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Pluggers eyes will remain intact

Beetle Bailey, 12/18/11

Just beneath the corny wackiness of Beetle Bailey is of course a constant undercurrent of brutal violence, but I’ve never seen it quite so explicit as it is today. We see Camp Swampy as a set of mutually hostile fiefdoms, whose simmering resentment towards each other could escalate to open carnage based on the most minor of disputes, with little that the camp commanders can do to restrain their nominal underlings. The final panel is particularly harrowing: Sarge, still so keyed up that he probably can’t even feel those visible bruises yet, stalking off wide-eyed from the mangled corpse of his rival, which he’s left among the strewn garbage and its stink lines.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 12/18/11

Ha, this is a great look at the pathetic home life of Shady Shrew! Rotting food on the floor, bugs everywhere demonstrating his failure as an insectivore, a hole in the window that instead of fixing or even covering with plastic sheeting he’s just using to lob eggs at penguins, suitcases at the ready in case he ever needs to bust out the old “No, I just got back from a long trip, I swear!” alibi, etc. Thank God his mother isn’t around to see this. (She’s not dead, just so disgusted by her son that she never comes by to visit.)

Pluggers, 12/18/11

Normally I shave off the Pluggers Sunday title panel so that you can get a better look at the actual comic itself (to punish you, I guess?) but today I wanted you to see the trio of plugger-spawn smiling at you from above the strip’s logo. Despite their genetic abnormalities, pluggers have managed to reproduce, which means there will be another generation of this comic, despite your fondest hopes! On the bright side, these young pluggers would rather sit dully on their couch diddling with computer whatsits than learn the basics of becoming a guerilla army.

189 responses to “Pluggers eyes will remain intact”

  1. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    BG&ss Five thousand four hundred sixty days since Barney Google last appeared in the comic strip named after him. Is not all decency appalled?

  2. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Quiet here. Where’s the outrage?

  3. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    do i hear crickets?

  4. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Me & Barney can whip ev’ry man in this here bar!

  5. DebiDawg
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Josh, I think you meant Shrew, not Shew!

  6. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    ‘k, fun’s fun, where is everyone?

  7. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @DebiDawg (#5): Thank goodness!

  8. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Can’t talk, in emotional turmoil after learning there are rhinoceros Pluggers. OH GOD WHY

  9. Lolsworth
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    I’m now certain. They just built a giant wall around Camp Swampy one night, erected a sign saying “Trespassers will be shot” and then ran.

  10. elegantmechanic
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Pluggers miss the good old days of Daisy Red Ryder BB guns because you could use those things to kill small animals such as their own obnoxious children.

  11. mstgator
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#2): No time to talk here. Busy organizing “Occupy Hootin’ Holler” rally.

  12. TheDiva
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Pluggers hate newfangled gadgets so much that they even hate complaining about them, and long for the days when they could just say “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!”

    SFx: Or because Shady is so obviously and desperately impoverished he wouldn’t have the money necessary for a vacation, but sure, water on the table, that works too.

    9CL: PROTIP TO BROOKE: When most people have sex on a date but are discussing said date with someone the don’t want to disclose their sex life to (say, a close relative), they usually say something discreet like “I had a great time,” rather than nudge-nudging their way around the subject and then pretending ignorance.

    C’shaft: “Or to hire a hitman to take him out for good, your call.”

    FW: Even the Christmas garland in Funkytown is black and depressing.

    Luann: Luann gets out of her depth as she’s forced to think about someone other than herself.

    Marvin: It’s funny because his mom is poor and miserably lonely, yet they can only stir themselves enough to get her a generic Christmas present.

    MW: At this point I fear for Bree more than Emily Pageboy Smith.

    SM: At tonight’s performance, the role of Mary Jane will be played by Flo the Creepy Progressive Insurance Lady.

  13. Old Goat
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @DebiDawg (#5): As Ed Sullivan would have said about Shady, “That’s a really big shew!”

  14. pugfuggly
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Slylock Mr. Penguin looks pretty pissed, and no wonder! Throwing eggs in a bird’s car is roughly equivalent to me dumping a load of orangutang fetuses in your vehicle.

    Pluggers seem keen on interspecies marriages, so why don’t we see more bizarre hybrids among their young? Where’s the bearhinos and the chickenpuppies and the lizardcats?

  15. DebiDawg
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Old Goat (#13): Ha ha! Ed Sullivan was the first thing that popped into my head!

  16. Chareth Cutestory
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: If only there were some sort of ranking system that would allow Sergeants to tell some personnel of lesser ranks to do unappealing chores!! Like, hmmmm, cleaning up the garbage? I’m assuming too much, though, because I’m sure Camp Swampy’s rampant morale problems, lack of respect, and overall misunderstanding of hygiene are the cause of these various litter islands in the first place.

  17. tb4000
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    9CL: And just like that, it gets creepy again.

  18. MapDark
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Pluggers :
    Am I the only one who thinks the artists just basically looked at a random page in a best buy flyer and wrote down the first products they could read on there?
    Because I can’t think of a kid who would want BOTH a MySims game and a tablet optimised towards e-books.

    MW :
    I KNOOOOOOOOW It’s her biiiiaatch! I’ll call the cops while YOU put yourself in a position where things could get dangerous for you ! I’ll use you as a human shield if anything goes bad!

    Apartment 3G :
    Like you’re the moral authority there Paul ! You’re basically pushing a girl into marriage and arranging a BABY ROOM before you’re married . You force your crazy breeder cult family unto her and then COMPLAIN that she had a life before she met you? Wow! just wow! And knowing a dead husband’s name now is hurting your heart ? Cry me a river and go cut your veins or something you big fat emo! :P

    BB : I can just imagine what nearby woods and towns look like if all they do is let trash fly away to get rid of it! Oh excuse me , their %(#& trash!

    9cl : 9CL characters FINALLY realise that their overuse of verbal clichés and verbose imagery when it comes to , well … EVERYTHING is going to only give them headaches and difficulty following conversations. PROTIP : Next time , just say you had so much sex that the headboard left marks in the wall and leave it at that. Though this is a relative , so just don,t talk about horizontal mambo at all.

  19. Setec Astrology
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Old Goat (#13): That’s a big enough “shew” to make the midriff exposing tube top he’s wearing a particularly poor choice.

  20. Cloudbuster
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Shady responds that the glass was partially full when he left three weeks ago, and was just knocked over when he accidentally bumped the table with his suitcase after being shocked by the large, angry fox bursting through his door. So much for your deductive reasoning, Slylock. Is that all you’ve got?

  21. gleeb
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    A&J: Despite is a kind of noticing, Johnson.

    Barney Google: The sheriff is tired of petty malfeasance and graft, especially since he keeps getting caught.

    ‘shaft: Don’t these guys have access to nail guns and plausible excuses? Step it up, boys!

    Dick: As a fellow freak, the Pouch knows how much Putty Puss hates being called that.

    ‘bean: Fat failure Funky killed so much of his brain with drink that he can no longer remember song lyrics, and it’s funny!

  22. Liam
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    FW-Can we hang Les by the chimney?

    MT-Reindeer are known for the one type of role they play. Caribou are much more known for the variety of roles they can play.

    Crankshaft-The addition may look small on the outside but it is bigger on the inside.

  23. wossname
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    BaBlues – Wanda said boobs to Santa? Why, that’s… that’s… filthy talk!

    Crankshaft – This would make no sense to somebody who didn’t see the throwaway panels. I’m pretty sure this is the first time we’ve even seen Ed interact with the construction guys (other than the charming Portapotty incident) so we’ve seen no reason for them to dislike him so much, other than the fact that, well, he’s Ed.

    MT – Wait wait wait. Elementary law of physics. They can’t create energy. If the cold blood takes some of the warmth from the warm blood, then the warm blood is less warm, and the total amount of warmth in the reindeer is the same as if the veins and arteries were far apart. Not to mention the fact that Sundays are supposed to be natury facty days. So, um, Jackelrod, about Santa Claus – I’m not sure how to break this to you…

  24. Hibbleton
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary’s putting Bree in charge of stalling McThug and his child bride. What could possibly go wrong with that plan? Bree’s so dense she makes Toby look like Margaret Mead. One high-speed police chase coming up!

    A3G: There’s never a Fist-O’-Justice around when you need one.

  25. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Frazz: the Watterson influence is strong in the top row of panels.

    9CL: Monty Python did this gag better. (nudge-nudge, wink wink.)

    CdS: Gran’s still working on the second sleeve.

    GF: “jazz claws!”

    IP: wow, toon physical violence.

    LaCuc & Lio back to back was an interesting combo. o_O

    SBp: HAR! kids drive their parents to drink, amirite?

    MT: yup. reindeer. I expected that.

    RwO: backups, Santa, backups!

    SFx: guest-starring Beetle Bailey on banjo!

    Retail: mmmmm, Val.

  26. Baka Gaijin
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Daddy “Dearest” Linski obviously did not graduate from the Official Mary Worth School of Nosiness™ with an MBA (Massive Buttinski Administration).

  27. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Pluggers miss the good ol’ days when kids actually wanted to go out and kill things, rather than just pretending to on them newfangled whatchamacallits what hooks up to the TV.

  28. Peanut Gallery
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#4): Oh yeah? You and what Barney?

  29. Mark B
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Times are hard at Camp Swampy. Everything has taken on an awful yellow tone due to the shortage of digital blue ink.

    I’ve seen this kind of color fault in the paper copies sometimes when I’m unlucky enough to get the comics that were printed when one of the presses was running out of one color of ink, but I have no idea why the online copy would be missing one of the colors. i’ll attribute it to a complete lack of competence and give-a-shittery among team BB.

  30. Squeak
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Shylock, you have to quit jumping to conclusions! Shady really has returned from a three-week vacation. (Really, who keeps two packed suitcases nearby, just to have an alibi?) It was Shady’s house-sitting friend who threw the eggs, you twit!

  31. Hi There
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]


    Sorting through the contents of the crawlspace beneath Montoni’s, Les and Holly find the victims of Funky’s murderous rampage. There’s Cody (the bad seed), Alex the goth, homeless Apple Annie, Becky’s left arm, brutish Big Mac, Chien all dressed in black, Cindy on assignment, skateboard Eddie, Jessica the dumb blonde, sourpuss Jinx, short-eyes Kevin, forgettable Matt, Monroe with his nerdy glasses, Mooch (finally sleeping with Maddie), dumbass Pete with his dick in his hand, forgetful Rachel, Rana (she was in the band), sexy Sadie, and Susan (Hey Susie – homicide is almost as good as suicide!). Standing guard is douchebag Wally (finally getting the r n’ r he deserves).

    “Huh,” said Les while fiddling around with body parts. “I’d always wondered whatever happened to Wade.”

    “Who?” squeals Holly.

    “Oh, he’s just some old fuck we used to know,” mutters Les.

  32. Alter Ego
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#12):

    “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!”

    Oh, it’s A Christmas Story! Thank you for helping me understand the title of today’s post. Up to this point, my best guess was that it had something to do with masturbation.

  33. commodorejohn
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    BBlue – I don’t know what that means, but I like the sound of it.

    Crankshaft – Hey, here’s a thought, maybe next time you want to start your building project in the spring so it doesn’t run into the fucking winter. Just a thought.

    DT – Look, if any of the freaks in this strip are doing it, let alone engaging in some kind of longitudinal mass orgy, I don’t want to know.

    HTH – Yeah, nice of you to use the phrase “holiday season” to avoid answering the question of whether they’re pagans or not.

    JP – Wait, wait, what if it was Randy’s not-Scientologist ex-GF that did it? That wouldn’t make any sense, but then we’d get to see the terrifying white-haired space-woman again!

    MT – So when your children say “why does Santa have reindeer?” you can say “it’s because they work hard and don’t freeze to death.” Just watch the wonder light up in their little eyes after that!

    MW – In the next storyline, Mary goes around accusing everyone she meets of being a kidnapper. You know, just in case.

    Phantom – Aw man, this is great. Thank you, Eduardo.

    PV – Oh my God, are we going to do golem kaiju!? I love this strip.

    RMMD – “Hang on a minute, I need to beat you unprovoked some more!”

    SM – “So, Aunt May, you needn’t worry about MJ and me being short of money. Why, I’m sure we’ll even get around to moving you out of this poorly-lit apartment complex with cracked plaster, one of these decades!”

  34. Baka Gaijin
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#14) on Pluggers: Bearhinos and the chickenpuppies and the lizardcats are Soylent Plug.

  35. Darryl Heine
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    PEANUTS 1964 – “Happiness is a Christmas vacation with no book reports to write.”

  36. Tom T.
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    I have to say, Beetle Bailey is much more interesting since Frank Miller took over the writing.

  37. R in CT
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    I was going to ask why there is a duck sitting menacingly on the fence outside the door of Shady Shrew’s hovel, but then I realized, why wouldn’t there be?

  38. zerowolf
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: Yet still not as disturbing as this

  39. Galadriel
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Re: Plugger biology, the reason why we don’t see bearhinos and the chickenpuppies is because one parent passes along dominant traits, thus in the union of dog and hen, the kids will either be dogs (blame the patriarchy) or chickens (less likely because the male seems to determine offspring).

    Seriously, didn’t anyone read my Masters thesis? :(

  40. NoahSnark
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Plugger miss the days when toys actively maimed children.

  41. Galadriel
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @Tom T. (#36): COTW nominee.

  42. Cal
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “I assume you’re divorced — and that’s even worse than bigamy! Are there any children I should know about, who… for some reason… didn’t show up on the public records search (or even a Google search) of your name?”

    MW: “You have to distract them! Even if I have to shake you to death to do it!”

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

  44. seismic-2
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    SFx: I am less concerned about the accused perpetrator of this crime than about its alleged victim. Why would a penguin, of all creatures, wear a purple tuxedo jacket? That is at the very least redundant, but a better case could be made that it is an example of gilding the lily. However, given that Mr. Penguin is apparently also wearing a toupee’ (birds don’t have comb-overs, do they?), more likely it is a way of disguising himself as a penguin when he is in fact Shady’s long-lost brother, “Sunny” Shrew. He has egged his own car in order to frame his brother for the crime, because as the smiling photo on the wall attests, “Mom always did like you better!”

  45. Effluvius Erratus
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#Y53): Accord away! Perhaps some other ‘Mudgeon will provide a video montage-collage of soapy ladies touching their faces. (Also, I play a little bass.)

  46. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    AD – Yikes! It’s an Anteater King! I thought only rats did that.

    Mary – I know how this one goes! Mary persuades the reluctant waitress, step by step, to fall in with her plan, because she’s so overwrought and convinced. First the waitress will stall while Mary tries without success to get the police to come over. Then the girl and thug will start to leave, and Mary will urgently demand that Bree (whose name tag says “Waitress”) keep them from going. Then she’ll browbeat her into following them to their car, and somehow her machinations will result in a crash that kills both supposed fugitives and Bree. Five minutes later, Mary will see another blonde kid and grab another helpless citizen. “It’s HER! I KNOW it’s her! You’ve GOT to help me!!”

    Nancy – Sluggo’s demonstration would have been more effective if he had gestured at a creche where the Three Kings had not already had their six cheeks booted back to Mesopotamia for trying to cheap it out by bringing Baby Jesus hugs.

  47. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Phantom – Now begins the period of looking at beautiful Sunday strips and wondering when the Barreto is going to run out. I’m sorry his career was cut short.

    Pluggers have convinced themselves that there really was a Red Ryder range model carbine-action BB rifle with a compass on the stock and this thing which tells time. And they are convinced that they actually owned one. And a leg lamp. Also, they are pretty sure they never watch movies made after 1980, because they’re all crap.

    Josh – Shady Shrew is accused by Slylock (and therefore guilty) of flinging eggs from his rooftop. Presumably there’s a hole he uses for that purpose. Personally, in this case I think the egg man was Paul.

  48. This Guy
    December 18th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers disdain these violent vidya games of today and long for the time of actual weapons. As an aside, wouldn’t Kinectimals essentially be a Sims game to pluggers?

  49. Red Greenback
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    “You’ll carpal your wrist out, kid.”

  50. stopdropreload
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: I’m just amazed that everything the little Plugger girl asks for exists and is, in fact, considering to be on the cutting edge (or at least very close to it) of gaming/personal electronic technology. Those X-box specs make me weep in joy.

    I mean, can you imagine the off-brand gobbledegook that most comic strips (Sally Forth excepted) would have come up with in order to A) scramble brand names so they they won’t get sued and B) mask the fact that the strip writer really doesn’t know what he’s talking about? Either Head Plugger is closet gamer with a pimped out gaming rig and a World of Warcraft handle…or he got one of this grandkids to tell him what’s what.

    Either way, I salute you good sir. Zits? Luann? Judge Parker? The ball’s in your court.

  51. cartooncritic2544
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1): Maybe I’m the only one, but I really don’t give [expletive deleted] about how many days you think its been since “Barney Google” appeared.

  52. Ian Beste
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#51): It’s a joke son, it’s a joke! (Aside to audience) Boy’s thickern’ pancake batter in a snowstorm.

  53. Baka Gaijin
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#51): I don’t understand the hostility shown to Nehemiah Scudder. I do understand the lack of “give a shit” about Barney Google.

  54. cartooncritic2544
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Luann. Yeah, Bernice, you tell her: How ‘unchristmasy’ of Luann to actually put some THOUGHT into what to buy her family. Or maybe you’re just jealous because she still hasn’t gotten you that kd lang box set you’ve been hinting about.

  55. cartooncritic2544
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#53): Ah, I’m probably being crankier than I should be but I am really tired of that so-called gag clogging up the talkback.

  56. kkarenb
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Not to defend Paul, but I find it incredible that Luann never brought up the fact that she had been married. Not only married, but with a husband who was missing in action for seven years! This isn’t like not telling him about her childhood pets, for heaven’s sake, this is a huge part of her history that he had a right to know about. Of course, his overly controlling reaction was over the top, too. I hope that she is finally getting a clue that maybe she should dump him.

    Rex Morgan – Kelly was at death’s door a few days ago, but was cured immediately with the administration of SMELLING SALTS? And no one thought to call an ambulance? Who writes this crap?

  57. bunivasal
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    You know what would be truly excellent? In light of the movie industry’s complete lack of creativity and interest in filming even the most abstract franchises, I think I’d like to see Slylock Fox as a Lionel Ritchie movie.

  58. Red Greenback
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    I’d watch that movie once, twice, no, THREE TIMES!

  59. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#y23): I’ve been in computer-virus hell / the final-grading abyss this weekend, but I just surfaced today to see your link. Pup + puns + literature = WIN.

    And belated congrats to the float-folk! Throw anti-virus software, please!

  60. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    And because I really am an immature pun-geek, “Dumas” made me laugh out loud.

  61. Peanut Gallery
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#49): It would be worth doing a half-assed SNL parody sketch of the movie, just to use that line.

    @stopdropreload (#50): “Little Plugger Girl” is the incredibly irritating Christmas song they’re playing over and over at the Plugger department store.

  62. Peanut Gallery
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#51): I’m not tired of it yet. Check with me again when he hits day 10,000.

  63. Lily Sincere
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Camp Swampy exists in that parallel universe from “Star Trek,” the one where everyone’s really mean, Spock has a goatee and Sulu is really handsy with Uhura. Sarge wasn’t overreacting to garbage; he was eliminating a potential threat or was paid by one of the other sergeant’s underlings who wanted to move up in rank. Sarge is just waiting for someone to invent agonizers and agony booths, because they will combine his two favorite things: laziness and sadism.

  64. Pseudo3D
    December 18th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    FW – Funky is turning into Crank bit by bit, isn’t he?

    DT – Not him again! Even though his first appearance spooked Aviatrix (who added extra As thereafter), I still like Artist Formerly Known As Ben’s comment about Pouch from July.

    6C- “Purry Christmas”?

    Retail – I don’t want to see a close-up of Val and her teeth ever again, thanks.

    MW – OK. Mary’s gonna be right, as much as we hate to admit it. She is kidnapped. But they might just throw us a bone and make the “kidnapper” the stepfather with a tragic backstory. Meddling will ensue, but it will be at least more marginally interesting.

    RMMD – For a guy that’s just been continuously pummeled in the face, Spider looks pretty good.

  65. Steve the Pocket
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Credit where credit is due: All those things the Plugger kid is asking for are actual, still-on-the-market items. No “Funstations” or “Banana Juniors” or even “Game Boy 8000s” for this kid, no sir. But MapDark up there is probably right that it was copied off an ad; no kid is going to be interested in an e-book reader of any kind, Kinectimals is clearly targeted at parents who have no idea what kind of games kids want (hint: it’s the kind they’re at least five years too young to be playing), and there’s a severe lack of MP3 player or cell phone on the list.

  66. cartooncritic2544
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#64): That would take too much time and Mary Worth needs to get that kid rescued in time for next Sunday’s Christmas strip.

  67. jamoche
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “So, are there any children that you’ve abandoned to live in sin with two other women in the big evil city?”

    I mean, he does know she lives with roommates, right? Short of the severely fundamentalist sorts who think a woman should go from her father to her husband to, if necessary, her son, but never ever be on her own, I have no idea where Paul is coming from.

    MW: meanwhile the blonde and the guy in the red hat are debating whether to call 911 on the deranged customer who’s dragged their waitress off and won’t let her go.

  68. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#57): “Hello? Is it a shrew you’re looking for.. . . “

  69. Apeman
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 34-AA: Well, after going back and reading each strip since Dec. 1 (though as it turns out, I only needed to read the weekend strips because they compress the entire week into six panels or so), it appears that LuAnn will be much better off if she doesn’t marry into the Aryan cult of domineering super-snoops. If she really wants her entire life dictated to her by people with ultra-dominant tendencies, all she had to do was stay at home with Margo.

  70. Nekrotzar
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    I’m going to start using “lob eggs at penguins” as a euphemism for sex.

  71. Old School Allie Cat
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    9CL -I’m pretty open with my Mom, but I don’t think I’d ever want to hear about her knocking boots with Dad. Nor would she want to hear about some of the freaky antics I get myself into. I’ve already said too much.

    FW – As I’ve been know to sing “Deck the Halls with lotsa Matzoh…” I am hardly in a position to mock Funky, but I think I’ll mock him anyway.

    Luann – Bernice, you’re a bitch. And a killjoy. Go lust after your brother.

  72. Mark B
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#55): I have a strategy when I see something that bores me on the Internets. I scroll on by. There’s a little wheel on the mouse that works well for that purpose. Might be a good song there.

  73. Comcis Fan
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    FW: Funky must be the secret Keane child – either conceived on the honeymoon and given up for adoption a couple years before Billy was born, or a “menopause baby” younger than PJ, depending how time-jumpy you want to get. His medley is awfully close to one big Dollyism. I’d like to see the crossover strip where the grownup Keane kids discover their long-lost brother, and they spend a Christmas together in footie pajamas, trying not to slide into drunken despair.

  74. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#33): When I was a kid, there used to be an ad saying, “Why wait for spring? Do it now.”

    That’s it. I just remembered it and thought I’d plop it down here. No real relevance.

    But man, that ad was ubiquitous at one point.

  75. Joe Blevins
    December 18th, 2011 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

  76. This Guy
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: Elly knows that the true spirit of Christmas is pettiness and passive aggression, and she will school her children well in this truth.

    FT: If Jason really wanted to be more considerate of his parents’ finances, he’d use XOR.

    Frazz: I wonder if this strip is published anywhere in the UK.

    FW: Funky is Crankshaft and Crankshaft is Funky. The convergence is complete.

    SF: But… Santa is funded by the government, and his sleigh travels at Mach 100!

  77. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#74): Uh…and my comment was in connection to commodorejohn’s comment about doing the construction job in spring. Because that’s what the ad was about. It was an ad by the construction union or something. It said, “Why wait for spring? Do it now.” So it popped to mind. Because of what commodorejohn said.

    That’s why, see?

    It was an ad. About construction.

    And not waiting until spring.

    Say…does anyone know how long Barney Google’s been missing?

  78. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#77): Say…does anyone know how long Barney Google’s been missing?
    I’m more worried by this graphic of Santa Claus that shows up in my online TV Guide that looks like he’s about to tip his head back and start singing “AW! AW! AWW! GREAT BALLS o’ FIRE, I’m boDAcious!!” Next to that, I can remain serene in the face of Mr. Google’s continued nonappearances.

  79. Droopy Says
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#22): FW-Can we hang Les by the chimney?

    Just do it with care: use a good rope, make sure he’s dead, then exorcise his remains.

  80. Brent
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Paul is a moron (and dare I say it, a douche – though one that no woman should ever use), who never actually gave LuAnn the chance to mention – or even remember – that she had previously been married before he was planning their marriage, home, children and eventual shared cemetery plots (presumably in the “family” crypt). Plus, his father is a lousy private detective who found out that she was married before but didn’t bother to find out the circumstances of how she got single again. Not only should LuAnn dump him – and probably kick him in his alleged junk – but he should further be punished with a “date” with Margot (who fits his criteria of never having been married). In the aftermath he’ll look the same but he’ll never be interested in women again. Or men for that matter.

  81. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#78): I’m trying to imagine what someone who was about to “tip his head back and start singing ‘AW! AW! AWW! GREAT BALLS o’ FIRE, I’m boDAcious!!’” would look like.

    Steven Colbert doing Jerry Lee Lewis?

  82. Rixter
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: When Mary’s got her meddle on, it’s best to ride the wave or just get out of the way.

    FW: Do they celebrate Christmas in Westview? I thought the only holiday they celebrated was the annual homage to Lisa. And by annual I mean one 365-day continuous observance.

    MT: And reindeer have never been known to be villainous.

  83. Droopy Says
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    B>Beetle Bailey: I thought this strip was set in the Korean War era army. Now it turns out we’re in a pre-WW II army, like in From Here To Eternity, with company sergeants at one another’s throats. I hope Walker LLC doesn’t carry that one any further . . . because the only candidates they have for the Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr roles are Sergeant Snorkle and Mrs. Halftrack . . . needz me sum brane bleech . . .

  84. seismic-2
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: With these Fractured Christmas Carols is Funky just making fun (quite lamely, of course, but at least deliberately), or is he really a total idiot like Crankshaft who thinks those are the right lyrics? I’ll bet he thinks he’s now creating the new “Deck Us All with Boston Charlie”, since Batiuk consider himself the new… No, I can’t even get my keyboard to type such blasphemy.

  85. Irrischano
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    “Pluggers miss the good-old days” is the winner of the 2011 Explain Your Comic Strip’s Mission Statement In Five Words Or Less Contest, narrowly defeating runners-up “Marvin shits his pants” and “Mary Worth meddles”.

  86. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

  87. Black Drazon
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    I too am baffled by the Pluggers suggestion letter. I suppose it’s possible that the Pluggers team simply wrote some actual good gift suggestions for little kids, but in doing so they’ve contrasted an actual weapon with some of the most inoffensive games ever produced by the industry since one pixel first touched another and removed it from the screen. I’m always glad to see creative works act like they’re written by people and not stereotypes, but I didn’t expect it from Pluggers.

  88. Joshua
    December 18th, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Brent (#80): At the time Paul’s father did his research on LuAnn, she was still legally married as far as she knew. The letter from the “Army Air Force” declaring her husband dead hadn’t arrived yet.

  89. SideshowJon
    December 18th, 2011 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#25):

    Is there a official Curmudgeon Community take on the Conspiracy Theory that Frazz is written by Watterson?

  90. Sam L
    December 18th, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    I don’t understand – is there any punchline in Beetle Bailey today?

  91. tb4000
    December 18th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sam L (#90): Yes, Sarge can rountinely beat fellow officers near to death and never get reprimanded for it. Now that’s comedy!

  92. Calico
    December 18th, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#91):
    A constant punch-line. I prefer seeing more wasted / emasculated General Halftrack, though.
    Beetle must be hiding in a garbage can, as he usually gets punched first and foremost, instead of fringe characters we know nothing about!

  93. Lily Sincere
    December 18th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sam L (#90):
    Well, there are lines and someone gets punched, if that helps. Some days, that’s the best we can hope for from Beetle Bailey.

  94. Mark B
    December 18th, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @SideshowJon (#89): It doesn’t read like Watterson to me. Too preachy. There’s some similarity in the drawing style, but that’s where it ends for me.

  95. BigTed
    December 18th, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    That plugger kid’s gift requests are so specific that they just have to be a form of product placement. I imagine some Microsoft and Amazon execs held a meeting and said, “We’ve got the people market in the bag, but we’ll be darned if we’re going to let Apple and Barnes & Noble beat us with zoo animals!”

  96. Poteet
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    SF — My house is a disorganized mess, but now I see it could be worse. Thank you, Shady Shrew.

  97. Poteet
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B (#94): I agree. And I’ve seen little real interest the outdoors and nature in FRAZZ, and that was one of the best things about CALVIN AND HOBBES. I realize that many people lose interest in bugs and puddles as they get older, but I can’t believe that Calvin would have been one of them.

  98. Poteet
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#97): Sorry, that shoulda been “interest in the outdoors.” Preview is our etc.

  99. Poteet
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    MW — Not to carp (okay, I was lying, carping ahead). When a child disappears and there is no clue at all as to her/his whereabouts, frequently if not usually there are stories in the newspaper and on the radio and on TV and LOTS of fliers in LOTS of places and people actively searching and a general big brouhaha. So this makes MaryLand look like even more of a hellhole, that missing children are regarded so casually.

  100. CanuckDownSouth
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#88): A couple of mudges pointed out that being declared legally dead is decoupled from getting an official “KIA” determination rather than MIA. And that background check was still incompetent, because MIA is a Freaking Big Deal that should be easy to find.

  101. Rixter
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @SideshowJon (#89): “Is there an official Curmudgeon Community take on the Conspiracy Theory
    There is only the unofficial Curmudgeon Community take on the Conspiracy Theory of the whereabouts of Barney Google. And that Sgt. McScudder is very popular in the Community.

  102. Rixter
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#99): Yes, but in MaryLand, it is Mary who sucks all of the psychic energy of anxiety, concern, and brouhaha into herself and expels it as pure meddle-energy, thereby allowing the Community to proceed through life casually. Often accompanied by a casserole exchange.

  103. ElkMeadow
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Brent (#80):

    In the aftermath he’ll look the same but he’ll never be interested in women again. Or men for that matter.


  104. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Tina’s Groove: I do believe this is the first time I’ve seen the term “fish eyeball” in a cartoon strip.

  105. tallyHO
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    In Blondie, Dagwood is going through an existential crisis in part because of a generation gap between him and an iPad carrying neighbor kid who is showing how his greed is all planned out for what Santa will give him.

    The strip ends with Dagwood in a near catatonic state (sans gin and tonic) and Blondie asking why his asking so many questions. All Dagwood can do is ask, “Questions?”

    Which leads me to mine: Why didn’t Dagwood just pay the kid to shovel his walk, go inside, pour himself a stiff drink and realize that the two cozy chairs he and his beloved sit in in their living room, in front of the TV are askew? Why doesn’t he make it so he and his wife can look each other in the eyes as they relax?

    Thanks for cheering us all up Dagwood for the holidays. Thanks a lot.

  106. Écureuil Écumant
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#33): “Crankshaft – Hey, here’s a thought, maybe next time you want to start your building project in the spring so it doesn’t run into the fucking winter. Just a thought.”

    Spring of 2010 they announced they’d be replacing all the windows in our apartment complex. They started in September. Mine were replaced in — February. They took out the entire front living room wall and bedroom wall because the new windows weren’t floor to ceiling. They also removed the old ones by first smashing them with a 2×4. You can only imagine.

  107. Baka Gaijin
    December 18th, 2011 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sam L (#90): Is there ever a punch line in Beetle Bailey other than:
    1) Golf is fun!
    2) Army food is bad!
    3) Sarge beats up Beetle!
    4) That darn Beetle, he sure sleeps a lot!

    …all of which have worn our their “punch” a decade or two ago.

  108. Droopy Says
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, Mental Deficient: They should have told the girl exactly how they located her: “The party went viral and everyone on teh interwebs is laughing at you. Oh, and nobody cared enough to call 911.” That way everything would be wrong here, creating a perfect moral vacuum.

  109. Alison
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Tom T. (#36):

    Ugh to every freaking strip doing the exact same “joke” this time of year, as they do every December, which is “kids want technological things for Christmas gifts, doesn’t that suck?” Yes, comic strip writers, today’s kids don’t play with the same things kids used to play with in 1950. Big whoop. Get over it already.

  110. Lily Sincere
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#109):
    I agree. Pluggers in the 1940s would have had a kid asking for the Daisy Red Ryder BB Gun with Plugger Santa grumping for the “good-old days” when kids asked for tops and blocks. And I’m pretty sure that the Plugger credo is “I’m never getting over anything, ever, and you can’t make me!”

  111. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#107): Don’t forget…

    5) That Miss Buxley sure is a cock tease.

  112. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B (#94): Yes—Frazz has a certain sanctimoniousness about it, especially when it comes to working out (versus, god forbid, not, or worse, eating fast food), which I don’t recall C&H ever having. And some of the adults in Frazz are considered worthy of all kinds of nasty, obnoxious abuse mainly because they’re not like, you know, Frazz—plus, the kids’ little annoying traits are often more mean-spirited than endearing.

    Hm. Can you tell that as much as I want to like this strip for its clever moments, I have a hard time doing so?

  113. Liam
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-Long for the day when they could actually shoot their friends instead of a computer simulation of their friends.

    Slylock Fox-Slylock is really grasping at straws here in his attempt to pin the crime to Shady Shrew. The only liquid that would evaporate after three weeks would be water. Everything else would just leave some sort of foul smelling mess. Judging by the state of Shady’s home it wouldn’t surprise me that he did just come back after three weeks.

  114. Mr. O'Malley
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    Today’s mechanical engineering final exam question is from Slylock Fox:

    Specify two different designs for a banjo with two bridges and no tailpiece. Standard loop-end banjo strings should be used. Your design should include a plausible playing technique. There should be six differences between your designs.

  115. Liam
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1):

    You should make missing posters. Maybe some lonely old woman will become obsessed over one and find Barney Google that way.

  116. Liam
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-I am more interested in the broken window in Shady’s house. I believe that Slylock threw Max the window and had Max rough up Shady’s home.

  117. seismic-2
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#107), @Sequitur (#111): There’s also the Halftrack sub-plot:
    6) “You drink too much,” and “God, I hate you, woman.”

  118. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Barney Google is not coming back. He has morphed, Gollum style, into a monster.

    The name remains on the strip as a memorial to the good times.

    “Spark Plug, my precious!”

  119. Mark B
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#112): Right, I didn’t mean to make it seem like I didn’t like Frazz. I think it’s a good comic, especially compared to most of the daily strips currently in my daily newspaper. I just don’t think it does well in a comparison to C&H. Very few comics do.

  120. Pseudo3D
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#107) and @Sequitur (#111): 6) Boy, look at how miserable General Halftrack’s marriage is!

  121. Pseudo3D
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#120): DANG IT! Should have read a bit more carefully, as someone beat me to it.

  122. Some Guy
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Tune in next week, when LuAnn gets as far as explaining she’s not divorced, and Paul jumps to yet another conclusion.
    “That’s bigamy!”
    “No, letting me finish would be big a’ you!”

    Crank: Snow is falling, and the people who find Crankshaft annoying (ie everyone) are sending him on a “trip”. It’s nice to see old Inuit traditions being maintained in modern America.

    (Yes, I know that’s probably not true, but it was such a perfect gag.)

    MT: Mark states that both sexes of reindeer have antlers, but doesn’t mention that the males grow them in summer, and shed them in winter, while for the females it’s the other way round. Because revealing that Rudolph is a girl would just freak everyone out.

    S4th: Come to think of it, it is surprising how many heartwarming Christmas specials involve Santa deciding he can’t be bothered this year.

  123. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#122):

    S4th: Come to think of it, it is surprising how many heartwarming Christmas specials involve Santa deciding he can’t be bothered this year.

    They missed one.

  124. $$$Westville Oncologist$$$$$
    December 18th, 2011 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    SF- Want to have some real fun? Try saying “Shady Shrew” real fast 20 times.

  125. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 18th, 2011 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#122): On “Little Dog Lost” today we discover that Rudolph’s actual sex may be open to question.

  126. Ian Beste
    December 18th, 2011 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @$$$Westville Oncologist$$$$$ (#124): Shadyshrewshadyshushashushahsushahsu…damn you, sir, damn you!

  127. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @$$$Westville Oncologist$$$$$ (#124): Shady Shrew X 20.

    I always knew math would come in handy.

  128. MWDG
    December 18th, 2011 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    MW: I guess it is 4:20 in Santa Royale… Mary is as high as a kite… we all know how easy it is to get medical marijuana in SoCal… perhaps Mary used an amature pharmacist and her “doobie” was laced with PCP!

  129. wossname
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#74):

    When I was a kid, there used to be an ad saying, “Why wait for spring? Do it now.”

    OMG, this long-buried memory just came WHANGING back when you wrote that! “Why wait for spring, do it now/While there are men who know how/ If you something something something/ something something get to it / Buddy (Darling? Mister? some two-syllable word) why wait for spring, do it now!”

    And yes, this probably dates to my childhood years in Canada, where you are now, so it all fits together. Care to compare old DuMaurier jingles?

  130. wossname
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#129):
    Get DuMaurier, for real smoking pleasure
    DuMaurier, the cigarette of good taste.
    A mild cigarette, with the best filter yet
    That’s why the trend today is to DuMaurier.

    That memory, for whatever reason, didn’t have to come whanging back, because it was always there.

  131. Mumblix Grumph
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Shylock Fox:

    It’s kinda nice to see after all those years lusting after the anthropomorphic female cats, Max Mouse finally get a piece of tail.

  132. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    I’m having a hard time remembering whether I see pluggers actually complain about anything. They mostly view new things with a sort of helpless wariness. I suppose if you surrounded a plugger with too much novelty, they would perish of a broken heart, still with that look of mild confusion on their furry old faces.


    Sarah and I were at the mall today. There was a Santa in a chair, with a makeshift Santytown in the little plaza they’d taken over. The reindeer all looked alike. I didn’t notice any Rudolph, but I didn’t look at everything. They had little paddocks with some of their names on them, and all I could think of was that I’d like to see Comet wearing a T-shirt with an arrow on it and the words “I’M WITH CUPID.”

  133. bats :[
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#104): well, it’s high time!

  134. Sgt. Stoned
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    MT: But, Mark, you never told us….how do they FLY???

    MW: Gee, it’s too bad that something like cell phones haven’t been invented. Then Mary could call the police right then and there instead of having to look for a pay phone and then finding out that she doesn’t have the correct change while Bree “stalls” the innocent father who Mary has hallucinated into criminality.

    DT: “We like our fun and we never fight…you can’t dance and stay uptight, it’s super-natcher-oll deelight…” Hey, I have a nervous tic too!

  135. Packherd
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    I could be mistaken, but I don’t think military bases generally have watchtowers looming over their own soliders. Perhaps Beetle Bailey is actually a long-running drama about POWs. It would explain why Beetle and his colleagues haven’t been involved in any one of the dozen or so armed conflicts the U.S. has participated in since the strip’s founding. It would also explain why they are all irredeemably insane.

  136. This Guy
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#130): Daphne du Maurier had her own brand of cigarettes?

  137. Packherd
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @Lily Sincere (#63):

    “Laziness and Sadism”

    Worst. Black Sabbath album. EVER.

  138. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#134): “magic dust”

  139. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#134): But, Mark, you never told us….how do they FLY???
    Reindeer are fed a diet of seltzer, hardboiled eggs, beans, and sprouts. Gas simultaneously reduces their weight while giving them propulsion. More recently, Santa has taken to covering his bets with Red Bull.

  140. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#y101): Understandable since Eve Arden will always be “Our Miss Brooks” to me. And while Eve may have lacked a certain hotness, she more than made up for it in personality.

    (Frank, I know we can’t be that far apart in age, but I’ve never heard of Christina Hendricks!)

  141. Liam
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#134):

    They’re not flying this year because Mark burned their stash.

  142. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 18th, 2011 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#129): Is that how the rest of it went?! All I could ever remember was “Why wait for spring? Do it now.” It became a saying at my house. Whenever someone was dithering over whether to do something right away or wait, someone was bound to say, “Why wait for spring? Do it now.”

    I seem to remember seeing it on the ads in the Windsor buses, too. Along with, “If it were green, nobody would spit,” and “To pick up tiny shards of broken glass, use a dampened tissue.” (Windsor buses, at least in my memory, never really had ads for actual companies — just public service notices.)

    Du Maurier ads I’m not so up on — but I sure remember others.

    “You can take Salem out of the country, but…you can’t take the county out of Salem.” (There was a dirty joke that did the rounds of my public school about a man named Salem who, while enjoying carnal relations with a tree that had a very specialized knothole in it, got a splinter and couldn’t remove it.)

    “Winston tastes good like a (knock knock) cigarette should.” (I also remember print ads which acknowledged the complaints of grammarians by having a man crossing out the “like” and replacing it with “as.”)

    And then there were the coffee ads. My favourite jingle was for a coffee that actually ended up being my favourite coffee when I grew up:

    Chock full o’Nuts is the heavenly coffee,
    Heavenly coffee,
    Heavenly coffee.
    Chock full o’Nuts is the heavenly coffee.
    Better coffee a millionaire’s
    Money can’t by.

    Sad to say, I haven’t been able to buy Chock full o’ Nuts for over 30 years.

    Ah, memories.

    And whatever happened to kids wanting Red Ryder BB guns?

  143. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#133): Yeah. I’ve lived quite the cloistered life.

    Like right now. I’m sitting here running a sound board in the audio booth of a Christmas show and checking out the CC. Oops. I hope they don’t mind the microphone I accidently turned up causing a mid frequency feed back loop. Uh oh. Angel #2 just fell off the stage. Time to practice my sheepish grin.

  144. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

  145. Chyron HR
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    BB – Sgt. Snorkel felt a big wind last night. Heh heh heh heh.

  146. bats :[
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

  147. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#140): I remember Eve Arden well, and you’re right. She’ll always be “Our Miss Brooks.” For some reason, though, when I was young I tended to cross her with Ann Sothern (who was the voice of the car in the disastrous “My Mother the Car”).

    Christina Hendricks is far more modern. Presently known for her role in Mad Men, to Firefly fans, she will always be remembered as the remarkably sexy and vulnerable “Saffron” who “married” Captain Reynolds and turned out to be one of the most conniving and icy-hearted bitches to walk on two gorgeous legs. She returned for another episode. Or course, her name wasn’t really Saffron. it was Bridget. Or possibly Yolanda. We never found out which, if any, of her aliases was real. Her first episode was called “Our Mrs. Reynolds.” (Joss Whedon comes from a long line of TV screen writers, and tends to drop in references to old shows here and there.)

  148. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#146): Hey! Another first! I’ve never seen a sheep give a Nazi salute before!

    Heil Schaf!

  149. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    BB: I wouldn’t have expected the Walker-Browne compound to run a strip with Sarge straight-up beating a guy to death this close to Christmas. Their last chance for the year, I guess.

    SFx: Slylock doesn’t need a gun, and he doesn’t really need a badge. What he does need is a high threshold for squalor and misery. And preferably a compromised sense of smell.

    RMMD: Meanwhile, the epic battle of the bad haircuts continues.

    DT: Thanks a lot, Staton and Curtis! I really needed a visit from Mr. Corpse-Vagina at dinnertime.

    9CL: Even Brooke’s characters are starting to ignore his “Tales of Ribaldry” dialogue.

    MW: “Hello, police? There’s an old lady shaking down one of the waitresses here. I think she may collect for a bookie.”

  150. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#144): Thanks for the thought, but it’s no good. First, all I see is a place to enter my zip code (which I don’t have, living in Canada), and second, I don’t see any mention of Chock full o’Nuts — even though the name is in the URL. Nor do I get anything when I search the site for Choc full o’Nuts.

    I looked online about a year ago to see where I could buy a can, but the only places are in the States, and to order I’d have to get a case. I don’t even know if I’d still like the stuff, so I’m only wanting to get one can and try it again.

    I’ve got a percolator on standby, though. (For the old-fashioned coffee, percolators were the only way to go.)

  151. Poteet
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#102): Brrrrr. Better there than here.

  152. Pseudo3D
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#142): I seem to remember you were asking about the coffee months ago.

  153. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 18th, 2011 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    Luann— Bernice, you’re way out of line here. While you may be the strip’s ravenously incestuous bisexual harridan, the role of sanctimonious twit is Delta’s. If Delta finds out you’re intruding into her territory, she will give you a sanctimoniously severe whipping.

    Hmm… Anyone know Delta’s twitter address?

  154. SideshowJon
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B (#94): Watterson could be preachy as well, generally on the environmental things and the crazy idea people who ride their bikes in the road are NOT scum.

  155. commodorejohn
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @SideshowJon (#154): As far as I ever saw, Watterson’s strips about biking were quite tongue-in-cheek – not that they didn’t represent his own opinions, but they were good-natured about it, and the fun is had as much at the expense of Calvin’s dad (who just doesn’t know when to quit) as at the people making trouble for him.

    Can’t speak for Frazz, as I don’t really follow it, but it did look more than a little sanctimonious when I first looked into it.

  156. Mark B
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @SideshowJon (#154): That ain’t preachy, that’s just common sense, speaking as someone who is an occasional bike commuter. I guess it depends on whose ox is being gored.

  157. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#150): Oh, you need Chock full o’ Canadian nuts.

    According to the Chock full o’ nuts web site (scroll down) these guys ship to Canada.

  158. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#152): Huh. You’re right. Well, not surprising. Commodorejohn brought up old advertisements, and that brought up Choc. Next I’ll be wanting a Canadian Milky Way bar.

    Oh wait. I already do.

    Noticed Milky Way appearing in some stores recently, but they’e the American version, which is pretty much like a Mars bar. Not the same thing at all.

    Damn. Now I want a cup of Choc Full o’Nuts and a Milky Way.

    ‘Scuse me — I’ve got to chase those damned kids off my lawn.

  159. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#157): Hey! They sell individual cans! (Whoa! The price has gone up a bit, hasn’t it?)

    When Christmas is over, I might just order a c an. Thanks, Sequitur.

  160. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#159): They do seem a bit pricey don’t they,

    Excuse me. I think I’ll go over to my nearest Walmart and pick up a can.

  161. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#158): I’ve been looking around in vain for Mars bars here. The Mars almond bars. I suppose they’ve gone the way of Almond Clusters and Calypso Bars.

  162. Uncle Lumpy
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @SideshowJon (#154):

    … people who ride their bikes in the road are NOT scum.

    Everything is seemingly spinning out of control.

  163. Sequitur
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

  164. seismic-2
    December 18th, 2011 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#161):

    I’ve been looking around in vain for Mars bars here. The Mars almond bars. I suppose they’ve gone the way of Almond Clusters and Calypso Bars.

    Bah. if it ain’t Nut Boy, it ain’t nuttin’.

  165. Tophat
    December 19th, 2011 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    wouldn’t throwing eggs at a penguin be a lot like throwing fetuses at a mother? I have to hand it to Reeky Rat- that’s pretty effed up.

  166. Baka Gaijin
    December 19th, 2011 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#132): That would be SO cool.

  167. bbofun
    December 19th, 2011 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#84): You know, to get the Funk(y0 out of our brains, I think it’s time for a rousing chorus of that Walt Kelley classic! All together now1

    Deck us all with Boston Charlie!
    Walla-Walla, Wash. and Kalamazoo!
    Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,
    Swaller-dollar cauliflower, alley-ga-roo!
    Don’t you know archaic barrel?
    Lullaby, Lilyboy, Louisville Lou!
    Trolley Molly don’t love Harold.
    Boola-boola Pensacoola Hullabaloo!

    Now if only I could remember the famed verses of “Bark Us All, Bow-wows of Folly” I’d be a happy man.

  168. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 19th, 2011 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @Mark B (#94): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#112): I generally like Frazz. Mallett can go a little overboard on the fitness evangelism, but that’s his thing. He does at least have Mrs Olsen, one out-of-shape character who’s still likeable and a good teacher. So it’s definitely not Calvin & Hobbes—if anything is filling those shoes, it’s Cul de Sac—but at least it’s itself.

  169. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 19th, 2011 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#146): What’s the matter, Will? Kate not doin’ it for ya?

  170. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 19th, 2011 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#163): Aha! Well, then, I’ll keep scouring the convenience stores.

    @seismic-2 (#164): What, not R. Crumb’s homicidal maniac, Nuts Boy? Still, Gil Thorp’s just one bad day away from being him, I suppose.

    @Baka Gaijin (#166): I should at least write that down.

  171. Red Greenback
    December 19th, 2011 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Did somebody say Nut Boy?

  172. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 19th, 2011 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#47):

    Phantom – Now begins the period of looking at beautiful Sunday strips and wondering when the Barreto is going to run out. I’m sorry his career was cut short.

    That’s what I thought seeing this too. The work is so beautiful, it’s hard knowing we’re just about at the end.

  173. Just some guy
    December 19th, 2011 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    You fail as a detective, Josh.
    It clearly says that Shady chucked the eggs from his rooftop.

  174. Luban
    December 19th, 2011 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    BB: I knew there was going to be some unspeakable violence as soon as Sarge started talking about the “big wind” that “blew all the trash away.” That’s gotta be a callback to Taxi Driver, right? “Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets”? Looking forward to further installments of “Bickle Bailey.”

  175. Droopy Says
    December 19th, 2011 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: No, the spider-sense isn’t at long last reacting to some ill-defined threat. What Parker feels is the static discharge from MaryJug’s big hair display.

    Creepy Les: Cayla may have developed a knack for finding the dark cloud around every silver lining, but she’s yet to learn that in this family, it’s Les who has the final say on gloom and doom.

    Dennis the Nuisance: “Thus I explain the need for evil,” Dennis says candidly, “For as you see, all is for the best in this, the best of all possible worlds.”

    Mock Trail: So when that poacher bagged the doe’s mate, it was in truth a vigilante attack on a claim-jumping deer. And all he was trying to do was make a buck!

    RM, MD: It isn’t the drugs that make her want to barf, it’s the whole plot.

    Pluggers: Why would Pluggers bother with Halloween decorations, when they’re scarier than than any undead creature?

  176. Comcis Fan
    December 19th, 2011 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    MW: With the looks of panic, yellow auras and wild gesturing, the kidnapper will have no clue that the customer and the waitress are onto him.

  177. Comcis Fan
    December 19th, 2011 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    FW: Has Les been hallucinating a cat with real fleas? Les seems to be treating a sweater full of fleas of a girls’ high school basketball game.

  178. Comcis Fan
    December 19th, 2011 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Blondie: So it took only 80 years for the Bumsteads and the Woodleys to start swinging.

  179. Cal
    December 19th, 2011 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    MW: “OK! OK! I’ll stall them while you call the police! Whatever it takes, just — PLEASE stop shaking me! I’m getting whiplash!”

  180. Doyle
    December 19th, 2011 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    Luann: Ahhhh! Did anyone read Brad’s gift wish list as “metric long ball sex set?” AHHHH!

    9CL: Yawn. The punchline is that the characters are having sex. Not repetitive at all, Brooke.

  181. Droopy Says
    December 19th, 2011 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    Bigporn: I was reminded of “Quantum Leap,” but of course McEclowney never watched that, either. Meanwhile, what is he talking about with not having seen “Dead Like Me” before he drew this?

    Mary Meddle: The waitress will stall a customer? Isn’t that the most unnecessary announcement ever in Mary Worth? Remember how three customers starved to death the last time Mary hit this diner?

  182. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 19th, 2011 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#167): Now if only I could remember the famed verses of “Bark Us All, Bow-wows of Folly” I’d be a happy man.

    Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
    Polly wolly cracker ‘n’ too-da-loo!
    Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
    Antelope Cantaloupe, ‘lope with you!

  183. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 19th, 2011 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#148): @bats :[ (#146): Hey! Another first! I’ve never seen a sheep give a Nazi salute before!

    “Baaaa Heil!”

  184. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 19th, 2011 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#145): Sgt. Snorkel felt a big wind last night. Heh heh heh heh.

    Not surprisingly, Orville Snorkel is a fan of Mott the Hoople:

    When I get there tonight you better be back home
    There’s an ill wind blowing and it’s bringing a storm
    When I get there tonight you better be alone
    There’s an ill wind blowing and it’s bringing a storm
    ‘cos when I get there tonight I’m gonna be insane
    There’s an ill wind blowing and it’s bringing a storm
    Feel my temperature rise like a knife in my brain
    There’s an ill wind blowing and it’s bringing a storm

  185. ElkMeadow
    December 19th, 2011 at 4:03 am [Reply]

    MWShakin’ Waitress Syndrome is a terrible thing to be accused of, Mary. Wait until the police catch up with you!

    Meanwhile, Angry Dude gets even meaner when his order isn’t taken.

  186. John C Fremont
    December 19th, 2011 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    DT – “A perfect hideout?! You three are nuts!” I don’t recognize that one as a Men Without Hats song, but it might be from one of their later releases. Frankly, I lost interest after their one breakaway hit.

    Odd that 3 of the 5 characters today are wearing hats. I should check with Alanis Morissette and see if that constitutes irony.

    “Deck the halls with parts of Molly, fa-la-la-la-la-etc.”

  187. gleeb
    December 19th, 2011 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Sam Driver, Martyr to the Job: “I may have to do actual work!”

  188. greghousesgf
    December 19th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @SideshowJon (#154): I love Calvin and Hobbes but Watterson did come off with the occasional weird comment, such as Calvin’s dad complaining that when you’re an adult, just having fun by yourself is not allowed. huh??

  189. John Barnes
    December 29th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Wow, a 4GB hard drive XBox 360 AND a MySims game?

    Pluggers can have such lousy taste.

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