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A poser for you

Funky Winkerbean and For Better Or For Worse, 11/4/06

So which do you prefer:

  • Teen drama that makes you want to vomit? Or…
  • Teen drama that actually involves vomiting?


230 responses to “A poser for you”

  1. Uncle Lumpy
    November 4th, 2006 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    Wait! That’s a trick question – they both make me want to vomit!

  2. Ukulele Ike
    November 4th, 2006 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Under yesterday’s entry, Marc commented “Looks as if Jess (if that is her name) is able to toss her cookies and not have mucus dripping from her nose and mouth….”

    I would like to point out that today’s action involves a pint-of-gin-in-one-swallow-induced hurl, and NOT a four AM influenza hanging-over-the-toilet-rim puke.

    Ergo, Jessica would easily be able to projectile-retch liquor and Hallowe’en candy all over Darin’s midsection, without a hot rush of magma-like vomit running up her nasal passages and dripping from her nostrils.

  3. Ukulele Ike
    November 4th, 2006 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    She’s still not gonna get that “I forgive you” kiss, though.

  4. Posthumorous
    November 4th, 2006 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    I know it’s unseemly gross, but the first time I read the FB strip, I really thought that the white liquid that appeared on Darin’s crotch was… a different white liquid than vomit.

  5. Chris
    November 4th, 2006 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    A post-puke-BJ is in Darin’s very imminent future…and, given his nerd and geek stature prior to this, that’s a huge step up.

    Well, hand job, at least. Which is highly underrated.

    My a hand other than his own, that is.

  6. Minivet
    November 4th, 2006 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Wait, that’s vomit in FW?

    Why is it… white?

  7. yaniboy
    November 4th, 2006 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Is it too much to hope that April will just snap after one more bitchy comment from Becky and beat her head in against one of the sinks?

  8. Fnord Prefect
    November 4th, 2006 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Actual vomiting never looked so appealing.

  9. Tommy Addict
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    Not sure if this was posted before, but

    Family Circus fans. Enjoy.

  10. Anonymous
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    BTW, which bathroom is this exactly? I don’t know what that silhouette on the door is supposed to be, but if you put it behind a circle with a line through it, it’s the international symbol for “no fat chicks.” Man, and I thought my high school was harsh.

  11. dramashoes
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    I am appalled at this. First Funky WInkerbean denigrates into a vomit bath. Then FBOFW spends two days portraying scantily clad preteen girls cavorting in a school bathroom. What’s next, comics? How much lower can you possibly sink? Are Curtis and his family going to spend an entire month acting out the Aristocrats Joke for Kwanzaa? PLEASE?

  12. Maughta
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    I sometimes forget that the Pattersons are perfect. And then Lynn SHOVES IT DOWN MY THROAT. No wonder there’s projectile vomiting going on. Seeing April with her face resting on the bathroom floor makes me kinda happy, though.

  13. Derelict
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    This must be part of a Zen koan. I say both and neither.

    On the other hand, the sight of April with her faced pressed against what must be a filthy public restroom floor (especially considering that this is at a high-school concert) brings to mind something like “couldn’t happen to a nicer person.”

  14. Japanese Socks
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    So apparently, Rebecca is agreeing with April. “You guys really suck, but tonight you got lucky.”

    Hopefully April is trying to suffocate her, and not hug her like we all think.

  15. JonboyDC
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Wait, is April resting her face on the floor of a public bathroom? I didn’t realize Ellie had raised her to be such a pig.

  16. JonboyDC
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    And someone should tell Becky she’s sitting on the wrong part of the toilet.

  17. RBF-at-home
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Have to agree with all re: it’s freakin’ unlikely that a teen like Apes would be so friggin’ nice to a b– like her former friend RebeccAH….

    In answer to your question Josh, I prefer doing the vomiting myself, tyvm.

    *#%PUUUUUKKKKKE*&% in cartoon language.

  18. roydrink
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    #8 –

    p.s. – make sure you check out #9′s link!

  19. RBF-at-home
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    And yes #16 Jonboy, it’s time RebeccAH learned which part of the toily is for sitting on… unless they do things differently in Canada? Eh?

  20. roydrink
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy – 4 Nov.

    Further information on Binky Boo Pretty Paws can’t be found on the Internet.

  21. Freezer
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    #5 – Jess has already tried to give Darin more than a hand job. Twice. He ran off in terror both times.

    Tells you all you need to know about Darin, I think.

  22. steven
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Rebecca is leaving one in the upper deck and Jess appears to be reliving a particularly nasty urban legend about Rod Stewart.

  23. Kevin E
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    In panel one what exactly was April hoping to get a peek at looking in like that. Just cause Becky is crying doesn’t mean she wasn’t in mid-wipe.

  24. Joe
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    “Inducing Vomit vs. Actual Vomit” reminds me of a lot of the political campaigns happening right now. Ba-zing!

  25. Islamorada Girl
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy. Marry me.

  26. AJ
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Okay, can we get back to the LizAthony thing now?!

  27. MsMolly
    November 4th, 2006 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    April, formerly the most interesting of the bland Patterson clan, proves her saintly family’s brainwashing has gotten to her anyway by going on record as the only teenager in the entire world who doesn’t dream about being famous. Or maybe it’s just because she’s Canadian?

  28. Gnarl E.
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    Re: FOOB, I’ve never seen a toilet tank like that in an institutional bathroom – Don’t they all use those tankless power-flush ones?

  29. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, that ain’t vomit and traditionally, she’s not the one who’s expected to apologize…

  30. zen velo
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    hmmm, two teenage chicks, one in leather, having hot kisses in the hallway. next thing you know they’ll be starring in a republican attack ad.

  31. Ron
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    Yes, April’s band sounded SOOOOOOO much better because her talented Uncle Phil was blowing through a beer bong. That makes so much sense.

  32. weiser
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    “So which do you prefer:
    Teen drama that makes you want to vomit? Or…
    Teen drama that actually involves vomiting?

    Rather than discuss, I would like us to “Compare and Contrast” with the use of a Venn Diagram. The area where the two circles overlap is for the features we love about both types of teen-vomit-drama. I think Uncle Lumpy’s feelings go there.

  33. weiser
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Wish I could illustrate….

  34. Genevieve
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    I think both comics made me feel like I shouldn’t be in the same room as them.
    FW also went places that I never thought possible.

  35. MossMoses
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    April is a little scat perv. There is going to be some serious tortillera action between April and Rebeccah involving diva dump. The only logical reason for April to press her face under the filthy stall door onto the urine and feces coated bathroom floor is to see Rebeccah mid wipe, post double decker loaf pinch. Rebeccah could hear her perfectly from the other side of the stall door without April humilliating herself that way so there may be some raunchy poopsex coming up on Monday.

  36. Doc Bill
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    FW: Ah, the old “I want to kiss you, but I have to vomit first.”

    Been there.

  37. Poteet
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    I was going to have a snack while reading this thread, and I’m so glad I decided against it.

  38. BethThe#20Fan
    November 4th, 2006 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Re FW: At first I thought Jess McPukey was calling him “darlin’” in the second panel. And secondly, someone should really teach her the uses of makeup. She looks like a man with a huge ass blonde wig. Even Borat wouldn’t make romance inside of her.

  39. Eric
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, Ron.

    That was so a beer bong.

    And what the hell is it with the Patterson family? “No, I don’t want to be famous with my talented band.” “No, I don’t want to live in the cool north with my hot boyfriend. Instead I want to be another suburban teacherfrau with a dorky husband.” Only Michael has any dreams of fame, but that’s ok, because his pharmacist wife is happy to keep churning out babies.

    There’s a dissertation somewhere in this, I’m sure of it.

  40. fw
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    The last panel of FOOB is just final proof that no matter what anyone tries to do to rise above the blandness, the Patterson ass wins out over all. What better place than in the toilet stall to emphasize that.

  41. Brendan
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    #30 – …please entertain me with your definition of “kiss.”

  42. Kiesha
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does April’s ass look particularly…I dunno, “juicy” in that last panel?

  43. Da Scrodfather
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Today, I’m ashamed to be a curmudgeon. You people have supposedly been reading Family Circus, FBFW, even Mallard sodding Fillmore; you should be vomit-PROOF! Granted, I’d keep diabetics away from FOOB, but haven’t your gorges been drained by One Big Happy already?

  44. LittleGuy
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    As they say on another board, #11 wins the thread.

  45. BethThe#20Fan
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Oh and I really figured this Foob storyline was going to have Rebeccuhbeckyah blaming April for her sound troubles and what not. I figured she would think April was sabotaging her career to make her look like an asshat in front of all her “peers”. But what the hell do I know? Too bad it didn’t pan out that way. And regarding April’s ass: In the words of Ricky Bobby’s son, “you have a lumpy butt.”

  46. KitsuneWarlock
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    isn’t that the most…pious and asshole-ish thing to say in that situation?

    Here’s the extended version of the above FOOB:

    “Some people are just lucky.”
    “Yes…some of us are…but your not…I am…loser.”
    [Gratutious, yet Canadian, lesbian sex scene here. Which like like an American lesbian sex scene, only with more maple leaves.]

  47. kippetje2000
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    you know, in Europe they serve their french fries with mayonaise. But I guess maybe that’s not mayo she just hurled on Darin…

  48. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    Another thought: I’m not a forensic scientist or anything, and I don’t watch them on TV either, but if Jess threw up while she was leaning in to kiss him somewhere in the vicinity of the MOUTH, shouldn’t the splatter pattern have been a little (and by “a little”, I mean “much”) higher up than it is?

  49. phil
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    gag me with a fucking spoon

  50. kippetje2000
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    higher up-chuck, maybe…

  51. elyse
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    I think that exact scene from FW was in Mean Girls ….? Is there some kind of law against that… a kind of…. copy-rights law?

  52. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    November 4th, 2006 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    And one more:

    April and Becky appear to be doing an interpretive reenactment of this great moment in professional cheerleading history

  53. sandtarts
    November 4th, 2006 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    LONG time lurker…
    There were certain “X-Files”episodes we used to describe as “no brownie” – don’t eat while you’re watching. Like this thread.
    Not that there isn’t reason to vomit. The FBOFW story is truly execrable – the implausibility, the false sanctimony, the sheer awfulness defy description. But I was wondering – since Becky is supposed to be such a big star, wouldn’t her PR flack have arranged some press coverage of the visit home? You know, teen mega-idol goes slumming. When she threw her hissyfit, wouldn’t the tabloids (The Eh-nquirer?) have had a field day? Why isn’t her manager keeping a tighter rein on her?
    It was particularly annoying that Lynn was in the middle of the heart-wreching story about Grandpa which she suddenly dropped to go to April’s stupid story. Although I have some serious issues about the grandpa story – Mrs. Grandpa had only two working brain cells which didn’t connect enough to get her to call 911 when Grandpa became catatonic, and now we’re supposed to believe she is Dana Reeve? And of course, the only reason for the story was to again show how saintly the family (even by marriage) is.
    Lynn, they’re not laughing with you, they’re laughing AT you.

  54. Ukulele Ike
    November 4th, 2006 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    AND — we’re still wondering where the Prime Rib went.

  55. zenbowl
    November 4th, 2006 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    All I know is that Mary Worth is about to have an “advice off” with the new resident: a contest to see who can destroy the most lives in a twenty-four hour period. She was just warming up with Aldo.

  56. Mr. Barkie
    November 4th, 2006 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Well Eric, # 39,

    The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, if you ask me. Those Patterson kids have a father who plays with toy trains and an uncle whose gift to music is making fart noises through a rubber tube. Oh, and don’t get me started on Mother Patterson, a frumpy bore who can make a little train cloud appear over her head when she’s pissed.

    And yet, there is hope.

    If there was sixth panel in FOOB, it might have featured hot girl-on-girl sex. But probably it would just be Shannon walking in to annouce she has to take a crap.

  57. mazeville
    November 4th, 2006 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    #43 – I am in complete agreement.

    Personally, I’m still recovered from something much grosser. When I took my toddler son to McDonalds today, I discovered the Cross Promotion O’ The Week is for the movie “Flushed Away.” Which stars a series of rats that live in the sewer. So, all Happy Meals feature sewage-type graphics and toys.


  58. MossMoses
    November 4th, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    56: Barkie:


  59. Mudman
    November 4th, 2006 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    I think (judging by her “expression” in panel 1 and 3) that April is really an inflatable doll who’s struggling to fit in with the other teens (see the “low” five she’s trying to give Becky.) The missing panel where she deflates to get under the bathroom stall door would have been brilliant!

  60. treedweller
    November 4th, 2006 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Today, Rose Is Rose takes on whatever condition Shannon has. Who would have thought it could hit you after you’re already an adult?

  61. Doug Puthoff
    November 4th, 2006 at 10:45 pm [Reply]


    GF–You know I’ve never heard of Binky Boo Pretty Paws, either. Maybe Mallard Fillmore is right: the American educational system is going off a cliff faster than Aldo K.

    Foob-FW–Is this sweeps week in the comic pages? We get one girl in a bikini (in Canada even) and two dressed as French maids–Teenagers, even. If you were a parent, would you want your kid dressed like that?

    SM–Has it ever occured to J. Jonah Jameson that the reason Parker didn’t take photos of Spidey’s battle with Doc Ock is because Peter is Spider-Man? With such intelligence about the only journalism job JJJ could get is news director of WKRP in Cincinnati.

    FC–Of course, since bananas are magical, Jerry Falwell will want to ban them.

    RMMD–After one week of seing Mrs. RMMD wait in line at the DMV, we’re going to get another week of Niki in the waiting room.

  62. Harry Paratestes
    November 4th, 2006 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    You know why Doc Ock is so pissed off at the world? Look at his hairdo in the 11/05 comics. My god, he’s got a Tupperware bowl cut. I’d be ready to kill the whole [margo]-ing world if my ‘do looked that trifling.

  63. Summerhouse
    November 4th, 2006 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – One assumes it’s all over the Lost Forest that Molly can french you over a cliff, so you can see how other bears might be interested. But now that that Snake & Jake are calling Molly a “decoy” instead of bait, I’m totally confused. A decoy? Like, how? A bear comes in, closes his eyes, and then Jake runs in and tongues him?

  64. Marc
    November 4th, 2006 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    In panel one, everyone knows that April wants some Roadside cooch before she gets to feel up Becca’s ass.

  65. Poteet
    November 4th, 2006 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    #63 — Summerhouse, the ‘akes are thinking of Molly as an ursine duck “decoy.” The idea is that they stake her to a tree and a flock of bears passing overhead collectively look down, see Molly, assume that because a bear is tethered to a tree that the area must be safe for bears, and then glide down and crap all over the poachers’ heads as they land, heavily.

  66. sandtarts
    November 4th, 2006 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    MW – Aging, established diva threatened by devious, ambitious newcomer…fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night.

  67. Poteet
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    11/5 –

    JP — Words fail me, but I’m sure they won’t fail others.

    MW — Awww, how sweet. Tommy and Iris look just like sisters.

    RMMD — It’s not Guy Fawkes Day, it’s Demolish Niki Day!

  68. Fuzzyman
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    You know, April has kind of a nice ass.

  69. Proteus
    November 5th, 2006 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    I just don’t think we can ignore Saturday’s Blondie, with her flimsy nightgown strap slid off her shoulder like that. I mean, it just shouldn’t be, like, ingored. I mean, there she is and everything. And here we are, while she’s… there. And, well, I just thought somebody ought to say something.

    (attempts to hide)

  70. BewaretheCreeper
    November 5th, 2006 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    JP Bobby and Raju best friends 4everrrrrrrrr!!!!!!. That lame wrestling bastard couldn’t even work over Raju for the outsourcing of call center jobs to India!! And to add insult to injury no sex on camera for the Judge either. From Lame to Paraplegic!

  71. blase
    November 5th, 2006 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    JP: Looks like Bobby’s literally buttered up Raju with that last remark, who’s so flattered that he does his best Chrysler Building impression.

  72. Gringo
    November 5th, 2006 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    I would make a sarcastic post complaining about the fact that the entire last week of Mary Worth (including Sunday’s strip) has revolved around Iris telling Mary how surprised she is at Tommy’s personality change, but this is Mary Worth…the land that pacing forgot.

  73. Marion Delgado
    November 5th, 2006 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    #61 Falwell has a point, here:

    “Show us with the dolls how the man taught you bananas are magic, Jeffy!”

  74. Some Guy Here
    November 5th, 2006 at 4:04 am [Reply]

    The way I see it, both can definately involve both. Maybe Becky was so disgusted with the transpiring events that she decided to vomit in the crapper before brooding over it, and I must admit Funky Winkerbean’s teen-centric story lines do tend to bring up a little regurgitation in my gullet.

  75. Joe D.
    November 5th, 2006 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    #28 — it’s canada.

  76. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    November 5th, 2006 at 6:28 am [Reply]

    Vomiting on a pile of McFries seems properly symbolic, considering they may be full of trans fats.

    The complaint of white vomit goes a bit too far–if it was black, what would it look like? or Chunky?

    In researching off the wall strips, there are 4 of them in the New York Daily News…GIRLS AND SPORTS, which has no humor or humanity, consisting of guys watching tv or showing up at a bar. It does appear to be better drawn than CATHY (almost).

    F MINUS, which is below the art and writing of CATHY.

    And FLIGHT DECK. CATHY is also there in all of its…whatever.

  77. Adam G
    November 5th, 2006 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop in FW. There is just absolutely no way in hell that Popular Cheerleaders’ attractions to Huge Nerd can be anything but a vast and elaborate set-up.

  78. Kate
    November 5th, 2006 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    This Sunday’s FBOFW is about shitting, and how John reads on the toilet. A couple of weeks ago, Elly was twiddling a chin hair.

    In the middle of my life, I came to a dark wood.

  79. Len
    November 5th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    The Sunday Nature Extravaganza in Mark Trail has not come up yet. What happened? Jack Elrod ran out of critters he could expond upon?

    More about Nature can be found on the Internet.

  80. Backward-curving horny papillae ripped my flesh
    November 5th, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Busty teenage chicks in halter tops hugging in a toilet? Hey, I’m on it!

  81. Doug Puthoff
    November 5th, 2006 at 9:39 am [Reply]


    RMMD–YOU! (Cue “Dragnet” theme) The good news is we won’t have to put up with a week of Niki in the waiting room. The bad news is I get the feeling Niki is about to get his second smackdown in the past 24 hours.

    MW–Why do i get the feeling that the Charterstone Gang of Four is about to pull an intervention on Ella. Just remember, Ella, Johnnie Walker and the internal combustion engine don’t mix.

    Yenny–Since Yenny is 22, I feel less guilt ogling her than I do in ogling Rebekah (Foob) and Jessica (FW).

  82. TurtleBoy
    November 5th, 2006 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Mary’s gonna crack open a can o’ whoop-ass big enough to feed a family of four for a month. I can’t wait to see her channel the Anime-like atavistic rage she showed to Aldo a few months back.

    I am the one true Busybody of Charterstone, I am the Bland, the Banal, the Trite. All others shall bow low before me…”

  83. Summerhouse
    November 5th, 2006 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Wow, check out Sunday’s Phantom! I love the next to the last panel where the chief tells him to be Ghost-Who-Shuts-The-Hell-Up. We don’t get to see that often enough.

  84. Christopher
    November 5th, 2006 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore: Okay, what story won’t you hear in the liberal media? The one about how guns can be utilised for self-defense purposes?

    Other stories you won’t hear in the liberal media:

    This just in! Shoes protect your feet from the elements!

    Scientists tell us that books contain symbols that represent things and ideas!

    Tonight’s top story, Mallard Fillmore is still lame!

    And you know what? I call bullshit on the idea that you won’t hear about these kinds of things in the liberal media. Unless you live in a huge city, a person fending off a mugger is going to be a story on the nightly local news, and if you live in a small town, it’ll almost certainly be a front-page story in the newspaper.

    I would think it would be obvious why the national media wouldn’t pre-empt their coverage of Iraq for a story about how a person used a handgun to scare a mugger.

    Also, is filled with imbeciles, and maybe… oh… two people who rise to the level of average.

    It freaks me out a mainstream conservative would link to them.

    Heart of the City: Dean has the same Obsessive Compulsive disorder I do.

    Prickly City: No, they aren’t. Next question please.

  85. Laura
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Oh, Bobby and Raju. Your love affair may seem charmed in the the artful glow of the porchlight, but I fear Bobby’s wrestling buddies won’t be quite so taken with Raju’s self. They’ll only see the geeky side, not the romantic guy exchanging sweet nothings under the starry sky, while Sam watches and reminisces about his own carefree homoromantic youth before glumly wandering inside to not have sex with his wife.

  86. Weasel Boy
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: In panel two, Rebecca looks like Courtney Love at the Pamela Anderson roast.

  87. Tommie’s Dream ”Date”
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Surely Mary Worth will try to get Ella to use her psychic powers to communicate with Dr. Jeff.

    While Abbey is lolling about suggestively on the bed, Sam decides to go take a gander at the wrestling team on the porch. What’s a girl gotta do to get this guy’s attention?

    Is that Warren Buffett in the loft with LuAnn? Will Margo have a stroke when he makes LuAnn rich?

  88. Ohyes
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s A3G – A3G itself has become a ghost. Even curmudgeons have no interest in it this week. A stack of clean laundry was the dramatic highpoint. And someone said hello from the hallway!

    You see, Tommie, NOT having sex can also have sad consequences.

  89. Summerhouse
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    #65 Poteet – LOL! Whatever the ‘akes plan is, as long as it doesn’t hurt Molly and it lets me see her sweet face, I’m ok with it. The more screen time she gets, the sooner the strip is called “Molly and Mark”, and then just “Molly.” (With special guest star Andy.)

  90. John C Fremont
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    JP – So Sam could be getting it on with a hot redhead, but instead he’s going to bed in his jammies while carrying a plate of cookies. WTF?

  91. Harry Paratestes
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    I’m hoping against hope that Lynn Johnston will be hanged alongside Saddam Hussein for ‘crimes against humanity ‘ owing to her foobery.

  92. jonnya
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    FOOB- Looks like ol’ Doc Patterson could show Rebbeca a thing or two about proper toliet use.

  93. Pretend2benormal
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Foob – Anybody besides me notice the mysterious red orb circling the dogs in the second panel? Any wish to enlighten me on the subject?

  94. parkyakarkus
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    For the dissenting view…
    #45: I protest! April has a perfectly fine butt. I invite you compare her behind in panel# 5 to that of Miss Sally Todd, Playboy’s Playmate of the Month, February 1957.
    See? Perfection!

  95. Johnny Q
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I’ll bet Tommy has carved out a space inside his Bible for hiding a knife, like in THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION.

    Mallard Fillmore: I suppose he got the idea from that Monty Python skit where the soldier was showing recruits how to fend off attacks by someone with a banana.

    Funky Winkerbean: She was drinking white paint.

    Finally, a minute of silence for the MARK TRAIL Sunday. That strip has gone the way of MANDRAKE THE MAGICIAN and is now dailies only. I remember reading those nature mini-documentaries when I was a kid.

  96. John C Fremont
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    #95 – Mark Trail – Really? Is that officially no longer to run on Sundays? That was such an integral part of my childhood. A jaw-dropping, mind numbing part that left me going “What the hell?” but integral none the less. I’m sad. Not “Aldo’s dead” sad, but still. Well, maybe not so sad after all… but I had just come up with the brilliant plan to put internet trivia on licorice packages so that we could all say that more information about the internet can be found on licorice packages. This kind of takes away the joy. Or something. Crap, now I’m late for work. I’ve got shoes to sell. (How I wish that weren’t true – the part about selling shoes, that is.)

  97. quack that echoes
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    #84 Also: you won’t often hear about how a criminal took someone’s gun away and used it to turn a petty crime into a homicide.

    Unless one of the involved parties is a congressman or a musician-diva.

  98. Uncle Lumpy
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    In panel 3 of Sunday’s Mary Worth, it looks like they finally caught that Cameron creep. Thought he could elude Santa Royale’s finest by shaving the chinbeard and dropping 75 pounds, but detectives just followed the string of bored-to-death corpses.

    Back at Charterstone, BB Shell is getting ready to step out, delinting her best aquamarine track suit and fist-pumping, “Yes!” First stop – Carlos Alora!

  99. RoboMax
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Anyone else notice that there’s never an actual….you know, JOKE, in Funky Winkerbean?

    I think Funky Winkerbean is actually a french existentialist play told in comic form.

  100. Ohyes
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    JP – On October 9, Sam arrived home to find Abbey looking sultry with a drink and saying to him, “We’re completely alone… We have the whole palce to ourselves.”

    On November 6, they get into bed together, that same night. Maybe four hours has passed, in four weeks.

    But so much has happened… Raju went to a party and hooked up with some guy. But the real story would be what Neddy got into, once she ditched her sister (and that preening cockblocker Bobby) by sending her home with Raju.

  101. Anonymous
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    #84 (Chris) And I find it odd that Tinsley can’t depict a gun, but can draw a dildo. What is that thing in the first panel? Steely Dan?

    Honkin’ on bobo, indeed.

  102. King Folderol
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    In my paper, FW comes first, so I thought nothing could be worse than seeing what looks like all of Jessica’s pus oozing off of Darin’s costume. However, FBOFW’s awful conclusion to this train wreck of a storyline forced me to duplicate Jessica’s display (minus the vodka chugging).

    The combination of these two strips makes me wish I could go on the run with Ted and Sally Forth, disguised as the Chadwells.

  103. jouster
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I just don’t think we can ignore Saturday’s Blondie, with her flimsy nightgown strap slid off her shoulder like that. I mean, it just shouldn’t be, like, ignored…..

    Glad I’m not the only one to have noticed.

    Dgwood sure didn’t; he’s off to make a sandwich. Or maybe he just needs a suger/carb rush for the impending bacchanalia…

  104. jouster
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I just don’t think we can ignore Saturday’s Blondie, with her flimsy nightgown strap slid off her shoulder like that. I mean, it just shouldn’t be, like, ignored…..

    Glad I’m not the only one to have noticed.

    Dagwood sure didn’t; he’s off to make a sandwich. Or maybe he just needs a suger/carb rush for the impending bacchanalia…

  105. Anonymous
    November 5th, 2006 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Whoa. Apparently little Hekkie (or whatever that kid’s name is) mixed a hummer with a volkswagon.

    (Holy Mackerel, A RMMD/TDIET/BC combo-joke! I rule!)

  106. jouster
    November 5th, 2006 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been a grammar and spelling Nazi in the past, so apologies for “suger” sugar…..

  107. Poteet
    November 5th, 2006 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #95 — Johnny Q — Thanks for the info. I’m sad.

  108. MonkeyHawk
    November 5th, 2006 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Thank goodness the Sunday Mark Trail didn’t die until it told us where we could find more information about licorice.

  109. bradles
    November 5th, 2006 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    FOOB gets more and more ‘Full House’ with each storyline. Cue the cheesy piano chords and get me Bob Saget!

  110. Proteus
    November 5th, 2006 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Ohyes – Thanks for counting. So this month long evening of Sam NOT screwing his wife, who is so clitomaniacal that she’s making eyes at everything from Raju to rat poison, doesn’t this agonizing month follow just ONE STORYLINE DAY after Sophie got to watch Nedd’s boyfriend put his tongue were it didn’t belong and then boyfriend and Sam agreed Neddy should go to France and Raju showed up, killed the rats and got into his fruit suit while, offstage, Abby and Neddy agreed that Abby should get on the plane I think tomorrow morning with Neddy and her brand new revealing clothing that they can’t or won’t show us but which was Sophie’s blackmail ticket to the party…

    (panting with exertion)

    Umm.. let’s see. What was my question? I think it was about the DMV, but I’m not sure.

  111. MossMoses
    November 5th, 2006 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Aren’t reports of Sunday Mark Trail’s demise a little premature? It was in today’s WaPo, as usual.

    Mary Worth is way more clairvoyant than the new biddy. She knows a con when she sees one and noone is going to win a meddling pissing contest with that busybody hag.

  112. White Rabbit
    November 5th, 2006 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to recommend a strip I find reliably good. I haven’t seen it mentioned here, and that’s The Piranha Club by Bud Grace. It’s about the activities of a club of con men and swindlers, and some of their relatives. Sample gag: Two guys holding a cat knock on a door, a woman answers, “We’re from Aid for Homeless Cats, and we’d like to help all the homeless cats in town, but it costs money. Won’t you please help?” She says, “Yes, I will!”, grabs the cat and slams the door. In the last panel the guys are sitting in a bar and one of them says, “Damn cat cost me five dollars.” It’s worth looking for.

  113. Tekende
    November 5th, 2006 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    #65 needs to be COTW. Hilarious.


    RMMD: Please, please, God, let June beat the crap out of that kid. It would be awesome.

    FC: Ha! Look at the dad, with that mean smile on his face. Oh, he told that kid off, all right.

    MW: Why did they have to use a Sunday strip to tell us exactly what they’ve been telling us for the past six days? *sigh*

    A3G: Ghosts! Next week–guest appearances by Scooby and the gang.

  114. blase
    November 5th, 2006 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    #90: As discussed in an earlier thread, Sam’s one of those 1950′s-style replicants they use in comic strips to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys. They still do 1950′s-style things like wear jammies to bed. …And they never had sex. People didn’t have sex in the 1950′s — all those babies came from Sears.

  115. Sheilagh
    November 5th, 2006 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Okay, two things:

    MW: Has it occurred to anyone that we now have a PSYCHIC meddler in Charterstone? Someone who could, say, CHANNEL ALDO from beyond the grave? How cool is that??? I can’t wait to dry my tears and find out whether he really DID kill his wife!!!

    RMMD: Now wait just one cotton-pickin’ second. When June’s purse was snatched, various people asked her who snatched it, and she COULDN’T DESCRIBE HIM because he had like a balaclava on. And now she sees him in the waiting room and recognizes him instantly? How the hell did she do THAT? (Is the timeline in these freakin’ stories soooooo slooooow that the writer forgets what happened on, like, the previous day????)

    Okay, I’m done.

  116. Sheilagh
    November 5th, 2006 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Oooh, or the psychic could channel DOCTOR JEFF! “Having… tons of… hot sex in Cambodia… why did I ever waste time with that old bag back in the States…” Wouldn’t THAT put a firecracker up Mary’s ass!

  117. Sheilagh
    November 5th, 2006 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    P.S. I guess I wasn’t done :-)

  118. PInk Haired Girl
    November 5th, 2006 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    It’s gonna be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  119. Cornwhacker
    November 5th, 2006 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    doesn’t this agonizing month follow just ONE STORYLINE DAY after Sophie got to watch Nedd’s boyfriend put his tongue were it didn’t belong and then boyfriend and Sam agreed Neddy should go to France, and Raju showed up…?
    Okay, now I had to go check.There was one day in between, where Neddy said goodbye to her boyfriend (named Bob, much like Raju’s boyfriend). Sophie spent the day in school getting A-plusses on her outsourced homework, Sam & Abbey tried to figure out why Sophie was sending money to some guy in India, and then Raju showed up. Also that day, Randy said goodbye to his CIA agent secretary and his Europe-bound ex-fiancee (maybe everyone will meet up in Paris!) and the Real Actual Judge Parker showed up twice, at lunch and dinner time, and convinced Randy to run for judge.

    JP is an experimental strip, the experiment being “how many days does it take to stretch an eventful, action-packed storyline the point where it resembles a slow, tedious one?”

  120. Johnny Q
    November 5th, 2006 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    #111: MossMoses, did you see a new Sunday or the previous day’s daily? (Where our hero says “There must be tracks leading away from here!…WHAT are they planning?”)

  121. Derelict
    November 5th, 2006 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    So this month long evening of Sam NOT screwing his wife, who is so clitomaniacal that she’s making eyes at everything from Raju to rat poison…

    Yes, but when she finally does get some, her orgasm will twitch siesmometers through the Western hemisphere.

  122. Woodrowfan
    November 5th, 2006 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    since this is Funky Winkerbean I suggest that Jess’s throwing up is an early warning sign of cancer. Never underestimate the ability of FWB to put its characters through a living hell. It’s part of Funky the way big sandwiches are a part of Blondie.

  123. Woodrowfan
    November 5th, 2006 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    If number #63 isn’t among this week’s COW finalists then we have proof this whole thing is fixed and Josh works for Diebold.

  124. Harry Paratestes
    November 5th, 2006 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    #111 & #120
    Yes, MT was in the WaPo Sunday comics (print version), and it was about lions and their habits, typical Sunday naturist fare. I think that MT’s Sunday demise is somewhat overestimated right now, though I did see that the electronic version was Saturday’s strip.

  125. Crankenstank
    November 5th, 2006 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    If it involves two girls in a bathroom stall, I’m all for it.

  126. Islamorada Girl
    November 5th, 2006 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Over in 3G, LuAnn is so stupid that she failed all her art history classes. Otherwise, she would have immediately recognized the ghost of the late artist Mark Rothko immediately.

  127. Harry Paratestes
    November 5th, 2006 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    It might also have been Mark Lombardi, Jean-Michel Frank or even Diane Arbus. And who is ‘Uncle Play-Doh’ supposed to be, anyway? Did he even introduce himself? Bastard.
    Of course, more about artists who commited suicide may be found specifically at

  128. coyote
    November 5th, 2006 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Elly is not handling menopause well; she’s yelling at the dogs for no reason whatsoever. Get a grip, woman.

  129. tropicana
    November 5th, 2006 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    So much is wrong with FBOFW today that it boggles the mind…the girls both look like hookers, Rebecca is, apparently leaving an upper decker in the toilet, and April is…a peeping tom? Someone should tell her that most people don’t like it when you look under the door of the stall like that.

  130. Merdz
    November 5th, 2006 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of things that induce vomiting, did anyone see Sunday’s DTM? HOLY CRAP! And I thought Pluggers was sexist and behind the times.

  131. Pinback65
    November 5th, 2006 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    It never gets much mention here, so I’d like to point out that today’s Mutts was both well-written–corny, yeah, but effective–and, as always with this strip, beautifully illustrated.

    (Pause. Crickets chirping.)

    Sorry, I know that’s not the tone we usually take around here, but sometimes, you gotta give the love.

  132. Emily
    November 5th, 2006 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    131: Mutts actually made me cry today, largely due to the fact that I have friends who adopted a greyhound from a similar rescue group a few years ago, and he is the sweetest dog ever. So yeah, I emailed it to them and we all got all weepy about it. Not funny, but well done.

  133. LittleGuy
    November 5th, 2006 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    Classic Peanuts: So that’s where Lifetime gets its plotlines.

  134. Summerhouse
    November 5th, 2006 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    # 69 Proteus – Did you wait and watch the board so that you could talk about Blondie while *being* number 69? Yes, I think you did.

  135. sandtarts
    November 5th, 2006 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    That was exactly my thought about RMMD. The purse snatcher’s face (not to mention the starfish hair) was never seen because of his hood. Did she recognize the highly distictive gray sweatshirt? Yeah, like that’ll hold up in court.

  136. Summerhouse
    November 5th, 2006 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    #132 Emily – I had neighbors who adopted a greyhound from a rescue group; he was incredibly gentle and loving. Mutts made me cry today, too.

  137. Ellie M.
    November 5th, 2006 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    MW Sunday comic: if I were the psychic I’d be very worried about Mary Worth coming after me. Especially since she seems to be wearing Braveheart-style warpaint in panel 6.

    Then of course, she’s a psychic so she’s already been warned…

  138. MossMoses
    November 5th, 2006 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    My favorite dog was adopted from the shelter but Mutts still seems like cutesy, sappy treacle, nonetheless. The comics really should not be a platform for shelter story sermonizing unless it’s the Gossip according to Worth. Mutts is also uber predictable and uber formulaic, up there with Cathy and Curtis in terms of recycling the same tired tripe ad nauseum.

  139. Maddux Sports Blog
    November 5th, 2006 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t realized that was supposed to be vomit.

    I loved Mutts from today.

  140. Mibbitmaker
    November 5th, 2006 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    JP: In the last panel, the part of Raju is being played by Eugene Levi. The bad news is, the football team is oblivious to SCTV. The good news, though, is that they just looooved the “American Pie” movies, so he might be in.

    …Or should the good news and bad news be reversed?…

    SM: “Forget cat and mouse— try Spider & Octopus!” Oh, strip, can I forget spider & octopus, too? Pleeeeeeeeeease??!

    Saturday’s FW: I didn’t need to see that, either, Frylock!

    Saturday’s FC: Uh-oh, Jeffy’s been listening to Donovan records again!

    Today’s FC: I was beginning to heavily sympathize with Pappa FC given Jeffy’s dismissive mamma’s boy crap, but then he started in with the snippy sarcasm, so forget it, pops!

  141. Krazy Kat
    November 5th, 2006 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    In panel two of Sunday’s FBOFW, is Ellie trying to use her psychic powers to try to control the dogs?

  142. Pinback65
    November 5th, 2006 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    138–I admit Mutts is frequently formulaic in its writing, especially the daily strips, but Patrick McConnell is still born to draw, and what’s more, he’s a student of comic strip art, as anyone who’s read his fine book on George Herriman knows. His Sunday pages–the layouts, color styling and actual drawing–are easily the best since Bill Watterson called it quits.

    It’s still weird saying nice things here, so let me just say, Foob really, really sucks.

  143. suseyblue
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    A moment of silence (& a mouth full of Hallowe’en Twizzlers) for the Sunday Mark Trail.

    Inspired by Mark, I had a drawing of a turtle published in the Pasadena Star News, 1966, & I’ve been reading it ever since.

    (‘Cappy Dick’, where art thou?)

    Wow. It is truly the end of an era.

  144. Lord Haw Haw
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    # 12 Maughta says:
    “Seeing April with her face resting on the bathroom floor makes me kinda happy, though.”

    I like to pretend that she’s looking for her toothpick.

  145. yellojkt
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    Mike Patterson is nearly finished with his Little House On The Canadian Prarie rip-off. That is when the real wretching will begin.

  146. Bill Peschel
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Yellowjkt, does this mean you’ve been reading his missives on the Web site again?

    Meanwhile, in next week’s comics, FW follows what’s-his-name in Iraq, while (in SF), Ted gets bitch-slapped by Sally’s mom.

  147. Harry Paratestes
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps if Michael could write something that could be truthfully called ‘The Best and Freakiest Little Whorehouse on the Canadian Prairie’, then his foobery might be forgiven. I doubt it will happen, though.

  148. Harry Paratestes
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Maybe we can hope for something interesting, maybe a sort of “The Graduate” in reverse: Ted, husband of Sally, gets seduced by her mother, is smitten by her sexuality, and leaves Sally to pursue the love of his life.

  149. Allie Cat
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    FW – Back in my day, a girl didn’t vomit on a man til they were married.

    Which, actually, happened about a week after I married my husband and we went on a particularly jolting carnival ride. Hideous.

  150. Jennifer
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    Is it sad and pathetic that I’ve been periodically hitting “refresh” on the homepage here for the past hour, hoping to see the COTW and runners-up?

    (And don’t tell me I’m the only one, either…)

  151. Josh
    November 5th, 2006 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Jennifer, I am too sleepy to do any new posts tonight! COTW and runners-up tomorrow morning, promise.


  152. dramashoes
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    #150: Why no, Jennifer, that isn’t sad and pathetic and all. I’ve been hitting refresh too, hoping that the FW and FBOFW at the top of this page will just go away. The vomit bothered me so much that I finally had to adblock it. Come on, FW, this is even worse than the time the lady with cancer told her husband they should have sex because “once the chemo starts, this playground is closed for repairs.” Why, Funky WInkerbean? Why?

  153. Jennifer
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Okay — reason to get up in the morning (as I approach ALDO-levels of sad/pathetic)


    In other news, I vote for a new t-shirt:
    Why, Funky Winkerbean? Why?

  154. Tonyman
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    JP – Does the writer of this strip moonlight as gift wrapper at the mall? He seems to like things all wrapped up in a nice little bow. For all the action Abbey gets from Sam…she might as well have a two-bed bedroom like the ones in those 50′s sitcoms. Hopefully, Neddy can break the Great Spencer Farms sexual drought!

  155. Poteet
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    #145 — Thanks for the reminder, yellojkt. I suggested this before, to thundering silence as I recall, but I still think that since Michael specifically said that he hasn’t thought of a title for his novel yet, we Curmudgeons ought to maybe give it a go.

    I believe Michael even said that he’s waiting for Sheilagh to give him a title (the Sheliagh in his book, not our CC Sheilagh). Good luck with that one, Mike Meanwhile, here are my tasteless ideas:





    Oops, must give credit where it’s due — Buzz Dixon suggested SNAKES ON A PLANE.

  156. Poteet
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, grammar police, forgot a period.

  157. Maughta
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    I can’t think of a phrase to describe Mike Patterson that’s better than “Turgid Prose.” Thank you, Poteet, thank you.

  158. dramashoes
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm… ourageous names for Mike Patterson’s book? Well, OK, but I’m going to pretend it’s a TV show:



    or a really obscure one:


    It’s really late, isn’t it?

  159. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 5th, 2006 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    #94: “April has a perfectly fine butt. I invite you compare her behind in panel# 5 to that of Miss Sally Todd, Playboy’s Playmate of the Month, February 1957.” Yes, but unfortunately, it’s Miss Todd’s butt today, in November 2006.

    And 156: “sorry, grammar police, forgot a period.” That’s better than Roadside RebeccaH, who missed one. (Prediction of future FOOB plot point there…)

  160. Johnny Q
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    #124: Could that have been a MT Sunday rerun?

  161. Alex Blase
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    MW – Let me be the first to say it: The lightning eminating from Mary speaks entirely for itself. That bitch Ella’s going down, Aldo-style.
    MT – I’m getting so annoyed with the Ake twins, I’m hoping that someone would just shoot them, like that kid with the gun in panel three. If Molly magically attracts other bears, though, I will no longer go to Mark Trail as my main source of information about licorice.
    SF – Is Ted’s mother-in-law worried that her daughter isn’t getting a big enough pole? Because that’s the only way I can think of to interpret that joke.
    And McCoy – What a country club conservative thinks about democracy and the average American.

  162. Audible Sigh
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    #159, I guess that explains Rebecca(h)’s increasingly protruding belly and fragile emotional state.

  163. Aaron
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:10 am [Reply]

  164. Aaron
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    Eh? That was supposed to start with a link to 11/6′s RMMD.

  165. suseyblue
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    OMG, Raju- Fastest enrollment cum scholarship that has ever happened in real life OR Comic World. (Is THAT what they were doing on the porch? I am sorely disappointed, almost as much as Abbey.)

    The writers of MW really do read here. Mary is getting ready to lay a silver beaver smackdown on Ella. Sweet.

  166. Ron
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    “Wow, check out Sunday’s Phantom! I love the next to the last panel where the chief tells him to be Ghost-Who-Shuts-The-Hell-Up.”

    Even better is the promise in the last panel: “Next: And With Mozz!” He was looking for the Ghost Who Walks and then he found the Ghost Who Walks, and heaven knows he’s miserable now!

  167. Alex Blase
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    OK, I shouldn’t even be up this late but today’s Mallard Fillmore has me wrankled, just as I said that it shouldn’t bother us because he’s an establishment nutjob who hates America and democracy.
    But today’s is awful (I know, I know, he’s said that homophobia is awesome and black people are as dumb as turnips, but this is awful in a different way). It is a clear attempt, much more than McCoy’s political cartoon, at voter suppression. For some reason, the duck who thinks “average Americans need a break, not a lecture” decided to lecture average Americans on why they shouldn’t vote. This is further proof (is any more needed?) for me that conservatives are truly bothered by democracy, but even more importantly, I wonder if it’ll actually convince anyone not to vote. Could there be people who for the first time want to get involved in the civic process (not many at a midterm, but I’m sure some) who see this cartoon and think Well, maybe it is better if I sit this one out.
    I suppose that Tinsley wouldn’t have done this comic if he didn’t think it’d work. Then again, he thinks that free markets work to solve racism and that the Iraq war is going well.

  168. Klipper
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth seems to have gone into some sort of white-light emitting, epileptic fit. “You mean she may busy-body me?! I. Feel. White-hot rage!”

  169. Merdz
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    I hear ya, Blase (167). It disgusts me that Mallard Fillmore is making an attempt at voter suppression… but at the same time, it warms the little cockles of my heart that the best that the reactionary, neocon nutjobs can muster at this point is to tell people not to vote.

    You may notice that this last month’s mallardf*cker was strangely devoid of election-related content. Even Prickly City’s stance was that they were already sick of the election talk. You know you’re screwed when you’re a partisan political comic and you’d rather pretend there weren’t elections at all.

    Anyone looking for a bus to the polls on Tuesday in Seattle, holler.

  170. Tekende
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    167, 169:

    So…you want people who have no clue what is going on or who anyone on the ballot is to vote? That doesn’t make sense to me.

    I don’t care which side you take, if you know what’s going on in the country and what you’re actually voting on, then VOTE. But if you don’t have a clue, don’t vote, no matter which party you support.

    Seems reasonable to me, but whatever.

  171. Marion Delgado
    November 6th, 2006 at 4:46 am [Reply]

    I think Rex Morganville adjoins Summer RestDale or wherever Charterstone is … poor Nikki is going to run out the door and fall into a yawning chasm, just like Aldo did.

    then june, rex, adam and lily will cut up at the funeral. mom and boyfriend will panhandle throughout the service.

  172. Sheilagh
    November 6th, 2006 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    I just realized what it is about Uncle Phil, in FOOB — he looks EXACTLY like a Muppet.

  173. ZacWilliam
    November 6th, 2006 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    Maybe I watch too much anime, but I think Mary’s white hot flaming aura in Monday’s strip means she’s about to power-up to “Busy-body Stage 2″ (a giant geriatric white-ape with even greater destuctive power) for the confontation with her new archenemy: a busy-body who actually *helps* people rather than gets them killed.

  174. Harold
    November 6th, 2006 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    #168, I think Mary Worth’s body temperature has just dropped a few degrees below freezing, and we’re seeing water vapor condensing out of the air. I expect the next daily will open with her holding Iris in the air by the throat, Darth Vader-style, while the child and his mother seen in panel 1 lie crumpled against the wall, collateral damage of Mary Worth’s uncontrollable rage.

    Perhaps faithful Mallard Fillmore fans will only see the words in large type and stay the hell home tomorrow. Any who do choose to go to the polls should engage in some Tinsley-inspired civil disobedience and refuse to wear their seatbelts.

  175. Summerhouse
    November 6th, 2006 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    MW – I think if you dropped the Waring blender Mary uses to pulp all her food into the tub Mary uses to soak her cellulitis-stricken legs, she could not be more shocked than she is by the suggestion that SHE might benefit from someone else’s advice. What the hell is that Iris thinking?

  176. MonkeyHawk
    November 6th, 2006 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    So who’s going to win the election — tomorrow — between “Not the Marrying Kind” Randy and the Cigar-Sucking Fat Cats?

    Golly, what an exciting story line that’s been!

    Molly doesn’t understand why she hasn’t received any robo-calls.

  177. mdrew
    November 6th, 2006 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    FW- Aunt Sassy!!!

  178. John C Fremont
    November 6th, 2006 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Since no one else has said it, I guess it’s up to me – Back door!

    Gee, typing the sound of stunned silence is harder than I thought.

  179. Lyman Returns
    November 6th, 2006 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Wait, I think I can see where FBOFW is going…Rebecca’s band let her down, so she’s going to kick them all to the curb, and then she will need a new band…who will she call upon? That’s right, 4 Evah and Eva! Your favorite teenage garage band, dropping the ‘d’ from the end of the word ‘and’ since 2004! What remains to be seen is if Eva and Rebecca would share lead vocal duties (like Wilson Philipps, or Hall and Oates, or the Indigo Girls) or will one teenage diva have to be relegated to backup singer status? I will wait in baited breath, anticipating the drama of this impending storyline…only, not really.

    I agree that we FW readers are expecting the “other shoe to drop” in FW, that the popular cheerleader chick is going to lay some cruel “Carrie”-style pranks on Darin. But I think that the other shoe has been waiting to drop for so long it’s defying gravity on its own. I mean, Darin and Blondie have been together since, what, 2003?

  180. Jennifer
    November 6th, 2006 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Yes, is this some new form of swearing? An inverse of sh*t?

    My first reaction was to be happy he’d so kindly informed June where he was heading. The manners on that kid. Lovely. Skank-mom must’ve done something right.

    Either that or it’s a cunning plan to fake her out, and he’s really going to the side door…

  181. Dennis Jimenez
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    MW – This gated community ain’t big enough for two meddling busybody advice slingers.

  182. Justafoob
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    All Foobs look like muppets.

    Especially Gwampa the Drooler.

  183. Ohyes
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    MT – “A pet bear – that will make a good story! If I draw a cute bear face! Did I say that out loud, just now?” – Jack Elrod

  184. Poteet
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    RMMD — Am I the only one who finds June unexpectedly terrifying, with her flying fingers obviously itching to throttle Niki until his face turns purple and his tongue bulges out? Not that it wouldn’t be awesome if she did.

    FW — I hate you all for forcing me to start reading this strip. I have no idea what’s going on and it’s already depressing me.

    JP — I know I’m gonna be sorry I asked, but wasn’t there a storyline about an election? And isn’t Election Day tomorrow?

    MW — I totally love Mary’s expression. She may slip some Ex-Lax into that casserole.

    MT — Molly, you are being treated badly because of a man named Jack Elrod. And by relentlessly tormenting you, he’s treating many others badly too (sob).

    AG3 — Umm, Mr. Gibbs, for the effect you want, the emphasis should be on “building,” not “haunted.”

  185. johnw
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Monday 11/6 RMMD: The kid’s lightning-bolt hoodie appears to be a shout-out to “Madman,” the excellent comic book by Mike Allred. But the idea that RMMD’s writer and artist are cool enough to know Madman is causing my brain to explode.

    JP: I guess the writer’s attention span has expired. Exit Raju, stage right!

    FW: A teen love affair seasoned with vomit just isn’t depressing enough… so ir’s off to Iraq! This strip tries way way WAAAYYY too hard to be topical. I remember when it was a harmless teen-hijinx strip that actually focused on Funky and his buds; now it’s a second-rate Doonesbury wannabe.

  186. Ohyes
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    JP – If Sophie is going to school, it must be Monday morning. Surely, the party was on Saturday night. It’s suddenly, like, 32 hours later!

    When Abbey finally got Sam into bed, her orgasms made the earth move…spinning faster, through a warp in time!

    I feel dizzy.

  187. johnw
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    #179 — I think Rebecckah is going to channel her rage and frustration into a new career as a solo artist, exploring the angst and anger of a woman who is overexposed to success and heartbreak at an early age. Her first solo CD will be all shrieky and bitter; her later efforts will be tritely philosophical.

    Oh wait… I’m thinking of Rebekiah’s real-life inspiration, Alanis Morrisette. Canadian teen-pop star turned “artiste.”

    Isn’t it ironic, dontcha think…

  188. Concerned Citizen
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    It’s now too late for these strips to conclude with characters taking the Aldo step. However if Jess is mortified by her strange splorting on Darrin and if Becky could just step out of her own comic life and see her as we see her, a person bogged down as secondary character in a vapid strip, they could still hurtle off the road, cluthing a bottle, covering their eyes and reciting, “Oh, no!” If the cartoonists could run this on the same day, that would be sweet.

  189. Ohyes
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    JP was brilliant in its use of endless time, a whole four weeks, to express deeply Abbey’s sexual tension and anticipation. It made us recognize in ourselves (well. me) our own longing for sultry Abbey, unrequited for eternities.

    They did it, they had sex Saturday night – you can’t show that in the funny papers! – then slept all day Sunday. So, now it’s Monday! Brilliant.

  190. Jennifer
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]


    Were you mentioned in one of Alanis’s breakup songs? ;)

    That’s a good bit of the bitter to be aimed at someone who hasn’t been on the pop culture radar for years.

    Next up, that BITCH Anne Murray gets what’s coming to her.

  191. Krazy Kat
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    And today, Mother Goose and Grimm completes the pooping trifecta–though others may follow.

  192. td
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    167, 169, 170:

    I’m with Tekende on this one, more or less, but more relevant here is the further proof that the duck has gone round the bend.

    “carpuptbtthv?” Is this how Tinsley transliterates his thoughts when his brain has reached the point of sputtering incomprehension? I mean, we all suspected he gets there, but who ever expected him to write it into the strip?

  193. Leslee
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Yes, April (and RebeccaH) has a super sensational booty, but pls keep in mind she’s also just a tweener. Sadly, like me and her moms it will balloon up to grande by the time she’s in her 20s.

    Fortunately, she (also like me) will already have found her kissin soul mate cum stage-struck muse in RebeccaH, who is carrying their surrogate child.

    Remember, same-sex marriage (and free pre-natal care) in Canada!

    re: FW. Although I’ve never handled the stuff myself, I would say that the white gloop on the biggie box is most certainly NOT “hurl”. There’s a suspicious pause between panels during which she obviously slipped to her knees and found a way to supersize those papas fritas!!

  194. Paul James
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- Mary is about to go all “Carrie” on everyone as she fills with white heat rage and darkens the room with her demonic powers. How dare Iris insinuate that some other bitch could ever provide meaningful advice to the Queen Meddler!

  195. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    #129 (Tropicana) So much is wrong with FBOFW today that it boggles the mind…the girls both look like hookers, Rebecca is, apparently leaving an upper decker in the toilet, and April is…a peeping tom? Someone should tell her that most people don’t like it when you look under the door of the stall like that.

    Hey, whatddya expect from Canadians? The country’s national animal is a beaver fer crying out loud.

    Freaks… :-)

  196. SmartPeopleOnIce
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    #192: “carpuptbtthy” == Tinsley’s acronym* for “committee against etc”. Not that I’m defending MF. Tinsley can still bite me sideways (as one of my esteemed colleagues here put it).

    However, speaking of snakes-on-wheels insane, Mort Walker has apparently finally slipped his last surly tether of reason. Yikes.

    * yeah, yeah, I know it’s not a TRUE acronym unless it spells out a word. Grammar police can also bite me sideways.

  197. cheech wizard
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    MT – That Kelly is unpredictable – now her boobs are talking as well. No doubt her talking vagina will chime in shortly. The woman is just an unbridled caldroun of lust.

  198. Old Fogeyette
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:26 am [Reply]


    It’s so good to know that someone else still cares about Molly amidst all the truly weird stuff going on in the other strips. I mean, the poor bear… doesn’t understand why everyone is being so mean to her. Sniff. Sob.

    And by the way, is your nom de blog taken from the character Poteet in the old Steve Canyon strip? That’s the only other place I’ve ever seen it. If so, you must be rather fogeyish yourself.

  199. Ohyes
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    198 – And Poteet, niece of pilot Steve Canyon, reminds me in turn of Penny, niece of pilot Sky King (He was “Sky King” and she was “Penny’? DIscuss.) in the so-named TV show on Saturday mornings, you know, the niece who was always tied up in rope by the bad guys… Um…

    Um. Molly is chained to a tree, that’s my point, yes. But wasn’t she also restrained, when paraded before children in her properly insured performances in shopping malls? I of course like Molly, and I think the poachers treat her about as well as Buck did, plus she gets to feel anticipation as the male bears come ’round.

  200. yellojkt
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    More Patterson Book Titles





    None of these can possibly be worse than the real title.

  201. april glaspie
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Yoou want meth with those fries and the massage?

  202. [Margo]Me
    November 6th, 2006 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Dja mean that Tommy is going to become a fry cook when he gets out of the slammer?

  203. AhClem
    November 6th, 2006 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    RMMD -
    “Steal my money? Fine. Credit cards? OK. But you made me have to associate with common folk at the DMV office, and for that I’m going to rip your lungs out and feed them to the turtles.”

    Won’t happen that way, but it would be awesome.

  204. benro
    November 6th, 2006 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Now that April has had her opportunity to demonstrate her saintliness, this story line is dropped faster than a hot potato. The next time we see Rebeccah she will be performing at Liz & Blandthony’s wedding..

  205. j
    November 6th, 2006 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Where’s the revenge!? Enough this Canadian “peacekeeping” bs.

  206. Poteet
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    #198 — Don’t worry, Fogeyette, lots of us care about Molly, and Pope Josh has firmly assured us at least twice (right, Josh?) that Molly will NOT come to ultimate harm. I’m holding tight to that promise.

    And yes, you are right. I identified with Poteet decades ago because we both had crushes on Steve. (What can I say, we were very young.) Anyway, looking back, we didn’t have a chance, given the dark alluring ladies Caniff liked to throw into the mix:-).

    #199 — Ohyes, I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing Penny. Actually, technically, Poteet was Steve’s cousin, but I seem to recall that bad guys had a predilection for tying her up also, and Steve sometimes took his good old time coming to the rescue.

    You make a good point about Molly being used to restraints. But I think of her as much too young and innocent to understand what Mommy and Daddy bears do in private when they love each other very very much.

  207. Poteet
    November 6th, 2006 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    #200 — Yellojkt, I LOVE your titles! They were worth losing water through my nose. Thanks!

  208. Concerned Citizen
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    190 – I was worried that, with all this discussion of Canadian singers, someone would remind me of Anne Murray. Damn, years of electroshock threrapy down the drain.

  209. Old Fogeyette
    November 6th, 2006 at 2:54 pm [Reply]


    I realize this thread is drawing to an end, but thanks for confirming. Also a question: didn’t Steve have a sexy friend? I seem to remember having a crush on someone, but it wasn’t Steve. Though I loved Poteet and wanted to be like her.

    Maybe I’m thinking of Steve Roper’s friend Mike, but I have an impression there was someone else in Steve Canyon….

    And further… Milton Caniff was on the humor magazine at Ohio State when he went there. Many years later when I went there, I saw the drawings he did on… either the walls or the cupboards.

  210. Merdz
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    I think you guys are forgetting there are a heckuva lotta people out there without internet access. It’s not as though it’s simple to find information about your elected officials. I don’t think I got a pamphlet in the mail for each person I’m voting for.

    I did get a thick voter guide that I read through.

    However, no, I absolutely don’t see anything wrong in going to the polls, doing a bit of reading, and then choosing your candidates.

    Think of the number of people who are voting for a candidate only because “s/he feels this way about [abortion, Iraq, taxes, road projects, etc.]” and that’s all the thought they put into it. If that’s what’s important to them, fine.

    If more people voted, more people would care what the candidates are doing. It doesn’t work the other way around.

    Sorry, I should have probably taken this to another forum.

  211. Mibbitmaker
    November 6th, 2006 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Another book title for Mike Patterson:


    Of course, if there’s ever a collection of (DT)GT strips released, that title will be already in use.

  212. Harold
    November 6th, 2006 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Errr, here’s one for the FAQ’s, maybe:

    What does (DT)GT stand for?

    I really need a glossary of abbreviations used here. I tried to find information about (DT)GT on the Internet, but failed.

  213. Hysterical Woman
    November 6th, 2006 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT=(Death to) Gil Thorp

  214. Harold
    November 6th, 2006 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Thanks! I thought it had something to do with Dick Tracy!

  215. Poteet
    November 6th, 2006 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    #209 — Hi Fogeyette — nice to hear from you, ending thread or not. I bet you are right about Steve, but I’m not sure about the other guy, unless you mean Reed Kimberley, young and appealing? Or Happy Easter, but he was more of a funny guy.

    I also remember Copper Calhoon, the sultry temptress-cum-industrial magnate who was very mean to her secretary, a sweet meek blonde named Summer who later became Steve’s wife. If Joshreads had existed back then, commentors would have had a field day with THAT relationship.

    I no longer dream about Steve:-), but I still think Caniff had serious talent, and I’ll bet it was fun to see his early work. I know afficianados say TERRY AND THE PIRATES was better, but that was before my time.

  216. Poteet
    November 6th, 2006 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    #211 — Mibbitmaker, I agree with you.

  217. Old Fogeyette
    November 6th, 2006 at 6:51 pm [Reply]


    Thanks for getting back to me with that walk down Memory Canyon. I do remember Summer! And I never thought she was good enough for Steve, so maybe I did have a crush on him after all. I also remember Happy Easter, but not the other guy.

    I also remember Poteet wore jeans and cowboy boots back in a time when “ladies” didn’t dress that way. I don’t remember what finally became of her.

    What a hoot!

  218. Poteet
    November 6th, 2006 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    #217 — Fogeyette, we’ve got to stop meeting like this:-), but as a finale, I can’t resist recommending this:,9171,894059,00.html

  219. Harold
    November 6th, 2006 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, the memory that stands out in my mind the most of Steve Canyon was a series of strips in the late 1970′s or early 1980′s that involved a young woman, the intended bride of some Arab Prince who was a friend of Steve Canyon, being hung naked upside-down for several weeks and brutally tortured. In. The. Sunday. Funnies.

    In the end, Steve and the Prince rescue the young woman, who then confesses to her betrothed that as a result of the torture, she can no longer bear children. (WTF? In a Sunday comic, as I said?) And he says, “Not to worry, one of my other wives can bear my children.” And she realizes that this relationship just isn’t gonna work out, and leaves.

    While emptying out some drawers in my grandmother’s old house (now my house) I found a Dick Tracy from 1975 that had an evil farmer using a bullwhip on his young, innocent, crippled, crutch-using daughter, who has just discovered some nefarious scheme of his. The image of him using the whip is straight out of some weird Gorean fantasy.

    Comic strips sure ain’t what they used to be.

  220. Poteet
    November 6th, 2006 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    #219 — Harold — Thanks for the info. And WOW. I had no idea. My paper didn’t carry Steve Canyon then, and I had no idea that Caniff had become so very, umm, unsubtle. Or that Dick Tracy had gone down the same road. I’d previously seen some tormenting of attractive young women in both strips, but nothing like that.

    Molly the Bear, you are luckier than you know.

  221. Old Fogeyette
    November 7th, 2006 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Poteet? You still there? As you say, we’ve got to stop meeting like this. Still… I just have to thank you to the link to that Time article. What a hoot!

  222. Poteet
    November 7th, 2006 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Fogeyette, I’m back. I’m glad you enjoyed the TIME column. The paddling part dropped my jaw. I did not realize Poteet had such a history when I grabbed her name as my moniker. And now it turns out that there’s a statue of Poteet in Poteet, Texas, and a statue of Steve Canyon in some other town. And of course you told me about Caniff’s early work in Ohio. Milt, you rascal, you cut quite a swath. Farewell, dear Fogeyette, until we meet again:-)…

  223. Dave
    November 8th, 2006 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Call me old fashioned but I’m not so sure about lying on a public bathroom floor and looking under the stall door.

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    June 23rd, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

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  225. Stan
    July 20th, 2007 at 5:01 am [Reply]

    I may be late here, and April’s face on the bathroom floor is bad enough, but did you notice she was also BAREFOOT on the bathroom floor?

  226. Gerald Parrott
    December 4th, 2010 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    Now i am in fact getting sick of being forced to deal with insurance cover. Now i’m lured by the concept of dropping my insurance plan and trying to play the odds

  227. Ian Hoyle
    December 5th, 2010 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    All over the place I move I am reminded of how I got shafted by my insurance broker. When will it finish!

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