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Most of this post is distasteful and I apologize

Marvin, 12/17/11

I have to admit that I’ve always been a little intrigued by the fact that dogs have amazing intraspecies size variations, and I’ve always kind of wondered what this means for their sex lives. I don’t really like being forced to confront the notion visually in the comics, though. Given the extent to which Junior’s new love interest towers over him, her studded leather collar and the black hearts floating over her head seem disturbingly significant.

Mark Trail, 12/17/11

Ha ha, Kelly, Honey the bear took you to the Parents McQueens’ underground bear-sex lair! This will make a good story for some magazine, though perhaps not the one Kelly intended to sell it to. She can explain what “gold mining” is a euphemism for.

Phantom, 12/17/11

Meanwhile, the Phantom is sending Ernesto’s wife into an epistemological crisis. “Believe nothing? Not even the evidence of my own senses?”

167 responses to “Most of this post is distasteful and I apologize”

  1. jasper jinx
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    OK, I know that the word balloon tails in Mark Trail can be whimsical… but now the BEAR is saying he hasn’t been out to the gold mine since Mr. McQueen Senior died? No wonder they keep him in a muzzle. That whole raxzzle-dazzle about the gold bands is just a way of distracting attention from the far greater tourist magent of an articulate ursine.

  2. Écureuil Écumant
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Phan: Hey, bub! Nobody knows nuthin’ about none o’ dat! See?

  3. Doyle
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    9CL: So is Edda okay with being exploited as a sexual object now? This comic makes no sense.

  4. Liam
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MT-HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! Andy talks!

    RMMD-That is the amazing power of smelling salts. It can bring people in near comas out of them.

    JP-There are even photos of April. I better hang on to these and study them later.

  5. Liam
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#4):

    That is supposed to be Honey in Mark Trail.

  6. pugfuggly
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Marvin Dog society is a lot more complex than I though: I had no idea they had prostitutes, too…

    MT “I haven’t been there since he died!” said the bear “I swear, I don’t know where all the gold went!”

    A3G Yes, Lu Ann, he never really did know you, because you just never bothered telling him about some pretty big details of your life. Let’s just call you both twits and press the ‘reset plot’ button as soon as possible, okay?

    MW You can just see inside Bree’s mind as she ticks off her mental checklist of the signs of onset dementia. Won’t Mary be surprised when the cops arrive but completely ignore the ‘missing girl’ and start heading towards her booth…

  7. The Diamond in the Window
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Um, isn’t the fact that the bear is gently admonishing the crazy lady, “I haven’t been there since he died,” while Kelly looks on stonily a little unsettling? I mean, it’s clear she and the bear have long sympathetic conversations, but doesn’t the bear know not to talk in front of Mark?

  8. ZananIV
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I like how, in today’s Marvin, the poodle wears her own hair as if it were a fur coat. Did she tackle and rip the fur off the most beautiful dog she could find? If so, would she make a good queen to rule alongside Marmaduke?

  9. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Frazz: goes well with the “baby born on the date-line can see the future” story from a few yesterthreads back.

    A&J: no moar cheezeburgers for Ludwig.

    Dilbert: Pintsize, the smartphone.

    LaCuC: buuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. (with Mel Brooks line.)

    Lio: brilliantly ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. (with giant mollusc.)

    SBp: Leroy died first, it appears.

    R&R: hmph. National Secretaries Day was started in ’52. Guess it isn’t an anachronism in this strip after all.

    Zits: yee godz, that silhouette is positively Barettoesque in its bodaciousness.

    DT: noooo! not THAT song!!!

    JUMBLE: ARRRtack fits the second word.

    RwO: “the sack” makes this every so delightfully Dingo.

  10. gleeb
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: “So, what kid of attire do we need to go Christmas shopping?” I’d start with something that helps you not talk like a stilted phrasebook, Lady.

    Dick: The fact that his own henchmen find this “tic” annoying doesn’t give me hope.

    ‘bean: So here it goes, back amidst the crap he’ll never watch again.

    Pearls: Hey, did you know that “Pearls Before Swine” collections exist in book form? And that they can be purchased?

    Phantom: Unthinkingly, Walker* creates a nihilist who will plot against the Tsar.

    *I think we all know what it stands for at this point.

  11. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    @Josh, there used to be a store-dog in E. Lansing that was a Doberman/dachshund mix, with the Doby being the mother. I suspect, looking back, that daddy dachsy may have been a hoverdog.

  12. Beth
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Every time I read the current Mark Trail story I wonder how it’s going to be before Mark and Kelly work out that Mrs McQueen is in fact the supposedly long dead Mr McQueen in a wig.

  13. Windier E. Megatons
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Score a point for Jack Elrod: for once I’m actually riveted by Mark Trail. Okay, so it’s just because I want to know whether the bear is supposed to be talking or if this is just more of his idiotic word balloon placement, but still.

  14. Vince M
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#11): I remember a “Fat Freddy’s Cat” strip with a puppy of similar union. He tells the cat “I know what you’re wondering…he stood on a chair.”

  15. Urban Garlic
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @jasper jinx (#1): Not only is it clear that the bear is talking, he’s contradicting old lady whoosits there. She’s just guessed that the bear led them to the mine, but now the bear says he hasn’t been there since ol’ man whoosits died.

    That’s probably the real reason for the muzzle. Articulate bears are reasonably interesting, but nobody likes a smartass.

  16. Minarets
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    A3G: Hark! Do my eyes see that word balloon? Has Luann finally realized what a jerk the dude is? “I assume you’re divorced – you prolly being a shameless hussy who dared kiss and seduce and basically harbour affection for another man who was not me – and not this – this Gary!!

    MW: Mary is set to find that poster, look at her – she’s not even looking up, just heading straight ahead, with poor Bree whose arm is prolly numb by now.

  17. tallyHO
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    For some reason, it seems out of place that the two dogs in the Marvin strip are able to read each others’ thoughts.

    And yet, when the bear speaks in Mark Trail, I didn’t find it to be the least bit odd. I am more riveted by the fact that the old lady is drawn like an old dude. In fact, I thought he was an old indian shaman who had a talking bear and who showed up for a while in Mark Trail land. But, now I find out it is just an old woman with a talking bear? It means so much less to me now.

    But, besides that, if the comic strip dogs can read each others’ thoughts, what can’t they slip by each other? Surely they cannot lie to each other. They can’t hide their feelings either. So does that mean the tall dog is just teasing the short one? Surely, that dog “heard” the other in his rant chant.

    That’s just so much more twisted than talking bears. Yogi Bear set that stage so it is old hat now.

  18. Chyron HR
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    DT – As verbal tics go, that’s not half bad. HALF BAD!

  19. Jessy
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MW: That’s right, Mary, drag Bree to look at the poster that is no longer there, and never mind just dialing 911 and asking someone to check the situation out.

  20. Jessy
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    MT: The talking bear is nothing compared to Androgynous McQueen’s talking crotch, which is saying “He’s a great friend to me!”

  21. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]

  22. Effluvius Erratus
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    JP: “Following April!?! But– but that would mean I’m not the center of the universe!”

    Momma: Uhh…what? Quick! I need a non-ironic explanation of the punchline!

    Phantom: The writer wrote some awful news,
    That left you shaking in your shoes,
    So touch your face and swoon and do
    The comics woman in distress polka!

    Whether it be wolves on bears,
    Or grown men wearing purple underwears,
    The horror is to great to bear, so do
    The comics woman in distress polka!

    Perhaps your loving lovely beau,
    Turned out to be a jealous psycho,
    Or your roommate’s name is Margo, just do
    The comics woman in distress polka!

    Clutch a phone, or clutch some pearls,
    Clutch the waitstaff’s arm o’er some missing girl,
    Whose poster set your head a’whirl, just do
    The comics woman in distress polka!

    So listen, ladies, one and all,
    When life gets rough with no one to call,
    Touch your face, try not to fall and do
    The comics woman in distress polka!

  23. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    a follow-up for bb,u and the other highly literate ‘mudgeons.

  24. ER
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Regarding intra-species dog size: I knew a dog growing up that was very clearly half German Shepherd, half Dachsund. Full Shepherd body and head, Dachsund legs. Try not to think about how that would work.

  25. llustrator Steve
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark Trail
    Panel #1: What the hell is Mother McQueen’s talking belt buckle blabbing about? The belt buckle, refering to Honey Bear, states, “HE’S A GREAT FRIEND TO ME!” My only guess is that Mother McQueen’s talking belt buckle must have originally been part of fastening system on Honey Bear’s face muzzle. I guess those belt buckles must get ATTACHED to things after a while. (ha-haw-ha-ha-ha haw!)

    Panel #3: Lots to discuss about panel #3 (see below)
    1. I see Mother McQueen is wearing her Jackelrod medallion today.

    2. Not only does Honey Bear talk, but for him to stand there and say he hasn’t been to the cave since McQueen’s husband died is a COLD FACED LIE! We all witnessed him in the cave with Kelly just days ago!!!

    3. What’s with Kelly? Is she melting? Or did those VILLAINOUS wolves tear her expression off of her face?

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @ER (#24):

    probably a lot like this corgi, I’m guessing.

  27. Toby
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Rip Bil Keane.

  28. zerowolf
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    GT: If this were Westview instead of Milford every member of the basketball team except Lini gets tattoos and end up with HIV. Because having the not-so-ambiguously gay character being the only one not HIV positive would be irony and that’s called writing

    But since this is Gil Thorpe some parents will be all irate over the tattoos, blame Gil, and try to get him fired. After all the reason they put their kids in sports programs is it’s easier than parenting and cheaper than Ritilan.

  29. wossname
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    I’ve been without internet for a couple days. Very sad to hear about Barreto.

    But thrilled to find I’m on the float! Throwing chocolate truffles! Congrats to bunivasal and all the other funsters.

    RMMD –Somebody should have told Tarantino that smelling salts cure ODs – they could have avoided that scary scene in “Pulp Fiction.”

  30. TheDiva
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    MT: Me, I’m mystified with the proportions in panel two. Either Mother McQueen (played at tonight’s performance by Bob Barker) is twenty feet tall, or the bear is the size of a golden retriever and Kelly Welly that of a five-year-old.

    9CL: Why would you want a butt model to advertise shoes? For that matter, don’t ballet dancers usually get blisters and bruises and stuff from trying to balance their entire body weight on one pointe shoe? And why am I trying to find logic in what is obviously an attempt to exploit Edda’s sexuality while pretending it’s a commentary on the sexual exploitation of beautiful women?

    A3G: It has taken months of heavy drilling, but a clue has finally penetrated LuAnn’s thick skull.

    So what kind of half-assed background check did Papa Linski buy, anyway? I would assume any check which revealed LuAnn’s first marriage should have turned up the groom’s occupation and that he was MIA over Iraq/Vietnam/the Pacific theater or wherever.

    C’shaft: Congratulations, Pam, for uttering a phrase no human being has ever spoken in conversation before, or will again.

    DT: Oooh, Radio Tourette’s Syndrome. I pray there will be a cure in our lifetime.

    FW: You would think that Lisa would have made a tape for a specific birthday milestone, yet one is conspicuously absent on the label. This can only mean that Darin will be expected to watch this tape every single year on his natal day, whether he wants to or not, prostrating himself faithfully at the altar of St. Lisa and giving her the homage she deserves.

    Luann: Again, not your boyfriend. Your choice. Shit or get off the pot with this relationship, Luann, but don’t stand there glowering at Tiffany like she’s poaching on your territory.

    MW: “Well, sure! Couldn’t you?”

    I’m just gonna say right now: if this doesn’t end with Obvious Evilguy getting carted away while snarling “And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for that meddling biddy!” I will be deeply disappointed.

  31. Anonymous
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#22): Momma: Uhh…what? Quick! I need a non-ironic explanation of the punchline!

    I believe it’s a play on the similarity between “baroque” and “broke”. In other words, her daughter always seems to date guys without money. In other words, her daughter is totally failing at being a gold-digger.

  32. TheRealAaron
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#31): Gehh, that was me.

  33. Muzition
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Regarding dog sizes: I’ve come across a husky/pug mix called a “hug” See for yourself: http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/h/hug.htm

    Also a beagle/boxer mix, which looks like a beagle on steroids: http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/bogle.htm

  34. AndyG
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    From the Minneapolis Star Tribune letters to the editor section today:

    I’m getting tired of the comic strip “Mark Trail.”

    I’ve tolerated it in the past because of its absurd camp style, but its continued inaccuracies in the portrayal of wildlife has become offensive. Recently, the strip depicted wolves as hungry, vicious killers, ready to attack anything and everything that moves.

    Wolves attacking bears is extremely rare, and the reverse is just as likely. Wolves are far more likely to simply chase an adult bear away, rather than fight.

    It’s equally distressing to see the bear pictured as an essentially domesticated beast. Lastly, the strip is trite, predictable and worn out.

    The strip’s originator, Ed Dodd, was interested in educating his readers in the outdoors and wildlife, but it seems that the current writers are more interested in sensationalizing the imagined dark side of otherwise fascinating forest inhabitants.

    JERRY HINIKER, GRAND MARAIS, MINN.

    Awesome on too many levels.

  35. Jason D.
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

  36. TheRealAaron
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#30): Cshaft: Congratulations, Pam, for uttering a phrase no human being has ever spoken in conversation before, or will again.

    That would have actually worked if she was talking about attire for a Christmas party. People actually use the word attire in that context.

    Is there a TVTrope for jokes that would have worked with just 10 more seconds of thought, but instead totally fail? Because it seems like there should be.

  37. greghousesgf
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#17): An old Indian shaman and a talking bear would be too interesting for Mark Trail.

  38. Rixter
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    CS: “What kind of attire do we need to go Christmas shopping?
    Shopping with Cranky? Oh, I don’t know, how about sackcloth and ashes? Be sure to bring something else along to scourge yourself.

    MW: I’ve never seen Mary engage an accomplice in a meddle. This is the big-time, folks!

    BG&SS: Tater’s speaking in tongues!

    A3G: Come on, LuAnn, at this point you may as well have some fun – tell Paul that Margo and Tommie are your children.

    FW: Hey Darin, you may not know this about the ancient technology of VCR, but you can re-record the tape with something you’d enjoy, like your favorite anime.

  39. Rixter
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @AndyG (#34): “imagined dark side of otherwise fascinating forest inhabitants.
    Harumph! Well, I, for one, have yet to see Mother McQueen’s “dark side.”
    And, on further thought, I am sure I don’t want to.

  40. Hi There
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    FW:

    Ghost Mom on the screen

    Dumb Darrin pops a boner

    Looks at his spank bank

  41. cheech wizard
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    JP – April whacked him! Oh, this is better than I ever dreamed! Randy’s hot CIA girlfriend isn’t just some analyst who spends hours pouring over intercepted communications in the hope of gleaning some tidbit of useful intelligence, she’s a freakin’ professional killer! Normally, this should lead to some incredibly hot blood-sex, realizing the hot woman you’re boning is a secret agent assassin, but I doubt Randy’s into that kind of thing. And by that kind of thing, I don’t mean the secret agent assassin part.

  42. Anonymous
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#11): dobie /dachshund mix? What does that even look like?!

  43. commodorejohn
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Uh, Luann, I hate to be a nit-picker, but you acquiesced to his proposal after like one date and a visit to his family who all demanded you marry him. I don’t think knowing you was ever on the menu.

    Buckles – …this…is probably being posted on some Yahoo! group as we speak.

    DT – Okay, yes, that is an observed fact. Me, I was kind of hoping for an explanation.

    FW – Oh God. Oh God. That makes it even worse. Has she been asking him about grandchildren annually for the past ten years? No wonder they don’t have any, can you imagine that conversation? “Sweetie, I’ve been thinking…maybe we should have a baby. You know, to appease my dead biological mother. …what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

    (Well, since I’ve got The Stone Tape on the brain, at least I can fantasize that eventually these tapes will degrade, or preferably there will be an accident with an electromagnet, and Les will be left all alone every year as he stares at a messy blur and straining to pick out the murmuring blob-thing that used to be Lisa. Ahh, that’s a sweet image.)

    JP – Uh, didn’t you just pretty much answer that?

    Luann – Yeah, you can stand there and mysteriously expand your breasts at him all you like, Luann, but you might try ACTUALLY FUCKING SAYING THAT YOU’RE INTERESTED, YOU STUPID JEALOUS COW. Just a thought.

    MT – I’m sure you haven’t, Honey.

    MW – “Well, we’ll settle this, then! Let’s ask them! But you owe me a free cup of coffee if I’m right!”

    RMMD – Yeah, if I woke up to that leering comedy-mask of a face, my pupils’d probably be pinned, too.

    SF – Is Hil wearing an ELO shirt? Does she get that from her mom, or dad?

    SM – “On the other hand, if it’s just some chick with a similar hairdo, I’m gonna feel kind of dumb.”

  44. NoahSnark
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    It’s not often Marvin manages to be more more disturbing than the lead character stewing in a plastic bag of feces – but then again it’s not often they dip their toes into the world of inter-species midget porn.

  45. TheDiva
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @TheRealAaron (#36): I believe that would fall under the They Just Didn’t Care heading.

  46. Sequitur
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    OTH: It’s okay to say “gonad” and “nads” in a family comic strip? Michael Fry & T Lewis know how to sneak it past the censors. Way to go guys.

  47. Mibbitmaker
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “And just who’s fault is that, LuAnn?”, snapped Paul. Creepy cultist man or not, she had that coming.

    Archie: Chandler and Joey, he’s not.

    Crank: The joke’s not bad, it’s the set-up that’s contrived to get there.

    DT: That man’s ruined more classic hit songs than advertising!

    MT: Never has such a sad bear been so hysterically funny! And it makes conversational sense, too!

    Marvin: If she’s so hot for that puny mutt, she must have a really, really tiny doggie vagina.
    Most of that last comment is distasteful and I apologize.

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#42): low slung, and black&tan. it was a very odd looking little doggie, but friendly, and a good reason to stop into the shop.

  49. cheech wizard
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    FW – Lisa’s birthday videos are kind of like Hari Seldon’s periodic appearances in the Foundation Trilogy, except her predictions are stuff like “by now, you’ve lost three close friends in traffic accidents…your own dreams of professional success are not panning out like you hoped they would…in the next 36 months, expect your adoptive mother to be diagnosed with pancreatic cancer while your father shows the first signs of Alzheimers…” Of course, given that this is Funky Winkerbean, it’s really not a very impressive trick.

    MT – I’ve seen some dumb things in this strip, but taking the muzzle off an 800-lb bear who’s just been riled up by a pack of wolves pretty much takes the cake.

    A3G – Well, Gary never “knew” her either, since he shipped out to Vietnam immediately after the wedding ceremony. Of course, the big shocker for Paul is going to be when Lu Ann tells him she’s 67 years old.

  50. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    3G – In the strict biblical sense, Lu Ann, I’m pretty sure Paul has never “known” anybody. At all. Even himself. In fact, I think he’d be a prime candidate for the old “How do you know we’re not having sex right now?” routine.

    Bizarro – My foot falls asleep and dreams it’s chasing a rabbit. So cute.

    Dick – Papa Oom Mau Mau threatens to raise his shaggy head once again. Next week: The Trashmen take Dick for a ride — to the dump! to the dump! to the dump dump dump!

  51. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Smirky – Darin puts the tape back on the shelf with all the other Lisa tapes. There’s “Darin’s Birthday,” “Darin’s First DUI,” “The Birds and the Bees,” “Darin’s Second DUI,” and “Don’t Get On That Plane, Darin!”

    Herb“Real friends laugh at your dumb joke, even when they’ve heard it before.”
    So Bentley’s saying we’re not real friends? Eh, I can take it.

    Judge – “It’s worse than we thought. Every time he writes April’s name, he dots the i with a little heart. Awwwww.”

  52. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Mark“I haven’t been there since he died!”
    The first thing out of Honey’s mouth since the muzzle came off, and it’s a bearfaced lie.

    Orange – Cue the housewife chorus. We’re ready to start “Six Months out of Every Year” from “Damn Yankees.”

    Id“Frosty’s in the slammer?”
    Hey, you know what might have been funny? “Cooler” instead of “slammer.” See, because he’s a snowman. Huh? Huh? Huh?

  53. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#22): Yes! We need more polkas, especially “occasional” polkas written for specific occasions and purposes. (I, uh, have an accordion, you know.)

    @Rixter (#38): Tater’s speaking in tongues!
    Well, it’s a logical development. We’ve always known that the inhabitants of Hootin’ Holler laff in tongues.

  54. Will
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Also, I’m your mom’s boss. So, you’re unbelievably busted.”
    PBS: I love Pig. That is all.

  55. Sequitur
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    What is it with all the bears lately?

  56. tb4000
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    MT: Holy shit, a talking bear! And it’s more charismatic than its human co-stars!

  57. Shrug
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#46):

    “OTH: It’s okay to say “gonad” and “nads” in a family comic strip?”

    Which reminds me that I meant to point out yesterday’s POOCH CAFE, where Poncho’s tail talked back to his master by “saying”: FLICK!

  58. Donkey Hotey
    December 17th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Apparently Rex got his medical degree from the American Red Cross.

  59. Zaratustra
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: The scam was going perfectly until the bear blew it. See, this is why you don’t use amateurs.

  60. Trillian
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @TheRealAaron (#36): I am constantly rewriting comic strips in my head. Don’t these people have editors?

  61. Pseudo3D
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MT – The bear talks once more!…and so does Mother McQueen’s crotch?

    MW – What if Mary’s wrong? What then?

    RMMD – “…and welcome to Hell!”

    FC – All I can see is poor Barfy OUTSIDE the door. Ever since he took a dump below the Christmas tree, he’s been exiled from the house…forever.

    Zig – “In other news tonight, we found a burned out house with remains of a cat, a parrot, a dog, and what appears to be some sort of humanoid troll.”

  62. Comcis Fan
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    He loves his cap. And booties.

    Speaking of which, were the Looney Toons cartoon ducks, bunnies etc. as horny when we were kids as they are now? I realize that cartoon cats were always horny, what with their eyes and tongues always popping out of their faces at the sight of a shapely female, but were they all so aroused so often, in front of the children?

  63. Pseudo3D
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#18): I remember that. Remember that! But it’s not nearly as bad this time last year, LAST YEAR! (okay, I’ll stop now) where the dialogue was basically: “I’m going to kill you, Tracy”

  64. tallyHO
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#61):
    It would be hilarious if in a future strip her crotch starts singing.

    “I’m Just Wild About Harry”
    “Doing the Ragtime Rag!”

  65. This Guy
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    BGSS: Aww, baby Tater just ordered his first malt beverage. Of course, he’ll be whipped for requesting anything other than antifreeze-flavored moonshine.

    Momma: I still object to the term “flautist.” I never learned to play the flaut. Sure, Italian terminology (flauto) is everywhere in music, but we don’t call bassoonists “fagottists,” do we?

    R==R: The prototype iterations of the Human Centipede were surprisingly tame, all things considered.

    Speed Bump: Is this better or worse than having “Eram quod es, eris quod sum” [*] on your tombstone?

  66. Tara
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    I think all portrayals of poodles in the media are sexist. Why is the poodle always a girl? Mine is a boy.

  67. ArchieNemesis
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Hi There (#40): Your haiku skills do not go unappreciated. And you made Funky Winkerbean humorous. Nicely done!

  68. Baka Gaijin
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    The good news: a comic strip used the sentence, “Just because I can fart the National Anthem doesn’t mean I’m gonna subject everyone to it.” The bad news: It’s The Dinette Set. Better news: It wasn’t Crankshaft.

    Ces, good mind-fuck there.

  69. Liam
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    FW-Get ready for another time jump. Monday the camera is going to pull back and revel that Darin is the old man from Crankshaft.

  70. commodorejohn
    December 17th, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#65): Sure, Italian terminology (flauto) is everywhere in music, but we don’t call bassoonists “fagottists,” do we?
    As of now, I do.

  71. Lily Sincere
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    The male dog in today’s “Marvin” is dressed up in a quasi-human outfit. This seems to be attractive to the female dog. Does that make her the dog equivalent of a furry? Does the male dog really want to get into a relationship, however fleeting, with someone who is attracted to the very thing he reviles most about his appearance, or is that part of the appeal for him?

  72. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Barney Google: Still AWOL, 5,459 days.

  73. Sequitur
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#64):
    Hello my baby, hello my honey
    Hello my ragtime gal…

  74. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#62): Tom Cat occasionally reacted well to the sight of Tootles (who a friend of mine calls “the mouse cat” because she looks as much like one as the other), and Tex Avery’s Wolf reacted extremely well to Red Riding Hoods — who, to be fair, almost always rated a strong reaction. Neither of these were Looney Tunes, but that’s a technicality. Oh, and Private SNAFU was not immune to the charms of the ladies, though apart from his girlfriend back home, the only ones interested in him were usually some variety of Hitler in a dress.

  75. This Guy
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#70): I can see I’ve created a monster.

  76. tallyHO
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#73):
    Of course it would only sing that when Mark Trail isn’t around. When he is around, it would shut up like a clam.

  77. Eleonora Rigby
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Regarding Marvin, I once met some people who had the most interesting looking dog. It was a cross between a rottweiler and a dachshund. I could only hope that the rottweiler was the female in that pairing. I was also a bit astounded at the concept–how exactly does it go on with such a size discrepancy?

  78. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#70): bassoonists, taking double wood deep. . . .

  79. Eleonora Rigby
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    I wondered that myself. Mark Trail’s inadvertently talking animals are a source of amusement.

  80. Phred22
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#17): I’m suspecting Marvin’s artist is indulging in tasteless stereotypes. This ‘poodle’ will flatter Junior so she can sic him on unwanted male suitors. But she won’t have to put out for him and can chase him away if a nice bitch comes along.

  81. Rixter
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#53): “We’ve always known that the inhabitants of Hootin’ Holler laff in tongues.
    True. BTW, I tried laffin Hootin’ Holler style (protruding tongue with “yak yak”) and just wound up biting my tongue. I guess I just don’t have the right genes for it.

  82. tallyHO
    December 17th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry. After taking a second, longer look at the Mark Trail strip I feel compelled to say that is some crappy cartoon art. It looks horrible. Yet, that is partially what is making it so funny.

    I just noticed that the main character is in the first frame. Why? I don’t know but he is either behind the yakking crotch trick or he is playing non-googly eyes with that bear, which is playfully sticking its tongue out at the Mark Trail.

    Someone else mentioned the size of the characters in the last panel. The art is just badly done. And, I guess that is partially why it is endearing.

    Maybe we’ll be fortunate and the bear will sing a duet with the androgeshaman’s crotch and we will witness a beautiful Sunday strip on Christmas Morn. It will make Tiny Tim (that unfortunately named lad) utter how it is the Best Christmas Evah!

  83. AtomicDog
    December 17th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Marvin – When was the last time you saw a male poodle in a comic strip?

  84. Rixter
    December 17th, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @AtomicDog (#83): “When was the last time you saw a male poodle in a comic strip?
    When Les Moore was dressed as Shakespeare.

  85. Mibbitmaker
    December 17th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#81): The “right genes for it” come from generations of inbreeding.

    DT: At some point, the next time he’s in a showdown with Dick, Putty Puss will almost certainly break into “Tracy” by the Cuff Links (1969). It will be very awkward!

  86. Jonn
    December 17th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Given the extent to which Junior’s new love interest towers over him, her studded leather collar and the black hearts floating over her head seem disturbingly significant.

    As long as they have a safewoof.

  87. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 17th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    JP Can it be coincidence that Bubu Chibale is an anagram for “A Bi Chub Lube” – which, I’m assuming, is an adult novelty product for sexually adventurous obese people? Obviously the shooter is associated with the burgeoning anti-gay anti-fatty movement! As Cicero put it in his Oration against Catiline: O tempora, O mores!, remarking on the gourmand Catiline’s frequent trips to the Chinese buffet line. To which the Japanese ambassador replied, Edo, ergo dim sum, an epistemological crisis, as Josh would put it, indeed.

  88. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 17th, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#52): bearfaced lie. ouch. Your wife and daughter must be very strong people.

  89. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 17th, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#82): “androgeshaman” ? This does not google… Is this a portmanteau of “androgynous” and “shaman”?

  90. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    December 17th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Honey denies everything. His expression tells a different story, though.

  91. Droopy Says
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    LoFo Pluggers: “A Plugger doesn’t mind if his wife wears the pants in the family.” “Pluggers like to spice up their marriage from time to time.”

    Mary Meddle: “Gina, will you look at that girl? The low-rent hairstyle? The sadly-angled eyes? The aura of despair? She’s your long-lost daughter! Don’t you remember?”

  92. tallyHO
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#89):
    Yeah. It’s one of them kind of words.

    As soon as I posted it I came up with shemanshaman.

    I wish there was a do over….but “androgeshaman” still make me chuckle.

  93. seismic-2
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @AtomicDog (#83): “When was the last time you saw a male poodle in a comic strip?

    Well, Pooch Cafe has Poo Poo, a male Bichon Frise with a pink bow in his hair and who is carried around in his owner’s purse. But he likes to hang out at the Cafe’ with the other guys and drink, so he asserts his masculinity. Like the Monty Python tune, “He’s a Bichon Frise and he’s OK…”

  94. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Christina Hendricks does Johny Walker ads.

    Johny Red just got that much better. *swoon* (and Johny Black with Barettos.

    if they ever make a Judge Parker movie, Christina is Abby.

  95. A different JD
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Have you ever wondered why, for the last couple of years, Tiffany has been so obsessed with getting under Luann’s skin? Could it be because she really wants to get into Luann’s pants? Notice how in the last panel, Luann is looking not at Quill but at Tiffany — coincidence????

    Oh, and congrats to Funky Winkerbean for the most plot-free Saturday strip in history. Why not just write “come back tomorrow” and leave it at that?

  96. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    FW: Right into the trash!! Yes!!

    MT: Is that the bear talking?

    MW: NEVER get in the way of Mary and a meddle!

    RMMD: “I’m Rex Morgan. I’m here to turn you into a woman tonight!”

  97. Pseudo3D
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    OK: let’s go through this. We first saw the talking bear back in November, for a few strips he said some more lines, then Mother McQueen muzzled him for over a month. The bear went silent. Now, the muzzle is off, and the bear speaks again!

    COINCIDENCE?

  98. zerowolf
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    911 Dispatch: Santa Royale Police Department, How may I help you.

    Caller: I want to report a kidnapping.

    911 Dispatch: Is it a young girl, blond hair?

    Caller: No, some crazy old lady just grabbed our waitress and is dragging her out the door.

  99. Pseudo3D
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#97): And interestingly, the same thread about the talking bear also has the “talking crotches” too, back from 2007!

  100. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: I don’t think size variances are a really big issue in doggy sex. Extremes of either size are generally found in purebreds, who are purebreds because humans are breeding them that way and will continue to do so. As to whether dog dominatrixes offer golden… Stopping there for my own sake.

    MT: For all the talk of Mother McQueen’s masculine appearance, I really don’t think it’s been addressed enough. If Leslie Nielsen grew his hair long and wore it in a bun, Jack Elrod would say, “Now that is one handsome woman. I’m going in.”

    Phantom: Thank you, talking Magic 8 Ball. I’m sure your carefully chosen non-specifics will be a great comfort to the woman who’ll soon be told she’s a widow.

    Agnes: When snow covers their dead pickup truck, grandmother and granddaughter will soon have their fill of each other. It’s a very Donner Christmas.

    A3G: Pa Linski must have paid only half of the private investigator’s bill, if he knows Lu Ann has been married but not that her husband is (missing, presumed) dead. Whatever. Hopefully she’ll at last start to see that her piano-moving Prince Charming isn’t.

    S4th: Hey, invite him in, Sally. A buffer is a buffer.

    Lockhorns: You know, if these two once had a kid, and Leroy encouraged their son or daughter along the path of suicide for love… Well, let’s just say it would explain a lot.

    RMMD: “And in a surprise twist, I’m also Spider’s little brother.”

    BB: So blonds really do have more fun.

    Luann: Evil temptress evilly doesn’t want to miss her evil flight.

    DT: More and more it’s looking like Harvey Niav’s annoyed henchmen will riddle him with bullets before Dick’s itchy trigger finger gets a taste.

  101. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#94): No matter how much success she has in other shows, to me Christina Hendricks will always be “Our Mrs. Reynolds.”

    And hot. She’ll also always be hot.

  102. Old School Allie Cat
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#100):

    When my dad was a kid, his mother bred and raised Yorkies. The desirable trait back then was “the smaller, the better”.

    There was a stud in their town named Billy Whiskers – prized for his petite stature. So, when Billy came to pay a visit to my grandmother’s bitch in heat, he was in fact, so small that they had to get a phonebook for him to stand on to get the job done.

    Yep, love hearing stories about the good old days.

  103. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#96):

    RMMD: “I’m Rex Morgan. I’m here to turn you into a woman tonight!”

    Um, are we talking about the same Rex Morgan?

  104. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#101): Amen brother, Amen.

  105. commodorejohn
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

  106. bostonbeertourist
    December 17th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Solipsism raises its ugly head on The Phantom!

  107. Baka Gaijin
    December 17th, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#81): Genes, no. You have teeth.

  108. Joe Blevins
    December 17th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

  109. Abby, the Wonderdog
    December 17th, 2011 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    I had no idea that smelling salts could be a cure for date rape.

    Maybe Rex could break out one of his old-school public service comics and teach kids about this and other myths about sex. Like the myth that men have sex with other men. Really, it never happens. It was all horseplay in the scrub room with the residents, and horseplay at the nineteenth hole, and horseplay on the boat, and horseplay with “Fence Post” Frank (could he hold barbed wire!)…….

    Bark! Bark! Bark!

  110. Sequitur
    December 17th, 2011 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#107): Very logical. I approve.

  111. Écureuil Écumant
    December 17th, 2011 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#65): “Momma: I still object to the term ‘flautist.’ I never learned to play the flaut.”

    Coincidentally, as I finished reading this post I heard a call come over the police scanner for a “DUI in progress” on a nearby street. The car was a light blue Mazda convertible “with the tags Frank, Lima, Uniform, Tango, India, Sierra, Tango”.

    Now, this easy bust would never have happened if this person had only considered himself a “flautist” because it’s too long to fit on a vanity plate, and had been satisfied with the state-issued Yahtzee variety.

    Sorry, old fella, I squeezed tango in there twice but no polka. Flautists aren’t in with that crowd anyway, despite the beer barrels that typically litter the scene.

  112. Rixter
    December 17th, 2011 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#100): “For all the talk of Mother McQueen’s masculine appearance, I really don’t think it’s been addressed enough.
    You know, Mother McQueen is really starting to grow on me; somehow she reminds me of Anna Madrigal in Tales of the City (who was decidedly not masculine-looking). Now I’ll spend the rest of the weekend pondering the other characters and deciding which Trail character most resembles Michael Mouse.

  113. This Guy
    December 17th, 2011 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#111): The real missing dance there is “foxtrot” (not the comic.) “Frank”? Did the officer or dispatcher forget that one?

    At any rate, a flutist I am and a flutist I will remain, license-plate shenanigans be damned.

  114. The Ridger
    December 17th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @TheRealAaron (#36): Is there a TVTrope for jokes that would have worked with just 10 more seconds of thought, but instead totally fail? Because it seems like there should be. One of my favorite examples of this when Luanne’s dweeby teacher wrote “Test tomorrow STUDY CHAPS 6-7″ on the board, except what he wrote was CHAP 5 6-7. That could have been funny, with CHAP 5 7-8. But who wouldn’t write 5-7?

  115. bats :[
    December 17th, 2011 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @A different JD (#95): how about just writing, “Hah! I get paid for this!”?

  116. Cloudbuster
    December 17th, 2011 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    FW: That’s it?

    Think about if you were going to put together annual videotapes for the child you knew would have to grow up without you? One tape a year to try to convey a lifetime of wisdom and love.

    Would one year’s entry play like: “(Happy Birthday song) I wish I could be there* to hug you and tell you how proud** I am of you. I’m really glad I got to know Fred and Ann … they’re terrific! I’m sure you’re well on your way in life … maybe married*** … And I can’t help wondering if there are any grand-kids coming along. So one more time, Darin … Happy Birthday! (long pause) Wow it’s getting really hard finding anything interesting to say in these damn videos. This is harder than I thought…. Is that thing still running? Shit! Fuck it. My show is on.****”

    Because if that’s what your entry would play like, fuck you, you’re a terrible dead parent! That’s the lamest video from beyond the grave ever! Even if we assume there was a lot more said, we can also assume the strip gave us the highlights, the interesting parts (because if there was more interesting, wise, poignant stuff that didn’t get in the strip … WTF? Is it coming out in the director’s cut?).

    * But I can’t! Because I’m dead! Of cancer! Les isn’t soiling my memory by fucking some hussy, is he?

    ** Even though I have no idea what you’re like or what you’re doing now. I suppose that takes a little of the special out of the concept of “proud” if it doesn’t require anything more out of you than being able to play a video tape: “Yay! You played the tape! I’m so proud!” But the books say to be supportive. So, proud, OK? You feelin it, kid?

    *** Or maybe not. Who knows? Not me. I’m dead. Of cancer! Whatever.

    **** OK, I made up that last part. It’s fake but accurate.

  117. Black Drazon
    December 17th, 2011 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    DT: Dick continues operating in his weird but intriguing amalgam of the 30s and the (20)10s, and as he does so his surviving villains start to pick up neuroses, as seems only fair after making it out alive from an encounter with Dick Tracy. But what’s actually strange is that these people still seem to be in charge, and are even being given positions of power by people that have also survived Tracy. It’s Batman logic, with the survivors becoming the subject of worship in the criminal underworld. My point is, since this story involved Dick telling a civilian how impressed he was with her resemblance to a corpse he put into a river once, these small-timers are still bowing to the wrong gods.

  118. Mibbitmaker
    December 17th, 2011 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#89): I thought it was an admixture of “androgynous” and “shaman”.

    That’s what happens when Brooke McEldowney is your English teacher!

  119. Some Guy
    December 17th, 2011 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    ASM “My ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete! Ah-ha-ha-ha!”

    Crankshaft: The Funkyverse, where characters form stilted, sentence-like stuctures that no-one would really say, so that other characters can make forced puns.

    Hagar: You’re trying to grow vegetables inside a hut with tiny windows because they’d let in more draughts than light anyway, and which fills with smoke because the fireplace hasn’t been invented yet. I don’t think watering them is going to help.

    FC: From 15th December onwards, the Keane Kids can only communicate in Christmas songs.

    GT: “Well, the magazines sound interesting…”

    Love Is… So, um, given that they don’t have pockets, do they have to carry those mobiles around all day or … NO! UNTHINK IT! UNTHINK IT!

    OBH: If Joe and Dean from Heart of the City collaborated on a Christmas show, I would so watch it!

  120. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#119): o goodness.

    could you just IMAGINE Heart and Ruthie on stage together?!?!?!?

  121. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#119): unthink “set to vibrate”. . . . . .

  122. seismic-2
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#119): The only thing that makes that scenario at all bearable is the thought that they may have Crankshaft on their speedfart.

  123. Liam
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#116):

    I think today’s comic is the setup for a time jump.

  124. OMEGA SUPREME
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mother McCree is Phil Hartman. I just figured that out.

  125. Poteet
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    PHANTOM — I don’t follow Stripey-Butt any more, and one reason is because the cryptic dialogue gave me a facial expression like that of Ernesto’s wife, but much less attractive.

  126. Poteet
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    MW — It’s Day Twenty of the Emily Smith story and we’ve seen the poster twelve times. And could we please hurry up and get to the inevitable part where Mary is hailed as the savior of Emily and is hoisted onto the shoulders of the cheering populace.

  127. Poteet
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#116): Yay! Well said!

  128. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure exactly why*, but the chicken marsala turned out absolutely wonderful.

    *gentle burp*

    [*]

  129. Poteet
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    MT — “After my husband died, I used most of the gold to pay for a sex change. Once the transition is complete, my bun will make a rockin’ ponytail!”

  130. Uncle Lumpy
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#125):

    I don’t follow Stripey-Butt any more …

    Aw, and he was just getting started!

    I’m upset we’re never going to see Barreto’s take on Savarna. Or Hawa and Kay!

  131. Poteet
    December 17th, 2011 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @ER (#24): I have friends who own a rescued dog that is apparently half black lab and half dachshund. Same basic combo, a full black-lab head and torso on dachshund legs. A sweet-tempered dog that is also surprisingly cute, and as for how it came to be, notgonnathinkaboudit notgonnathinkaboudit. I am beginning to have a new view of dachshunds, however.

  132. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2011 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

  133. Dennis
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    I now have that image stuck in my head, and can’t stop laughing. I don’t know what that says about me.

  134. Sgt. Stoned
    December 17th, 2011 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    BB: Who knew that Sgt. Snorkel was blonde?

    MW: Bree’s facial expression in panel 2 is priceless: “Get your hands offa me, bitch!”

  135. Readem and Laf
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#6): Not only does the bear talk, HE LIES!

    “I haven’t been there since he died!” EXCEPT FOR LEADING KELLY AND HER CAMERA THERE!

  136. Baka Gaijin
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @Readem and Laf (#135): I guess I’m the only one still amazed that the bear can talk at all. What he says is irrelevant, much like certain candidates who appear on certain debates.

  137. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#131): Sounds like a dwarf laborador actually, which, sadly, is one of the most common issues Labs have with overbreeding.

    I volunteered for a shelter where there was a beagle/rottweiler mix, and the beagle was the STUD. Way to go, chief.

    MT: I love Mother McQueen’s jacket with the leather fringies. All she needs now is to hop on a chopper and head out to an Air Supply concert.

  138. Sequitur
    December 17th, 2011 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    What’s the big deal with talking bare? I’m sure it’s done all the time.

  139. Droopy Says
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#134): Only his hairdresser knew for sure!

  140. ElkMeadow
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#62):

    Loony Tunes males would get excited over any female with curves. I think you’re also thinking about Tex Avery cartoons.

  141. Pseudo3D
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#125): Phantom has the workings of a great comic strip, one of the world’s first superheroes fighting criminals in exotic locations. Unfortunately, incomprehensible plotlines, a boring “superhero” with an amazingly embarrassing costume, lack of a real alterego and more make it not worth following and worth avoiding. Spider-Man at least tries to take itself less seriously, with silly characters and an incompetent superhero, and is at least readable as a result.

  142. redfive
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    MT – The bear is breaking the 4th wall, looking at us like “WTF?! A dog named princess just saved me from a pack of wolves, and this bird-bible-banding, crotch-talking, honey bear-muzzling, buckskin androgoshaman with her trigger happy Mountie is running her own private petting zoo compound with a dead man’s gold mine. As it says in Genesis 1:20, Free me from this ICY HELL!”

  143. Uncle Lumpy
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @redfive (#142):

    Free me from this ICY HELL!

    As Jean-Paul Sartre said after reading For Better or For Worse, “Hell is Canadian people, eh?”

  144. gnome de blog
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Panel 3 clinches it. Dead Lisa is Jor-el.

  145. word-doctor
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Marvin–To quote Buzzy, he’d look like a woodtick on her ass.

  146. Poteet
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#137): Thanks! I didn’t know there were dwarf black labs, and I haven’t been able to find an image of one online, but I will mention that possibility to my friends.

  147. Anonymous
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#143): Many former Jeopardy contestants have remarked that Alex Trebek is a frosty Canadian hellhound. @Uncle Lumpy (#143):

  148. Droopy Says
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: I don’t want to see Thor as Spiderman’s next foe. Parker is a feeble enough hero without pitting him against Mr. Gullible.

    Mock Trail: Wrong, Elrod! Santa uses reindeer as his sleigh’s powerplant because, unlike birds and bats, they don’t crap in flight. That’s why you don’t find reindeer droppings all around the world on Christmas morning. You’d think a famous naturalist like Trail would know these things, and not mislead the comic-reading youth of America with a spurious argument about a heat-conserving circulatory system.

    Crankshat: Get rid of Cranky by sending him on a trip? That won’t work. He’ll just find his way home again. What you want to do is bury him under the addition, then use the money to bribe the building inspector into approving the modifications.

    Shoe: Even Brookins knows this “joke” doesn’t rate the usualy goggle-eyed look of horror.

  149. Charlene
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    MT: Do you think the bear sings “Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime pal” when nobody’s looking?

  150. Here Come ole Flattop
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    10/18 Crankenstein: That’s it. The “addition” is 12′ x 12′. Good luck putting anything in there of consequence. See, Batnuts, when you draw your exterior diaphram as you have, you have three 4040 windows (4′ x 4′) and each exterior wall is 12′ long (three 4X8 sheets of OSB, ply, or whatever material you’re trying to represent). So, just guessing that you’re representing 4X construction, your interior finished walls are 11′ – 7.5″ x 11′ – 3″. Finished area? 130.7SF. Where’s the closet? Oh. . . current building code precludes the use of interior diagonal wall braces. So, you fail.

  151. ElkMeadow
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    Prince Valiant still hasn’t posted, and I’m getting a bit annoyed. Mary is still brow-beating that poor waitress, whose customers are either a) leaving (including guy with the kid, or b) complaining to the manager. In the amount of time Mary has been dragging her around, Mary could have called the police herself AND everyone would have gotten their coffee, and maybe even stayed for a nice slice of pie and left decent tips, and the police would have arrived and found out what was going on. Fortunately, in the real life with cases we’ve had in the Pacific Northwest, people didn’t stand around and harass the wait staffs, but had the decency and the brains to either use their cell phones or ask to borrow one.

  152. ElkMeadow
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    And Rex Morgan is just oozing with sap as June proudly stands there in front of the admiring crowd and praises Niki. As if a bunch of underage drinkers would be standing around like 40 year old adults at a softball picnic.

  153. Mr. O'Malley
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:43 am [Reply]

    MT: Santa Claus has reindeer to pull his sleigh because he is the personification of fly agaric, Amanita muscaria.

    The Sami have a custom of feeding fly agaric to their deer and collecting the urine to drink. The reindeer’s digestive system metabolises the more poisonous components of the toadstool, leaving urine with the hallucinogenic and psychotropic elements of the fungus intact. Drinking the urine gives a ‘high’ similar to taking LSD. Under the hallucinatory effects of the drink, the Sami thought their reindeer were flying through space, looking down on the world. The reindeers’ liking for the toadstool hallucinogens are such that they, in turn, have been known to eat the snow on which intoxicated humans have urinated, creating a reciprocating cycle.

  154. Sylocat
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:54 am [Reply]

    And for once, the obligatory ill-placed word balloon in Mark Trail actually makes perfect sense coming from the animal who appears to be saying it.

  155. ElkMeadow
    December 18th, 2011 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    Prince Valiant is on board now. Why does Honey the talking bear seem more entertaining than this story line? So Blondie Boy is a golem? With high class education and martial arts training? And now he’s doomed, doomed, doomed, to return to the elements once his forehead tattoo is discovered and removed.

    Good night, Bismark.

  156. ElkMeadow
    December 18th, 2011 at 4:20 am [Reply]

    Nice art at PV, though, if Val wasn’t making faces in that one panel.

  157. Baka Gaijin
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:58 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Strips

    I think you’re onto something, Ces. Santa does seem a little to eager to cancel Christmas at the drop of a hat.

    For those of you wondering about Napoleon and his hand in his famous portrait, see the real story here.

    Slylock Fox Mystery: As Dan Akroyd circa 1975 might say, “Slylock, you ignorant slut.” The perpetrator was having a refreshing glass of water after egging the car but was interrupted when The Shrewman returned. In his haste to exit, Reeky Rat knocked over the glass. It’s always Reeky Rat.

    Slylock Fox How to Draw: I’m no Mark Trail, but is that little piggy presenting?

  158. Dennis Jimenez
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    MT – So then Penthouse Forum, the King of the bears says, “You must choose – death or bonga-bonga”….

  159. John C Fremont
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    DT – Man, this guy must like the hell out of Men Without Hats.

    Six Differences – “Froggy went a c-c-c-courtin’ he did ride, C-C-C-C-C-Crambone…”

  160. Andy147
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    The sex lives of vastly different-sized dogs has come up before in Marvin (and indeed in Comics Curmudgeon), when a tiny dog was apparently bothered by the “armpit hair” on an Irish Wolfhound in a comic which has become no less obnoxious in the 5 years since it first appeared.

  161. Vince M
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#62): Bugs Bunny at the end of ‘Hair-Raising Hare’ was a real surprise for me: “Well? So it’s MECHANICAL!”

  162. $$$Westville Oncologist$$$$$
    December 18th, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    MT- How much better would Mark Trail be if it just gave in and admit the animals can talk?

  163. Jeanne
    December 18th, 2011 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Years ago my parents had this enormous dog that looked like a giant red lab. Their neighbors up the street accused it of knocking up their champion female English bulldog. Sure enough, the resulting pup was clearly Rama’s extremely ugly so n(imagine a red bulldog, but with long legs). My extremely prudish mother, when she saw the pup, turned to me and said “what do you think she was standing on?”

  164. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 19th, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: The last panel is f-ing hot!!! Can I get an “amen”?

  165. Readem and Laf
    December 19th, 2011 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    MT Are these the Bear(ka-ch)ing Straits?

  166. Edwin Herdman
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Comics Curmudgeon: Presented by Furaffinity, and “Little bears in big booties; big dogs in bondage!” Sorry that the trivial way in which the MT storyline piddled out upset you so much, Josh! You’ll get better, I swear!

    Anyway, what office is Jack Elrod running for? Huh….

    Phantom offers up the least reassuring assurance ever. “Don’t be worried…the whole world is built on lies! LIES AND DECEIT! I know this because I often trick bad guys by riding under horse bellies! In fact, your dead husband could be off somewhere sunny with another woman right now! But don’t worry; you don’t have any evidence of that either!”

  167. Jonathan
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    I am I said,
    to no one there,
    and no one spoke at all,
    not even the bear!

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