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Mark Trail, 12/8/11

Hi everyone! You’ve probably been wondering what’s happening in Mark Trail. WOLVES! WOLVES! is what’s happening. Panel two is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen in this strip. Between Kelly’s huge eyes and flapping lapels and WOLVES!, I think I might even love it unironically. The fact that it’s heralding an epic bear vs. wolfpack fight is just icing on the cake.

Beetle Bailey, 12/8/11

Maybe Kelly Welly should have wandered into a gentler valley, like this one, full of animals that are the product of “scientists” doing “research,” as imagined by someone who isn’t really clear on what research entails or what scientists do or what animals look like. Ha ha, that one bird sure is boozing it up! That seems significant.

Mary Worth, 12/8/11

Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, this brutish ginger kidnapper-thug is going to perpetrate the most unspeakable crime anyone could imagine: he’s going to steal the sweater that Mary left at the diner. THE WOMAN ALREADY HAD HER PURSE STOLEN! HASN’T SHE SUFFERED ENOUGH???

296 responses to “WOLVES!

  1. Roy
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m with you, I just love these three panels, they almost make up for this whole . They are pure excitement.

    Spiderman: MJ is looking positively Wagnerian in her dreams, not just the outfit either, she has the build for it too

    A3G:  Further evidence today for my contention that Margo is one of the better, if not the best, human being on the comics page

  2. smacky
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MW: So he’s going to the diner where Mary does all her offsite meddling? And he’s walking past the “missing” poster while dragging said missing child (minus 4 inches of hair) behind him? Or is this just like the comic the other day, where different people have the same head for no apparent reason?

  3. Mibbitmaker
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]


    Crank: This strip unfair to Carla Speed McNeil! (protest sign)

    Doones: News? Shouldn’t even be getting entertainment from “Jersey Shore”!

    JP: When the “right” boy comes along, he won’t already have a GIRLFRIEND!!!

    MW: “Let go of the girl! The magic sign compells you!” (where’s that voice coming from?)

    Oh, and…


  4. Little Guy
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]


    MW: In before the “of course Rupert Grint decides to yank around a frightened kid in broad daylight and past a poster with her picture” Mungeons get their first cup of coffee….

    ASM: “Funny thing you mentioned that…. I fell sleep watching a DVD of Babylon 5 and I dreamt you were calling me ‘Ah-deeeeer-ah’…..”

  5. ArchieNemesis
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: This guy’s technique is straight out to the Idiot’s Guide to Kidnapping. Note the classic abductor’s arm yank, the hacked haircut to disguise the victim, and the fact that he is posing his abductee next to a Missing Child poster to facilitate her discovery and his incarceration. Yet, the residents of Santa Rosa all turn their backs, even as the victim makes an outcry. Won’t someone spout the necessary platitudes to stop this monster?

  6. ArchieNemesis
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Beaten to the punch again! Darn my wordiness.

  7. Little Guy
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    JP: Well, at least she admits that she tried to bribe him for his affections. Perhaps she’ll feel regret into goading Honey into threatening her when Honey is tossed out of school and into juvie.

  8. Little Guy
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#6): Coffee Break Simulapost!

  9. Pozzo
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    That poor bear can’t understand the wolves’ hostility toward Kelly.

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth

    Any resemblance between “Emily Smith” and a can of Dutch Boy® Paint is purely coincidental:

  11. Mibbitmaker
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Things I really want to see #8,568 (in a series of 15):

    The poster from MW, but with “MISSING” replaced by “WOLVES!

  12. Chareth Cutestory
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: While I thank the scientists for answering the question, “What would a snake look like wearing a shirt, complete with useless sleeves?” I’d still rather that they go cure a disease or something useful instead.

  13. teenchy
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Luann: I have no idea what TJ’s up to but I suspect we may learn a little about his sexual orientation before it’s all through. Or not.

  14. Mibbitmaker
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    BBailey: Actually, this is exactly what Mountie McQueen was afraid would happen in his neck of the wooded area if the media invaded over the goose banding! Kelly Welly needs to be STOPPED!

  15. pugfuggly
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    MT Ok, Elrod, we’ve watched this nonsensical story amble around Algae Valley for weeks now without a single moment of excitement or any real plot development, so let me be clear about something: there had better be a pack of wolves fighting a bear tomorrow. I don’t want to look at this strip tomorrow and see some wolves being scared off by a brave mountie, or Kelly and a bear climbing a tree, or a cut scene of Mark finishing his pancakes.

    Animal fight. Tomorrow. YOU OWE US!!!

    MW Waaaaaaait a second……I’m starting to suspect that that little girl might be EMILY SMITH! Wow, what are the odds, huh? I’m also going to predict that in this crowded diner, only Mary will be somehow be able to connect the dots between the cruel man dragging the young blond girl around and the poster on the door of the diner.

  16. gleeb
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    I don’t know about the Bear vs. Wolves fight. That bear seems to be shrugging, as if to say, “Waddaya want me to do about it, Lady? I’m muzzled over here.”

  17. Cyrith
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Anyone else think that Bear looks like Vader? If he does a top rope moonsault onto some wolves I will donate everything I have to the wilderness fund of Mark Trails choice.

  18. Dagger
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail knows that wildlife is beautiful and sacred, and that it is our responsibility to respect animals and protect them from harm.

    Except wolves. FUCK those guys.

  19. Chyron HR
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    MT – Don’t worry, Kelly, wolves never attack human beings! You, on the other hand, are in serious trouble.

    Luann – Oh, I get it now. Ann Eiffel is evil because she expected Brad the janitor to clean toilets and empty trash. Evil Ann Eiffel!

  20. Effluvius Erratus
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Spider-Ass, Spider-Ass,
    Never can let a comment pass,
    Bare your soul? Listen, chump,
    He’ll squat atop your dreams and take a dump,
    Look out! Here comes the Spider-Ass.

  21. Mumblix Grumph
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Oh for crying out loud! What kind of kidnapper takes a wanted kid into a densely populated area without slapping a disguise on the kid or at least a veil? Didn’t this low-brow learn ANYTHING from the Elizabeth Smart case?

    At least Bruno Hauptmann had the good sense to snag a kid with rich parents. Judging from the poor punctuation of the “missing” poster, the Smith family is comprised of marginally literate rural types who live in a home that has hubcaps.

  22. Izzy
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Is that squirrel on an iPad… or an Etch-a-Sketch?

  23. bats :[
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

  24. Minarets
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Zits: Oh, lookee thar….sigh. I can’t even make fun of it, on account of it being so abominably true sometimes.

    A3G: “I’ve made a terrible mistake! When Paul’s extended cult browbeat me into accepting the proposal, I was elated! And when he barged into my wedding dress shopping with judgments about my dress for a ceremony we never discussed and proceeded to whine for a kiss like a teenager, I was glad he cared! When his dad ran up a background check on me and Paul finished furnishing a nursery for a nonexistent child we never discussed we’d have, I was fine! But by god, when Gary my dead husband came in my dreams…I’m not so sure!”

    MT: Epic. Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, EPIC!

    Luann: I can’t help but like TJ – who else do you know flashes a solid block of teeth cheerfully for 5 years or more on end?

  25. Lolsworth
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    The secret origin of “Shoe”.

  26. Minarets
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Look, there stand Emily Smith’s blonde parents, admiring the MISSING poster, wondering where in the world she could be.
    “Look, Blonde wife,” Blond Husband will say, pointing to a carrot-top man and his blonde little charge. “He has a daughter, just like we did.”
    “Oh, blond husband!” Blonde wife will cry, bursting into tears. “Wherever could Blondimini-me be?!”

  27. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW: C’mon, if I wanted this I’d be watching Law&Order: SVU.

    9CL: Hey Edda, “Honey an adverb?” Don’t you really mean “rim job”?

  28. Eric W
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    We are missing a far more important detail: THAT BEAR HAS A FACEMASK AND WRIST GUARDS. Kelly Welly has just stumbled upon the WHL. WOODLAND HOCKEY LEAGUE. Is this finally confirmation that Mark Trail is a heavily coded anti-Canadian underground railroad of sorts? One duck for “he said eh, kill him”, two robins for “dammit the Mounties are invading” and epic wolves-versus-bears ice shenanigans for “all hope lost. Do not attempt rescue. Canadian jailers have caught on to my scheme.”

  29. ScienceGiant
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    You know, when the plotline with animals for Mark Trail is every bit as implausible as Beetle Bailey, then somethiWOLVES!

  30. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#10): “Abduct Hip Tony” is an anagram of “Dutch Boy Paint”, so Karen Moy may be trying to tell us something about the brutish ginger kidnapper-thug’s underworld connections. The “Hip Tony” sobriquet is similar to “Fat Tony” Salerno, who was a boss in the Genovese crime family. This leads us back to the previous Mary Worth storyline where the waitress Mary befriended was the daughter of a man who was witness to a mob hit. Could Emily Smith be the long-lost sister/daughter of Gina Baroni and/or Bobby Black?

  31. Liam
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    MT-The wolves have scared Kelly so bad she is losing her shape.

  32. lorne
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Andy Warhol’s corpse just reanimated and is shambling through Greenwich Village to get slightly altered prints of that “Wolves!” frame into galleries.

  33. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    SM: “Wait, Tiger, let me tell you about the rest of my dream! The flying horse was so capable, so masculine, so brave. And so this morning, I didn’t just visit the hair dresser. Peter, meet Sultan; he’ll be sleeping in my bed from now on.”

    JP: Perhaps the Amazing Sophie will think about drinking some milk instead of coffee. Girl needs calcium—no way she’ll be able to play a Bender Blaster with noodle arms.

    MT: It’s days like this that make me just love this strip.

    RA: Please note this date. On December 8, 2011, Donna A. Lewis somehow stumbled upon a semi-amusing comic strip. I guess next we can expect the Complete Works of Shakespeare According to a Room Full of Typing Monkeys.

    MW: Good lord. That kidnapper is dumb enough to be a Spider-man villain.

  34. tb4000
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MT: Although we assume the bear is jumping to attention to save Kelly Welly, in reality it’s realizing that if a bunch of feral wolves attempt to tear her to pieces, it saves itself the trouble.

  35. Dennis Jimenez
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MT – Don’t follow the strip anymore, but I’m sure the bear is thinking if there was any justice at all, Kelly-Welly would be wearing the muzzle – not him….

    BB – So by “scientist” they must mean Boxcar Willie style hobo….

    MW – I always wondered what became of Rowdy Roddy Piper….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  36. lorne
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Actually, in all sincerity, every frame of today’s Mark Trail is awesome. Setting aside the fact that this is the culmination of the ludicrous “Kelly follows the tame bear to find the forgotten valley’s trove of Bible goose band gold” story, the artist really sells it today. It’s great story-telling and it’s actually kind of suspenseful.
    Seriously, Josh, what’s that bear gonna do next?!?

  37. Edwin Herdman
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    MT: That bear would save you from the wolves, Kelly, but somebody thought it’d be a better idea to muzzle and declaw him so he could haul ore in the gold mines. Ha ha, you’re screwed now!

    MW: Check it out, the girl’s hair style is different every place she appears in this panel. Evil Jack McClane (at least, that’s his ID in panel #2) is not going to be foiled easily…unless Mary Worth decides to bake a casserole for him.

    You have to feel bad for Mary Worth – when every other comic character fails to age a day from the strip they were introduced in over half a century ago, Mary Worth’s universe conspires against her with random hair shape-shifting. Sorry Mary, your memory’s fine – it’s just the fabric of the universe that is out to get you.

    Beetle Bailey: Rated T for Alcoholic References..? …wait…

  38. Spencer
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Bearing in mind that this is a world where dogs regularly wear full military garb and walk around on their hind legs, I think Sarge has reached his conclusion based on the fact that these animals appear to be both clinically depressed (drinking bird, catatonic moose) and, with the exception of the snake contemplating suicide, completely naked. I have no idea who gave that mouse an iPad and/or broken Etch-a-sketch.

  39. Edwin Herdman
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Also, there’s not nearly enough grease on that guy’s tee.

  40. Droopy Says
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: The bear looks like it just figured out that “Kelly” is a nickname for “Clarisse.” As for the wolves, Kellywelly knows how to handle them:

  41. The Divine O'F
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Josh–your comment on the latest MW plot twist made me spew coffee on my new keyboard. Are you allowed to win COTW?

  42. Mary Worthless
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Sadly, when Mary walks into the diner and sees Emily Smith and her abducter she will not remember seeing the poster.

    She will recover her sweater and sit down for a nice piece of pie. She will look plaintively for that nice waitress Joanie, or is it Jeannie?, so she can talk to her about her long lost boyfriend Billy from Philadelphia.

    Where is that darn waitress?

    She will have to leave the diner to wander the streets looking for her lawyer friend Gary, Jerry?, Goofy?, and have a meal with him at the Hobo House.

    Moy, what are you doing? I don’t feel like myself. Moy? Moy?

    Daisy, Daisy, give mmmmmmmeeeeeee yourrrrrrrr answerrrrrrr doooooooooooooo………

  43. bbofun
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    BB- Uh-oh, Sarge and Yo (and don’t think for a moment I’m not chagrined that I didn’t have to look up that name) have stumbled onto the second hidden valley, where Father McQueen’s experiments have continued. No longer do the animals live in peace, they have now taken on human characteristics! Witness the alcoholic bird and the poor moose being used as a hatrack by the other animals. It’s madness, I tells ya, madness! Saddest of all- the snake in pajamas, sleeping upside-down from a tree limb. Poor bastard thinks he’s a bat.

    MT- Well, for those of you hoping for some bear-on-wolf action (and, no, I refuse to Google that), just remember that the bear is wearing a muzzle and claw-guards, and has been raised in a valley where all its natural aggression has been bred out.

    In other words, Kelley’s doomed.

    Cranky- So, Crank’s being tested for cancer and his daughter’s (yes! I don’t know her name! All is not lost!) computer has a virus or something. How can we tie these two together- hmm, the son and daughter will be really upset that they have a broken computer, but, in the end, it turns out Crank has cancer, so it’s all okay? Sounds about right…

    JP- “You know, Princess, you never fail to amaze me- you are such an egocentric bitch!”

  44. Rob
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MW: At this point, I am simply wondering what the kidnapper’s motivation is, since tacking the issue of pedophilia isn’t the kind of meddling Mary Worth is known for — and since there’s no apparent ransom demand. Is he some kind of closet Aryan, hoping to keep young Emily as breeding stock? Did he lose a blonde, blue-eyed, child at a shopping mall, never to get her back? Or will this story arc end with no logical resolution? Stay tuned…

  45. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    9CL: adverb me in the art, honey!

    AD: guest -written by Wiley this week?

    IP: lol at the SFx.

    Lio: daaaaaang! good kitty!

    SBp: got a little Calvinistic on that third one.

    Zits: I hear the sound of thousands of music majors crying out. . . .

    Bizarro: NOOOOO!

    RwO: you want to avoid the Acme(TM) brand bananas.

    6Cx: guest-starring Sara Toomey and the same joke from Zits.

  46. Clint Brawny
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Does anyone else think the snake in Beetle Bailey looks like it has been turned into stone?

  47. Canton
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    BB: And thus we learn the secret origin of Sgt. Snorkel’s most unusual dog…

  48. Chip Whittle
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Sincere Non-Ironic Comic Moment:

    Frank Page is considering ending Bob the Squirrel, which doesn’t get a lot of mention here because it’s usually entertaining. He talks about coming to this decision point on his blog, and today seems heartened by how many like his work, but if you do want to see the strip continue it may be worth saying so as he’s deciding this week whether this is the last month of the strip.

    Insincere Ironic Comics Moments:

    Buckles: I think it’s dangerous for a comic strip I only ever see online to talk about how much better newspapers are when you don’t read them online.

    Curtis: So, did Curtis just get the luggage out on the off chance Barry would say he wanted to live in Santa’s Workshop? Because that’s a very specific sort of sarcasm to be ready for.

    Hazel: “That’s my kind of Santa! Female and dressed in leather!”

    The Christmas season really brings out how the colorizing idiots can’t figure a way to render red as red.

    Mark Trail: I had no idea Jack Elrod even wanted to be on FurAffinity.

    And somehow the FurAffinity version is the less weird one.

    Mary Worth: “You’re hurting my arm..” “Tough! We’re gong to DINER and you’re getting an open-face fried egg sandwich if it kills me!”

  49. mojo
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    I can’t help but think “You’re hurting my arm!” has to be in Chapter One of the Hollywood Cliché Guide of Things to Say to Your Abductor. Chapter Two is devoted to the scrawny guy who gets shoulder-biffed on the street by some giant, shotgun-wielding thug walking the other way (like, say, the Terminator), who somehow feels the need to turn around and go “Hey! Watch it!” instead of just being silently grateful he survived the encounter.

  50. Scott Bot
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    GT – Marshall, trust me on this one – wandering around showing off your tattoo to everyone really isn’t gonna get you girls. Just sayin’.

    MT – Oh, my God, they’re wolves!!! (apologies to Les Nessman)

    MW – Kidnapping? Boy, Ron White is going to extremes to find new material for his stand up routine.

    RMMD – Look, Tanya, you look like a reasonably intelligent, resourceful girl. You realize that your friend has a serious problem, you are obviously a take charge kinda person, and you have a cell phone. Has it ever occured to you that maybe instead of bitching to everyone about what Spider is and isn’t gonna do, maybe you should call 911 yourself??? Just a thought.

  51. Chareth Cutestory
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MT: Try opening the image for this strip in a separate tab so you’ve got a nice, isolated view of it and nothing else. Then start cranking “The Wolves” by Bon Iver in your headphones. It adds a strange layer of unnecessary melodrama.

  52. word-doctor
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    MT: Will the wolves be satisfied with a Nikon thrown from a troika?

  53. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    having gone out of my way to read a ASM strip that wasn’t featured by Josh, I am undecided about mentioning the Kirby-esque pegasus, or just making a MLP:FIM joke.

  54. Anonymous
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @mojo (#49): I think the number one most commonly-said dumb thing is, “You don’t have the guts to shoot me.”

    Seriously — why?!

  55. FafMor
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Actually, today’s Beatle Bailey is highly significant – the first depiction of a tablet (probably a Kindle Fire, judging by the size – too small to be an iPad) in mainstream comics. And the irony of a mouse using it’s finger as a pointing device is sublime. Someone at BB has uncovered the secret formula that alcohol+technology=humor and we’re just now catching onto it.

  56. Chip Whittle
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Sam and Silo: “Is what we do important? The world’s in chaos, and we’re trying to catch a mugger.” “Well, if we’re not trying to catch a mugger, then we’re just a cross-dressing man and a guy wearing a mopey depressed dog costume, so, I hope we’re cops or something.”

    Spider-Man: Hey, look at that, Mary Jane’s dreaming of being in Sam and Silo.

    Zippy the Pinhead takes modern art to task for being too self-awaredly kitsch-prone. Next, Brooke McEldowney attacks modern writers for having half-digested an excessive abundance of thesauruses.

  57. wossname
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    DT – Ah, the switcheroo has begun. That’s not really Putty Puss, Dick, that’s somebody he’s made up to look like him while he makes a daring escape.

    Plug – If you only take four pills, you, sir, are no Plugger.

    FW – Good to see that Keisha has been inducted into the Secret Society of the Smirk.

    JP – If you’ve suddenly gotten so smart, Sophie, and realized Derek’s not for you, why are you still withholding the guitar as punishment?

    MW – I agree with everything that’s been said about the idiocy of this kidnapper/victim/poster/situation. But you gotta admit – Giella has actually drawn a person who doesn’t look like every other person in the strip.

  58. mojo
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    MT: At the risk of sounding like Lloyd “…you’re no John Kennedy” Bentsen, I’ve actually worked with wild-caught wolves in my sordid past. (Just last month I put a bunch of clips to that effect up on my YouTube channel, if anyone is interested.) So I know something about wolves, and, ummm…. wolves don’t really *do* that. If you were a moose, I’d say it’s time to worry, but a bear and a human? They’d just leave you alone, and chances are you’d never even know they were there.

    Unless, of course, they’re somehow PET wolves. Which, for some reason, appears to be okay in the MT universe, though not something any rational nature-lover would EVER seriously endorse.

    But it *is* fun to say. WOLVES!

  59. Marc
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- I can’t seem to figure out what is happening with the little girl’s hair in panel one. It’s driving me nuts, and now I’m pretty sure the rest of my work day is going to be completely unproductive until I figure this out.

    Funky- Yeah Summer, actually Bull did put in lot of time and effort into helping you rehab. He didn’t have to spend countless hours of his own time with you. He could have just left you to your own devices and you could have paid for physical therapy. All that was time he could have spent with his balding wife and weird daughter. I know you’re Les Moore’s daughter, but holy shit, get over yourself.

    Luann- TJ plans on changing the meaning of a “Mega Weenie Value Pack”.

  60. Just Call Me E
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Zits: Well, as a person with a doctorate in music theory and composition I have to disagree with Jeremy; my degrees prepared me really well for my current career….as a computer programmer! ;-P

  61. Tom the Sailor Man
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp – “Unnecessary and pretentious”? Pretty harsh criticism coming from a guy who wears a BOW TIE to high school!

  62. Digger
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    BB: So now we finally know the origins of the Slylock Fox universe.

  63. Esther Blodgett
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    WOLVES! should be inserted into Panel 2 of every single comic strip. In some cases, not just the word, but actual wolves. Hungry ones. I’m looking at you, Kwame Curtis.

  64. mojo
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#54):

    HA! Yes, every time we watch The Sound of Music and Captain von Trapp uses that on Ralph (I think that’s his name), my husband always shouts “Shoot him! Shoot him!” at the screen. CvT is just SOOOO contemptuous when he says it—it’s like, an adult against a child: what are you trying to PROVE? You WANT this kid to stay with Hitler? ‘Cuz that’s what you’re doin’, Mister Edelweiss!

  65. Voshkod
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    In a very special Mark Trail, the issue of the sport of bear baiting is addressed. A muzzled bear faces three wolves for the entertainment of a pink-clad woman. But when it all goes tragically wrong, Mark is there to pick pieces of pink shirt from the ground, while wisely saying, “If only Kelly had gone straight to the police . . . .”

    And knowing is half the battle.

  66. rembrandt36
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    MW – this storyline is a little unsettling…
    JP – stupid bitch
    Zits – someone PLEASE kill Jeremy
    9CL – surprisingly no snark from me lately
    SM – Peter is one to woo the ladies. Ass hat.

  67. Dr. Y. Zowl
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    If Roy Liechtenstein were still around, he’d be all over that WOLVES! panel like Andy Capp on a pint of ale. Pure gold.

  68. anon
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    9CL – Unlike the whole rest of the world, I am not obsessed with people’s posteriors. But it seems to me Edda’s ass is rather flat and unremarkable. I cringe to think of Amos involved in the display of Edda’s ass in any context.

  69. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Is it Heironymus Bosch day in Beetle Bailey and no one told me?

    Maybe if they’re lucky, one of the radioactive fauna will bite them and give them the proporionate strength of a iPhone-using mouse or a buck-toothed, nearsighted, bowler-hat-wearing avian cacophany of stupid.

    Seriously, did Sarge and Yo happen upon FurryCon 2011, or is he having some kind of drug induced hallucination? I knew this sort of thing would happen if they ever got rid of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

    …And the sleeves of the shirt of the upside-down snake-like-organism should be hanging down. It’s one thing to create abominations in defiance to the will of God, but please have the common decency not to rewrite the laws of gravity.

  70. Esther Blodgett
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    FW: Keisha’s impression of Dudley Dickerson is impressive, albeit baffling in context.

    GT: I thought you had to be 18 to get a tattoo. How many times has Marshall been left back? Wait, there’s probably a football pun in there. Left back…18…big dumb jock with a tattoo…nah, maybe not.

    S-M: Dear Mr. Lee: 1) No woman has used the term “hair-do” in at least 30 years. 2) Pulling back 10% of your hair into an ugly ponytail is not a “hair-do.”

  71. pugfuggly
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    And now, Warhol’s Kelly Welly

  72. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Poteet regrets the late-night snack, then realized that it’s not a dream.

    more loldogs for bb,u.

    The thug is a swerve. Here is what *really* happened to the missing kid in MW.

    Actual texts between Gunther and Maria.

    yay. (with extra Bob Ross)

    I .gif you ikkle otter tummyrub!!!! (brain puree)

    corgi pup as a reindeer. (brainmush)

    speaking of dreams and otters, I dreamt that I was playing with a rescue otter last night. I made sure to remember it, unlike the rest of the Dreamtime randomness.

  73. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#48): That is totally my kind of Santa, too. I’d put something big in that pot!

  74. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#71): well played! *applaz*

  75. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey

    The derby-wearing bird looks like a World War Two-era racist caricature of a Japanese man. Seriously, Walker, what were you thinking? And to add insult to injury, you didn’t even do a gag about Pearl Harbor in yesterday’s strip!

  76. Eric
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Yeah, I do remember those scientists doing research here, now you mention it… Has anybody seen that Dr. Moreau?

  77. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#72): Can one still cry “WOLVES!” if it’s squee?

  78. doggans
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    The second and third panel of this Mark Trail REALLY need to become an internet meme.

  79. Frank Lee MeiDere
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @mojo (#64): Yes! I’d forgotten that instance, but I feel the same way your father does whenever I see it. When faced with some hot-head wielding a gun, what kind of suicidal compulsion would prompt anyone to egg him on?

    Another one that annoys me is when a person is chased down the street by a car. Is there anyone in real life who wouldn’t simply take off across neighbour’s lawns? Duck behind a tree? Anything, other than running straight down the street while the car gains on them? Hell, I got chased by a car in a frikin’ parking lot when I was a teen, and rather than running in a straight line, I circled the light standard. Doesn’t take genius to realize that cars aren’t nearly as maneuverable as a human.

    (PS: Anonymous was me. I’m at a different computer that doesn’t automatically know me.)

  80. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    The Girl Who Cried “WOLVES!”
    And the bear is thinking “Ya had to put all this protective crap on me, didn’t ya?”

    The bear starts to run away. Kelly says “You’ll never outrun the wolves!” The bear thinks “I don’t have to outrun the wolves, I only have to outrun YOU.”

  81. Voshkod
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#75): You think you can shame Walker about racial stereotypes in his throwaway drawing of a bird when Cpl. Yo is front and center in the same strip? We can only be grately he doesn’t give Yo buck teeth as well.

  82. Chip Whittle
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn Director’s Commentary today made me remember the story about Isaac Asimov accidentally dropping a marble while he sat in one of his classes, and that story amused me greatly. So, uh, thanks, I guess.

    Pluggers are beginning to notice their lives have been deemed economically non-viable. If they’d just spent another year oblivious we’d have got them.

    Reply All: Why is Donna Lewis talking to a ghost clown? Is it a message from beyond? If it is a message from beyond, why is it being delivered by a pie-in-the-face?

    Tarzan: Yeah, a good knife will make the weakling human the superior of the fierce gorilla, but I have to point out, it’d make the fierce gorilla way more superior to the weakling human.

    So was Edgar Rice Burroughs having a laugh when Tarzan taught himself to read or were we just supposed to sincerely take that as sign of Tarzan’s awesomeness?

    You know, like Tarzan, Mark Trail also grew up in the wild, untutored by human beings, and learning all about society from a friendly pack of giant squirrels.

    Wee Pals know those kids today love their gags about logarithms.

  83. Just Call Me E
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Josh – if you slap that second panel of Mark Trail on a t-shirt or a coffee mug, I will so totally buy it!

  84. SequelMan
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    The Knight Life: Seems to be sliding down the poopily slippery slope into Marvinville. The latest gag – tossing filled diapers at cars in some poopish version of road rage is not only gross, it’s dangerous – I can just see some a-hole trying it for real.

  85. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    BB: I’m not sure what advanced research would make moose passive enough to act as hatracks. Hasn’t thorazine already been invented?

    MW: Obviously, if you kidnap a kid and cut her hair so that no one can recognize her, the first thing you want to do is drag her to where there’s a “Missing” poster hanging, so everyone can compare. “Hey you, see this girl? She doesn’t look anything like the kid on the wall, right? Two totally different brats. Heh-heh, genius.”

    DT: The cable network has half the Van Halen logo on their stuff. Their slogan must be “All of the Van, none of the Halen.”

    RMMD: Just in case Rex getting there isn’t enough to save Kelly (which…) it’s nice to know that Tori Amos is pleading with Mister Heatmiser for help.

    H&L: If Family Circus can reuse panels from the sixties, who says Hi & Lois can’t do reruns from before the Army-McCarthy hearings?

    S4th: Pantsless gnomes always make Sally cry.

    9CL: In the spirit of accentuating the positive… That’s some really nice clipart of the New York skyline. If only it were a little less cluttered.

    OBH: The dog hiding from Ruthie’s rage is a nice touch.

    Blondie: Nice one, Dag.

    FW: Summer isn’t used to seeing this kind of unearned arrogance in anyone who’s not a blood relative.

    SL: So that’s how symbiosis works.

    H-Cliff: Wonderful. Because everyone knows that if you’re house is infested with rodents, it’s best that they be infected with something.

    Drabble: They really are perfect for each other. Both of them would prefer to be with someone who’s black.

    JP: “When I meet the right boy, I won’t have to bribe him. I’ll just have to put out.”
    “You really are a wonder. Wait, what was that last part?”

    DtM: Next, ask how the good/bad ratio is affected by hanging racist “Chinaman” ornaments on the tree.

  86. gkl
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    MT: Bear vs. wolfpack fight? I think we’re just one interspecies hell-baby away from the next Twilight.

  87. Ned Ryerson
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    BB: Obviously one of the “scientists” is Count Weirdly, who is working to answer many important questions:
    Can dogs provide routine veterinary care to other dogs?
    Can mice use smart phones?
    How much booze can a bird drink before it falls off a hedge?
    Is a bird a viable substitute for Jerry Lewis?
    What are the hatrack capabilities of a comatose moose?
    Can snakes survive without pants?

  88. tb4000
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MT (again): Internet nerds are just gonna steal that second panel and insert any random word into it as the newest catchphrase. Kelly saying “PORN!” or Kelly saying “FUCK!” and so forth.

  89. Anonymous
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#70): Yay! Shout out to my favorite ‘honorary Stooge’!

  90. Vince M
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Dang, 89 was me.
    I too am awed at Panel 2 Kelly. The head distortion in that take is almost Averyesque – if only the wolves were wearing sharp suits and driving mile-long roadsters.

  91. bats :[
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#41): oh, mr. bats :[ isn’t going to like hearing that.

    And there are worse things than WOLVES! and missing children…

  92. NoahSnark
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    With phase one of Project Anthropomorphize complete, scientists now turn their attention to giving human characteristics to the residents of Camp Swampy.

  93. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]


    I have nothing else to say but I think that says it all.
    In fact I’ll say it again.


  94. von Gekko
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    MT: We may see the bear use Kelly’s desperate moment to barter for his freedom.   “Well, my dear, it seems that you are in need of a champion when all you have is a captive.  I will not fight as your slave, but free me from my bonds and let us face the wolves together!”

  95. The Silent Penultimate Panel
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Sarge: “Isn’t this the area where those scientists were doing research? It must be: look at all these anthropomorphic animals wearing clothes and acting part animal, part human. Such an unnatural, unholy abomination! Let’s get out of here and get back to base! I actually need to be getting back anyway: I told my dog Otto that I’d iron his uniform before the dance tonight. He has a hot date, and I don’t want to let him down!”

  96. The Silent Penultimate Panel
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    The Silent Penultimate Panel formerly known as Krazy Kat, btw…

  97. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#43): I’m pretty sure if you catch bear-on-wolf action online, at least one of them will be gay-for-pay. Although it would be nice to have Dingo’s expertise on this one.

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#91): You got the bolding pattern down perfect in panel 1. Bee-yootiful!

  99. TheDiva
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    MT: Panel two is the best Roy Lichtenstein print never made.

    MW: I suspect the current arc is referencing the urban legend about kidnappers who accost children in the bathroom of (insert big box store/amusement park/seemingly innocent public place name here), give them a quick haircut and change of clothes, and carry them out the front door with no one the wiser. This being Mary Worth, a) the kidnapper is clumsy and obvious about it but b) nobody will catch on but Mary, who is So Wise because she Thinks of Other People.

    A3G: LuAnn’s two brain cells finally start waving and attracting each other’s attention.

    C’shaft: …Really, you’re not even pretending these are jokes anymore, are you?

    FW: Now Summer’s going to throw the entire season just to spite Bull. That’ll teach him for forgetting it’s all about her!

    Luann continues to have no relationship with anything in this reality.

  100. Liam
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    MT-Kelly is going to get some exciting photos of a wolf’s digestive system.

  101. Liam
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    JP-Don’t worry Sophie there are lots of guys you can buy, they’re called gigaloos.

  102. The Wacky Curmudgeon
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    ASM – So she had as dream that she was Red Sonja ? Didn’t Marvel already do that
    boring story already?

    Apt3G – So all of a sudden the dream theme is cropping up in both ASM and 3G -
    Gee Luann – Ya think maybe when he asked you to marry him right in front of all of his relatives and they all yelled SAY YES ! that there was something wrong ?

    Beetle-Bailey- Nice one with that bird knocking down a fifth .

    JP- Sams smug observation that Sophie is amazing because of the fact
    that she finally says”when the right one comes along i wont have to bribe him”
    Why should she when Daddy thinks she’s amazing , she can just bat her eyelashes and they will come running , Yeah right . NOT .ha ha

    MW – Here comes out next contrived story , maybe the little girl will tie her hair
    up in a ponytail and oh well booooring

    Moose and Molly – Ok so how can they afford to go out to eat when Moose never seems to be able to hold a job, Molly doesnt work ,bill collectors are always banging on the door .Yet they they can afford to order pizza ,go out to diners which by the way even the avg meal at a dinner is 8 dollars per person. The grandmother obviously has no money nor does Molly so how is it that they still have electricity to run the TV ? I know it’s a comic strip but in this day and age of bad unemployment and such – it’s just not a funny strip but more of one that is all too real with people who should be on the street.

    Rex Morgan – Gosh if she dies were all in big trouble. Ya think ? How about
    joining the human race people

    Zits – Does anyone else want to see Jeremy get run over by a bus

  103. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#33):

    SM: “Wait, Tiger, let me tell you about the rest of my dream! The flying horse was so capable, so masculine, so brave. And so this morning, I didn’t just visit the hair dresser. Peter, meet Sultan; he’ll be sleeping in my bed from now on.”

    And so MJ’s transformation into Abbey Spencer-Driver is complete.

  104. twg
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh really, let me just sign this without you telling me how that’s going to work or reading whatever I’m signing! Usually employers sign things you give them; that happens all the time! Now then, you’re all hired so what’s the first step? Collect underpants, you say?

    JP: Just what I always wanted, a boyfriend I had to bribe to be with me! Oh wait, that’s stupid? NOoooooOOO I was just kidding I don’t want that. Wah wah, I hate Sophie.

    RMMD: Oh noooo we couldn’t possibly call 911!

  105. bats :[
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @von Gekko (#94): Kelly hastily agrees and removes the muzzle and leather mitts, upon which time Honey replies, “Ciao, baby!” and scampers off into the woods.
    The End.

  106. groddeck
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Ripped from the (2010) headlines:

    Wolves killed Alaska teacher in 2010, state says

  107. Little Guy
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Digger (#62): So THAT’S where Ed’s and Mel’s strip retired!

  108. word-doctor
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#65):

    So, in poaching cases don’t tell the police, lest the fur-boodlers be tipped off. But if there are WOLVES involved, police are appropriate?

  109. lenoxus
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    The wolf in MT panel 1 looks quite thoughtful.

  110. Dood
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail:
    Kelly Welly, your story’s so fine
    Takin’ pictures of that gold mine
    (Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo)

    In touch with the ground
    We’re on the hunt we’re after you
    Smell like we sound, we’re lost in a crowd
    And we’re hungry like the…WOLVES!

  111. Hi There
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]


    A sad trumpet plays as Summer realizes Coach Bull does not have her best interests at heart. She wonders about the other authority figures in her life.

  112. Red Greenback
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

  113. Not Just Any Dipstick
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: PAY ATTENTION! I went thru this yesterday. NO wolf would go near a bear. Not ever. A bear kills by swatting. One swat each, and all the wolves are dead. Teeth and claws are for ripping up and eating. The wolves know this. AND, AGAIN, there is NOT ONE documented case of wolves attacking a human. DUH!.

    A wolf CANNOT hurt a bear by biting it. The fur and skin is too thick. So STOP acting like this is even potentially a rational situation.

  114. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Re-FOOB: A reward?? Ohhhhh, *retch…retch…..retch…..baaaaaaarf*….. Only in the fucking FOOBiverse does shit like this happen!!

    Luann: This is like Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort crossing wands…….or Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader crossing lightsabers……or Yoda vs Count Dooku……the only difference being that both Ann Eiffel and TJ are total, complete, 100% shysters.

    MT: Who writes this shit?

    MW: Who writes this shit?

    Beetle: What the French, Toast?

  115. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me or does Kelly Welly look a little Lucy-ish in the above picture. Like she’s been going incognito as a showgirl, and she just realized that Ricky’s not fooled by the black wig.

    The classic sitcoms you love, plus WOLVES!

  116. Chyron HR
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#114): Now that you mention it, there is something Vader-like about the big black helmet that Ann Eiffel always wears.

    That’s her WHAT?!

  117. m1ngle
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail panel 3 looks straight out of an Achewood comic strip.

  118. Voshkod
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @word-doctor (#108): No, no. Kelly should have called the police. Mark would either reason with the wolves in their simple yet elegant shared language, or punch the furry little bastards into submission.

  119. A New Day
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    BB: I seriously just spent a full minute trying to figure out why a ‘researcher’ would feel the need to hang an oscillating fan off the side of a moose-dog’s horns. I finally realized that it’s a baseball cap (I think), and this provided a moment of “oh, o.k. then.” But that thought was quickly followed by “well no, that doesn’t really clarify things either. Wait, what the hell?” I expect this phase of my relationship to the strip to last me for the rest of my life.

  120. mojo
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @groddeck (#106):

    Yep. I remember that. Two theories: one, that the wolves had become habituated to humans (usually due to idiots FEEDING wild animals and “making friends” with them–Helllloooo, Mark Trail? Hellloooo!) or two, she was running (jogging), which triggers the instinct to give chase. Or both.

    Mountains lions–which are basically really, REALLY big cats–are notorious for occasionally jumping joggers and bikers, because the fast movement is as irresistible as a feather-on-a-stick and a human’s about the size of a deer. Dogs also chase things that are moving fast away from them.

    Moral: if you’re out in the woods, NEVER RUN. Anything bigger than a squirrel can outrun you, anyway, and if it’s a predator, you’re just ASKING to play the Mouse Hockey game, as I have dubbed what my cat does… except you‘ll be the mouse.

  121. Jessy
    December 8th, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    MW/BB: The “scientists” who were doing “research” are going to be mightily pissed if this snarling goon fouls up the kidnapping. Emily Smith is a genetic miracle: her hair has grown a good four inches since yesterday’s strip, and even appears to have grown between Panel 1 and Panel 2. The thug has strict instructions to take her directly to Camp Swampy, and he’s stopping off for lunch! And judging from the garbage bin behind his quarters, General Halftrack has already discontinued Rogaine treatments . . .

  122. Scott Bot
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Is this gonna be some sort of WWE event? ‘Jheri Curl and Helmet Head – the grudge match continues!!!’

  123. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    BG&theotherguy: 5440 days since Barney left! I’m fairly sure wolves were not involved. But who can say?

  124. John Small Berries
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think Beetle Bailey represents Greg+Mort Walker’s unfamiliarity with what research entails, but a rather ingenious reference to the cargo cult phenomenon.

    The forest animals had observed that they were rewarded with food after the scientists performed strange rituals; now that the scientists are gone, they are attempting to reproduce those (poorly understood) rituals themselves, in hopes of winning the favor of the gods and obtaining the food again.

  125. NotThatGuy
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    MT: And tomorrow, the mountain lions arrive! And then we get moose! Culminating in a flock of pandas!

  126. Stroker Ace
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    BB – Finally Drinky Crow appears in BB! Drinky & Gen.Halftrack should have their own strip.

  127. Chip
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh what a world it would be if every criminal walked around, shabbily dressed, with a permanent sneer or scowl on his or her face!

    MT: MY Christmas wish is for Kelly to remove the muzzle and gloves from the bear, only to have the bear maul her to death and then the wolves can scavenge whats left of the carcass!

  128. Poteet
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    MW — It’s Day Eleven of the Emily Smith storyline, and we’ve seen the poster eight times.

  129. cmd
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Yes Kelly: WOLVES! Better wake up the bear-gimp.

  130. Ned Ryerson
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]


  131. Marc
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois- Lois is doing a wonderful job raising little Josephine McCarthy there. Chip is a long haired slacker, Ditto is dumbass, and Trixie thinks the sun can talk, so Lois has failed with all of her other kids. However she’s quite pleased with the way she’s molding her mini clone and the level of bitchiness that Dot has achieved at such a young age.

  132. Marvin's Mom
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Most scientists I know wear bowler hats to do their field research. It’s just a sign of respect to the animals.

  133. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Beetle – Snorkel and Yo have stumbled upon a magical land. It’s different from our world in six ways! Can you find them all?

    9 – Yeah, Amos would recognize that cheeky ol’ adverb anywhere, no matter what’s written on it.

    Herb – What th—? I’d always taken those huge black regions on Ernie’s face to be eyebrows. But there’s another set of brows above them. What a freak! His freaking eyebrows have eyebrows!

  134. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    love is… …when he massages your stumps.


    Mark – I can only hope that Sunday’s strip has Mark explaining to us that wolves don’t really eat people. They just like to pester them. (“I’m not licking you. I’m not lllllllicking you! Is your name reeeeeeeeally Kelly Wellyl? that’s a mighty funny name. I like to say Kellywelly! Kellywelly, kellywelly, kellywelly. Hey, you like see food? I think I’m going to hum for a while now. I’m not licking you!!”)

  135. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke – “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it. What do they feed him?”

    Mary – “Of course I’m hurting your arm, you little brat. It’s so you won’t smile. Along with the pink bow, those are the only two identifying features that distinguish you from 75% of the background characters in this burg. Now let’s go. These idiot plots don’t move themselves.”

    Zippy – Don’t worry, crying big-eyed kid in the last panel! “Somebody Loves You!” [*]

  136. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#y237): Thanks. Listening now. Not remembering it yet.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#72): I’ve never seen Grimace look so… saturnine. [*]

    @tb4000 (#88): You mean… it’s going to GO VIRAL??

  137. Marc
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @The Wacky Curmudgeon (#102): RE: Moose & Molly- My biggest beef with this strip is that it’s so horribly disjointed and nonsensical that it gives you a headache just trying to figure out if there’s a point to it or if it’s just a whole bunch of random panels thrown together. Well the Sunday version anyways, that being the only time I see it.

  138. Anonymous
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#97): “if you catch bear-on-wolf action online
    And as I recall, we’ve seen OTTERS! in the valley. Luckily for her, Kelly has her camera and a potential lucrative opportunity for a spread in a different magazine with a significantly larger circulation.

  139. Rixter
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#138): Ooops – that was me. Darned missing cookies!

  140. Marvin's Mom
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    I have an important question: Where are people reading their comics nowadays since went down? Is there ANYWHERE online I can look at a bunch at once? I really hate loading one strip at a time and I just don’t read a lot of them anymore unless Josh posts them, and I miss them. That Chron page was so awesome. Why did they stop that?

  141. Barto
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    WOLVES! OK, how is a bear with repetitive stress syndrome going to take on a wolf-pack? It’s also rather disconcerting that Kelly apparently became aware ofthe wolves long before the bear who clearly has a complete WTF? look on it’s face through the S&M accoutrement)

  142. Shrug
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    I’d wondered what former WWF wrestler Big Van Vader was doing these days. From the looks of panel 3 in MARK TRAIL, he still has the same build and is still wearing the same leather face mask, but his hair seems to have turned from blond to brown, and there certainly seems to be more of it.

  143. Edgy DC
    December 8th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Wow. The dumbass is brutalizing his kidnapping victim in broad daylight in front of a poster of her missing face. Santa Royale detectives have it easy. Who’d have guessed that solving felony cases in Mary Worth is easier than in Shylock Fox?

  144. Dood
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Hurting her arm? Beefchunk McThug is getting ready to lift that diner off it’s foundation with one arm. Where’s Spiderman?

  145. bats :[
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Edgy DC (#143): well, no. Santa Royale detectives get shot a lot in warehouse district stake-outs.

  146. Rixter
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Did anyone notice that in panel 2, other than the hair, Margo and LuAnn look remarkably alike? Eerie.

    Luann: Shouldn’t TJ be wearing a hairnet? Perhaps a fire-proof hairnet?

    CS: “and I couldn’t find anything.
    What did you expect? It says so much about you, your nameless spouse, and the featureless background of your void of a world.

    BB: They are doing animal research. And by that I mean research conducted by animals for animals. “So long and thanks for all the fish.”

  147. Shrug
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Cyrith (#17):

    Damn. Should have read the existing comments before adding mine. Cyrith gets the credit.

  148. Liam
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth-Ted, no one knows what you are talking about.

    MW-In a fit of dementia Mary will accidently mistake the girl for the missing Emily Smith and kidnap the girl.

  149. Shrug
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Minarets (#24):

    “Luann: I can’t help but like TJ – who else do you know flashes a solid block of teeth cheerfully for 5 years or more on end?”

    The Joker, The Man Who Laughs, and yer average Great White shark come pretty close, but in the proper light TJ is scarier than any of them.

  150. commodorejohn
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – It’s signatures all the way down!

    A3G – “Do I have to go to a doctor to get my bride’s nerves removed, Margo? Which ones are they?”

    A&J – Arlo, shhh! They’ll hear you!

    BB – The secret origin of Pluggers.

    Bizarro – Watch it, dude. If the GBC game is any clue, she can switch classes and go all ninja on you at the drop of a hat.

    Crankshaft – Maybe that’s because it’s visibly not a Mac? Cripes, dude can draw schoolbuses, but he can’t look up a plausible computer to fit the joke?

    FW – Okay, murder time. Come on, Summer, you know you want to. And if you get into a bloodlust and “accidentally” slay your dad (or, really, all the other adults in the strip) while you’re at it, I don’t think too many people would complain.

    GT – Oh my. I’m surprised. Is it a good surprise? I don’t know.

    JP – …I…WHAT!? He…what…but…after all that, suddenly we make a sudden, screeching U-turn and arrive at a conclusion that actually makes sense and is a good life lesson? It’s like if Birth of a Nation suddenly turned into Diff’rent Strokes.

    Luann – …wow. It’s…uh, certainly something to see that this storyline is committed to being as aggressively stupid as the last.

    MT – *snrrrk* Did Elrod have to borrow a panel from Mandrake the Magician? Or is this what old art looks like when you blow it up on a Xerox and skew it fifteen degrees?

    MW – “Yeah, we’ll just keep hanging out in broad daylight in the next town over from where you were abducted. But if you keep doing that thing where I’m yanking you forward, but for some reason you’re falling backwards, that’s what will draw attention to us.”

    NAOQV – Well, this is what you get for using IE.

    PMP – Why is she wearing a Venus-symbol necklace? Is that in case somehow, unbelievably improbably, someone confused her for a man?

    Pluggers – You’re a Plugger if you have personally inspired three drug poisonings, but you’re still somehow alive.

    PC – I’ll join you in shared, desperate self-delusion, Carmen.

    RMMD – “What? Drugging people against their will could get us in trouble? Shit, why doesn’t anyone tell me these things!?”

    SM – Wow, crazy stuff! It’s almost like Spider-Man was a comic book, or something.

  151. Shrug
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#48):

    “Buckles: I think it’s dangerous for a comic strip I only ever see online to talk about how much better newspapers are when you don’t read them online. ”

    I only see BUCKLES in deadtree version and can assure you that even if newspapers and arguably comics as a whole are better when you don’t read them online (an argument with which I tend to agree), BUCKLES is pretty weak gruel either way.

  152. Revenge of Chesnut
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @gkl (#86): I don’t know, I take from the delighted/surprised expression on our friend Honey the bear’s face that we may dealing with a Team Jacob devotee here.

  153. sully
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Damn! Who knew bears could suffer from carpel tunnel?

  154. seismic-2
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    MT: I want to see Panel 2 inserted into every MT strip with a ginormous Jackelrod critter from now on (which, of course, means daily). CHIPMUNKS!

    MW: is the kidnapper maybe Emily’s father? The by-now-committed-to-memory poster doesn’t say who to contact if she is spotted, so maybe this is a custody struggle rather than a ransom demand or a sexual predator situation? This ought to have been explained by now, for Mary’s benefit. Before she goes to the diner, she needs to know which volume of aphorisms is most nearly appropriate for today’s Blue Plate Meddle.

    Phantom: “Stay dead, Ernesto!” Perhaps not too surprisingly, that’s the most common medical advice that Rex Morgan gives, too.

    GT: What’s with that outfit? Is Lini the cruise director on the Love Bucket?

    S4: So Ted gave both Sally and Jackie “Ziggy” ornaments in 1982. That’s 29 years ago, and Ted and Sally are in their early-to-mid-forties? So Ted was already Sally’s boyfriend when they were the about same age that Hillary and Jon are now? It’s no wonder that Ted and Sally are so concerned about this budding relationship.

    Or maybe Ted was Jackie’s boyfriend??? That makes Sally’s consternation over Jackie’s current relationship even more complicated…

  155. sully
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#151): Buckles? That piece of crap is still around? Fortunately, our daily fish-wrap dumped that turd years ago. Unfortunately, they still run Adam @ Home, Retail, FOOB, Marmaduke….

  156. Shrug
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    “How many of them are there?” asked Kelly Welly.

    “I can’t see distinctly,” said the bear; “nine or ten,”

    “Then they are your giant squirrel friends,” said Kelly; “I had only five with me, counting Andy and Princess.”

    “They are making all the speed they can, brave lads,” said the bear gladly.

    “Are they your squirrels?” asked Kelly. “Are they your squirrels?” she repeated impatiently as the bear did not answer.

    “No,” said the bear with a laugh, the idiotic chattering laugh of an ursine unstrung with hideous fear.

    “Who are they?” asked Kelly quickly, straining her eyes to see what the other would gladly not have seen.



    (saki to me!!)

  157. yaoi huntress earth
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    FW: Is it just me or is Batiuk utterly unable to draw an attractive female?

  158. The Silent Penultimate Panel
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#126): YES. I would read that strip unironically.

  159. gleeb
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#130): PETER LUPUS!

  160. Dennis Jimenez
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#149): Some people call me the space cowboy – some call me the gangster of love, some people call me Ian Cameron, cuz I speak of the pompous ass of love….

  161. Shrug
    December 8th, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @sully (#155):

    The local paper did drop BUCKLES for a couple of weeks some years ago, but apparently enough dog lovers complained and they brought it back again. On the other paw, a couple of years ago they dropped POOCH CAFE and never said a word about it (they had cleverly been hiding it on the “pets” section of the want ads, so perhaps many potential comics fans never realized they were carrying it in the first place.

    I’m a cat person, but I love me my POOCH CAFE.

  162. Fashion Police
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    We are pleased as punch at the return of Master Bellini Verde and his pretentious wardrobe. At least the lad tries.

  163. TheDiva
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#154): I’d put my money on custody battle too, if only because Mary would never do anything as tawdry as meddle with a sex trafficking ring.

    @yaoi huntress earth (#157) Replace “female” with “human being” and you’ve pretty much got it.

  164. Vince M
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#162): He reminds me of the Roz Chast character “The man who was admired for his lack of lack of pretense”. Wears an ascot and smoking jacket, has a cigarette in a holder, says “Let’s only speak French for awhile!”

  165. Ulysses S. Pornstache III
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: This is no ordinary, everyday Wolf vs. Bear fight, as happens multiple times daily in any of our larger national parks or game reserves. This is the same pack of wolves, easily identifiable by the distinctive white nose of the alpha wolf, that orphaned the bear years ago. That’s right — “Hello. My name is Honey. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.”

  166. FafMor
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    MT: In the last panel, the bear looks positively delighted that the wolves are coming. “I won’t need to kill this annoying female myself – I can get the wolves to do it!”

  167. Liam
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-After looking at that tattoo I must sit down. I’ve suddenly got the vapors.

  168. The Divine O'F
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#91): But we enjoy seeing him so much!

  169. Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Kelly Welly looks like a 50s EC babe moments prior to being ravished by a zombie. I guess that’s what she gets for thinking that women can write outdoors articles as well as men can.

  170. Pseudo3D
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    MT – Yes, the thing we’ve all been waiting for! Friday’s will show Kelly being torn to shreds (“off camera”, of course), and Saturday’s will have Team Trail mourning the demise of Kelly.

    Arch – Huh?

    MW – Did someone tell Moy and Giella that most child kidnappings are by a person the child knows? Maybe this is Emily’s estranged biological father?

    9CL – Eww.

    Curtis – Department stores really don’t do that anymore, even if you do still have a department store downtown.

    FW – Seeing Summer not smirk or the classic “glum Westview” look makes me gleeful.

    GT – Is that his lips or his teeth? (either way: creepy)

    S4TH – Win!

    JP – At least she admitted it.

  171. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#81):

    You think you can shame Walker about racial stereotypes in his throwaway drawing of a bird when Cpl. Yo is front and center in the same strip?

    Contrary to popular belief, Corporal Yo is a Mexican-American* with a bad squint, who suffers from jaundice.

    *The original family name was “Yolesias”!

  172. LogopolisMike
    December 8th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    MW: If Mary somehow ends up back at the diner at the same time as the kidnapper and kidnappee and he ends up having to kidnap Mary in order for her not to foil his plan, Christmas will have come early this year for me.

    But probably what will happen is that Mary gets her sweater, saves the missing girl, and somehow ends up getting her purse back too. Damn she bugs me.

  173. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#5): Don’t fret; I like your long version.

    @gleeb (#16): Your opinion intrigues me and I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    @Marc (#59) on Luann: Ha ha! Good one.

    @Esther Blodgett (#70): The term you’re looking for is “hair don’t.”

  174. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Marvin’s Mom (#140): The Darkgate Comics Slurper is, seriously, where it’s at. I have individual bookmarks for Slylock and My Cage, which aren’t on it, and Baby Blues, which is a couple of weeks behind times (due to being linked to a site that must delay its presentation). Everything else is right there. I’m sure somebody else has already said this, but, well, I’m Muffaroo, dammit!

    @Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer (#169): Specifically, she looks like she was drawn by Jack Kamen — at least in her better moments, when she doesn’t look like she was drawn by Jack Kamen and then blown up repeatedly on a photocopier (as has been noted already, I hasten to add).

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#171): Corporal Yo is a Mexican-American
    His motto: “It’s all about YO.”

  175. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Jingle bells, B-wad smells,
    Ann Eiffel is dead,
    TJ got a .22
    and shot her in the head.

  176. Anonymous
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Marvin’s Mom (#140):

    A strong second to [Old Man] Muffaroo’s suggestion of Darkgate Comics Slurper. The beauty of it is you can set up an RSS feed for all your comics. I am one with my iPhone and do all my time wasting there and the RSS brings me from Santa Royale to Funkytown and ever place in between.

    The only downside to Darkgate Comics Slurper is that comics will not be there for a couple of days and then will unexpectedly return. You can miss that right-fist-o-justice and be stuck for months waiting for some more action from Mark and the gang.


  177. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#80): That’s one smart bear. Smarter than the a-ver-age bear.

    @bats :[ (#91): Yes there are worse things than wolves and lost children. Stale salmon squares, Ed Crankshaft’s cap odor, the cast of 9 Chickweed Lane’s overweeningness (except the cat), fresh salmon squares, Jeremy Zits, Wilbur Weston’s sticky recliner, Pluggers in general, and many many more.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#97): I’m surprised it took almost a hundred comments before someone invoked the mighty (and mightily missed) Dingo’s name.

    @The Wacky Curmudgeon (#102) on Zits: Yes, yes, YES!

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#115): I would watch that wacky episode of “I Love Lucy (and Wolves!)”

    @commodorejohn (#150): I wish I’d said that.

    @Dennis Jimenez (#160): Ha ha ha, ew.

    @LogopolisMike (#172): Mary gets involved when the girl spills her grape Hi-C on Mary’s wayward sweater. After Mary scolds the young scofflaw who has no respect for her elders and her elders’ personal clothing, she grabs the kid by the ear and drags her to the police to press assault charges. Detective Hewlett-Packard recognizes the child and it all devolves into platitudes at the Bum Boat or diner.

  178. DumbBlone
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    MT: Lately, the husband and I have been reading our own new strip, “Trail sans Trail.” It’s a kind of conceptual piece that exists only in our heads.

    Admittedly, we don’t score any points for originality; Trail sans Trail is exactly like “Garfield without Garfield,” except with the human/animal ratio transposed. (i.e. Instead of 100% human/0% cat, it is 100% wood ducks, deer grazing, squirrels with building in the distance, etc. etc./0% human… or, okay, I’ll grant you that Mark Trail does not currently contain any*human* humans… but you know what I mean, no Mark and Kelly messing up the nice peaceful scenes of lovingly rendered wood ducks.)

    It’s been working out pretty well for us. The motivations of the latest “Trail with Mark Trail” plot have been maddeningly incomprehensible these past few weeks, whereas over in Trail sans Trail we’ve been in our happy place enjoying panel after panel of nature’s bounty. We like to imagine it narrated by David Attenborough. For example:

    Trail+Trail 7 Dec 2011: Panel 1: Kelly inexplicably talking out loud to a bear. Panel 2: Predictably, because she is a “girl reporter” she is now “in peril.” = ARGH
    Trail Sans Trail 7 Dec 2011: Panel 1, (David Attenborough, sotto voce:) “The majestic brown bear steps gingerly over a log on her journey through the forest. This beautiful forest is entirely unpopulated by people and unmarred by unlikely gold deposits behind waterfalls.” Panel 2 (David Attenborough, continues:) “After years of decline, timber wolf populations in the region are recovering. Wolves are social predators that live in nuclear families consisting of a mated pair, their offspring and, occasionally, adopted immature wolves. But not to worry, wolf packs avoid humans and do not hunt them. Not that there are any humans in this strip. Just thought I’d mention it.” = Aaah. Delightful. And educational too!

    But then, as Josh said, today’s strip had to bring on the AWESOME. This knocks our theory on its head. Trail Sans Trail has now been completely trumped by Trail + WOLVES. So, in my new version I’m replacing all human-containing panels either with a rotating series of 3 panels: 1.) a shot of Kelly reclining in bed in her 1950s negligee, 2.) an extreme close up of Kelly’s eyes, or 3.) WOLVES. For example:

    Trail + Wolves: Panel 1: Picture of squirrel with a cabin in the distance. Panel 2: Kelly Welly “WOLVES!” Panel 3: Picture of wood duck.

  179. Poor Thompson
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#69): Is it just me, or does it seem like Heironymus Bosch Day comes earlier and earlier every year? Oh, well time to get out the decorations I guess.

  180. Pseudo3D
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#69): I’ve seen that picture in Art History class. I mean, I don’t even want to know why she’s spanking that person with a flower…among other weird things.

  181. Weaselboy
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    BB: Welcome to Plugger Valley.

  182. Anonymous
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: “WOLVES!”
    “There wolves!”
    Oh sweet mystery of life, at last, I’ve found you.

  183. odinthor
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    RMMD. — No one has commented on the majestic profundity of Andy’s response: “How unconscious?”. We are confronted with the stunning challenge of parsing degrees of oblivion into graduated, comprehensibly separate, segments, a task to which only the boldest of philosophers might set themselves. We tremble at the doorstep of the knowable tao; Andy plunges us into the black maelstrom of the extant but unknowable. How unconscious indeed, Master Andy . . . how unconscious indeed . . .

  184. Liam
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G-It is LuAnn’s dreams of her dead husband and not Paul’s controlling nature or creepy cult like family that is going to end their relationship.

  185. ScienceGiant
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @LogopolisMike (#172): Does she gets her memory back too? (reminds me of an old joke: what happens if you play country music backwards).

  186. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail 4th panel punchline:
    Kelly: Ha ha! Made ya look!

    Actually wouldn’t the bear, with an animal’s acute olifactory and auditory senses have been tipped off to the wolves a long time ago? He probably didn’t think much of it, being as the wolves see him as dangerous. They see Kelly as meat, like most other men in the strip.

  187. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @ScienceGiant (#185): ooo!

    I know the answer!


  188. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#171): See, I was under the impression that Cpl Yo was an Italian from Philly, and that the name was short for “Yo! Adrian.”

    And now I must duck.

  189. Dennis Jimenez
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#182): Even a plugger who is pure of heart, and reads Jack Chick tracts by night, may become a WOLF when the wolfbane blooms, and Kelly-Welly dares to write….

  190. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#180): Weirder than the bucktoothed bird? I’d rather Mrs. Mogen spanked me with a flower than to come across the Island of Dr. Moreau.

  191. The Asperger Kid
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Gil: “Unnecessary and pretentious”? Did Marshall get Pibgorn tattooed on his chest?

  192. Hot Irk, End Gig
    December 8th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Today’s lowlight: Pigporn

  193. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    I hope Kelly does this to the bear and they take the offensive.

  194. gnome de blog
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    According to the renowned wolf authority David Mech, wolf packs will hardly ever take on a bear unless they’re desperately on the bring of starvation. They’re smart enough to realize that the risk of injury is too great. Wolves will even abandon a kill to a bear rather than fight. Elrod gets his knowledge of nature from the Walt Disney documentaries he watched as a child.

  195. yaoi huntress earth
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#163): Darrin’s wife is the only one who looks halfway decent.

  196. Charterstoned
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    MW – That girl needs to act fast in this situation, and assume the same expression on her face as one on the poster, so that the folks in Santa Royale can recognize her. With any luck, the diner will have a milk carton to give her a second chance!

  197. Charterstoned
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#194): What does David Mech say about wolves taking on a bear when the bear is wearing a muzzle and wrist cuffs?

  198. Charterstoned
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Hey, are we still on Daylight Saving Time on CC, or did I just work an extra hour accidentally?

  199. Dood
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Kelly Welly, in an attempt to secure a more steady speaking role as a member of the Mark Trail cast, is trying to own WOLVES! as her personal catchphrase, similar to Shaggy’s frequent use of ZOINKS! or Velma’s JINKIES! in Scooby-Doo.

  200. Vince M
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#194): Would that be the Walt Disney documentaries with the three pigs?

  201. The Gringo Kid
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    MT: Frankly, it doesn’t say much for Honey Bear that Kelly Welly notices the wolves before he does. It’s the bland leading the blind, and they’re both going down the gullet.

  202. Fashion Police
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#164):
    And what, pray, is wrong with smoking jackets? In our view they are perfectly acceptable genteman’s evening attire (at home – one would never wear a smoking jacket to a concert or a ball). We agree about the ascot, unless worn over a winged or upright collar starched as stiff as a British upper lip.

  203. The Gringo Kid
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#186): They see Kelly as meat, like most other men in the strip.

    With exception, of course, being Mark.

  204. The Gringo Kid
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#182): Now put ze candle back!

  205. Rhekarid
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    “WOLVES are everywhere!”

  206. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#176): The only downside to Darkgate Comics Slurper is that comics will not be there for a couple of days and then will unexpectedly return.
    I’ve found a simple workaround for this that works at least 3/4 of the time. Click on the comic strip itself. There may be a key combination (I don’t know what platform you’re on) that causes it to open in a new window instead of replacing the whole Darkgate page. Anyway, it usually takes you to the comic’s site — gocomics or seattlepi or whatever — and the comic will most likely already be updated there. Doesn’t work with Baby Blues, because they seem to have linked to BB’s own page, which is prevented from showing their very newest strips by some syndicate regulation.

  207. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#188): Duck? Is one of those strangely-colored giant ducks headed our way?

  208. Terryfic
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#206): I use Darkgate also ( and love it, but besides the random omitted strips, one downside for me is that it only shows the current day. There’s no going backwards in time like you could at the Chron. Also, has anyone else had the problem of clicking links for the comic and having some ComicsKingdom cookie forcing you to only be able to see something you looked at earlier that day or yesterday or something? Seems to be working okay today though.

    ComicsKingdom has a Favorites feature, but it really doesn’t work much, at least not on my Mac.

  209. UncleJeff
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#200): Nah, the Chuck Jones version: “The Three Little Bops”

  210. littlestevie
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    MT: It is just too bad that those wolves are not the Tex Avery style wolf. Kelly could play the Little Red Ridinghood part and she is already almost half way there, the way her eyes are bugging out in panel 2. If only she just had a little more Barrettoish quality about her.

  211. Anonymous
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    MW- That bear looks like it wants a nice chianti and farva beans with his wolf liver. Quid pro quo, Kelly?

    MW- Apparently the creators of Mary Worth have taken a new course from long drawn out plotlines. They know seem to be trying to through a medley of short boring plotlines at the wall (purse snatching, Alzheimer’s, Child Abduction) in the hope they’ll find something that is even slightly interesting to write about,

    BB- Cpl. Yo and Sgt Schnorkel accidently stumble into the military experiment that preludes the apocalyptic events that resulted in Slylock Fox.

  212. Walker of Dog
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    BB: Why hasn’t the snake pinned up his empty sleeves? Rookie.


    MW: DINER!


  213. The Egregious Kid
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    Beat-All Bailey: I don’t get it. Are we to assume that the researchers morphed into these animals due to their experiments? Or did the research animals overthrow their human oppressors and devour them, taking on anthropomorphic characteristics in the process? And were Kelly Welly and a pack of wolves somehow involved?

  214. The Son of the Egregious Kid
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Merrily Worthless: Wow, Frank Sinatra Jr. looks pretty pissed in the second panel. Maybe it’s because Mia Farrow doesn’t want to come along quietly.

  215. The Irksome Kidder
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#209): Speaking of Chuck Jones, last night I watched the marvelous 1971 cartoon version of A Christmas Carol that he produced. Hadn’t seen it in ages, and it holds up extremely well.

  216. mr12ozcan
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    mark trail-wasnt it suggested that people would vist mother mcqueen land because she had such a good relationship with the animals . what did she do to the wolves make them eat those gratin potatos whitney served on top chef last night.
    mary worth- since when do kidnappers stay in same neighborhood they kidnapped from and go out in public with the victum? this guy reminds me of the guy who took rustys camera in mark trail.

  217. Droopy Says
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @The Egregious Kid (#213): I’m hoping that Beetle Bailey continues this morphing arc. I want to see if Medea is behind the changes. Her presence would explain why the Sergeant is such a pig.

  218. monsieurjohn
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Ok, here’s the plan: Make a t-shirt of the WOLVES! panel from today’s Mark Trail, and attempt to stand to the right of people wearing the Three Wolf Moon shirt.

  219. Red Greenback
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

  220. Swordsmith
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @Marvin’s Mom (#140): Personally, I go to the Washington Post page, where I click one at a time on the strips I like to read. The best part of this plan is that I can deliberately skip strips I don’t like, which is much better than simply not getting them fed to me.

    Sadly they have the good sense not to carry Luann and Funky Winkerbean, which are both vital sources of potential snark. So I google each and click the link that comes up at the top of the page. I know, I could just drag the locations to my most visited bar, but that would be admitting I read them.

    I know smokers who go through much the same convoluted actions to avoid letting themselves know they’re addicted. Sad. I’m talking about

  221. Walker of Dog
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @The Egregious Kid (#213): I was assuming that it was some sort of homage to Animal Farm – “four legs good, two legs better” or something.
    Then I asked the ghost of George Orwell, and he said No.

  222. Swordsmith
    December 8th, 2011 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    me and those strips there, I mean, yeah the smokers are sad too, but at least they have the excuse of a known addictive substance..

  223. zerowolf
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    GT: Meanwhile Lini is really thinking, “Now when you get a Prince Albert, look me up.”

  224. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @The Egregious Kid (#213) said: “Beat-All Bailey: I don’t get it. Are we to assume that the researchers morphed into these animals due to their experiments? Or did the research animals overthrow their human oppressors and devour them, taking on anthropomorphic characteristics in the process? And were Kelly Welly and a pack of wolves somehow involved?”

    The answer is simpler than that: Today’s strip is by guest artist, Bob Weber, Jr.

  225. Alter Ego
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    love is… a hoof fetish.

  226. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    GT: The tattoo is of a cat, with his navel doubling up as the cat’s anus. That’s all I can think of with a tattoo on a guy’s stomach.

    MW: I know it’s been said, but it can never be said too much: It’s nice how real villains in Mary Worth-iverse self-identify with their perpetual scowls and frowns. The tricksters and mild villains instead look as if it’s a party all the time and we’re all invited!

  227. Anonymous
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    Please, please, please let Mark find Kelly’s camera in a pile of wolf dung.

  228. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @monsieurjohn (#218): clever meme reference FTW!

  229. Joshua
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#81): It should probably be noted that Corporal Yo was introduced to the strip not as a stereotype in the 1950s … but as a stereotype in 1990.

  230. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .the final day of Antoine Roccamora. [*]

  231. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#228): Every notice that FTW is WTF backwards?

    The More You Know.

  232. Minarets
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @Marvin’s Mom (#140): I get half from Comics at Arcamax Publishing – and the other half I look up at Washington post Comics. And the final stuff like Pluggers, Funky, Crankshaft, Love is.., and Spiderman I get from Seattle Post-Intelligencer Comics.
    So, yeah, three windows. But worth it!

  233. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    I have a suspicion that my computer is happier now. I finally got around to properly securing my secondary hard drive, and learned that there was another fan up front as well, which was filthy and is now clear of dust. Knowing is half the battle!

  234. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#231): ayup! Entirely depends on whether you know the meme in reference or not!

    often the difference between a “HA!” and a “HUH?”.

  235. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    can someone add the proper MT word balloon to this pic of WWE Diva Kelly Kelly? (bikini babe, prolly not the best thing for work)


    possible other contenders include Emmet Kelly (NSFBG!), songstress Kelly Clarkson or wolf-sign flashin’ R. Kelly. (perhaps with additional M-Fn added.)

  236. The Ridger
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#220): They do have Luann, down at the bottom under “More comics from around the web”. I read FW at Son of Stuck Funky anyway…

  237. Pseudo3D
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    It’s not just WOLVES! but WOLVES!

    Just a correction to all y’all (except for Josh, who got it right)

  238. Daniel
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    I see what you did there with the italic exclamation mark.
    Clever girl…

  239. Joe Blevins
    December 8th, 2011 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    If you have a pair of red-and-blue 3D glasses, (today’s zomby) is kind of neat. If not, I wouldn’t bother…

  240. Some Guy
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Gee, given the promise that THE MIGHTY THORRRR!!! is appearing in this storyline, you don’t suppose MJ’s dream about being Valkyrie might be foreshadowing, do you? Because if MJ gets possessed by an Asgardian walk-in spirit and becomes a better superhero than her husband, that would be awesome.

  241. Some Guy
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#150): JP – …I…WHAT!? He…what…but…after all that, suddenly we make a sudden, screeching U-turn and arrive at a conclusion that actually makes sense and is a good life lesson? It’s like if Birth of a Nation suddenly turned into Diff’rent Strokes.

    Well, almost a good life lesson. She hasn’t aknowledged it was wrong to try to steal Derek from Honey, or to openly gloat to Honey about doing so, or to then claim Honey’s reaction to this as an unprovoked attack to see how Derek would react. Just that it was wrong to try to steal Derek with money.

  242. Dartpaw
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    It all falls into place now!
    The scientists turned themselves into animals which explains why they seem so intelligent. In other words, “The origins of Pluggersville!”

  243. greghousesgf
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#159): It’s never lupus!

  244. Jamus The Bartender
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#57): JP – If you’ve suddenly gotten so smart, Sophie, and realized Derek’s not for you, why are you still withholding the guitar as punishment?
    To teach him a lesson.

  245. Jamus The Bartender
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: WHAT ??? I am SO angry right now……

  246. Sgt. Stoned
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    MT: One powerful left hook from Mark will take out all three wolves and the bear at once.

    MW: Maybe the “kidnapper” is also a hit man looking to take out former waitress Gina.

  247. Xanadude
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    If Kelly’s carelessness gets the poor bear killed, I say we all boycott Mark Trail from now on! Who’s with me? Guys? Anyone? I mean, we all know the bear’s going to bite it and that poor widda mountain woman will be bereft…

  248. Now serving breakfast all day
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    I have to admit that “brutish ginger kidnapper-thug” is the best description of a bad guy that I’ve ever heard!

  249. seismic-2
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    JP: “When the right boy comes along, I won’t have to bribe him. I’ll just seduce him with the pair of 38DD breasts that I’m buying next week.”

  250. commodorejohn
    December 8th, 2011 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#241): True. Still, it’s a shocker.

  251. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#246): “Fist of Justice” one panel area of effect on Punch damage, +2 to hit, +2 to damage, + additional 1-4 damage depending on how much hair the target has.

  252. Rixter
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#246): One powerful left hook from Mark will take out all three wolves and the bear at once.
    I kinda figured that they would be rescued by a team of Princess and Andy, and maybe (if we’re lucky) Mother McQueen will fasten a pair of goose wings on and swoop down on those pestery old WOLVES!

  253. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    If there were to be WOLVES! in Mark Trail, I always thought it’d be this one.

  254. Liam
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    MW-Of course I am hurting your arm. When I squeeze your arm like I am doing that means I am hurting it. I should have kidnapped someone with more brains.

  255. Donkey Hotey
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: The ONLY road to redemption for this ridiculous Mary Worth story arc is if Mary physically tackles Red McChildsnatcher in the diner.

  256. Bonwah
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    In Beetle Bailey, I believe that the scientists are *dead.* I think the joke is that the scientists have been murdered by the animals (or maybe have simply died of exposure), and the animals are now playing with their hats, tongue depressors, booze, etc.

    That’s an iPad down there in lower right, I’m guessing, though it could be an Etch-a-Sketch. If it *is* an Etch-a-Sketch, does that change the whole joke?

  257. ElkMeadow
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    @Donkey Hotey (#255):

    Naw, she’d meddle. She’ll explain that children have arms that hurt, and by speaking softly and kite flying and frolicking, any child can behave nicely and politely.

  258. ElkMeadow
    December 8th, 2011 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

  259. ElkMeadow
    December 9th, 2011 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    We’ve got a wolf wandering around in Oregon. Didn’t visit in my neighborhood, though.

  260. seismic-2
    December 9th, 2011 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#259): Well, be sure to take the muzzles off all your bears, just in case.

  261. Poteet
    December 9th, 2011 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#72): You bet I got in. That warty guy had more charisma than Mark Trail, Spidey, the Phantom, Les, Bwad, and Rex all rolled into one and multiplied a dozen times.

  262. bats :[
    December 9th, 2011 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#237): Yeah, well, that’s why he gets paid the big bucks.

  263. Poteet
    December 9th, 2011 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    MW — Besides finding out how many more times we’ll see the poster, the thing I’m most looking forward to is studying the subtle variations in Sleazo McChildsnatcher’s daily scowl. At least it’s not clip art.

  264. Vince M
    December 9th, 2011 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    I’m starting to hear “Wolves” as pronounced by Skwisgaar in ‘Metalocalypse’ – i.e. “Woo-lo-vezz”.

  265. Just some guy
    December 9th, 2011 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    Well met, brother wolves! Let me help you slay this intolerable woman, and we shall feast for days!!

  266. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 9th, 2011 at 12:38 am [Reply]

  267. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 9th, 2011 at 12:48 am [Reply]

  268. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 9th, 2011 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#263): Because Mary Worth is so set against electronic technology, I like to think of the clip art being in the form of Letraset, and that somewhere there are sheets and sheets of clear plastic with various facial features that can be rubbed onto any flat surface.

    Damn! I miss my Letraset.

  269. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 9th, 2011 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    JP: Wow, being good at everything and really rich is awesome!

    Mark: Kelly might have survived the encounter with the wolf pack had she not stupidly scolded the wolves as though they were dogs.

  270. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 9th, 2011 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft — Batiuk teases us with the notion of changing the name of his strip to “The Vomitorium of Ed Crankshaft”!

    Mary Worth — “Mongo, no like poster!” Alex Karras takes over the part of Emily Smith’s kipnapper… and makes it his own.

  271. Donkey Hotey
    December 9th, 2011 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    @Just Call Me E (#83): Yeah, me too.

  272. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 9th, 2011 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#270): Of course, I meant kidnapper, but I won’t discount the possibility that Mr. Karras is also a brutish ginger kipnapper-thug.

    “Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast!”

  273. Donkey Hotey
    December 9th, 2011 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#199): Funny you should mention it, because I’ve been thinking that the bear in the final panel should be saying “Ruh?” in a Scooby voice.

  274. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 9th, 2011 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    DT: Terry! Terry Pratchett! I love this new team.

    (Hmm. Now I want to say, “Muriel. Muriel Pritchard.”)

  275. This Guy
    December 9th, 2011 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    A3G: “What the hell do you think I’m saying? I’m rehearsing my excuse for not joining Paul’s creepy-ass incest cult.”

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#274): I mentally applaud them as well, although part of me is thinking “Why isn’t he reading a Watch book? Too much of a busman’s holiday?” Also, referencing Max Allan Collins risks having the strip implode into a metafictional singularity.

  276. Dale
    December 9th, 2011 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    Kelly hears a noise in the woods.
    A bear. A masked bear! A masked bear CRAPPING! In the woods.
    A skilled writer could turn this into a story that the whole world might be slightly interested in.

  277. Boring K
    December 9th, 2011 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#156): I spent a semester of high school trapped in forensics class, performing an abridged reading of “The Interlopers” at every meet. The first thing I thought of when I saw the headline of this post was that story, and a nerdy, introverted, and mostly indifferent teenage boy’s mediocre attempts to emphasize the “WOLVES!” at the end. So thanks, Jack Elrod, and thanks, Josh, for bringing the memories of all my high school failures flooding back. I’ll just be over here, rocking back and forth and not getting any sleep tonight.

  278. Droopy Says
    December 9th, 2011 at 3:54 am [Reply]

    @odinthor (#183): No, I commented on it yesterthread. I’m surprised nobody else picked up on RMMD’s “How unconscious?” issue.

    A3G: What LuAnn is saying is it ain’t her feet that are cold.

    EffYou Wankerbeat: Basketball? No, the team plays dickball. Whoever holds the ball has to talk like the biggest dick around. Coach to daughter to impending-stepsister; it’s what Tinkers, Evers and Chance would have been if they’d smirked.

    Pluggers: In a way you have to admire Brookins. Every day he needs to take things like “Pluggers are lazy” and “Pluggers think only they are short on money” and put a positive spin on it.

    Bigporn: Is it my turn to snark on this strip? Damn, I hate it when that happens. Oh, well. “So Thorax is an incompetent writer’s gimmick, Drusilla has the power to do anything but appear in an interesting, coherent story, and McEclowney writes like Harlan Ellison would, if Ellison had no talent.”

    The Amusing Spiderman: Of course Thor wants to steal MaryJugs from Parker. They have something in common: a need for a better hairdresser.

    Family Circus: We’re definitely in mythology week here. Today we learn Thel’s secret identity as Medusa. The other melonheads have profited from Billy’s sad failure to learn the truth.

    Mock Trail: No, the bear is not Zeus, come to Earth to tavage KWJB after he saves her from King Lycaon and his offspring. The bear is merely the agent of Zeus, guarding KWJB until Zeus can ravage her in the form of a stack of pancakes.

  279. K
    December 9th, 2011 at 3:54 am [Reply]

    Why did Emily’s ‘Missing’ poster update her photo so a lock of her hair is dyed blue, and how did they get that picture in the first place?

  280. Readem and Laf
    December 9th, 2011 at 4:09 am [Reply]

    WOLVES! Kelly’s cue for the dancing bear to get up and boogie!

    When the disco ball spins, Honey sings “Ooh Ooh I’m staying alive, staying alive!

    Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
    I’m Mother McQueen’s: no time to talk.

    Ha, ha, ha, ha, bear stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
    Ha, ha, ha, ha, bear’s stayin’ alive.

    Well now, I gotta go and gotta fly,
    and if you can’t do either, I won’t cry.
    Got speed and power in my legs and paws.
    I’m a dancin’ bear and I just can’t lose.
    It’s all right. I’m OK with that.
    I’ll live to see another day.
    Everyone understands
    Your lousy writing’s effect on men.

    Ha, ha, ha, ha, bear’s stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
    Ha, ha, ha, ha, bear’s stayin’ alive.

  281. Readem and Laf
    December 9th, 2011 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    MT Kelly, watch the movie, “Dances With Wolves.” Wolves are your friends.

  282. Mr. O'Malley
    December 9th, 2011 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    I never expected DT to do a fedora tip to Terry Pratchett. What next?

    JP: Right. A natural after one lesson. Just take that guitar out to the crossroads at midnight….

    MT: Thinking of Terry Pratchett, this reminds me of the magic word you can yell to stop sharks from attacking you (Nation).

    MW: Is Mary going to give this kidnapper tips or what? Don’t take a kidnapped child into a diner or she’ll start yelling help I’m being kidnapped?

    Or since he’s ripped down the poster perhaps Mary will forget about seeing it because of her memory loss. She’ll get home with the sweater and think that child’s face reminds me there was something different about the diner just now but I can’t think what it was.

    RMMD: This is where Spider is going to regret not having put more gas in that scooter.

    SF: Did Ces put that in just for us?

  283. Mr. O'Malley
    December 9th, 2011 at 4:30 am [Reply]

    @Readem and Laf (#280): That’s funny, the only part of my dream from last night I remember is thinking that Stayin’ Alive would work as a blues song. Too bad Muddy Waters never got around to reworking it.

    @Boring K (#277): We read Sredni Vashtar in middle school. So I think I’ll go make some toast.

  284. Mr. O'Malley
    December 9th, 2011 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#283): I’m not sure if we read the one about “Gabriel-Ernest is a werewolf” (Gabriel-Ernest) in school, because after that first one I started going after them on my own. There were some more wolf-themed ones—the man stuck on a snowbound train in the Balkans with only a mysterious old peasant lady for company (The Name-Day), the traveller who claimed to have learned Siberian magic (The She-Wolf) and of course The Story-Teller.

    And a tin of the best Smyrna halva, please!

  285. cj
    December 9th, 2011 at 5:18 am [Reply]

    That’s right, Giella, don’t even bother hiding the fact that the woman in the picture is clearly NOT Emily but Toby. High five!

  286. TheRealAaron
    December 9th, 2011 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#33): Being a single guy, maybe I’m just uninformed here… but do women really get up in the middle of the night to get a haircut based on a dream they had? If I did that, my hair would probably be made of cotton candy that I would feed to my pet moose J?tunn.

  287. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    December 9th, 2011 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    I for one eagerly await the results of the scientists’ “stag as coatrack” experiments. Also their attempts to create an animate, nocturnal sock puppet.

  288. Droopy Says
    December 9th, 2011 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#278): “Ravage,” not “tavage.” I was distracted by Kelly’s remarkable diction, upon which somebody else should remark.

  289. Droopy Says
    December 9th, 2011 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Phantom: The state troopers are startled out of their coffee when they realzie that this doctor is wearing an ID tag, which they missed when dealing with Dr. Sunglasses. But turnabout is fair play, because these “cops” aren’t wearing the seven-pointed stars common to most sheriff departments. Their six-pointed yellow stars tell me that they are Unorthodox rabbis.

  290. gleeb
    December 9th, 2011 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Dick: Xanadu! Palatial home of…Sam Catchem?

    Henry: Yeah, Henry, don’t take ay of that lorgnette guff! When was this strip drawn, 1930?

    Spidey: A guy in a brass helmet? Things are about to get wonderfully goofy, aren’t they?

  291. Mr K Martin
    December 9th, 2011 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    BLONDIE: Dagwood wants to eat stamps. This should account for the smallest Dagwood sandwich in 80 years.

  292. Anonymous
    December 9th, 2011 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    WTF???I thought all the animals lived in “Harmony” in this place…If the wolves continue this behavior,Mother McQueen may ask them to leave!

  293. Bill
    December 9th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    It was the over-the-top anthropomorphic reaction of the bear in panel 3 that really got me. “Zoiks! WOLVES, you say?”

  294. Anonymous
    December 9th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Bill (#293): I totally agree! WOLVES! is awesome by its own right, but the silent panel with the bear’s “shit’s about to go down with these wolves!” face is too precious.

  295. Tonya
    December 9th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    The lapels on our collectable “Surprised Kelly” doll flap wildly while her neatly coiffed 50′s style bob — made from solid plastic molding airbrushed with blue-black acrylic — remains in tact.

  296. Conor
    December 10th, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Clearly, panel three of Mark Trail is an homage to the Dramatic Chipmunk:

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