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Ha ha, it’s funny because he’s in excruciating pain

Beetle Bailey, 12/22/11

Normally, I’m more than willing to tear into Beetle Bailey’s crappy, underimagined art. But for today’s strip — in which Camp Swampy’s poor cook managed to horribly burn himself in some kind of grease fire and yet was still forced to stumble out into the mess hall in agony to present the evening meal to Sarge, as some kind of cruel joke — I’m pretty OK with what we get, which appears to interpret “awful third-degree burns” as “dirt or mud of some kind.”

Apartment 3-G, 12/22/11

Just to be clear, Gary reappeared in Lu Ann’s life in the form of a letter from the Air Force informing her of his death. Creepiest guardian angel ever?

216 responses to “Ha ha, it’s funny because he’s in excruciating pain”

  1. Nate
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Gary watches over Lu Anne by forcing himself between her and her attempts to move on. ‘Oh hey, got a new fiancé? That’s nice. I just thought I’d send you a message from the afterlife and remind you that you have a DEAD HUSBAND!’ All he needs to do is peer through her bedroom window while she gets it on and he’ll earn his way into the Kingdom of Funky Winkerbean.

  2. Liam
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    MT-Let’s see Mark either broke the camera or ruined the film in the camera. Either way that is pretty cruel of him. “Ha, ha, ha. Women they think they can write articles and be the equal of men. That is why I leave Cherry at home. A woman’s place is in the home. Let’s see Kelly write that article with no pictures as proof.”

    A3G-Just remember folks it was the memory of her dead husband that caused the end of LuAnn’s engagement. LuAnn would never have caught on that Paul was a control freak and would still have married him.

  3. ArchieNemesis
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    I can’t believe I was a precious quarter-second of my life reading Marvin when I could have been staring at a blank wall.

  4. ArchieNemesis
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Above, “was” should have been “wasted.” And now I can’t believe I’m wasting more seconds writing about Marvin. Take me away, precious snark!

  5. pugfuggly
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    BB Did you know that in Scotland, ‘doing a jobbie’ is slang for taking a poo? Kind of puts that last panel in a different context…

    A3G There must be a lot of people in NY who need protection today: the streets are just packed with astral spirits.

    MT “Yep, I smashed the camera, then fed the film to your bear. Now I just need to slip Kelly these roofies and your valley will be completely safe.”

    MW Mary, hand gestures don’t work over the phone, and wild gesticulating will probably just alert the kidnapper.

  6. Ed Dravecky
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    I’ve put up with art show happenings, Dalai Lama snubs, improbable musical careers, and more twists than a bag of pretzels from A3G but Lu Ann having a “sudden flash of insight”? You gone too far this time, Shulock. Too far.

  7. Some Guy
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]

  8. Ned Ryerson
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: While Lu Ann has a sudden flash of insight, the blue lady behind her rings a door bell with her nipple.

  9. Little Guy
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#5) MW: Mary is Sicilian?

    MG&G: Giving Pastis a run for his money in the “Bad Puns” department.

    Pibgorn 9CL: Now totally interchangable.

    yFW: So the Precious Snowflakes lost their first game. This season is going to su— hey, how did the Bruins do last game?

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Fred Basset — Fred’s owners are “The King and Queen of Crackers”. (It must be a Brit thing!)

    Today’s Dogg — Gadzooks, it’s the missing seventh verse from “Deck Us All With Boston Charlie”!

    Beetle Bailey — Cookie’s been preparing meals in the camp latrine again. (Whaddya mean again, Rocky?)

  11. Ingeld
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    So Luann today provides creeps with the proper justification for date rape.

  12. Chareth Cutestory
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    A3G: The longer we’re exposed to Lu Ann’s dimwitted reverie, the more I’m becoming convinced that Paul is the one who dodged the bigger bullet.

  13. Oregonian
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    “Creepiest guardian angel ever?”

    Yeah, it would have been SO much less creepy if Gary had just paged her on the white courtesy phone at the airport and told her not to get onboard that relationship.

  14. Some Guy
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    ASM: I’m not clear how buying a bigger appartment helps Spidey’s superhero career, especially since it means he’ll spend even more time in front of the TV, but whatever helps you justify yourself, MJ.

    BC: Shows a slightly better grasp of how Facebook works than Marvin‘s take on the same material, and also understands that “Facebook” is just a word and may be written ALL CAPS if that’s your style. Still not funny, though.

    FW: The closest anyone in Westview can come to feeling joy is sardonic amusement that someone else is failing to experience joy.

    HtH: Between the diet book, the Victorian bonnet, the tea or coffee, and the mechanical scales, I’m almost starting to doubt this strip’s fidelity to its historical setting.

    Phantom: But … but you’re holding them hostage to make their loved ones in Mexico do what you want…

  15. Mibbitmaker
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: He was a jealous sumbitch!

    9CL: High heels and hypocrisy — right, Brooke?

    GA: Slim was hit too hard — he’s got Mark Trail Bad Bolding Disease (MTBBD).

    H&L: 1% of his regular income, of course.

    MT: “…if only I can remember if I did anything…”

    Luann: “On the plus side,” Gunther continued, “I can cynically exploit this!”

    Marvin: Uh…. that’s not coal….

    MW: “Oh…. forget it. He saw me wildly point my accusing finger harshly at him and he left with the girl. Sorry ’bout that, Chief!”

    PBS: Somebody PLEASE kill Rat!

    6C: Because Non Sequitur and Doonesbury were somehow too subtle this week….

    RMMD: So Bubba slaughtered Spider to death with his bare, bloody hands, then everyone had a big, hearty laugh. The end.
    Merry Christmas, everybody!

  16. S. Stout
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    That two panel shot of Luann is just her showing off her Luann / Gollum personalities.

    Luann: Maybe Gary is still watching over his girl!
    Gollum: Watchingses? Nobody likes you!
    Luann: (covers ears) I’m not listening to you!
    Gollum: Where would you be without me! Gollum! Gollum!

  17. Chyron HR
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    FW – “My own clone! Now neither of us will be virgins!”

  18. lorne
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    So A3G‘s Christmas Week strips will consiste entirely of Lu Anne’s head drifting through urban backdrops and farting out thought bubbles?
    It could be worse.

  19. Edwin Herdman
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    In the world of Beetle Bailey, those count as first degree, full thickness burns. Yes, the skeletons of the base crew are actually lumpy butter, and flesh is just a paper covering.

  20. Sciencegiant
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    BB Ymm. Deep fried Cookie. Ymmmm!

  21. Effluvius Erratus
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#5) re: MW: Yeah, I thought so too…

    “Emily Smith from Goleta is here! She’s with an older man… Please send police!”
    “Units are on the way ma’am.”
    “Right over there! In this very restaurant!”
    “Please remain calm ma’am. I’ve dispatched police. They’re on their—”
    “I told the waitress to stall them with free ice cream, and by “them” I am referring to the KIDNAPPER and EMILY SMITH! RIGHT HERE!
    “Try not to alert them to your pres—”
    “I’M POINTING RIGHT AT EMILY SMITH AND HER KIDNAPPER! SEND POLICE RIGHT AW—?”
    BLAM!
    “Ma’am? Ma’am? Are you still there? Ma’am? Dispatching police and paras now…”

  22. Edwin Herdman
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    I think what’s creepier than Gary Powers as guardian angel is the apparent adaptive hermaphroditic camouflage of Lu Ann’s species: “When presented with the thought of a persistent allied male, even a dead ghostly one that only appears in letters which all my friends mock, my face becomes more feminized!”

    It will be quite instructive to see what happens to her face if she meets more fathers who obtain her marriage certificate. Actually, maybe that explains how they were able to obtain documents they legally should not be able to: The city clerk figures at this point, it’s best not to ask who it is.

  23. DebiDawg
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#4): Oh, I’m with ya – I just wasted a full minute scrolling back through the Sally Forth strips from this week to confirm that Sally, Ted and Hil are all wearing the same sweater – Thank God I stopped myself before I went back and checked last years strips!

  24. whozitwhatzit
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Luann: With all his insecurity, rejection by female peers, and self-flagellation because his father’s gone, why am I still surprised that Gunther might be a date rapist?

    Fred Basset: Oh geez, I thought at first that Fred was making some weird, inappropriate meta-comment on white people’s jokes cuz they’re wearing crowns for some reason and there’s nothing really going on and I didn’t get it, but I get it now! This is all Brit stuff, right? You wear crowns, you tell jokes – okay, I see! Yeah! Okay. Yeah… Huh. Guess ol’ Fred is right.

    SF: Aww. YAY

  25. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Tales of the Great Successor — Kim Jong Un’s newest advisor is… THORAX!!! (Now totally interchangeable with Pibgorn and 9CL, Little Guy. Because Thorax is the Creeping Jesus Plant of comic strip characters!)

  26. Ingeld
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Alternate Thought Balloon for Lu Ann. “My, oh, my the Blue Zombie Plague seems to be spreading.”

  27. S. Stout
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Luann: For Gunther, “no” always means “no”. If there is a “yes”, it is quickly followed by a “wait, I mean no”.

  28. brendancalling
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    9CL: I’m getting the impression that McEldowney’s strips are inspired by him apping off to the Victoria’s Secret catalog.

  29. Esther Blodgett
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#25): “The Creeping Jesus Plant of comic strip characters.” I love a well-turned phrase first thing in the morning.

  30. Esther Blodgett
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    RMMD: OK, show of hands. How many people thought the blond hulk behind Ginger actually was Bubba’s girlfriend?

    PBS: On behalf of 43-year-olds everywhere, eff you, Rat. On the other hand, “Throw a Hail Mary, Steph!”…*falls down laughing*

    Pluggers: Drink themselves into unconsciousness every single night.

    MW: I’ve been there. Ten or 12 cups of coffee, and suddenly everyone looks like a kidnapped girl.

  31. Dennis Jimenez
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    BB – I mean, it’s hillarious like Pigpen in Peanuts – cuz he’s dirty and poor – and he’s eight years old – I mean, what could be more side-splitting than that….

    A3G – A flash of insight – Ziggy Stardust and David Bowie – they’re the same guy!!!

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  32. Tom T.
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Do mess halls typically cook to order and feature table service? And does Beetle just rotate through every job at Camp Swampy?

  33. Marc
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Funky- It really speaks to just how bad Batiuk is when characters who are supposed to be 40 and characters who are supposed to be 80 look exactly the same.

    Luann- Hey dipshit, they only wanted to talk about Quill and Tiffany because you weren’t doing your job and started talking about them instead of finishing the story.

    Mary Worth- It’s an emergency but not enough of one where it would prevent her from making sure that everybody knows it was her, Mary Worth, the magi of meddle who found the missing girl.

    Curtis- Barry can be a little bitch most of the time, but Curtis isn’t much better. Seriously Curtis, just shut the fuck up. He’s a little kid, and you want to be an unrepentant dick and ruin Christmas for the rest of his childhood.

  34. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Luann: “In my experience”?! What are you Gunther, about seventeen? All I can say is now that I’m in the twilight of middle age, I wish I knew as much as I thought I knew when I was seventeen.

  35. Nekrotzar
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Sarge, the cook burned a hole in the time-space-comic page continuum and Pig Pen walked through the breach. Oh, and Margo is on her way to kick your ass.

  36. Dood
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Dear Mr. or Ms. Narration Box, you lost me at “Lu Ann has a sudden flash of insight…”

  37. Pyzimber
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    9CL: T&A in the comics! Someone alert Mary Worth on this heinousness!

    Crankshaft: I’m fully convinced now that this addition is, in fact, a TARDIS, and it will be much bigger on the inside. Here’s hoping they paint it blue.

    MW: In a strange twist of fate, Sting and the boys show up at the diner. “Someone called for The Police! Roxaaaaaaaaanne! You don’t have to turn on the red light….”

    RMMD: Bubba looks like an angry version of the guy who played The Greatest American Hero.

  38. Scott Bot
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Bubba, hothing, it’s Wooderson from Dazed and Confused – ‘That’s what I like about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.’

  39. pugfuggly
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#9):

    Mary is Sicilian?

    No, Mary was explaining her actions in sign language as well, just in case the kidnapper might be hearing-impaired.

    @Effluvius Erratus (#21):

    “….a single elderly woman was found dead at the scene, still pointing at the empty booth, carrying a large placard reading ‘I FOUND EMILY SMITH!’…”

  40. Chip Whittle
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: So, Lu Ann thinks the news of Gary’s declared death saved her from marriage to Paul Linski. This is news Paul never got because he was too busy breaking up with her after discovering Gary had, apparently, existed. But her getting this news had nothing to do with Paul’s decision to break up with her; she didn’t even tell anyone but Margo about it before the axe came down. Her engagement broke up the same way it began: with her passively semi-accepting events that didn’t really need her participation. Lu Ann is not even paying attention to her own life, which, for Lu Ann, is correct.

    Bottom Liners: Ha ha! Zip codes, am I right? It’s the hip new comedy of 1964!

    Funky Winkerbean: Why is Funky’s father ten years younger than Funky? And somehow less hateful and bitter?

    And I know I’m not a great beauty myself, but isn’t that nursing home attendant a hastily compiled assembly of parts?

    Hi and Lois: Lois is clearly horrified to see how warm and moist the envelope flap is. But, hey, a used envelope should still be a godsend for little Trixie.

    Mark Trail: Now, how is Mark Trail going to get those photos away from Kelly Welly? I’m guessing he tells her she has to go around everywhere she photographed and expose the film again, only backwards, so as to put back the souls of the geese and bear and wolves!.

    Having a Cunning Plan in mind is not a good look for Mark Trail, is it?

    Spider-Man: Mary Jane raises a good point. If Peter Parker were on his own, how long could he be expected to last? He’d probably rent an apartment where the aged plasted kept falling and hitting him on the head.

  41. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: [Dec. 20] Brooke, you moron. What Emerson said was, “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” He wasn’t giving consent to throw all consistency to the wind. Your lack of concern over important story elements, such as whether or not your antagonist can see the real face of a person, doesn’t make you a genius who stands above the tyranny of “little minds.” It makes you the next writer for Mark Trail.

    [Dec. 22] And while we’re at it, the phrase “movie of the week” is generally used to describe a TV movie that deals with whatever hot-button social issue is presently doing the rounds. Anything involving succubi, 18th century musicians, and car chases is pretty much automatically disqualified from this category.

  42. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Tarzan: Nothing really. I just liked the phrase “my fetish of skulls.”

  43. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    3G – Lu Ann has a sudden flash of insight. As usual, it is dead wrong.

    Baldo“Then standing erect with his hand on his pecho…”
    You know, I expect this kind of smut from La Cucaracha…!

    F- – Christ, what a food hoe!

    love is… – Aw, kids are so cute when they still have their feet. I wonder what the hell happens to them before they grow… well… larger in size. Do the feet drop off? Do they retract into the legs? Is there a ceremony where they remove them? Maybe they bind them?

  44. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Luann – In Gunther’s experience with Luann, several maybes make a no.

    Mark – Funny old Mark smashed Kelly Well’s camera wamera into rubble wubble with a rolling pin. Ho wo.

    Nancy – Sluggo’s still crying because “What Do You Do with a General” was just so damned lame, like Berlin was just phoning it in.

    Non
    Twas three days before Christmas
    And for holiday fun,
    Non Seq gained some rhymes,
    But of meter — the regular pattern of stresses and syllables that give poems their appealing songlike quality — ’twas none.

  45. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Pardon – (Seriously? I haven’t done the snowman song yet? Well, then, here’s my annual tradition again):

    FREDDY THE SNOWMAN

    Freddy the Snowman
    With his scarf of red and green
    Didn’t look too spry, but my oh my
    What a stone-cold death machine!

    Freddy the Snowman
    Got most everyone but me
    With his eyes of coal and his evil soul
    On his chilly killing spree.

    There must have been a curse upon
    That rusty kitchen knife;
    When Suzy put it in his hand,
    The snowman took her life! Oh –

    Freddy the Snowman
    Was a child molester too,
    And I heard him say, being dragged away,
    “I’ll be back next year for you!”

    (Hackity hack hack, hackity hack hack,
    Hacking hard and deep;
    Stabbity stab stab, stabbity stab stab,
    Kills you in your sleep!)

    [ttto: Frosty the Snowman. New words ©1995 by Kip Williams]

    Rx – I take it that the individual with the cleavage and stubble is Bubba’s girlfriend. Yeah, Spider’s gonna pay.

  46. Terryfic
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Baldo: Seeing “erect” and “his hand on his pecho” adjacent in the text… WTF? I don’t speak Spanish, so naturally my dirty kicked in.

  47. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#31):

    A3G – A flash of insight – Ziggy Stardust and David Bowie – they’re the same guy!!!

    I have to confess, I kind of got that one mixed up years ago. While loving Bowie’s voice, I wasn’t a huge fan, so when someone told me that Ziggy Stardust and David Bowie were the same person, it didn’t mean a lot to me. Years later when someone mentioned Iggy Pop I said, “Oh, he wasn’t real. He was just a persona of David Bowie.”

    My music cred suffered a bit for that comment.

  48. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#45):

    Rx – I take it that the individual with the cleavage and stubble is Bubba’s girlfriend.

    Nah, it’s Sgt. Lugg.

  49. Effluvius Erratus
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Now that I think about it, if he has third-degree burns Cookie might not be in all that much pain, what with his nerve endings having been destroyed.

    @pugfuggly (#39): Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries, the mystery of the Worthbee Tiles

  50. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    A3G — A naughty nutty Lu Ann decides to flash both her “insights” at the reader… and… My eyes! The goggles, they do nothing!

  51. Flat3G
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Ok, here is the truth.

    The Army Air Corps AirForce has sent Lieutenant Captain Colonel Major Gary Powers on a super secret mission to Germany Japan Korea Vietnam Grenada Panama Iraq Bosnia Iraq Afghanistan Libya Iran and are saying he is dead.

    Even the Linski mob believes he is dead.

    Just like Lu Ann, who is dead to them too.

  52. Esther Blodgett
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#47): You mean he wasn’t?

  53. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#52): *shrug* So I’m told. Judging by pictures I’ve seen, I believe Iggy was actually a persona of Keith Richards, but don’t quote me on that.

  54. Cloudbuster
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    MT: Trail’s lesson for the kids tomorrow: Vandalism is OK, as long as it’s not your stuff getting vandalized!

    RMMD: Vigiliante justice is great, as long as it’s not happening to you!

    A3G: Should this girl really be allowed outside by herself? Without a helmet?

    MW: Hahaha, the diner is really named “Good Eats!”

    FW: It’s funny because Funky’s dad is nothing but a wrecked shell of his former self….

  55. Ned Ryerson
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wally’s going to want his lemon scented perfume back. Folks who have had run ins with the Linksi clan can attest to the fact that Wally’s the last one you want to cross.

  56. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#53): You mean Iggy Pop’s not a beverage?

  57. Scott Bot
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Flat3G (#51): Iran? Nah. He was out with the rest of the GI Joe team helping defeat COBRA.

    And now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

  58. TheDiva
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: Luann is saved from a creepy, domineering husband by the creepy, domineering ghost of her late husband. Um…yay?

    9CL: There is now no measurable difference between Brooke McEldowney and your average DeviantArt member.

    C’shaft: How much rum can you have in a rum ball? Mr. Diva makes bourbon balls from the holidays and has discovered that too much booze makes them runny and difficult to shape. (They’re good and have a nice kick, but short of scarfing the whole recipe in one go I don’t see how you could get hammered off the things.)

    FW: You know you’re not in a good place when the aging, mentally decayed elder is wearing the exact same expression of miserable ennui that every other character in the strip sports.

    GT: Oh no, a basketball player with a tattoo! What is this, 1950?

    Luann: Just to show how inept Luann is at this relationship thing, we have Gunther speaking as the voice of wisdom. (And it’s been said before but it bears repeating: you can’t “lose” someone who was never yours in any sense to begin with, you neurotic selfish twit.)

    MT: First the “villainous wolves,” now Kelly Welly as the dangerous sinful female who’s wicked ways endanger Paradise. This strip is more medieval than Prince Valiant.

    Marvin: Given that it’s Marvin, we should be thankful that the lumps in his stocking are coal and not something more noxious.

    MW: Not since Girl in Gold Boots’ “EAT” has there been a more wonderfully generic restaurant name.

    SM: Peter pretends to be useful, and MJ pretends to allow it. Whatever it takes to make the marriage work, I guess…

  59. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#30):

    On behalf of 45-year-olds, I’d like to point out that down by 20 in the late 3rd quarter is not time to panic and throw up a Hail Mary. It will be intercepted, and soon you will be down by 27 with nothing left to do but play out the string and hope for some help. Late 3rd quarter is getting later in the game, but you can still work your game plan and stick to what you do best, just with a little bit more of a sense of urgency.

  60. Scott Bot
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    GT – Parker only had thirty bucks on him. It’s probably crayon.

  61. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Luann – To save everyone the trouble, I will summarize the plot of the next two weeks of strips:

    Luann comes to realize that she has real feelings for Quill. She resolves to make them known to him as soon as he returns. Quill returns. Hijinks ensue as Luann misinterprets a comment or gesture made by Tiffany. Quill reassures Luann that he would never touch an icky girl. Luann, reassured somehow, gets ready to tell Quill how she really feels about him. Quill interrupts to inform Luann that it is the end of his exchange semester and he is flying back to Australia next week to stay. Hail Mary! The Status Quo is saved!

    A year later, Luann visits Australia on a class trip (after Tiffany agrees to give mini-Elvis a blow job in order to cover the cost of her ticket. Bad! Bad Tiffany!). She stops by to see Quill, only to find he has shacked up with his parent’s former pool boy. The End.

  62. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Crank: That new addition is the size of a fucking closet.

    FW: Ha ha ha!!! It’s funny, because he’s old, and in a nursing home!!

    Luann: Why are their Santa hats BLACK?? Merry Gothic Christmas??

    MT: What about the nudie centerfold pics that Mark took while Kelly was sleeping?

    Marvin: Ha ha ha!!! It’s funny, because Marvin is nothing but a nasty little poop stain!!

    MW: In Panel 2, Mary can be seen flashing her gangsta sign…….the “Santa Royale Meddle Queens”!

    RMMD: “The scooter belongs to Bubba’s girlfriend”??? Riddle me this, Batman……..why is it that they only just now noticed this?

    SixChix: “Exploit Class Envy this Holiday Season! Ho! Ho! Ho!”

    Love is…: Naked 4th-graders bedding down with naked pre-schoolers at the all-night rave!

  63. bats :[
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

  64. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#56):

    You mean Iggy Pop’s not a beverage?

    As a matter of fact, yes, it is. I used to swig that stuff down while driving my Freddie Mercury.

    As a side thought: do you suppose the Keanes send their kids away for two weeks during the summer to Mellencamp? (Get it? “Melon/Mellen”? I’m reaching now, aren’t I?)

  65. Not Just Any Dipstick
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#13): I think you mean the red courtesy phone. The white courtesy phone is for emergency only.

  66. NoahSnark
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    That wasn’t a flash of insight – that was a circuit breaker tripping as Lu Ann came dangerously close to becoming self-aware.

  67. Chip Whittle
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Cathy is haunted by the Ghost of Continuity Past, and all those characters forgotten so as to make space for the depths of Irving and Electra and stuff.

    Dick Tracy: Never mind the mole hole, I’m interested in that Wanted poster teasing the next villain being…some kind of Rogue Buckle-Less-Hatted Pilgrim? That could be all kinds of awesome.

    Domestic Abuse: Your chronically depressed medications wish to remind you, your problems are all in your head and if you weren’t broken you wouldn’t need them, so feel shame, everyone who “needs” a prescription! Pfui.

    Ginger Meggs: Ginger raises a good question. Why do the schools in Australia teach stuff that’s not applicable to robots? Have they no priorities?

    Graffiti is apparently written by a barely functional alcoholic crying out for any help anywhere.

    Am I the weird one for not seeing Christmas as a time to be sad?

  68. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    RMMD – So Spider stole a scooter, then drove it to a party attended by the person he stole it from and her beefy redneck boyfriend? Did he study delinquency at the same school where the Mary Worth kidnapper is employed as a guest lecturer?

    In both cases, the behavior is so ridiculous that it can only be interpreted as a cry for help. They want to be caught, and punished. And Rex has a garage that he keeps freshly painted for just such an opportunity!

  69. Brent
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Third degree burns are painless, because they’re deep enough to kill the nerves. Second degree burns are worse, because they compromise the immune system like third degree, but are also extremely painful.

  70. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Love Is: … telling your children they’re being stalked.

  71. Dennis Jimenez
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#47): I once boldly asserted that Dan Ackroyd was married to Ellie Mae Clampett….

  72. Chip Whittle
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    On A Claire Day: Ha ha, women! They’re just so darned irrational and insecure, and you guys are blameless when you refuse to pay attention to what they want or why! It’s steady comedy the tired legacy strip way.

    Pibgorn: I wonder what would happen if Brooke McEldowney accidentally brought Strunk and White into the present day, and how much lovers of the English language would pay to get to watch.

    Red and Rover makes its periodic trip over into Raine Dog territory.

    Tarzan: “…a scream of terror when they entered the hut containing my fetish of skulls! I knew I should have left DeviantArt in ‘safe’ mode!”

  73. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#72): On a different point with Tarzan — I don’t think you have to be a “superstitious native” to scream in terror when confronted by a hut full of skulls.

  74. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#66): What Lu Ann could use even more would be a bit of outsight — the ability to perceive what’s happening in the world around her.

  75. Snuggs
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    “Gary was always protective of me, and saves me from my mistakes! Sigh! Thank God I have so many men in my life who’ll make sure I never have to make an actual decision of my own volition, or even learn from my experiences! Now, time for some pretty bow shopping!”

  76. Uncle Lumpy
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#56):

    You mean Iggy Pop’s not a beverage?

    All I know is, we haven’t seen him in Barney Google and Snuffy Smith in quite some time!

  77. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#72):

    Pibgorn: I wonder what would happen if Brooke McEldowney accidentally brought Strunk and White into the present day, and how much lovers of the English language would pay to get to watch.

    Make that Marcel Marceau and I’m in.

  78. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#76): How many days would that be?

  79. Esther Blodgett
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#71): Aykroyd. Sorry, because my maiden name also contained an oddly placed “y,” that’s one of those common spelling errors I feel compelled to correct.

    More to your point, that would be an odd couple, indeed…

  80. Pyzimber
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#63): OK, that’s truly terrifying. Photoshop of the week!

  81. Edward F. Rochester
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    BB: if you will recall, a short while ago a man and his dog were burning to death in a crashed car. This strip is getting more hilarious by the day.

  82. JoeC
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    What’s creepier in Aparment 3G is the letter came from the “Army Air Force.” Apparently Gary was shot down during a bombing run over Germany during WWII
    http://www.seattlepi.com/comics-and-games/fun/Apartment_3-G/2011-12-07/

  83. Red Greenback
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    If I could do a job on myself, I’d never leave the kitchen!
    Thankyew! All week! Veal! Waitress!

  84. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Edward F. Rochester (#81): Next we’ll have people falling out of stealth bombers that weren’t built to to both fly and hold a pilot.

  85. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    BB: Hey wow, is it time for Cookie’s annual suicide attempt already? My how time flies.

    A3G: “Maybe Gary is still watching over his girl,” she thought as she stepped into the path of a speeding 18 wheeler.

    GT: Tell you what’s magic marker? Marty’s beard? Yeah, it probably is.

    GA: Whether it’s Vince or Larry, it looks like one of those crash test dummies is in business for himself.

    MW: “Lady, it’s not a picture phone. We can’t see where you’re pointing.”

    MT: “As it happens, a bear cracked Kelly’s camera open and crapped on the film. Yeah, let’s just say it was a bear.”

    RMMD: I don’t know what the guy with William Katt hair is about to do with the guy in the bad mohawk, but I bet Rex wishes he could stick around and watch.

    Blondie: Unlike a million dollars, Blondie does go as far as she used to. Yeah, that’s a joke Dagwood would never make. Or understand, probably.

    S4th: Ces you magnificent bastard, you knew just how long enough to keep us hanging.

    Agnes: Title character steps up with a little awesome here.

    Garfield: WT to the F.

    H&L: Clever. Hi’s wearing one of those ties that’s so long, no one will know if you forgot to zip up.

    S-M: If I read MJ right, she’s saying that she likes having a superhero as her personal gigolo. Okay, so Peter’s a fizzle on both counts. Like they say, it’s the thought that counts.

  86. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Iggy Pop is a Little Lulu character who got more and more rebellious as he grew up.

  87. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    MT- Mark is nothing if not canny. He has learned much from his previous encounter with camera equipment. He knows that cameras don’t use “film” any more. Kelly’s camera has a digital memory chip, and Mark is savvy enough to know that all he has to do is get that chip out of the camera before Kelly has the opportunity to take it down to a film developer to get it processed!

  88. Uncle Lumpy
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#78):

    How many days would that be?

    There’s really no way to tell for sure, but I think it’s been quite a few!

  89. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#88): So… that would be too many and not enough.

  90. UncleJeff
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    A&J: Janis would later admit she shoplifted the rest of the outfits.

    DT: “Hmmm,” thought Dick. “Those ‘homeless’ people are all criminals or illegals, anyway. I’d say it’s time for a raid. At least, it’d break up the monotony around here.”

  91. Cranked Shaft
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    You want to know why your extension cost so much?

    You did it in the dead of winter!

    It is much more expensive to get this kind of work done when special materials and techniques are needed.

    Becky had a music room added on one winter and it cost her an arm and almost a leg.

  92. Dood
    December 22nd, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Why does Lu Ann keep cutting back and forth through the breadline? Doesn’t she know not to cross a babushka?

  93. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#92): That’s because Lu Ann doesn’t walk, she floats.

    I once had a Lu Ann float. Tasted like rainbow swirl.

  94. Flat3G
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#93):

    I had a Margo float, it was freezer burned.

    The Tommie float was a really, really bland vanilla.

  95. Rixter
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#5): “Mary, hand gestures don’t work over the phone, and wild gesticulating will probably just alert the kidnapper.
    Mary is signing “queen” as in “I am the queen of Santa Royale and we order you to appear immediately.”

  96. This Guy
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Agnes: She’s got a weak heart, and she don’t get around how you get around.

    DtM: It couldn’t have been Dennis, who at his young age has probably never heard of a full-service gas station, let alone been to one.

    PreTeena: It’s a more family-friendly version of the Zimbardo experiment.

    WoI: Okay, Parker, no importing gags from Crankshaft.

  97. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#96): orders…

    WoI: Okay, Parker, no importing gags from Crankshaft.

    It won’t work. When someone decides to write a comic strip, the syndicate hands the aspiring writer a small barrel labeled “BIG BARREL O’ GAGS” (the irony is dripping). All writers get the same barrel with the same gags. They must choose a gag from the barrel and surround the gag with their own style. When they are finished with the gag it goes back in the barrel. Thus the reason for the randomness of the same.

  98. Dood
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Now that Gary has been certifiably, undeniably declared dead after four decades or so by the “U.S. Army Air Force,” shouldn’t Lu Ann be receiving a substantial insurance payout? Hello, Margo, are you reading this?

  99. seismic-2
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    MT: Kelly: “Oh, no!! My camera has been smashed!!”
    Mark: “Villainous WOLVES!

  100. Rixter
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    FW: So, it turns out that in the pit of despair called Westview, there is an even lower circle of hell, absent any hope or joy, where the old, the halt, and the lame are consigned to their misery. I am, of course, referring to Funky’s home.

    A3G: And here’s hoping Gary’s spirit is haunting the Linski clan and driving them all to madness. Well, okay, it’s a short trip.

    MT: Bad news: Mark rewound the film and re-exposed the film to 36 close-up shots of the bear’s ass. Good news: There is a market for those pics.

    MW: “She’s with an older man…
    Older than who? You, Mary? The police sketch artist will need a reliable witness.

    MW/more: I can see where this is headed. Emily Smith is rescued, but has to spend Christmas with Mary Worth. In a sort of reverse Stockholm syndrome, Emily begs to be reunited with her kidnapper.

  101. Dood
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Today’s New York city weather: Nothing but blue skies, blue people and one cumulus thought-bubbling blond caucasian woman.

  102. Rixter
    December 22nd, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#54): I am really disappointed to think that the diner has a name. I was so liking the generic “Diner.” I’m still going to hold out hope that Mary was referring to the quality of the food as a way of distinguishing “Diner” from the many salmonella-infested establishments in Santa Royale.

  103. Northernlurker
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: Here I am, once again, obsessing over this stupid comic strip.
    What is with the fear Happy Valley will be over run by tourists? I actually live in a place similar to HV–deer, elk, the odd moose, eagles and hawks, waterfowl–even cougars, wolves and coyotes. Oh we’ve even got wild horses.
    And this place is not over run with tourists. Lots of businesses probably wish we were, but we’re not.
    Apart, of course, that time of the year when lawyers and accountants come through on their Harleys.

  104. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#102): relates…

    …from the many salmonella-infested establishments in Santa Royale.

    With an emphasis on salmon.

  105. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#103): Ah, but do you have gold banded geese and crazy ass Mounties?

  106. Mustang
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    A 3G – Maybe Gary and Lisa could get together to keep each other company, but it might just end in petty quarreling. “Leeeeeesa, come on! We haunted Les all day yesterday. Today, I get to choose, and I want to watch over Lu Ann while she wanders around the city trying to remember where she lives.”

  107. Dood
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Thursday, Dec. 22. It was cold in Santa Royale. We were working the day watch out of robbery division. My partner’s Frank Gannon. My name’s Friday. I carry a badge.

    The 207 call came in at 12:15 from the Good Eats Diner across from the hospital. Kidnapping. The caller was Mary Worth. She carries a salmon square. We hadn’t heard from her since the Kelrast case…

  108. Dk in the BK
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Please tell me frayed item protruding from beneath the chef’s belly is his apron. Please.

  109. Tom the Sailor Man
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Don’t worry; I opened up her camera and exposed the film memory card thingy to daylight! Won’t she be surprised!”

  110. Dood
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: It looks like Cookie’s carrying a chicken plugger lady. Must have been a cremation.

  111. commodorejohn
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – “Simple-minded son of Satan!” is my new favorite insult.

    A3G – If Gary’s watching over her, why didn’t he warn her about Margo?

    Archie – Wait, wait, when did Archie get witty?

    Blondie – Publically estimating the cost of someone’s wife’s implants is not exactly good Christmas-party etiquette. (Joke’s on him, though: they’re real.)

    C&B – I. Love. This. Strip.

    Crankshaft – No, the roofer just did that because, like all thinking beings, he hates you people.

    DT – Oh man oh man, does this mean we could be getting Dick Tracy versus the Tunnel Hobos? Pleeaaase? I’ve been good this year!

    FW – And a merry fucking Christmas to you too, Batiuk.

    Garfield – whaaat

    GT – Your phrase to work into casual conversation: “Please tell me that’s magic marker!”

    Luann – Oh joy, they can have a mutual sulk.

    Mandrake – “I always carry extra bullets…for special occasions! I like to leave them as tips, or pass them out to passersby!”

    MT – Mark, you asshole.

    MW – Jazz hands! Yah! Be funked, you dirty kidnapper!

    Popeye – …this is going to turn into a porno, isn’t it?

    PC – *snrk*

    RMMD – So, uh, is Woody Wilson a member of a secret vigilantes’ society, or something? Seems like this kind of thing happens a lot.

    SF – Wow. Faye sure blossomed.

    SM – MJ, his ego is already inflated enough, thanks. If you could go back to unwittingly crushing it, we’d much appreciate it.

  112. seismic-2
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G: One would think that Luann’s receiving a letter notifying her that her husband has finally been declared legally dead would allow her to marry Paul; instead, it prevents it. The only explanation is that the letter was in code, and it told Luann that Gary is in fact still alive. The whole “U.S. Army Air Force” (obviously phony) header was the tip-off that the letter was in fact written by Gary himself, but in a clever manner that his Vietnamese captors wouldn’t detect. The part of the letter that Margo summarizes as “Blah, blah, blah”, that the Vietnamese think serves to tell Luann to stop making all those inquiries at the Pentagon and the Embassy and just end all hope of finding Gary alive, in fact is full of clues from Gary hinting at just the opposite. If we were able to read between the lines in the “blah, blah, blah” part as Luann has cleverly done, we would learn that Gary is a prisoner in a Hell-hole with the Stalinist-doublespeak name “Peace Village”, where he is being tortured by a Joseph Mengele-type physician known only as “Doctor Jeff”.

  113. Der Schnärkïnätör
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    MT- Aaannnndddddd we STILL don’t know why Father McQ banded the goddamn goose in the first place!

  114. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    SF: Wouldn’t it be interesting if that was Aria with a new ‘do.

  115. Shrug
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#14):

    “HtH: Between the diet book, the Victorian bonnet, the tea or coffee, and the mechanical scales, I’m almost starting to doubt this strip’s fidelity to its historical setting.”

    Don’t express that thought out loud, or they’ll sic one of the historic dragons or sea monsters after you.

  116. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#68):

    RMMD – So Spider stole a scooter, then drove it to a party attended by the person he stole it from and her beefy redneck boyfriend? Did he study delinquency at the same school where the Mary Worth kidnapper is employed as a guest lecturer?

    It needed to be said. And funny, too.

  117. Austria
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#61): Gay or Australian? It’s hard to guarantee.

    Arch: So, like…Mister Archie grew up during the Great Depression. Glad we got that figured out.

    BC: Ha ha! It’s funny, because Facebook!

    FW: Ha ha! It’s funny, because they put the hat on him against his will!

    MW: I tried to do what Mary’s doing in the second panel just now, and let me tell you, it’s pretty uncomfortable. I can’t imagine any human being doing that naturally.

    Zits: Wouldn’t it be quicker to just go out and buy something….? Oh wait, I forgot, this is Zits we’re talking about.

  118. seismic-2
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#114): I’m still betting that the so-far-unnamed relative whom Hil’s boyfriend Jon was visitng last summer and now at Christmas is in fact Aria.

  119. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#118): One can only hope.

  120. terrapin
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    MT: Ha ha! It’s funny because Mark thinks Kelly forgot to put film in her digital camera.

    Luann: One date and Gunther thinks someone gives a crap what he thinks.

    MW: “So send an officer over right away! I’ll stay here and squish the older man’s tiny head between my thumb and index finger.”

  121. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#86):

    Iggy Pop is a Little Lulu character who got more and more rebellious as he grew up.

    Lou Reed, on the other hand, is one of Dick Tracy’s little-seen informants.

  122. Shrug
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#53):

    “*shrug* So I’m told.”

    Somebody bawl for Beaulah?

  123. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#120): Are you saying that Mary took crimefighting lessons from this guy?

  124. Scott Bot
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#121): Funny, Dick never struck me as the type to take a walk on the wild side.

  125. Hei of the Zaraki Company
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Writers of Mary Worth, expect a call from the lawyers of one Alton Brown. For sullying his brand by having the audacity to name a diner “Good Eats” when it is clearly not.

  126. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#41): Heh. I was just going to complain that the whole plotline of the current 9CL hinged on the joke that they only wanted Edda for her butt, not her face. There’s not worrying about the occasional fluff up in the name of “foolish consistency,” and then there’s “Let’s just toss the whole concept out the window because I want to draw some T&A now.”

  127. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#63): … and now for something completely different.

  128. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58): The way to make bourbon balls stronger is to let them age in their tin for a few days. Believe me, they can get pretty damn strong.

  129. Someone
    December 22nd, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Lu Ann wandering around a blue-tinted New York, thinking about her relationships… reminds me of Eyes Wide Shut. Maybe she ends up at a sex cult and almost gets into loads of trouble.

  130. TheDiva
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#128): Ah, that’s the problem, then–they never hang around long enough for that.

  131. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#126): Also, dancers’ feet – especially those of ballerinas – are well known to be messes of bruises, strange bunions, and blackened toenails. So why is Edda modeling shoes, exactly? Given that they felt it appropriate to do a two-body photoshoot for booty shorts, where’s the foot model for the shoes?

  132. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    It bothers me that I’m thinking more about 9CL than the dude who drew the thing.

  133. Tale
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    It’s a sign of the times that it has been so long since I’ve read comics in an actual newspaper that when I did today and first read Pluggers, I was nonplussed to discover that it did not have a comment from Josh underneath it.

  134. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: 5464 is the number of subsets of {1,2,3,…,16} that have a sum divisible by 12. See this excellent site for more fun facts like this! It is also, (you guessed it!) the number of days Barney has been missing from his eponymous comic strip.

  135. seismic-2
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#134): I blame villainous wolves.

  136. Some Guy
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#10): @whozitwhatzit (#24):

    Okay, with two people saying “what the heck, is this some weird Brit thing”, I had to go and read Fred Bassett. Which I resent. So, yeah, there’s a traditional British Christmas thing called a Christmas cracker, which consists of a cardboard tube wrapped in festive paper. Within the tube is a paper crown, a small plastic novelty which will immediately get lost, a bit of paper with a joke on it, and a strip of chemically treated paper which goes “bang” when two people pull the cracker. Whoever gets the bigger end reaps the spoils.

    (In theory. In practice they’re distributed evenly, and the young lad who won all the crackers because he knew the trick of holding the end of the snapper doesn’t get to wear all the hats one on top of the other, because apparently that’s not fair on his sister… Er, for example.)

    The jokes usually aren’t funny. But they’re funnier than this Fred Bassett strip.

  137. Dr. Moreau
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    It’s not Gary who’s Lu Ann’s guardian angel. It’s Gunther, who’s never gotten over his high school crush, and spends his every waking adult moment stalking and killing her love interests, and then reminding her about it to show her how much he loves her. I await the day she receives a link to a YouTube channel of nothing but snuff films detailing the untimely, “Saw”-style demises of Quill, Aaron Hill and Lu Ann’s college “experiment,” Bernice.

  138. TheDiva
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#132): Well, you know what they say: men have a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to operate one at a time.

  139. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: I repeat, Mary is wrong about the kidnapper and the girl! I can’t wait for the old bat to be institutionalized, preferably with a Lecter-style facemask.

    RMMD: Haha, vigilante justice is the best justice!

    9CL: You have to admire Brooke’s indignation at the idea that anyone would stoop to exploiting T & A for financial gain.

  140. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#54):

    FW: It’s funny because Funky’s dad is nothing but a wrecked shell of his former self….

    Kind of eerie that the father of Funky Winkerbean the man is such a microcosm of “Funky Winkerbean” the strip.

  141. Doyle
    December 22nd, 2011 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Isn’t it weird that Edda is supposedly a world class ballet dancer, but her abs are still not visible? Her upper legs are also the same size as her calves. She doesn’t have a dancer’s body. Speaking of dancer’s bodies, what happened to the Discount Dance Supply girl? I haven’t seen her in a while.

  142. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#Y166): Rats! Saw right through my little puzzle, conundrum, or pons asinorum. I thought of putting the number in Babalonic cuneiform, but damn that Bill Gates, I don’t have that font. Then I considered writing it as the cube root of its natural logarithm, but your slide rule would have made short work of that obscuration. Finally, I resorted to the old Purloined Letter ruse, but, FrankLee, there was no dupin you. Alas, poe me!

  143. Droopy Says
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#41): Congratulations on having read all of McEclowney’s statement today. I started it, tried to figure out what he was saying, then quit after the third line. I’m sure there’s meaning in there somewhere, but it’s too well-hidden for me. It’s like a Slylock Fox mystery for the pretentious.

  144. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#135): I blame villainous wolves. A reasonable hypothesis… those are the very worst kind of wolves!

    /* As opposed to libidinous wolves, who are merely deplorable, as they ogle the poetic Edda in 9CL, or the even more callipygian what’s-her-name in today’s Evil Inc. (Is the latter actually printed on dead trees anywhere? – talk about soft-porn!) */

  145. Master Mahan
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    3G: “Lu Ann has a sudden flash of insight…”, leaving her scared and confused about why there is speaking inside her head.

    BB: “Anyway, he’s dead, so I got Pigpen to fix your dinner instead.”

  146. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#134): Surely of less amazing extent than the Google-less decades, but still worthy of some note, I offer these current streaks:

    Days since Phantom last punched anyone: 218. (The 12/13/2011 strip does include an image of a punch, but omniscient narrator Falk tells us in the previous panel that The Ghost is still en route to China, and the wavy panel lines indicate a foreshadowing. We cannot count this punch unless it lands in real time).

    Days since Mark Trail last punched anyone: 426.

  147. Droopy Says
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    A3G So LuAnn gets out of this megillah by pulling a Spiderman. Can it at least turn out that Tommie or Margo wrote that letter about Dead Gary, prompting the Linskis to drop her? No? Too bad, because it would almost make sense if somone said “LuAnn, the Linskis are so freaky that they missed the obvious nonsense about the ‘Army Air Force!’”

    Mary Meddle: “You want us to send the cops, lady? Not the Forensic Accounting Team, the way we usually do? Or a neurologist to help with your St. Vitus’ Dance?”

    Mock Trail: Trail exposed the camera’s memory cartridge to the sun because he thought it was a photographic glass plate. Yes, it’s much smaller than the usual four-by-five inch format that press cameras used in the Roaring Twenties, but Trail knows that girl equipment is always much smaller than real boy equipment. And when Editor Bill chews out Kellywellyjellybelly for being a dumb old girl who ruined her pictures, he will get so vexed he’ll forget to ask Trail what happened to his pictures.

    Pluggers: Does anyone remember if any of these ten “Best” cartoons were in fact run this year? Because while I can believe Brookins would save himself ten days of work with this gimmick, I’m disturbed by the implication that Pluggers has standards.

  148. Peanut Gallery
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    SFx – A pigloo!

  149. ArchieNemesis
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#111):

    Mark, you asshole.

    I find Mark Trail’s grin strangely dickish today. He implies that he sabotaged Kelly’s work, and possibly damaged her camera, to gain an advantage with Bill “Great Story” Ellis back at the magazine. I think Elrod might be making a subversive statement about his title character not being such a selfless hero.

  150. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Quick tip: white-out all the words in today’s A3G. Now that vacant stare makes more sense! Basically, I refuse to believe that Lu Ann has “thoughts” or an inner monologue of any kind. It helps make her actions more excusable.

  151. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#146): On the other hand, Chuck Norris has punched into the future so it all kind of balances out.

  152. Hank
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#121): Lou Reed was actually a major inspiration for Neil Gaiman’s “Sandman” comic book series.

  153. Hibbleton
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: What’s to worry? Hair-trigger McQueen will kill any tourists who make it to the valley.

    A3G: I think Shulock has finally said; “Fuck it. No matter what I write Bolle will simply draw talking heads floating on a blue landscape. From now on, the story will be as bland as the art.” Seriously, people complain about the art in a lot of strips but A3G has become the worst illustrated comic simply for lack of imagination.

  154. seismic-2
    December 22nd, 2011 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#152): I thought it was supposed to be Robert Smith?

  155. UncleJeff
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    GT: Maybe Gil is going to try to be like David Stern and make “M for Muttonhead” cover up the tattoo (or have it airbrushed out the way the NBA’s magazine did with Allan Iverson’s tats).
    (For a good laugh — go to YouTube and look for Iverson’s famous “Practice????” rant. About 2 minutes in, you can see Iverson realizes how silly he sounds so he goes all the way with it).

  156. ArchieNemesis
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#147):

    I’m disturbed by the implication that Pluggers has standards

    Rest easy, the cartoonist is just being lazy, as you originally supposed. I haven’t recognized any of the 10 best so far either, but my research found that these are indeed repeats. “You know you’re a Plugger comic strip if no one can remember you.”

  157. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#152): I’m not sure if I’d heard that before, but I believe it. Gaiman is good at taking inspiration where he finds it. Morpheus himself was originally modeled on Peter Murphy, although some artists drew him more like Robert Smith.

  158. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

  159. Swordsmith
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#31): Nonsense. David Bowie plays right handed, while Ziggy “played it left hand”. Bowie is merely singing -about- Ziggy Stardust, just as Dire Straights sings -about- the Sultans of Swing.

    David Johansen and Buster Poindexter, on the other hand, -are- the same person.

  160. Peanut Gallery
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    MW – I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that hand-move in a rap video.

  161. Dood
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#159): And Margo, Tommie and Lu Ann are New York Dolls.

  162. Shrug
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#151):

    I remember a SUPERMAN comic book story in the 1950s in which Supe threw a punch (missing) at something so hard that he set the very air on fire. That one seemed pretty over the top to me, even as a junior high kid.

  163. seismic-2
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#160): Or in the Bangles’ Walk Like an Egyptian.

  164. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#162): Oxygen, my friend. Oxygen and resistance. The reason objects burn as they enter and travel through Earth’s atmosphere.

  165. Hibbleton
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#164):
    Yes, but what’s burning?

  166. LogopolisMike
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    A3G: If Ghost Gary truly looks out for his girl Luann, where was he when she almost died from ‘accidentally’ huffing paint fumes a while back? Apparently, he only cares about her life when it involves another guy.

    Well, at least she’s got a type.

  167. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#165): The air itself. Have you ever seen a picture of a spacecraft entering the Earth’s atmosphere? That’s not the heat shield burning.

    I’m sure Superman is capable of producing the speed necesary to create this effect. It’s probably a good thing he didn’t hit what he was trying to punch.

  168. yaoi huntress earth
    December 22nd, 2011 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58): Although Edda’s clown make-up is something that separates Brooke.

  169. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#167): Well technically, the air in front of a capsule-style heat shield is “incandescent”, not “burning” (some would say that it is turning into plasma, but it really isn’t hot enough). And some types of heat shields are designed to flake off and burn, carrying heat away from the capsule.

    Ok, so I’m alone at work and totally bored. Sue me. Just remember, for fire you need an oxidizer and a fuel (and most of what is in air that isn’t oxygen makes for poor fuel). Though I would suppose if Mark Trail were faced with somebody with an especially egregious mustache (or if Walker is just plain pissed-off), nitrogen will combust.

  170. Notebooked
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    I’m taken with Sarge’s expression in the last panel of today’s Beetle Bailey. His face seems to convey a quiet sympathy, a shock, the question “Oh my god, is…is he alright?” and a deep shame regarding his earlier flippantry. Beetle, meanwhile, has seen it all before — or is putting on a straight face, deeply hurt that Sarge never shows such outright concern for him.

    When Beetle Bailey provokes more emotion and Mary Worth provokes more humor, you know the streams have gotten crossed somewhere in the past.

  171. Swordsmith
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: I think Elrod is implying that Mark has stolen the film or memory card from Kelly’s camera. However, they’ve been in that valley for some time now (two days? More?) and if Kelly is typical of photojournalists or even amateur photographers, this means she’s shot a metric crapload of pictures, filling up several memory cards or rolls of film. If he’s gotten to her camera and wrecked whatever she most recently shot, well, so much for the Battle of the Bear, but she’s still got plenty of the approach, the valley, the supposedly peaceful animals (although the only predators we saw seemed to be the opposite of peaceful), the bear without and with muzzle, the waterfall, the gold mine, and of course the biggest attraction, the Dudley DoRight and Psycho cosplay team.

  172. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#168): Now that you mention “clown” I wonder where Baka Gaijin is. I guess he’s taking a “queek-like” holiday.

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#169): True dat. And I know what you mean about being bored. Except for a some things today that needed me for only a few minutes it’s been almost cricket sound producing around here.

    @Swordsmith (#171): Mark knows that Kelly forgot to take the lens cap off.

  173. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#171): I will have to remember your term “metric crapload” for my next technical meeting. Thanks.

  174. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Doyle (#141): She’s (DDS-girl) is back as of right now.

  175. Liam
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    A3G-That’s right LuAnn instead of a creepy ex-boyfriend stalking you it is your dead husband. Restraining orders has no effect on him so he will always be in your life.

  176. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#172): Worst part about being here alone at work (other than having driven in the snow to get here when everybody else took PTO) is that I couldn’t stay home because my wifi connection froze over last night.

    Gotta get paid somehow, I guess.

  177. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#173): I’m trying to figure out how to use it in an accounting summary.

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#176): No snow here just lots of people on vacation.

    Hey! It’s about 4:30! Time to go!

  178. Liam
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    MT-There is no memory card in Kelly’s camera. Mark Trail is so far behind the times it is a little bird inside the camera carving the pictures.

  179. Spectra Ghostseeker
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Maybe it’s pathetic but I have a sneaking warmth for Beetle Bailey, ridiculous though it may be. It’s probably because it reminds me of when I was a kid growing up in a really poor neighborhood in New Mexico. My father was working on his doctorate and it was a really big deal to us to get the comics on Sunday. We got the Albuquerque tribune and the Denver Post. This was in the early 1970′s. Perhaps Beetle Bailey and BC were better then, perhaps it’s just seen through nostalgic glasses into a past when my father was hale and hearty and not the very sick, terrified old man with dementia that he became in the last years of his life before passing away at the end of last year, but I can’t help but like those comics at least a little even now.

  180. Droopy Says
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#178): A little bird in Mark Trail? Come on, all the MT birds are so big they need to file flight plans with the FAA.

  181. commodorejohn
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#169): Hey, no worries, the off-topic discussions here are one of the best things about the CC. I was actually wondering about this myself, but I couldn’t recall whether nitrogen was conducive to burning or not. No chemist, I…

  182. Liam
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    MW-That’s not true. We’ve been in that diner. There is nothing good to eat in it.

  183. commodorejohn
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#182): But…but…what about Rainbow Swirl? What about Rainbow Swirl!?

  184. Uncle Lumpy
    December 22nd, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#183):

    “Rainbow Swirl” is the abductor’s preferred sex act.

  185. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 22nd, 2011 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#173): Any idea anyone on the conversion factor between metric craploads and the old imperial or traditional crapload? I may have to scribe a new gauge mark on my slide rule.

  186. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 22nd, 2011 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#184): You did have to send me to the Urban Dictionary… curse you, Uncle Lumpy – it’s dinner time, dammit!

  187. odinthor
    December 22nd, 2011 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#184):

    But once you go Tutti-Frutti, you never go back.

  188. Swordsmith
    December 22nd, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#173): I’m not a fan of the imperial system, who knows how many drams it takes to make a crapload, and is that a short or long crapload? The metric crapload is a much better unit of measure.

  189. Lisa\'s Cancer Ridden Corpse
    December 22nd, 2011 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    Hey, move it along Powers, there’s only room for one dead spouse obsession in these funny pages. Oh, did I tell, I died of cancer, CANCER!

  190. Jamus The Bartender
    December 22nd, 2011 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Spider Man: Okay. Over in Dick Tracy, they talked about some underground rooms that were used by someone called The Mole, and the homeless are living there…..that’s where you two should move to. Because even when the show tanks and Jameson gets the pitchforks and torches going again, at least you’ll have a place to go to. Rent free.

  191. Shrug
    December 22nd, 2011 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#190):

    Yeah, but the place has Mole cooties.

  192. Mr K Martin
    December 22nd, 2011 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    GRIMMY: I like Mike Peters’ groaner puns better than Pastis’. Maybe cause Peters doesn’t feel the need to keep apologizing for them. Hey, if you’re gonna do it, do it!

    FRUMPY WRINKLED-BEAN: I keep hoping against hope that someday the fourth wall will break and Michigan J. Frog will dance into this strip singing “Hello, my baby”. I mean, Geez – SOMEBODY CHEER THE EFF UP HERE!

  193. Zerowolf
    December 22nd, 2011 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    FW: Just in time for Christmas a heart warming senile dementia storyline.

  194. Sequitur
    December 22nd, 2011 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#192): states…

    Hey, if you’re gonna do it, do it!

    Yeah, my wife says that a lot.

  195. Morndew
    December 22nd, 2011 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#15):
    Someone already did kill Rat. Then he undied. Don’t know if he could pull it off again lol.

  196. Sgt. Stoned
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    MW: Good eats, evil rocks, and Mary Worth sucks. PS: I’m betting that the girl is Emily Smith, but that the thuggish looking guy is really her father and that the whole thing is a custody dispute and not a real abduction and that Mary will meddle a Smith family reconciliation just in time for Christmas.

    Archie: So, Mr. Andrews wants one o’ them new-fangled “personal computers” for Christmas. How cutting edge!

  197. Here Come ole Flattop
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Sequitur (164, 167), Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (169): Ok, how about this: Superman was able to move/swing so quickly that he was able to create a standing wave. The velocity at which his “fist” moved created so much friction/resistance that the atmoshpere’s suspended particulate matter combusted. . . Nah, I got nothin’.

  198. GrafSpee
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#144): IIRC, EVIL Inc is strictly a web comic. The original comic strip that it was spun off from (Greystone Inn) was published in a few newspapers. Lightning Lady first appeared in Greystone Inn and became one of the primary characters of that comic until it morphed into EVIL Inc.

  199. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Spectra Ghostseeker (#179): First off, I’m sorry to hear about your father, and that you and your family had to go through it.

    Second, it’s not pathetic at all. We all get attached to things from our past and childhood, unless said childhood was truly horrific. That’s part of the job of, ahem, seasoned people.

    And for what it’s worth, both comics probably were sharper at the time. I know, as I’ve mentioned before, that I was a big BC fan in the late seventies/early eighties. Hart had definite talent. Beetle was probably a little more on-the-ball at the time too. From what I recall, there was more give and take between now-secondary characters like Flap and Peachfuzz.

  200. Écureuil Écumant
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Lu Ann should be thankful there were hardly any videocams and VCRs in the Vietnam era. It’s all too easy imagining Margo forcing her to watch the Dead Gary Show.

  201. Jamus The Bartender
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#191): Listen, unless comic strip Peter and MJ can crash at Tony Stark’s mansion too, I don’t think either are in a position to be too choosy.

  202. Droopy Says
    December 22nd, 2011 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    M-dawg: Like any Plugger, Marmaduke knows he is obsolete and fears being replaced by a bit of inanimate technology.

  203. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#202): I thought at first you said “intimate technology.” Now if you’ll excuse me I have an image I need to drink away.

  204. Chip Whittle
    December 22nd, 2011 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    @Spectra Ghostseeker (#179):

    Maybe it’s pathetic but I have a sneaking warmth for Beetle Bailey, ridiculous though it may be.

    If we didn’t like the comics we mock, at least some, we wouldn’t mock them. We couldn’t find the passion to by annoyed by Mark Trail or Rex Morgan or Beetle Bailey or Hagar the Horrible if we didn’t find anything likable in them. We have contempt for Reply All; we find Apartment 3-G full of adorable knuckleheads.

    Also, all the legacy comics that are in all remaining 50 newspapers in the world, got there because once upon a time they really deserved to be in every newspaper.

    And there’s no arguing with warm memories of happier moments in the family.

  205. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 23rd, 2011 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#172): Mark knows that Kelly forgot to take the lens cap off.
    You know those point-and-shoot cameras? Kelly Welly has a point-and-say-”clickety-click!” camera. There’s no lens cap, and the lens is a piece of black plastic with “MATTEL” embossed on it.

  206. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 23rd, 2011 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#183): But…but…what about Rainbow Swirl? What about Rainbow Swirl!?

    “Rainbow Swirlie” is what happens when you hold Rainbow Brite upside down with her head in a toilet bowl, and flushing.

  207. Walker of Dog
    December 23rd, 2011 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Then Perseus totally went classical on his ass.

    Plug: It seems gratuitous to mock a Plugger for still being dead.

    A3G: One time Tommie’s guardian angel tried to show her how different the world would be if she had never been born. Things have been awkward between them ever since.

  208. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 23rd, 2011 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#126): The joke is that Edda, like Kramer, falls ass backwards into money without working.

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#131): It’s not generally known, but the feet belong to George Costanza.

  209. Droopy Says
    December 23rd, 2011 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Okay, Parker is on top of the world, but does it count when you’re talking about Bizarro world and its two suns?

    Family Circus: “Brains!” Billy says. “Brains!” But when he ate into Dolly’s skull, he died of zombie starvation.

    Mock Trail: Kelly thinks, “Trail, you ignorant pancake-slut, what do you think out editor will say about that? If we tell him we have absolutely no idea where we’ve been for the past five or six months . . . uh, yeah, he might buy that.”

    RM, MD And thus the twin torches of manly bossiness and girly passivity are passed to a new generation.

    Pluggers: Pluggers may have a garageful of tools, but being tools themselves they have no idea how to repair that broken handle.

  210. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 23rd, 2011 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#175): What is it about LuAnn and being haunted by dead dudes? Did she move to Funkyville when we weren’t looking?

  211. Uncle Lumpy
    December 23rd, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Stupid carpet-cleaning spam removed.

  212. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 23rd, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Carpet cleaning San Mateo (#211): I sincerely say you come up with some superb points and I will submit a number of thoughts to add to briefly.

    Why thank you, Carpet Cleaning Spambot! It is gratifying that a software construct like you appreciates the terrible plight of Barney Google. I look forward to hearing your suggestions on the matter.

  213. Der Schnärkïnätör
    December 23rd, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#99):

    Glad to see that you italicized the exclamation point. Very important!

  214. Darryl Heine
    December 23rd, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    FAMILY CIRCUS – Remaking a 1975 Christmas strip with mentioning of “AN OLD FASHIONED CHRISTMAS” but done in the 1990′s rather than the 1960′s. Did Billy leave out the 1980′s?

    PEANUTS 1964 – Charlie Brown wants to read “Gulliver’s Travels” for Christmas Day?

  215. greghousesgf
    December 23rd, 2011 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#206): no, a rainbow swirlie is when Rainbow Dash shoves Rainbow Brite’s head into the toilet and flushes it.

  216. Hammer of The Carp
    January 1st, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey – Normally when I do a “job” on myself I just feel sad and pathetic. But Cookie has gone way overboard here.

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