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Metapost: Spider-Man, unearthed

It is I trust a shared opinion here, no matter where you fall on the merits of the Spider-Man franchise as a whole, that the Spider-Man newspaper comic strip is in fact almost unspeakably lame. There are occasional laments about the low state to which it has fallen; however, faithful reader Eden, who was helping clean out some junk from her parents’ house, uncovered evidence that it has ever been thus, if by “ever” you mean “since at least 1978, the date of this newspaper she found.”

So many wonderful things here, including but not limited to the following:

  • Peter Parker’s massive, Neaderthal-style brow ridge
  • Peter Parker only fights crime so as to get laid
  • Crypto-right-wing undertones (“liberation” — clearly code for “sinister commie terrorism”)
  • The idea that the plotting of left-wing terrorist groups on campus might constitute “ripped from the headlines” drama in 1978

Tana is clearly a member of the terrorist group — no doubt its full name is the “Stereotypical Mysterious Gypsy Women Liberation Front.”

136 responses to “Metapost: Spider-Man, unearthed”

  1. Sarelro
    June 18th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    I don’t pretend to have ever read this comic, but one of my major pet peeves is when people write so completely unlike how people actually talk. “Then Spidey better clip its fuse – but fast!” I’m pretty sure I’ve never read a “but fast” in any literature since 1890. And for God’s sake, use some contractions! It saves space and my sanity!

  2. Weasel Boy
    June 18th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    “Bombs don’t exactly turn me on.” There’s a t-shirt.

  3. Chris
    June 18th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Bombs totally turn me on.

    They’re the bomb.

    Spiderman the comic in the 60s and maybe early 70s was actually great…the newspaper comic has always been the absolute leader in suckage.

  4. Trotzenbonnie
    June 18th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    When did Burt Reynolds find the time between all those “Smokey & the Bandit” movies to play Spidey in the funny papers?

  5. Anonymous
    June 18th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to know why Tana’s wearing a partly-filled trash bag around her neck. It’s probably a symbol that she’s a card-carrying member of VAGINA: Vegetarians Against Grotesquely Idiotic Nerd Assholes.

  6. Uncle Lumpy
    June 18th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Gabriella was pretty hot back in ’78. Shame how Parker let himself go, though.

  7. B
    June 18th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Since Spidey didn’t get knocked out by a brick, I’m going to have to say it was less lame in 1978 than today.

  8. O’Fogeyette
    June 18th, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    I just can’t read Spiderman, though I have tried. I was just getting ready to post in the yesterthread after my nap, but I’ll have to do it here:

    I just got around to reading the comics, and good grief! There’s a two-way tie for batshit insanity (I love that phrase, thanks, Poteet!):

    DTGT, which I admit does seem to be making as much sense as a plot about now-hairless aliens who are trying to pass for human can make; and

    Pibgorn, which is a great example of why Brooke M. should draw and keep his text shut; with

    MT close behind. Perhaps Mark will find eider-hooks this time to lead him to the miscreants.

    DT: I want my Gretchen! I want the Baron to want his Gretchen! Gretchen über alles!

    Yesterthread Monkeyhawk: I love your caption too! Surely among all of us we’ve got to make it to the finals this week! And Dean Booth: thanks for the compliment!

  9. Citric
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Considering Spidey’s strange and kinky brand of foreplay, was he trying to get MJ and Tana together and juggle them?

  10. The Avocado Avenger
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    You can certainly see how Spidey has kept his identity secret for lo these many decades, what with his talking out loud all the time and changing into his spidey-suit in the middle of public hallways and such.

    I could totally get lost in Tana’s cleavage, though. Rowr.

  11. Maughta
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    I was so hoping for an evil villaness named Misty Past. Josh, you tease!

  12. JupiterPluvius
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    #9 Citric:

    Spidey and MJ were on the outs for much of the late 70s (at least as far as the newspaper comic was concerned). Were they going to different universities or something? I forget exactly what it was, because I was mostly hopped up on Tang and collecting Wacky Packages (drawn by Art Spiegelman, just to show you that there are, indeed, second acts in American lives).

  13. arto
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    You gotta admire Peter Parker’s smooth pickup technique, though. The only thing sexier than a chest full of hair and gold chains to disco-era ladykind is an alarmist headline about left-wing terrorism. Puts the “baad” in “Baader-Meinhoff.”

  14. Benicillin
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    *** Little Factoid for you Curmudgeoners — John Romita came from a background of advertising, in catalogs and in the papers, meaning he couldn’t help himself from drawing everyone as attractive as possible! He represeneted a total change from Steve Ditko, adding muscles and a wavy hairstyle to the formerly geeky Peter Parker. *** Little Factoid for the Rest of You — My social circle is a shoebox full of fingerpuppets and Star Wars figures!

  15. Benicillin
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    (cough)

  16. G.
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    “Tana” being no doubt here the nom de guerre of “Patty Herst.”

  17. True Fable
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    I liked John Romita’s Gwen Stacy; oh my…! In fact, I liked just about everything John Romita drew as far as people went (I like pretty people, sue me dammit) but John Buscema won hands down on drawing mechanical/ galaxial stuff. I think of Chennux when I think of Buscema. (am I spelling that right? hm.) Jack Kirby was second in my book on the mechanical/ Galaxial mainly because his women were drawn as square-faced as the men and were fugly half the time.

    Damn, I’m tough to please. No wonder all my drawings are crumpled in the corner.

  18. Benicillin
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Fable, yeah, Kirby had problems with the faces for sure…I used to read Buscema’s “How To Draw Comics the Marvel Way” as a child. I always think of Galactus too when it comes to Chennux. Sometimes….sometimes I’m even afraid to type the word “Chennux.”

  19. Ukulele Ike
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    #13: My hat is off to anyone who can include “Baader-Meinhoff” in his snark.

    “Long live the Marius van der Lubbe International Fire-Bombing Society!!!” — Freewheelin’ Franklin.

  20. Citric
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    12- Like Superman 3, where Lois Lane went on vacation so Superman could bang some other chick?

    I will admit now that my knowledge of superhero love lives is fairly suspect.

  21. Poteet
    June 18th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    # 8 — O’F, at last we meet again! Yay! I’m sorry about previous non-responses. This is the week when I finally admit defeat — I’m not even going to try to read every single comment anymore. It was fun while it lasted, but work has laid its claim. I can always use my search feature to find key words, though, so if you address a comment to “Poteet” from now on, I shall find and answer it.

    As for “batshit insanity,” thank you. But I confess that I picked up that phrase here, from another Cumudgeon or possibly the Pope himself. I do agree that it applies to PIBGORN. And you are so right about how Brooke should shut up and draw. I have no idea what the hell is going on in PIBGORN, and I don’t care. I’m still hooked.

    I’m actually feeling a small amount of wary affection for the Baron in DT at this point, since I think his determination to regain his Gretchen is kind of sweet. Though I fully expect him to go unpleasantly demented in the end, like the Queen did. Proximity to Dick seems to have that effect.

    Regards to Google! I accidently gave too much subcutaneous fluid to my cat a few days ago and turned her into a black furry water balloon. Fortuanately no harm was done, but she kind of sloshed for a while:-).

  22. Len
    June 18th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Nah! Dilton is thinking, “Moose is so dreamy since he’s been working out, but I don’t wanna alienate dear Old Jughead, who has muscle where it counts… between his legs!”

    Dilton: not just a nerd, but a hungry, hungry gay bottom!

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/6/18&name=Archie

  23. Rhekarid
    June 18th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    Ah, sudden headaches. Separating women and meat-heads since apparently before I was born.

  24. Kip W
    June 18th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    12 – By 1978, Art Spiegelman (then using capital letters, if memory something something) had been drawing undergrounds for years, from the wacky (Squinks) to the disturbing (The Viper). Didn’t he do the original (very short) version of MAUS around 1971?

    19 – I was the Overlord of a local chapter of the MVdLIBS* in high school, back in ’73. I had a *name tag*, man! And I shamelessly used the group name again a year later for a comic my friend Dave and I did in our high school paper.

    *Shelton used both forms of the group’s name, if memory. “Marinus,” I thought.

  25. Ferd Berfel
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    You know, if Hugh keeps this up June is going to belt him with the Right Breast O’ Justice and I, for one, can’t wait.

  26. True Fable
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    #18 benicillin: Just bow and scrape and scorch something with a gleeful wheeee! when you say “Chennux” and he’ll generally allow you to live.

    Now THAT would be an interesting “who would win”, wouldn’t it? Galactus or….Kirby? Because Chennux would own both their asses!

    My sons went to see “Rise of the Silver Surfer” and when they got back I asked these questions: Was Galactus impressive? Did they show the Watcher? Did they show the Ultimate Nullifier?

    The boys blinked a little and said, “Maybe you’d better not go see it, then. We know by the little mushroom cloud that forms when you don’t like something, that you won’t like this.”

    His Great Gretzkyness The Galactic Emperor Chennux needs to go all Ultimate Nullifer on that studio. Grumble, piss, moan. They dare defy the power of… Galactus?!?

  27. Red Greenback
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Did someone here order batshit insanity? http://youtube.com/watch?v=iza3Io_j8Fs

  28. SecretMargo
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    24: According to my copy of Maus, the date on “Prisoner on the Hell Planet” is 1972. Thank you for providing a flimsy excuse to dig it out and look at it again!

  29. Trotzenbonnie
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    #27 – Red
    Lemon-headed coward terrorist pussy?
    Them sure is fightin’ words! I hope someone covered the Boy Scouts’ ears!

    But my personal favorite bon mot was:
    ‘C’mon, Mr. Helicopter Pilot, come out of your hole!’
    I can’t wait to use that one on my favorite rotor-head.

    Howya doin’, my favorite Scheckymeister? Have you sufficiently recovered from the festivities in the Great White North?

  30. Anna Nimity
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    #27. OMG! Batshit insanity indeed! I love how the moderator tries to calm down the crazy guy by saying “You’re scaring the Boy Scouts.”

    That’s just one of the best lines I’ve ever heard. Cassandra Cat, stop! You’re scaring the boy scouts! Don’t shave your head, you’re scaring the boy scouts! Blondie and Daisy, stop! You’re REALLY scaring the boy scouts!

  31. Harry Paratestes
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    The sad thing, Red, is that I have to work with someone who is just about equally disturbed.

  32. Jana C.H.
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    #27: Non compos mentis and a cha cha cha.

  33. Shanah
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Funny. She doesn’t look Symbionese. (Although that still misses by about four years.)

  34. Derelict
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Note one substantial difference between Spidey then and Spidey now: It looks like actual action is about to take place in the 1978 comic. However, it’s hard to tell without seeing the next 30 installments (which is about how long it would take in this century for the “action” to begin.)

    Note also that Parker’s response to rejection in 1978 is to start swinging, while in this century his reaction is more likely to be going home to mope in front of the TV.

  35. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    C’mon Peter. Are you saying bombs don’t turn you on even a little? I think they do, and all this denial isn’t healthy.

  36. Charles
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man, last panel: Is that a poorly-drawn Spidey costume, or was 70′s Spider-Man showing off some bare skin? Also, why does Peter Parker have six-pack abs on his right side?

  37. Elise
    June 18th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    #36: I think that costume turns into a thong below the frame.

  38. yellojkt
    June 18th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    I remember making fun of newspaper Spidey in the late 70s while at junior high. Little did I realize the comics snarkdom greatness to which I was destined.

  39. AhClem
    June 18th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does the guy in that batshit-crazy video look a lot like Captain Kangaroo?

  40. Mibbitmaker
    June 18th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    That New Yorker deal from the last thread: I don’t know if anyone else thought of this, but how about:

    “Look! It’s a thong bird!”
    (you know…lisping joke…..)

    Archie: Dilton, you can wait here in the sitting room, or you can sit here in the waiting room.

    Blondie (kinda repetitive by now, but it’s a good joke, so…): The religious right is very upset with this strip. Why? Because it displays lesbianism! And that’s just unexceptable!

    A3G: Forget the “mom”, this is the beginning of the reunion of The Margo Triplets! They’ll reunite to play at a benefit in a Canadian mall with Robin Sparkles and some pop princess named Rebecca. The Margo who lives in 3G thinks it’s for her roommate LuAnn.

  41. Wellsey
    June 18th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    I never realized Spidey’s suit was just a dickey top.

  42. Poteet
    June 18th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    # 26 — BWAHAHA! Sir Fable MTK, having your own personal mushroom cloud must come in handy.

  43. King Folderol
    June 18th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    With breasts like those, Tana can “terrorize” me all…

    night…

    long.

  44. alsoReallySheila
    June 18th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Ah, the rantings of a young Aldo Kelrast. I guess after that tirade, he got his own chopper. While circling his house, he crashed, killing his wife, Then he turned to the bottle, then Mary, then the cliff.

    What’s sad is that I recall the 1978 Spidey plotline, though weed keeps me from remembering the outcome. I was in college and read the comics faithfully. And yes, things actually happened in the old Spiderman newspaper edition. I recalled suspense and looking forward to the next installment. Now, ennui is the sole emotional experience in this strip.

  45. SecretMargo
    June 18th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    yesterthread, #163: Wouldn’t a Plugger movie date be watching looped “Animal Planet” clips through an electronics store show window?

  46. Lizardmess
    June 18th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    Spider-man: I’d take 1978 Spidey over his current version. Is it just me, or was the Joker’s face growing over his face in today’s last panel?

    Foob: Things. Are. Getting. Awesome. Go to Roadsidecca’s and Geralds’ “gig,”…support Shan…non….slutball soup….shan…non. Oh how difficult life is for April, at sixteen!
    April! April! April!

  47. NotThatGuy
    June 18th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    #44, the Spidey plotline in the newspaper was as slow in 1978 as it is now. Marijuana can have peculiar side effects.

  48. Red Greenback
    June 18th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbooyah-Yeah, I mean Like Ohh Yeeaahhh! I was waiting to hear Mr. Thompson declare “Sikorskys ripped my flesh!”, but no such luck.
    In fact i have a video with a guy that makes David Thompson look like Joyce effin’ Brothers!

  49. Trotzenbonnie
    June 18th, 2007 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    MT – Yes, Mark, many great discoveries throughout human history have been made by playing with duck poo.
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Mark_Trail

    DtM – Dennis’ menacing stock just went sky high.
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Dennis_The_Menace

    MW – Somebody should tell Dr. Jeff that fundraising means getting actual dollars – not “great responses”.
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Mary_Worth

  50. Cornwhacker
    June 18th, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    MT: “It’s a female mallard… in drag!”

    Oh, those crazy coloring gnomes!

  51. Kronkina
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    RMMD 6/19 – Is that a bottle of wine June is supposed to be holding? So small…worchestershire sauce? Malt vinegar? Ketchup? What?

  52. Red Greenback
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    TrotzOh, Didya notice, When the guy held up his FAA freedom of information forms, they were stapled in the middle?…Oh yeah, comics…I forgot!
    Blondie: Lassie was actually portrayed by a male canine named “Pal”, same deal here, not to imply Daisy was stapled in the middle, but…,where the florgkin Sklorts is CHENNUX???

  53. alamo
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    my gosh-a-roonie daisy with a dildoe, that duck’s got battered corn up her ass!

    she’s been dining at the cozy dog drive-in in springfield illinois.

    http://www.exithere.net/daytripping/archive/cozydog.html

  54. Kronkina
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    FOOB Here’s what’s bugging me about FOOB (along with everything else everyone here has pointed out). Why do the supposedly fat or unattractive people (Shannon, Julia) look like muppets from the side? Why – OH WHY – can’t they even be allowed the dignity of a chin?!

    GF I’m SO loving this strip. Look at today’s last panel; I just love the detail – Bucky’s little head barely poking up, the fact that he’s in a Hello Kitty basket, just priceless!

  55. SecretMargo
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    Lois’s Contributions:

    Do every household chore, every day.

    Earn a living with the job I do while still being expected to be a stay-at-home mother.

    Maintain the same figure I had in high school by burning calories clenching and unclenching my fists discreetly but continuously, even in my sleep.

    Considerately overlook Hi’s flagrant affair with the dissolute, alcoholic “golf enthusiast” next door.

    Carry around a stunted baby-thing that hasn’t grown any bigger or smarter in over fifty years, just more grotesquely gnomish.

    Resist the urge to smash the Job Jar and cut that smug little smirk off Hi’s face with the shards.

    Ignore Hi’s backhair.

    Eat my rage.

    Bide my time.

  56. Poteet
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    DT — The comments in the first two panels of the 6/19 strip are notably demented even for DT. In fact, I’m beginning to suspect the Baron will end up being the sanest character in this storyline. Not that that’s saying much.

  57. Uncle Lumpy
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    #55 SecretMargo –

    Contribute actively to the good work of the Lois Club.

  58. Uncle Lumpy
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    #56 Poteet –

    Hey, Poteet!

  59. Trilobite
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Tuesday on the comics page is here:

    Mary Worth: He really doesn’t get it, does he? Jeff, Mary practically dragged your bitch ass out of Vietnam in chains when you announced that you’d rather stay there and heal crippled children than take her to the Bum Boat for drinks, dinner, and no sex. Do you really think she’s going to just let you stay at home trying to raise money for those same crippled foreigners when she needs you to be her arm-candy at another Charterstone Pool Party of the Damned?

    Hey, have we seen Dr. Jeff stand up since Mary went to Vietnam? Maybe that one comic in the Vietnamese hospital where it looked like Jeff had no legs wasn’t an artist’s error after all, and Mary just never noticed his double amputation because she never looks below his waist anyway.

    Mark Trail: Oh, I know, Mark’s just going to whip out his Home Necroscopy Kit and have fun running his fingers through a bunch of duck crap, but I prefer to imagine that the duck is alive. Mark really wants to know what the duck eats, because he plans to seduce the information out of Miss Mallard. A little plate of insects, a nice red wine, and before the dessert arrives that duck’ll be more than willing to answer Mark’s clumsy “So…where does a duck like you come from?” pickup line.

    A3G: Before Vera and Von in Mary Worth, before Trudi and Keith in Judge Parker, Apartment 3G was already delivering a creepy brother-sister incest vibe with Nora and Eric Mills. Only in the world of A3G, I’m pretty sure incest must be pretty normal, since everyone looks the same as everyone else anyway.

  60. The Avocado Avenger
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Tuesday RMMD: By god, Hugh is one dumb creature. Dumb and ugly, what a way to go through life. No wonder June is drinking straight from the bottle. Tomorrow she’ll be rifling through the kitchen drawers, looking for something sharp.

    Dick Tracy: Someone has stolen Agent O’Brien’s left eyebrow! Alert the media!

    FOOB: If Gerald is getting $150 smackers for his performance, why is Becky doing it for free? Maybe Gerald lied. Anything to make it obvious that Gerald is a scummy man who doesn’t deserve April. Shannon’s really rockin’ her business suit, by the way.

    Curtis: Look out, it’s almost edgy!

    Spider-Man: I may not have wanted to start the week with hot Spidey action, but in retrospect, that was much less painful than watching him get distracted by the TV in the middle of foreplay.

  61. SecretMargo
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    57: Write the SCUH Manifesto, use it to replace the Lois Society’s mission statement. Then use it to replace the Constitution.

    .

    (Okay, I’ve now imagined Hi, Chip and now Lois plotting to overthrow the government in the space of two days. What’s happening to me?)

  62. Jym
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    =29= (Trotzenbonnie): Of course Mr. Helicopter Pilot is none other than the dashing Rod Johnston. ‘Cause Red Greenback wouldn’t post anything off-topic here! Oh, and: Blame Canada.

    =51= RMMD (Kronkina): One plausible explanation is that it’s a half-bottle, or a bottle of port, or a full magnum that just looks small in comparison to June’s extravagant … foreshortening.

  63. dreadedcandiru2
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    FW : OOOOOOOOoooooooh, the IRONY!! This adoptions rights plotline isn’t being laid on with a trowel, no way!

    DtM : What the boxcar? Dennis pimped Nr. Wilson’s ride? There may be hope for him yet!

    Foob: April is givimg Mike and Liz a run for their money, unlikeabilty-wise! It makes me wonder if Lynn hates these characters as much as we do.

  64. MonkeyHawk
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    #50 — Cornwhacker –

    Good catch on the “female mallard…in drag”!

    I knew there was something hinky about today’s MT but you nailed it.

    If Jackel Rod has any credibility — given the stupid dialog coming from assorted body parts, the “all bad guys have moustaches” trope, the… well, just about everything else — at least he’s supposed to get the critters right!

    Let’s now brace ourselves for a week’s worth of duck poop analysis.

  65. SecretMargo
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    60: A.A.: re: Spiderman — MJ: “Don’t you ever turn that [margo]ing thing off?”

  66. Mibbitmaker
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    Tues.:

    DtM: D’s got his M back. Any time he can get Mr. Wilson to do Chuck Jones facial expressions like that, his M is back.

    FOOB: I may’ve been right last time; looks like PodApril the Assimilated is getting plenty comeupance. Called on her shit, which is definately a disgusting place to be called on, let me tell you!

    MT: “I’m sorry, Mr. Fillmore, but I have some bad news about your wife…”

  67. SecretMargo
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    re: Cornwacker, Mibbitmaker: I’d gloat over Mallard F. being outed as yet another hypocritical, closeted Republican, but the loss of a loved one is always tragic, no matter how confused the political and gender identities involved are. Let’s respectfully stand aside as Mark rips the body open with the wanton yet innocent glee of a toddler tearing apart a Cracker Jack box to get to the prizes inside.

  68. Mibbitmaker
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    19th:

    RMMD: Oh, no! Hugh Avery has gotten Mark Trail Character WHAT Disease! Somebody call a physician, quick!

    FW: ………………………. WILLYOUGETONWITHIT?!?!?![/Ralph Kramden]

  69. Lapsed Librarian
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary knows exactly what she’s doing… She’s goading Jeff to continue his fundraising work, which he’ll do by following up on his “great responses” relentlessly, thereby alienating everyone he knows. Then there will be no one left to turn to but Mary. He’ll be hers, all hers.

  70. Mibbitmaker
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    #67 (SecretMargo): My joke was actually a straightforward (no pun intended) MF reference, unrelated to preference (hypocrite, that is).

    I wouldn’t put it past him, though!

    YIKES! How did Trail just bisect that duck with just one punch, anyway?! Johnny One-note!

  71. SecretMargo
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    70: LL — And if that doesn’t work, she’ll always have her two little helpers, Mr. Chloroform and Mr. Crowbar. Or she could just rely on the accumulated debilitating effects of her cooking, perhaps her surest route to success (look how pliant Vera became!).

  72. Mibbitmaker
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Mary: “I just want to say once again how proud I am of your (YAAAWNN!) Vietnam crusade for the kids.”

    Jeff: “Thanks, Mare. I have a plan to join in on a telethon for the kids. See?…..”

    Mary: “…But… this is a Canadian event for special needs retards nowhere near S.E. Asia!”

    Jeff: “Aw, Mary! The Margo Triplets, Foreva and Evah, Robin Sparkles, and some pop princess named Rebecca are performing there! Without a sex life, I have to live vicariously through something!!

    Mary (to herself): “…Intervention or car over cliff?… Intervention or car over cliff?…..”

    Jeff: “What?”

    Mary: “Oh…nothing….”

  73. SecretMargo
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    73: “I know! Intervention and car off a cliff!”

  74. Jym
    June 19th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    =66= MT/DS (Mibbitmaker): You don’t seriously believe that a female (of any species) would marry Mallard Fillmore!?!?!?

    (Yes, I ended that sentence with three elitist interrobangs.)

  75. dbp
    June 19th, 2007 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Think the county commissioners’ nefarious scheme to use a growing bird problem to disrupt the airport is doomed to failure? THINK AGAIN.
    In Milan, scores of hares have caused massive headaches for the city’s Linate Airport, even resulting in them shutting the place down for a few hours to get rid of the creatures. And these are mere wingless rabbits.
    Best quote in the article: Airport bosses are baffled as to why the hare population at Linate has risen so dramatically in the past few months.
    I think we all know the true cause. After all, Italy doesn’t have Mark Trail’s fists to protect it from the plottings of Buzzard and the County Commissioners.

  76. Jack Parsons
    June 19th, 2007 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    The Lance Club would be a dismal failure. It is such a unique name that I cannot address another man as Lance. My throat just stops.

    I mentioned this to my friend Archer, who said, “I’ve never had this problem”.

  77. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 19th, 2007 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Home again at last! I’m so glad to be here that I almost forgot I’m unemployed.

    Which means… more time to snark on the comics!

    Archie: Betty is wearing the Minidress of the Beast. (Hmm, almost typed “Breast” there. Wonder why?)

    BS: “Is it cool to be vague? Is it hip to make no sense?” –Crow T. Robot. I will stop snarking this strip until it does something other than attempt to fool its readers into thinking they’re too dumb to get it.

    BB: All this time I thought Sarge had a beer gut. Turns out he’s wearing a belt of dynamite under his uniform.

    DT: “How did these foreign nationals get into the U.S.?” “Same as other illegals.” No, not unless other illegals went through customs and hopped a commercial flight out of Düsseldorf. I don’t think a whole lot of Mexicans come in that way.

    DS: I am revising my Chron comics page tonight, and Dinette Set is coming off it. Not only do I not think this is funny, I can’t even figure out how it’s supposed to be funny. I’m pretty sure it’s just product placement.

    FC: No, Jeffy, you haven’t done anything cute since 1957. What you’re doing is trying to be cute, which is by definition not cute. It’s anti-cute. If you came into contact with something that was genuinely cute, the two of you would annihilate each other in a flash of radiation.

    FBOFW: I… know… Shan…non… is… sup…pose… ta… be… slow… but… did… she… al…ways… pause… be…tween… ev…e…ry… God…damn… syll…a…bull? Man… that’s… fu…kin… an…noy…ing.

    Big Dog: Marm is already outside. Why the hell does he need to be walked? From a dog’s point of view, doesn’t getting a human to hold a leash fastened to your neck kind of run counter to the point of walkies?

    RMMD: Hugh knows June’s in health care, but he’s baffled that she’s not a physician. Has he never heard of nurses? Physicians’ aides? Nurse practicioners? Orderlies? Interns? Pharmacists? C’mon, Hugh, it ain’t a riddle.

    TDIET: Today’s strip idea submitted by Cathy Guisewite.

  78. off-model
    June 19th, 2007 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    MT: It seems like this has been pointed out already, but I don’t think that’s a female mallard.
    First the man can’t tell a friendly miniature pet bear from a large angry one, and now he doesn’t know a male mallard from a female.
    I think he’s been spending too much time practicing his punching skills and organizing his khakis instead of focusing on actually knowing anything about the wildlife he’s supposed to be writing about.
    Pretty soon he’s going to mistake Rusty for a gopher and I get the feeling that storyline won’t end very well.

  79. off-model
    June 19th, 2007 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    I forgot my link to female mallards.

  80. Dub Not Dubya
    June 19th, 2007 at 3:45 am [Reply]

    As a member of Team Julia, I am pissed that Lynn so libeled her by claiming that Julia said such a stupid thing on Saturday. So, I sneaked into the dumpster recycling bin outside Fortress Foob and reclaimed the original drafts of what Julia actually said to Granthony:

    http://members.cox.net/blogpicsaddy/julia.html

    If anyone else has found any other early drafts (calling Dean Booth!), please do share them with the rest of us. We must defend Julia’s honor.

  81. Trilobite
    June 19th, 2007 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    #77 SS-B — I think Hugh’s just hoping that her answer will be something like “I’m a physical therapist. I do therapeutic massage…with full release.”

    I mean, apparently that’s available in Canada, right?

  82. Chat Noir
    June 19th, 2007 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    FOOB: In panel three, Shann … non reveals herself to not only be the planning committee for this multi-stage 24-hour FOOBstock telethon, but also a ssssnake.

  83. monsieurjohn
    June 19th, 2007 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile in today’s Spider-man…

    How is he still clothed?? He reunited with MJ on Sunday and he’s still wearing his spider-suit!

  84. Sherm
    June 19th, 2007 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    As a longtime subscriber to Spider-man Aficionado I can tell you that the newspaper comic started in 1977, so, relatively speaking, that’d be one of the first strips printed. I can also tell you that Spider-Man Aficionado is almost as pointless and depressing a publication as you’d imagine.

  85. verdantone
    June 19th, 2007 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    oh boy oh boy oh boy! Mark Trail is going to eviscerate a duck

  86. Vince M.
    June 19th, 2007 at 6:10 am [Reply]

    27: it’s Dale Gribble, the early years!
    I guess back in my day, the Boy Scouts were made of stronger stuff…

  87. Ham Gravy
    June 19th, 2007 at 6:14 am [Reply]

    MT: It’s good thing Mark found that duck. After Mark saws it in half to examine its stomach contents, I predict Rusty will name it “Lucky”.

  88. smacky
    June 19th, 2007 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    A3G: There is something so fundamentally creepy, something very “Flowers in the Attic” about the woman crying over how much she misses her brother, that her own daughter can’t comprehend the truth. He’s on a business trip, for pete’s sake! Unless she knows the truth–that he really leads a “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” lifestyle and he’s actually overseas putting a lid on the Gaza strip (a deadly lid!)–then there’s no reason for her weeping.

    She’s the anti-Margo. Instead of a severe bun, she wears a gentle flip. Instead of getting drunk and taking her anger out on her spineless roommates, she’s weeping to herself. Instead of slapping the girl for attempting to hug her, she’s accepting human kindness!!!

  89. Shark
    June 19th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Since when do background shadows move around in the comic on the main foob website. I’ve seen them blink, but that took me by surprise.

    And I don’t want to sound like a heartless jerk, but what magical fantasy land does April go to school in? Every special needs student is normal looking and friendly, and 100% regular (talking slow is not that special). When I went to school, there were always special needs kids with emotion problems freaking out, and they were really uncomfotable to be around. Look at the noble ‘tards in FOOB. The only thing they need a telethon for is for money to buy business suits they can wear to school.

  90. Whippersnapper
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    Little A (from yesterthread or maybe a couple yesterthreads ago)- I agree that April is the most tolerable Foob, although I am alarmed at the rate that Lynn is Pattersonizing her now that she has passed her 16th birthday. The best thing about the strip being frozen in time this September is that we will be spared the agony of watching over several years as April grows up, goes to college, meets new (non-Patterson) people, and starts to establish her own life, only to come running back to Foobville for no particular reason, where she will move back in with her parents, also for no particular reason. There, she will discover that Gerald has repented of his teenaged foolishness and is Granthony’s apprentice at Gordo’s garage, and has grown a mighty pornstache under Granthony’s guidance. She will then agree to marry Gerald after she is pushed relentlessly toward him by her parents and a short, squat, aubergine-dress-wearing plot device.

    I prefer to pretend that the day after the Deep Freeze, April wakes up, realizes that the family surname may as well be Asshat, and makes a break for it, going on to live an interesting, fulfilling, and completely non-Elly-controlled life.

  91. Squawk
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    Well, on the upside, Stan Lee and his collaborator did a fantastic job on the lettering.

  92. Shave Ezra
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    I’m certainly no expert on A3G relationships, but if I understand it correctly, isn’t Eric (who’s missing) Katy’s uncle? But today Katy says, “I still miss Daddy too”. That seems to indicate that daddy is gone or dead or something, and Eric’s current absence is making Nora upset about what happened to Katy’s father (her husband, I assume).

  93. Dean Booth
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    “Waiter, what’s this insect doing in my Stone Soup?!”
    “Looks to me to be the AACK stroke, sir.”

    Thank you, thank you. Tip Red on your way out.

  94. Islamorada Girl
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    As Ms. Trotz notes, Tuesday’s MT mallard is male. The great outdoorsman can’t even sex a duck, for God’s sake! Hen mallards are a mottled brown, Elrod! Roger Tory Peterson, you ain’t.

    Make your own sex a duck joke here. Thank you.

  95. andreavis
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    MT: of course Mark is going to make that “fe”male mallard talk– he’s shoving his hand up its ying-yang, to work it like a hand puppet! See if you can catch his lips moving…

  96. Lurker
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    I have to say, regarding Tuesday’s FOOB, that April is being a major bitch. Ditching your retarded (and seemingly only genuine) friend because you’re pissy at your boyfriend and some other little brat? Really immature and selfish. Lynngineering, I believe Michael’s coma fantasy is proceeding apace. Commence the character assassination of Apewill!

  97. AhClem
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    MT – “WHAT TH…?!?! There’s an eye hook lodged in this duck’s intestinal tract! I think there’s an evil plot afoot, especially since the leg band on this duck says “Property of Buzzard’s Dastardly Deeds, Inc.”

  98. Galactic Emperor Chennux©™®
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! PREPARE TO FILL YOUR HEARTS AND PANTS WITH THE BY-PRODUCTS OF TERROR! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

    SO, THINGS ARE GOING GREAT AT THE SHAWNA-MARIE WELDING! TRUE FABLE IS GRINDING BEES LIKE A HURDY-GURDY MAN ON METH, POTEET IS SLINGING DOORKNOBS LIKE POTATOES AND RED GREENBACK IS LOBBING POTATOES LIKE DOORKNOBS, SO CHENNUX GOES BACK TO THE PACER TO FIRE UP THE MAGMACANNON, AND WHAT HAPPENS? THE STUPID AMERICAN MOTORS COMPANY USED THE VACUUM ADVANCE ON THE DISTRIBUTOR TO POWER THE AUXILARY EQUIPMENT! CHENNUX CANNOT GET THE MAGMACANNON TO EVEN BURP! AND THE BATTERY IS FLAT FROM TORCHING THE CANADIAN CUSTOMS POST! AND THEN THEY SWITCH TO THIS SPECIAL NEEDS TELETHON! CHENNUX IS TORQUED! OR IN CANADA, TOQUED! HAHA!

    THE ONE CALLED # 18 BENICILLIN! GALACTUS? LOUD BUT MOSTLY HARMLESS! HE’S THIS UNIVERSE’S VERSION OF PARIS HILTON! YOU SHOULD SEE HIS SEX VIDEO! HAHA!

    THE ONE CALLED #26 TRUE FABLE! YOU CAN DO THE MUSHROOM CLOUD THING, TOO? COOOOOL!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  99. Marked Trail
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow, we get to see Mark with duck shit covering his hands, shirt, etc Then he is going to find some grain.

    Hmmmmm

    Looks like Purina Duck Chow, lot #57

    The only place around here that uses that is Bumpkin Cletus’s Farm.

    To the Trailmobile…..

  100. Hogen Mogen
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Poor old Mary Worth. Can’t even get a date for those exhibitions in human misery known as the Charterstone Pool Party, regularly scheduled to coincide with transitioning story lines. First, blown off by workaholic Vera Shields, who shocked Mary by not immediately baring her soul the first time they ate dinner together. Now, blown off by Dr. Jeff. That’s the lowest blow of all. The guy who ditched you on an unplanned trip to Cambodia and never called. Then, he clawed his way to Vietnam, a country selected because of the lack of normal relations with the US. When he heard Mary was coming, he had to feign a deathly illness. Now Mary wants to subject the good doctor to not only her own insufferable company, but the company of several other obstinate fools. This can only end well if Jeff gets very loaded at the party and embarrasses himself to the point where he’s not invited back. “Mary, another double gin & tonic, and ease up on that tonic.” Then get into a fist fight over Chinbeard’s insistence that sick children in poor countries are just cloying for attention from liberal types. “I’m a leftie? *smack* Now THAT’S a LEFTY!” Ian barrels over into the pool. Yeah, that would turn MW from a parched-dry melodrama designed for a demographic that once voted for Herbert Hoover into something that doesn’t make me feel as if I’ve been reading the contents of a dusty attic that smells like moth balls.

  101. dimestore lipstick
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    On the next thrilling episode of Mark Trail:

    Avian Autopsy!

  102. TurtleBoy
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    MT: Maybe Mark sees something we can’t see. Y’know, it could be one of those rare and exotic shemallards.

  103. Islamorada Girl
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    I’d just like to add that Chennux got drunk, caught the bridal bouquet and passed out in the chocolate fountain. He also did the Macarena! And was most generous with potatos during the dollar dance with Shawna-Marie! It was great! I’m so proud of him.

  104. Anonymous
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    #49 What an idiot Mark Trail is! We’re going to trust his ability to figure out where the mallard ate his food when he can’t tell the difference between a male and female mallard!? Only a peacock is more obvious in the difference between a male and female bird.

  105. willethompson
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    DT: CIA + Disney’s branding = The CIA Store!

    FW: Tower, this is the other shoe, circling at 3000′, looking for a place to drop.

    (DT)GT: Mark Jeske frustrates Tilden? Geez, he’s got nothing better to do than cockblock a 193 year old failed presidential contender?

    MT: Y’know what would be cool? If the mallard that crashed through the plane’s windshield was Mallard Filmore on his way home from a bar. Enraged, Mark could punch its drunken beak off. THAT would be cool.

  106. Tracer Bullet
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Hey, Batiuk, I’m glad you decided to avoid travelling all over the world to bash every reader in the head with a 2×4 that says “FORESHADOWING.” The blaring claxon and flashing neon signs were much more subtle.

  107. Perky Bird
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail–
    In high school, a friend of mine actually got a summer internship with the Fish and Wildlife Department doing just this–examining the contents of dead ducks’ stomachs to see what they had eaten. Let that be a lesson to everyone: When a job says it involves “waterfowl studies”, run away, far away!

  108. Dennis Jimenez
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    FBoFW – Yeah April, you can be on the second stage with the between the ventriloquists and the slam poets!

    MW – And my dick is this long!

    RMMD – ?!?

    SF – You’ll have to settle for the white crosses, just like we did back at Sarah Lawrence.

    Luann – What’s it gonna take for you to get a clue Brad. Isn’t it clear to you that she wants you to wank with it?

    JP – The breakneck pace continues – it’s making me dizzy.

    FC – Try playing with yourself, Jeffy.

  109. Rebochan
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    I love how 70s Spider-Man is *changing in the hallway in public*.

    I hate newspaper Spider-Man >_

  110. O’Fogeyette
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Poteet: Hi again! I agree about the not reading every comment thing. I guess Josh reads all the comments so we won’t have to. Though I’d like to. I think the Baron is my favorite comic strip character now. Gretchen herself looks quite unpleasant. Google returns his regards, and hopes your cat is feeling better.

    Now that summer is here and it’s in the hundreds every day, I’m finding it harder and harder to have my coffee and snarkage before the thread degenerates all to hell. (I have to spend the time I used to spend waking up in front of the computer instead watering and gardening and taking care of the spa and going for my walk and all the other outsidey stuff that becomes lethal by ten AM.) I salute those of you who continue your high level and volume of commentary through all seasons.

    87 Ham Gravy: BWAHAHAHA! COTW!

  111. Justafoob
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Two Stages!!!!

    Battle of the Bands!!!!!

    The Beckster vs Apewill and her hosephonium irregulars.

    The mall is going to be rockin. It will be bigger than the days when Tiffany was featured.

    And we all know that Apewill will totally win over the noble ‘tard crowd and leave the Beckster in the dirt.

    Get Uncle Phil on the phone, NOW!!!!!!!!

  112. Little A.
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    ARCHIE: I’m not a youngster. I remember as a comic book collector and reader in the late 1950′s and 1960′s (until, as the familiar story goes, my mother made me get rid of my collection of 500 old back to the 1940′s comic books that were interfering with my school work, that would be worth thousands of dollars today) that Dilton was always portrayed as an effeminate nerd who wore ridiculous outfits with a big cloth bow at the neck. He may have been a modern descendant of Tom Sawyer’s cousin Sid. I am pretty sure that’s how he was depicted. This can easily be chacked out but not be me, I don’t have any more of t hose old comics, but somebody among you surely does. The only comics I have now are a few Disneys and Nancys that I’ve purchased on Ebay from time to time. Hence my references to Sluggo Smith, one of my childhood heroes.

    FOOB: And as more than one person has pointed out, if this is a charity telethon, why is Gerald being paid? Who is paying him? Is he telling the truth? Why is Becky playing for a group of kids she can’t stand? Obviously because she is SO egotistical that she needs the publicity. But 24 hours in a mall? Somthing don’t sound kosher here, as we used to say in Da Bronx.

    Is the Fartolizer going to save the day or ruin it for Becky and her Egos again? Stay tuned with baited breath as usual. More surprises to come.

  113. Dr. Mad
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    So, Sha-n-non-s only special need is to talk faster? I have to take public transport -where is the dried spilled food, strange sounds and gestures, inappropriate and unexpected sexual behavior [it is sometimes difficult in a crowded bus to avoid 'tard frottage]. If April starts getting blonder then we’ll know she’s being Pattersonized. [as an aside - been having dental work done and Patterson is the premier supplier of dental goods - they should sue Johnston.]
    MT: I’m betting on the duck chow find, too. Haven’t known any duck sexers but I understand sexing chickens is hard. I did have a friend who worked all summer in an un-airconditioned lab in Austin TX taking the rectal temperature of 3′ alligators every 4 hrs. He ended up drinking the lab alcohol – said it was fine with a grape Nehi.

  114. Spoony Bard
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    S-M: Let’s see, his wife meets him wearing a nightie (the wife, not Spiderman) and clearly wants to “celebrate” by “getting freaky” and his first instinct is to turn on the T.V.?! Though, this could be a genetic reaction. Maybe he inherited the black widow’s proportional fear of mating with a female.

    MT – Please tell me Mark intends to dissect that thing on the tarmack. Headline: Local recluse found performing voodoo ritual at airport! Sought for questioning related to earlier plane/bird incident!

  115. Tukla in Iowa
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MT: That poor duck. His dying words were “Jack Elrod”. Makes me wonder what the rest of the sentence would have been.

  116. teenchy
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    # 4: Yes, Parker passes for a circa 1978 Burt Reynolds, but my first thought was how much he resembles today’s Jack Black.

  117. goaty
    June 19th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    For the Garfield haters out there…. well not so much haters… as its hard to hate something that barely even attempts to exist….

    http://www.explosm.net/comics/926/

  118. Jennifer
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    FW: The– the foreshadowing! It’s… it’s HUGE! It’s–! LOOK OUT!! It’ll KILL US ALL!!!

  119. Calico
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    #108 – yes, Jeffy is having the pleasure of one of his very first hard-ons – and in front of Granma, too!

    MT – brings me back to 10th grade biology, or guttin’ the wild trout to see exactly what the daily hatch is.
    Mark will most certainly find el cheapo brand grain or something in there.

    Curtis, yes, let’s downgrade ourselves to the Ebonics level, shall we?

    DtM – nice one, kid. Now stick the potato into the exhaust pipe and you’ll be all set for at least one day.

    FOOB – Foobapalooza! With two stages like the real thing!

  120. Calico
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    #112 – I think Becky is paying Gerald, but not in cash…

  121. Justafoob
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    The Beckster paying Gerold anything but cash is the day a Canadian team wins the Stanley Cup.

    She wouldn’t touch Gerolds drumstick if he were the last man in Canadia. She has gone roadside, but even sluts have standards.

    Gerold will be lucky if he can get HoooHawwww boy to touch him…..

  122. Gulielma
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: You…know…why…Ape…will…did..n’t…know…about..the..tel…e…thon? Where…they…want…ev…er..y…one..to par..ti…c…pate? Cause Sha…non was in charge of getting the word out. Seriously, using Shan…non as the exposition character?

    Lio: Can’t turn your back on your giant spider for a moment!

    RMMD: Will Hugh Avery learn that June is a nurse before Friday?

    Doonesbury: “Terrifying, but oddly refreshing.”

    Jump Start: Still ain’t funny.

    Baby Blues: ditto.

    Get Fuzzy: Heh. Love the crudely drawn Hello Kitty on Bucky’s bed. Dignity in a baggie indeed!

    PBS: Rat gets a company car!

    Funky Winkerbean: Watch where you drop those anvils! You almost hit my foot!

  123. Widdle Jeffy
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    “Gwamma, am I doing anything cute?”

    “Well, frankly Jeffy, No. I am glad your special ed teacher has taught you to think that you are a real member of society, but in all honesty you are a creepy little putz. Now go get Grandmama her “medicene” out of her purse.”

  124. O’Fogeyette
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    With two cups of coffee under my belt, I’m ready for some minor commentary:

    DT: I really, really hope this isn’t going to turn into an illegal immigrant story. That said, I just LOVE the Baron, especially when he is pining for his Gretchen.

    MT: Good times ahead! Mark intends to interrogate a duck! I wonder how he will do it… Splinters under the fingernails? Nope, no fingers. Pulling out her feathers one by one? I doubt he has the attention span for that. And waterboarding wouldn’t work, because ducks love water. Not to mention, of course, the fact that the duck is dead. Imagine his frustration: “Talk, damn you, talk! Tell me what you have been eating and where you got it! The last potato I interrogated was more forthcoming than you!”

  125. Calico
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    JP – Ol’ Sam really enjoys that Drywall for breakfast, doesn’t he? Marie must be a magnificent cook.

    MW – By NOT going to the damn Pool Party, Jeff is actually missing out on a great op to raise funds, or at least hand out Save the Children cards. Maybe Mary will play this guilt angle over the next several weeks (the pool party will actually commence in October, our time) and finally bring Jeff to the fete in handcuffs.
    BTW, Dr. Jeff, lay off the Xanax for a while.

  126. Teem
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    No expert on any of these comics, but now I know for sure April is a true Patterson saint, because she doesn’t complete Shannon’s sentences. Only a saint could resist that temptation.
    Regarding Mark Trail, should the windshield duck be a little messier, I’m not talking Mark Messier, I mean messier, as in guts all over that windshield messier?
    Does Dr Jeff Cory use Grecian Formula? I know he doesn’t use Viagra, why would the poor man?

  127. gh
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    O’Fogeyette, et al

    I’ve got 100 comments to read but wanted to throw this out there re the New Yorker caption contest: I don’t have any actual captions but thought someone might be inspired. It seems there could be a connection between the bird and
    1) runway model
    2) Vegas chorus line
    3) La Cage aux Faux
    4) Acapulco cliff diver

    All yours!

    With a noncompos mentis and a cha-cha-cha!

  128. John C Fremont
    June 19th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    # 51 & 62 – I thinks that’s Colt 45. June knows how to live. (There’s a Billy Dee Williams joke buried in there somewhere.)

    Looks as though Hugh’s trying out for Camelot in that last panel. Pretty sure that “WHAT are you?” line is from Lerner and Loewe…

  129. T. Chicana
    June 19th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    FW: That annoying smirky Les should just TELL the blonde boy w/ the big schnozzola that Lisa is his mother! Save everyone some postage. Jeeeeezus God in Heaven!!

  130. commodorejohn
    June 19th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    A3G – Who are all these Margo clones running around all over the place? Somebody fill me in, please.

    Archie – These numbers are somewhat goofy now – imagine what they must have been like when this strip was written (~1958.) Is this Archie or Richie Rich?

    A.D. – THIS. IS. NOT. F***ING. B.C.

    Crankshaft – Loss of physical ability to the ravages of time? Perfect comic-strip material!

    DTM – Okay, so…as much menace as a slightly rowdy eight-year-old. Big whoop.

    FC – No. No, you’re sitting on the couch.

    FOOB – How convenient! April can feel saintly and good about herself without having to associate with the rabble! This is…someone needs to rescue the real April from Anthony’s basement, fast.

    FW – Foreshadowing!

    GF – That Hello Kitty cat bed is the cherry on top of the sundae of how funny this storyline has been.

    Garfield – So that mold-breaking Jon-Liz relationship has worked out to having a third person staring at Garfield when he thinks the punchline. How depressing.

    Heathcliff – This is the first time I’ve ever read this bizarre Marmaduke/Garfield hybrid – I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t pheromone-filled bubblegum.

    MF – I’m not exactly sure how current events constitute a “new ‘Cold War.’” I mean, there’s not even any mutually-assured destruction in the mix. And besides, we’re fighting Heathen Infidels, not Godless Commies.

    MT – The Duck Whisperer.

    MW – He’s “heavily into” his fund-”raising drive.” And he’s “gotten great responses” and is going to “follow up relentlessly!” When did Mary Worth suddenly turn into Gil Thorp?

    RMMD – Hugh, it might be simpler to ask her what she does instead of questionin the air spirits.

    SM – Yowza.

    Edison Lee – Well, for starters, it’s composed primarily of sugar. But I suppose a little thing like caramel in the cylinders is small potatoes to someone with a Brilliant Mind.

  131. Hogen Mogen
    June 19th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Spidey 1978: I don’t think Tana was a member of the terrorists. I think she was a competing superhero chick. The only Liberation Front she was a member of was the Women’s Liberation Front.

  132. TB Tabby
    June 19th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    DtM: Just wait until he sees the hydraulics and the neon undercarriage. And to top it all off, he only did this so the German engineers would wreck it.

    Phantom: She’s not talking to Devil.

    MT: It’s CSI: Lost Forest!

    H&L: Hi will never appreciate you, Lois. Beautiful, sweet Lois. Come to my arms.

  133. Fried Froid w/ Squid
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy: The ‘Hello Kitty’ bed is great, but so is Bucky’s comment on Satchel, “The round hound of fleabound”.

    Zits: That’s not my teenager, that’s my wife.

  134. commodorejohn
    June 19th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    #132 TB Tabby – Freefall = YES.

  135. Mike P
    June 20th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    I AM IN YOUR POSTS LINKING TO MY BLOG.

    I tell you this because I’ve linked to this post from my blog, seeing as how my blog is “Spider-Man” comic strip-centric.

  136. Hoang Dai
    June 28th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Hi guys! I live in Vietnam, but I can’t buy Marvel comics in this country. because nowhere sell it. Please send me pages of spiderman comics by my e-mail jack111981@yahoo.com! Please help me! I love this character. and I love you too

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