaller.

  98. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#95): I was tempted to PS a few but you have the creative license! LOL.

  99. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#69): I watched a Jimmy Durante movie last night
    HOLLYWOOD PARTY? I watched that too, though not for Jimmy. I used to like the guy, but finding out that teaming him with Keaton did a lot to destroy Keaton’s career has put a sort of wall between me and enjoying the Schnozzola. Maybe I should read that Gene Fowler biography of him and see if that helps.

    I’m glad I’m not the sort whose dreams get haunted, or that Durante/horse image would be front and center every night.

  100. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#91): Yes: Gina, you think that fleeing from the Mob was bad? Wait until you find out how General Halftrack feels about your dithering. And Mark Trail, the punching had better commence soon, or General Halftrack is going to make those fists dance as they’ve never danced before.

    Coming to a comics page near you: Amos Halftrack, Comics Enforcer.

  101. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#97): Is that a Good Thing, or a Bad Thing?

  102. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): Sarge hanging from a tree branch ? He has a solution !

    Not enough Vermouth ? He has a solution !

    Lois and Miss Buxley threatening to bring charges against him for that camera he hooked up in…..never mind….HE HAS A SOLUTION !

  103. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): What’s worse? Fleeing the Mob, fleeing Amway salespersons, listening to Mary Worth drone lifelessly on about your life, or having so little of a life that you seek out Mary Worth to listen to her drone lifelessly on?

  104. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#97): Our tongues are smaller.

    But the folks in Hootin’ Holler are more broad-minded:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Barneygoogle71940.jpg

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#71): Slightly OT, but back in the day, every major TV market in the US had a show like that. In Miami, FL, it was “Skipper Chuck”. Ohio had a “Diver Dan”. Bozo the Clown is still going in Chicago, but dates from that era. The FCC had a requirement for stations to put on a certain amount of “educational” local children’s programming, and that was the cheapest way to do it. Not that the cartoons were that educational, but as long as the “Skipper”, or “Ranger”, or whomever urged the kids to be good and obey their parents etc., it passed muster. Those afternoon kiddie shows were quite a phenomenon – someone should write a book…

  106. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#102): Dressed in the dark? He has a solution!

    Dennis not menacing enough? He has a solution!

    Rusty? He has a solution!

    He’s a bald, liquored-up, doddering killing machine with a crotchety attitude. He’s Amos Halftrack, Comics Enforcer!

  107. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#106): Pentagon IG team making a surprise visit to investigate rumors of contractor malfeasance ? He has a solution! BANG BANG BANG ! Problem solved….Problem staying solved.

  108. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#103): You implicitly raise a question that should come up for almost any Mary-meddle: Where are Gina’s friends? Where are the young women her own age to whom she should be whining about Bobby? Or has she exhausted their patience until she must turn her desperate, sucking neediness to the only remaining target: Mary Worth? And even Mary’s usually limitless supply of platitudinous “human kindness” is becoming dessicated before our very eyes, as Gina’s parasitic dithering saps the last bit of meddle-trickle—Mary’s purity of essence diminished to a thin stream of half-hearted, heavy-lidded replies.

  109. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): Amos Halftrack, Comics Enforcer! I love it! Like the A-Team. He gets booted out of the Army for a crime he didn’t commit – well, ok, he did commit it – and takes up a new career enforcing his brand of justice across the comics page! (Will Sarge, and Beetle, and Gizmo join him? That would be awesome!)

  110. Some Guy
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Funky: “It isn’t just that buying papers online is cheating. Far more important is that students buying their papers on the net aren’t learning to write well.”

    1) Students who cheat, however they do it, don’t learn the material. That is, and has always been, why cheating at school is a bad thing.

    2) If that’s what’s important, why did you tell a student who’d bought an online paper that if she couldn’t write well she didn’t have to, and could do a song instead?

    3) Did Tom Batuik ever buy papers on the net?

  111. Poteet
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#93): I doubt if we’re related — I have a biological need to lie down when I sleep, whereas it sounds as if he runs and sleeps at the same time:-).

  112. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#109): Gizmo has the firepower AND a subscription to JeffyCam dot com. Beetle and Sarge have been emboldened as of late and are planning a party at the Base Club.

  113. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#99): [Re: Buster Keaton] Louis B. Mayer and M-G-M basically destroyed his career by wresting control of the actor/comedian’s films away from him. Jimmy Durante was an innocent bystander.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#109): Only if a mohawked Zero gets to utter the line:
    I pity the fool!

  114. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#112): Of course, the A(mos)-Team: Sarge would be the muscle, Gizmo the tech guru, Beetle would be the goofy one who is somehow irresistible to the ladies. Perfect. Comic evil-doers beware!

  115. Some Guy
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @caracabe (#15): My sister’s got a computer where it’s all built into the (touchscreen) monitor. If the US Army budget is anything like the British one though, they won’t run to anything like that. Camp Swampy computers are probably still running Windows ’98.

  116. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#114): Beetle would be the goofy one who is somehow irresistible to the ladies Sarge.

    There. Fixed it for you.

  117. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#113): Jimmy Durante steamrolled Keaton’s understated comedy with his constant loud upstaging. I will agree that the real guilt goes to the ones who paired them, but that still doesn’t make me look on Jimmy the way I did before I knew that.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): Bozo the Clown is still going in Chicago
    No. I recorded the last show when we were still living in Virginia, which makes it 2005 or before. (Anybody remember the ‘magic clown’ character who was on the show in its last years? Know who that was? Recognize this voice?: “Hi, I’m Marshal Brodien, professional magician! You know, most magic tricks area easy once You know the secret!”)

  118. Hank
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): Syracuse had “Salty Sam” on Saturday mornings and then, after the lunch, the same actor would dress up as the Igor-like “Epal” and host “Monster Movie Matinee.”

  119. AeroSquid
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#115): Only THREE people have a computer @ Camp Swampy. Buxley and Blips have 486′s that run the short lived Microsoft BOB OS, whereas Gizmo has a prototype Neural Interface system that he obtained from a drunk and wayward time traveler that he killed in an alley behind the ‘Jug Hut’.

  120. Sgt. Stoned
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith: Obviously, Loweezy has been putting gold bands with biblical verses on the local geese…

    MW: Bobby has been her GREATEST DREAM!?! RUN, BOBBY, RUN!!!

  121. Calico
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Too bad Grandma didn’t tie the laces to each other.

  122. demoncat
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    fc. jeffy is already learning how all he has to do is manipulate people to do what he wants. a future ceo in the making. Mary worth. you must find the answers you seek gina then you can move on to be my next project .

  123. greghousesgf
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    what little kid cries when he can’t figure out how to tie his shoes?? Jeffy’s a puss.

  124. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 25th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#118): There’s a horror host in the Norfolk, VA, area, Jerry “Dr. Madblood” Harrell. When we left the state six years ago, his on-again-off-again show was on again, and he was on his way to being an icon. Before we lived there, he had also been the Bozo for Richmond (until 1975).

    The no-budget Madblood show was helped greatly in its early years by the model-making talents of Dave Merriman. Dave was a regular at our local convention there, and a very able modeler. Unless he’s totally lying (which the physical evidence tends to contradict), his work appears in a number of major motion pictures and such, but his name never does because he refuses to join the union. There was a little exhibit of Madblood memorabilia at a museum in Suffolk a few years ago, and I got to look at some of his old props close up. (Mad props!)

  125. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 25th, 2011 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#110): I wonder if Batiuk has actually read any of the papers you can get online, because they’re already badly written. One of the clues that a paper has been obtained online is the particular way in which it’s badly written.

  126. Mibbitmaker
    September 25th, 2011 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#124): don’t forget two of the… okay… kiddie show and horror show hosts. The former, who has quite a surprisingly loyal following is one Krusty the Clown. The laugh alone would give Baka nightmares! Not the same as with Minneapolis TV’s favorite host Chuckles the Clown. Poor sap died in 1975.

    And, in horror: a host who actually doubled as a news anchor! Canadian news host Floyd Robertson dressed up as Count Floyd and failed to get truly scary films.

    And I can’t forget that movie show with the guy trapped in space forced to watch movies that are so bad that…..

    Um…. I guess you guys may possibly already know that one……

  127. Mibbitmaker
    September 25th, 2011 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Help! HELLLLP!!! I gotta escape ol’ Urinal Mouth but fast!”

    MW: And so will WE!

  128. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 25th, 2011 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    DtM: It definitely looks like we’re heading for a revamp of the comic strip to “Mrs. Wilson the Menace.”

    Edge City: Didn’t they already get their food? it wasn’t what they ordered, but they didn’t send it back because they were hungry. Not that I have any sympathy for them. This situation went from somewhat understandable to “What the hell is wrong with you guys?” a week or so ago.

    Prince Valiant: Now see, I don’t think Prince Valiant is looking at the three figures returning from the hills. How could he see them past the zombified Captain Kangaroo with the gaping mouth? Or is it a zombified Aldo Kelrast? Never could tell those two apart.

    FW: Yesterday I said that I’d thought I’d hated Les before, but that this, this is what hatred feels like. Now I have to say I was wrong. This is what hatred feels like.

  129. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#116): @Nehemiah Scudder (#114): Beetle would be the goofy one who is somehow irresistible to the ladies Sarge Miss Buxley.

    There. Fixed it for both of you.

  130. Cyranetta
    September 25th, 2011 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: Gina has bored Mary so completely in that last penal that she’s pouring the coffee to the side of her face instead of drinking it in a desperate attempt to generate interest.

  131. FafMor
    September 25th, 2011 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    BB: Best cartoon (in an unintentional way) in a long time. I’m still chuckling an hour later, especially at the last 3 panels. The only thing that could improve on it is if Dagwood’s surrealistic owl showed up at the end with with a “Hoo?!”

  132. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#30):

    Mary — I always used to think that Gina would grow up somewhat attractive. If Dennis Mitchell saw her today, he wouldn’t even recognize her.

    Gina Gillotti is far more likely to grow up to be a buxom beauty like Gina Lollobrigida than a scrawny (by Judge Parker standards) Gina Jiminy Cricket.

  133. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Cyranetta (#130):

    Poor Gina… her Bell’s Palsy keeps getting in the way of her social interactions.

  134. Red Greenback
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    “FLIPPING YOUR LURE NEAR THE LILY PADS”…?! So that’s what the kids are calling it back in 1946.

  135. Twinkles the Elf
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    Gotta love the Keane family interior decoration. Acres of bare wall-to-wall, dotted here and there with Holiday Inn furniture and stiff with ennui.

  136. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @FafMor (#131): Reminds me: I haven’t seen Gap-Toothed Starey “Hoo!” Guy in a while.

  137. Government Cheese
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    MW: I apologize for commenting on yesterday’s Mary Worthless, but what sort of name is Jiminez? Shouldn’t it be Jimenez? As a Spanish speaker, I am having trouble pronouncing “ji-mi-nez”.

  138. Liam
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    MW-Gina, your “boyfriend” is a soccer player for a minor league soccer team. He is not a celebrity or anywhere near to becoming a celebrity. Soccer in the United States is one of the least followed sports.

    JP-It’s a good thing he didn’t read the article about the Thailand’s sex industry or they would be heading over there now to get a sex slave.

  139. Liam
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    MW-Gina’s starting to sound like a stalker but as long as she doesn’t bother Mary or anyone Mary knows that is okay.

    BB-It’s funny because old people can’t adapt to new technology.

  140. seismic-2
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Can that Barreto guy draw, or what? Who would have thought that Lee Falk could be the studliest-looking man among men in all the funnies? Eat your hearts out, Tarzan and Flash Gordon – the Falkster is in town!

    Today’s BB should have ended sooner, immediately after the “I have a solution!” panel. Then it would bring to mind one of Taxi’s better gags [very heavily paraphrased]:
    Dispatcher Louie: “I know the cab company is in really big financial trouble and we’re at risk of going out of business, but the boss will think of something!”
    [sound of a gunshot comes from the boss's office]
    Jim Ignatowski: “I wonder how long it took him to come up with that???”

  141. Fata Morgana
    September 25th, 2011 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @caracabe (#15): Well it could be an iMac.

  142. Psychid
    September 25th, 2011 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    General Halftrack may seem like an alcoholic, but he sure knows how to turn a desktop computer into a laptop by trying to smash it to pieces!

  143. Écureuil Écumant
    September 25th, 2011 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#91): Ho-Lee Shit! Welcome back.

  144. Pseudo3D
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: This is probably some ancient reference to a bygone era, but I’m drawing a blank.

    Bloom County Reruns: If this is going in chronological order, then within a few months we’ll meet “Stormee” again.

    DT: So, this is set in the 1930s, then?

    FW: This would’ve made more sense if he hadn’t given Maddie an easier assignment last Saturday. However, given that Sunday strips are done much sooner in advance than dailies, I wonder if Batiuk changed his mind in the last minute, resulting in this disaster?

    MW:

    Outcome it’s supposed to be: Bobby has forgotten her, gotten married to someone else, etc. Gina jumps off Aldo’s Ravine as she feels she has nothing left.
    Outcome likely: Through a series of extremely implausible plot turns, Bobby and Gina will get together again. Dozens of Comics Curmudgeon jump off Aldo’s Ravine because of this.

  145. agony
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105):

    Popcorn Playhouse out here in Edmonton. And, in that vein, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBj1oQYgjis

  146. Baka Gaijin
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#108): Gina’s friends? She obviously has none. What “friend” would let another friend go out in public with a hairstyle that makes anyone who sees her think of Mr. Ed’s backside?

    @Pseudo3D (#144): I’ve Googled up directions to Kelrast Kurve and have a rental car waiting at LAX with special instructions for the Avis crew to put a bottle of Jack on the front seat. Plenty of room for everyone!

  147. Peanut Gallery
    September 25th, 2011 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#52):

    I knew I should have convinced George Bush that clowns hide WMD’s in their comically oversized shoes, red noses, and bizarre hair when I had the chance.

    Now I’m picturing some poor guy getting waterboarded with a bottle of seltzer.

  148. Pseudo3D
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#146), Pseudo3D (#144): dang it, it should be “dozens of Comics Curmudgeon readers“.


    DEATH to Jeffy!!

  149. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    MW — The copy of Ventriloquism for Dummies that she purchased from SantaRoyMart taught Mary how to throw her voice and drink a hot beverage at the same time. Every vent has to have a silent partner — and Mary has one by the name of “Gina Jiminy Cricket”.

  150. Terrapin
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    BB: I’m far too polite to say why I think General Halftrack passed out after gleefully blasting his computer to bits. Let’s just say that when he wakes up he’ll be craving a cigarette.

  151. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 25th, 2011 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#144): DT: So, this is set in the 1930s, then?

    Judging by the police car in last Friday’s strip, I’d say late 1940s.

    (Interestingly enough, my father was a uniformed cop in Tom Batiuk’s hometown during the same period!)

  152. bats :[
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  153. bats :[
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @Amanda Kate (#53): My nursery school and kindergarten teachers would tie my shoes for me, but I don’t know what possessed me (although I remember doing it) to learn to tie my own shoes before I entered first grade. Maybe there were dangerous rumors that first grade teachers wouldn’t do that for you (I can attest that even if that weren’t the case, MY first grade teacher would’ve bucked the trend — the first adult I ever remember disliking. Really disliking.).

  154. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    BB: Strips like today’s really make you glad that Amos is stuck at a pissant little military base the Pentagon is barely aware of. If he were anywhere near the corridors of power one of his benders would have gotten us all killed.

    FC: I just got this horrifying image of Jeffy—yeah, I know, I could stop there—as an adult working in an office. His boss tells him to run twenty copies of the contract, so he stands by the photocopier bawling his eyes out until someone else does it.

    MW: Mary just isn’t feeling the meddle on this one. Look at her dead eyes as she swigs down her cold, cold coffee. She hasn’t been this bored since the last time Jeff was on top of her.

    PV: The fop says, “If he hasn’t surfaced by now, he is never coming up.” In his defense, a Medieval English gentleman would not have had occasion to see a Friday the 13th movie.

    FW: “The Hard Bard”, a very poetic adult entertainment featuring Chris Steele.

  155. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#152): Beautiful! Jeffy might not learn to tie his shoes that way, but it would sure teach him something.

  156. bats :[
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#89): Bobby Black won’t return Gina’s teenage affections? Crankshaft keeps running over his neighbor’s mailbox? Marvin refuses to be potty-trained?
    I think that panel may be a keeper…

  157. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 25th, 2011 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#86):

    Is it just a coincidence that both Scarface and Mary Worth have a Gina? I hope not.

    If there was a scene that revealed that Al Pacino had a ‘gina, it was mercifully cut from the edition I saw.

    Mary Worth probably does have a ‘gina, but neither I nor she want to think much about it.

  158. Baka Gaijin
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    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#157): Your last point is something I definitely agree with.

  159. Hank
    September 26th, 2011 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#52): spare us the politics please.

  160. Droopy Says
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    The Amusing Spiderman: Don’t despair, little boy! Spiderman cares and you’ll see him! Of course by that time they’ll have transferred you to the geriatrics ward, and senile decay will have made you forget who he was, but he will show up!

    Creepy Les: Les as the Human Weather Channel? I didn’t know you needed to forecast gloom and insipid puns.

    Mock Trail: Huh? Trail and Pepe le Pew were talking about two animals rolling in the dirt while they copulated, so why does Trail tell McQueen they were just talking about him? Should I refer to urbandictionary.com for the current LoFo sexual innuendoes?

    Phantom: I look forward to the lightning-like plot twists we’ll see here. In October, Kit will figure out that El Guerero Latino is his friend the Chief. Come mid-November, Kit will discover that the fight seems real because the masked bad guy is also a real-life villain. Some time in December, Kit will get drawn into their conflict. I look forward to the grand February climax when all three of them gather at a bar and discuss the hardships of being a legendary masked superhero.

    Crock: In which sentry number two warns us that, yes, there are ways to make Crock even worse.

    Dennis the Nuisance: Margaret, don’t annoy Dennis with talk of literacy. Let him sit there and watch Twilight while you read Dracula. It can be your little surprise after the sun sets.

  161. Tom
    September 26th, 2011 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    A3G: LOVE IT!
    Paul: “Do you like the house I bought?”
    Luann: “This is the house next to your parents. Stop joking, Paul, and tell me what’s really going on.”
    Luann’s eyes: (bloody murder, bloody murder, bloody murder…)

  162. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 26th, 2011 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    AG3: I’m not sure, but I think Paul might just be a little controlling and overly-tied to his family. If so, it would make a completely surprising plot twist. I mean, I sure never saw it coming, did anyone else? It would be as unexpected as finding out that Gina in Mary Worth was, like, some kind of stalker or something.

  163. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 26th, 2011 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    @Hank (#159): I’m going to come to B.G.’s defence here. I get the objection to Tom’s comment a couple of days ago, but in that case the political element was totally off topic. In this case the joke is entirely based on WMDs and clown shoes. You’ve got to allow for the mention of politics, just not an obsession with it.

  164. Poteet
    September 26th, 2011 at 1:24 am [Reply]

  165. Poteet
    September 26th, 2011 at 1:36 am [Reply]

  166. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 26th, 2011 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    What comic is “CdS”? Guess I don’t know all the abbreviations here.

  167. Mr. O'Malley
    September 26th, 2011 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Wait, didn’t he buy a house about 2 weeks ago strip time? Does he think that when you get married you have to buy another house?

    This is so weird even Lu Ann is getting suspicious.

    And I say this as a person who lived in two houses after he got married.

    BC has been doing well the last few days.

    Crankshaft: … which has been knocked down and replaced by a big-box mall, but I have a feeling someone is stocking up on sepia ink.

    RMMD: Rex looks really dumb in a backwards baseball cap. He’s also acting really dumb roaring around creating a huge wake where people are trying to fish.

    xkcd: This strip changed 1 hr and 14 min ago, and it’s already in the Wikipedia entry.

    ZtP: I like this one. I wish he’d do more like it.

  168. John C Fremont
    September 26th, 2011 at 6:08 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#166): Two houses, eh? How many sheds did you have?

  169. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 26th, 2011 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#166): So you lived in one house — and your bride lived in the other. Interesting domestic arrangement!

  170. Droopy Says
    September 26th, 2011 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    Shoe: I love the casual attitude of the other birds toward a request for egg substitutes. Who would have thought that the Treetop predators would tolerate birds who eschew cannibalism?

    Judge Parker: Bubu has a passport? If you have to do paperwork to get out of Jellostone National Park, are you really smarter than the average bear?

  171. MiHi
    September 26th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Bob Weber Jr. (#24):

    “Cassandra Cat tries to troll a comic strip with a drawing made by what she claims was a nine year old boy, but Shylock Fox isn’t convinced. Why is Shylock skeptical?”

  172. Readem and Laf
    September 26th, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey — General Halftrack has a water pistol and he’s not afraid to use it!

  173. Axel Doi
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    @Bob Weber Jr. (#24):

    Mr. Bob Weber Jr.

    You sir took part of one of the most epic trolling I ever seen and not even knowing it. unfortunately this been drawn be a 29 year-old loser who have a mind of a nine-year old. I’ve seen his “Web-Comics” and I can assure you this is not meant for children or anybody in that case, but at least you got me interested and reading the Sunday funny pages again. LOL! :)

  174. Amanda Kate
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    Thanks Poteet, that’s so sweet! :-)

  175. Russ H
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    BB: For a strip that is set against the bacdrop of the military, Beetle Bailey’s artist sure seems to have no concept of how a gun should look.

    FC: Jeffy has learned the method by which he will survive his marraige later in life. To simply cry whenever he wants anything. It will be his only way of surviving what would otherwise cast him as the victim of battered spouse syndrome.

  176. Mudkiplawl
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    I love how the first thing people use against CWC is his “homophobia”. Trust me, he has far bigger issues than that.

  177. Carly
    September 28th, 2011 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    It kind of looks like Grandma tied Jeffy’s shoelaces together. It’s what we all would have done.

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