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Tommie lets everyone down

Apartment 3-G, 6/6/07

“And now … CHOKE … SOB … she needs me more than ever and I’m too self-absorbed!

Tommie’s level of self-absorption is actually fairly impressive, considering how boring she is. I mean, Margo is pretty into herself, but we’re all into her too, so it sort of makes sense.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/6/07

The sad thing is that this game of misery one-upmanship is what passes for flirting in Funky Winkerbean. At least nobody’s thrown up on anybody yet.

Mark Trail, 6/6/07

The sad thing is that this dialog — which, I’m pretty sure, is what you’d get if you gave a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters and tried to have them reproduce the horse-racing scene from The Big Sleep — is what passes for flirting in Mark Trail. At least he isn’t starting things off with a game of “Got your nose!”

246 responses to “Tommie lets everyone down”

  1. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    Crap! I killed the thread! So, I’m re-snarking.

    You’re entering another dimension. A dimension of boxcars… a dimension of sweaterpuppies… a dimension of foobs. A dimension where cats eat lasagna and maybe, just maybe, aliens play baseball. The signpost up ahead: You’re entering the Snark Zone.

    A3G: Is there no emotional stability screening to become a nurse? Later: Tommie discovers a box of Taco Bell leftovers she forgot in the staff lounge refrigerator a week ago, and has a nervous breakdown.

    BB: So Halftrack’s into shibari?

    Crock: My eyes have been opened. Crock is not a comic strip. Crock is a masterpiece of Dada, meant to challenge our preconceptions of humor, of art, of reality itself. Max Ernst and Marcel Duchamp have nothing on Bill Rechin and Don Wilder. What conclusion are we to draw from two anonymous saboteurs who apparently dragged a hammer the size of a Beluga whale across the trackless desert for days before realizing it was too large for the task? None. The hammer is not a symbol; the hammer simply is. As am I; as is Marmaduke; as are the Keanes; as are we all. The only sense we can trust is nonsense. I am the hammer, the hammer is God, and God is a picture of sound drawn on a moving river. Naked clockwork Slylocks will crush gouda in the abbatoir until the boxcars come home, Mr. McMargo.

    DT: Wow, the initials “CIA” can stand for different things! Let me try some: Chinnuts Is Aphasic! Curtis Is Apathetic! Cancer Is Amusing! Ha ha! What fun!

    FBOFW: I can find nothing funny to say about Liz’s admission that she will marry anyone her mother wants her to. All I can say is September can’t come soon enough.

    JP: Judge Parker strips resemble fortune cookies in that they can always be improved by adding the words “…in bed” to the last line of dialogue.

    MF: Why is Mallard always depicted as reading something? What is it, the script? Is the duck really that frightened of straying from the approved list of GOP talking points, or has his short-term memory simply been destroyed by too many years of rotgut gin?

    MT: Every line in this strip sounds dirty to me. Is that wrong?

    TDIET: Wheat Crumbs and Barf Bits? Where can I purchase these delicious-sounding victuals? They don’t carry them at my local Wart-Mart.

  2. Trilobite
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Gah! Sam Hill apparently tried to cut her own bangs, with disastrous results! She should’ve tied that scarf over her head instead of around her neck.

  3. Uncle Lumpy
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    . . . this game of misery one-upmanship is what passes for flirting in Funky Winkerbean.

    That’s why people get cancer: it makes them popular.

  4. Trilobite
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    Wednesday is an unusually quotable day on the comics page:

    Gil Thorp: I have no joke here, I just like saying “I’m so messed up back there I can’t catch ANYTHING.” How much you want to bet that Clambake’s got a home remedy for that?

    Dick Tracy: “Let’s move, Alexi! Swing those hips! Get our groove on! DANCE WITH ME!” I’m awarding Dick Tracy ten points for trying to bring back the ’70s villain uniform (sportcoat + turtleneck), but deducting fifty for how unbelievably scary the German lady’s face is. It’s like some kind of visual puzzle: I just spent five minutes trying to get my brain to recognize that apple-core shaped part as her mouth.

    A3G: “And now…*CHOKE*” is the most elegant summary of how Tommie handles any situation more stressful than opening a package of rice cakes that we’ll ever see.

    The Phantom: “Good work, idiot! You’re a regular criminal GENIUS!” Sadly, these guys are actually doing okay, compared to the kind of hapless schlubs the Ghost-Who-Bores-Everyone usually punches out.

  5. t.a.m.s.y.
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    You know how sometimes you’re stressed out about doing something, and you end up wasting more time stressing than it would take you to actually do the thing? The next time you find yourself in that situation, please consider the current goings-on of Mary Worth. It took Mary and the gang approximately 45,000 excruciating panels to browbeat Vera’s crippling familial problems out of her. This is how long it took to resolve those problems:

    VERA: Listen, Von… I don’t hate you anymore!
    VON: That’s a relief!


  6. BigTed
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    – “How would you like getting an atomic wedgie?”

    – “Okay, big boy, but you’ll have to buy me dinner first.”

  7. t.a.m.s.y.
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail makes more sense when you understand that the most effective way to prevent bird strikes is to interject the word “flying” into all statements. After you say it enough times, Candyman appears and kills them all.

  8. willethompson
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    I’ve grown accustomed to Jackelrod’s abandonment of perspective and have written him off as the Anti-DaVinci. But the people:plane size ratio really bothers me. Either that plane is a Sprinter van with wings, or Mark and Cherry are the size of an average eight year old.

  9. willethompson
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    Uh, Josh, I normally view the ads on the left of the page as eye candy – the sweaterpuppy quotient for the T-shirt companies really fights the notion of a ‘flat’ monitor. But the one that just popped up claimed to produce orgasms at a rate that rivals automatic weapons fire. While I do have a bumper sticker that says “I’M PRO-ORGASM AND I VOTE,” I wonder whether ‘Mudges who lurk from work might get in trouble for having that on thier screens? I’m just sayin….

  10. Mumblix Grumph
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:41 am [Reply]

    If these two kooky kids can find love…then maybe there’s hope for all of us…or maybe I just need more bourbon.
    I’m going to go with the bourbon.

  11. Timbo
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:51 am [Reply]

    What do you think is going to happen when Sam unzips Mark to get to the “control”? And will they really take turns?

  12. GG
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:55 am [Reply]

    My God, the only thing stiffer than the characters in Mark Trail is the dialogue-it’s like watching two mannequins attempt innuendo written by a five year old. I’d make a joke about the stiffness and Mark’s penis, but let’s face it: neither of those…things in this strip seem to have genitalia.

  13. Trilobite
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:12 am [Reply]

    The more I look at that Funky Winkerbean strip, the more I realize how messed-up those characters look. With those bags under his eyes, the perpetual weary squint, the unfortunate lack of a chin, and the nose/ear combo that would make Karl Malden shake his head in pity, the mopey nerd-boy basically looks like an insomniac sloth with clinical depression. Raging goth-geek Chien doesn’t fare much better, with her pinched face and a mouth so tiny that she probably has to eat through a thin straw like a mosquito.

    It’s as though the art is trying to tell us what the writing already has: Batiuk despises his creations. The unflattering art is simply the stylistic uppercut that immediately follows the gut-punch of the storyline. Make no mistake, he loathes these characters and wishes nothing but ill upon them.

  14. lynngineering
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    Josh, you’re computer-savvy, can’t you figure out a way to get the texts from the ads and the text from the comic strip balloons to merge in some willfully nihilistic way?

    I think Mark Trail would be greatly enhanced with the dialog from your latest sidebar ad:
    “One woman had 72 orgasms in one hour. My male client record is 16 in a row.”
    I can even manage it in an x-rated Foob. Anyway, it drew my attention away from the lastest posts. I have to try again later on.

  15. willethompson
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:17 am [Reply]

    FOOB: If I had a nickle for every monitor that will be covered with coffee, spit, bile or venom this morning by people reading today’s final panel, I’d have me one boxcar!load of nickles.

    JP: Need to meet Cedric’s wife, eh? Y’know, if we keep beating this horse, I’m sure we can pummel some life into it! THWACK! C’mon, Dobbin! THWACK! Let’s get a few more days out of this before we dive into Napa Valley skullduggery!

    RMMD: The only way you can remove a board CEO who owns majority voting interest is by a bloody coup d’tet. Fortunately, recent changes in SEC rules not only permit this, but encourage it. If Hugh has his way, the Avery International 2006 annual report will feature a photo of Heather’s head on a pike, with crows sucking at her sweet, sweet eye juices.

  16. flodnak
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:18 am [Reply]

    Maybe now that Mary Worth has solved all of Vera’s first world problems, she can spend the next three months telling the mom in this morning’s TDIET that the correct answer is “So next time, tell me when I ask; this week, you’ll have to eat what I bought.” In fact, this could be a fruitfull crossover, since at least two TDIET panels a week only work if The Urgee prefers being a passive-aggressive pain in the nuts over, y’know, actually talking.

  17. gleeb
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    I know why the teens in Funky-Winkerbean-Land bully our little Miss Stormcloud. It’s because she calls herself “dog”, but in French. So, self-loathing, but combined with an ostentatious use of romance language.

  18. lynngineering
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    A3G – While I understand how “choke” and “gulp” came into the word=picture usage (it is what it is, the word and the act) I never understood how “sob” became equated with tears or crying. Unless she means, S.O.B. which would make sense then.

    FBOFW: The Foobian maternal bloodlines run deep and constant. Sure Liz only does it for Mom. Sure. Also she hasn’t slept with anyone, had sex, and is a virgin because of Mom. Sure. No thought to DAD, the other side of the equation, the one daughters usually take into account on such moments (My father wouldn’t like that is more common than my mother wouldn’t like that – please…) Dad, who has been recently sitting on her bedside at least three different occasions with only one conversational topic: Marry Anthony already!

  19. goaty
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:28 am [Reply]

    #15 — I’ll hand over my nickle now.
    Oh, don’t you wish you were the lucky schlob who gets to wed her to make her mom happy…… ffs. I didn’t think I could get more disgusted with foobville but clearly I was wrong.

  20. JonnyVanPelt
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    “Too busy” Tommie??? TOO BUSY?? Too busy doing WHAT?? Living her fabulous jet-set lifestyle and partying with Lindsay Lohan and being Colin Farrell’s latest conquest??? Puh-leaze.

  21. Tracer Bullet
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:06 am [Reply]

    After Spider-Brick’s first post anything I say will seem palid and wan in comparison so I shan’t bother, except to say, Barf Bits?

    Barf Bits!

    Barf Bits?!

    I just . . . who . . . how the . . . When does the hurting stop?

  22. dreadedcandiru2
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say Ed didn’t think he’d have to pay anything out in the first place — especially since he ADMITTED as such! Remember his shocked reaction when he was told they could read?

    9CL: How long is Edda gonna bore people with the details of her hallucination and her inane reactions thereto?

    Curtis: I wouldn’t cheer because your teacher is being forced out if I were you, kiddo. You may not realize it but the new person behind the desk could be LESS tolerant of sass, hooliganism and slacking than your current nemesis.

    DtM: Menace Index: 0.9. For a second there, I could swear the Mitchell boy’s head was becoming watermelon shaped. That, or somebody switched captions with the Family Circus again.

  23. smacky
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    DT: Aw, that is just SO damn cute! Either the new Dick Tracy villian is quick on his feet, or he’s waited his entire life for someone to ask “Are you CIA?” Cunning International Agents. Ha! Oh, you former Soviet KGB freelancers slay me.

    Later he’ll ask the old man if he’d like a Hertz Donut, then punch him in the arm and joyfully yell “Hurts, don’t it? HAHAHAHAHA” Good times…

  24. Pozzo
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    Someone needs to tell the doctor that “white as a sheet” describes Tommie on her best day.

  25. goaty
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    A3G — What I like is how Tommie minimalizes her guilt to her doctor pal. Luann is her “friend” she hasn’t seen in weeks. Heck most people have tons of friends they haven’t seen in weeks. Now if she had said my “room mate” as in person I should probably see at least twice a day at a minimum… or at least enough to collect her bill money….. oh never mind. I just can’t even get motivated enough to rant at this stupid git who can’t bother to wear scrubs or act professional.

  26. MDtoMN
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    So, I usually just lurk here. I love the comics, but I stopped reading them years ago when I stopped getting a paper (except for Doonesbury . . . how i love Doonesbury).

    This website got my interested, and I’ve been following them. But I had never read Funky Winkerbean. I just went and read the last 2-3 weeks archived on the Seattle Paper. I don’t think I could be more immensely and horribly depressed. I don’t understand – the above comic is the only one of them that didn’t make me want to shoot myself. And it certainly didn’t make me laugh. I just want my soul back, or at least for this deep cold feeling in my chest to go away. No matter how much scalding hot coffee I drink, nothing seems to make the cold go away.

    Oh yeah, and last week’s strips on AP Science . . . it’s been awhile, but I thought students took APs in real science classes, like Physics or Biology, etc. Not just “Science”.

  27. Christopher
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    WRT Funky Winkerbean:

    The “atomic wedgie” is a special and well-known variant of the traditional wedgie, in which the victim’s underwear band is pulled up from behind and actually hooked over the top of the victim’s head.

    Sad Sack here has a relatively long torso as well as very poor posture, which would conspire to make successfully achieving an atomic wedgie on him a difficult, if not impossible feat.

    So, while I dislike their methods, I have to salute the bullies of Winkerville High for their tenacity of spirit.

    On the other hand, perhaps he developed his poor posture as a defense against atomic wedgies. This could backfire, as it makes him much more vulnerable to the devastating and rarely attempted atomic melvin.

    13: Trilobite: to me they both look like Ringo Starr

  28. Blake
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    1: Am I the only one who had to look up shibari?

  29. smacky
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    9CL: Edda’s attempt to wallow in irrational self-pity is derailed by someone with even more “personal crisis.” Sort of like when April complained she was living like a refugee and the token Canadian Minority Student made his one and only appearance to mock “You don’t know what being a refugee is, honey!”

    “You probably don’t understand a personal crisis.” It’s because the writer makes Edda talk like this that the rest of the world thinks artists are self-absorbed asshats. Even looking beyond the fact that that sentence reads like it was dopped into the Babelfish translator program and translated into 15 different languages before ending with English, who in the world is so absorbed to think there is any person alive who has no problems?

    And Edda, again, the fact that you feel like no one accepts that dancing is a “real-life, adult job” is not a “personal crisis.” At best it’s a minor annoyance, like people who still write checks at the grocery store, or change lanes without signaling. I dare you to go to Funky Winkerbean land and complain about this. You’ll be shamed out of town in five minutes. The happiest person there probably just got crabs from a toilet seat at the pizza parlor, after her car was towed and the tow truck ran over her dog. And the tow truck was driven by her bitter ex-husband, who has cancer and three months to live.

  30. Sean
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    “Operations, I’d like to ammend my flight plan. Make the altitude 5280 ft. please”.

  31. smacky
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Now the captain is gowing to slap the old man with his enormous forearm and eat another sammich.

  32. willethompson
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    #14 Lynngineering: What a great idea! In fact, everyone is talking about the new 72 orgasm/hr ad!

    #28 Blake: Umm. Yes.

  33. Christopher
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail, the fourth panel:

    Cherry: Let me start the plane, so that we may indulge in our previously established love of flying!

    Mark: Yes, by activating the plane we may begin flying, an activity we both enjoy!

    Today’s strip has dialog that’s too wooden even for Mark Trail, which I would’ve previously thought impossible.

    That said, it’ll be really awesome if a bird smashes into their windscreen.

  34. Laura Jane
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    I’m guessing the artist of “Pluggers” hasn’t bought a lawn mower in a while- a $250.00 mower that you can ride on would probably be in such poor shape it would have to be pulled by a mule. We replaced our riding lawn mower two years ago with a decent push mower (not top of the line by any means) and it was $350.00. We couldn’t even get the old feller repaired for less than $500.

    Also– that ain’t no $2000 shed– not with shingled roof, window, window box, shutters, and siding.

    Maybe the whole set up is just a plugger’s dream; replacing in his own mind the crappy little pre-fab plastic shed from Sears and an old rusted-out lawn chair bought when he was a starry-eyed non-Plugger dreaming big dreams.

  35. Laura Jane
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    Oh! Forgot to add that “I like barf-bits” is my catch phrase for today.

    Spousal Unit: Who are you going to vote for?
    L.J.: I like barf-bits.

  36. True Fable
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    JP Thank her, my butt! Abbey, we all know you mean, “I want to check out Cedric’s wife so I can size up the competition in the McSweaterpuppies Gran Prix.”

    RMMD “Remove her fast, with Nanny-Away!”

    MT So when does Sam break into a Barry White song, “Oh darlin’ I…can’t get enough of Mark Trail, babe”? Especially since she’s willing to let him share in control of the action with his License to Thrill. Or in Mark’s case, Permission Slip to Remain Clueless.

    MW Now how’s she going to selflessly explain how she doesn’t have his letter any more? ‘Cause he’ll ask. You know he will. Moy will do anything to keep whipping this dead beast of burden.

    9CL I would so much rather see The Adventures of Seth and Mark than Edda Obsesses Over A Thorax Moment.

    A3G Speaking of burdens… Tommie is still droning on, adding a little tearistics to the mix. Work it, Tommie; this is your moment before the long-awaited Margo Bobbleympics begins.

    FBoFW So Lynn is really diving headlong into her fantasy that her children will do any damn thing she tells them to do. Hmm. I feel a rant coming on, but I’ll need time to do it justice.

  37. Applemask
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Here is a plane. I use it for flying!”
    Some brunette chick: “A plane is good for flying!”
    MT: “Nothing is better for flying than a plane!”
    SBC: “Except maybe a helicopter, those are good for flying too!”

    MT: “Get the f*** out of my plane.”

  38. Xboy
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    The horse-racing scene from The Big Sleep — huh?

  39. The Avocado Avenger
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: That shed is way more expensive than $2,000. My husband routinely torments me by taking me to Home Depot, where I freak out about how expensive those stupid barn-shed things for your back yard are. The little tiny sheds are $2,500, minimum. Some of the larger sheds are over $5,000. Something with flower boxes and lovely shutters? Hell, in this town, that’s a freakin’ two-bedroom home.

  40. Burning Prairie
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    After, O God, how long was it, shouldn’t Luann have bled to death on the floor by now? She may have brain damage from a long-untended head injury, but no one would notice.

  41. andreavis
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    #21 Tracer Bullet: What you’re experiencing is the classic symptoms of the TDIET “Urge”. Take two squid and go lie down for a while, and you’ll feel better after a while.

  42. Evan
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Tommie has only one friend. Notice how she uses a comma when she says, “My friend, Lu Ann Powers.” The comma indicates apposition — Lu Ann and Tommie’s friend are identical.

    If Tommie had more than one friend, she would not have used the comma. But we all know that no one is Tommie’s friend, so comma or not, she’s lying.

  43. man behind the curtain
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    MW — And to both Von and Vera, you can now go “Margo” yourselves.

  44. Christopher
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    Man, I keep thinking of more stuff to say right after I hit the post button. Sorry.

    9 Chickweed Lane:

    Story… so… boring… losing… will to live…

    God, I’d rather read a month of strips about Tommie’s love life. I’d even rather read those strips with Dick Cheney pretending to be Ambrose Bierce.

    But it’s still not quite as irritating as Mallard Fillmore.

    Archie: Betty has really broad shoulders.

    I thought about using that as the basis for a joke, but that didn’t seem like the Archie spirit.

    B.C.: Hey! It’s funny today!


    Okay, the joke is not funny, and, really, doesn’t even make sense. I mean, it might work if something about Astrology suggested bureaucracy or filing, but as it is it’s pretty much a non sequitor.

    That said, Dagwood’s reaction is almost enough to salvage the strip. Clearly this was no ordinary “If you still aren’t doing what you love for money, the risk to your well-being is becoming much too important to ignore.” but some unspeakable lovecraftian horror.

    Family Circus: Today’s strip has a sort of sinister edge, as we see that even children as young as *mumblemumble* are so indoctrinated they can only view their world through the lens of television.

    Also when their dad reads picture books to his kids he holds them up high so the kids can’t see, just to be an ass.
    Garfield: Jesus, Jon is a dick today. I can’t imagine what prompted this abusive tirade, but I figure it’s not about Garfield, but rather an expression of some internalised guilt on Jon’s part.

    Garfield takes it with aplomb.

    Non Sequitor: Modern history began when Stan Lee decided to have Thor fight a planet with a mustache.

  45. dreadedcandiru2
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Luann : Hey, Bernice! Look up, waaaaaaaaay up — and you’ll see the anvil Ben is about to drop on your head. Honestly, I swear he musta taken put-it-in-perspective lessons from the Magic Minorty Guy on FBoFW.

  46. Little A.
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Surely Liz, with her slutty-pretty face and hot-soup-slurper lips, can get a date? Even neurotic young women can get dates if they are real pretty — does Lynn want us to believe that young men are interested in young women for what is between their ears and not between their shoulder blades and their necks and their kneecaps? Sorry about the lousy
    grammar. Sorry of this sounds sexist but sexism is a fact of life. Maybe even in Canada, too. ALSO, (AND THIS MAY HAVE BEEN POINTED OUT ALREADY), WHY DIDN”T MISTER MOUSTACHE CALL LYNN UP AND ASK HER TO THE WEDDING

  47. Sheilagh
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    What the –? Is Get Fuzzy in reruns? I swear I’ve seen this sequence before (Satchel who wrote titles and now has to think of plots). Is the Post-Gazette trying to hide something new and too edgy from us???

  48. Little A.
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Surely Liz, with her retty face and hot-soup-slurper lips, can get a date? Even neurotic young women can get dates if they are real pretty — does Lynn want us to believe that young men are interested in young women for what is between their ears and not between their shoulder blades and their necks and their kneecaps? Sorry about the lousy
    grammar. Sorry of this sounds sexist but sexism is a fact of life. Maybe even in Canada, too. ALSO, (AND THIS MAY HAVE BEEN POINTED OUT ALREADY), WHY DIDN’T MISTER MOUSTACHE CALL LIZ UP AND ASK HER TO THE WEDDING IF HE LOVES HER SO MUCH? He’s really a schmuck.

  49. jules
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    “Like you, I enjoy flying!”

    That’s a total Charterstone quote. I’m feeling shades of “As you’ve heard, I give advice!” in that statement. Are Moy & Giella filling in for Jackelrod this week?

  50. Sheilagh
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    How about that shout-out to BC in today’s Non Sequitur?

  51. jules
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    #32 Willethompson, that was totally twisted, and I bow before your twisted genius!

    Also: Liz would get married…for her mom? For her mom. “I’d do it for my mom!” Um. I…I don’t even know where to go with this. My mom would have me committed if I ever announced that I’d get married just for her, and rightfully so. Of course, my mom raised kids with brains in their heads, and spines down their backs, so I shouldn’t be comparing her to Ellie, or myself to Liz. Thank God.

  52. Squawk
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    MT: “Take turns at the controls.” Is that like when two people in a car stop at a red light, get out, and switch sides? ‘Cause I think that would be kind of hard to do in a plane.

  53. Tracer Bullet
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    Thanks, andreavis. I’m not altogether right yet, but at least my mouth doesn’t taste like burning anymore.

    Does anyone else think Mark Trail sounds a lot like an episode of Speed Racer?

    Speed: I’m going to use the Mach 5 in the race. It’s the fastest car in the world. It was designed by my father, Pops Racer
    Trixie: Good idea, Speed. You should take the Mach 5 because it is so fast and we need to go fast to win the race.
    Speed: Yes, winning the race would make my father, Pops Racer, very happy. The Mach 5 will win the race because it is so fast.
    Spridle: Somebody get this monkey’s hand out of my ass.

    Maybe I imagined that last part.

  54. True Fable
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    FBoFW Did you ever see the b&w Moonlighting episode, where David Addison plays a tough-guy musician hot for Maddy’s dangerous chanteuse? There’s a scene where, in prime Walter Mitty-like fashion, Addison is shown to play Every Single Instrument in a multi-instrument break interlude. This kind of projection happens for Mary Sue characters especially – even though it doesn’t happen often if at all in real life, in fantasy you can be a do-all, be-all, end-all because in the secret life of an imagination, you can be just that.
    And thus it is with Johnston. Liz will do whatever Mom wants, even marrying someone she may or may not even like, all because Mom wants Tradition like some kind of Great White North Tevye. It’s why she’s even considering CinnamonLip: Mom recommended him, and Mom is ALWAYS RIGHT.
    Mike didn’t talk to his agent, or a professional writer or even a former English prof from his alma mater to look over his work. The only Alma Mater than counts to Mike is Elly. She couldn’t make it as a writer herself, but she owned a bookstore so that qualifies her to edit his book! Considering what she had to work with, it damns them both to hell, along with his vanity publisher. He turned to her because Elly is ALWAYS RIGHT.
    April gulps down her resentment like a cheap bottle of wine. She’s 16 and already stumbling down the Frumpy Forever path because that’s how Elly looks and Elly is ALWAYS RIGHT.The only chance she had to cheese off her mother and she didnt take it.
    I get all that, but damn it, today’s strip is the biggest ego trip to date. So much for intrepid Elizabeth, sojourning off to the Land of the Mtatlantic Native Sons because she wants adventure – she had to high-tail it back home because that was just too much to learn about ethnic people when Liz did not Approve Independance, and we can’t have that. Lynn can’t give Elly power over Wise Old Indian Sayings that way. Elly has to be able to trump heathen savages, so Lynn turned Liz from Strong Modern Woman into Toy-hugging, babyish whiner and petty pissant Regression Poster Girl.

    Or, is this Lynn’s version of pissing on her strip so that newly-hired daughter into the family racket will know that this is Lynn’s world, kid; there won’t be any guesting a la Jeffy Keane or Chris Browne? Is that why there’s a constant reference to Mike’s marking his territory in the old house? Nope, it’s Lynn’s way all the way. This marks her territory and lets Daughter know that Mommy still controls the allowance money in the family, kid.

    I can’t say that I am disappointed because I expect so little by way of innovation and story development from LJ. It’s just doomed to be a Variation on a Theme: Elly will continued to ultimately pull all the strings, call all the shots and manage to take the credit for being, I dunno, a Strong Stay-At-Home Mom, the only kind of woman to which females should aspire, the kind who marry safe, boring but breadwinning boors.

    This damn strip grinds so many bees, the entire city of Toronto is one big fuckin’ hive.


  55. Blake
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    47: That’s what I thought. I was sure that either Get Fuzzy is in reruns, or I’ve got a bad case of deja vu.

  56. bellhalla
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    So, Mark Trail’s trip was to Naperville, Illinois? At least that’s where N7107 is registered… Hmm.

  57. Jason!
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    #52: planes have two sets of controls, for exactly this reason.

    But In the third panel, it looks like they decided to drive a bus to the birds instead. Unless the plane has some magical shrinkomatic door that renders the occupants 3/5 their original size.

  58. McManx
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    MT – “Take turns at the controls;” translation: “I’ll work your joystick while you twist my knobs.”

  59. Motorposus
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Sorry to be snarking on yesterday today, but this could be an epidemic!

    Medical Alert: A severe case of “Ted Forth Hands” has been diagnosed across the border in Foobville. Candace Halloran, previously in excellent health except for pointy hair and a nose ring resembling a mole, could barely feed herself with her tiny, weak hand on Tuesday. ER personnel at A Big City Hospital describe Halloran’s condition as “Hoo Boy!” and stable. Halloran has been sequestered in the quarantine unit along with one Buzzard B. Trebuchet.

  60. AtomicDog
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    44 – Fie! Then have at thee! Only one of us is going to survive this battle, and IT WON’T BE ME!!!

  61. AtomicDog
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    52 – Chinese Fire Drill at 10,000 feet?

  62. Theominousoat
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    At first the gothic girl in Funky Winkerbean held absolutely no pathos with me. However, I then realized this is the FW universe in which their cruel deity is perpetually smiting them with tragedy after tragedy. Consequently, I’m fairly certain that she has some hideous disease that makes her lips, hair, and clothes turn black. It even seems as if she has a hideous dark growth coming out of her neck, and just look at that perpetually grim disposition…oh wait, that’s everyone’s disposition when they’re not smirking sadly.

  63. Perky Bird
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    47 & 55 — According to the Washington Post, Get Fuzzy is indeed in re-runs, due to the artist being on vacation. So don’t panic, you’re not missing out on any edgy, controversial strips this week,

  64. stinky pete
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    So we have “Tommie boring,” “Von & Vera boring,” and “9CL boring.” Only question – how to rank them from most to least?

    SFx “unscramble” was tough today but I think I finally got it:
    L.S. SQUIRE (not too sure about this one)

  65. AhClem
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    #56 belhalla -
    You beat me to it. However, it looks like N710P to me, which is a Cessna 210M registered in Topeka, KS. The 210 is a single engine plane with a high wing, which means either Sam did some really serious modifications to the airframe, or JackelRod didn’t do his homework.

    Yes, I’m a geek.

  66. Tweeks_Coffee
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    BB: Yet again, another joke you could only get if you were reading the text. Thus, the entire conversation makes no sense at all.

    ‘Shaft: Where did these Roughrider kids come from anyway? Furthermore; why the hell does The Shaft give a crap about them?

    Curtis: Why does it matter? If they were moving up a grade then they wouldn’t have the same teacher anyway.

    Drabble: Protip: It’s no longer hip and fresh if every comic under the sun has incorporated it.

    FC: The rerun season? I can’t think of a single time I’ve ever heard it referred to as that. Then again, I can’t think of a single time where siblings stood around and watched their dad reading a story to a toddler and commented to each other about it.

    GF: Oh man, I sense great things ahead. What could be better than a story of Bucky being a super-villain through the eyes of Satchel?

    H&J: I’m not clear on what he’s planning to do with a hammer and poison, but I’m fairly sure it has to do with a suicide pact.

    MT: My that’s a spacious plane. It looks like it’s got the cabin space of a 747. More than enough room for the two of them to spread out and “take turns at the controls”.

    PBS: I always feel like a bad person after I laugh at strips like this. Yet, I always laugh at them…

    Plugger: IWhat Plugger is blowing $2,100 on anything? Their cars are barely running yet they throw away money on sheds?

  67. stinky pete
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Also – somebody funnier than me, please let us know exactly what Dagwood’s horoscope said.

  68. Perky Bird
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    A3G- “The counvulsions abate, and–”

    —then they view the ad for the London 2012 Olympics, and the convulsions start anew:

  69. Wellsey
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie looks like she’s wearing prison issue today. Maybe we’re just not being shown all she really does.

    FOOB: Attention, Liz! Do NOT get married to make your mom happy!! You utter ditz! “Mmm, I guess I’ll settle for the first pornstache that comes my way and have a loveless marriage for a few years, then divorce and be really bitter about everything and everyone.”

    GT: Of course you can’t catch anything! You’re holding a bat! What’s with the Iowa shirt on the fan in the first panel? Don’t pin this comicstrip on US Rubin and McLaughlin!! Also, nice butt crack shot in panel three.

    JP: Nooo! Not more Paris cul de sac plots! Go home, Abbey!

    Who was it yesterthread who brought up how much better JP was if you added “In bed” to the end a la a fortune cookie? Wow! I laughed at every serious comic today because of that:
    FOOB: “I’d do it for my mom” – in bed.
    RMMD: “Remove her” – in bed.
    Phantom: “You’re a regular criminal genius” – in bed.
    MW: “Now you can forgive yourself” – in bed.
    MT: “We’ll take turns at the controls” – in bed.
    JP: “And I want to thank Cedric’s wife personally” – in bed.
    A3G: “When Luann needed me, I was too busy” – in bed.

    I never realized how well that could work outside of a Chinese restaurant, so thank you, whoever you are!

    (Go Arizona! Way to force game three!)

  70. Edgy DC
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Did she just say, “We’ll take turns at the controls”?

    Where is Tipper Gore while this is going on?

  71. man behind the curtain
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    A3G — Josh said it best. Tommie you’re an ER nurse and they just brought your roomate/friend into the ER. She still needs you and you still aren’t there to help. Maybe I missed something but just what exactly has Tommie been doing these past weeks that she’s been so busy?

    FBOW — So why does someone who seems to have it all together like Candace waste her time hanging with Liz? Of course, Candace doesn’t mention that she can’t tie the knot with Rudy because Rudy is a horse.

  72. Pelagius
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Flirting? Duh! I’d say the line “Yes, I do… like you!” is a dead giveaway. It doesn’t hurt that Sam is a dead ringer for his wife, anyway.

  73. Wellsey
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    #9 willethompson – Yeah, I have to agree with you. Personally, I’m not taking sexual advice from a hooker.

  74. Jives
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Uh, Josh, I normally view the ads on the left of the page as eye candy … But the one that just popped up claimed to produce orgasms at a rate that rivals automatic weapons fire … I wonder whether ‘Mudges who lurk from work might get in trouble for having that on thier screens? I’m just sayin….

    Good point! I know this site is being passed around at my old office. On the other hand, if you have the ability to put the curmudgeon up on your screen at work, all bets are off.

    In more sexually explicit news … am I the only one who thinks it’s painfully obvious that the general isn’t wearing pants in panel two of today’s Beetle Bailey?

  75. SecretMargo
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    4 Trilobite: re: “I’m so messed up back there I can’t catch ANYTHING.”

    The ‘Bake may indeed have a remedy for this, but that’s only because he’s also the cause.

  76. TommieBlueEyes
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    For the record, the ad isn’t actually for a hooker…in a roundabout way, it’s for the TV show The 4400. Promicin (see the link at the bottom of the ad) is a fictional neurotransmitter that gives people special powers or something. So technically it’s SFW after all.

  77. colorado
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    My world is coming to an end….I see myself in TDIET…..

  78. Dennis Jimenez
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]


    Blondie – Move to Canada, you good for nothing horoscope dodger.

    DtM – The neutering part is of no concern – obviously already done.

    MT – By controls, you mean tits – right?

    MW – In panel one, Von is wanking below the line.

    TDIET – Barf Bits – OH YEAH!!! I guess – I mean WTF – I want to see mom in her dominatrix outfit with the dog leash on pops in a black leather speedo, forcing him to eat Barf Bits from a dog bowl. It’s starting to work for me a little – Oh Yeah!?! I guess!?

  79. onesock
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    at some point we will discover that most of the other FW high school kids are actually emo kids who look at her funny because she dyes her hair black and wears black lipstick. because, dude, that’s not even retro goth.

  80. Calico
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    #32 Wille – does Margo know about this ad? Or Lizardtongue?
    Because if they don’t, they really should.

    FOOB today is like watching a tire deflate. Nuff said there.

    3G – Choke, Sob.
    Tommie, why don’t you just pull out your best Edina Monsoon and run your fingers down your face while saying “Squish squish” repeatedly.

  81. Sheilagh
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    66, Tweeks_Coffee — you’re obviously from a region where “naughty” and “knotty” are homonyms. They aren’t, where I came from (think “nawty” and “nahty”). So the joke could be oral as well as written.

  82. Jim Thorp(e)
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    So, is Clambake going to be tossed off the field now?

    One can only hope.

    An aside, can anyone give me a lift to Thorpstock? I have some good Colombian and will make it worth your while.

  83. Chupper
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Slylock is raising its game to a new level. Instead of sticking to the tired, old fish skeleton to add detail to the scene, they also added a hacked-off fish head. Kudos, Weber!

  84. MonkeyHawk
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    #82 — Jim Thorp(e) –

    Does it have red hairs and make you cough?

    (I haven’t asked that question in years.)

  85. gkl
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    FW: Ruthie from One Big Happy, consider this your one and only warning. Goth Girl is you in about 8 years. Your antics won’t be cute then either.

  86. SecretMargo
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    If you’re like me, you still have the original “Billy and the Boingers Bootleg” collection but either a) lost the record that went with it or b) can’t play it because you don’t have the right equipment, so you might want to head over to Idolator and download those bad boyz and remember when Berke was at the very top of his game.

    (And also wanted to take this opportunity to mention the “Opus imagines his marriage in the future” sequence that occurs in the beginning of the subsequent collection, “Tales Too Ticklish To Tell,” and which takes place in … 2007. The most eerily accurate prediction: Steve Dallas vaporized by “Cig Police” for lighting up indoors. (Don’t turn your phasers on me! I’m just sayin’!)

  87. SecretMargo
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    86: Oh right! Link:

    Boing on over

  88. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Wellsley @ 69: ‘Twas I who came up with the “…in bed” bit for JP, late in yesterthread and re-snarked @ 1 today. But you’re right, it’s not just a JP thing; I hadn’t noticed how well it works with many other strips:

    9CW: No, I would never understand a personal crisis… in bed!
    FW: You’ve got me there… in bed.
    Luann: Sometimes, life hands you a challenge… in bed!
    Spider-Man: He released her! Now it’s up to me… in bed!
    MC: Let’s do it again! Let’s do it again… in bed! (Norm should be so lucky!)
    TDIET: I like Barf Bits… in bed! (Hmmm, maybe this one, not so much.)

  89. Paperback Rifler
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Much has been said about the stiltedness of today’s dialogue; but I think that what’s happened is that Mark and Sam have switched over to an innuendo-laden, hard-boiled, film noir style of conversing that Jack Elrod couldn’t adequately convey with his cut-and-paste lettering. Perhaps this will help you see what I mean:

    Mark: This is a nice “plane,” Sam!

    Sam: Thank you. I have most of my “flying time” in this “plane.” You said you’ve done some “flying,” Mark . . . Do you keep your “license” “up to date”?

    Mark: Yes, I do . . . Like you, I enjoy “flying.”

    Sam: Good. We’ll “take turns” at the “controls.”

    Whew! Steamy! Maybe later, the conversation will turn to how badly Sam needs to have her “hangar cleaned” and whether Mark’s “airfield” has a bigger “control tower” than that to which Sam is accustomed!

    In other news, today’s Gil Thorpè provides a sterling example of how thoroughly hilarious its own utter awfulness can be. From panel 1′s vaguely dirty-sounding talk of “passing balls” that aren’t “knucklers”; to panel 2′s inadvertent “winners don’t do drugs” message (“I’m so messed up back there, I can’t catch anything.” “Well, the first thing to do is admit you have a problem . . .”); to the baffling sports-like action scene in panel 3, which apparently depicts a base runner punching an infielder in the right kidney — I don’t think I’ve been so simultaneously dismayed and entertained since Tyler’s self-inflicted head bashing.

    Speaking of which, who won that “Be Like Head-Bashing Tyler” contest? I’m a pretty regular reader of this blog, but I think I must have missed that announcement, because surely by now, Josh must have . . .

    . . . What’s that? . . . You’re saying he hasn’t yet . . . But it’s been . . . Okay, then . . .

    . . . Ahem . . . So, has anybody noticed that that Aldo guy looks a lot like Captain Kangaroo?

  90. Bapp
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    This is a nice blog, Josh. Yes, it is. Like you, I enjoy comics. (Fair warning, if we ever met, I’d be tempted to thrust my pelvis in your direction in gratitude)

  91. Joel
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    #57 Exactly – why take turns when they can share the controls?

    Most of Sam’s flying time is in this plane, but does Mark realise that she means as a passenger? Lets hope Mark wasn’t lying when he said his license was up to date. Don’t let go of that column, Mark!

    (My second post ever! This is mildly enjoyable!)

  92. Paperback Rifler
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    . . . Okay, sorry about the Captain Kangaroo thing; I panicked. So has anybody mentioned that Von looks a lot like Jonny Quest? Yes? No? Geez, either way, I wish I’d thought up some jokes for that eventuality.

  93. Wellsey
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    #88, Of course, it would be you wouldn’t it? You’ve really been on fire lately.

  94. Plumberduck
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: I’m always amused when someone in this strip makes a reference to “growing up”. It’s like they don’t know that they all died in a poorly planned Satanic ritual thirty years ago. They’re in hell, and their punishment is to do twee, annoying shit for eternity.

  95. pesch
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Now, for those of you who are not aware of “the horse racing scene” from “The Big Sleep,” here it is.

    And remember, this is a 23-year-old Lauren Bacall seducing Bogart. And at that time, Lauren was a hella piece of eye-candy with a voice that made Jessica Rabbit sound like Bobcat Goldthwait (I was about to say Wally Cox, but remembered in time that this wasn’t the ’70s).

    Remember that Vivian’s speech was slow and assured. She dam well knew what she was saying:

    Vivian: Speaking of horses, I like to play them myself. But I like to see them workout a little first, see if they’re front runners or come from behind, find out what their whole card is, what makes them run.
    Marlowe: Find out mine?
    Vivian: I think so.
    Marlowe: Go ahead.
    Vivian: I’d say you don’t like to be rated. You like to get out in front, open up a little lead, take a little breather in the backstretch, and then come home free.
    Marlowe: You don’t like to be rated yourself.
    Vivian: I haven’t met anyone yet that can do it. Any suggestions?
    Marlowe: Well, I can’t tell till I’ve seen you over a distance of ground. You’ve got a touch of class, but I don’t know how, how far you can go.
    Vivian: A lot depends on who’s in the saddle.

    Now, try to imagine Liz saying this to the Pornstache.

  96. Wellsey
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    #92, I was thinking today how much Von and Vera look like a Barbie and Ken doll couple. Now I can’t get it out of my head. All this action is taking place in a Barbie Dream House and it’s becoming vaguely Twilight Zone-ish. Soon we’ll hear a child’s disembodied laughter. I’m telling you, it would explain A LOT. The brown shapeless food. The mannequin like poses. The wordless people always staring in the hallways. A LOT!

  97. AhClem
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    “Now, try to imagine Liz saying this to the Pornstache.”

    Urp. I think i’m going to be sick.

  98. Darkefang
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Archie: We almost see the dark side of Jughead in today’s strip. Betty and Archie show what first appears to be excessive concern over a lack of a recliner in Archie’s living room. However, they know that Jughead is inclined to fly into a berserker rage at any moment. They keep him sedated on fatty foods, but the lack of a comfortable seat means they’ll be able to keep his anger at bay no longer.

    BB: What kind of crazy dialect are these people using where they can hear a difference between “naughty” and “knotty”?

    Blondie: I know some people like sniffing indelible markers to get high. Apparently Dagwood gets tweaked on printer’s ink. The talk of a horoscope is just a poor attempt on his part to hide a drug problem from his wife.

    Crock: Two guys from the Mickey Mouse Club tried to use a giant mallet to break into a fort? Is there a joke in here somewhere, or are we supposed to be amused by the fact that their footprints look like a long trail of mouse droppings?

    DT: It looks like Ann Coulter is being sent to Gitmo. It’s too bad her grandfather has to go too.

    Cunning International Agents? The jokes in this strip are almost as well constructed as the hands.

    FW: Lately, we’ve seen discussions about cancer, global warming and our infinitesimal presence in the universe. In light of those topics, physical abuse seems almost whimsical.

    GT: If you shave his goatee, I’m pretty sure Marty Moon would be a dead ringer for Tommie from Apartment 3-G. He’s a pretty, pretty man, certainly prettier than any of the women in Milford.

    H&L: Lois is sporting another SUNY shirt today. Is the Browne family putting kids through college perhaps?

    JP: “And I want to meet Cedric’s wife to thank her personally!”


    MT: This is the dirtiest comic strip I’ve ever read.

    This is a nice plane, Sam. = This is a good place for us to have sex, Sam.

    Thank you. I have most of my flying time in this plane. = Thank you. This is where I usually take my one-night stands.

    You said you’ve done some flying, Mark… Do you keep your license up to date? = You said you have a wife, so you must enjoy heterosexual sex… Do you remember how to get freaky?

    Yes, I do… like you, I enjoy flying. = Yes, I do… I’m the freak-Master.

    Good, we’ll take turns at the controls. = Good, you’ll work the button, and I’ll take the stick.

    And just to drive home the point, Sam already taking control of Mark’s controls in the final panel

    MW: “I forgive you Von! Now you can forgive yourself…” Now why don’t you go for a drive. Don’t forget your bottle of Bombay Sapphire!

    Phantom: “She’ll reach LAND! Or be picked up by another BOAT!” Or be eaten by a SHARK! Or DROWN!

    Pluggers: Pluggers have sheds that cost more than a lawnmower. Hilarious.

    Wait… Why is that funny?

    RMMD: It was difficult to read sexual innuendo into this one, but I managed:

    “And what do you suggest we do?”

    “Take action…
    …Remove her” clothes

    *bow chicka chicka wow wow*

    Slylock Fox: The woman in the house seems awfully happy that giant mutant racoons are strewing trash across her yard.

  99. Wellsey
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Pesch- Torgo says, “ThE eLlY wOuLd NoT aPpRoVe!”

  100. Proteus
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    What’s wrong Tommy? You’re white as a sheet… in bed!

    If you don’t mind, I’m going to stay in Paris a little longer… in bed!

    Where are you Ben? Are you safe… in bed?

    Not funny is the new funny, people.

  101. mattt
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    A3G- when I was growing up Curt Swan was the guy doing the Superman comic book. The art anyway. Maybe not the writing. So Swan my not have anything to do with my next point, which is “CHOKE!” “SOB!” is how everybody used to cry in the Superman comic book. It really bugged me then, too.

  102. The Senryu Snarker
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Sam has Barbie™ breasts;
    Mark is built like G.I Joe.
    Molded plastic

  103. gh
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    #32 willethompson

    Hee-hee! Hoo-hoo! Back in the saddle again! Where’d I put that screen squeegee?

  104. gh
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    A3G — I feel kind of cheated because surely someone with such a practiced hand at head-bobbles could whip up an awesome set of “violent convulsions.” Next time, please: show, don’t tell. Tomorrow’s strip: Margo rushes to the hospital, but chips a nail opening the door and decides to get a manicure instead. Oh, well. At least she tried.

  105. AllieCat
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Ok, I was having a little problem with insomnia last night, and I started thinking about FOOB.

    And I’m pissed! Anthony has been drooling over Liz for years. YEARS. As recently as a few months ago, he was thought ballooning about her something fierce. So all of a sudden, as soon as she’s out of a relationship and ready to consider him, he’s moved on?

    I’m sure this has been discussed ad nauseum, but what is up with this fickle Cinnabum? He only wants what he can’t have.

    As for the “I’d do it for my mother”… I call ASSHATTED, BEE GRINDING BULLSHIT. No one plans a big convoluted wedding to keep Mom happy – but it’s what we tell ourselves to keep from acknowledging that we’ve spent years dreaming about being the princess for one day.

    I know from whence I speak. My husband and I briefly discussed eloping but nixed it because “our families would be devastated”. When in truth, we had the whole enchilada because we really wanted an open bar, a kickin’ band and the Kitchen Aid stand mixer in Empire Red. Done, done and done.

  106. Dingo
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    To Ukelele Ike one thread ago: the strip that appeared last year in the Chicago Tribune was The Hots.

  107. O’Fogeyette
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Thanks to all for your good wishes for Mr. O’F.

    Update before heading to the eye doctor (and returning and actually reading this thread): Mr. O’F’s eye is good, but vision is still blurry. With the other one he had perfect vision immediately, so I think he’s disappointed.

    The softball game last night was one of the most exciting I have ever seen, even though nobody scored till the tenth inning, when we did on a GREAT, major-league caliber slide, to win the game. Tonight is the final, deciding game, and I for one will be glad to have it all over. I can’t take much more of this tension!

  108. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    FW: Exactly how hard would the “goth chick” have to work to be dark and somber and depressing in the Batiukiverse? Sylvia Plath listening to Morrissey and watching a puppy freeze to death during a lunar eclipse at her parents’ Potter’s Grave funeral would be “perky” in this place.

    FOOOB: Even the cat in the last panel is thinking “Oh, come the fuck ON already”

  109. gh
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    I’d do it for my mom.
    I’d do it to my mom.
    I’d do it with my mom.
    I’d do it on my mom.

    Momma? Can I stop now?

    Well, dear, if that’s the best you can do. I just, I don’t know, expected more from you.

    I’d do it after my mom.
    I’d do it in front of my mom.
    I’d do it under my mom.
    I’d do it alongside my mom.
    … … …

  110. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    By the way, with as much time and energy as we put into ripping on our favorite targets of ridicule, we hardly ever give even a passing mention to the strips we like (unless it’s to defend them from someone else’s snark).

    So, I’d like to take a moment to throw some love in the direction of My Cage. And no, not just because of the long-delayed introduction of Maureen T. Fox, who is six kinds of awesome. (Aside to Ed Power, who reads this blog: She’s still called “Taylor” on the syndicate’s characters page.)

    I first encountered MC in a promo packet sent by King Features to the newspaper where I worked. A couple weeks worth of dailies and a couple Sundays don’t give much of an opportunity to make an impression, and since I had no openings on our comics page and other things to do, it didn’t really grab me. “Oh, someone’s trying to be ‘hip’ with the online-community references,” is all I remember thinking before tossing it on the pile with the promo packets for Edison Lee and other wastes of perfectly good ink and paper.

    But since I joined this group, MC has launched, and I’ve started reading it. I don’t know whether it’s the strip or me that’s different this time around, but I’ve come to see there’s a lot more to it than the “talking animals + techie humor = Kevin & Kell knockoff” impression I got at first.

    First, it has a character-driven, drier style of wit that’s more realistic than your typical “gag strip” joke, but can take time to get into. (Admit it — how many Get Fuzzy fans liked it right off the bat?) Another positive point is that the characters show surprising dimensions at times. For example, this week is the first introduction of Maureen (it always comes back to the foxgirls, don’t it?). While most strips would be satisfied with portraying her as the shallow golddigger and fantasy object, maybe deigning to add layers and backstory later, it’s already established that she’s also a new single mother — and a caring one, despite the golddigger image. And though main character Norm (as in “Normal”) is clearly intended to be our Everyman window into this world, rather than just being the foil for the goofy characters, he has his goofy side too (playing along with Maureen in today’s strip, or the “Guess who pooped outside?” joke last week).

    So, anyway: I just thought it would be nice to praise a strip I enjoy for a change. We now return you to your regularly scheduled vitriol and bile.

    Good Lord, F Minus sucks.

  111. Uncle Lumpy
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    #109 gh -

    Liz could do it athwart her Mom! Folks would pay to watch!

  112. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Mr. Coffee Nerves @ 108: As hard as I’ve been bucking for COTW with my submissions this week, I must concede front-runner status to you with your FW comment. Bravo, sir! Well snarked.

  113. Doola!
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s “Mark Trail” installment:
    Panel 1:
    Sam: So, Mark do you enjoy sexual intercourse with members of the opposite sex?
    Mark: Yes, I find sexual intercourse to be quite satisfactory.
    Panel 2:
    A Gigantic Duck: We’re agreed, then, that sexual intercourse is an enjoyable pastime.
    Panel 3:
    Mark: Yes, perhaps we should engage in sexual intercourse now.
    Sam: I’ll activate the auto-pilot while you remove my brassiere.

  114. June Morgan's Right Breast
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Uh oh gh #109, you got my vote for COTW but Uncle Lumpy #111 just snatched it away!

  115. man behind the curtain
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    FBOW — So Liz, if Mom told you to jump off of a bridge would you do that too? And remember Elly, it doesn’t hurt to ask.

  116. gh
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    #107 O’Fogeyette

    All’s well that ends well! I clocked out just before you did, so apropos of UPN, it merged with WB to form the mutant CW. More information about CW can be found on UHF.

    #110 The Spectacular Spider-Brick

    OK, fine. I’m adding it to my Build-Your-Own page. But I’m also adding Fred Bassett, so don’t get cocky.

    #111 UL

    I shudder to think. It was painful enough to hear she’d been astride.

  117. Calico
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    TSSB – from the previous thread-just an idea:

    #122 – CIA –
    (Theme from “Mission Impossible” plays in background)

  118. D.A.Pennington
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Today’s FOOB: Yes Elizabeth, you’d get into a wedding dress for your mom, but the big question is . . . Will it be a white wedding?


  119. under_score
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    #77 Colorado. I feel your pain. I too had “the urge” to clip & post this TDIET on my fridge. (mostly due to first panel. I have teens, they’d happily eat Barf Bits. Er, maybe not happily, but they wouldn’t complain if they were hungry enough)

    Not only do I identify with TDIET, I feel I must defend (THTI)FOOB today. I don’t think she’d get married for her mom. What Liz is saying is that she’d “stuff herself into a frilly white dress” for her mom. Someone does need to clue in Lynn Candace that people can get married without the all the hooplah. Also, like Apple Girl at #113, I don’t believe for a sec that Liz wouldn’t choose FWD for herself

    I also teeheeheed at MyCage today, but that is not so great a sin.

    However, DT continues to activate my WTF nerve, so perhaps I can soldier on today, regardless of the above anomalies.

  120. MossMoses
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Besides ornithology, Buzzard is quite accomplished at billiards. I can tell this from panel two yesterday where he has his right hand in his overalls, playing pocket pool. You can tell which hand he doesn’t use because it is deformed and whithered.

    I forgive you Scooter, now just wait for Bush to forgive you…

  121. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Much thanks, Spectacular Spider-Brick! Coming from someone whose comments consistently make me spew coffee, I take that as a real compliment!

    Soon people will be accusing us of “enjoying flying,” I’m afraid.

  122. queek
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    The Spectacular Spider-Brick said most of what I was thinking, and plenty more about My Cage. I will, however, add this in regards to todays installment: Fox-MILF!!! (runs for cover)

    O’Fette, the QG and I watched the softball game last night. The Az pitcher makes the most of the camera angle, is all I’m sayin’. . .

    groaner puns in MG&G and RwO today, and the BC shout-out in Non Sequitur has already been noted.

    I laughed at BB today. Please don’t remove my Minionship.

    Is it just me, or does insulting a drunk with a gun in his hand seem like a bad idea? *looks at Captain McSammidge*

  123. AhClem
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    For the science and physics geeks in the audience, XKCD is awesome today.

  124. gh
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #117 Calico

    If we’re talking Dick Tracy, it’s more like Curmudgeons In Agony.


    Something about June Morgan’s Right Breast saying “snatched” just . . . I’ll be in my bunk.

  125. Sobek
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    MT –

    Chica: But Mark, aren’t you afraid that a bunch of birds will be sucked into our engines, as part of a needlessly complicated scheme by incompetent, nameless county commissioners to build a new airport?

    Mark: Nope. All the birds were sucked into quicksand and buried alive. Didn’t you hear the “SSSSSHHLORP!” sound?

    Chica: You seem unusually composed, considering a villain just killed a bunch of innocent birds.

    Mark: I need to wait until Buzzard has time to grow some facial hair, so I can punch it off.

    Chica: Awesome. So … wanna make out?

    Mark: No.

  126. Kronkina
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G Tommie says Luann is a friend of hers who she hasn’t seen in weeks…Tommie, why don’t you tell Mr. Doctor-Who-Looks-Like-Every-Other-Disposable-Male-in-this-strip that Luann is your roommate?! I mean, I have friends I haven’t seen for weeks, and that is not cause for concern. However, a roommate missing for weeks, and you didn’t even call in a missing person’s report? I’m starting to think Tommie is actual much more Margo-like than we have previously given her credit for; she just hides it behind a seemingly bland life.

  127. stinky pete
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    123 AhClem, that went beyond awesome. Inspired bits include “The frightened squirrel,” placing aliens & SETI adjacent to each other, and the talking potato from Mark Trail. Only thing I didn’t get was the reference to Sulawesi. Any ideas?

  128. Mibbitmaker
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Fourth panel: SPLAT!! “…..or not.”

    9CL/FW: The same strip?

    MT: The plane speaks! And the wing is also named Sam. And of course you spend most of your flying time in that plane; YOU’RE ITS FREAKING WING!! And one with an amazing ego, taking credit for the plane’s niceness.

    9CL (alone this time): Edda’s whole hangup in this storyline…. Edda = Brooke? Yeah, Mac, that thinly hidden self-allegory worked out so well for Aaron Sorkin lately!

    Preteena: A glimpse of what happens if Curtis and Michelle were ever a couple.

    MW: Yeah, now that Vera forgives Von, Von can forgive himself. Yeah, that’s really nice. I’m glad theyWHAT ABOUT THAT THING VERA DID FIRST THAT THEY NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT??? HUH??? Is the “elephant in the room” on strike or something??

  129. Kronkina
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    MW Reading this current story line makes me feel dirty. Vera and Von are just way too Flowers in the Attic-ish for my liking.

  130. Bootsy
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    O’F, glad the mister is doing OK. As a survivor of lots of eye surgeries, sometimes they can be long and painful recoveries, but I had lens replacements and those were the easist. The first one was clear right away, the second took a little while but cleared up. I’m no geologist though, so see one for details.

    I also call bullshit on anyone who thinks all girls grow up dreaming of the big wedding and white dress. My six sisters and I must have missed out on that gene, thank Zeus!

  131. stinky pete
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    And since AhClem now has me looking through the XKCD archives instead of producing a good or service that can be sold for a profit, everyone here should appreciate this one:

  132. Steve T.
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail sounds exactly like one of those textbook dialogues you read and recite with your instructor when you’re learning a new language. I bet this is the most popular comic strip among ESL teachers everywhere.

  133. SecretMargo
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    127: Maybe a reference to the extreme attenuation of its mid-section? It looks like a tiny blip on the EKG line of Indonesia.

    That’s my best guess. Do I win (a date with Rex Morgan)?

  134. NotThatGuy
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    While Sobek #125 has undoubtedly got it right, I can’t help but point out the heavy foreshadowing: Mark casually mentions he can fly a plane, Bubbahotek has released birds onto the runway, we are about to get Mark Trail channeling The Phantom as hitherto unsuspected skills appear just for this very moment– almost as if someone had foreseen the need for Mark to take the controls!

    Of course, I’m still wondering why Mark isn’t after the REAL story: how a two-bit airport could circumvent state and federal wetlands regulations by destroying waterfowl habitat. He could be haulin’ ol’ Sam off in handcuffs, thus simultaneously playing to the environmental-bondage readership.

  135. True Fable
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    The Roopville treatment of Mark Trail:

    What if Mark Trail retained his usual appearance – you know, ginormous squirrels with a talking ass, stiff unrealistically drawn people and villains with facial hair facing Right Hooks O’ Justice – but the dialogue was bumped up? How long would it take regular readers (other than Curmudgeons, that is) to really notice that although Mark is apparently going to look at the airport from a bird’s eye view with Sam, he’s actually a major playa who’s hittin’ that like nobody’s business?

    Maybe I’m just wicked at heart; maybe I am bored with slow paced serial strips right now. But I still think it would be a kick in the pants if Mark was still a bear-saving, tree-hugging, eyehook-noticing beekeeper and grinder, but let him give Cherry her walking papers, toss Rusty in a boy’s school somewhere, and played Captain Kirk and boffed every guest star woman who came along.

    Sure, that was Supposed to be what he was about before he met Cherry, but come on; Mark Trail never even suited up, much less got in the game to tag any bases back then. Keep the environmental issues in there – relevancy rules, kids! – but give the guy a life.

    We don’t have to drown Rusty, just send him away so later Mark can go to his fancy pants boarding school (from which he never seems to leave, odd that huh?) to save it from a bee grinding outbreak, say, only Mark can participate in a few mating rituals with the headmistress or other local beavers before zipping off to start a new “fire” or two somewhere else. In fact, Rusty school can be a handy source of story lines – the school’s great but every natural disaster known to man except Mary Worth shows up there.

    Getting a new artist would be…oh…okay I guess, but the fun would be in seeing board-stiff Mark still unable to change expression, but making flagrant passes at Petrified Sam like Doug Flutie back in the day. Blue haired ladies who still seriously read Mary Worth “for inspiration” and Foobville “for its family values” (yeah, that misguided) would scarcely notice just by glancing, when Mark’s word balloon here in panel three said, “Sure! I just hope you’re as experienced a stick and rudder gal as you are a pilot” or something that would evoke a “Huh?” from a reader.

    Oh, of course it won’t make it past the editors! That’s why the substitute strip would have him say, “Like the old commercial said, ‘I’m Mark! Fly me!” with the understanding that he would get more Sky Miles in the Mile High Club.

    We’d eventually have supposedly steamy makeout scenes in plotlines but as drawn in the traditional Mark Trail style, they’d be a scream.

    Just pondering. It’s what we do here in Roopville when it’s too dry to watch the grass grow for entertainment.

  136. June Morgan's Right Breast
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Curmudgeons worship me, other breasts weep into their A-cups and wish to be me.

  137. Cornwhacker
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    A couple of FW thoughts:

    17: Your line “ostentatious use of Romance Language” reminded me that Wally & Becky’s daughter is named Rana, Spanish for “frog”. You’d think she’d be the one named “Chien”, being Afghan and all.

    79: Are you suggesting Chien’s hair isn’t Emo enough? ‘Cause Mr. Philips had that same A-Line bob for like, at least a decade.

  138. Sev
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Everyone has already noted the position of Sam’s right arm in the ultimate panel, but no one seems to have said anything about MT’s face.

    He doesn’t look like he’s about to get a handjob. He looks like he’s about to get a plate of his favourite breakfast.

    “Yum, hash browns and tofu eggs! How did you know, Sam?”

  139. queek
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    forgot to mention a couple of things, both Brooke related.

    the expression on Seth’s face today made up for roughly half of the past two weeks dreary moping.

    while the LJ post is gone, and I can’t prove it, I believe that today’s Pibgorn is one of his “couldn’t get it by the old editors” versions. Go fairypr0n! :-)

  140. Trotzenbonnie
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – Isn’t it always in the last panel of Blondie where Daisy displays some reaction to Dagwood’s drollery? She just sleeps right through today’s chestnut.

    #130 – Bootsy
    Ditto. Although I did by new Birkenstocks for my second wedding…..

    #1 – SSB
    I think that whole post should comprise COTW. I’m sure Josh will thank you for making it easier for him.
    (#28 Blake – I don’t know what shibari is and I didn’t look it up. I’m perfectly content just assuming that it’s funny.)

    #15 – wille
    Do you get a bigger payoff for my mangled monitor and shredded newsprint?

  141. Cornwhacker
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    I had to look up “shibari” the first time it was mentioned on this site. It comes up here quite often, come to think of it.

  142. AllieCat
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    #140 – I REALLY wanted white birkenstocks for my wedding, but I got vetoed by just about everyone.

    I ended up with Hush Puppy sandals. They may not have been sextacular, but at the end of the day, my feet felt great, and frankly, you can’t put a price on that.

    In fact, I don’t own a single pair of shoes that aren’t comfortable. That’s just how I roll.

  143. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Blake @ 28 and Trotzenbonnie @ 140: I actually learned the word “shibari” from a CC comment.

    More information about shibari can be found on numerous NSFW Web sites.

  144. Domitian
    June 6th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    A3G: The doctor is kind of excited in the third panel. “Could it be?” he marvels. “Could this be the oblivious beard I’ve been looking for my whole life? She seems to be dumb enough — it just might work!

  145. Cedar
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    #110 I like My Cage, too. I found it a little Dilbert-y for the first week or so I read it, but it’s growing on me.

    I also hate F Minus. Today’s strip is particularly bizarre. I’m seriously baffled by it. I’ll admit that this stirp from earlier this week made me laugh

    #38 Xboy
    The Big Sleep is an awesome, bizarre noir movie from the 1940s. Because of the Production Code in place at the time, references to drugs, sex, homosexuality, etc, weren’t explicitly allowed, and there was a lot of entrendres and double talk regarding these subjects. One of the more famous scenes in the movie is Bogart and Bacall talking in a sexy way about horse racing (“It depends on who’s in the saddle.”

  146. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkphomabean-

    Ah, here we have young Walter Matthau complaining about getting the infamous “Atomic Wedgie”…Serve’s you right for going to the same school as Butch Oppenheimer and Rocco Einstein you gimp…

  147. Gabe
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Birkenstocks? That can only mean….

    Hippies! On the mudge! Run for your lives!

  148. Gulielma
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    FBoFW: “Get these bones into a white dress”??? Oh, that Lynn Johnston and her hipster slang! Of course, the reason Candace isn’t marrying Rudy is either a) she’s the only character with a lick of sense and b) it’s been so long that Rudy had a scene in the strip that no one remembers what he looks like.

    Dilbert: (Squidward voice): I did not need to see that.

    Beetle Bailey: “Naughty” and “knotty” sound alike! So it’s funny! In a kinda sorta way

    PBS: Okay, now I’m confused. On Sunday the Zebras didn’t have to worry because the two lion neighbors were male. Today, “the wife” killed the antelope up the street.

    Curtis: Shouldn’t that be “next school year” or “in the fall”, rather than “next semester”?

    Lio: Don’t you hate it when you give your crush a flesh eating plant by mistake?

    One Big Happy: the Homework Help lady probably needs a stiff drink by now.

    Piranha Club: “I’d like two pounds of Mr. Happy”

    In other news, the Philadelphia Daily News has gotten rid of “Frank and Ernest” and “The Wizard of Id” and replaced them with “Candorville.” (They also expanded Dear Abby). Hope Candorville gets better.

  149. goaty
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    #115. now THAT’s a COTW

  150. Nina
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    O’F Glad to hear the surgery was successful. (It is normal for the second eye to be a little blurry at first, your brain has to figure it all out)
    That game last night was great. Hard on the body to stay up so late (on the east coast), but it was worth it!
    GO AZ!!!!

  151. goaty
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    and #126…. my exact thoughts…. just 101 posts later.

  152. Nina
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Allie Cat, Great minds think alike. I was barefoot at my wedding. I am a no shoes kinda person, thats how I roll…..

  153. kat
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    FW: Before the Goth Prom Hater gets all snippy about her peers, she might consider that instead of dark looks from jerks likely confused about whether it’s 1996, she could be abandoned by everyone she knows for weeks, left to convulse about the yearbook office and gasp out fragments to blue, swirling smoke. I’m sure Lu Ann would have taken an atomic wedgie over that. Hell, most of the readers would have taken an atomic wedgie over just reading about it.

  154. kat
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    FW: Before the Goth Prom Hater gets all snippy about her peers, she might consider that instead of dark looks from jerks likely confused about whether it’s 1996, she could be abandoned by everyone she knows for weeks, left to convulse about the yearbook office and gasp out fragments to blue, swirling smoke. I’m sure Lu Ann would have taken an atomic wedgie over that. Hell, most of the readers would have taken an atomic wedgie over reading about it.

  155. Sobek
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    The only lightsource in that Funky Winkerbean office is a flashlight someone dropped on the floor. That, or the gates of Hell just cracked open and are bathing the room in an unholy light. In any other office, the people would notice and react to such a thing, but these two kids are probably thinking, “Huh, there’s Satan again.”

  156. man behind the curtain
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    #126 Kronkina. I agree. But Tommie doesn’t want to say ‘roommate’ as it may lead to relationship and lifestyle questions she’d rather notanswer. Nor does she want to scare off Dr. stock-character just when he’s showing some interest.

  157. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Re Beetle Bailey: The vowels in “knotty” and “naughty” (or “cot” and “caught”) have merged in large portions of, but not all of, North America. Generally speaking, there’s no difference between the two sounds in Canada and the Western US (as well as, apparently, much of New England as well as the Pittsburgh/W.Va. area).

    I believe the words “cot” and “caught” have very different sounds in most of England as well as Australia and New Zealand. I have no idea about Ireland though. Anyone from Ireland here?

    Re Family Circus: “The rerun season”, eh? When I was growing up, we had another name for the rerun season. You know what we called it? SUMMER!! Holy crickets, these kids need to go outside once in a while.

    Beavis and Butthead once said, “The cool thing about dreams is, you’re asleep, but it’s like you’re still watching TV.”

  158. Trotzenbonnie
    June 6th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    My son, the mind reader, knew I was talking about Birkenstocks. He thought I would identify with this:

  159. Ukulele Ike
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Dingo & Jym: Yes, it WAS “The Hots” that I was remembering. So, why were they called “The Hots”? I guess Hannah was pretty hot (she reminded me of a girl I spent a few pleasant nights with back in my university days) . Max, not so much.

    Spider-Brick: I thought similar things about “My Cage” when it was starting up — oh, cute animals in clothes doing office things and having relationships, it’ll be like “Kevin and Kell,” but wait, “Kevin and Kell” sucks.

    I’m enjoying the hell out of it now. Nice going, Mister Power.

    (And you can tell that Maureen hasn’t had a professional job in a while. I haven’t seen a business suit with a skirt that short since 1998.)

    Brooke McEldowney: Stop it. Just fucking stop it with the unicon crap NOW, will you please? You can do so much BETTER than this. Please, I bought your damn self-published “Pigborn” collection, I supported you during the Midsummer Night’s Dream thing, don’t embarrass me in front of all my friends here. Pull yourself together, man!

  160. True Fable
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    I went to Comic Alert! and entered this review on For Better or For Worse:

    “I despise this comic, and I used to really enjoy it. Lynn has turned the entire family of recognizably people next door into whiny, self-centered pun-happy twerps who apparently look down on career minded women and strong men who do not drop everything in order to hold his Patterson woman’s hand. I used to like the ‘slice of life’ aspect of FBoFW, but somewhere along the way something happened. Suddenly no one but the boring first love was good enough for Liz – I mean, Anthony asked her to wait for him to get out of his unhappy marriage only minutes after he ran off her would-be rapist. What kind of idiot does that? But because Paul wouldn’t, hello, leave work to sit outside a courtroom with her, Elly didn’t think he was as good as Anthony. what? You mean Liz is supposed to want a man who made a pass at her while he was still married? Despite John’s glowing praise, I have never seen Anthony say anything funny or smart or thoughtful – just whine whine whine. And WHY does a young woman like Liz, and a cute teen like April, believe that putting their hair in a dull old bun and wearing unbecoming glasses, looks at all attractive when it just makes their mother Elly look even frumpier and older than she is? And she has the gall to complain when people think she’s old – well, she LOOKS it! The biggest problem for me is Michael, and the frankly unrealistic road he’s on. First of all, he let his wife and children fend for themselves during the apartment fire, so he could run back and save his manuscript. She was rightfully angry with him, but we never saw him get the chewing out he deserved. Then we are supposed to believe that he finished the novel Christmas Eve, mailed it to his publisher on Boxing Day (my apartment is toast but I’m mailing my book!) and a month later got a contract offer and a $25,000 advance? No professional editing (I don’t count Elly’s stint as a bookstore owner the same as being a professional editor AT ALL) no contract negotiations, no publishing house input or critique at all? That’s hard enough to believe, but has anyone READ Michael’s letters about the book on Lynn Johnston’s website? What a load of drivel! What a queasy collection of purple prose – and this is supposedly worth $25,000 in advance? Give me the name of that publishing house, apparently they will print anything! Is Michael sure they didn’t say, “we expect you to pay us $25K up front just for hacking our way through this pile of shinola”? Realism, you say. There is no realism in For Better or For Worse in my opinion. There are only pretentious characters who constantly cry “What about ME?” with contrived storylines that show how saintly the Patterson family is. Liz is never at fault in her relationships; her boyfriends always always ALWAYS cheat on her; in fact, all the Patterson kids’ love interests cheat on them. Can’t have anything THEY do wrong. That’s no realism. That’s the world as Lynn would LIKE it to be. I realize there are plenty of FBoFW fans who will be angry about this review, but they probably aren’t as angry as I am that Lynn Johnston took her wonderful comic strip and ruined the very realism it is supposed to display.”

    Too much? Don’t care. :-) But I did take the rating from 5 out of 5, to 4.3 so my job is done.

  161. Busted Flush
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    MT: I can’t help but think Sam’s airplane is a bit like Dr. Who’s Tardis. Looks normal out the outside but room enough to stand up and walk around and “share the controls” on the inside.

    Kudzu: Yes It’s called NPR.

  162. Decidedly So
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Now, Snuffy Smith has never been a bastion of real-world accuracy (considering Jughaid goes to school all summer, every summer), but you’d think that if the dialogue says Snuffy and “Ebby” both have the ace of clubs, they might not want to show them both holding the ace of spades. But who knows what they call the suits in hill-country — one of the other guys could be holding a flush of billygoats or eggs.

  163. O’Fogeyette
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    32 williethompson BWA x HA x 116

    125 Sobek: Great MT dialogue!

    130 Bootsy (Bootsybooks?) Thanks for the encouragement re the eye. And I missed that gene too. I also never wanted kids. I’ve sometimes thought I might be a mutant.

    135 True Fable: Thanks for the speculations on a new direction for Mark Trail. If we can vote on it, I vote AYE!

    150 Nina thanks!

  164. Bootsy
    June 6th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Sam Hill looks likes she trimmed her bangs with a paper shredder.

  165. Bootsy
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    #163, O’F, I was inspired by you (and the Spectacular Spider-Brick) to change my nom de snark to just Bootsy. We’re on first name basis here, right?

  166. True Fable
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    #164 Bootsy: You know, Sam Hill just sort of naturally brings words like “trim” and “bang” to mind. To my mind, anyway.

    Spank you; spank you very much! Week! Veal! Tip!

  167. BOXCAR!children
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    FW – Kids, kids, don’t be so depressed in the best years of your lives! You’re so innocent, so young, so cancer-free…

    TDIET – Sad as this is, I plan on showing today’s edition to my mother, because this exact scenario happened all the time when I was growing up. Now, true, Mom never bought Barf Bits unless they were on sale. And true, Dad never said “Howcum?” when children were present. But other than that…pretty accurate.

  168. Dennis Jimenez
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Sam Hill looks like see applies her eye makeup with a beaver tail.

  169. True Fable
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I think Sam just dyed her SCALP blue-black, and left a little lunatic fringe across the forehead to use as a guideline for some Head-On.


  170. Gap-toothed Starey "Hoooo!" Guy
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    #145: I think today’s F Minus might be a reference to Cube. But yeah, that’s a pretty ridiculously obscure reference to put into a gag-a-day strip.


  171. MonkeyHawk
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    I remember my first pair of Birkenstocks.

    Some guy at a part was raving about how comfortable his sandals were and told me what they were called. Since there happened to be herbs burning in the room, my short-term memory was affected.

    All I remembered was the brand was some sort of Scandivavian-sounding something that began with a “B.” You should have seen the looks of shoe store clerks when this long-haired freaky-lookin’ guy walked in and said, “I want a pair of Bjorgvørks!”

    I later moved on to a career naming products at IKEA.

  172. Brendan
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone on this board actually want Luann to live?

    Does anyone on this board actually think she won’t?

  173. Dean Booth
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: If this storyline is anything like the last, I’m betting that Newt Gingrich accidentally shoots himself just as Phantom arrives on the scene.

  174. gh
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    #145, #170

    You’ve never been to a McDonald’s Playland? Lucky you.

  175. MonkeyHawk
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    #160 — True Fable:

    The Comic Alert critic likes FOOB much more than I do.

  176. Paperback Rifler
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Sam Hill looks like she stuffs her shirt with sweater puppies. Yeah, that’s the best that I could do.

    And True Fable, did you have to go and say “lunatic fringe?”

    Lunatic Fringe
    I know you’re up there —
    On my forehead
    Just above my eyebrows.
    When I use Head-On
    You guide my hand rightly.
    You border my hairline,
    And you’re truly unsightly —

    And so on. So that’s a good ten minutes of my life that I’ll never have back.

  177. Ghost Riders in the Foob
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    FYI, the Pibgorn rerun reached the Infamous Panel today, and gocomics ran the uncensored original version.

  178. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    #176 Paperback Rifler — are you Canadian or something? I guess I just always assumed that Tom Cochrane and Red Rider would be one of those phenomena that are unknown everywhere else.

  179. Dingo
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Ukelele Ike: This is totally my own take on this. I believe that the strip was called The Hots to give a different identity to a young New York City angst-ridden Jewish couple dealing with meddling in-laws in a comic strip than the typical young New York City angst-ridden Jewish couple dealing with meddling in-laws in a television series. Instead of Hannah being “cute for a Jewish girl” she was Hot. And Max? Only Jabba the Hut in the backroom of a bear night would find him hot but let’s give an inch and say that he was smokin’, too. I never understood why it debuted in the Chicago Tribune. We in the Midwest don’t have the love affair with all things New York that the East Coast and L.A. seems to have. Tall buildings? Got ‘em. Crooked politicians? We got you beat. Unbelievable hot dogs? A Chicago dog is like an orgasm in your mouth. Er… wait.

  180. under_score
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Mapquest made me so happy today, for it has directed me to drive through Thorp Spring, TX during my travels this weekend. Questions I hope to answer 1) are the residents square-headed gender-indeterminate aliens? 2) how do they resist the urge to keep an ‘e’ off the end of the town’s name?

  181. Ave_Destron
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    I generally don’t follow Funky Winkerbean, since I try to enjoy life. But my god, I’ve never seen a sadder looking comic then today’s.

    I’m gonna go cry now.

  182. MossMoses
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    59. Actually Motorposus, a man with a French Canadian name like Buzzard B. Trebuchet, in Lost Forest as well as in Fooblington is evil. Two Foob examples would be the evil, abusive Therese and “Les Klepfroth”. (They are either French Canadian, Cajun or both). Buzzard’s money lust, pocket pool fetish and whithered hand are sure signs of evil. Overalls are evil, too. Remember the stupid overall clad hicks who kidnapped Andy? They were evil…

  183. John C Fremont
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    The interior of Sam Hill’s airplane sure looks to be the same as that of Mark Trail’s vehicle from two days ago. Now if this were a movie as produced by Ed Wood (or even Roger Corman) I could see the logic in reusing the same set to save time and cost, but this is a comic. Surely Elrod could have at least pretended he knew the difference between the interior of a single engine plane and a 1948 Willys.

    These two interior shots almost tempted me to make a Max Headroom reference, but I refrained… kind of.

    Oh, and taking turns at the controls? I’ll never think of Mark Trail in the same way again.

  184. Trotzenbonnie
    June 6th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    FW – Chien, I feel your pain. Just because I love to listen to Pink Floyd everyone looks at me like I just mainlined marijuana. And when I walk down the street in my red rubber nose and floppy shoes they just assume that I’m going to squirt them with that big flower on my lapel. Friggin’ narrow minded bastards!

  185. Motorposus
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    I thought perhaps the tedious dialogue in 9CL and MT would be funny if I switched it around. It was a bit of work…and it isn’t particularly funny!

    I present Two Boring Conversations That Taste “Meh” Together.

  186. Paperback Rifler
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    178. Sorry, Skullturf; I’m not Canadian. I just knew of Red Rider and Tom Cochrane from folks who wanted to spread the word that there’s more to Canadian music than Bryan Adams, Anne Murray, and [involuntary shudder] Celine Dion.

    And re: 160., wow! That’s a whole lot of vitriol, True Fable; and I have to say that I wholeheartedly agree with every furious word of it.

    I’m curious if your review will inspire a rebuttal post. If it does, I hope that part of it will go something like this:

    “Well, I for one like Anthony! And by ‘like,’ I mean that he’s not that bad. And by ‘not that bad,’ I mean . . . well, ‘not that bad’ is self-explanatory, isn’t it? Because you know who was all that bad, huh? Hitler! That’s right! Hitler was all that bad! And Anthony is no Hitler; I think we can all agree on that! So that’s something that Anthony has going for him: He isn’t Hitler! You see? He’s really quite a catch if you think about it that way! So, there!”

  187. Cedar
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    #174 My mom, who is very Mira-from-FOOB-like, never let me go into ball pits when I was a kid. Germs, you know.

    But while the concept of being trapped in a ball pit made sense to me, I just didn’t understand the stilted dialouge; I mean, the joke would habe been plenty obvious with just “We’ve been going in circles!” or something, but instead we get some Close To Home style too wordy punchline spelling out the joke.

  188. Bootsy
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    #185, Motorposus, that was great. I love Mark Trail saying, “A gay Texas Baptist, built like linebacker…”

    #182, MossMoses, Klepfroth sounds German to me. Cajuns are named Theriot, Landry, Broussard, Fontenot. And those names will not be pronounced the way you might expect. The WGN commentators finally figured out how to pronounce the Cubs’ Ryan Theriot, a former LSU player.

  189. MossMoses
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    160. TF, it’s like you’re pissing on the Farley Tree. I wouldn’t myself since that saintly Foob treacle swamp is not the kind of territory I want to mark.

  190. Bill_S
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    MT: of course the dialog is stilted. What do you expect when a left cockpit door talks to a right aileron?

  191. gh
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    #187 Cedar

    I thought it kind of unlikely you didn’t get the reference. But still, lucky you *shudder*.

  192. grapesaresour
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    MT: Well I am absolutely going to say “Good. We’ll take turns at the controls!” the next time I, erm, go roadside.

  193. Aristomedes
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    127 -stinky pete

    I am so not a physicist, but my guess is that, since Sulawesi is shaped roughly like “k”, this refers to wavenumber (k = 2pi / wavelength). Why it appears where it does? The tropics where Sulawesi is found are hot, so between microwaves and toasters would be as suitable a location as I could put it. (Just guessing, here).

  194. Cedar
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Check out what Dee has to say about her and her mom and the dude she was engaged to before she met Mike

    I was engaged at the time to a boy who worked for my father. Mom thought we made a great pair and encouraged our every meeting. He came from the right family, had a degree in business and he looked good. Mother said he would make beautiful grandchildren. The fact that he was the first boy she approved of and the only real boyfriend I’d ever had, made a successful marriage unlikely.

    Seriously, Elly is totally Mira here.

  195. Motorposus
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    #188 Bootsy – You are very kind.

    #183 MossMoses – This man is decidedly evil. But don’t you feel a little bit sorry for him, with his wee shriveled hands and all?

    #42 Evan – The only thing better than a Comics Curmudgeon is a Comics Comma Curmudgeon.

  196. The G-Man
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    I notice nobody has clued in on what’s clearly in Dagwood’s horoscope. I figured it out thanks to Christopher (#44).
    Dagwood, you see, spent some time in his younger years traveling through New England in the years before he met Blondie. The horoscope said, cryptically to those not freakishly preserved unnatural artifacts from the thirties, “Dunwich repeats itself. Seek out old friends, and avoid major financial transactions without careful consultation.” How else can we explain the nonsense he spews about “filing an exemption,” or the insane fear gripping the very roots of his hair. Clearly, he saw it, and some primal part of his brain remembers

  197. Motorposus
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Oops. That should have been #182.

  198. Josh Millard
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    “What’s wrong, Tommie? You’re white as a sheet exactly the same skin tone as me!”

  199. Vince M.
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    MT – I don’t care how much clunky, awkward innuendo is laced into the script, in my head this strip ALWAYS sounds like ‘Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom’.

  200. Uncle Lumpy
    June 6th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    #193 Aristomedes -

    Sulawesi has figured in xkcd before. Beyond that, I got nothin’.

  201. The G-Man
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Also, I laugh at F Minus nearly every day.

  202. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    #195 — Now a tune by Culture Club is running around in my head. “Comma comma comma comma, comma curmudg-ee-on.”

    The only thing I ever knew about Sulawesi is you sometimes see it mentioned in descriptions of coffee.

  203. Jesshelga
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    I can’t be too sure, but I think that flirty, flirty Sam is The Baroness’ cousin or something. Watch out, Mark Trail! She will fly you to Cobra Commander’s secret hideout! Who will fight Buzzard then?

  204. Keg of Curd
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Lo: there’s been a very NSFW Cassandra Cat pr0n update (full-color Sunday edition style).

  205. Dingo
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    I couldn’t pass up today’s Mark Trail (NSFW).

  206. Jamus The Bartender
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook.
    Today’s Lesson: Why Do We Get Married.
    There seems to be some discussion here about why anyone gets married. Some do it to keep from being a “bad girl”, like what seems to be happening to this Shawna-Marie person. Hell, right there the name is a tipoff. It’s like a good friend of mine once said:”Bad goils is pregnant. Good goils is expecting” And better late than never, I always say. Some do it for the presents, some, like me, simply did it to keep Tess quiet…so much for that idea…and some do it for the Ordained By Christ Nookie.
    But, i’m here to tell you one and all right now.
    It’s ALWAYS for your mother.
    Your mother, who spent long hours in the delivery room trying to squeeze you out of a very small birth canal. Hurts too, from what i’m told.
    Your mother, who always had a nice Sunday dinner ready at six on the dot, even if you were bleeding from multiple shotgun wounds.
    Your mother, who first taught you how to clean a 38 service revolver, and use it to knock some sense into a punk who really deserved it.
    Your mother, who sheltered you from the police and those pains-in-the-ass from Internal Affairs who wanted you for a crime you’re pretty sure you didn’t commit.
    C’mon. It’s just one lousy day.
    Liz knows what she’s talking about.
    Hell, I may go up to see her if this latest junket to Washington goes where I think it’s gonna go. So she’s a little big in the hips. Nothin’ wrong with that. Makes birthin’ babies that much easier.
    You’re okay in my book, Liz.
    Anyway, the ol’ detective is a little out of his element talking about marriage and such. Had a kid captured by a crazy photographer once. Choppers in the mountains and everything. Christ almighty what a fucking mess that was. Next time it’ll be more of showing how to wrangle a confession without leaving marks and “The Evidence Locker: Your One Stop Shopping Place” Until then, this is the ol’ detective…
    Dick Tracy.
    Telling you hippies what CIA stands for.

  207. Jamus The Bartender
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    179. It’s okay Dingo. As a former Chicago native, i’m with you on the dog thing.

  208. MonkeyHawk
    June 6th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    #186 — Paperback Rifler imagined a “Comics Alert!” rebutal thusly:

    “I for one like Anthony! And by ‘like,’ I mean that he’s not that bad. And by ‘not that bad,’ I mean . . . well, ‘not that bad’ is self-explanatory, isn’t it? Because you know who was all that bad, huh? Hitler! That’s right! Hitler was all that bad! And Anthony is no Hitler; I think we can all agree on that! So that’s something that Anthony has going for him: He isn’t Hitler! You see? He’s really quite a catch if you think about it that way! So, there!”

    But ya know something? If Anthony-as-the-Canadian-Hitler became the FOOB story line, I’d lobby for a continuation after September!

    He’s got the makings of the moustache.

  209. Little Guy
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    209: Don’t…. don’t do this….. great. Now I have an image of Elly calling Anne Frank a “spoiled princess” and a “pouty face” because she doesn’t want to move to that nice spacious camp out east….

    One ticket, please.

  210. Motorposus
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    #54 True Fable – I applaud your 25,000-word FBoFW rant and 1-star rating at Comics Alert. I was also very tickled by the 5-star ratings that followed. Meaty commentary such as “Fun” and “I lov this comic” really made me look at the world in a whole ‘nother way.

    MW: A++++
    MT: Awesome!
    JP: U R the Gr8est!
    AG3: Hoo!

  211. O’Fogeyette
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    And now it’s off to the final game of the World Series! Tomorrow, back to normal snarking, I hope.

  212. gnome de blog
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    BB: It would be funnier if Miss Buxley were going into Halftrack’s office.

    MT:: In case it hasn’t been said before, the only instrument they’re talking about is Mark’s joystick.

    FW: Goth girl didn’t get invited to Shawna-Marie’s weeding. She’s so desperate to wear her apricot Scarlett O’Hara dress with a crinoline and a huge butt-bow that she’s stooping to maneuver Geeky Loser-Boy into asking her to the prom.

  213. Ukulele Ike
    June 6th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Jym, thank you for the “The Hots” link in yesterday’s thread — it explained a lot, and I’m sorry I thought the creators were irresponsible greedheads — and Dingo, thank you for your thoughtful exegesis in #179. I also thought it weird that it ran in Chi and not NY. And I’d give my left tit for a Vienna Beef frank on a poppy roll with all the fixins’ right about now, even though I still love Nathan’s of Coney Island.


  214. willethompson
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    #208 MonkeyHawk! I invoke Godwin’s Law on your simioavian butt! heeheehee

  215. Scherzo
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    C’mon Pete! Ask her to the Prom, already!

  216. Hitler
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    #214 wille -

    That’s nothing but a crude attempt to shut down legitimate discourse.


  217. Dean Booth
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Great snarking, all.

    #32 Nice one, wille. btw, what fonts do you use?

    #92. Thanks pesch. I could hear Bacall and Bogart as I read.

    #204. Keg, that’s awesome!

    #205. Dingo, Looks like you’ve designed a bird-proof plane.

    FOOB: When I read the “for my mom” line this morning, I imagined the simultaneous horror and disdain of CCers all over the world.

    TDIET: I don’t need to eat a bowl of Barf Bits to know it’s Barf Bits.

  218. Ukulele Ike
    June 6th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    #206 Jamus: Major kudos to ya for the “Crewy Lou” reference.

  219. athena
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    #98: We pronounce “naughty” and “knotty” quite differently where I grew up. Then again, I grew up in Philadelphia, where we drink warter and watch the Iggles.

  220. True Fable
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    #210 Moss Moses – oh, my comment was the most recent one! All those other “I lov how real this comic is… People can really relate to it..” type posts were made before my massive blowout.

    Bwahaha. I was in a fiesty mood earlier today and spoilin’ for a dust-up. I do wonder if anyone else is going to agree with me, or just baaa with the other sheep.

    Make that, buzz with the other grinding bees.

  221. Christian
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    “The sad thing is that this game of misery one-upmanship is what passes for flirting in Funky Winkerbean. At least nobody’s thrown up on anybody yet.”

    There’s, um, another way of flirting? That must be what I’ve been doing wrong – “Its lucky I haven’t pulled a Columbine yet” is one of my standard pick-up lines.

    I really wish I was joking.

  222. alamo
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    fw — goth girl can’t get asked to the prom as it might lead one to think there exists hope in this bleak place. but on the other hand it definitely could generate a situation of extreme pathos as they both die durng the last dance when she pulls a murder/suicide thus fulfilling everyone’s low expectations of her..

  223. Christian
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Er, what I meant to say is that the ‘flirting’ in FW rings true for a certain subset of the population.

  224. Frank Parsnip
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Yes, I too enjoy flying planes. But I find sometimes it’s a rather pedestrian joy compared to the utter thrill of flying geese. You should try that sometime.”

    Sam: “Yes… I should.”

  225. Jamus The Bartender
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    218: Thanks, Ike. Check out the next thread if you haven’t already. I think I do most of my best work on the fly…

  226. Cornwhacker
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    86-7 SecretMargo– I meant to say this when I checked in earlier today: thanks for the link! With this and the swanky Zippy the Pinhead song I downloaded the other day, I just might have to make a comics-themed mix CD.

  227. Cornwhacker
    June 6th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

  228. commodorejohn
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    BB – That first panel is priceless out of context.

    Crock – The Home Depot was at the same mall as the Michaels’ where Seymour got his buttons.

    Curtis – Curtis, you little bastard! You’re a hundred times the menace Dennis ever was! Also, get ready for this to turn into a Disney Channel afterschool movie wherein the class organizes an effort to stop the budget cuts.

    DTM – Speaking of Dennis, he’s utterly failing at menacing today. Geez, Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn could play hooky and go fishing with more menace, and that was in the 1850s!

    DT – The car has a license plate that says “Dick” and features a complex glyph that could conceivably be interpreted as an obscene picture. Is this Tracy’s car, or are we just getting guest writing from Gil Thorp?

    FOOB – True Fable beat me to most of the commentary and the Fiddler On The Roof comparison (although Tevye is about six billion times more likeable than Elly,) but my main thought today is that, in Lynn’s world, there seem to be two options for couples: get married in a “traditional” fashion (by which we of course mean Anglo-American tradition and Western tradition in a larger sense; for all the praise LJ probably got for Mtigwaki, she’s completely non-multicultural in anything but the lip-service sense,) or continue as live-ins. Remember, if the cake didn’t cost three figures and the dress didn’t cost four to friggin’ rent, you’re living in sin. Honestly, when I find Mrs. Commodorejohn, we’re getting married in something so cheap and non-traditional we’ll be, like, double-plus-unmarried by her logic. Every time we have sex it’ll count for about three underaged public orgies. Finally, there’s totally a takeoff of The Wall in here somewhere. Mother, do you think I’ll wed the bum?

    FW – So…complete ostracization 24/7 by paranoid bigots is a petty gripe compared to having one’s underwear yanked over one’s head occasionally. Right. Batiuk can’t even get his tragedies straight.

    GT – Ken’s so “messed up back there” he can’t “catch anything.” You don’t even have to try looking for this stuff; in Gil Thorp, it jumps right out and grabs you by the collar.

    JP – More Neddy! More Abbey! Aaand…another strip saved to my hard drive.

    Luann – So Ben can understand the complex motivations of a mother giving up her child, but the details of the adoption system are too complicated for him to handle?

    MF – Mallard manages to not piss me off today.

    Pluggers – I’m calling foul on this. Pluggers build their own sheds with $200 worth of two-by-fours and plywood.

    TDIET – “Barf Bits.” Barf Bits. This strip is so alien Cthulhu reads it and gets nightmares.

  229. Buck Ripsnort
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    BB: Wait– if the general isn’t wearing pants (obviously), does the knotty/naughty pun mean he’s somehow tied his genitals into a knot?

  230. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    Oh, this is just too sad. Now the guy who looks like about a dozen washed up politicians has to face the open contempt of the crew of his chartered boat. Will Stripeypants have to rescue him after he despairs of life and throws himself into the briny?

  231. Buck Ripsnort
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    SFox That putz inside sees a raccoon not only bigger than his dog, but bigger than his dog’s HOUSE, and he’s smiling? He won’t be smiling when that ungodly beast kicks in the door and SEXUALLY SATISFIES HIS WOMAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!

  232. ltrftp(not so first time)
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    29 Smacky:
    Have you ever considered a 2nd career as a counselor on a suicide hotline?

  233. ltrftp(not so first time)
    June 6th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    Your own or others? Or are you a tailor with a really niche market segment?

  234. Jamus The Bartender
    June 6th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    233. I should have said “Best work under pressure”. I can’t sew worth a damn. My fly or others.

  235. naugahyde
    June 6th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Goth Prom Hater Chick has Grossie’s Lips!
    Josh, you wrote extensively (and eloquently I might add…) about Grossie’s lips – can’t believe you didn’t comment about GPM’s lips today… oh well that’s what we’re here for.

  236. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    June 7th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    Spider-Brick, under_score, queek, Cedar, and Ukele Ike,

    Thanks for the kind words guys. I mean I know I’ve probably dilluted the waters by revealing I post here, but, um…well, whatever. :D

    But thanks. It’s much appreciated.

    We knew when we launched we’d have a few obstacles to overcome, but between you guys, the feedback we’re getting on our myspace page , the frequency with which our Wikipedia entry gets updated (and how quickly it got put up [Thanks FenristheWolf!]) and the love we’re feeling from Kevin Smith fans after our News Askew story we seem to be doing ok. :)

    But…don’t be afarid to trash the comic too. (Geek alert!) I’m a long standing defender of Kyle Rayner on the DC Comics MB’s (end ‘Geek alert!’) and have been reading this blog for about 2 years now, so I can take it…and if I can’t I’ll just weep quietly to myself. ;)

    Thanks again!

  237. Christian
    June 7th, 2007 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    “fw — goth girl can’t get asked to the prom as it might lead one to think there exists hope in this bleak place. but on the other hand it definitely could generate a situation of extreme pathos as they both die durng the last dance when she pulls a murder/suicide thus fulfilling everyone’s low expectations of her..”

    Nah, a tragic last scene murder suicide is way too romantic for a comic strip like this

  238. Christian
    June 7th, 2007 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    I’d also like to say that I’ve been a faithful reader of this blog from day one and I’m offended by your constant mocking of depressive misanthropes….we’re people too! Angry, depressed, hateful people – but people!

  239. Christopher
    June 7th, 2007 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    236: I still say your comic has nothing to do with manga.


    But other then that, I think it’s one of the better strips running today.

  240. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    June 7th, 2007 at 5:23 am [Reply]

    Christopher @ 239:

    “236: I still say your comic has nothing to do with manga.”


    “But other then that, I think it’s one of the better strips running today”


  241. Lurker
    June 7th, 2007 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Re: Yesterday’s FOOB. “I’d do it for my mom.” Liz, that very thought has sent many a woman down the bridal path…TO HELL.

  242. Little A.
    June 7th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    There seems to be some agreement here that FBOFW has lost some of its quality over the past year or so or two years. It used to be my favorite strip, too, for many years, and now I read it because like many of us I want to see how everything plays out from now until September, not because (to quote Holden Caulfield again) it’s so putrid I can’t take my eyes off it. It seems that Lynn may be running on empty: Shawna-Marie’s mother seems to be a duplicate of Mike’s harridan mother-in-law! Well, not so much of a manipulative woman (at least not so far, we’ve only seen her once, today). Remember Dee and Mike’s wedding rehearsals?

    And Liz seemed to have so much going for her — how did she turn out to be so much of a female shlimozel?


  243. King Folderol
    June 7th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Self absorbed? I thought it was just brain death.

    FW – What’s even sadder is that I feel like goth girl should sleep with this guy. Otherwise, I can see the dreary future of poseur lovers in college, meth addiction, a 2.3 GPA in philosophy, and the most depressing family get togethers when this kid comes home for Thanksgiving.

    MT –

    This is a nice plane, Sam.

    “It’s not a plane Mark. It’s a giant phallus. It symbolizes our love that must always remain unrequited. That, or you’re gay. You pick.

  244. LTBF
    June 7th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    Is Rudy the guy Liz kicked out when she moved in with her college boyfriend?

  245. zuashe ypst
    June 25th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    bycjohn hpyrs svcu muew nlgfawy ytlfm lhgiwmb

  246. shutters and boards
    October 28th, 2010 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Awesome read. I wish i could take recommendation like that and simply do it. instead unwell think about it for a week then forget it :( maybe i can change

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